Absurd Ditties E-Book

G. E. Farrow

• Herausgeber: Booksell-Verlag
• Kategorie: Poesie und Drama
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2019

Beschreibung

In his whimsical collection "Absurd Ditties," G. E. Farrow explores the surreal and often humorous intersections of daily life through a series of playful poems. With a keen eye for the absurdities inherent in the human experience, Farrow employs a light and lyrical style, rendering his verses accessible yet profound. The collection invites the reader to revel in a world shaped by nonsensical and imaginative imagery, echoing the traditions of Ogden Nash and Edward Lear, while also delving into themes of individuality and the intricacies of everyday emotions. Each ditty serves as a refreshing reminder of the joy found in the unexpected. Born in the late 19th century, G. E. Farrow was deeply influenced by the literary movements of his time, particularly the rise of Modernism, which encouraged experimentation with form and content. His background in illustration and storytelling cultivated a unique sensibility, allowing him to approach poetry with a playful yet poignant touch. Farrow'Äôs passion for the absurd and uncanny, combined with his keen observations of society, laid the groundwork for this enchanting volume. Readers seeking a delightful escape into a realm of whimsical absurdity will find "Absurd Ditties" to be an invaluable addition to their literary repertoire. Farrow's clever wordplay and delightful rhythm make this collection perfect for both poetry enthusiasts and casual readers alike. Embrace the absurd, let laughter resonate, and uncover the underlying truths nestled within each amusing verse.

Leseprobe

G. E. Farrow

Absurd Ditties

Published by Good Press, 2022

[email protected]

EAN 4057664573995

Table of Contents

I. THAT OF MR. JUSTICE DEAR.

II. THAT OF THE LATE MR. BROWN.

III. THAT OF OUR OLD FRIEND BISHOP P.

IV. THAT OF CAPTAIN ARCHIBALD McKAN.

V. THAT OF MATILDA.

VI. THAT OF "DOCTHOR" PATRICK O'DOOLEY.

VII. THAT OF MY AUNT BETSY.

VIII. THAT OF THE TUCK-SHOP WOMAN.

IX. THAT OF S. P. IDERS WEBBE, SOLICITOR.

X. THAT OF MONSIEUR ALPHONSE VERT.

XI. THAT OF LORD WILLIAM OF PURLEIGH.

XII. THAT OF PASHA ABDULLA BEY.

XIII. THAT OF ALGERNON CROKER.

XIV. THAT OF——?

XV. THAT OF THE RIVAL HAIRDRESSERS.

XVI. THAT OF THE AUCTIONEER'S DREAM.

XVII. THAT OF THE PLAIN COOK.

XVIII. THAT OF "8" AND "22."

XIX. THAT OF THE HOOLIGAN AND THE PHILANTROPIST.

XX. THAT OF THE SOCIALIST AND THE EARL.

XXI. THAT OF THE RETIRED PORK-BUTCHER AND THE SPOOK.

XXII. THAT OF THE POET AND THE BUCCANEERS.

XXIII. THAT OF THE UNDERGROUND "SULPHUR CURE."

XXIV. THAT OF THE FAIRY GRANDMOTHER AND THE COMPANY PROMOTER.

XXV. THAT OF THE GEISHA AND THE JAPANESE WARRIOR.

XXVI. THAT OF THE INDISCREET HEN AND THE RESOURCEFUL ROOSTER. (An Allegory.)

Moral.

XXVII. THAT OF A DUEL IN FRANCE.

XXVIII. THAT OF THE ASTUTE NOVELIST.

XXIX. THAT OF THE ABSENT-MINDED LADY.

XXX. THAT OF THE GERMAN BAKER AND THE COOK.

XXXI. THAT OF THE CONVERTED CANNIBALS.

XXXII. THAT OF A FRUITLESS ENDEAVOUR.

XXXIII. THAT OF THE UNFORTUNATE LOVER.

XXXIV. THAT OF THE FEMALE GORILLY.

XXXV. THAT OF THE ARTIST AND THE MOTOR-CAR. (Tragedy.)

XXXVI. THAT OF THE INCONSIDERATE NABOB AND THE LADY WHO DESIRED TO BE A BEGUM.

XXXVII. THAT OF DR. FARLEY, M.D., SPECIALIST IN LITTLE TOES.

XXXVIII. THAT OF JEREMIAH SCOLES, MISER.

XXXIX. THAT OF THE HIGH-SOULED YOUTH.

XL. THAT OF MR. JUSTICE DEAR'S LITTLE JOKE AND THE UNFORTUNATE MAN WHO COULD NOT SEE IT.

XLI. THAT OF THE LADIES OF ASCENSION ISLAND.

XLII. THAT OF THE ARTICULATING SKELETON.

XLIII. THAT OF YE LOVE-PHILTRE: AN OLD-ENGLISH LEGEND.

XLIV. THAT OF THE BARGAIN SALE.

XLV. THAT OF A DECEASED FLY. (A Ballade.)

Envoy.

EPILOGUE.

I. THAT OF MR. JUSTICE DEAR.

Table of Contents

"'Tis really very, very queer!"

Ejaculated Justice Dear,

"That, day by day, I'm sitting here

Without a single 'case.'

This is the twenty-second pair

Of white kid gloves, I do declare,

I've had this month. I can not wear

White kids at such a pace."

His Lordship thought the matter o'er.

"Crimes ne'er have been so few before;

Not long ago, I heard a score

Of charges every day;

And now—dear me! how can it be?—

And, pondering thus, went home to tea.

(He lives Bayswater way.)

A frugal mind has Justice Dear

(Indeed, I've heard folks call him "near"),

And, caring naught for jibe or jeer,

He rides home on a bus.

It singularly came to pass,

This day, he chanced to ride, alas!

Beside two of the burglar class;

And one addressed him thus:

"We knows yer, Mr. Justice Dear,

You've often giv' us 'time'—d'ye hear?—

And now your pitch we're going to queer,

We criminals has struck!

We're on the 'honest livin' tack,

An' not another crib we'll crack,

So Justices will get the sack!

How's that, my legal buck?"

This gave his Lordship quite a fright,

He had not viewed it in that light.

"Dear me!" he thought, "these men are right,

I'd better smooth them down.

"Let's not fall out, my friends," said he,

"Continue with your burglarie;

Your point of view I clearly see.

Ahem! Here's half-a-crown."

The morning sun shone bright and clear

On angry Mr. Justice Dear;

His language was not good to hear;

With rage he'd like to burst.

His watch and chain, and several rings,

His silver-plate, and other things,

Had disappeared on magic wings—

They'd burgled his house first!

II. THAT OF THE LATE MR. BROWN.

Table of Contents

Life has its little ups, and downs,

As has been very truly said,

And Mr. Brown,

Of Camden Town

(Alas! the gentleman is dead),

Found out how quickly Fortune's smile

May turn to Fortune's frown;

And how a sudden rise in life

May bring a person down.

He lived—as I remarked before—

Within a highly genteel square

At Camden Town,

Did Mr. Brown

(He had been born and brought up there);

But—waxing richer year by year—

Grew prosperous and fat,

And left the square at Camden Town

To take a West End flat.

It was a very stylish flat,

With such appointments on each floor

As Mr. Brown

At Camden Town

Had never, never seen before:

Electric lights; hydraulic lifts,

To take one up and down;

And telephones to everywhere.

(These quite bewildered Brown.)

The elevator pleased him most;

To ride in it was perfect bliss.

"I say!" cried Brown,

"At Camden Town

We'd nothing half as good as this."

From early morn till dewy eve

He spent his time—did Brown—

In being elevated up,

And elevated down.

One night—I cannot tell you why—

When all the household soundly slept,

Poor Mr. Brown

(Late Camden Town)

Into the elevator stept;

It stuck midway 'twixt floor and floor,

And when they got it down,

They found that it was all U.—P.

With suffocated Brown.

Yes, life is full of ups and downs,

As someone said in days of yore.

They buried Brown

At Camden Town

(The place where he had lived before);

And now, alas! a-lack-a-day!

In black and solemn gowns,

Disconsolate walk Mrs. Brown

And all the little Browns.

III. THAT OF OUR OLD FRIEND BISHOP P.

Table of Contents

(With many thanks to Mr. W. S. Gilbert for his kind assurances

that the inclusion of these verses causes him no offence.)

Twice Mr. Gilbert sang to you

Of Bishop P., of Rum-ti-foo;

Now, by your leave, I'll do that too,

Altho' I'm bound to fail

(So you will tell me to my face)

In catching e'en the slightest trace

Of true Gilbertian charm, or grace,

To decorate my tale.

Still, I will tell, as best I can,

How Bishop Peter—worthy man—

Is getting on by now.

Now where shall I begin? Let's see?

You know, I think, that Bishop P.

(Wishful to please his flock was he)

Once took the bridegroom's vow.

You doubtless recollect, His Grace

Wed Piccadil'lee of that place,

And Peterkins were born apace,

When she became his bride.

In fact I'm told that there were three,

When dusky Piccadillillee,

In odour of sanctittittee,

Incontinently died.

Some years have passed since her demise

But Bishop Peter—bless his eyes—

That saintly prelate, kind, and wise,

Is excellently well.

And, not so very long ago,

He sought to wed—this gallant beau

(His faithful flock desired it so)—

Another Island belle.

There was one difficulty, this:

Our Peter wooed a dusky Miss

Who (tho' inclined to married bliss)

Declared him rather old;

Who giggled at his bald, bald head,

And even went so far, 'tis said,

As to decline His Grace to wed,

Did Lollipoppee bold.

But, one day, on that far-off reef,

A merchant vessel came to grief,

And all the cargo—to be brief—

Was washed upon the shore.

Most of the crew, I grieve to state,

Except the Bos'un and the Mate,

Were lost. Theirs was a woesome fate,

And one we all deplore.

Amongst the wreckage on the strand,

A box of "Tatcho" came to land,

Which, there half buried in the sand,

The Bishop—singing hymns

Amongst his flock down by the shore—

Discovered, and they open tore

The case. Behold! The contents bore

The magic name of Sims.

"What! G. R. Sims?" quoth Bishop P.

(Visions of "Billy's Rose" had he),

"Good gracious now! It Sims to me

I've heard that name before."

(Oh, well bred flock! there was not one

Who did not laugh at this poor pun;

They revelled in their Bishop's fun.

They even cried "Encore!")

Then spake the Mate (whose name was Ted):

"Now this 'ere stuff, so I've 'eard said,

Will make the 'air grow on yer 'ead

As thick as any mat."

"Indeed?" quoth worthy Bishop P.;

"Then 'tis the very thing for me,

For I am bald, as you may see."

His Grace removed his hat.

The Bo'sun quickly broke the neck

Of one large bottle from the wreck,

Proceeding then His Grace to deck

With towels (careful man,

This was to save his coat of black,

For "Tatcho" running down one's back

Is clearly off its proper tack).

And then the fun began.

For Ted he rubbed the liquid through,

As hard as ever he could do.

And worthy Jack rubbed some in too

(The Bo'sun's name was Jack).

And day by day they did the same.

Now "Tatcho" ne'er belies its fame,

And soon a little hair there came

(His Lordship's hair is black).

Miss Lollipoppee views with glee

The change in worthy Bishop P.

Now quite agreed to wed is she

(The banns were called to-day).

No "just cause or impediment"

Can interfere with their content;

The natives' loyal sentiment

Is summed up in "Hooray!"

IV. THAT OF CAPTAIN ARCHIBALD McKAN.

Table of Contents

There never lived a worthier man

Than Captain Archibald McKan.

I knew him well some time ago

(I speak of twenty years or so);

Sans peur et sans reproche was he;

He was the soul of chivalry,

Was Captain Archibald McKan.

True greatness showed in all his mien,

No haughty pride in him was seen,

Though, captain of a steamer, he,

From Greenwich unto far Chelsea,

That, spite of weather, wind, and tide,

From early Spring to Autumn plied,

Brave, modest Captain A. McKan.

However sternly might his roar

Reverberate from shore to shore

Of "Ease her! Back her! Hard astern!"

His duty done, with smile he'd turn

And be most affable and mild

To every woman, man, or child

Aboard, would Captain A. McKan.