Inside My Head E-Book

Dangerously Normal Spoonie

• Herausgeber: BookRix
• Kategorie: Poesie und Drama
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2016

Beschreibung

Introduction

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” ― Ernest Hemingway

This book is a compilation of my writings. Some will be good, some not so great. This book may bring tears, or it may bring happy feelings. How you see it is up to you.

A lot of work went into making this book just the way I wanted it. But in the end it was all worth it, no question.

These are my thoughts, my feelings, my insecurities, my darkness. Don’t judge me, I am only human.

Leseprobe

Dangerously Normal Spoonie

Inside My Head

BookRix GmbH & Co. KG81371 Munich

Inside My Head

Inside My Head

2015

Karley Kay

Murphy Linger

Table Of Contents:

Introduction

Poems

A Girl

Afraid Again

All Because Of You

Angry

As Long As

At Least Someone Listens

Back

Barriers

Black And White

Breaking Free

Can't Pretend

Caused You Pain

Choose: Your Addiction Or Me

Communicate

Complete

Confession 1

Confession 2

Dark Night

Darkness Returns

Dear God

Denial

Distracted

Explanation

Fade

Feelings

For Ayanna

For Donnie

For Him

For K

For Mac

Forgiven But Not Trusted

Forgiveness

Fragile

Friend Or Foe

Giving Up

Gone Forever

Goodbye

Guess You Can't See

Happiness

Heaven

He's Not You

How Can You

Hurt

I Hate, I Love

If You Have To Go

In One Night

Invisible

Is This Goodbye?!

Jonny

Laying Awake

Learning

Let You Go

Letting Go

Life Without Death

Memories

Memories Of Us

Miss You

Mixed Emotions

Modern Day

Music

My Confessions

My Feelings

My Guardian Angel

My Many Faces

Night

Nothing Is What It Seems

Pain

Pain And Joy

Please

Put Your Pain In My Hands

Questions

Scars

Silence

Silent Tears

Sometimes

Speech Class

Stupid Illusion

Thank You

Thank You So Much

The First Night

The Reason

This Is Me

Too Late Mom

Trust And Forgive

Two Years Without You

Visit

What Would I Give

Whatever

What Is Going On

Which Is Better

Why Did You Leave?!

Why Is Life

Why Mom

Wrong

You Could've Fooled Me

My Blogging

28 Things About My Invisible Illness

50 Honest Answers About Me

Addiction, I HATE You

Advice Needed

Confess

Enough

Eyes Wide Open

Fear

Going Home

I Am Not Her

I’m ____ Because

I’m Not Your Baby Girl Anymore

I’m Still Here

Insomnia And Nightmares

Interstitial Cystitis

Interview

Invisible Illness And My Life

Moving On

My #1 Goal As A Writer

My Best Friend And Our Day Out

My Marriage And Chronic Illness

My Normal Life Now

My Story

Not Cool

Nothing Is What It Seems

Storm Warning

Strong

Support Groups

Thank You For Encouraging Me

The Grandma Hug

The One Person I Wish Would Read My Blog

There Is Hope

Time Doesn't Heal All The Wounds Inside Of Me

Things I Have Learned Since Being Diagnosed

This Made My Day

To Be A Vampire

Trying To Be As Strong As Everyone Seems To Think I Am

Walk Away

We Used To Be Friends

Why I Chose Writing As My Coping Mechanism

Wish You Could Stay

Words

You Don’t Know Me

FAVORITE POEMS/QUOTES

JOURNAL ENTRIES?

LETTERS AND CARDS I GOT?

THINGS I LEARNED SINCE BEING DIAGNOSED WITH MY ILLNESSES

PICTURES?

FAVORITE SONGS

Introduction

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.” ― Ernest Hemingway

This book is a compilation of my writings. Some will be good, some not so great. This book may bring tears, or it may bring happy feelings. How you see it is up to you.

A lot of work went into making this book just the way I wanted it. But in the end it was all worth it, no question.

These are my thoughts, my feelings, my insecurities, my darkness. Don’t judge me, I am only human.

A Girl I’m a girl with a fragile heart Bandaged together with care Cracks spread everywhere In danger of shattering Treat it with care- I only have one. I’m a girl with trust issues Break my trust once It’s so hard to get back But there is hope If you want it bad enough You will work to earn it back. I’m a girl who uses writing to express herself I’m not so good with words spoken out loud Pencil and paper are my voice My words can be few And full of meaning Or lots of words with little meaning I’m a girl who hates being put on the spot When asked a question randomly I freeze up, forget to breathe My face burns red, my body gets warm I stutter, trip over my words Before they turn to someone else. I’m a girl who is protective Of her family and friends Hurt them, I come after you Hurt me, they come after you We protect each other You’ve been warned. I’m a girl who smiles a lot Finds happiness in most things Even the unpleasant ones Life is full of sunshine But also filled with rain The way you see it is up to you.

Afraid Again Hating this feeling, what's this mean? My chest hurts, I can't breathe My eyes burn, tears stain my face My hands shake, can't seem to stop. Walking down the hall, avoiding eye contact Don't touch me, don't come closer Suddenly afraid and not knowing why As a group of guys come my way. 'This is ridiculous' I tell myself 'Their just guys, ' so why am I so afraid? I get no answer, just silence As I edge closer to the wall. Images fill my mind as I walk Of my past, I thought I forgot Told myself I exaggerated The pain I felt then. People tell me I exaggerated what happened That it never was that bad If that's true then why am I so afraid Of being hurt, of letting anyone close to me?

All Because Of You Because of you, I'm stronger Because of you, I'm happier Because of you, I laugh again Because of you I cry no more My life was Hell before you showed up I was shattered into pieces, Left alone You listened, pulled me back up Is this right to feel this way? Because of you, I smile wide Because of you, I'm confident Because of you, I sleep all night Because of you I have no nightmares. What is this feeling? Is it love or just a crush? Do you feel it too, please tell me Is it silly to feel this way? All I know is that I've fallen for you. Because of you, I laugh all day Because of you, I'm free Because of you, I'm complete Because of you, I'm in love. Feeling silly as I tell you what I feel inside I look down as I wait for an answer To the feelings I spoke out loud What do you feel for me? ?

Angry Slamming doors, throwing things, shedding tears Yelling at everyone, why am I so angry? I know why, I just dont wanna say it Or I'll just start crying again. Blame it on being a Teenager Just dont make me tell you why I'm angry Dont wanna talk about it It's over and done with now. Pressure's building inside my head Feels like I'm going to blow. What's going on? Please help me Understand why all this hurts like this. Try and let it go, to ignore my feelings But it just makes my head pound Hold my hand, help me thru this Help me turn my Anger to Happiness

As Long As She says your happy, that you dont need me Happier than ever, or so she says Well guess what? I'm hapy for you We didnt work out, I have to let go If you think this is easy, its not But if your happy, I'm happy for you. When I see you again, I'll smile at the memories I wont be sad to see you walk away again If you find someone new, I'll be happy for you Hope we'll always be friends If not' I'll be okay, dont worry about me As long as your happy, I'm happy.

Atleast Someone Listens (For Him) Darkness begins to fall But this time I'm not alone This time someone is here This time someone is listening. Smiling at the phone in my hand I read the message and laugh Smiling to myself as I reply Glad someone is here tonight. I look forward to each time we talk It's not a crush, just happiness At someone to talk to, Someone to listen. Everyone else is busy You have time to talk You listen while I ramble on But you say you don't mind. So glad to have found friendship So nice to have someone to listen As the events in my life unfold Thanks so much for listening. You make me laugh, You help distract me When I'm upset or irritated You treat me like an equal. You don't talk down to me You don't tell me to grow up You just are there to listen And it helps a lot. Thanks so much, I really mean it I look forward to the next time we talk And maybe next time You can talk, and I will listen.

Back So your back, congratulations, Everyone's happy again Everyone that is, Except me. Your back, whats So great about that? oh wait thats right Your popular here But guess what? To me your just Another face, Another annoying voice To me your just Another problem. I'm not angry anymore I just dont get Why everyone is so happy That your back again Whats so great about that?

Barriers My walls once high to avoid hurt and pain Fell down as you came into my life But now those walls are back up again Holding fast against your protests Keeping you out and your lies. Barriers as hard as stone surround me And my broken heart begins to mend Won't ever let you in again, it's over Dont believing you and your lies, go away Your not welcome here anymore, get out. Barriers protect me and also my friends They wont let me get hurt again They love me and will do anything they can To prevent me from more hurt and pain They surround me, protecting me from you. Get out of here, your no longer welcome Dont get near me, I wont hold you close Stop apologizingm, it wont do any good Dont look at me that way, the look means nothing anymore Stop saying you love me, it wont make me stay. The barriers are there to stay, get used to it They wont come down, face the fact I dont forgive you, so stop apologizing I cant trust you, get away from me I'm forever gone, I'm not coming back.

Black And White It’s either this way or that No in between Either I love you or I don’t Either I’m with him or I’m with you Either you love me or you hate me Either you kiss me or you push me away This is the way it’s always been Between you and me. Rollercoaster of emotions Anger, depression, sadness Hate, love, it’s always the same You love me when you can’t have me You hate me when I say something That you just can’t stand to hear More than anything all we do is fight And we’re not even together anymore When you were with someone new, I loved you When I’m with him, your hurt Always playing the guilt card on me Begging me to leave him, To take you back but guess what? I don’t love you anymore Hurtful words come from your mouth Words you know aren’t true but know that they hurt. The cycle never ends, you love me Then your mad, we fight Then you tell me that you cant liove me anymore Until the day you come crawling back Saying you can’t live without me Crying myself to sleep over you Wishing I could somehow fix this But having no idea how