A
ABASEMENT, n. A decent and
customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth of power.
Peculiarly appropriate in an employee when addressing an
employer.
ABATIS, n. Rubbish in front of a
fort, to prevent the rubbish outside from molesting the rubbish
inside.
ABDICATION, n. An act whereby a
sovereign attests his sense of the high temperature of the
throne.
Poor Isabella's Dead, whose
abdication
Set all tongues wagging in the
Spanish nation.
For that performance 'twere
unfair to scold her:
She wisely left a throne too hot
to hold her.
To History she'll be no royal
riddle—
Merely a plain parched pea that
jumped the griddle.
G.J.
ABDOMEN, n. The temple of the god
Stomach, in whose worship, with sacrificial rights, all true men
engage. From women this ancient faith commands but a stammering
assent. They sometimes minister at the altar in a half-hearted and
ineffective way, but true reverence for the one deity that men
really adore they know not. If woman had a free hand in the world's
marketing the race would become graminivorous.
ABILITY, n. The natural equipment
to accomplish some small part of the meaner ambitions
distinguishing able men from dead ones. In the last analysis
ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of
solemnity. Perhaps, however, this impressive quality is rightly
appraised; it is no easy task to be solemn.
ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to
standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be independent is
to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested. Wherefore the
lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the straiter [sic]
resemblance of the Average Man than he hath to himself. Whoso
attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of death and the
hope of Hell.
ABORIGINIES, n. Persons of little
worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They
soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.
ABRACADABRA.
By Abracadabra we signify
An infinite number of
things.
'Tis the answer to What? and How?
and Why?
And Whence? and Whither?— a word
whereby
The Truth (with the comfort
it brings)
Is open to all who grope in
night,
Crying for Wisdom's holy
light.
Whether the word is a verb or a
noun
Is knowledge beyond my
reach.
I only know that 'tis handed
down.
From sage to
sage,
From age to age—
An immortal part of
speech!
Of an ancient man the tale is
told
That he lived to be ten centuries
old,
In a cave on a mountain
side.
(True, he finally
died.)
The fame of his wisdom filled the
land,
For his head was bald, and you'll
understand