I
At
length I returned from two weeks leave of absence to find that my
patrons had arrived three days ago in Roulettenberg. I received from
them a welcome quite different to that which I had expected. The
General eyed me coldly, greeted me in rather haughty fashion, and
dismissed me to pay my respects to his sister. It was clear that from
SOMEWHERE money had been acquired. I thought I could even detect a
certain shamefacedness in the General's glance. Maria Philipovna,
too, seemed distraught, and conversed with me with an air of
detachment. Nevertheless, she took the money which I handed to her,
counted it, and listened to what I had to tell. To luncheon there
were expected that day a Monsieur Mezentsov, a French lady, and an
Englishman; for, whenever money was in hand, a banquet in Muscovite
style was always given. Polina Alexandrovna, on seeing me, inquired
why I had been so long away. Then, without waiting for an answer, she
departed. Evidently this was not mere accident, and I felt that I
must throw some light upon matters. It was high time that I did so.I
was assigned a small room on the fourth floor of the hotel (for you
must know that I belonged to the General's suite). So far as I could
see, the party had already gained some notoriety in the place, which
had come to look upon the General as a Russian nobleman of great
wealth. Indeed, even before luncheon he charged me, among other
things, to get two thousand-franc notes changed for him at the hotel
counter, which put us in a position to be thought millionaires at all
events for a week! Later, I was about to take Mischa and Nadia for a
walk when a summons reached me from the staircase that I must attend
the General. He began by deigning to inquire of me where I was going
to take the children; and as he did so, I could see that he failed to
look me in the eyes. He WANTED to do so, but each time was met by me
with such a fixed, disrespectful stare that he desisted in confusion.
In pompous language, however, which jumbled one sentence into
another, and at length grew disconnected, he gave me to understand
that I was to lead the children altogether away from the Casino, and
out into the park. Finally his anger exploded, and he added sharply:"I
suppose you would like to take them to the Casino to play roulette?
Well, excuse my speaking so plainly, but I know how addicted you are
to gambling. Though I am not your mentor, nor wish to be, at least I
have a right to require that you shall not actually compromise me.""I
have no money for gambling," I quietly replied."But
you will soon be in receipt of some," retorted the General,
reddening a little as he dived into his writing desk and applied
himself to a memorandum book. From it he saw that he had 120 roubles
of mine in his keeping."Let
us calculate," he went on. "We must translate these roubles
into thalers. Here—take 100 thalers, as a round sum. The rest will
be safe in my hands."In
silence I took the money."You
must not be offended at what I say," he continued. "You are
too touchy about these things. What I have said I have said merely as
a warning. To do so is no more than my right."When
returning home with the children before luncheon, I met a cavalcade
of our party riding to view some ruins. Two splendid carriages,
magnificently horsed, with Mlle. Blanche, Maria Philipovna, and
Polina Alexandrovna in one of them, and the Frenchman, the
Englishman, and the General in attendance on horseback! The
passers-by stopped to stare at them, for the effect was splendid—the
General could not have improved upon it. I calculated that, with the
4000 francs which I had brought with me, added to what my patrons
seemed already to have acquired, the party must be in possession of
at least 7000 or 8000 francs—though that would be none too much for
Mlle. Blanche, who, with her mother and the Frenchman, was also
lodging in our hotel. The latter gentleman was called by the lacqueys
"Monsieur le Comte," and Mlle. Blanche's mother was dubbed
"Madame la Comtesse." Perhaps in very truth they WERE
"Comte et Comtesse."I
knew that "Monsieur le Comte" would take no notice of me
when we met at dinner, as also that the General would not dream of
introducing us, nor of recommending me to the "Comte."
However, the latter had lived awhile in Russia, and knew that the
person referred to as an "uchitel" is never looked upon as
a bird of fine feather. Of course, strictly speaking, he knew me; but
I was an uninvited guest at the luncheon—the General had forgotten
to arrange otherwise, or I should have been dispatched to dine at the
table d'hote. Nevertheless, I presented myself in such guise that the
General looked at me with a touch of approval; and, though the good
Maria Philipovna was for showing me my place, the fact of my having
previously met the Englishman, Mr. Astley, saved me, and
thenceforward I figured as one of the company.This
strange Englishman I had met first in Prussia, where we had happened
to sit vis-a-vis in a railway train in which I was travelling to
overtake our party; while, later, I had run across him in France, and
again in Switzerland—twice within the space of two weeks! To think,
therefore, that I should suddenly encounter him again here, in
Roulettenberg! Never in my life had I known a more retiring man, for
he was shy to the pitch of imbecility, yet well aware of the fact
(for he was no fool). At the same time, he was a gentle, amiable sort
of an individual, and, even on our first encounter in Prussia I had
contrived to draw him out, and he had told me that he had just been
to the North Cape, and was now anxious to visit the fair at Nizhni
Novgorod. How he had come to make the General's acquaintance I do not
know, but, apparently, he was much struck with Polina. Also, he was
delighted that I should sit next him at table, for he appeared to
look upon me as his bosom friend.During
the meal the Frenchman was in great feather: he was discursive and
pompous to every one. In Moscow too, I remembered, he had blown a
great many bubbles. Interminably he discoursed on finance and Russian
politics, and though, at times, the General made feints to contradict
him, he did so humbly, and as though wishing not wholly to lose sight
of his own dignity.For
myself, I was in a curious frame of mind. Even before luncheon was
half finished I had asked myself the old, eternal question: "WHY
do I continue to dance attendance upon the General, instead of having
left him and his family long ago?" Every now and then I would
glance at Polina Alexandrovna, but she paid me no attention; until
eventually I became so irritated that I decided to play the boor.First
of all I suddenly, and for no reason whatever, plunged loudly and
gratuitously into the general conversation. Above everything I wanted
to pick a quarrel with the Frenchman; and, with that end in view I
turned to the General, and exclaimed in an overbearing sort of
way—indeed, I think that I actually interrupted him—that that
summer it had been almost impossible for a Russian to dine anywhere
at tables d'hote. The General bent upon me a glance of astonishment."If
one is a man of self-respect," I went on, "one risks abuse
by so doing, and is forced to put up with insults of every kind. Both
at Paris and on the Rhine, and even in Switzerland—there are so
many Poles, with their sympathisers, the French, at these tables
d'hote that one cannot get a word in edgeways if one happens only to
be a Russian."This
I said in French. The General eyed me doubtfully, for he did not know
whether to be angry or merely to feel surprised that I should so far
forget myself."Of
course, one always learns SOMETHING EVERYWHERE," said the
Frenchman in a careless, contemptuous sort of tone."In
Paris, too, I had a dispute with a Pole," I continued, "and
then with a French officer who supported him. After that a section of
the Frenchmen present took my part. They did so as soon as I told
them the story of how once I threatened to spit into Monsignor's
coffee.""To
spit into it?" the General inquired with grave disapproval in
his tone, and a stare, of astonishment, while the Frenchman looked at
me unbelievingly."Just
so," I replied. "You must know that, on one occasion, when,
for two days, I had felt certain that at any moment I might have to
depart for Rome on business, I repaired to the Embassy of the Holy
See in Paris, to have my passport visaed. There I encountered a
sacristan of about fifty, and a man dry and cold of mien. After
listening politely, but with great reserve, to my account of myself,
this sacristan asked me to wait a little. I was in a great hurry to
depart, but of course I sat down, pulled out a copy of L'Opinion
Nationale, and fell to reading an extraordinary piece of invective
against Russia which it happened to contain. As I was thus engaged I
heard some one enter an adjoining room and ask for Monsignor; after
which I saw the sacristan make a low bow to the visitor, and then
another bow as the visitor took his leave. I ventured to remind the
good man of my own business also; whereupon, with an expression of,
if anything, increased dryness, he again asked me to wait. Soon a
third visitor arrived who, like myself, had come on business (he was
an Austrian of some sort); and as soon as ever he had stated his
errand he was conducted upstairs! This made me very angry. I rose,
approached the sacristan, and told him that, since Monsignor was
receiving callers, his lordship might just as well finish off my
affair as well. Upon this the sacristan shrunk back in astonishment.
It simply passed his understanding that any insignificant Russian
should dare to compare himself with other visitors of Monsignor's! In
a tone of the utmost effrontery, as though he were delighted to have
a chance of insulting me, he looked me up and down, and then said:
"Do you suppose that Monsignor is going to put aside his coffee
for YOU?" But I only cried the louder: "Let me tell you
that I am going to SPIT into that coffee! Yes, and if you do not get
me my passport visaed this very minute, I shall take it to Monsignor
myself.""What?
While he is engaged with a Cardinal?" screeched the sacristan,
again shrinking back in horror. Then, rushing to the door, he spread
out his arms as though he would rather die than let me enter.Thereupon
I declared that I was a heretic and a barbarian—"Je suis
heretique et barbare," I said, "and that these archbishops
and cardinals and monsignors, and the rest of them, meant nothing at
all to me. In a word, I showed him that I was not going to give way.
He looked at me with an air of infinite resentment. Then he snatched
up my passport, and departed with it upstairs. A minute later the
passport had been visaed! Here it is now, if you care to see it,"—and
I pulled out the document, and exhibited the Roman visa."But—"
the General began."What
really saved you was the fact that you proclaimed yourself a heretic
and a barbarian," remarked the Frenchman with a smile. "Cela
n'etait pas si bete.""But
is that how Russian subjects ought to be treated? Why, when they
settle here they dare not utter even a word—they are ready even to
deny the fact that they are Russians! At all events, at my hotel in
Paris I received far more attention from the company after I had told
them about the fracas with the sacristan. A fat Polish nobleman, who
had been the most offensive of all who were present at the table
d'hote, at once went upstairs, while some of the Frenchmen were
simply disgusted when I told them that two years ago I had
encountered a man at whom, in 1812, a French 'hero' fired for the
mere fun of discharging his musket. That man was then a boy of ten
and his family are still residing in Moscow.""Impossible!"
the Frenchman spluttered. "No French soldier would fire at a
child!""Nevertheless
the incident was as I say," I replied. "A very respected
ex-captain told me the story, and I myself could see the scar left on
his cheek."The
Frenchman then began chattering volubly, and the General supported
him; but I recommended the former to read, for example, extracts from
the memoirs of General Perovski, who, in 1812, was a prisoner in the
hands of the French. Finally Maria Philipovna said something to
interrupt the conversation. The General was furious with me for
having started the altercation with the Frenchman. On the other hand,
Mr. Astley seemed to take great pleasure in my brush with Monsieur,
and, rising from the table, proposed that we should go and have a
drink together. The same afternoon, at four o'clock, I went to have
my customary talk with Polina Alexandrovna; and, the talk soon
extended to a stroll. We entered the Park, and approached the Casino,
where Polina seated herself upon a bench near the fountain, and sent
Nadia away to a little distance to play with some other children.
Mischa also I dispatched to play by the fountain, and in this fashion
we—that is to say, Polina and myself—contrived to find ourselves
alone.Of
course, we began by talking on business matters. Polina seemed
furious when I handed her only 700 gulden, for she had thought to
receive from Paris, as the proceeds of the pledging of her diamonds,
at least 2000 gulden, or even more."Come
what may, I MUST have money," she said. "And get it somehow
I will—otherwise I shall be ruined."I
asked her what had happened during my absence."Nothing;
except that two pieces of news have reached us from St. Petersburg.
In the first place, my grandmother is very ill, and unlikely to last
another couple of days. We had this from Timothy Petrovitch himself,
and he is a reliable person. Every moment we are expecting to receive
news of the end.""All
of you are on the tiptoe of expectation?" I queried."Of
course—all of us, and every minute of the day. For a
year-and-a-half now we have been looking for this.""Looking
for it?""Yes,
looking for it. I am not her blood relation, you know—I am merely
the General's step-daughter. Yet I am certain that the old lady has
remembered me in her will.""Yes,
I believe that you WILL come in for a good deal," I said with
some assurance."Yes,
for she is fond of me. But how come you to think so?"I
answered this question with another one. "That Marquis of
yours," I said, "—is HE also familiar with your family
secrets?""And
why are you yourself so interested in them?" was her retort as
she eyed me with dry grimness."Never
mind. If I am not mistaken, the General has succeeded in borrowing
money of the Marquis.""It
may be so.""Is
it likely that the Marquis would have lent the money if he had not
known something or other about your grandmother? Did you notice, too,
that three times during luncheon, when speaking of her, he called her
'La Baboulenka'? [Dear little Grandmother]. What loving, friendly
behaviour, to be sure!""Yes,
that is true. As soon as ever he learnt that I was likely to inherit
something from her he began to pay me his addresses. I thought you
ought to know that.""Then
he has only just begun his courting? Why, I thought he had been doing
so a long while!""You
KNOW he has not," retorted Polina angrily. "But where on
earth did you pick up this Englishman?" She said this after a
pause."I
KNEW you would ask about him!" Whereupon I told her of my
previous encounters with Astley while travelling."He
is very shy," I said, "and susceptible. Also, he is in love
with you.—""Yes,
he is in love with me," she replied."And
he is ten times richer than the Frenchman. In fact, what does the
Frenchman possess? To me it seems at least doubtful that he possesses
anything at all.""Oh,
no, there is no doubt about it. He does possess some chateau or
other. Last night the General told me that for certain. NOW are you
satisfied?""Nevertheless,
in your place I should marry the Englishman.""And
why?" asked Polina."Because,
though the Frenchman is the handsomer of the two, he is also the
baser; whereas the Englishman is not only a man of honour, but ten
times the wealthier of the pair.""Yes?
But then the Frenchman is a marquis, and the cleverer of the two,"
remarked Polina imperturbably."Is
that so?" I repeated."Yes;
absolutely."Polina
was not at all pleased at my questions; I could see that she was
doing her best to irritate me with the brusquerie of her answers. But
I took no notice of this."It
amuses me to see you grow angry," she continued. "However,
inasmuch as I allow you to indulge in these questions and
conjectures, you ought to pay me something for the privilege.""I
consider that I have a perfect right to put these questions to you,"
was my calm retort; "for the reason that I am ready to pay for
them, and also care little what becomes of me."Polina
giggled."Last
time you told me—when on the Shlangenberg—that at a word from me
you would be ready to jump down a thousand feet into the abyss. Some
day I may remind you of that saying, in order to see if you will be
as good as your word. Yes, you may depend upon it that I shall do so.
I hate you because I have allowed you to go to such lengths, and I
also hate you and still more—because you are so necessary to me.
For the time being I want you, so I must keep you."Then
she made a movement to rise. Her tone had sounded very angry. Indeed,
of late her talks with me had invariably ended on a note of temper
and irritation—yes, of real temper."May
I ask you who is this Mlle. Blanche?" I inquired (since I did
not wish Polina to depart without an explanation)."You
KNOW who she is—just Mlle. Blanche. Nothing further has transpired.
Probably she will soon be Madame General—that is to say, if the
rumours that Grandmamma is nearing her end should prove true. Mlle.
Blanche, with her mother and her cousin, the Marquis, know very well
that, as things now stand, we are ruined.""And
is the General at last in love?""That
has nothing to do with it. Listen to me. Take these 700 florins, and
go and play roulette with them. Win as much for me as you can, for I
am badly in need of money."So
saying, she called Nadia back to her side, and entered the Casino,
where she joined the rest of our party. For myself, I took, in musing
astonishment, the first path to the left. Something had seemed to
strike my brain when she told me to go and play roulette. Strangely
enough, that something had also seemed to make me hesitate, and to
set me analysing my feelings with regard to her. In fact, during the
two weeks of my absence I had felt far more at my ease than I did
now, on the day of my return; although, while travelling, I had moped
like an imbecile, rushed about like a man in a fever, and actually
beheld her in my dreams. Indeed, on one occasion (this happened in
Switzerland, when I was asleep in the train) I had spoken aloud to
her, and set all my fellow-travellers laughing. Again, therefore, I
put to myself the question: "Do I, or do I not love her?"
and again I could return myself no answer or, rather, for the
hundredth time I told myself that I detested her. Yes, I detested
her; there were moments (more especially at the close of our talks
together) when I would gladly have given half my life to have
strangled her! I swear that, had there, at such moments, been a sharp
knife ready to my hand, I would have seized that knife with pleasure,
and plunged it into her breast. Yet I also swear that if, on the
Shlangenberg, she had REALLY said to me, "Leap into that abyss,"
I should have leapt into it, and with equal pleasure. Yes, this I
knew well. One way or the other, the thing must soon be ended. She,
too, knew it in some curious way; the thought that I was fully
conscious of her inaccessibility, and of the impossibility of my ever
realising my dreams, afforded her, I am certain, the keenest possible
pleasure. Otherwise, is it likely that she, the cautious and clever
woman that she was, would have indulged in this familiarity and
openness with me? Hitherto (I concluded) she had looked upon me in
the same light that the old Empress did upon her servant—the
Empress who hesitated not to unrobe herself before her slave, since
she did not account a slave a man. Yes, often Polina must have taken
me for something less than a man!"Still,
she had charged me with a commission—to win what I could at
roulette. Yet all the time I could not help wondering WHY it was so
necessary for her to win something, and what new schemes could have
sprung to birth in her ever-fertile brain. A host of new and unknown
factors seemed to have arisen during the last two weeks. Well, it
behoved me to divine them, and to probe them, and that as soon as
possible. Yet not now: at the present moment I must repair to the
roulette-table.
II
I
confess I did not like it. Although I had made up my mind to play, I
felt averse to doing so on behalf of some one else. In fact, it
almost upset my balance, and I entered the gaming rooms with an angry
feeling at my heart. At first glance the scene irritated me. Never at
any time have I been able to bear the flunkeyishness which one meets
in the Press of the world at large, but more especially in that of
Russia, where, almost every evening, journalists write on two
subjects in particular namely, on the splendour and luxury of the
casinos to be found in the Rhenish towns, and on the heaps of gold
which are daily to be seen lying on their tables. Those journalists
are not paid for doing so: they write thus merely out of a spirit of
disinterested complaisance. For there is nothing splendid about the
establishments in question; and, not only are there no heaps of gold
to be seen lying on their tables, but also there is very little money
to be seen at all. Of course, during the season, some madman or
another may make his appearance—generally an Englishman, or an
Asiatic, or a Turk—and (as had happened during the summer of which
I write) win or lose a great deal; but, as regards the rest of the
crowd, it plays only for petty gulden, and seldom does much wealth
figure on the board.
When,
on the present occasion, I entered the gaming-rooms (for the first
time in my life), it was several moments before I could even make up
my mind to play. For one thing, the crowd oppressed me. Had I been
playing for myself, I think I should have left at once, and never
have embarked upon gambling at all, for I could feel my heart
beginning to beat, and my heart was anything but cold-blooded. Also,
I knew, I had long ago made up my mind, that never should I depart
from Roulettenberg until some radical, some final, change had taken
place in my fortunes. Thus, it must and would be. However ridiculous
it may seem to you that I was expecting to win at roulette, I look
upon the generally accepted opinion concerning the folly and the
grossness of hoping to win at gambling as a thing even more absurd.
For why is gambling a whit worse than any other method of acquiring
money? How, for instance, is it worse than trade? True, out of a
hundred persons, only one can win; yet what business is that of yours
or of mine?
At
all events, I confined myself at first simply to looking on, and
decided to attempt nothing serious. Indeed, I felt that, if I began
to do anything at all, I should do it in an absent-minded, haphazard
sort of way—of that I felt certain. Also, it behoved me to learn
the game itself; since, despite a thousand descriptions of roulette
which I had read with ceaseless avidity, I knew nothing of its rules,
and had never even seen it played.
In
the first place, everything about it seemed to me so foul—so
morally mean and foul. Yet I am not speaking of the hungry, restless
folk who, by scores nay, even by hundreds—could be seen crowded
around the gaming-tables. For in a desire to win quickly and to win
much I can see nothing sordid; I have always applauded the opinion of
a certain dead and gone, but cocksure, moralist who replied to the
excuse that "one may always gamble moderately", by saying
that to do so makes things worse, since, in that case, the profits
too will always be moderate.
Insignificant
profits and sumptuous profits do not stand on the same footing. No,
it is all a matter of proportion. What may seem a small sum to a
Rothschild may seem a large sum to me, and it is not the fault of
stakes or of winnings that everywhere men can be found winning, can
be found depriving their fellows of something, just as they do at
roulette. As to the question whether stakes and winnings are, in
themselves, immoral is another question altogether, and I wish to
express no opinion upon it. Yet the very fact that I was full of a
strong desire to win caused this gambling for gain, in spite of its
attendant squalor, to contain, if you will, something intimate,
something sympathetic, to my eyes: for it is always pleasant to see
men dispensing with ceremony, and acting naturally, and in an
unbuttoned mood....
Yet,
why should I so deceive myself? I could see that the whole thing was
a vain and unreasoning pursuit; and what, at the first glance, seemed
to me the ugliest feature in this mob of roulette players was their
respect for their occupation—the seriousness, and even the
humility, with which they stood around the gaming tables. Moreover, I
had always drawn sharp distinctions between a game which is de
mauvais genre and a game which is permissible to a decent man. In
fact, there are two sorts of gaming—namely, the game of the
gentleman and the game of the plebs—the game for gain, and the game
of the herd. Herein, as said, I draw sharp distinctions. Yet how
essentially base are the distinctions! For instance, a gentleman may
stake, say, five or ten louis d'or—seldom more, unless he is a very
rich man, when he may stake, say, a thousand francs; but, he must do
this simply for the love of the game itself—simply for sport,
simply in order to observe the process of winning or of losing, and,
above all things, as a man who remains quite uninterested in the
possibility of his issuing a winner. If he wins, he will be at
liberty, perhaps, to give vent to a laugh, or to pass a remark on the
circumstance to a bystander, or to stake again, or to double his
stake; but, even this he must do solely out of curiosity, and for the
pleasure of watching the play of chances and of calculations, and not
because of any vulgar desire to win. In a word, he must look upon the
gaming-table, upon roulette, and upon trente et quarante, as mere
relaxations which have been arranged solely for his amusement. Of the
existence of the lures and gains upon which the bank is founded and
maintained he must profess to have not an inkling. Best of all, he
ought to imagine his fellow-gamblers and the rest of the mob which
stands trembling over a coin to be equally rich and gentlemanly with
himself, and playing solely for recreation and pleasure. This
complete ignorance of the realities, this innocent view of mankind,
is what, in my opinion, constitutes the truly aristocratic. For
instance, I have seen even fond mothers so far indulge their
guileless, elegant daughters—misses of fifteen or sixteen—as to
give them a few gold coins and teach them how to play; and though the
young ladies may have won or have lost, they have invariably laughed,
and departed as though they were well pleased. In the same way, I saw
our General once approach the table in a stolid, important manner. A
lacquey darted to offer him a chair, but the General did not even
notice him. Slowly he took out his money bags, and slowly extracted
300 francs in gold, which he staked on the black, and won. Yet he did
not take up his winnings—he left them there on the table. Again the
black turned up, and again he did not gather in what he had won; and
when, in the third round, the RED turned up he lost, at a stroke,
1200 francs. Yet even then he rose with a smile, and thus preserved
his reputation; yet I knew that his money bags must be chafing his
heart, as well as that, had the stake been twice or thrice as much
again, he would still have restrained himself from venting his
disappointment.
On
the other hand, I saw a Frenchman first win, and then lose, 30,000
francs cheerfully, and without a murmur. Yes; even if a gentleman
should lose his whole substance, he must never give way to annoyance.
Money must be so subservient to gentility as never to be worth a
thought. Of course, the SUPREMELY aristocratic thing is to be
entirely oblivious of the mire of rabble, with its setting; but
sometimes a reverse course may be aristocratic to remark, to scan,
and even to gape at, the mob (for preference, through a lorgnette),
even as though one were taking the crowd and its squalor for a sort
of raree show which had been organised specially for a gentleman's
diversion. Though one may be squeezed by the crowd, one must look as
though one were fully assured of being the observer—of having
neither part nor lot with the observed. At the same time, to stare
fixedly about one is unbecoming; for that, again, is ungentlemanly,
seeing that no spectacle is worth an open stare—are no spectacles
in the world which merit from a gentleman too pronounced an
inspection.
However,
to me personally the scene DID seem to be worth undisguised
contemplation—more especially in view of the fact that I had come
there not only to look at, but also to number myself sincerely and
wholeheartedly with, the mob. As for my secret moral views, I had no
room for them amongst my actual, practical opinions. Let that stand
as written: I am writing only to relieve my conscience. Yet let me
say also this: that from the first I have been consistent in having
an intense aversion to any trial of my acts and thoughts by a moral
standard. Another standard altogether has directed my life....
As
a matter of fact, the mob was playing in exceedingly foul fashion.
Indeed, I have an idea that sheer robbery was going on around that
gaming-table. The croupiers who sat at the two ends of it had not
only to watch the stakes, but also to calculate the game—an immense
amount of work for two men! As for the crowd itself—well, it
consisted mostly of Frenchmen. Yet I was not then taking notes merely
in order to be able to give you a description of roulette, but in
order to get my bearings as to my behaviour when I myself should
begin to play. For example, I noticed that nothing was more common
than for another's hand to stretch out and grab one's winnings
whenever one had won. Then there would arise a dispute, and
frequently an uproar; and it would be a case of "I beg of you to
prove, and to produce witnesses to the fact, that the stake is
yours."
At
first the proceedings were pure Greek to me. I could only divine and
distinguish that stakes were hazarded on numbers, on "odd"
or "even," and on colours. Polina's money I decided to
risk, that evening, only to the amount of 100 gulden. The thought
that I was not going to play for myself quite unnerved me. It was an
unpleasant sensation, and I tried hard to banish it. I had a feeling
that, once I had begun to play for Polina, I should wreck my own
fortunes. Also, I wonder if any one has EVER approached a
gaming-table without falling an immediate prey to superstition? I
began by pulling out fifty gulden, and staking them on "even."
The wheel spun and stopped at 13. I had lost! With a feeling like a
sick qualm, as though I would like to make my way out of the crowd
and go home, I staked another fifty gulden—this time on the red.
The red turned up. Next time I staked the 100 gulden just where they
lay—and again the red turned up. Again I staked the whole sum, and
again the red turned up. Clutching my 400 gulden, I placed 200 of
them on twelve figures, to see what would come of it. The result was
that the croupier paid me out three times my total stake! Thus from
100 gulden my store had grown to 800! Upon that such a curious, such
an inexplicable, unwonted feeling overcame me that I decided to
depart. Always the thought kept recurring to me that if I had been
playing for myself alone I should never have had such luck. Once more
I staked the whole 800 gulden on the "even." The wheel
stopped at 4. I was paid out another 800 gulden, and, snatching up my
pile of 1600, departed in search of Polina Alexandrovna.
I
found the whole party walking in the park, and was able to get an
interview with her only after supper. This time the Frenchman was
absent from the meal, and the General seemed to be in a more
expansive vein. Among other things, he thought it necessary to remind
me that he would be sorry to see me playing at the gaming-tables. In
his opinion, such conduct would greatly compromise him—especially
if I were to lose much. "And even if you were to WIN much I
should be compromised," he added in a meaning sort of way. "Of
course I have no RIGHT to order your actions, but you yourself will
agree that..." As usual, he did not finish his sentence. I
answered drily that I had very little money in my possession, and
that, consequently, I was hardly in a position to indulge in any
conspicuous play, even if I did gamble. At last, when ascending to my
own room, I succeeded in handing Polina her winnings, and told her
that, next time, I should not play for her.
"Why
not?" she asked excitedly.
"Because
I wish to play FOR MYSELF," I replied with a feigned glance of
astonishment. "That is my sole reason."
"Then
are you so certain that your roulette-playing will get us out of our
difficulties?" she inquired with a quizzical smile.
I
said very seriously, "Yes," and then added: "Possibly
my certainty about winning may seem to you ridiculous; yet, pray
leave me in peace."
Nonetheless
she insisted that I ought to go halves with her in the day's
winnings, and offered me 800 gulden on condition that henceforth, I
gambled only on those terms; but I refused to do so, once and for
all—stating, as my reason, that I found myself unable to play on
behalf of any one else, "I am not unwilling so to do," I
added, "but in all probability I should lose."
"Well,
absurd though it be, I place great hopes on your playing of
roulette," she remarked musingly; "wherefore, you ought to
play as my partner and on equal shares; wherefore, of course, you
will do as I wish."
Then
she left me without listening to any further protests on my part.
