THE BEGINNINGPhilip Haldane and his sister lived in a little red-roofed
house in a little red-roofed town. They had a little garden and a
little balcony, and a little stable with a little pony in it—and a
little cart for the pony to draw; a little canary hung in a little
cage in the little bow-window, and the neat little servant kept
everything as bright and clean as a little new pin.Philip had no one but his sister, and she had no one but
Philip. Their parents were dead, and Helen, who was twenty years
older than Philip and was really his half-sister, was all the
mother he had ever known. And he had never envied other boys their
mothers, because Helen was so kind and clever and dear. She gave up
almost all her time to him; she taught him all the lessons he
learned; she played with him, inventing the most wonderful new
games and adventures. So that every morning when Philip woke he
knew that he was waking to a new day of joyous and interesting
happenings. And this went on till Philip was ten years old, and he
had no least shadow of a doubt that it would go on for ever. The
beginning of the change came one day when he and Helen had gone for
a picnic to the wood where the waterfall was, and as they were
driving back behind the stout old pony, who was so good and quiet
that Philip was allowed to drive it. They were coming up the last
lane before the turning where their house was, and Helen
said:'To-morrow we'll weed the aster bed and have tea in the
garden.''Jolly,' said Philip, and they turned the corner and came in
sight of their white little garden gate. And a man was coming out
of it—a man who was not one of the friends they both knew. He
turned and came to meet them. Helen put her hand on the reins—a
thing which she had always taught Philip wasneverdone—and the pony stopped. The
man, who was, as Philip put it to himself, 'tall and tweedy,' came
across in front of the pony's nose and stood close by the wheel on
the side where Helen sat. She shook hands with him, and said, 'How
do you do?' in quite the usual way. But after that they whispered.
Whispered! And Philip knew how rude it is to whisper, because Helen
had often told him this. He heard one or two words, 'at last,' and
'over now,' and 'this evening, then.'After that Helen said, 'This is my brother Philip,' and the
man shook hands with him—across Helen, another thing which Philip
knew was not manners, and said, 'I hope we shall be the best of
friends.' Pip said, 'How do you do?' because that is the polite
thing to say. But inside himself he said, 'I don't want to be
friends withyou.'Then the man took off his hat and walked away, and Philip and
his sister went home. She seemed different, somehow, and he was
sent to bed a little earlier than usual, but he could not go to
sleep for a long time, because he heard the front-door bell ring
and afterwards a man's voice and Helen's going on and on in the
little drawing-room under the room which was his bedroom. He went
to sleep at last, and when he woke up in the morning it was
raining, and the sky was grey and miserable. He lost his
collar-stud, he tore one of his stockings as he pulled it on, he
pinched his finger in the door, and he dropped his tooth-mug, with
water in it too, and the mug was broken and the water went into his
boots. There are mornings, you know, when things happen like that.
This was one of them.Then he went down to breakfast, which tasted not quite so
nice as usual. He was late, of course. The bacon fat was growing
grey with waiting for him, as Helen said, in the cheerful voice
that had always said all the things he liked best to hear. But
Philip didn't smile. It did not seem the sort of morning for
smiling, and the grey rain beat against the window.After breakfast Helen said, 'Tea in the garden is
indefinitely postponed, and it's too wet for lessons.'That was one of her charming ideas—that wet days should not
be made worse by lessons.'What shall we do?' she said; 'shall we talk about the
island? Shall I make another map of it? And put in all the gardens
and fountains and swings?'The island was a favourite play. Somewhere in the warm seas
where palm trees are, and rainbow-coloured sands, the island was
said to be—their own island, beautified by their fancy with
everything they liked and wanted, and Philip was never tired of
talking about it. There were times when he almost believed that the
island was real. He was king of the island and Helen was queen, and
no one else was to be allowed on it. Only these two.But this morning even the thought of the island failed to
charm. Philip straggled away to the window and looked out dismally
at the soaked lawn and the dripping laburnum trees, and the row of
raindrops hanging fat and full on the iron gate.'What is it, Pippin?' Helen asked. 'Don't tell me you're
going to have horrid measles, or red-hot scarlet fever, or noisy
whooping-cough.'She came across and laid her hand on his
forehead.'Why, you're quite hot, boy of my heart. Tell sister, what is
it?''Youtellme,' said Philip slowly.'Tell you what, Pip?''You think you ought to bear it alone, like in books, and be
noble and all that. But youmusttell me; you promised you'd never have any secrets from me,
Helen, you know you did.'Helen put her arm round him and said nothing. And from her
silence Pip drew the most desperate and harrowing conclusions. The
silence lasted. The rain gurgled in the water-pipe and dripped on
the ivy. The canary in the green cage that hung in the window put
its head on one side and tweaked a seed husk out into Philip's
face, then twittered defiantly. But his sister said
nothing.'Don't,' said Philip suddenly, 'don't break it to me; tell me
straight out.''Tell you what?' she said again.'What is it?' he said. 'Iknow how these unforetold misfortunes happen. Some one always
comes—and then it's broken to the family.''Whatis?' she
asked.'The misfortune,' said Philip breathlessly. 'Oh, Helen, I'm
not a baby. Do tell me! Have we lost our money in a burst bank? Or
is the landlord going to put bailiffs into our furniture? Or are we
going to be falsely accused about forgery, or being
burglars?'All the books Philip had ever read worked together in his
mind to produce these melancholy suggestions. Helen laughed, and
instantly felt a stiffening withdrawal of her brother from her
arm.'No, no, my Pippin, dear,' she made haste to say. 'Nothing
horrid like that has happened.''Then what is it?' he asked, with a growing impatience that
felt like a wolf gnawing inside him.'I didn't want to tell you all in a hurry like this,' she
said anxiously; 'but don't you worry, my boy of boys. It's
something that makes me very happy. I hope it will you,
too.'He swung round in the circling of her arm and looked at her
with sudden ecstasy.'Oh, Helen, dear—I know! Some one has left you a hundred
thousand pounds a year—some one you once opened a railway-carriage
door for—and now I can have a pony of my very own to ride. Can't
I?''Yes,' said Helen slowly, 'you can have a pony; but nobody's
left me anything. Look here, my Pippin,' she added, very quickly,
'don't ask any more questions. I'll tell you. When I was quite
little like you I had a dear friend I used to play with all day
long, and when we grew up we were friends still. He lived quite
near us. And then he married some one else. And then the some one
died. And now he wants me to marry him. And he's got lots of horses
and a beautiful house and park,' she added.'And where shall I be?' he asked.'With me, of course, wherever I am.''It won't be just us two any more, though,' said Philip, 'and
you said it should be, for ever and ever.''But I didn't know then, Pip, dear. He's been wanting me so
long——''Don'tIwant you?' said
Pip to himself.'And he's got a little girl that you'll like so to play
with,' she went on. 'Her name's Lucy, and she's just a year younger
than you. And you'll be the greatest friends with her. And you'll
both have ponies to ride, and——''I hate her,' cried Philip, very loud, 'and I hate him, and I
hate their beastly ponies. And I hateyou!' And with these dreadful words he
flung off her arm and rushed out of the room, banging the door
after him—on purpose.Well, she found him in the boot-cupboard, among the gaiters
and goloshes and cricket-stumps and old rackets, and they kissed
and cried and hugged each other, and he said he was sorry he had
been naughty. But in his heart that was the only thing he was sorry
for. He was sorry that he had made Helen unhappy. He still hated
'that man,' and most of all he hated Lucy.He had to be polite to that man. His sister was very fond of
that man, and this made Philip hate him still more, while at the
same time it made him careful not to show how he hated him. Also it
made him feel that hating that man was not quite fair to his
sister, whom he loved. But there were no feelings of that kind to
come in the way of the detestation he felt for Lucy. Helen had told
him that Lucy had fair hair and wore it in two plaits; and he
pictured her to himself as a fat, stumpy little girl, exactly like
the little girl in the story of 'The Sugar Bread' in the old oblong
'Shock-Headed Peter' book that had belonged to Helen when she was
little.Helen was quite happy. She divided her love between the boy
she loved and the man she was going to marry, and she believed that
they were both as happy as she was. The man, whose name was Peter
Graham, was happy enough; the boy, who was Philip, was amused—for
she kept him so—but under the amusement he was
miserable.And the wedding-day came and went. And Philip travelled on a
very hot afternoon by strange trains and a strange carriage to a
strange house, where he was welcomed by a strange nurse
and—Lucy.'You won't mind going to stay at Peter's beautiful house
without me, will you, dear?' Helen had asked. 'Every one will be
kind to you, and you'll have Lucy to play with.'And Philip said he didn't mind. What else could he say,
without being naughty and making Helen cry again?Lucy was not a bit like the Sugar-Bread child. She had fair
hair, it is true, and it was plaited in two braids, but they were
very long and straight; she herself was long and lean and had a
freckled face and bright, jolly eyes.'I'm so glad you've come,' she said, meeting him on the steps
of the most beautiful house he had ever seen; 'we can play all sort
of things now that you can't play when you're only one. I'm an only
child,' she added, with a sort of melancholy pride. Then she
laughed. '"Only" rhymes with "lonely," doesn't it?' she
said.'I don't know,' said Philip, with deliberate falseness, for
he knew quite well.He said no more.Lucy tried two or three other beginnings of conversation, but
Philip contradicted everything she said.'I'm afraid he's very very stupid,' she said to her nurse, an
extremely trained nurse, who firmly agreed with her. And when her
aunt came to see her next day, Lucy said that the little new boy
was stupid, and disagreeable as well as stupid, and Philip
confirmed this opinion of his behaviour to such a degree that the
aunt, who was young and affectionate, had Lucy's clothes packed at
once and carried her off for a few days' visit.So Philip and the nurse were left at the Grange. There was
nobody else in the house but servants. And now Philip began to know
what loneliness meant. The letters and the picture post-cards which
his sister sent every day from the odd towns on the continent of
Europe, which she visited on her honeymoon, did not cheer the boy.
They merely exasperated him, reminding him of the time when she was
all his own, and was too near to him to need to send him post-cards
and letters.The extremely trained nurse, who wore a grey uniform and
white cap and apron, disapproved of Philip to the depths of her
well-disciplined nature. 'Cantankerous little pig,' she called him
to herself.To the housekeeper she said, 'He is an unusually difficult
and disagreeable child. I should imagine that his education has
been much neglected. He wants a tight hand.'She did not use a tight hand to him, however. She treated him
with an indifference more annoying than tyranny. He had immense
liberty of a desolate, empty sort. The great house was his to go to
and fro in. But he was not allowed to touch anything in it. The
garden was his—to wander through, but he must not pluck flowers or
fruit. He had no lessons, it is true; but, then, he had no games
either. There was a nursery, but he was not imprisoned in it—was
not even encouraged to spend his time there. He was sent out for
walks, and alone, for the park was large and safe. And the nursery
was the room of all that great house that attracted him most, for
it was full of toys of the most fascinating kind. A rocking-horse
as big as a pony, the finest dolls' house you ever saw, boxes of
tea-things, boxes of bricks—both the wooden and the terra-cotta
sorts—puzzle maps, dominoes, chessmen, draughts, every kind of toy
or game that you have ever had or ever wished to have.And Pip was not allowed to play with any of
them.'You mustn't touch anything, if you please,' the nurse said,
with that icy politeness which goes with a uniform. 'The toys are
Miss Lucy's. No; I couldn't be responsible for giving you
permission to play with them. No; I couldn't think of troubling
Miss Lucy by writing to ask her if you may play with them. No; I
couldn't take upon myself to give you Miss Lucy's
address.'For Philip's boredom and his desire had humbled him even to
the asking for this.For two whole days he lived at the Grange, hating it and
every one in it; for the servants took their cue from the nurse,
and the child felt that in the whole house he had not a friend.
Somehow he had got the idea firmly in his head that this was a time
when Helen was not to be bothered about anything; so he wrote to
her that he was quite well, thank you, and the park was very pretty
and Lucy had lots of nice toys. He felt very brave and noble, and
like a martyr. And he set his teeth to bear it all. It was like
spending a few days at the dentist's.And then suddenly everything changed. The nurse got a
telegram. A brother who had been thought to be drowned at sea had
abruptly come home. She must go to see him. 'If it costs me the
situation,' she said to the housekeeper, who answered:'Oh, well—go, then. I'll be responsible for the boy—sulky
little brat.'And the nurse went. In a happy bustle she packed her boxes
and went. At the last moment Philip, on the doorstep watching her
climb into the dog-cart, suddenly sprang forward.'Oh, Nurse!' he cried, blundering against the almost moving
wheel, and it was the first time he had called her by any name.
'Nurse, do—do say I may take Lucy's toys to play with; itisso lonely here. I may, mayn't I? I
may take them?'Perhaps the nurse's heart was softened by her own happiness
and the thought of the brother who was not drowned. Perhaps she was
only in such a hurry that she did not know what she was saying. At
any rate, when Philip said for the third time, 'May I take them?'
she hastily answered:'Bless the child! Take anything you like. Mind the wheel, for
goodness' sake. Good-bye, everybody!' waved her hand to the
servants assembled at the top of the wide steps, and was whirled
off to joyous reunion with the undrowned brother.Philip drew a deep breath of satisfaction, went straight up
to the nursery, took out all the toys, and examined every single
one of them. It took him all the afternoon.The next day he looked at all the things again and longed to
make something with them. He was accustomed to the joy that comes
of making things. He and Helen had built many a city for the dream
island out of his own two boxes of bricks and certain other things
in the house—her Japanese cabinet, the dominoes and chessmen,
cardboard boxes, books, the lids of kettles and teapots. But they
had never had enough bricks. Lucy had enough bricks for
anything.He began to build a city on the nursery table. But to build
with bricks alone is poor work when you have been used to building
with all sorts of other things.'It looks like a factory,' said Philip discontentedly. He
swept the building down and replaced the bricks in their different
boxes.'There must be something downstairs that would come in
useful,' he told himself, 'and she did say, "Take what you
like."'By armfuls, two and three at a time, he carried down the
boxes of bricks and the boxes of blocks, the draughts, the
chessmen, and the box of dominoes. He took them into the long
drawing-room where the crystal chandeliers were, and the chairs
covered in brown holland—and the many long, light windows, and the
cabinets and tables covered with the most interesting
things.He cleared a big writing-table of such useless and
unimportant objects as blotting-pad, silver inkstand, and
red-backed books, and there was a clear space for his
city.He began to build.A bronze Egyptian god on a black and gold cabinet seemed to
be looking at him from across the room.'All right,' said Philip. 'I'll build you a temple. You wait
a bit.'The bronze god waited and the temple grew, and two silver
candlesticks, topped by chessmen, served admirably as pillars for
the portico. He made a journey to the nursery to fetch the Noah's
Ark animals—the pair of elephants, each standing on a brick,
flanked the entrance. It looked splendid, like an Assyrian temple
in the pictures Helen had shown him. But the bricks, wherever he
built with them alone, looked mean, and like factories or
workhouses. Bricks alone always do.Philip explored again. He found the library. He made several
journeys. He brought up twenty-seven volumes bound in white vellum
with marbled boards, a set of Shakespeare, ten volumes in green
morocco. These made pillars and cloisters, dark, mysterious, and
attractive. More Noah's Ark animals added an Egyptian-looking
finish to the building.'Lor', ain't it pretty!' said the parlour-maid, who came to
call him to tea. 'You are clever with your fingers, Master Philip,
I will say that for you. But you'll catch it, taking all them
things.''That grey nurse said I might,' said Philip, 'and it doesn't
hurt things building with them. My sister and I always did it at
home,' he added, looking confidingly at the parlour-maid. She had
praised his building. And it was the first time he had mentioned
his sister to any one in that house.'Well, it's as good as a peep-show,' said the parlour-maid;
'it's just like them picture post-cards my brother in India sends
me. All them pillars and domes and things—and the animals too. I
don't know how you fare to think of such things, that I
don't.'
'Lor', ain't it pretty!' said the
parlour-maid.
Praise is sweet. He slipped his hand into that of the
parlour-maid as they went down the wide stairs to the hall, where
tea awaited him—a very little tray on a very big, dark
table.'He's not half a bad child,' said Susan at her tea in the
servants' quarters. 'That nurse frightened him out of his little
wits with her prim ways, you may depend. He's civil enough if you
speak him civil.''But Miss Lucy didn't frighten him, I suppose,' said the
cook; 'and look how he behaved to her.''Well, he's quiet enough, anyhow. You don't hear a breath of
him from morning till night,' said the upper housemaid; 'seems
silly-like to me.''You slip in and look what he's been building, that's all,'
Susan told them. 'You won't call him silly then. India an' pagodas
ain't in it.'They did slip in, all of them, when Philip had gone to bed.
The building had progressed, though it was not
finished.'I shan't touch a thing,' said Susan. 'Let him have it to
play with to-morrow. We'll clear it all away before that nurse
comes back with her caps and her collars and her stuck-up
cheek.'So next day Philip went on with his building. He put
everything you can think of into it: the dominoes, and the
domino-box; bricks and books; cotton-reels that he begged from
Susan, and a collar-box and some cake-tins contributed by the cook.
He made steps of the dominoes and a terrace of the domino-box. He
got bits of southernwood out of the garden and stuck them in
cotton-reels, which made beautiful pots, and they looked like bay
trees in tubs. Brass finger-bowls served for domes, and the lids of
brass kettles and coffee-pots from the oak dresser in the hall made
minarets of dazzling splendour. Chessmen were useful for minarets,
too.'I must have paved paths and a fountain,' said Philip
thoughtfully. The paths were paved with mother-of-pearl card
counters, and the fountain was a silver and glass ash-tray, with a
needlecase of filigree silver rising up from the middle of it; and
the falling water was made quite nicely out of narrow bits of the
silver paper off the chocolate Helen had given him at parting. Palm
trees were easily made—Helen had shown him how to do that—with bits
of larch fastened to elder stems with plasticine. There was plenty
of plasticine among Lucy's toys; there was plenty of
everything.And the city grew, till it covered the table. Philip,
unwearied, set about to make another city on another table. This
had for chief feature a great water-tower, with a fountain round
its base; and now he stopped at nothing. He unhooked the crystal
drops from the great chandeliers to make his fountains. This city
was grander than the first. It had a grand tower made of a
waste-paper basket and an astrologer's tower that was a
photograph-enlarging machine.The cities were really very beautiful. I wish I could
describe them thoroughly to you. But it would take pages and pages.
Besides all the things I have told of alone there were towers and
turrets and grand staircases, pagodas and pavilions, canals made
bright and water-like by strips of silver paper, and a lake with a
boat on it. Philip put into his buildings all the things out of the
doll's house that seemed suitable. The wooden things-to-eat and
dishes. The leaden tea-cups and goblets. He peopled the place with
dominoes and pawns. The handsome chessmen were used for minarets.
He made forts and garrisoned them with lead soldiers.He worked hard and he worked cleverly, and as the cities grew
in beauty and interestingness he loved them more and more. He was
happy now. There was no time to be unhappy in.'I will keep it as it is till Helen comes. How she
willloveit!' he
said.The two cities were connected by a bridge which was a
yard-stick he had found in the servants' sewing-room and taken
without hindrance, for by this time all the servants were his
friends. Susan had been the first—that was all.He had just laid his bridge in place, and put Mr. and Mrs.
Noah in the chief square to represent the inhabitants, and was
standing rapt in admiration of his work, when a hard hand on each
of his shoulders made him start and scream.It was the nurse. She had come back a day sooner than any one
expected her. The brother had brought home a wife, and she and the
nurse had not liked each other; so she was very cross, and she took
Philip by the shoulders and shook him, a thing which had never
happened to him before.'You naughty, wicked boy!' she said, still
shaking.'But I haven't hurt anything—I'll put everything back,' he
said, trembling and very pale.'You'll not touch any of it again,' said the nurse. 'I'll see
to that. I shall put everything away myself in the morning. Taking
what doesn't belong to you!''But you said I might take anything I liked,' said Philip,
'so if it's wrong it's your fault.''You untruthful child!' cried the nurse, and hit him over the
knuckles. Now, no one had ever hit Philip before. He grew paler
than ever, but he did not cry, though his hands hurt rather badly.
For she had snatched up the yard-stick to hit him with, and it was
hard and cornery.'You are a coward,' said Philip, 'and it is you who are
untruthful and not me.''Hold your tongue,' said the nurse, and whirled him off to
bed.'You'll get no supper, so there!' she said, angrily tucking
him up.'I don't want any,' said Philip, 'and I have to forgive you
before the sun goes down.''Forgive, indeed!' said she, flouncing out.'When you get sorry you'll know I've forgiven you,' Philip
called after her, which, of course, made her angrier than
ever.Whether Philip cried when he was alone is not our business.
Susan, who had watched the shaking and the hitting without daring
to interfere, crept up later with milk and sponge-cakes. She found
him asleep, and she says his eyelashes were wet.When he awoke he thought at first that it was morning, the
room was so light. But presently he saw that it was not yellow
sunlight but white moonshine which made the beautiful
brightness.He wondered at first why he felt so unhappy, then he
remembered how Helen had gone away and how hateful the nurse had
been. And now she would pull down the city and Helen would never
see it. And he would never be able to build such a beautiful one
again. In the morning it would be gone, and he would not be able
even to remember how it was built.The moonlight was very bright.'I wonder how my city looks by moonlight?' he
said.And then, all in a thrilling instant, he made up his mind to
go down and see for himself how it did look.He slipped on his dressing-gown, opened his door softly, and
crept along the corridor and down the broad staircase, then along
the gallery and into the drawing-room. It was very dark, but he
felt his way to a window and undid the shutter, and there lay his
city, flooded with moonlight, just as he had imagined
it.He gazed on it for a moment in ecstasy and then turned to
shut the door. As he did so he felt a slight strange giddiness and
stood a moment with his hand to his head. He turned and went again
towards the city, and when he was close to it he gave a little cry,
hastily stifled, for fear some one should hear him and come down
and send him to bed. He stood and gazed about him bewildered and,
once more, rather giddy. For the city had, in a quick blink of
light, followed by darkness, disappeared. So had the drawing-room.
So had the chair that stood close to the table. He could see
mountainous shapes raising enormous heights in the distance, and
the moonlight shone on the tops of them. But he himself seemed to
be in a vast, flat plain. There was the softness of long grass
round his feet, but there were no trees, no houses, no hedges or
fences to break the expanse of grass. It seemed darker in some
parts than others. That was all. It reminded him of the illimitable
prairie of which he had read in books of adventure.'I suppose I'm dreaming,' said Philip, 'though I don't see
how I can have gone to sleep just while I was turning the door
handle. However——'He stood still expecting that something would happen. In
dreams something always does happen, if it's only that the dream
comes to an end. But nothing happened now—Philip just stood there
quite quietly and felt the warm soft grass round his
ankles.Then, as his eyes became used to the darkness of the plain,
he saw some way off a very steep bridge leading up to a dark height
on whose summit the moon shone whitely. He walked towards it, and
as he approached he saw that it was less like a bridge than a sort
of ladder, and that it rose to a giddy height above him. It seemed
to rest on a rock far up against dark sky, and the inside of the
rock seemed hollowed out in one vast dark cave.
Beyond it he could see dim piles that looked like
churches and houses.
And now he was close to the foot of the ladder. It had
no rungs, but narrow ledges made hold for feet and hands. Philip
remembered Jack and the Beanstalk, and looked up longingly; but the
ladder was a very very long one. On the other hand, it was the only
thing that seemed to lead anywhere, and he had had enough of
standing lonely in the grassy prairie, where he seemed to have been
for a very long time indeed. So he put his hands and feet to the
ladder and began to go up. It was a very long climb. There were
three hundred and eight steps, for he counted them. And the steps
were only on one side of the ladder, so he had to be extremely
careful. On he went, up and on, on and up, till his feet ached and
his hands felt as though they would drop off for tiredness. He
could not look up far, and he dared not look down at all. There was
nothing for it but to climb and climb and climb, and at last he saw
the ground on which the ladder rested—a terrace hewn in regular
lines, and, as it seemed, hewn from the solid rock. His head was
level with the ground, now his hands, now his feet. He leaped
sideways from the ladder and threw himself face down on the ground,
which was cold and smooth like marble. There he lay, drawing deep
breaths of weariness and relief.There was a great silence all about, which rested and
soothed, and presently he rose and looked around him. He was close
to an archway with very thick pillars, and he went towards it and
peeped cautiously in. It seemed to be a great gate leading to an
open space, and beyond it he could see dim piles that looked like
churches and houses. But all was deserted; the moonlight and he had
the place, whatever it was, to themselves.'I suppose every one's in bed,' said Philip, and stood there
trembling a little, but very curious and interested, in the black
shadow of the strange arch.