The Pain and the Itch E-Book

Bruce Norris

• Herausgeber: Nick Hern Books
• Kategorie: Poesie und Drama
• Serie: NHB Modern Plays
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 127

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2015

Beschreibung

A hilarious social satire about liberal hypocrisy from an American writer whose work has been staged by the world famous Steppenwolf Theatre. A cosy family Thanksgiving dinner for six. But someone - or something - is leaving bite marks in the avocados. Clay and Kelly's daughter Kayla has an itch and Carol can't remember who played Gandhi. Bruce Norris's play The Pain and the Itch holds up a mirror to those who want it all: moral superiority and a widescreen TV. It was first staged by Steppenwolf Theatre Company in Chicago in June 2005. The play received its New York premiere at Playwrights Horizons in September 2006, and was first performed in the UK at the Royal Court Theatre, London, in June 2007.

Leseprobe

Bruce Norris

THE PAIN AND THE ITCH

NICK HERN BOOKS

London

www.nickhernbooks.co.uk

Contents

Title Page

Original Production

Characters

Act One

Act Two

About the Author

Copyright and Performing Rights Information

The Pain and the Itch was originally commissioned by the Philadelphia Theatre Company (Sara Garonzik, Producing Director).

The Pain and the Itch received its world premiere at the Steppenwolf Theatre Company, Chicago, on 30 June 2005, with the following cast:

MR HADID

James Vincent Meredith

KELLY

Mariann Mayberry

CLAY

Zak Orth

KAYLA

Lillan Almaguer/Darragh Quinn Dolan

CASH

Tracy Letts

KALINA

Kate Arrington

CAROL

Jane Houdyshell

Director

Anna D Shapiro

Designer

Dan Ostling

Lighting Designer

James F. Ingalls

Sound Designer

Rob Milburn & Michael Bodeen

The Pain and the Itch received its New York premiere at Playwrights Horizons, on 1 September 2006, with the following cast:

MR HADID

Peter Jay Fernandez

CLAY

Christopher Evan Welch

KELLY

Mia Barron

KAYLA

Ada-Marie L. Guitierrez/Vivien Kells

KALINA

Aya Cash

CASH

Reg Rogers

CAROL

Jane Houdyshell

Director

Anna D Shapiro

Designer

Dan Ostling

Lighting Designer

Donald Holder

Sound Designer

Rob Milburn & Michael Bodeen

The Pain and the Itch received its British premiere at the Royal Court Jerwood Theatre Downstairs, London, on 14 June 2007, with the following cast:

MR HADID

Abdi Gouhad

CLAY

Matthew Macfadyen

KELLY

Sara Stewart

KAYLA

Hannah Gunn/Shannon Kelly/Angelica Trew

CASH

Peter Sullivan

KALINA

Andrea Riseborough

CAROL

Amanda Boxer

Director

Dominic Cooke

Designer

Robert Innes Hopkins

Lighting Designer

Hugh Vanstone

Sound Designer

Paul Arditti

Characters

CLAY

KELLY

KAYLA

CASH

KALINA

CAROL

MR HADID

ACT ONE

Afternoon. Snow falls outside. KELLY and CLAY sit side by side on the sofa. CLAY holds the BABY. They both stare at MR HADID, who holds his face in his hands and sobs quietly. This goes on for some time. Finally:

MR HADID. I am sorry.

CLAY (rapidly). No.

KELLY (the same). Don’t.

CLAY. It’s okay.

KELLY. It is so okay.

CLAY. More than okay. You should feel absolutely –

KELLY. However you need to . . . however the feelings have to . . . I mean, it’s loss, for God’s sake.

CLAY. And that loss, the grief that arises from loss . . . it would be unnatural to try to suppress –

KELLY. You can’t.

CLAY. You can’t do that.

KELLY. It’s harmful to do that.

CLAY. It is. No. What you’re doing. It’s the right thing, and an emotion, I mean, this is something we’ve been working on. The importance of honouring emotions in the moment that . . . (To KELLY.) What?

KELLY is trying to stop him.

What? I’m agreeing with you.

She mouths some words to CLAY.

(Quietly, to MR HADID.) I thought we were in agreement.

MR HADID wipes his eyes.

MR HADID. I am better now.

CLAY. But what we wanted to say was –

Then the BABY starts crying. Loudly.

Uh-oh. Hey now. Hey, mister.

KELLY. I’ll do it.

CLAY. Hey, Mister Angry Face.

KELLY. Clay.

CLAY. I got him.

KELLY. Let me do it.

CLAY. Whatsamatter, Groucho? Hey, Groucho Marx.

KELLY. Clay.

CLAY (laughing). Ohh, he’s mad, isn’t he? Look at that face! Grrrrrr!

KELLY. Would you let me do it?

CLAY. Heyyy. Shhh.

KELLY. Please just give him to me.

CLAY (handing BABY over to KELLY). He’s stopping. He’s stopping.

KELLY. Well, don’t bounce him.

MR HADID. Now I make him cry.

KELLY. No, no, no. Not you.

CLAY. I was only shushing him.

KELLY. We didn’t mean you.

CLAY. No, he just gets a little hyper if he doesn’t sleep through the night, but you should go ahead and . . . (To the BABY.) Huh? Feeling better now, huh? Yeah. (To KELLY.) I wasn’t bouncing.

KELLY. Jiggling, anyway.

During this, KAYLA has come downstairs, unnoticed. She picks up the TV remote and presses a button. The TV screen is filled with cartoons of clowns and loud children’s music fills the room. The BABY cries more loudly.

CLAY (loud, to KAYLA). Sweetie?

KELLY. Honey?

CLAY. Kayla?

KELLY. Not now, sweetie.

CLAY. Later, okay?

KELLY. We can watch that later, is that okay?

CLAY. After the grown-ups are done.

KAYLA switches off the set, extracts the tape and calmly leaves the room.

KELLY (to KAYLA, as she leaves). Thank you, sweetie.

CLAY (the same). That’s very nice of you. Very polite.

KELLY (the same). You’re very thoughtful.

CLAY. Very considerate.

She is gone. The BABY has stopped.

MR HADID. You were going to say?

KELLY. Yes.

CLAY. Yes. So. Okay. So the situation was: the day before. We’re having breakfast.

KELLY. I had just started going back to the office again.

CLAY. It’s the Tuesday before the holiday, and he (Re. the BABY.) had just been born and she’s on her way into the office in the morning and I’m making breakfast, I’m making eggs for Kayla.

KELLY. And Kayla goes, Mommy look.

CLAY. Shrieks, and says it.

KELLY. And I look, and there in her hand, right out of the bowl on the table –

CLAY. Kitchen table.

KELLY. This bowl has avocados in it and one of these avocados has been, what? Has been –

CLAY. – let’s just say gnawed.

KELLY. Gnawed on.

CLAY. Extensively gnawed upon.

KELLY. Right down to the pit, has been consumed. Something, some sort of –

CLAY. Non-human.

KELLY. Unless you know some human that bites into an avocado like it was an apple, all right? So, yes, some non-human creature has entered our house and is now feasting on our avocados.

CLAY. And of course the mind devises these scenarios.

KELLY. But the bottom line is: one, what sort of toothed creature are we dealing with; two, what is the point of entry; and three, where exactly is it now?

MR HADID. Do you have a pet?

Pause.

KELLY (an uncomfortable subject). Uhhh . . . no.

CLAY. No.

KELLY. No.

CLAY. No, we . . .

KELLY. No, although Kayla loves hamsters, about which I have said absolutely not.

CLAY. What with the allergies.

KELLY. No. Clay used to have a cat. But there’s toxoplasmosis.

CLAY. From the litter box.

KELLY. First trimester, harms the foetus.

CLAY. Potentially.

KELLY. Can harm.

CLAY. It’s not a certainty, but –

KELLY. It’s a risk.

CLAY. A low risk.

KELLY. Not a risk I personally would want to take.

CLAY. Not that I’m questioning the decision because ultimately it is a life we’re talking about and you have to ask yourself, do I give priority to a cat’s life? Or to . . . to . . . to . . . ?

KELLY. To a human life.

CLAY. Right. Right. Right. So. Right. So, we made the decision. I made the decision.

KELLY. You can say we.

CLAY. To have him killed.

KELLY (to MR HADID). Some people might say put to sleep.

CLAY (laughs). Well, I mean, he’s not exactly sleeping, is he? He’s dead, right? Chester is dead now and and and –

KELLY. Clay.

CLAY. And we did it. Or rather, the vet, at our request.

KELLY (to MR HADID). He was euthanised.

CLAY. So, no. We don’t have pets.

KELLY. But if you see this on your kitchen table. Your child sees it. Touches it. And admittedly, I am someone who tends to, on occasion –

CLAY. Overreact.

KELLY silently stares straight ahead.

Well, honey, I mean . . . (Laughs.) I mean, at least fixate.

KELLY (to MR HADID). We’re being so rude. Can I get you something?

MR HADID. I am fine.

KELLY. We have seltzer. Or iced tea.

CLAY (to KELLY). Or those green tea things in the bottles.

KELLY. Or caffeine-free Diet Coke. Or with.

CLAY (to KELLY). Or bottled water. Or tap water.

MR HADID. I am fine.

Uncomfortable pause.

CLAY. It just means a lot to us that you would –

MR HADID (interrupting). Unless you have some apple juice?

KELLY. Oh! Uhhh . . . ?

CLAY. Do we?

KELLY. No. Just. Well.

CLAY. Not the good kind.

KELLY. We have, what is it, like Mott’s?

MR HADID. It is apple juice?

KELLY. Yeah.

MR HADID. I will have that, thank you.

KELLY and CLAY both stand. KELLY exits, taking the BABY. CLAY sits.

CLAY (for lack of anything better to say). I used to have a beard. Years ago. Seriously. My dad had a moustache. But on me, with the shape of my face, I always thought the full beard. Kelly, though, she . . . didn’t so much care for it. But I could grow another. One of these days.

Pause.

It’s just, we want you to get an accurate picture of who we are. Which is so hard because you’re tempted to fall back on clichés. Which is frustrating if you want someone to understand the things that motivate you. Or all of us. As a people. (He laughs.) Well. There you go. Sounds clichéd. No, what I mean is . . . That this society, our society, as a whole . . . (Flailing.) Okay. Once again. What does that mean? Society as a whole? I don’t even know what that means. I can only talk about us. The things that motivate us, because –

MR HADID (raises his hand). Excuse me? I cannot stay terribly long.

CLAY. But . . . the others are going to be here.

MR HADID. I have a little time.

CLAY. Especially Mom.

MR HADID. I have some time.

CLAY. And . . . didn’t you want the juice?

MR HADID. Perhaps you could finish the story of the avocados.

CLAY. Exactly. Yes. So: that was Tuesday. Wednesday, I call the exterminator. And then, of course, it was Thursday, which was the holiday.

Lights change. Snow stops. Evening. It is now Thanksgiving. Tasteful home-entertainment music begins to play. KAYLA, now wearing a party dress, runs through the room, shrieking. She is being chased by KALINA. CASH enters from the kitchen.

CASH. Why do you rule out a squirrel?

CLAY. No. They came. They looked everywhere. They said it’s not.

CASH. The squirrel is a foraging animal.

CLAY. They said this is something that has an appetite for fruit. Which to them did not suggest a squirrel.

CASH. Fruit?

CLAY. Yes.

CASH. Avocado’s a vegetable.

CLAY. The fruit of the avocado tree.

CASH. Tree?

CLAY. Yes.

CASH. Think it’s a bush.

CLAY. And even if it was a squirrel –

CASH. Could’ve been nuts in the vicinity.

CLAY. Even if it was.

CASH. Squirrel comes around, he’s foraging for nuts, gets distracted by the avocado –

CLAY (overlapping). It’s not, but . . .

CASH (continuous) – gets to that avocado pit, squirrel’s thinking, hey, I just discovered the motherfucking Hope Diamond of nuts.

CAROL enters from the kitchen carrying a pretty tablecloth.

CAROL. Clay, who is the actor, the one, you know, the one who does the narration for the nature shows?

CLAY. Uhhh . . . I don’t know.

CAROL. The one with the baritone voice?

CLAY. I don’t know.

CAROL. Because there was a nature show on the other night and it was all about squirrels.

CLAY. It’s not a squirrel, all right? It’s not.

CASH. Rodent of some kind.

CLAY. But even if. Still. That’s a vector of disease. There’s the droppings. There’s fleas.

CASH. Avocado’s a vegetable.

CLAY. There’s lice. And I’d rather not have that around my children, okay?

CAROL (exiting to the kitchen). Anyway, that man, the one I meant, with the baritone voice? Well, he narrated that show.

Again, KAYLA runs through the room with KALINA chasing her. KAYLA is screaming with laughter.

KALINA (to KAYLA). I am going to get you! You not fast enough! Ha! I will capture and torture you!

They almost crash into KELLY, who enters carrying place settings as they tear through the room.

CLAY (calling after them). Not too loud, sweetie. Your brother’s still sleeping, okay?

KELLY (to CLAY, not CASH, whom she ignores). I just wish you had called the other place. That’s all I said.

CLAY. You asked me to call and I called. You didn’t say –

KELLY. Of course they’re cheaper if they use neurotoxins.

CLAY. You didn’t specify. You just said call. You said handle it –

KELLY (overlapping). Might as well spray Agent Orange on our children.

CLAY (continuous). – which I did, so don’t act like I’m incompetent.

KELLY (searching in a closet). Your mother needs that big salad bowl. And I did say specifically no glue traps.

CLAY. I took them out. I took them out.

KELLY (from inside). I just don’t think that allowing your daughter watch an animal writhe to a slow sadistic death in a puddle of glue is the best way to solve the problem.

CLAY. You know, if I happen to handle things my own way –

KELLY, while digging through the closet, has pulled out a set of golf clubs.

KELLY. Clay, you hired her. Can you explain to that woman the notion of a kitchen?

CLAY. Maybe she doesn’t understand what you’re saying.

KELLY. Well, then tomorrow we can hire a translator for the cleaning person. (Calling.) Carol? I found it.

KELLY exits.

CASH. Hey, Clay.

CLAY (calling after her). But see, do I come to your office and criticise the way you do things?

CASH. Got yourself some golf clubs, I see.

CLAY (still calling). If I’m the person here every second except three hours a week? Is that unreasonable?

KELLY re-enters holding the chewed-on avocado.

KELLY (lowered voice). You do see this, right? You see teeth marks, all right? This isn’t academic. It’s about your children. So, at the moment? Whether or not you’re reasonable? That actually isn’t the topic right now.

MR HADID interrupts from across the room. Music stops. Lights change.

MR HADID. May I ask a question?

CLAY. Oh. Sorry.

KELLY. Of course.

CLAY. Absolutely.

KELLY. Yes, please . . . Anything that’s not clear.

MR HADID. I have seen these shoes.

CLAY. These what?

MR HADID. The shoes you are wearing.

CLAY. I . . . you mean me?

MR HADID. Yes.

KELLY. Sorry. We’re confused.

MR HADID. The shoes on your feet.

CLAY (laughs). Yeah?

MR HADID. Do you know how much you pay for them?

KELLY. His shoes.

MR HADID. I very much admire this style of shoe.

KELLY. Ohhh.

CLAY (relieved). Oh. Uhh . . . uhh . . . Wow. God, let me think. (To KELLY.) Do you . . . ?

KELLY. They’re from that place.

MR HADID. They were expensive?

CLAY. Oh . . . uhh . . . well, except we usually wait for everything to go on sale.

KELLY. I’m one of those people with like a bargain obsession.

CLAY. So probably less than you think.

MR HADID. But do you know how much? In dollars?

CLAY. Uhhhh . . . gosh. (To KELLY.) Do you . . . ?

KELLY. Uhh . . . no, I don’t . . . I . . . hmm. No.

CLAY. Really can’t . . . uh, they’re definitely comfortable.

MR HADID (politely). I am sorry.

CLAY. No, no.

KELLY. We could possibly find out.

MR HADID. At a more convenient time.

KELLY. We don’t really keep those kind of receipts.

MR HADID. No, no. Please go on.

Back to the previous moment: lights, music, etc.

KELLY (brandishing the avocado). So, at the moment? Whether or not you’re reasonable? That actually isn’t the topic right now.

CASH. Hey, Clay.

KELLY exits to kitchen.

Lemme take a look at your kid.

CLAY (to CASH). Shhh . . . could you? A little? Do you mind?

CASH (re. KELLY). She’s not paying attention.

CLAY. I know. Just. Try to.

CLAY turns down the music.

CASH. What’s the big deal?

CLAY. It’s not a big deal.

CASH. Not a big deal to me.

CLAY. Me either.

CASH. Happy to.

CLAY. Thanks.

CASH. Just tell me when.

CLAY. Not yet, but –

CASH. Awaiting your signal.

CLAY. Maybe when they come upstairs.

CASH. Standing by, chief.

Pause.

CLAY. I mean, I just don’t want it to seem like a big deal.