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Table of contents
CHAPTER I. A DELICATE MISSION.
CHAPTER II. PREPARING FOR THE ORDEAL.
CHAPTER III. IN THE TEMPORARY HOME.
CHAPTER IV. JUDGE DUFFY AND THE POLICE.
CHAPTER V. PRONOUNCED INSANE.
CHAPTER VI. IN BELLEVUE HOSPITAL.
CHAPTER VII. THE GOAL IN SIGHT.
CHAPTER VIII. INSIDE THE MADHOUSE.
CHAPTER IX. AN EXPERT(?) AT WORK.
CHAPTER X. MY FIRST SUPPER.
CHAPTER XI. IN THE BATH.
CHAPTER XII. PROMENADING WITH LUNATICS.
CHAPTER XIII. CHOKING AND BEATING PATIENTS.
CHAPTER XIV. SOME UNFORTUNATE STORIES.
CHAPTER XV. INCIDENTS OF ASYLUM LIFE.
CHAPTER XVI. THE LAST GOOD-BYE.
CHAPTER XVII. THE GRAND JURY INVESTIGATION.
Colophon
CHAPTER I. A DELICATE MISSION.
ON the 22d of September I was asked by the
World if I could have myself committed to one of the asylums for
the insane in New York, with a view to writing a plain and
unvarnished narrative of the treatment of the patients therein and
the methods of management, etc. Did I think I had the courage to go
through such an ordeal as the mission would demand? Could I assume
the characteristics of insanity to such a degree that I could pass
the doctors, live for a week among the insane without the
authorities there finding out that I was only a "chiel amang 'em
takin' notes?" I said I believed I could. I had some faith in my
own ability as an actress and thought I could assume insanity long
enough to accomplish any mission intrusted to me. Could I pass a
week in the insane ward at Blackwell's Island? I said I could and I
would. And I did.
My instructions were simply to go on with my work as soon as
I felt that I was ready. I was to chronicle faithfully the
experiences I underwent, and when once within the walls of the
asylum to find out and describe its inside workings, which are
always, so effectually hidden by white-capped nurses, as well as by
bolts and bars, from the knowledge of the public. "We do not ask
you to go there for the purpose of making sensational revelations.
Write up things as you find them, good or bad; give praise or blame
as you think best, and the truth all the time. But I am afraid of
that chronic smile of yours," said the editor. "I will smile no
more," I said, and I went away to execute my delicate and, as I
found out, difficult mission.
If I did get into the asylum, which I hardly hoped to do, I
had no idea that my experiences would contain aught else than a
simple tale of life in an asylum. That such an institution could be
mismanaged, and that cruelties could exist 'neath its roof, I did
not deem possible. I always had a desire to know asylum life more
thoroughly–a desire to be convinced that the most helpless of God's
creatures, the insane, were cared for kindly and properly. The many
stories I had read of abuses in such institutions I had regarded as
wildly exaggerated or else romances, yet there was a latent desire
to know positively.
I shuddered to think how completely the insane were in the
power of their keepers, and how one could weep and plead for
release, and all of no avail, if the keepers were so minded.
Eagerly I accepted the mission to learn the inside workings of the
Blackwell Island Insane Asylum.
"How will you get me out," I asked my editor, "after I once
get in?"
"I do not know," he replied, "but we will get you out if we
have to tell who you are, and for what purpose you feigned
insanity–only get in."
I had little belief in my ability to deceive the insanity
experts, and I think my editor had less.
All the preliminary preparations for my ordeal were left to
be planned by myself. Only one thing was decided upon, namely, that
I should pass under the pseudonym of Nellie Brown, the initials of
which would agree with my own name and my linen, so that there
would be no difficulty in keeping track of my movements and
assisting me out of any difficulties or dangers I might get into.
There were ways of getting into the insane ward, but I did not know
them. I might adopt one of two courses. Either I could feign
insanity at the house of friends, and get myself committed on the
decision of two competent physicians, or I could go to my goal by
way of the police courts.
Nellie practices insanity at home.
On reflection I thought it wiser not to inflict myself upon
my friends or to get any good-natured doctors to assist me in my
purpose. Besides, to get to Blackwell's Island my friends would
have had to feign poverty, and, unfortunately for the end I had in
view, my acquaintance with the struggling poor, except my own self,
was only very superficial. So I determined upon the plan which led
me to the successful accomplishment of my mission. I succeeded in
getting committed to the insane ward at Blackwell's Island, where I
spent ten days and nights and had an experience which I shall never
forget. I took upon myself to enact the part of a poor, unfortunate
crazy girl, and felt it my duty not to shirk any of the
disagreeable results that should follow. I became one of the city's
insane wards for that length of time, experienced much, and saw and
heard more of the treatment accorded to this helpless class of our
population, and when I had seen and heard enough, my release was
promptly secured. I left the insane ward with pleasure and
regret–pleasure that I was once more able to enjoy the free breath
of heaven; regret that I could not have brought with me some of the
unfortunate women who lived and suffered with me, and who, I am
convinced, are just as sane as I was and am now myself.
But here let me say one thing: From the moment I entered the
insane ward on the Island, I made no attempt to keep up the assumed
role of insanity. I talked and acted just as I do in ordinary life.
Yet strange to say, the more sanely I talked and acted the crazier
I was thought to be by all except one physician, whose kindness and
gentle ways I shall not soon forget.
CHAPTER II. PREPARING FOR THE ORDEAL.
BUT to return to my work and my mission. After
receiving my instructions I returned to my boarding-house, and when
evening came I began to practice the role in which I was to make my
debut on the morrow. What a difficult task, I thought, to appear
before a crowd of people and convince them that I was insane. I had
never been near insane persons before in my life, and had not the
faintest idea of what their actions were like. And then to be
examined by a number of learned physicians who make insanity a
specialty, and who daily come in contact with insane people! How
could I hope to pass these doctors and convince them that I was
crazy? I feared that they could not be deceived. I began to think
my task a hopeless one; but it had to be done. So I flew to the
mirror and examined my face. I remembered all I had read of the
doings of crazy people, how first of all they have staring eyes,
and so I opened mine as wide as possible and stared unblinkingly at
my own reflection. I assure you the sight was not reassuring, even
to myself, especially in the dead of night. I tried to turn the gas
up higher in hopes that it would raise my courage. I succeeded only
partially, but I consoled myself with the thought that in a few
nights more I would not be there, but locked up in a cell with a
lot of lunatics.
The weather was not cold; but, nevertheless, when I thought
of what was to come, wintery chills ran races up and down my back
in very mockery of the perspiration which was slowly but surely
taking the curl out of my bangs. Between times, practicing before
the mirror and picturing my future as a lunatic, I read snatches of
improbable and impossible ghost stories, so that when the dawn came
to chase away the night, I felt that I was in a fit mood for my
mission, yet hungry enough to feel keenly that I wanted my
breakfast. Slowly and sadly I took my morning bath and quietly bade
farewell to a few of the most precious articles known to modern
civilization. Tenderly I put my tooth-brush aside, and, when taking
a final rub of the soap, I murmured, "It may be for days, and it
may be–for longer." Then I donned the old clothing I had selected
for the occasion. I was in the mood to look at everything through
very serious glasses. It's just as well to take a last "fond look,"
I mused, for who could tell but that the strain of playing crazy,
and being shut up with a crowd of mad people, might turn my own
brain, and I would never get back. But not once did I think of
shirking my mission. Calmly, outwardly at least, I went out to my
crazy business.
I first thought it best to go to a boarding-house, and, after
securing lodging, confidentially tell the landlady, or lord,
whichever it might chance to be, that I was seeking work, and, in a
few days after, apparently go insane. When I reconsidered the idea,
I feared it would take too long to mature. Suddenly I thought how
much easier it would be to go to a boarding-home for working women.
I knew, if once I made a houseful of women believe me crazy, that
they would never rest until I was out of their reach and in secure
quarters.
From a directory I selected the Temporary Home for Females,
No. 84 Second Avenue. As I walked down the avenue, I determined
that, once inside the Home, I should do the best I could to get
started on my journey to Blackwell's Island and the Insane Asylum.
CHAPTER III. IN THE TEMPORARY HOME.
I WAS left to begin my career as Nellie Brown,
the insane girl. As I walked down the avenue I tried to assume the
look which maidens wear in pictures entitled "Dreaming." "Far-away"
expressions have a crazy air. I passed through the little paved
yard to the entrance of the Home. I pulled the bell, which sounded
loud enough for a church chime, and nervously awaited the opening
of the door to the Home, which I intended should ere long cast me
forth and out upon the charity of the police. The door was thrown
back with a vengeance, and a short, yellow-haired girl of some
thirteen summers stood before me.
"Is the matron in?" I asked, faintly.
"Yes, she's in; she's busy. Go to the back parlor," answered
the girl, in a loud voice, without one change in her peculiarly
matured face.
At the temporary home for women.
I followed these not overkind or polite instructions and
found myself in a dark, uncomfortable back-parlor. There I awaited
the arrival of my hostess. I had been seated some twenty minutes at
the least, when a slender woman, clad in a plain, dark dress
entered and, stopping before me, ejaculated inquiringly, "Well?"
"Are you the matron?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "the matron is sick; I am her assistant.
What do you want?"
"I want to stay here for a few days, if you can accommodate
me."
"Well, I have no single rooms, we are so crowded; but if you
will occupy a room with another girl, I shall do that much for
you."
"I shall be glad of that," I answered. "How much do you
charge?" I had brought only about seventy cents along with me,
knowing full well that the sooner my funds were exhausted the
sooner I should be put out, and to be put out was what I was
working for.
"We charge thirty cents a night," was her reply to my
question, and with that I paid her for one night's lodging, and she
left me on the plea of having something else to look after. Left to
amuse myself as best I could, I took a survey of my surroundings.
They were not cheerful, to say the least. A wardrobe, desk,
book-case, organ, and several chairs completed the furnishment of
the room, into which the daylight barely came.
By the time I had become familiar with my quarters a bell,
which rivaled the door-bell in its loudness, began clanging in the
basement, and simultaneously women went trooping down-stairs from
all parts of the house. I imagined, from the obvious signs, that
dinner was served, but as no one had said anything to me I made no
effort to follow in the hungry train. Yet I did wish that some one
would invite me down. It always produces such a lonely, homesick
feeling to know others are eating, and we haven't a chance, even if
we are not hungry. I was glad when the assistant matron came up and
asked me if I did not want something to eat. I replied that I did,
and then I asked her what her name was. Mrs. Stanard, she said, and
I immediately wrote it down in a notebook I had taken with me for
the purpose of making memoranda, and in which I had written several
pages of utter nonsense for inquisitive scientists.
Thus equipped I awaited developments. But my dinner–well, I
followed Mrs. Stanard down the uncarpeted stairs into the basement;
where a large number of women were eating. She found room for me at
a table with three other women. The short-haired slavey who had
opened the door now put in an appearance as waiter. Placing her
arms akimbo and staring me out of countenance she said:
"Boiled mutton, boiled beef, beans, potatoes, coffee or tea?"
"Beef, potatoes, coffee and bread," I responded.
"Bread goes in," she explained, as she made her way to the
kitchen, which was in the rear. It was not very long before she
returned with what I had ordered on a large, badly battered tray,
which she banged down before me. I began my simple meal. It was not
very enticing, so while making a feint of eating I watched the
others.
I have often moralized on the repulsive form charity always
assumes! Here was a home for deserving women and yet what a mockery
the name was. The floor was bare, and the little wooden tables were
sublimely ignorant of such modern beautifiers as varnish, polish
and table-covers. It is useless to talk about the cheapness of
linen and its effect on civilization. Yet these honest workers, the
most deserving of women, are asked to call this spot of
bareness–home.
When the meal was finished each woman went to the desk in the
corner, where Mrs. Stanard sat, and paid her bill. I was given a
much-used, and abused, red check, by the original piece of humanity
in shape of my waitress. My bill was about thirty cents.
After dinner I went up-stairs and resumed my former place in
the back parlor. I was quite cold and uncomfortable, and had fully
made up my mind that I could not endure that sort of business long,
so the sooner I assumed my insane points the sooner I would be
released from enforced idleness. Ah! that was indeed the longest
day I had ever lived. I listlessly watched the women in the front
parlor, where all sat except myself.
One did nothing but read and scratch her head and
occasionally call out mildly, "Georgie," without lifting her eyes
from her book. "Georgie" was her over-frisky boy, who had more
noise in him than any child I ever saw before. He did everything
that was rude and unmannerly, I thought, and the mother never said
a word unless she heard some one else yell at him. Another woman
always kept going to sleep and waking herself up with her own
snoring. I really felt wickedly thankful it was only herself she
awakened. The majority of the women sat there doing nothing, but
there were a few who made lace and knitted unceasingly. The
enormous door-bell seemed to be going all the time, and so did the
short-haired girl. The latter was, besides, one of those girls who
sing all the time snatches of all the songs and hymns that have
been composed for the last fifty years. There is such a thing as
martyrdom in these days. The ringing of the bell brought more
people who wanted shelter for the night. Excepting one woman, who
was from the country on a day's shopping expedition, they were
working women, some of them with children.
As it drew toward evening Mrs. Stanard came to me and said:
"What is wrong with you? Have you some sorrow or trouble?"
"No," I said, almost stunned at the suggestion. "Why?"
"Oh, because," she said, womanlike, "I can see it in your
face. It tells the story of a great trouble."
"Yes, everything is so sad," I said, in a haphazard way,
which I had intended to reflect my craziness.
"But you must not allow that to worry you. We all have our
troubles, but we get over them in good time. What kind of work are
you trying to get?"
"I do not know; it's all so sad," I replied.