Alice - through Fire and Water E-Book

Anselm Keussen

• Herausgeber: Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2018

Seitenzahl: 339

Beschreibung

A Book on Personal Development and on the Magic Realms of Human Intimacy "Loving Intimacy, what is that?," Alice often thought, when she left the therapy-room. Her therapies had helped her to understand the origins of her problems in that area - but the actual difficulties in her love-life remained, so she wasn't able to form a lasting realtionship with a man. Until - - - Alice's quest for healing turns out to be a minor Odyssey with several set-backs - but she is single-minded and determined enough to stay on her chosen track. Step by step, she first finds competent professionals and later, some real friends, who all help and accompany her during her adventures in the worlds on the other side of the 'Looking Glass'. This 'Looking Glass' grants Alice access to the outer and inner Land of Self-Healing and is the state-of-the-art, evidence-based Psycho-Therapeutic Medicine = ebPTM that applies Psycho-Active-Substances = PAS, to promote healing for old and complicated trauma as well. Eventually, Alice and her friends - three couples altogether - wind up participating in 'Project Infinity', an MDMA- or 'Empathy'-supported research-study for couples, who are looking for healing or improvement for their often difficult and ailing relationships. And finally, some real progress seems closer at hand than Alice would ever have dreamt possible - - - If you're also interested in true fulfilment in your marriage or with your partner - witness the long and winding road that Alice and her friends are taking. 'Project-Infinity', the MDMA-supported couples therapy-study, really happened in the beginning of the 1980ies already - a time, when MDMA still was legal. The results, however, as good as they were, couldn't be published for decades, because of the anachronistic political taboo on Psycho-Active Substances = PAS. Yet today, in 2018 and beyond, during the Global Psychedelic Renaissance, when MDMA is going to be applied in several countries in a big Phase-III study for PTSD = Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder treatment, this book is in tune with the spirit of our time and could just be the right reader for you!

Leseprobe

A Book on Personal Development and on the Magic Realms of Human Intimacy

"Loving Intimacy, what is that?," Alice often asked herself, when she left the therapy-room.

Her therapies had helped her in understanding the origins and patterns of her problems in that area - but the actual difficulties in her love-life remained, so she wasn't able to establish a lasting relation with a man. Until. . .

Alice's quest for healing turns out to be a minor Odyssey with several set-backs - but she is single-minded and determined enough to stay on her chosen track. Step by step, she first finds competent professionals and later some real friends, who all help and accompany her during her adventures in the worlds on the other side of the 'Looking Glass'.

Eventually, Alice and her friends - three couples altogether - wind up participating in 'Project Infinity', an MDMA- or 'Empathy'-supported research-study for couples, who are looking for healing or improvement for their often difficult and ailing relationships.

And finally, some real progress seems closer at hand than Alice would ever have dreamt possible. . .

If you're also interested in true fulfilment in your marriage or with your partner - witness the long and winding road that Alice and her friends are taking.

And if you'd like to help, you can support the reintegration of PAS as standard prescription medications in medicine and psychotherapy, by sending the information in the Open Letter at the end of the book to interested decision-makers.

And now: Enjoy reading all about the challenges Alice and her friends have to face, so they can heal them-selves of old and anachronistic entanglements, taboo and trauma - in order to find the true Fountain of Youth at their own core and in their real Loving Intimacy as a free couple!

For Prema Sai Baba

Dedicated to

Orion

and to all the

Outer and Inner Children

of this World

Table of Contents

(Automatic for E-Books)

Preface

Alice -through Fire and Water

Preliminary comments and warning

Alice -through Fire and Water

The beginning: Alice as a patient

Alice wakes up

Alice learns a thing or two

Alice gets help with an important decision

Alice visits Pangaia

Alice finds friends

Alice and George

Alice and the three couples

Alice hears about an amazing healing approach

Alice and the three couples make a new plan

Alice gets some advice from Magdalena

Alice travels home

Alice and her friends go beyond

Alice goes boating with the three couples

Alice explores a complex labyrinth of numbers

Alice sets sail for life

A last warning

Epilogue

Origins of Alice and Acknowledgements

You can help Alice

Letter to Decision Makers

Some Heads of State and Media People

About the Authors

Selected Bibliography

Poems

Premonition

neither?

Advaita or Non-Duality

Preface

Dear Readers,

to begin with, we want to thank you for your interest in Personal Development and in Loving Intimacy.

"What a Wonderful World", the 'evergreen' song by Louis Armstrong, even holds true today.

Humanity is - still? - living on a very beautiful Planet - and the True Human Potential has just begun to unfold.

But at the same time, we had to witness a 'Climate Change' for the worse not only in the weather-conditions, but also in politics, in the media and, of course, in numerous economic and military conflicts since the turn of the millenium.

And the beginning of the Psycho-Active and Tantric Age of the humans species could well prove to play an essential role in transforming the divisive and violent Ego in us that causes most of those superfluous difficulties and dramas.

Like Alice and her friends in this book, we need to find new and efficient approaches to heal personal trauma and to unfold our true Loving and Tantric Intimacy. Because only if we realize Truth, Love and Peace between woman and man, we will find the same Humane Behaviour and the same Human Values in the Family, in the Nation - and eventually in the World as well!

In this context, we'd like to say a special and cordial 'Thank You!' to Rick Doblin, the founder and director of MAPS, and to Ben Sessa, co-founder of the UK Breaking Convention events 2011/ 13/ 15/ 17 and further on.

As the Phase-I- and Phase-ll-studies with the same approach produced very encouraging results already, the above mentioned Phase-lll-study might end up in - finally! - making MDMA a Prescription Medicine - if only for very difficult PTSD-cases.

And if you want to help with this development, you can recommend this book to your friends and/ or send the 'Letter to Decision-Makers' from the end of the book to politicans and other influential people.

And now: Enjoy reading all about the challenges Alice and her friends have to face, so they can heal themselves of old and anachronistic entanglements, taboo and trauma - in order to find a sparkling Fountain of Youth at their very own core and in their real and Loving Intimacy as a free couple!

With our best wishes for you and your family and with

love, light and joy of living

Gabriele Breucha & Anselm Keussen

Premonition

The summer hums.

The afternoon makes lazy -

she played the piano's

fresh vitality.

Confused, she breathed

her new dress hazy -

while yearnig for

a sound reality.

Original German poem by Rainer Maria Rilke (1875-1926)

(A/N: Translated by the authors. The titel 'Premonition' was added.)

Alice - through Fire and Water or: Where is Wonderland?

In deep and heartfelt gratitude towards 'Lewis Carroll'*, the shy mathematic genius and author of the timeless children's books 'Alice in Wonderland' and 'Through the Looking Glass'.

*The civil name of 'Lewis Carrol' was Charles Lutwidge Dodgson (1832-1898).

Preliminary comments and warning

The following novel is based on many case-reports, subsuming the experiences of numerous patients in the personalities of just a few.

In reality, the cases portrayed took place during the last century, at the end of the 1970ies/ beginning of the 1980ies, when the use of MDMA and some related substances still was legal.

During this therapeutic application of 'Empathy' - as MDMA is rightly called - the authors observed such strongly encouraging and effective results in single clients, groups and couples that they decided to present the data that had been gathered at the beginning of the 1980ies to a wider audience now - including a larger, MDMA-supported couples-therapy-study called 'Project Infinity'.

One might ask: Why only now, in 2018, after about 35 years - if this subject could have been discussed according to science and free of emotional bias. But that wasn't the case for a long time, and so we found it more realistic to wait.

But now, in 2018/ 19, at a time, which sees the Psychedelic Renaissance* in full swing even at some universities - and while MAPS (see preface!) is preparing a 'Phase-three-study' on MDMA-supported PTSD-treatment - we hope that society will treat these informations professionally and with good common sense.

Instead, this book aims at removing irrational barriers that obstruct PAS-research so far, and at ending a completely failed prohibition policy, in order to finally enable the urgently necessary access to all medically indicated PAS, particularly to MDMA or 'Empathy', in medicine and psychotherapy. This is the purpose of the following case-reports in the form of a novel.

*Profound thanks to Ben Sessa- his book:

'The Psychedelic Renaissance' is a 'must read'!

Please note that the term: unconscient is used in this text (instead of the words: un- or subconscious), to describe processes in our personality, which are happening in parallel or 'below' our waking consciousness.

Our unconscient houses major parts of our mind or psyche, which usually are accessible only in dreams, during hypnosis - or whenever our more outward oriented 'knowing mind' shifts in the direction of our wider and inner awareness.

Alice - through Fire and Water

The ego is always a voice of denial.

Because it tends to maximize its own needs and - way too often - denies the needs of others.

The floods of refugees, Syrian and other, the bankrupting of Greece, the extreme poverty in slums, in famine and in war regions of this world are direct results of such a self-centered attitude in many decision-making people.

And our ego is so 'possessive' and invasive mainly, because our inner children are so often violated and gagged - which hurts all the time!

But when we open our inner - or third - ear, we hear the loud and desperate cries of those imprisoned and unloved (inner children) quite clearly.

The beginning: Alice as a patient

For instance, this young woman, who appears in our practice. She had to survive in a family of origin that was dominated by conflicts and violence. She tries to accent the professional and attractive side of her personality. She has completed university and embarked on a career in her chosen field, let's say industrial design, succeeding beyond all expectations at her job in the metal-finishing industry.

"I've made it!," she repeats several times.

There is a circle of good female friends also, one of them her 'best' friend, but - naming her problems now -

she states: "I'm unable to establish a long-term relationship with a man. I meet them, we are together for a while - and sometimes it's very beautiful - but after a while they're all gone again! For instance Frieder, the last one: I still gave him the list for the day, we said goodbye as usual, but in the evening he had left with all his things!"

After further inquiry, a pattern emerges, which had recurred in her relationships so far: In the beginning, the couple frequently had a 'good sexuality', as the patient first reported. Only later she was able to speak about her problems in reaching an orgasm. After a while her partnerships had always cooled down, as she called it. "And as I'm scared of not getting out of this cold again, I made this appointment with you!"

What is indicated in such a case? Psychotherapy, certainly - especially since the patient also reports obsessions and a depressed mood. But what form of therapy?

Since this patient - in her mid-thirties - had completed a psychoanalysis (PA) - two to three hours per week; 250-300 hours in total - and two behavioural therapies (BT) - one hour per week; each 60-80 hours in total - without any tangible results concerning her primary problem, her prognosis seemed rather questionable.

Only by and by the patient 'conceded' that she had also benefitted from her analysis - by an older female psychologist - and from her behavioural therapies. She now understood her biography and her unconscient motives better, she reported. And her behavioural therapists - a female physician and a male psychologist - had strengthened her self-confidence, while they made it clear to her at the same time, how she was weaving a 'cocoon' around herself and her partners with her obsessions - a multitude of checklists and control rituals.

After developing a game called 'cross spider or daddy longlegs?' with her therapist - in which she created fictional checklists for herself and others - some of her obsessions and fears subsided considerably.

When her therapist was away at conferences or on vacation, however, she suffered strong relapses. And during the last sessions of her therapy, it became apparent, that she and her therapist had begun to fall in love with each other - and therefore they had discontinued therapy and ceased any other contact on 'rational grounds'. Both her therapist and herself had been single at the time, but they "just didn't feel good about the matter."

Therapist: "Even after ending that therapy?"

"Yes," she replies, my other behavioural therapist asked me exactly the same question." But she still had't resolved her problems with her femininity, and she also "didn't want to ruin yet another relationship!"

Her behavioural therapist was understanding and confronting at the same time - she had the patient report about her relations and asked her about 'survival rules' from her childhood - from her family, at school and so on. - She discovered, for instance: "Only when I sacrifice my liveliness, I'm allowed to belong". And her therapist recommended Nancy Friday's book 'My Secret Garden', as well as attending a self-help group for women, focusing on issues such as relationships and sexuality. - The physician-therapist and her patient even agreed on a visit to an 'erotic shop'. The therapist waited outside while the patient - bravely! - purchased a vibrator. Like that, she had learnt to masturbate successfully, alas never in the presence of a man.

Also in this patient, the loud wailing of her inner girl and her inner boy was clearly audible. She had not been able to develop a stable Anima or a resilient and feeling Woman within herself. Instead, she rather had lived her successful professional Animus or 'Competent Man' - yet, that wasn't enough for her any longer.

"If I could only let go with a man, also!," is now her main and legitimate concern, especially as she is beginning to show psychosomatic symptoms, such as sleeplessness, loss of appetite and a lack of motivation at her job.

Which seems very threatening to her. So, what to do in such a situation? It should still be added, that her second behavioural therapy, with the female physician, was ended after completing the allocated 40-hour contingent.

The physician told her during the last few sessions, that it was up to her now to find a loving and caring partner. Both agreed, that this wasn't easy by any means, considering her high degree of ambivalence towards intimacy and Eros.

But her physician had also reminded her of all the countless couples, who do well on this intimate level - and yes, she herself also still loved her husband in ever new and unexpected ways - even after so many years.

The patient reports, that it were remarks like these, which she experienced as authentic and encouraging from that therapist. And with her, she even had been able to discuss the difficulties she had encountered with her previous partners.

As far as the sexual area was concerned, the patient had to discover: "That eight or nine out of ten were totally ignorant in erotics. Three to five minutes, and I never got a chance to 'warm up'! What should I do?!"

The physician replied: "And what about the ninth or tenth man?"

Patient: "Yes, there were some of them, but often they were quite dominant and demanding - plus, above all, unreliable - other women and so on.

Except Felix, the perennial student and future heir. He was very amicable and told me a couple of things about philosophy - and that he had found that many philosophers were afraid of women, for instance Socrates, Plato and Nietsche. Felix, however, loved philosophy, Cannabis and women, but foremost - himself."

Which she only realized at the end.

Initially, he had been the most loving erotic partner she had met so far.

Patient: "Once we shared a few hits from his pipe - and then we made love! That was very beautiful - and I had my first and, sadly enough, last orgasm with a man up to now - and that's something anyway!"

But later the patient found out that Felix had 'several irons in the fire', as she called it. Since he didn't want to stop that, she had left him.

When she heard, however, that he was in a clinic for Heroin withdrawal, she visited him.

Patient: "Yet I felt that I couldn't make contact with him anymore, although he was halfway through the program already."

Later on she heard that he had discharged himself from the clinic - which he had entered on his own accord - too early and against doctors' advice. After that, she hadn't met him any more.

The behavioural therapist and physician counseled the patient to clarify her motives towards Felix, her ex-boyfriend, diligently: "What did you tell me about your parent's alcoholism?"

Finally, she performed a farewell ritual with her patient, who then burnt a letter to her ex-partner in an open fire. A while after that, this therapy ended; and before long the patient had another boyfriend - but still the same problem as before.

But there had been an exception, or not? Yes, that's true. The patient had experienced an exception in her deficient behaviour. With Felix, meaning 'the happy one'. With whom she could not find happiness, however.

The patient still had asked her physician, what she thought of Cannabis and Hashish - and if they led on to harder substances. The doctor (the scene happened in her practice at the beginning of the 1980ies) closed the window, smiled at the patient and said: "Officially, I have never said what I'm going to tell you now. Please keep it strictly confidential!

In my opinion, we are in a phase of collective medical amnesia, as far as psychedelic and psychoactive substances are concerned.

I was in my late 30ies already in 1968, but I still had close contact to student circles. To cut a long story short, about a good decade ago, me and my then boyfriend - now my husband - tried out a couple of things. For instance Grass and Hash - and two or three times LSD and very rarely also some Cocaine in capsules - and only in capsules, with at least three month distance between experiences!

Even a Magic Mushroom, in other words Psilocybin, was on the menu now and then. All these experiences were very beautiful and brought a permanent change to our personalities. Only this way my husband and I got to know each other on a completely different level. The equanimity in our relationship, our meditation practice and our tantric love-live wouldn't be there without 1968, the Beatles, Woodstock and the Summer of Love."

She continued: "But times have changed. All these substances are now ostracized as 'evil drugs' because of Nixon's absurd 'War on Drugs', as you know. We then switched to Holotropic Breathing, as developed by Stanislav Grof, and to other forms of bodywork. And as I've mentioned before - you've never heard any of this - at least not from me!

Well now, let's move on to your question more directly. Your dear friend Felix would have been better off sticking to his Hash-pipe!

And Grass- or Cannabis-cookies are even healthier - but also with these, the right dosage is essential!

Whoever doses too high, just gets stoned, developes The Munchies, often devours the contents of the fridge without thinking - and falls into bed.

On the other hand, if people dose sensibly - small is beautiful! - they become more sociable, creative, erotic, meditative and relaxed - - - as well as more positive towards life in general. Particularly the erotic potential of Cannabis and its products, such as various forms of Hash, ointments and oils, is already 'chirped down by the sparrows' from many roofs on this globe!

But one must be very cautions even here! Whoever is personally unstable or isn't solidly anchored in society, like some young high-school or college dropouts, maybe also confronted by 'accidentally' born children, can become addicted to Cannabis, too - attempting to escape the hard realities of their life! This obviously doesn't work, yet aggravates their crisis further.

Then she went on: "And now your sweet friend Felix has dropped out of his withdrawal and rehabilitation program? Well, you've already conducted the farewell ritual and know that he can't be your partner in life. Should you see him again, tell him that Heroin, used regularly, ruins people just as regularly - and that he should find other goals and solutions in his life, rather than blowing his fortune on a Heroin addiction!"

Then the physician and behavioural therapist still informed the patient about an 'Ibogaine Clinic' for Felix - just in case. Furthermore she told her: "We could apply for a few more therapy sessions, you know, but I feel we've already been able to clarify many aspects. And I've sometimes found that there are people, who prefer to fall in love - without being observed. Then a therapist would just be in the way. And finally - if or when you've found someone for a hopefully long-term relationship, you might perhaps be glad to be able to apply for some more sessions - if this should be necessary."

A while after concluding the above described therapy, this patient made an appointment in our practice, just during the time from approximately 1980 to June 1986 (in Germany - in Switzerland up to 1994) when MDMA still was 'legal' - and was tested in therapeutic settings around the world with excellent results!

It was the time of 'Project Infinity', and a member of this network of therapists and physicians, who informally conducted 'Project Infinity', worked with this patient, whom we shall call Alice now, using clinical hypnosis according to Milton Erickson, as well as systemic family-therapy, family-sculptures and breath-therapy, in individual sessions and in group settings. As a result, Alice developed a refreshing new liveliness, and she even started to enjoy her work again. Moreover, her fixation on 'finding her dream partner right here and now' loosened step by step. - Instead, she started to develop an interest in meditation and shamanism, learnt to explore the quiet of the 'Samadhi Tank' within herself, and finally found the source of silence at her inner core.

Then again she was sitting, drumming and singing around a campfire, as if she belonged to a Native American tribe - who can teach us a lot, if we're open for it!

She also took part in some sweat-lodge rituals, guided and inspired by wise shamans. - And in the course of some Bioenergetics sessions, she even symbolically killed the abusive and violent men of her childhood and youth, who had been her father, her brother and her mother's lover. When her deepest rage finally had come out, she now felt an endless grief about this abuse by her beloved father - when she, as a child, only wanted to be close to him and to play.

Sam, her therapist, offered her as a next step to explore her sadness further by 'embracing her father' - using a big cushion as a symbol. Initially, however, Alice remained 'stuck' in her fury and her grief. (Even 'getting stuck' can have a healing effect in therapy, if we know how to utilise it!)

In this case - and some group-sessions later - Alice found the courage to face her father on quite a different level, this time by a ritual of acceptance, based on a method pioneered by Bert Hellinger, a well known and reputable German family therapist.

During this ritual, she told 'her father': "I'm giving you the honour." But - she didn't say these words 'just like that'. Only after she had done the above mentioned 'shadow-work' and had gained enough emotional independence this way, she finally mustered the courage to engage in this ritual of acceptance with her 'father' in this secure group setting, where her father was 'embodied' by another group member for a while.

The movement in this process starts with that aforementioned exercise, as developed by Bert Hellinger, in which the patient lies down flat on the ground on her belly and in front of her 'father', while her head rests on her forehead, her palms turned up towards the father, and her arms are stretched out at ease in front of her, beside her head. If a patient has any difficulties with this position, we begin by asking:

"What do you feel?" Patients then frequently experience feelings of rage and hatred - followed by grief and tears, which so often have a healing effect.

Mostly, these emotions are due to the 'submission' enforced by violent 'family-fathers', who - so far! - act abusively towards way too many children in their families of origin.

In many cases, those aggressive fathers themselves were not allowed to show any pain, weakness or closeness during their childhood and therefore had to 'bury' their feelings and their empathy very early on in their lives; often even before their third birthday.

And all of that just to become a 'real man', or in other words: a conformist, an obedient killing machine, or production machine and 'ecstatic' consumer machine, conditioned to say 'Yes Sir!' and who, apart from that, often had very little say in his life.

Such fathers frequently unleash their rage and anger, including their sexual anger, on their wives and children. This uncontrolled fury, however, leaves festering wounds and unnecessarily constricting 'behavioural scars' on these 'broken home' family members, including the abusers.

But as they nearly always have repressed their own feelings - they often deny their violence and disavow their abusive behaviour, when questioned by school-teachers or public authorities. And in many cases, sadly enough, they are even supported by the mothers of those abused children, fearing to lose their 'provider'- and fearing this very 'provider' himself.

That's how it had been for Alice also. To add ridicule to injury, she had been mocked and laughed at by her classmates later on for her allegedly cooked-up stories.

Despite that, Alice's actions - starting with tears and innuendos to teachers, then continued by a 'confession' in the principal's office, whom she told about the abuse - had succeeded to some degree - her father abstained from her after that.

And she had even managed to protect her younger sister from their father - who already was 'trying it' again! - thus keeping her from a fate similar to her own.

Alice, however, remained deeply suspicious towards all men - and so she developed her sexual problems, plus deep-seated doubts regarding her ability to give and receive love. When she had heard that the school-principal had not believed her, but her parents - with her mother lying, to cover the father's abuse - 'What would people or the neigbours say?' - she had lost the last ounce of trust in her parents and withdrew completely.

And so, these events weren't allowed to be true, because they just couldn't be true. Unfortunately, situations like in Alice's case still are far too common - both in our 'western civilizations' and worldwide.

The role of women in Islam, for instance, often directly opposes the example of Chadidscha's and Mohammed's relationship. Because at first, Chadidscha had been Mohammed's employer, when he, as a young man, had reliably and successfully directed the trading caravans of this young and rich widow.

Only when Chadidscha will have regained her original place - also within religion! - as the rightful wife and encouraging supporter of the Prophet - for instance, when he himself doubted his mystic encounters with the archangel Gabriel - and when She exemplifies the dignity of women again, there will be any real hope for future Muslim women to achieve such an equal status with their men, who then will treat them just as attentively as Mohammed did with Chadidscha.

Another source of danger is the still practised gender separation of children and adolescents in many countries. The resulting, permanently frustrated young men often 'decompensate criminally' - as is regularly reported in the media - leading to increasing acts of violence and rape towards women, including female tourists. And that can only be solved by fostering a more liberal approach towards the issues of intimacy, sexuality and love in young people worldwide.

But that's the territory of the future, ASH or the Age of Self-Healing. For now, let's still stay with Alice and her acceptance-ritual in this group, where dynamic family-sculptures were employed. After expressing her anger and pain from her early life in this therapy group, she also was able to return this suffering from destructive abuse to her father in a symbol.

Sam advised her to write down everything she had suffered from her father, in order to later hand it back to him as a symbol in a fire ritual. She started writing on a sheet of paper:

"You dear and undear Dad, back then you had power over me - just because you were stronger! But you knew it wasn't right what you did to me, while Mom was looking the other way. Because she was so glad that you just left her alone! And both of you lied to the school principal. How could you do this to me! But now I'm grown up - whatever that may be - and I'm fed up with carrying your old burdens and patterns around with me! Now I have my own magic. And I'm writing down those long-forgotten memories - 'forgotten' because of PAIN!; or as the therapists say 'repressed' memories - and I'm herewith sending all this negativity back to you and to both of you!..."

And then, later on, when it was Alice's turn during the fire ritual, she took the written pages, as well as some wood- and coal-pieces - which stood for particularly dark memories - and consigned all of it to the blazing flames. In tears she whispered,

'Liberté, sororité, egalité!'

(Freedom, sisterhood, equality!)

And later she was celebrated for that by the group during dinner. Through her work in therapy, Alice had confronted and transformed the shadow from her toxic relationship with her father to such an extent, that she even was able to embark on the acceptance-ritual mentioned earlier. As an embodiment of her father's role - "Whom in the group can I ask to embody such a difficult role?" - she had chosen a kind older man from the circle of participants.

She said to him: "I'm so sorry to ask this of you, to embody a 'child abuser'."

Sam looked at the man - let's call him Johannes - and waited.

After a few seconds, while Johannes vividly looked upwards, left and right, he said: "Yes, I'm willing to represent your father for a while. But for the 'child abuser' - you'll have to find someone else."

Alice relaxed visibly and laughed for the first time in this process, and so did most people in the group, including Sam. Turning to Alice he remarked: "It seems you've found the right person - for now - plus he's even got a paradox solution for you. Johannes shall personify all aspects of your father during this movement - not only his abusive trait, which you've already worked on here. As your father he is, just like your mother, the source and cradle of your life in this body.

And you've mentioned that he has always provided for the family as well as he could - although his professional life was difficult, because he had to cope with authoritarian bosses constantly. I also remember - from when you were looking for positive exceptions in your relationship with your father - that there were outings and summer holidays in the countryside with him. Now you have the opportunity to appreciate and honour all this in your father, beyond his dark and difficult aspects - as I have shown you, and if you want to do that."

Alice replied: "Yes, today it is possible."

Then Sam guided Alice and 'her father', as embodied by Johannes, towards the middle of the group circle. And he said to Johannes: "For this process, you will be her father", and turning to Alice: "and you will be his child. The father just remains standing - and the daughter lies down on her belly in front of him, as I've shown you before, with palms turned upwards towards the father. Fine like that?

Then please move into your starting positions - and now concentrate and collect yourselves for a moment, taking up your roles - Alice, it's good to rest your forehead on the ground, that relaxes your neck - yes, just like that - and now I'm asking you to say a simple sentence to your father - as I've explained before - a sentence originating from Bert Hellinger, like most of this exercise. That sentence goes:

'Dear Dad, I'm giving you the honour!'

Alice, please stay in this position and say this sentence to your father, when you are ready." For a while it is working within Alice - until she whispers almost inaudibly: "No, today I won't cry," and takes a deep breath. Then she says firmly: "Dear Dad, I'm giving you the honour!"

Sam waits; then he says: "Exactly. Now once again, with full concentration and attentiveness!" Alice braces herself - and the whole group is with her at heart, when she speaks that sentence again:

"Dear Dad, I'm giving you the honour" - and suddenly her voice sounds different, more direct and deeper.

"Thank you very much," Sam continues. "We can talk about it later - please stay with your compassion, both of you - and get into a squatting position now, facing one another - if you can't squat, you can also use chairs or pillows."

Both of them are sitting on a pillow now, looking at each other. Sam goes on: "What you're feeling at the moment might be unusual - but still, let's take this one step further, with one more sentence from Bert Hellinger. It goes like this:

"And I take my life from you, as a whole - lock, stock and barrel - I take it fully and with an open heart!"

When Alice addresses her father with these words, she gets as far as:

"And I take my life from you, as a whole. . .,"when her tears wash her words away.

Sam waits a while, but signals at the same time: "That's right, have the courage to feel this!" He fetches the indispensable tissue box and asks her between two crying fits: "What are your tears saying?"

Alice sobs and blows her nose, then she utters through her tears:

"I loved you so much, when I was a little girl - and then suddenly. . ." Followed by another shower of tears.

Sam asks: "How old are you, when you still can love him?"

Alice interrupts her sobbing and 'looks within', then she says: "Well, maybe four or five years old. The outings to the lake with camping, swimming in the lake and the campfires in the evening - back then, he was the best Dad in the world for me - and for the whole family!

And he still enjoyed his job as an engineer and liked his work at the company.

But later, there was a new boss, who only criticized him and put him down, although he did a good job - that's what he told us, anyway. And then he started drinking too much and picked fights with Mom all the time. . ."

"That's how it was," Sam interrupts at this point: "And then the abuse started, which we worked on during your bioenergetics sessions, and which you returned to him in the fire ritual.

But kindly stay four or five years old for the moment - there at the lake. What did your father do there with you and the family?"

Alice: "Well, in summer, we sometimes spent the whole day at or in the lake. And there were outings to the surrounding countryside or we hiked in the mountains. Mom and Dad still were very different with each other and they laughed a lot. And Dad enjoyed taking me and my sister in his arms or he played 'fly angel fly' with us, together with Mom..."

Sam: "Good. And now it might be possible to try this sentence again. Remember the words?"

Alice: "Yes - now I can do it." She looks at the father, her palms turned upwards, and says slowly: "And I take my life from you, as a whole - lock, stock and barrel - I take it fully and with an open heart!"

Sam: "Great. Maybe you'd also like to hug your Dad as he was back then one more time?," he asks, pointing at Johannes, who embodies the father.

At first, Alice looks a bit confused. Then she smiles, turns towards Johannes and asks: "Would that be fine with you?"

He replies: "Yes, at the moment I'm your Dad, as he was back then - and yes, that's alright with me."

Both get up now and approach each other very slowly - then they embrace with all the time in the world. The mood of the group changes ever so slightly.

When the two let go again and look at each other, smiling, Sam comments: "You do look beautiful!"

And they answer in unison: "Oh yes, it is beautiful!," while everybody starts to laugh.

Sam says: "Now we'll go one step further still, if you like."

Alice replies: "I thought that was it! How can we go any further?"

"The father can answer the daughter," Sam says, turning to Johannes, who personifies the father, and tells him: "Please, speak the following sentences as the father to your daughter:

"Dear daughter, I thank you for giving me the honour as my child. I gladly accept it. And I also give you the honour as your father. In the future, you will remain my daughter and I will remain your father. But from now on, we will be at eye-level as well. "

At this point, a group member asks: "Is it actually possible that a child meets mother or father on an equal footing?"

Sam explains: "Well, as I've just emphasized, 'as well'. Perhaps not always, but always more often, as time passes." Then, turning back to Alice and Johannes, he asks once again: "Are you ready for these sentences?" When both are nodding, he says to Johannes: "So, please speak as the father to your daughter, sentence for sentence."

Johannes as the father:"Dear Daughter, I thank you for giving me the honour as my child. I'm glad to accept it. And I also give you the honour as your father. In the future, you will remain my daughter and I will remain your father. But from now on, we will be at eye-level as well."

Alice listens to these words in a calm and collected mood. Then she says: "Sounds great; but in my family it was so different, he was so different?!"

"Of course," Sam says, "that's why we're doing this here, to get you out of this spell of your father's dark violence. That's the reason we're letting your loving father have a word now, as you've even experienced him in your real father, when you were a four or five year old child.

It's just as if we were playing a supplementary film - to show you, how a loving father speaks to his daughter - by himself honouring the honour she is showing to him. This won't erase the problematic memories you have concerning your father, just like information is erased in a computer but, as I've said before, it will complement your memories.