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- Herausgeber: E-BOOKARAMA
- Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
- Sprache: Englisch
- Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2021
"Gargantua and Pantagruel" (
AKA "The Life of Gargantua and Pantagruel") is a series of five novels written by François Rabelais in the sixteenth century. It tells the story of the adventures of two giants in a satirical prose laced with irony and sarcasm.
No one is safe. Rabelais criticized the Catholic Church, the political establishment, the common people, and philosophers among others. The series is considered a classic of Renaissance literature. It gave the French language hundreds of new words and has been analyzed for its satirical structure by many critics. Although the style is not one modern readers are familiar with, it is part of the classic canon of French literature.
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Table of contents
GARGANTUA AND PANTAGRUEL
Note
BOOK ONE
Francis Rabelais
The Author's Prologue To The First Book
Chapter 1. Of The Genealogy And Antiquity Of Gargantua
Chapter 2. The Antidoted Fanfreluches: Or, A Galimatia Of Extravagant Conceits Found In An Ancient Monument
Chapter 3. How Gargantua Was Carried Eleven Months In His Mother's Belly
Chapter 4. How Gargamelle, Being Great With Gargantua, Did Eat A Huge Deal Of Tripes
Chapter 5. The Discourse Of The Drinkers
Chapter 6. How Gargantua Was Born In A Strange Manner
Chapter 7. After What Manner Gargantua Had His Name Given Him, And How He Tippled, Bibbed, And Curried The Can
Chapter 8. How They Apparelled Gargantua
Chapter 9. The Colours And Liveries Of Gargantua
Chapter 10. Of That Which Is Signified By The Colours White And Blue
Chapter 11. Of The Youthful Age Of Gargantua
Chapter 12. Of Gargantua's Wooden Horses
Chapter 13. How Gargantua's Wonderful Understanding Became Known To His Father Grangousier, By The Invention Of A Torchecul Or Wipebreech
Chapter 14. How Gargantua Was Taught Latin By A Sophister
Chapter 15. How Gargantua Was Put Under Other Schoolmasters
Chapter 16. How Gargantua Was Sent To Paris, And Of The Huge Great Mare That He Rode On; How She Destroyed The Oxflies Of The Beauce
Chapter 17. How Gargantua Paid His Welcome To The Parisians, And How He Took Away The Great Bells Of Our Lady's Church
Chapter 18. How Janotus De Bragmardo Was Sent To Gargantua To Recover The Great Bells
Chapter 19. The Oration Of Master Janotus De Bragmardo For Recovery Of The Bells
Chapter 20. How The Sophister Carried Away His Cloth, And How He Had A Suit In Law Against The Other Masters
Chapter 21. The Study Of Gargantua, According To The Discipline Of His Schoolmasters The Sophisters
Chapter 22. The Games Of Gargantua
Chapter 23. How Gargantua Was Instructed By Ponocrates, And In Such Sort Disciplinated, That He Lost Not One Hour Of The Day
Chapter 24. How Gargantua Spent His Time In Rainy Weather
Chapter 25. How There Was Great Strife And Debate Raised Betwixt The Cake-Bakers Of Lerne, And Those Of Gargantua's Country, Whereupon Were Waged Great Wars
Chapter 26. How The Inhabitants Of Lerne, By The Commandment Of Picrochole Their King, Assaulted The Shepherds Of Gargantua Unexpectedly And On A Sudden
Chapter 27. How A Monk Of Seville Saved The Close Of The Abbey From Being Ransacked By The Enemy
Chapter 28. How Picrochole Stormed And Took By Assault The Rock Clermond, And Of Grangousier's Unwillingness And Aversion From The Undertaking Of War
Chapter 29. The Tenour Of The Letter Which Grangousier Wrote To His Son Gargantua
Chapter 30. How Ulric Gallet Was Sent Unto Picrochole
Chapter 31. The Speech Made By Gallet To Picrochole
Chapter 32. How Grangousier, To Buy Peace, Caused The Cakes To Be Restored
Chapter 33. How Some Statesmen Of Picrochole, By Hairbrained Counsel, Put Him In Extreme Danger
Chapter 34. How Gargantua Left The City Of Paris To Succour His Country, And How Gymnast Encountered With The Enemy
Chapter 35. How Gymnast Very Souply And Cunningly Killed Captain Tripet And Others Of Picrochole's Men
Chapter 36. How Gargantua Demolished The Castle At The Ford Of Vede, And How They Passed The Ford
Chapter 37. How Gargantua, In Combing His Head, Made The Great Cannon-Balls Fall Out Of His Hair
Chapter 38. How Gargantua Did Eat Up Six Pilgrims In A Salad
Chapter 39. How The Monk Was Feasted By Gargantua, And Of The Jovial Discourse They Had At Supper
Chapter 40. Why Monks Are The Outcasts Of The World; And Wherefore Some Have Bigger Noses Than Others
Chapter 41. How The Monk Made Gargantua Sleep, And Of His Hours And Breviaries
Chapter 42. How The Monk Encouraged His Fellow-Champions, And How He Hanged Upon A Tree
Chapter 43. How The Scouts And Fore-Party Of Picrochole Were Met With By Gargantua, And How The Monk Slew Captain Drawforth (Tirevant.), And Then Was Taken Prisoner By His Enemies
Chapter 44. How The Monk Rid Himself Of His Keepers, And How Picrochole's Forlorn Hope Was Defeated
Chapter 45. How The Monk Carried Along With Him The Pilgrims, And Of The Good Words That Grangousier Gave Them
Chapter 46. How Grangousier Did Very Kindly Entertain Touchfaucet His Prisoner
Chapter 47. How Grangousier Sent For His Legions, And How Touchfaucet Slew Rashcalf, And Was Afterwards Executed By The Command Of Picrochole
Chapter 48. How Gargantua Set Upon Picrochole Within The Rock Clermond, And Utterly Defeated The Army Of The Said Picrochole
Chapter 49. How Picrochole In His Flight Fell Into Great Misfortunes, And What Gargantua Did After The Battle
Chapter 50. Gargantua's Speech To The Vanquished
Chapter 51. How The Victorious Gargantuists Were Recompensed After The Battle
Chapter 52. How Gargantua Caused To Be Built For The Monk The Abbey Of Theleme
Chapter 53. How The Abbey Of The Thelemites Was Built And Endowed
Chapter 54. The Inscription Set Upon The Great Gate Of Theleme
Chapter 55. What Manner Of Dwelling The Thelemites Had
Chapter 56. How The Men And Women Of The Religious Order Of Theleme Were Apparelled
Chapter 57. How The Thelemites Were Governed, And Of Their Manner Of Living
Chapter 58. A Prophetical Riddle
BOOK TWO
For The Reader
The Author's Prologue
Chapter 1. Of The Original And Antiquity Of The Great Pantagruel
Chapter 2. Of The Nativity Of The Most Dread And Redoubted Pantagruel
Chapter 3. Of The Grief Wherewith Gargantua Was Moved At The Decease Of His Wife Badebec
Chapter 4. Of The Infancy Of Pantagruel
Chapter 5. Of The Acts Of The Noble Pantagruel In His Youthful Age
Chapter 6. How Pantagruel Met With A Limousin, Who Too Affectedly Did Counterfeit The French Language
Chapter 7. How Pantagruel Came To Paris, And Of The Choice Books Of The Library Of St. Victor
Chapter 8. How Pantagruel, Being At Paris, Received Letters From His Father Gargantua, And The Copy Of Them
Chapter 9. How Pantagruel Found Panurge, Whom He Loved All His Lifetime
Chapter 10. How Pantagruel Judged So Equitably Of A Controversy, Which Was Wonderfully Obscure And Difficult, That, By Reason Of His Just Decree Therein, He Was Reputed To Have A Most Admirable Judgment
Chapter 11. How The Lords Of Kissbreech And Suckfist Did Plead Before Pantagruel Without An Attorney
Chapter 12. How The Lord Of Suckfist Pleaded Before Pantagruel
Chapter 13. How Pantagruel Gave Judgment Upon The Difference Of The Two Lords
Chapter 14. How Panurge Related The Manner How He Escaped Out Of The Hands Of The Turks
Chapter 15. How Panurge Showed A Very New Way To Build The Walls Of Paris
Chapter 16. Of The Qualities And Conditions Of Panurge
Chapter 17. How Panurge Gained The Pardons, And Married The Old Women, And Of The Suit In Law Which He Had At Paris
Chapter 18. How A Great Scholar Of England Would Have Argued Against Pantagruel, And Was Overcome By Panurge
Chapter 19. How Panurge Put To A Nonplus The Englishman That Argued By Signs
Chapter 20. How Thaumast Relateth The Virtues And Knowledge Of Panurge
Chapter 21. How Panurge Was In Love With A Lady Of Paris
Chapter 22. How Panurge Served A Parisian Lady A Trick That Pleased Her Not Very Well
Chapter 23. How Pantagruel Departed From Paris, Hearing News That The Dipsodes Had Invaded The Land Of The Amaurots; And The Cause Wherefore The Leagues Are So Short In France
Chapter 24. A Letter Which A Messenger Brought To Pantagruel From A Lady Of Paris, Together With The Exposition Of A Posy Written In A Gold Ring
Chapter 25. How Panurge, Carpalin, Eusthenes, And Epistemon, The Gentlemen Attendants Of Pantagruel, Vanquished And Discomfited Six Hundred And Threescore Horsemen Very Cunningly
Chapter 26. How Pantagruel And His Company Were Weary In Eating Still Salt Meats; And How Carpalin Went A-Hunting To Have Some Venison
Chapter 27. How Pantagruel Set Up One Trophy In Memorial Of Their Valour, And Panurge Another In Remembrance Of The Hares. How Pantagruel Likewise With His Farts Begat Little Men, And With His Fisgs Little Women; And How Panurge Broke A Great Staff Over Two Glasses
Chapter 28. How Pantagruel Got The Victory Very Strangely Over The Dipsodes And The Giants
Chapter 29. How Pantagruel Discomfited The Three Hundred Giants Armed With Free-Stone, And Loupgarou Their Captain
Chapter 30. How Epistemon, Who Had His Head Cut Off, Was Finely Healed By Panurge, And Of The News Which He Brought From The Devils, And Of The Damned People In Hell
Chapter 31. How Pantagruel Entered Into The City Of The Amaurots, And How Panurge Married King Anarchus To An Old Lantern-Carrying Hag, And Made Him A Crier Of Green Sauce
Chapter 32. How Pantagruel With His Tongue Covered A Whole Army, And What The Author Saw In His Mouth
Chapter 33. How Pantagruel Became Sick, And The Manner How He Was Recovered
Chapter 34. The Conclusion Of This Present Book, And The Excuse Of The Author
BOOK THREE
Francois Rabelais To The Soul Of The Deceased Queen Of Navarre
The Author's Prologue
Chapter 1. How Pantagruel Transported A Colony Of Utopians Into Dipsody
Chapter 2. How Panurge Was Made Laird Of Salmigondin In Dipsody, And Did Waste His Revenue Before It Came In
Chapter 3. How Panurge Praiseth The Debtors And Borrowers
Chapter 4. Panurge Continueth His Discourse In The Praise Of Borrowers And Lenders
Chapter 5. How Pantagruel Altogether Abhorreth The Debtors And Borrowers
Chapter 6. Why New Married Men Were Privileged From Going To The Wars
Chapter 7. How Panurge Had A Flea In His Ear, And Forbore To Wear Any Longer His Magnificent Codpiece
Chapter 8. Why The Codpiece Is Held To Be The Chief Piece Of Armour Amongst Warriors
Chapter 9. How Panurge Asketh Counsel Of Pantagruel Whether He Should Marry, Yea, Or No
Chapter 10. How Pantagruel Representeth Unto Panurge The Difficulty Of Giving Advice In The Matter Of Marriage; And To That Purpose Mentioneth Somewhat Of The Homeric And Virgilian Lotteries
Chapter 11. How Pantagruel Showeth The Trial Of One's Fortune By The Throwing Of Dice To Be Unlawful
Chapter 12. How Pantagruel Doth Explore By The Virgilian Lottery What Fortune Panurge Shall Have In His Marriage
Chapter 13. How Pantagruel Adviseth Panurge To Try The Future Good Or Bad Luck Of His Marriage By Dreams
Chapter 14. Panurge's Dream, With The Interpretation Thereof
Chapter 15. Panurge's Excuse And Exposition Of The Monastic Mystery Concerning Powdered Beef
Chapter 16. How Pantagruel Adviseth Panurge To Consult With The Sibyl Of Panzoust
Chapter 17. How Panurge Spoke To The Sibyl Of Panzoust
Chapter 18. How Pantagruel And Panurge Did Diversely Expound The Verses Of The Sibyl Of Panzoust
Chapter 19. How Pantagruel Praiseth The Counsel Of Dumb Men
Chapter 20. How Goatsnose By Signs Maketh Answer To Panurge
Chapter 21. How Panurge Consulteth With An Old French Poet, Named Raminagrobis
Chapter 22. How Panurge Patrocinates And Defendeth The Order Of The Begging Friars
Chapter 23. How Panurge Maketh The Motion Of A Return To Raminagrobis
Chapter 24. How Panurge Consulteth With Epistemon
Chapter 25. How Panurge Consulteth With Herr Trippa
Chapter 26. How Panurge Consulteth With Friar John Of The Funnels
Chapter 27. How Friar John Merrily And Sportingly Counselleth Panurge
Chapter 28. How Friar John Comforteth Panurge In The Doubtful Matter Of Cuckoldry
Chapter 29. How Pantagruel Convocated Together A Theologian, Physician, Lawyer, And Philosopher, For Extricating Panurge Out Of The Perplexity Wherein He Was
Chapter 30. How The Theologue, Hippothadee, Giveth Counsel To Panurge In The Matter And Business Of His Nuptial Enterprise
Chapter 31. How The Physician Rondibilis Counselleth Panurge
Chapter 32. How Rondibilis Declareth Cuckoldry To Be Naturally One Of The Appendances Of Marriage
Chapter 33. Rondibilis The Physician's Cure Of Cuckoldry
Chapter 34. How Women Ordinarily Have The Greatest Longing After Things Prohibited
Chapter 35. How The Philosopher Trouillogan Handleth The Difficulty Of Marriage
Chapter 36. A Continuation Of The Answer Of The Ephectic And Pyrrhonian Philosopher Trouillogan
Chapter 37. How Pantagruel Persuaded Panurge To Take Counsel Of A Fool
Chapter 38. How Triboulet Is Set Forth And Blazed By Pantagruel And Panurge
Chapter 39. How Pantagruel Was Present At The Trial Of Judge Bridlegoose, Who Decided Causes And Controversies In Law By The Chance And Fortune Of The Dice
Chapter 40. How Bridlegoose Giveth Reasons Why He Looked Upon Those Law-Actions Which He Decided By The Chance Of The Dice
Chapter 41. How Bridlegoose Relateth The History Of The Reconcilers Of Parties At Variance In Matters Of Law
Chapter 42. How Suits At Law Are Bred At First, And How They Come Afterwards To Their Perfect Growth
Chapter 43. How Pantagruel Excuseth Bridlegoose In The Matter Of Sentencing Actions At Law By The Chance Of The Dice
Chapter 44. How Pantagruel Relateth A Strange History Of The Perplexity Of Human Judgment
Chapter 45. How Panurge Taketh Advice Of Triboulet
Chapter 46. How Pantagruel And Panurge Diversely Interpret The Words Of Triboulet
Chapter 47. How Pantagruel And Panurge Resolved To Make A Visit To The Oracle Of The Holy Bottle
Chapter 48. How Gargantua Showeth That The Children Ought Not To Marry Without The Special Knowledge And Advice Of Their Fathers And Mothers
Chapter 49. How Pantagruel Did Put Himself In A Readiness To Go To Sea; And Of The Herb Named Pantagruelion
Chapter 50. How The Famous Pantagruelion Ought To Be Prepared And Wrought
Chapter 51. Why It Is Called Pantagruelion, And Of The Admirable Virtues Thereof
Chapter 52. How A Certain Kind Of Pantagruelion Is Of That Nature That The Fire Is Not Able To Consume It
BOOK FOUR
The Translator's Preface
The Author's Epistle Dedicatory
The Author's Prologue
Chapter 1. How Pantagruel Went To Sea To Visit The Oracle Of Bacbuc, Alias The Holy Bottle
Chapter 2. How Pantagruel Bought Many Rarities In The Island Of Medamothy
Chapter 3. How Pantagruel Received A Letter From His Father Gargantua, And Of The Strange Way To Have Speedy News From Far Distant Places
Chapter 4. How Pantagruel Writ To His Father Gargantua, And Sent Him Several Curiosities
Chapter 5. How Pantagruel Met A Ship With Passengers Returning From Lanternland
Chapter 6. How, The Fray Being Over, Panurge Cheapened One Of Dingdong's Sheep
Chapter 7. Which If You Read You'll Find How Panurge Bargained With Dingdong
Chapter 8. How Panurge Caused Dingdong And His Sheep To Be Drowned In The Sea
Chapter 9. How Pantagruel Arrived At The Island Of Ennasin, And Of The Strange Ways Of Being Akin In That Country
Chapter 10. How Pantagruel Went Ashore At The Island Of Chely, Where He Saw King St. Panigon
Chapter 11. Why Monks Love To Be In Kitchens
Chapter 12. How Pantagruel Passed By The Land Of Pettifogging, And Of The Strange Way Of Living Among The Catchpoles
Chapter 13. How, Like Master Francis Villon, The Lord Of Basche Commended His Servants
Chapter 14. A Further Account Of Catchpoles Who Were Drubbed At Basche's House
Chapter 15. How The Ancient Custom At Nuptials Is Renewed By The Catchpole
Chapter 16. How Friar John Made Trial Of The Nature Of The Catchpoles
Chapter 17. How Pantagruel Came To The Islands Of Tohu And Bohu; And Of The Strange Death Of Wide-Nostrils, The Swallower Of Windmills
Chapter 18. How Pantagruel Met With A Great Storm At Sea
Chapter 19. What Countenances Panurge And Friar John Kept During The Storm
Chapter 20. How The Pilots Were Forsaking Their Ships In The Greatest Stress Of Weather
Chapter 21. A Continuation Of The Storm, With A Short Discourse On The Subject Of Making Testaments At Sea
Chapter 22. An End Of The Storm
Chapter 23. How Panurge Played The Good Fellow When The Storm Was Over
Chapter 24. How Panurge Was Said To Have Been Afraid Without Reason During The Storm
Chapter 25. How, After The Storm, Pantagruel Went On Shore In The Islands Of The Macreons
Chapter 26. How The Good Macrobius Gave Us An Account Of The Mansion And Decease Of The Heroes
Chapter 27. Pantagruel's Discourse Of The Decease Of Heroic Souls; And Of The Dreadful Prodigies That Happened Before The Death Of The Late Lord De Langey
Chapter 28. How Pantagruel Related A Very Sad Story Of The Death Of The Heroes
Chapter 29. How Pantagruel Sailed By The Sneaking Island, Where Shrovetide Reigned
Chapter 30. How Shrovetide Is Anatomized And Described By Xenomanes
Chapter 31. Shrovetide's Outward Parts Anatomized
Chapter 32. A Continuation Of Shrovetide's Countenance
Chapter 33. How Pantagruel Discovered A Monstrous Physeter, Or Whirlpool, Near The Wild Island
Chapter 34. How The Monstrous Physeter Was Slain By Pantagruel
Chapter 35. How Pantagruel Went On Shore In The Wild Island, The Ancient Abode Of The Chitterlings
Chapter 36. How The Wild Chitterlings Laid An Ambuscado For Pantagruel
Chapter 37. How Pantagruel Sent For Colonel Maul-Chitterling And Colonel Cut-Pudding; With A Discourse Well Worth Your Hearing About The Names Of Places And Persons
Chapter 38. How Chitterlings Are Not To Be Slighted By Men
Chapter 39. How Friar John Joined With The Cooks To Fight The Chitterlings
Chapter 40. How Friar John Fitted Up The Sow; And Of The Valiant Cooks That Went Into It
Chapter 41. How Pantagruel Broke The Chitterlings At The Knees
Chapter 42. How Pantagruel Held A Treaty With Niphleseth, Queen Of The Chitterlings
Chapter 43. How Pantagruel Went Into The Island Of Ruach
Chapter 44. How Small Rain Lays A High Wind
Chapter 45. How Pantagruel Went Ashore In The Island Of Pope-Figland
Chapter 46. How A Junior Devil Was Fooled By A Husbandman Of Pope-Figland
Chapter 47. How The Devil Was Deceived By An Old Woman Of Pope-Figland
Chapter 48. How Pantagruel Went Ashore At The Island Of Papimany
Chapter 49. How Homenas, Bishop Of Papimany, Showed Us The Uranopet Decretals
Chapter 50. How Homenas Showed Us The Archetype, Or Representation Of A Pope
Chapter 51. Table-Talk In Praise Of The Decretals
Chapter 52. A Continuation Of The Miracles Caused By The Decretals
Chapter 53. How By The Virtue Of The Decretals, Gold Is Subtilely Drawn Out Of France To Rome
Chapter 54. How Homenas Gave Pantagruel Some Bon-Christian Pears
Chapter 55. How Pantagruel, Being At Sea, Heard Various Unfrozen Words
Chapter 56. How Among The Frozen Words Pantagruel Found Some Odd Ones
Chapter 57. How Pantagruel Went Ashore At The Dwelling Of Gaster, The First Master Of Arts In The World
Chapter 58. How, At The Court Of The Master Of Ingenuity, Pantagruel Detested The Engastrimythes And The Gastrolaters
Chapter 59. Of The Ridiculous Statue Manduce; And How And What The Gastrolaters Sacrifice To Their Ventripotent God
Chapter 60. What The Gastrolaters Sacrificed To Their God On Interlarded Fish-Days
Chapter 61. How Gaster Invented Means To Get And Preserve Corn
Chapter 62. How Gaster Invented An Art To Avoid Being Hurt Or Touched By Cannon-Balls
Chapter 63. How Pantagruel Fell Asleep Near The Island Of Chaneph, And Of The Problems Proposed To Be Solved When He Waked
Chapter 64. How Pantagruel Gave No Answer To The Problems
Chapter 65. How Pantagruel Passed The Time With His Servants
Chapter 66. How, By Pantagruel's Order, The Muses Were Saluted Near The Isle Of Ganabim
Chapter 67. How Panurge Berayed Himself For Fear; And Of The Huge Cat Rodilardus, Which He Took For A Puny Devil
BOOK FIVE
The Author's Prologue
Chapter 1. How Pantagruel Arrived At The Ringing Island, And Of The Noise That We Heard
Chapter 2. How The Ringing Island Had Been Inhabited By The Siticines, Who Were Become Birds
Chapter 3. How There Is But One Pope-Hawk In The Ringing Island
Chapter 4. How The Birds Of The Ringing Island Were All Passengers
Chapter 5. Of The Dumb Knight-Hawks Of The Ringing Island
Chapter 6. How The Birds Are Crammed In The Ringing Island
Chapter 7. How Panurge Related To Master Aedituus The Fable Of The Horse And The Ass
Chapter 8. How With Much Ado We Got A Sight Of The Pope-Hawk
Chapter 9. How We Arrived At The Island Of Tools
Chapter 10. How Pantagruel Arrived At The Island Of Sharping
Chapter 11. How We Passed Through The Wicket Inhabited By Gripe-Men-All, Archduke Of The Furred Law-Cats
Chapter 12. How Gripe-Men-All Propounded A Riddle To Us
Chapter 13. How Panurge Solved Gripe-Men-All's Riddle
Chapter 14. How The Furred Law-Cats Live On Corruption
Chapter 15. How Friar John Talks Of Rooting Out The Furred Law-Cats
Chapter 16. How Pantagruel Came To The Island Of The Apedefers, Or Ignoramuses, With Long Claws And Crooked Paws, And Of Terrible Adventures And Monsters There
Chapter 17. How We Went Forwards, And How Panurge Had Like To Have Been Killed
Chapter 18. How Our Ships Were Stranded, And We Were Relieved By Some People That Were Subject To Queen Whims (Qui Tenoient De La Quinte)
Chapter 19. How We Arrived At The Queendom Of Whims Or Entelechy
Chapter 20. How The Quintessence Cured The Sick With A Song
Chapter 21. How The Queen Passed Her Time After Dinner
Chapter 22. How Queen Whims' Officers Were Employed; And How The Said Lady Retained Us Among Her Abstractors
Chapter 23. How The Queen Was Served At Dinner, And Of Her Way Of Eating
Chapter 24. How There Was A Ball In The Manner Of A Tournament, At Which Queen Whims Was Present
Chapter 25. How The Thirty-Two Persons At The Ball Fought
Chapter 26. How We Came To The Island Of Odes, Where The Ways Go Up And Down
Chapter 27. How We Came To The Island Of Sandals; And Of The Order Of Semiquaver Friars
Chapter 28. How Panurge Asked A Semiquaver Friar Many Questions, And Was Only Answered In Monosyllables
Chapter 29. How Epistemon Disliked The Institution Of Lent
Chapter 30. How We Came To The Land Of Satin
Chapter 31. How In The Land Of Satin We Saw Hearsay, Who Kept A School Of Vouching
Chapter 32. How We Came In Sight Of Lantern-Land
Chapter 33. How We Landed At The Port Of The Lychnobii, And Came To Lantern-Land
Chapter 34. How We Arrived At The Oracle Of The Bottle
Chapter 35. How We Went Underground To Come To The Temple Of The Holy Bottle, And How Chinon Is The Oldest City In The World
Chapter 36. How We Went Down The Tetradic Steps, And Of Panurge's Fear
Chapter 37. How The Temple Gates In A Wonderful Manner Opened Of Themselves
Chapter 38. Of The Temple's Admirable Pavement
Chapter 39. How We Saw Bacchus's Army Drawn Up In Battalia In Mosaic Work
Chapter 40. How The Battle In Which The Good Bacchus Overthrew The Indians Was Represented In Mosaic Work
Chapter 41. How The Temple Was Illuminated With A Wonderful Lamp
Chapter 42. How The Priestess Bacbuc Showed Us A Fantastic Fountain In The Temple, And How The Fountain-Water Had The Taste Of Wine, According To The Imagination Of Those Who Drank Of It
Chapter 43. How The Priestess Bacbuc Equipped Panurge In Order To Have The Word Of The Bottle
Chapter 44. How Bacbuc, The High-Priestess, Brought Panurge Before The Holy Bottle
Chapter 45. How Bacbuc Explained The Word Of The Goddess-Bottle
Chapter 46. How Panurge And The Rest Rhymed With Poetic Fury
Chapter 47. How We Took Our Leave Of Bacbuc, And Left The Oracle Of The Holy Bottle
GARGANTUA AND PANTAGRUEL
François Rabelais
TRANSLATED BY
SIR THOMAS URQUHART OF CROMARTY AND PETER ANTONY MOTTEUX
Note
The text of the first Two Books of Rabelais has been reprinted from the first edition (1653) of Urquhart's translation. Footnotes initialled 'M.' are drawn from the Maitland Club edition (1838); other footnotes are by the translator. Urquhart's translation of Book III. appeared posthumously in 1693, with a new edition of Books I. and II., under Motteux's editorship. Motteux's rendering of Books IV. and V. followed in 1708. Occasionally (as the footnotes indicate) passages omitted by Motteux have been restored from the 1738 copy edited by Ozell.
BOOK ONE
Francis Rabelais
THE FIRST BOOK.
To the Honoured, Noble Translator of Rabelais.
Rabelais, whose wit prodigiously was made,
All men, professions, actions to invade,
With so much furious vigour, as if it
Had lived o'er each of them, and each had quit,
Yet with such happy sleight and careless skill,
As, like the serpent, doth with laughter kill,
So that although his noble leaves appear
Antic and Gottish, and dull souls forbear
To turn them o'er, lest they should only find
Nothing but savage monsters of a mind,—
No shapen beauteous thoughts; yet when the wise
Seriously strip him of his wild disguise,
Melt down his dross, refine his massy ore,
And polish that which seem'd rough-cast before,
Search his deep sense, unveil his hidden mirth,
And make that fiery which before seem'd earth
(Conquering those things of highest consequence,
What's difficult of language or of sense),
He will appear some noble table writ
In the old Egyptian hieroglyphic wit;
Where, though you monsters and grotescoes see,
You meet all mysteries of philosophy.
For he was wise and sovereignly bred
To know what mankind is, how 't may be led:
He stoop'd unto them, like that wise man, who
Rid on a stick, when 's children would do so.
For we are easy sullen things, and must
Be laugh'd aright, and cheated into trust;
Whilst a black piece of phlegm, that lays about
Dull menaces, and terrifies the rout,
And cajoles it, with all its peevish strength
Piteously stretch'd and botch'd up into length,
Whilst the tired rabble sleepily obey
Such opiate talk, and snore away the day,
By all his noise as much their minds relieves,
As caterwauling of wild cats frights thieves.
But Rabelais was another thing, a man
Made up of all that art and nature can
Form from a fiery genius,—he was one
Whose soul so universally was thrown
Through all the arts of life, who understood
Each stratagem by which we stray from good;
So that he best might solid virtue teach,
As some 'gainst sins of their own bosoms preach:
He from wise choice did the true means prefer,
In the fool's coat acting th' philosopher.
Thus hoary Aesop's beasts did mildly tame
Fierce man, and moralize him into shame;
Thus brave romances, while they seem to lay
Great trains of lust, platonic love display;
Thus would old Sparta, if a seldom chance
Show'd a drunk slave, teach children temperance;
Thus did the later poets nobly bring
The scene to height, making the fool the king.
And, noble sir, you vigorously have trod
In this hard path, unknown, un-understood
By its own countrymen, 'tis you appear
Our full enjoyment which was our despair,
Scattering his mists, cheering his cynic frowns
(For radiant brightness now dark Rabelais crowns),
Leaving your brave heroic cares, which must
Make better mankind and embalm your dust,
So undeceiving us, that now we see
All wit in Gascon and in Cromarty,
Besides that Rabelais is convey'd to us,
And that our Scotland is not barbarous.
J. De la Salle.
Rablophila.
The First Decade.
The Commendation.
Musa! canas nostrorum in testimonium Amorum,
Et Gargantueas perpetuato faces,
Utque homini tali resultet nobilis Eccho:
Quicquid Fama canit, Pantagruelis erit.
The Argument.
Here I intend mysteriously to sing
With a pen pluck'd from Fame's own wing,
Of Gargantua that learn'd breech-wiping king.
Decade the First.
I.
Help me, propitious stars; a mighty blaze
Benumbs me!I must sound the praise
Of him hath turn'd this crabbed work in such heroic phrase.
II.
What wit would not court martyrdom to hold
Upon his head a laurel of gold,
Where for each rich conceit a Pumpion-pearl is told:
III.
And such a one is this, art's masterpiece,
A thing ne'er equall'd by old Greece:
A thing ne'er match'd as yet, a real Golden Fleece.
IV.
Vice is a soldier fights against mankind;
Which you may look but never find:
For 'tis an envious thing, with cunning interlined.
V.
And thus he rails at drinking all before 'em,
And for lewd women does be-whore 'em,
And brings their painted faces and black patches to th' quorum.
VI.
To drink he was a furious enemy
Contented with a six-penny—
(with diamond hatband, silver spurs, six horses.) pie—
VII.
And for tobacco's pate-rotunding smoke,
Much had he said, and much more spoke,
But 'twas not then found out, so the design was broke.
VIII.
Muse! Fancy! Faith! come now arise aloud,
Assembled in a blue-vein'd cloud,
And this tall infant in angelic arms now shroud.
IX.
To praise it further I would now begin
Were 't now a thoroughfare and inn,
It harbours vice, though 't be to catch it in a gin.
X.
Therefore, my Muse, draw up thy flowing sail,
And acclamate a gentle hail
With all thy art and metaphors, which must prevail.
Jam prima Oceani pars est praeterita nostri.
Imparibus restat danda secunda modis.
Quam si praestiterit mentem Daemon malus addam,
Cum sapiens totus prodierit Rabelais.
Malevolus.
(Reader, the Errata, which in this book are not a few, are casually lost; and therefore the Translator, not having leisure to collect them again, craves thy pardon for such as thou may'st meet with.)
The Author's Prologue To The First Book
Most noble and illustrious drinkers, and you thrice precious pockified blades (for to you, and none else, do I dedicate my writings), Alcibiades, in that dialogue of Plato's, which is entitled The Banquet, whilst he was setting forth the praises of his schoolmaster Socrates (without all question the prince of philosophers), amongst other discourses to that purpose, said that he resembled the Silenes. Silenes of old were little boxes, like those we now may see in the shops of apothecaries, painted on the outside with wanton toyish figures, as harpies, satyrs, bridled geese, horned hares, saddled ducks, flying goats, thiller harts, and other such-like counterfeited pictures at discretion, to excite people unto laughter, as Silenus himself, who was the foster-father of good Bacchus, was wont to do; but within those capricious caskets were carefully preserved and kept many rich jewels and fine drugs, such as balm, ambergris, amomon, musk, civet, with several kinds of precious stones, and other things of great price. Just such another thing was Socrates. For to have eyed his outside, and esteemed of him by his exterior appearance, you would not have given the peel of an onion for him, so deformed he was in body, and ridiculous in his gesture. He had a sharp pointed nose, with the look of a bull, and countenance of a fool: he was in his carriage simple, boorish in his apparel, in fortune poor, unhappy in his wives, unfit for all offices in the commonwealth, always laughing, tippling, and merrily carousing to everyone, with continual gibes and jeers, the better by those means to conceal his divine knowledge. Now, opening this box you would have found within it a heavenly and inestimable drug, a more than human understanding, an admirable virtue, matchless learning, invincible courage, unimitable sobriety, certain contentment of mind, perfect assurance, and an incredible misregard of all that for which men commonly do so much watch, run, sail, fight, travel, toil and turmoil themselves.
Whereunto (in your opinion) doth this little flourish of a preamble tend? For so much as you, my good disciples, and some other jolly fools of ease and leisure, reading the pleasant titles of some books of our invention, as Gargantua, Pantagruel, Whippot (Fessepinte.), the Dignity of Codpieces, of Pease and Bacon with a Commentary, &c., are too ready to judge that there is nothing in them but jests, mockeries, lascivious discourse, and recreative lies; because the outside (which is the title) is usually, without any farther inquiry, entertained with scoffing and derision. But truly it is very unbeseeming to make so slight account of the works of men, seeing yourselves avouch that it is not the habit makes the monk, many being monasterially accoutred, who inwardly are nothing less than monachal, and that there are of those that wear Spanish capes, who have but little of the valour of Spaniards in them. Therefore is it, that you must open the book, and seriously consider of the matter treated in it. Then shall you find that it containeth things of far higher value than the box did promise; that is to say, that the subject thereof is not so foolish as by the title at the first sight it would appear to be.
And put the case, that in the literal sense you meet with purposes merry and solacious enough, and consequently very correspondent to their inscriptions, yet must not you stop there as at the melody of the charming syrens, but endeavour to interpret that in a sublimer sense which possibly you intended to have spoken in the jollity of your heart. Did you ever pick the lock of a cupboard to steal a bottle of wine out of it? Tell me truly, and, if you did, call to mind the countenance which then you had. Or, did you ever see a dog with a marrowbone in his mouth,—the beast of all other, says Plato, lib. 2, de Republica, the most philosophical? If you have seen him, you might have remarked with what devotion and circumspectness he wards and watcheth it: with what care he keeps it: how fervently he holds it: how prudently he gobbets it: with what affection he breaks it: and with what diligence he sucks it. To what end all this? What moveth him to take all these pains? What are the hopes of his labour? What doth he expect to reap thereby? Nothing but a little marrow. True it is, that this little is more savoury and delicious than the great quantities of other sorts of meat, because the marrow (as Galen testifieth, 5. facult. nat. & 11. de usu partium) is a nourishment most perfectly elaboured by nature.
In imitation of this dog, it becomes you to be wise, to smell, feel and have in estimation these fair goodly books, stuffed with high conceptions, which, though seemingly easy in the pursuit, are in the cope and encounter somewhat difficult. And then, like him, you must, by a sedulous lecture, and frequent meditation, break the bone, and suck out the marrow,—that is, my allegorical sense, or the things I to myself propose to be signified by these Pythagorical symbols, with assured hope, that in so doing you will at last attain to be both well-advised and valiant by the reading of them: for in the perusal of this treatise you shall find another kind of taste, and a doctrine of a more profound and abstruse consideration, which will disclose unto you the most glorious sacraments and dreadful mysteries, as well in what concerneth your religion, as matters of the public state, and life economical.
Do you believe, upon your conscience, that Homer, whilst he was a-couching his Iliads and Odysses, had any thought upon those allegories, which Plutarch, Heraclides Ponticus, Eustathius, Cornutus squeezed out of him, and which Politian filched again from them? If you trust it, with neither hand nor foot do you come near to my opinion, which judgeth them to have been as little dreamed of by Homer, as the Gospel sacraments were by Ovid in his Metamorphoses, though a certain gulligut friar (Frere Lubin croquelardon.) and true bacon-picker would have undertaken to prove it, if perhaps he had met with as very fools as himself, (and as the proverb says) a lid worthy of such a kettle.
If you give no credit thereto, why do not you the same in these jovial new chronicles of mine? Albeit when I did dictate them, I thought upon no more than you, who possibly were drinking the whilst as I was. For in the composing of this lordly book, I never lost nor bestowed any more, nor any other time than what was appointed to serve me for taking of my bodily refection, that is, whilst I was eating and drinking. And indeed that is the fittest and most proper hour wherein to write these high matters and deep sciences: as Homer knew very well, the paragon of all philologues, and Ennius, the father of the Latin poets, as Horace calls him, although a certain sneaking jobernol alleged that his verses smelled more of the wine than oil.
So saith a turlupin or a new start-up grub of my books, but a turd for him. The fragrant odour of the wine, O how much more dainty, pleasant, laughing (Riant, priant, friant.), celestial and delicious it is, than that smell of oil! And I will glory as much when it is said of me, that I have spent more on wine than oil, as did Demosthenes, when it was told him, that his expense on oil was greater than on wine. I truly hold it for an honour and praise to be called and reputed a Frolic Gualter and a Robin Goodfellow; for under this name am I welcome in all choice companies of Pantagruelists. It was upbraided to Demosthenes by an envious surly knave, that his Orations did smell like the sarpler or wrapper of a foul and filthy oil-vessel. For this cause interpret you all my deeds and sayings in the perfectest sense; reverence the cheese-like brain that feeds you with these fair billevezees and trifling jollities, and do what lies in you to keep me always merry. Be frolic now, my lads, cheer up your hearts, and joyfully read the rest, with all the ease of your body and profit of your reins. But hearken, joltheads, you viedazes, or dickens take ye, remember to drink a health to me for the like favour again, and I will pledge you instantly, Tout ares-metys.
Rabelais to the Reader.
Good friends, my Readers, who peruse this Book, Be not offended, whilst on it you look: Denude yourselves of all depraved affection, For it contains no badness, nor infection: 'Tis true that it brings forth to you no birth Of any value, but in point of mirth; Thinking therefore how sorrow might your mind Consume, I could no apter subject find; One inch of joy surmounts of grief a span; Because to laugh is proper to the man.
Chapter 1. Of The Genealogy And Antiquity Of Gargantua
I must refer you to the great chronicle of Pantagruel for the knowledge of that genealogy and antiquity of race by which Gargantua is come unto us. In it you may understand more at large how the giants were born in this world, and how from them by a direct line issued Gargantua, the father of Pantagruel: and do not take it ill, if for this time I pass by it, although the subject be such, that the oftener it were remembered, the more it would please your worshipful Seniorias; according to which you have the authority of Plato in Philebo and Gorgias; and of Flaccus, who says that there are some kinds of purposes (such as these are without doubt), which, the frequentlier they be repeated, still prove the more delectable.
Would to God everyone had as certain knowledge of his genealogy since the time of the ark of Noah until this age. I think many are at this day emperors, kings, dukes, princes, and popes on the earth, whose extraction is from some porters and pardon-pedlars; as, on the contrary, many are now poor wandering beggars, wretched and miserable, who are descended of the blood and lineage of great kings and emperors, occasioned, as I conceive it, by the transport and revolution of kingdoms and empires, from the Assyrians to the Medes, from the Medes to the Persians, from the Persians to the Macedonians, from the Macedonians to the Romans, from the Romans to the Greeks, from the Greeks to the French.
And to give you some hint concerning myself, who speaks unto you, I cannot think but I am come of the race of some rich king or prince in former times; for never yet saw you any man that had a greater desire to be a king, and to be rich, than I have, and that only that I may make good cheer, do nothing, nor care for anything, and plentifully enrich my friends, and all honest and learned men. But herein do I comfort myself, that in the other world I shall be so, yea and greater too than at this present I dare wish. As for you, with the same or a better conceit consolate yourselves in your distresses, and drink fresh if you can come by it.
To return to our wethers, I say that by the sovereign gift of heaven, the antiquity and genealogy of Gargantua hath been reserved for our use more full and perfect than any other except that of the Messias, whereof I mean not to speak; for it belongs not unto my purpose, and the devils, that is to say, the false accusers and dissembled gospellers, will therein oppose me. This genealogy was found by John Andrew in a meadow, which he had near the pole-arch, under the olive-tree, as you go to Narsay: where, as he was making cast up some ditches, the diggers with their mattocks struck against a great brazen tomb, and unmeasurably long, for they could never find the end thereof, by reason that it entered too far within the sluices of Vienne. Opening this tomb in a certain place thereof, sealed on the top with the mark of a goblet, about which was written in Etrurian letters Hic Bibitur, they found nine flagons set in such order as they use to rank their kyles in Gascony, of which that which was placed in the middle had under it a big, fat, great, grey, pretty, small, mouldy, little pamphlet, smelling stronger, but no better than roses. In that book the said genealogy was found written all at length, in a chancery hand, not in paper, not in parchment, nor in wax, but in the bark of an elm-tree, yet so worn with the long tract of time, that hardly could three letters together be there perfectly discerned.
I (though unworthy) was sent for thither, and with much help of those spectacles, whereby the art of reading dim writings, and letters that do not clearly appear to the sight, is practised, as Aristotle teacheth it, did translate the book as you may see in your Pantagruelizing, that is to say, in drinking stiffly to your own heart's desire, and reading the dreadful and horrific acts of Pantagruel. At the end of the book there was a little treatise entitled the Antidoted Fanfreluches, or a Galimatia of extravagant conceits. The rats and moths, or (that I may not lie) other wicked beasts, had nibbled off the beginning: the rest I have hereto subjoined, for the reverence I bear to antiquity.
Chapter 2. The Antidoted Fanfreluches: Or, A Galimatia Of Extravagant Conceits Found In An Ancient Monument
No sooner did the Cymbrians' overcomer Pass through the air to shun the dew of summer, But at his coming straight great tubs were fill'd, With pure fresh butter down in showers distill'd: Wherewith when water'd was his grandam, Hey, Aloud he cried, Fish it, sir, I pray y'; Because his beard is almost all beray'd; Or, that he would hold to 'm a scale, he pray'd.
To lick his slipper, some told was much better, Than to gain pardons, and the merit greater. In th' interim a crafty chuff approaches, From the depth issued, where they fish for roaches; Who said, Good sirs, some of them let us save, The eel is here, and in this hollow cave You'll find, if that our looks on it demur, A great waste in the bottom of his fur.
To read this chapter when he did begin, Nothing but a calf's horns were found therein; I feel, quoth he, the mitre which doth hold My head so chill, it makes my brains take cold. Being with the perfume of a turnip warm'd, To stay by chimney hearths himself he arm'd, Provided that a new thill-horse they made Of every person of a hair-brain'd head.
They talked of the bunghole of Saint Knowles, Of Gilbathar and thousand other holes, If they might be reduced t' a scarry stuff, Such as might not be subject to the cough: Since ev'ry man unseemly did it find, To see them gaping thus at ev'ry wind: For, if perhaps they handsomely were closed, For pledges they to men might be exposed.
In this arrest by Hercules the raven Was flayed at her (his) return from Lybia haven. Why am not I, said Minos, there invited? Unless it be myself, not one's omitted: And then it is their mind, I do no more Of frogs and oysters send them any store: In case they spare my life and prove but civil, I give their sale of distaffs to the devil.
To quell him comes Q.B., who limping frets At the safe pass of tricksy crackarets: The boulter, the grand Cyclops' cousin, those Did massacre, whilst each one wiped his nose: Few ingles in this fallow ground are bred, But on a tanner's mill are winnowed. Run thither all of you, th' alarms sound clear, You shall have more than you had the last year.
Short while thereafter was the bird of Jove Resolved to speak, though dismal it should prove; Yet was afraid, when he saw them in ire, They should o'erthrow quite flat down dead th' empire. He rather choosed the fire from heaven to steal, To boats where were red herrings put to sale; Than to be calm 'gainst those, who strive to brave us, And to the Massorets' fond words enslave us.
All this at last concluded gallantly, In spite of Ate and her hern-like thigh, Who, sitting, saw Penthesilea ta'en, In her old age, for a cress-selling quean. Each one cried out, Thou filthy collier toad, Doth it become thee to be found abroad? Thou hast the Roman standard filch'd away, Which they in rags of parchment did display.
Juno was born, who, under the rainbow, Was a-bird-catching with her duck below: When her with such a grievous trick they plied That she had almost been bethwacked by it. The bargain was, that, of that throatful, she Should of Proserpina have two eggs free; And if that she thereafter should be found, She to a hawthorn hill should be fast bound.
Seven months thereafter, lacking twenty-two, He, that of old did Carthage town undo, Did bravely midst them all himself advance, Requiring of them his inheritance; Although they justly made up the division, According to the shoe-welt-law's decision, By distributing store of brews and beef To these poor fellows that did pen the brief.
But th' year will come, sign of a Turkish bow, Five spindles yarn'd, and three pot-bottoms too, Wherein of a discourteous king the dock Shall pepper'd be under an hermit's frock. Ah! that for one she hypocrite you must Permit so many acres to be lost! Cease, cease, this vizard may become another, Withdraw yourselves unto the serpent's brother.
'Tis in times past, that he who is shall reign With his good friends in peace now and again. No rash nor heady prince shall then rule crave, Each good will its arbitrement shall have; And the joy, promised of old as doom To the heaven's guests, shall in its beacon come. Then shall the breeding mares, that benumb'd were, Like royal palfreys ride triumphant there.
And this continue shall from time to time, Till Mars be fetter'd for an unknown crime; Then shall one come, who others will surpass, Delightful, pleasing, matchless, full of grace. Cheer up your hearts, approach to this repast, All trusty friends of mine; for he's deceased, Who would not for a world return again, So highly shall time past be cried up then.
He who was made of wax shall lodge each member Close by the hinges of a block of timber. We then no more shall Master, master, whoot, The swagger, who th' alarum bell holds out; Could one seize on the dagger which he bears, Heads would be free from tingling in the ears, To baffle the whole storehouse of abuses. The thus farewell Apollo and the Muses.
Chapter 3. How Gargantua Was Carried Eleven Months In His Mother's Belly
Grangousier was a good fellow in his time, and notable jester; he loved to drink neat, as much as any man that then was in the world, and would willingly eat salt meat. To this intent he was ordinarily well furnished with gammons of bacon, both of Westphalia, Mayence and Bayonne, with store of dried neat's tongues, plenty of links, chitterlings and puddings in their season; together with salt beef and mustard, a good deal of hard roes of powdered mullet called botargos, great provision of sausages, not of Bolonia (for he feared the Lombard Boccone), but of Bigorre, Longaulnay, Brene, and Rouargue. In the vigour of his age he married Gargamelle, daughter to the King of the Parpaillons, a jolly pug, and well-mouthed wench. These two did oftentimes do the two-backed beast together, joyfully rubbing and frotting their bacon 'gainst one another, in so far, that at last she became great with child of a fair son, and went with him unto the eleventh month; for so long, yea longer, may a woman carry her great belly, especially when it is some masterpiece of nature, and a person predestinated to the performance, in his due time, of great exploits. As Homer says, that the child, which Neptune begot upon the nymph, was born a whole year after the conception, that is, in the twelfth month. For, as Aulus Gellius saith, lib. 3, this long time was suitable to the majesty of Neptune, that in it the child might receive his perfect form. For the like reason Jupiter made the night, wherein he lay with Alcmena, last forty-eight hours, a shorter time not being sufficient for the forging of Hercules, who cleansed the world of the monsters and tyrants wherewith it was suppressed. My masters, the ancient Pantagruelists, have confirmed that which I say, and withal declared it to be not only possible, but also maintained the lawful birth and legitimation of the infant born of a woman in the eleventh month after the decease of her husband. Hypocrates, lib. de alimento. Plinius, lib. 7, cap. 5. Plautus, in his Cistelleria. Marcus Varro, in his satire inscribed The Testament, alleging to this purpose the authority of Aristotle. Censorinus, lib. de die natali. Arist. lib. 7, cap. 3 & 4, de natura animalium. Gellius, lib. 3, cap. 16. Servius, in his exposition upon this verse of Virgil's eclogues, Matri longa decem, &c., and a thousand other fools, whose number hath been increased by the lawyers ff. de suis, et legit l. intestato. paragrapho. fin. and in Auth. de restitut. et ea quae parit in xi mense. Moreover upon these grounds they have foisted in their Robidilardic, or Lapiturolive law. Gallus ff. de lib. et posth. l. sept. ff. de stat. hom., and some other laws, which at this time I dare not name. By means whereof the honest widows may without danger play at the close buttock game with might and main, and as hard as they can, for the space of the first two months after the decease of their husbands. I pray you, my good lusty springal lads, if you find any of these females, that are worth the pains of untying the codpiece-point, get up, ride upon them, and bring them to me; for, if they happen within the third month to conceive, the child should be heir to the deceased, if, before he died, he had no other children, and the mother shall pass for an honest woman.
When she is known to have conceived, thrust forward boldly, spare her not, whatever betide you, seeing the paunch is full. As Julia, the daughter of the Emperor Octavian, never prostituted herself to her belly-bumpers, but when she found herself with child, after the manner of ships, that receive not their steersman till they have their ballast and lading. And if any blame them for this their rataconniculation, and reiterated lechery upon their pregnancy and big-belliedness, seeing beasts, in the like exigent of their fulness, will never suffer the male-masculant to encroach them, their answer will be, that those are beasts, but they are women, very well skilled in the pretty vales and small fees of the pleasant trade and mysteries of superfetation: as Populia heretofore answered, according to the relation of Macrobius, lib. 2. Saturnal. If the devil will not have them to bag, he must wring hard the spigot, and stop the bung-hole.
Chapter 4. How Gargamelle, Being Great With Gargantua, Did Eat A Huge Deal Of Tripes
The occasion and manner how Gargamelle was brought to bed, and delivered of her child, was thus: and, if you do not believe it, I wish your bum-gut fall out and make an escapade. Her bum-gut, indeed, or fundament escaped her in an afternoon, on the third day of February, with having eaten at dinner too many godebillios. Godebillios are the fat tripes of coiros. Coiros are beeves fattened at the cratch in ox-stalls, or in the fresh guimo meadows. Guimo meadows are those that for their fruitfulness may be mowed twice a year. Of those fat beeves they had killed three hundred sixty-seven thousand and fourteen, to be salted at Shrovetide, that in the entering of the spring they might have plenty of powdered beef, wherewith to season their mouths at the beginning of their meals, and to taste their wine the better.
They had abundance of tripes, as you have heard, and they were so delicious, that everyone licked his fingers. But the mischief was this, that, for all men could do, there was no possibility to keep them long in that relish; for in a very short while they would have stunk, which had been an undecent thing. It was therefore concluded, that they should be all of them gulched up, without losing anything. To this effect they invited all the burghers of Sainais, of Suille, of the Roche-Clermaud, of Vaugaudry, without omitting the Coudray, Monpensier, the Gue de Vede, and other their neighbours, all stiff drinkers, brave fellows, and good players at the kyles. The good man Grangousier took great pleasure in their company, and commanded there should be no want nor pinching for anything. Nevertheless he bade his wife eat sparingly, because she was near her time, and that these tripes were no very commendable meat. They would fain, said he, be at the chewing of ordure, that would eat the case wherein it was. Notwithstanding these admonitions, she did eat sixteen quarters, two bushels, three pecks and a pipkin full. O the fair fecality wherewith she swelled, by the ingrediency of such shitten stuff!
After dinner they all went out in a hurl to the grove of the willows, where, on the green grass, to the sound of the merry flutes and pleasant bagpipes, they danced so gallantly, that it was a sweet and heavenly sport to see them so frolic.
Chapter 5. The Discourse Of The Drinkers
Then did they fall upon the chat of victuals and some belly furniture to be snatched at in the very same place. Which purpose was no sooner mentioned, but forthwith began flagons to go, gammons to trot, goblets to fly, great bowls to ting, glasses to ring. Draw, reach, fill, mix, give it me without water. So, my friend, so, whip me off this glass neatly, bring me hither some claret, a full weeping glass till it run over. A cessation and truce with thirst. Ha, thou false fever, wilt thou not be gone? By my figgins, godmother, I cannot as yet enter in the humour of being merry, nor drink so currently as I would. You have catched a cold, gammer? Yea, forsooth, sir. By the belly of Sanct Buff, let us talk of our drink: I never drink but at my hours, like the Pope's mule. And I never drink but in my breviary, like a fair father guardian. Which was first, thirst or drinking? Thirst, for who in the time of innocence would have drunk without being athirst? Nay, sir, it was drinking; for privatio praesupponit habitum. I am learned, you see: Foecundi calices quem non fecere disertum? We poor innocents drink but too much without thirst. Not I truly, who am a sinner, for I never drink without thirst, either present or future. To prevent it, as you know, I drink for the thirst to come. I drink eternally. This is to me an eternity of drinking, and drinking of eternity. Let us sing, let us drink, and tune up our roundelays. Where is my funnel? What, it seems I do not drink but by an attorney? Do you wet yourselves to dry, or do you dry to wet you? Pish, I understand not the rhetoric (theoric, I should say), but I help myself somewhat by the practice. Baste! enough! I sup, I wet, I humect, I moisten my gullet, I drink, and all for fear of dying. Drink always and you shall never die. If I drink not, I am a-ground, dry, gravelled and spent. I am stark dead without drink, and my soul ready to fly into some marsh amongst frogs; the soul never dwells in a dry place, drouth kills it. O you butlers, creators of new forms, make me of no drinker a drinker, a perennity and everlastingness of sprinkling and bedewing me through these my parched and sinewy bowels. He drinks in vain that feels not the pleasure of it. This entereth into my veins,—the pissing tools and urinal vessels shall have nothing of it. I would willingly wash the tripes of the calf which I apparelled this morning. I have pretty well now ballasted my stomach and stuffed my paunch. If the papers of my bonds and bills could drink as well as I do, my creditors would not want for wine when they come to see me, or when they are to make any formal exhibition of their rights to what of me they can demand. This hand of yours spoils your nose. O how many other such will enter here before this go out! What, drink so shallow? It is enough to break both girds and petrel. This is called a cup of dissimulation, or flagonal hypocrisy.
What difference is there between a bottle and a flagon. Great difference; for the bottle is stopped and shut up with a stopple, but the flagon with a vice (La bouteille est fermee a bouchon, et le flaccon a vis.). Bravely and well played upon the words! Our fathers drank lustily, and emptied their cans. Well cacked, well sung! Come, let us drink: will you send nothing to the river? Here is one going to wash the tripes. I drink no more than a sponge. I drink like a Templar knight. And I, tanquam sponsus. And I, sicut terra sine aqua. Give me a synonymon for a gammon of bacon. It is the compulsory of drinkers: it is a pulley. By a pulley-rope wine is let down into a cellar, and by a gammon into the stomach. Hey! now, boys, hither, some drink, some drink. There is no trouble in it. Respice personam, pone pro duos, bus non est in usu. If I could get up as well as I can swallow down, I had been long ere now very high in the air.
