CHAPTER 1
The
Rassendylls—With a Word on the Elphbergs
“I
wonder when in the world you’re going to do anything, Rudolf?”
said my brother’s wife.
“My
dear Rose,” I answered, laying down my egg-spoon, “why in the
world should I do anything? My position is a comfortable one. I have
an income nearly sufficient for my wants (no one’s income is ever
quite sufficient, you know), I enjoy an enviable social position: I
am brother to Lord Burlesdon, and brother-in-law to that charming
lady, his countess. Behold, it is enough!”
“You
are nine-and-twenty,” she observed, “and you’ve done nothing
but—”
“Knock
about? It is true. Our family doesn’t need to do things.”This
remark of mine rather annoyed Rose, for everybody knows (and
therefore there can be no harm in referring to the fact) that, pretty
and accomplished as she herself is, her family is hardly of the same
standing as the Rassendylls. Besides her attractions, she possessed a
large fortune, and my brother Robert was wise enough not to mind
about her ancestry. Ancestry is, in fact, a matter concerning which
the next observation of Rose’s has some truth.
“Good
families are generally worse than any others,” she said.Upon
this I stroked my hair: I knew quite well what she meant.
“I’m
so glad Robert’s is black!” she cried.At
this moment Robert (who rises at seven and works before breakfast)
came in. He glanced at his wife: her cheek was slightly flushed; he
patted it caressingly.
“What’s
the matter, my dear?” he asked.
“She
objects to my doing nothing and having red hair,” said I, in an
injured tone.
“Oh!
of course he can’t help his hair,” admitted Rose.
“It
generally crops out once in a generation,” said my brother. “So
does the nose. Rudolf has got them both.”
“I
wish they didn’t crop out,” said Rose, still flushed.
“I
rather like them myself,” said I, and, rising, I bowed to the
portrait of Countess Amelia.My
brother’s wife uttered an exclamation of impatience.
“I
wish you’d take that picture away, Robert,” said she.
“My
dear!” he cried.
“Good
heavens!” I added.
“Then
it might be forgotten,” she continued.
“Hardly—with
Rudolf about,” said Robert, shaking his head.
“Why
should it be forgotten?” I asked.
“Rudolf!”
exclaimed my brother’s wife, blushing very prettily.I
laughed, and went on with my egg. At least I had shelved the question
of what (if anything) I ought to do. And, by way of closing the
discussion—and also, I must admit, of exasperating my strict little
sister-in-law a trifle more—I observed:
“I
rather like being an Elphberg myself.”When
I read a story, I skip the explanations; yet the moment I begin to
write one, I find that I must have an explanation. For it is manifest
that I must explain why my sister-in-law was vexed with my nose and
hair, and why I ventured to call myself an Elphberg. For eminent as,
I must protest, the Rassendylls have been for many generations, yet
participation in their blood of course does not, at first sight,
justify the boast of a connection with the grander stock of the
Elphbergs or a claim to be one of that Royal House. For what
relationship is there between Ruritania and Burlesdon, between the
Palace at Strelsau or the Castle of Zenda and Number 305 Park Lane,
W.?Well
then—and I must premise that I am going, perforce, to rake up the
very scandal which my dear Lady Burlesdon wishes forgotten—in the
year 1733, George II. sitting then on the throne, peace reigning for
the moment, and the King and the Prince of Wales being not yet at
loggerheads, there came on a visit to the English Court a certain
prince, who was afterwards known to history as Rudolf the Third of
Ruritania. The prince was a tall, handsome young fellow, marked
(maybe marred, it is not for me to say) by a somewhat unusually long,
sharp and straight nose, and a mass of dark-red hair—in fact, the
nose and the hair which have stamped the Elphbergs time out of mind.
He stayed some months in England, where he was most courteously
received; yet, in the end, he left rather under a cloud. For he
fought a duel (it was considered highly well bred of him to waive all
question of his rank) with a nobleman, well known in the society of
the day, not only for his own merits, but as the husband of a very
beautiful wife. In that duel Prince Rudolf received a severe wound,
and, recovering therefrom, was adroitly smuggled off by the
Ruritanian ambassador, who had found him a pretty handful. The
nobleman was not wounded in the duel; but the morning being raw and
damp on the occasion of the meeting, he contracted a severe chill,
and, failing to throw it off, he died some six months after the
departure of Prince Rudolf, without having found leisure to adjust
his relations with his wife—who, after another two months, bore an
heir to the title and estates of the family of Burlesdon. This lady
was the Countess Amelia, whose picture my sister-in-law wished to
remove from the drawing-room in Park Lane; and her husband was James,
fifth Earl of Burlesdon and twenty-second Baron Rassendyll, both in
the peerage of England, and a Knight of the Garter. As for Rudolf, he
went back to Ruritania, married a wife, and ascended the throne,
whereon his progeny in the direct line have sat from then till this
very hour—with one short interval. And, finally, if you walk
through the picture galleries at Burlesdon, among the fifty portraits
or so of the last century and a half, you will find five or six,
including that of the sixth earl, distinguished by long, sharp,
straight noses and a quantity of dark-red hair; these five or six
have also blue eyes, whereas among the Rassendylls dark eyes are the
commoner.That
is the explanation, and I am glad to have finished it: the blemishes
on honourable lineage are a delicate subject, and certainly this
heredity we hear so much about is the finest scandalmonger in the
world; it laughs at discretion, and writes strange entries between
the lines of the “Peerages”.It
will be observed that my sister-in-law, with a want of logic that
must have been peculiar to herself (since we are no longer allowed to
lay it to the charge of her sex), treated my complexion almost as an
offence for which I was responsible, hastening to assume from that
external sign inward qualities of which I protest my entire
innocence; and this unjust inference she sought to buttress by
pointing to the uselessness of the life I had led. Well, be that as
it may, I had picked up a good deal of pleasure and a good deal of
knowledge. I had been to a German school and a German university, and
spoke German as readily and perfectly as English; I was thoroughly at
home in French; I had a smattering of Italian and enough Spanish to
swear by. I was, I believe, a strong, though hardly fine swordsman
and a good shot. I could ride anything that had a back to sit on; and
my head was as cool a one as you could find, for all its flaming
cover. If you say that I ought to have spent my time in useful
labour, I am out of Court and have nothing to say, save that my
parents had no business to leave me two thousand pounds a year and a
roving disposition.
“The
difference between you and Robert,” said my sister-in-law, who
often (bless her!) speaks on a platform, and oftener still as if she
were on one, “is that he recognizes the duties of his position, and
you see the opportunities of yours.”
“To
a man of spirit, my dear Rose,” I answered, “opportunities are
duties.”
“Nonsense!”
said she, tossing her head; and after a moment she went on: “Now,
here’s Sir Jacob Borrodaile offering you exactly what you might be
equal to.”
“A
thousand thanks!” I murmured.
“He’s
to have an Embassy in six months, and Robert says he is sure that
he’ll take you as an attache. Do take it, Rudolf—to please me.”Now,
when my sister-in-law puts the matter in that way, wrinkling her
pretty brows, twisting her little hands, and growing wistful in the
eyes, all on account of an idle scamp like myself, for whom she has
no natural responsibility, I am visited with compunction. Moreover, I
thought it possible that I could pass the time in the position
suggested with some tolerable amusement. Therefore I said:
“My
dear sister, if in six months’ time no unforeseen obstacle has
arisen, and Sir Jacob invites me, hang me if I don’t go with Sir
Jacob!”
“Oh,
Rudolf, how good of you! I am glad!”
“Where’s
he going to?”
“He
doesn’t know yet; but it’s sure to be a good Embassy.”
“Madame,”
said I, “for your sake I’ll go, if it’s no more than a beggarly
Legation. When I do a thing, I don’t do it by halves.”My
promise, then, was given; but six months are six months, and seem an
eternity, and, inasmuch as they stretched between me and my
prospective industry (I suppose attaches are industrious; but I know
not, for I never became attache to Sir Jacob or anybody else), I cast
about for some desirable mode of spending them. And it occurred to me
suddenly that I would visit Ruritania. It may seem strange that I had
never visited that country yet; but my father (in spite of a sneaking
fondness for the Elphbergs, which led him to give me, his second son,
the famous Elphberg name of Rudolf) had always been averse from my
going, and, since his death, my brother, prompted by Rose, had
accepted the family tradition which taught that a wide berth was to
be given to that country. But the moment Ruritania had come into my
head I was eaten up with a curiosity to see it. After all, red hair
and long noses are not confined to the House of Elphberg, and the old
story seemed a preposterously insufficient reason for debarring
myself from acquaintance with a highly interesting and important
kingdom, one which had played no small part in European history, and
might do the like again under the sway of a young and vigorous ruler,
such as the new King was rumoured to be. My determination was
clinched by reading in
The Times that
Rudolf the Fifth was to be crowned at Strelsau in the course of the
next three weeks, and that great magnificence was to mark the
occasion. At once I made up my mind to be present, and began my
preparations. But, inasmuch as it has never been my practice to
furnish my relatives with an itinerary of my journeys and in this
case I anticipated opposition to my wishes, I gave out that I was
going for a ramble in the Tyrol—an old haunt of mine—and
propitiated Rose’s wrath by declaring that I intended to study the
political and social problems of the interesting community which
dwells in that neighbourhood.
“Perhaps,”
I hinted darkly, “there may be an outcome of the expedition.”
“What
do you mean?” she asked.
“Well,”
said I carelessly, “there seems a gap that might be filled by an
exhaustive work on—”
“Oh!
will you write a book?” she cried, clapping her hands. “That
would be splendid, wouldn’t it, Robert?”
“It’s
the best of introductions to political life nowadays,” observed my
brother, who has, by the way, introduced himself in this manner
several times over.
Burlesdon on Ancient Theories and Modern Facts
and The Ultimate
Outcome, by a Political Student,
are both works of recognized eminence.
“I
believe you are right, Bob, my boy,” said I.
“Now
promise you’ll do it,” said Rose earnestly.
“No,
I won’t promise; but if I find enough material, I will.”
“That’s
fair enough,” said Robert.
“Oh,
material doesn’t matter!” she said, pouting.But
this time she could get no more than a qualified promise out of me.
To tell the truth, I would have wagered a handsome sum that the story
of my expedition that summer would stain no paper and spoil not a
single pen. And that shows how little we know what the future holds;
for here I am, fulfilling my qualified promise, and writing, as I
never thought to write, a book—though it will hardly serve as an
introduction to political life, and has not a jot to do with the
Tyrol.Neither
would it, I fear, please Lady Burlesdon, if I were to submit it to
her critical eye—a step which I have no intention of taking.