Why Compromise Your Soul? E-Book

Toy High

• Herausgeber: BookRix
• Kategorie: Poesie und Drama
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2015

Beschreibung

Dramatic, riveting, touching, exciting, thought provoking, rich, compelling, page turner, serious, sincere, emotional, jaw dropping, truth, non-factional, deep, dichotomy, daring when all is said and done! The hurt and the pain, the lies and the deceit! The truth that must be faced one way or the other. One will learn one way or the other! The adjectives that describe the short storied filled book! 

Leseprobe

Toy High

Why Compromise Your Soul?

I dedicate this book to my family! The wonderful High's! I see no other way! There has been different components that each and everyone of my family has brought into my life. Eye opening experiences! Life, mistakes, lessons, growth! I have learned so much from each and everyone of them! I love my family because I love the feeling and idea of love. Giving, tears, laughs good times and bad times we stick together and love each other to no avail. I love all of you to life! Though some maywant to change the ups and downs, I could not and would not have it any other way. There is no way that I could not have been the person that I am if it were not for mylifes situations. I see things in a perception all my own. And this has made me the visionary and writer that I am today! Ethel High & Wyman High my parents, La Shone L. High, my sister. Amber Etoy High & Genesis High MY daughters. Lavonte High "Chu Chu" Noah & Autumn High my nephews & niece! Love you all to life! My hearts! BookRix GmbH & Co. KG81371 Munich

copyright

Copyright © 2015

copyrighted.com

All rights reserved. No part of the book may be

reproduced in any form, except for the inclusion

of brief quotations in a review without permission

in writing from the author/publisher.

All material is by the author, Toy High in affiliation with Just Toy Written Expressions. Any reproduction of this work all violators will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law!

All material short stories i.e poems are production is of works of fiction. All characters, names, incidents organizations, or dialogue in these bodies of work are purely coincidental and are products of the writer's imagination

Book cover illustrations by Toy High, updated by Genesis High

Acknowledgments & Thank You's

I would indeed like to thank the Creator first for giving me such vision, feeling, emotion and creativity! For opening a door with inside of me that is compelled to tell stories of fiction and faction and mix it up and be thought-provoking and compelling! Thanks are to Him and all the talents He has blessed me with indeed! My purpose! All Thanks and reverence to the Almighty God!

I would also like to thank Barnes & Noble, Amazon, Google, and Book Rix! Wow! Thank you so much! For you, I am so grateful! Many many cups run over for my gratitude and this fabulous opportunity to be noticed!

I have to thank my editor who is also my Chief Editor of On My Grind Magazine for editing and proofreading my work! My daughter Genesis High! Thank you!! Love you!! Big hugs and mommy kisses that I give to you because you have always been a loyal supporter of my work and my writing a book! Thank you and love you! Thank you for pushing me towards my vision and also for including me in all of your fabulous business efforts and for giving me the opportunity to be Contributing Writer, Sr. Editor & Photographer for On My Grind Magazine!

There have been so many that have assisted me and encouraged me throughout my long journey in this creative diatribe that is called writing. Some of those people are no longer in my life but have played a huge part in my journey and I would still like to thank them and pay them reverence! Matthew Loatman, Ayanna Mitchell, Quentyn Redmond, Babu, Derrick Davis, Joey Battle, Darlene Dodson, Michelle Dobson, and the man I call my play Dad, Reginald Williams! I thank you all for reading listening and giving me you wholly, your support and encouragement!! xoxox

To my family!!! Wow!!! The love and the deep emotional ties of joys and growing pains. Wisdom, knowledge, and compassion are the matriarch; My mother Ethel High! Mommy, there are no words that can express the depth of love I have for you!

My father! The strongest man I know on earth! You encourage me by your actions to be tough and push through no matter what! Be a soldier!! And complaining gets you nowhere! I love you, daddy! You are indeed my number one hero!

To my two wonderful simply beautiful daughters that have brought me so much joy and unconditional love! And have been the very best daughters a mommy could ever have! The best of friends, lean on my shoulders, support me, love me no matter what, constructive criticism, and go through it with their mom! I love you two so much!! And I always will, I love you two to life! Amber High & Genesis High! My babies! Thank you for always being there and loving me! xoxoxox

TABLE OF CONTENTS

The Soul Keeper ~ Preface

Well???....What About What??? (poem)

How Did I lose My Soul? (short story)

Sleep Makes You Weak (poem)

My Soul Don't Have No Self Esteem (short story)

Vanity Is Who She Is (poem)

First Your Shame Then Your Soul (short story)

The Intervention of My Soul ~ Prologue

THE SOUL KEEPER~PREFACE

So what if I gave it to you? All of what you see...all of what you can imagine in this world. What if I could give it allll to you?” I looked over at this strange yet odd-looking man. He had a convincing way of speaking. As if he could give me what he was offering. I looked over and out at the city's beautiful view. I drove up to my getaway spot. Some called it “Lovers Lane” However, it was a place I would come and chill at. Get my thoughts together. This strange man had walked up beside me and started talking. Our conversation flowed. Me telling him what I wanted, what my dreams and goals were. Money, fame, all of that. And he says he can give it to me. Or shall I say ask me what if he could give it to me. I looked him in his eyes.

“First of all daydreaming is fine. But no one. I do mean no one can offer nor give me what I truly desire.” I shook my head and chuckled looking back towards the view in front of me. The sun was starting to set.

“I can give it to you. I am telling you. I just need to know what would you do to get it?” I turned back around and looked him square in the eye.

“You are not going to give up are you?” He shook his head no.

“First let me warn you....you must take what you say, feel and think seriously. Because this is real. Think before you speak. Because so it is and so it will be.” He gave me a wide smile. He was serious, and he was warning me to take this seriously. Okay...okay. I will play this game right. I felt in my soul he was serious. Very serious. The warning I felt...... I ignored.

“Okay...well let me ask you something. Can you give me a few examples? You know.. what I would need to do? Give you to get what I want?”

“You may want to sacrifice someone you really love in your life. Give them to me. Of course not right away. However, after your success, they will die and belong to me.”

“That person will belong to you?” I said in a smart tone.

“Yes”

“Even though they have no idea or haven't agreed to any of this silly game we are playing? How does that work?” I shrugged my shoulders. This man was off the chain! Playing some malicious evil villain.

“It works because nobody wants to see or experience someone close to them dying. That person's soul will be mine so that you can have the world and then some! Well, you will live with that for the rest of your life. But remember! I can give you all that you want. You can sacrifice your family... that is... if you like. He smiled deviously. That gave me chills. You must first give someone you love. . You must also know that there may be times when you will have to do things for me to keep your wealth and fame. You will always be indebted to me.”

“Okay...now that I have a better understanding. I believe that I can do this. My brother is slowly dying, and we all know this. There have been times that my family and myself have wanted him dead because of all the pain he has been in most of his life. He is barely existing.”

“So you would give up your brother? Someone, you love? For wealth and fame...your brother...hmm....are you sure?” He looked at me.

“Yeah, I am sure. We are so tired and worn out by his sickliness.”

“Or is it that you are tired of him yourself? I mean you hate your brother at times don't you? You hate that he has gotten all of the attention and you haven't! Your brother has always been sickly. However, I can't take your brother, because you don't love him. I need someone you truly love.” How did this?...... How did this man just.....he was right...I didn't love my brother...this was crazy! He was telling me my feelings, what was and had been in my heart for years! But I had to keep engaging him. Back and forth in this sick game of his. It felt like I had no choice but to continue.

“A person I love huh?”

“You could say I see, feel and hear things that happen in this world we live in. So who do you love?” He got back on the subject really quickly.

“I love my wife.”

“You would give her up? I mean you can get a new wife...that will not be hard to do... I mean look, you will be a powerful man when I am done and can have any woman, man, little boys. Whatever you want!”

“What?!” Again...how did he know that I?....that I...sad to say, fantasized about being with young boys?

“All of your fetishes and desires you will not have to keep a secret! You can do whatever you want! So what will it be? Come on time is wasting!” Who was this man? Why was he taking this game so far? I started to feel strange and got an eerie scared for your life feeling all in my bones. My second warning! Was someone playing a joke on me? Were there cameras hidden around me? This was a joke right? Or this man was a complete whack mental case off-the-chain individual! I was ready to leave, but my feet stayed stuck! I couldn't get up! And I felt I needed to tell the truth. Give him an answer. Plus he knew too much about me. That alone terrified me!

“I love my wife.”

“Yesssss.....yessss....yes you do... I can see it in your eyes! He nodded his head and rubbed his chin. A gleam came in his eyes. Though I have not experienced love, given love, or do I have a need to be loved or long for it. I see and know when love is present. I have been around love. You love her...soooo …. he rubbed his hands together. Are you okay with giving your wife up? And when I come to you, you will do my bidding?” He looked me dead in my eyes and our eyes locked and I could not move my eyes away even when I tried. I now knew this game...this game was real! I felt it in my spirit! It all became clear, real, dimensional.... ...evil powers! I had now sold my soul. What the hell did I get myself into? I had heard about stories and read stories of voodoo and witchcraft. Were those things really true? Right now! ….It indeed felt like it!

“Wait!”

“There is no wait!!! His voice echoed in the air! And I felt a deep hard chill an empty feeling enter my body and then wrap itself around me. I felt a tugging in my chest, stomach, and heart at the same time. He smiled hard and laughed! And his laugh echoed in the air. What the hell did I just do??? What the hell did I fukn do!!!

“It is done! You will find your growth in life immediately! Those business ideas you have? Put them to work. Go to your bank, the loan is yours! I will be visiting you here and there. Guiding you, leading you! You will be wealthy, wanted, and famous. And your wife, your wife belongs to me. I will let you know when it is time.” And he walked away...seemingly disappearing from me like a shadow and vapor. In thin air! I experienced a deep hard shiver! I felt empty, I felt an eerie coldness enter and surround me. Was I dreaming?

I had failed, I had failed myself! How and why would I say, my wife? I loved my wife! Oh my God!! Oh my God, what did I do??!!!

I was open and fell open to something that was a force of nature! Even when I didn't want to play this silly game of a conversation. And tried to even walk away I couldn't! I spoke...I answered him... I said what I wanted. I wanted my own business, work for myself, be famous in the world, and be a billionaire! I said that! I was daydreaming, talking about my great ideas and my business savvy. Wishing for the big grand things! The things you wish when you are a kid! I wanted to be rich. Instead, I said wealthy and also famous. I was talking to what I thought was a stranger who had engaged me in conversation as we sat on the bench overlooking the city. What made this now evil man who didn't look evil or have any evil appearance about him come to me? Did he seek me out? Did someone send him to me? How did he know where I lived? My ideas? The no's I had gotten by the banks. My inner secrets no one knew! How? I was trying to make sense of it all!

I walked back to the bench and didn't realize...and yet realized at the same time what I had done. I was now in fear a huge unshakable fear! Of my future and my life! I had invited a lot of heartbreak in my life at this very instant! And one heartache I knew about! My wife. I had no idea what was to become of me.

When I woke up I was damp, covered with light morning dew. The sun was shining brightly and I was getting up from laying on the park bench. I was sore and stiff from sleeping on the bench. And how is it that I slept here? The police didn't tolerate overnight parking or homelessness of any kind at this park. Yet my car was still parked alone in the parking lot. And I had awakened up from some deep sleep I had no knowledge of! I don't remember falling asleep. I don't even remember feeling sleepy or dozing. I stood up and stretched, damn! My body ached and so did my head! I had to really stretch out! Did I? Was this?... ...And just as I had stood up...I heard, “No it was not a dream.” I quickly turned around. But no one was there.......

WELL??? …..WHAT ABOUT WHAT???

My soul, he made me forget about my soul.

Supercagafragilistic dopeness he delivered when he walked into the room

Hearts desire as I slid slide and glided.

He made me forget...

The sweet sticky stuff that falls on the ground accidentally because it is from small leftovers. That is who he was.

Back arched as I walked away, giving him shoulder because I forgot about my soul.

He was sweetness and savory of some theory I was coming up with in my head. Like something really deep, like Chinese arithmetic and algebra times calculus. He was brilliant! I could feel his vibe and his high from across the room.

What about my soul?

His richness, the depth of his smile arose waves of angst in the pit of my stomach. I had to walk away. He, he was like the rumba in salsa...I could smell his cologne from here...pheromones kicking in overtime.

His eyes lit up like atmospheres and unknown moons and suns of past lives that lived like kings who loved queens like me. He recognized it when he looked at me.

Though I ask, what about my soul?

The connection deep like sharing a bowl of green homegrown. Getting high and higher where we now can taste each other's thoughts. We sniff in bits and smile in shifts. The congas playing in the background. This was a chick flick movie. We, he, she us me drawn...

My soul...

Our breaths touched each other, they engulfed and wrapped around each other before we even spoke. His voice ringing, playing, moving, running inside my body. He was high...and she was high and when we talked it was like music! He, me us we inhaling each other and getting high and drunk in the words of charm, flirt, intellect, heat we did that!

He was somebody's baby daddy who got away and now I would cherish the day because our spirits are one and right now I am drooling honey and it's falling into my lap. Some of that sweet sticky stuff on the bottom of your shoe that is a small leftover. Because you savor all the brilliant flavors. He spoiled me already just by looking and talking to me.

But where is my soul?

I ….we...well we connected and it was us and now I am one, one with his passion and so sprung that I drank his love deeply and what is left I am sure to lick up along the way. His fiery tones and warm assets are a gift to my soul...yeah my soul...he cares and loves and it's like coke meeting a pipe for the first time. The high is so unreal!

Our us and we he she me got along in deep overwhelming capacity. We loved hard and we passioned hard-throwing us in the wind saying,” You only live life once.”

Yet I still say and how could I forget...

What about my soul?

“Just Toy”

Written Expressions

5/2014

HOW DID I LOSE MY SOUL?

WHO I AM

I woke up looking over at my wife. Her breathing was steady and beautiful. However, I am so miserable in my married life. Me, Darius Mosley. I loathe and detest the life that I am leading. A double life it seems that I cover up and aspire daily to live in its full capacity. A life now that has become my normal.

I love my beautiful wife. Any man would be thankful and blessed to have! We've known each other since we were twelve and thirteen. Growing up I would have never thought we would be married and with children. Twins, Paris and Paul. Never would I have even thunk it! It was in college when I returned to visit my parents that Chelsea and myself got deep. We were always best friends. Kept in contact via letters, emails, texts, and a few phone calls here and there. But it was that visit that I saw Chelsea for the first time truly. Like a ray of sunshine from a stormy day! After two years of dating, and long-distance romance we were engaged and then married. I married the love of my life!

At the same time, I was having conflicting feelings. When I was in high school I had become more aware, or should I say that my attractions were taking a turn. I was attracted to the same sex. Men. I thought boys were sexy and beautiful. Though I had never ever been with a man or a boy in high school or college. I was equally attracted to them as I was to women. However I never spoke about it, no one knew my secret.

Here I am lying in bed with my wife, thinking of last night. A beautiful night of romance, seduction, and love. And I am also thinking of the man I had met two nights before. Wishing that he was here with me. Wishing that he, my wife and myself could have all been enjoying one another. No, we never had sex, never kissed each other, or touched each other. But I knew he was a gay man. And he knew that I was attracted to men. I was deeply conflicted! I was deeply involved in two worlds! Being married to my wife for five years, altogether seven years. And yes, there are men that are faithful! I had not ever cheated on my wife, however, it feels as if I am coming close to doing the horrible deed.

Over the past few months, my curiosity and desires have been getting stronger and stronger. I have been to some crazy places! Respectable and not so respectable places that gay men, bisexual men, and men with odd fetishes go to. It first started with me viewing gay porn on my phone. I couldn't take any chances of looking at it on my laptop or desktop at home. In fear that my wife may walk in or pull up this madness on the computer. I didn't rent or buy books or magazines. I was smart! I couldn't get caught. However, watching so much porn on my cellphone had become boring. I watched porn on my breaks from work. I watched it when my wife cooked when she was gone shopping or hanging out with her family or friends. I would and could watch it for hours! Gay porn was a huge teaser, and I soon craved more!

I found out where they showed gay porn. A small theater in a part of the city they called “Boys Town” was where gay men would hang out. Eat, party, go to bars, clubs, stores, and so on. I was always scared to go and venture there in fear of course of being caught. Soon I let those inhibitions go. I went to Boys Town at night. The night I had chosen to go always was worked in a schedule. My wife and I were very close to our friends and family. So there would be times my wife would take the kids away for the weekend and drive up and see my parents who lived an hour and a half away. So being gone for the weekend gave me two nights of lust and want. My curiosity would get quenched even more at these times. The first time I went into a gay theater and watched porn. I was shocked that men were kissing each other inside the theater, giving each other oral sex, and masturbating!! This was a world that was brand new! Exciting and inviting and had blown my head in so many words. I craved going to the theater so I could watch the men and not the gay porn itself. So when it was basketball season. There were times I told my wife that I was going to the sports bar and meet my co-workers and watch the game. My wife was clueless of course. When going to Boys Town I would wear dark glasses and a hat. So that I would not be noticed. I parked my car far away from Boys Town and took the green-mile walk to my desirous destination. Exhilarated in the thoughts of what I was to see!

Soon after a month went by of going to the movie theaters. I discovered there was a gay adult toy and book store. In this store in the back, there was a huge room that had peep shows. There were twenty private booths you could go into. I had never been to a peep show a day in my life! A strip club that catered to men with women dancing and stripping. But never this, a private booth! So this temptation of sorts and curious nature that I had had my nose wide open!

The peep show was truly intense!! There were men behind a glass casing that had the prettiest bodies you could ever want to see! These men were sexy, well some. Because some of them looked as if they were hung over, drug-induced, or a lil of both. I recall getting a show at one time where I saw the needle tracks in the arm of a man. And I got the feeling he was not doing this because he was gay, but because he was at his wit's ends and this provided a little bit of money to assist in getting his next fix. That being said, when I would get these types. I would walk out of the booth and find another booth to go to. I could dream, fantasize and masturbate in a private booth! And no one knew my secret but God!

It was at these times that my want and lust for men would overwhelm me and I was so turned on by them. I would still walk away empty! Like I needed to still get off! So when I got home I would make love to my wife. Playing over and over in my head what I had just experienced. A man that had turned me on so much, a man that I couldn't have. I had to feel the flesh, a connection of sorts. So this is where my wife came into play. I was and still am very attracted to my wife in many ways. Sexually, emotionally, physically, and more! My wife was many women for me in one! If she were not then I would have never married her!

Peep shows had become life for me. I had gone for three months straight! However, the curiosity bug kicked in again and I started going to gay bars and meeting men. I watched how open and comfortable they were with each other.  I felt like I stood out like a sore thumb. Like a deer caught in the headlights! I looked curious, scared, down low, and married with children. It took a while before I could carry on a conversation with a man in the bar. Yes, men hit on me, but I would turn away from their advances. I got in close with the bartenders and at first, made conversation with them. Soon I loved the attention the men gave me. I loved them flirting with me. I also loved flirting back. So now here I was going to the bars and the peep shows. Though I was tempted to go home with a few and take their numbers and get to know them. I held back on it. I was scared!