612 E-Book

Lilli J Wettke

• Herausgeber: BoD - Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Poesie und Drama
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024

Seitenzahl: 81

Beschreibung

For those, who want to grow. Sometimes you have to look back, to recognize the string that keeps you in the past. It often takes time, to find a pair of scissors, but when you succeed, then it is the greatest proof of courage, to cut the thread. Philosophical and poetic encounters with myself and life.

Leseprobe

Contents

Introduction

Mesmerizing, alluring, dazzling

-Nostalgia

-A time travel

-Romanticised

-Two opposites hugging

-Stone-soft

-Urbanized nature

-Master of change

-Perfection

-A stranger

-The clouds in my head

People change, but some were never good

-Putting a spin on stolen wealth

-A lapidary meaningfulness

-The calm before the storm

-Were you worth it?

-Rebellion

-16/10/2027

-Empty phrases

L is for love

-Elements of love

- The fire motive – wooden puppet turn yourself

-An evening at the beach

- A letter

- Do you still think, or do you already feel?

-Cursed

eloquent

-Do I understand that right?

-Optimistic philanthropy, but…

-The blindness of being able to see

-Butterfly effect

-Language is a playground for the rich

-Substance

- Thought thoughtless thoughts

-The complexity of being complex

A curse worth envying

-Pretty stones

-Caught in between two worlds

To be seen metaphorically

-Stolen wealth

-Roses have thorns

-I don’t know

-Colouring the sky

-Survival and Death

-Arrogant

Words, many of them, my heart, my soul

-Antithetically

-Words

-From me for you

Of what I left behind

-Everything is great!

-Parched

-Do I love you?

-Prism of fairness

-Dreams, a portal to one’s soul

Acknowledgements

About the author

For those, who want to grow. Sometimes you have to look back, to recognise the string that keeps you in the past. It often takes time, to find a pair of scissors, but when you succeed, then it is the greatest proof of courage, to cut the thread.

For those whom I love. Here's to a wonderful future together.

Encounters with a stranger- a self-reflection

I find it difficult to write about myself.

I mean clear words, unpoetic, unambiguous, clear words, no cryptic allusions.

Poetry gives me a protective shield behind whose ambiguity and individuality I can hide, cower behind, because each individual person interprets my works in a different way, based on their own experiences, values and views. In my poetry I often turn my innermost self outwards, but in a way that leaves a lot of room for interpretation. At the end of my texts my deepest feelings often lie unprotected, but this is only recognizable to me. I am honest, brutally honest. Anyone who reads my texts has a free view of the landscapes of my soul, but some will see a sea, others a hilly landscape, others a big city.

It is hard for me to write down clear words about myself on paper, and I don't know if this is because I barely know myself, or because I know myself too well. Sometimes everything in me cries out to show me as I really am, but then I think about it, weigh up the consequences, and choose poetry.

Sometimes everything in me cries out to show me as I really am, but then I realize that I'm not just one person, I'm many people, there's no blueprint for people because we're so complex that there's not just the one reality of our personality.

I think I get to know myself in a whole new manner every day.

Every day I'm me, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm me in the same way I was the day before.

I think with each day that we get older we acquire new views and new facets. We get to know ourselves and the world in a new way and learn to look at everything from a new perspective. Today I am the Lilli I am today; but also who I was yesterday and who I was three years ago are still a part of me.

These parts are views that influence, shape and strengthen my personality, they are experiences, feelings and perspectives that shape my view of the world, my opinions and my existence.

I consider myself an extremely self-reflected person who knows herself fairly well, because I am one of the few people who actually takes the time to understand me. Just because I am me does not mean that I can always understand my feelings and actions at first sight. I feel them, I carry them out, yet they are partly as surprising to me as they are to the rest of civilization.

I have learned to take the time to understand myself, to feel and validate my feelings, and to adjust how I deal with them to how I perceive them as healthy and good. I accept each of my feelings, take a look at them and not hold onto them. I let them go, let them fly like a bird. If they stay, I greed them with open arms, if they leave me, I let them go.

Having realizations about myself in my head is not always a nice feeling, but it is a positive one throughout, because it means that through my self-understanding I can validate my emotions, and learn to deal with them.

I find it much harder to reflect outside of my head, because it is tied to factors outside of myself, to factors that I am unable to control.

Even though I accept myself on the full emotional spectrum, it is also deeply ingrained in my mind that other people judge me. I have always been used to being judged, which is why it is always too difficult for me to dismiss this worry. Before I speak a truth about myself that is not lapidary, that makes me potentially vulnerable, a fear of indescribable strength that is difficult to master and that I am not always able to overcome appears in me.

Still, when I finally force myself to carry my innermost-self outwards, when I hear the words that once formed in my head outspoken, it is both an incredibly captivating and an incredibly liberating feeling for me, it is the expression of boundless beauty, because it means trust.

When I talk to a person about things that make me myself, about my feelings, about my undisclosed qualities, about my ideas, desires and dreams, that is probably the greatest proof of my love and my trust that I can give.

I only get those concessions from the people where my heart says it feels right. What matters is not how long, or how well I already know the person, but how secure I feel with them. To all those, who have already seen my tears, to all whom I have dreamed openly, to all before whose eyes I have also talked about unrealistic things, to all whom I have let hug me; I love you! You mean the world to me and now you know how important you are to me.

When I express my thoughts and feelings in the form of words, it is both an incredibly captivating and an incredibly liberating feeling for me.

On the one hand, my words became an irreversible reality from the second they left my mouth, crossed the threshold of my lips, and on the other hand, they finally became an irreversible, heard reality.

Not only do I hear them, but also other people. Never again will these words, these insights about myself belong solely to me. At the same time, I find this incredibly frightening and liberating.

It is not only the fact that I hear my statement spoken out loud for the first time, but also that others do the same. I am unable to undo their hearing, and I cannot influence their reaction, but what I can do is trust. I can trust that I will encounter love and kindness, that I will be understood, and maybe with myself I can inspire others.

I can hear other perspectives, and I can like them, or dislike them, but I always broaden my perspective, my horizon, in every way. I am unable to make sure that other people’s views of me will not change, but who says that changes just have to be negative? I cannot control how their thoughts about what I said begin to form.

Furthermore, if I’m honest with myself, I know that this is constantly the case anyway. Every day, we are all different people, and perceive each other in different ways. One sentence I say, which may seem perfectly lapidary to me, can completely change another person’s view of me, and the world moves on.

What I want to say is that we have no control over how people see us, or don’t see us, no matter how much we open up or hide ourselves, so we can calmly give ourselves the chance to be healthy and open with ourselves, and not cower behind a wall of lapidary.

Let’s just start being ourselves and show our true faces to the world.

I believe the strongest form of my engagement with myself is my writing.

This is probably also where my fear of putting my innermost self on paper comes from, because through my ink on the paper of my notebook it becomes not only real but also eternal. It becomes eternal and above all much more personal, because my words are all I have. My words are my art, my words are my soul, my words are my home, my words are my heart, and my words are my being.

Although it is incredibly difficult for me to put on the pen, to let the ink sink into the paper, even though I sometimes fear it, it is at the same time probably the most important thing I have ever done. By formulating the thoughts that are in my head into words, I force myself to give them structure. I force myself to arrange them and thus let them unfold to their full potential.

I think my writing is the highest form of my self-acceptance.

People change other people.

That is general.

But some people change other people more than others do.

Once when I stood in front of a mirror,

I saw a stranger looking back.

I was not looking at myself.

That was not me.

I was changed, and I was taken from me.