An Ideal Husband
An Ideal HusbandTHE PERSONS OF THE PLAYTHE SCENES OF THE PLAYFIRST ACTSECOND ACTTHIRD ACTFOURTH ACTCopyright
An Ideal Husband
Oscar Wilde
THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY
THE EARL OF CAVERSHAM, K.G.VISCOUNT GORING, his SonSIR ROBERT CHILTERN, Bart., Under-Secretary for Foreign
AffairsVICOMTE DE NANJAC, Attaché at the French Embassy in
LondonMR. MONTFORDMASON, Butler to Sir Robert ChilternPHIPPS, Lord Goring’s ServantJAMES }HAROLD } FootmenLADY CHILTERNLADY MARKBYTHE COUNTESS OF BASILDONMRS. MARCHMONTMISS MABEL CHILTERN, Sir Robert Chiltern’s
SisterMRS. CHEVELEY
THE SCENES OF THE PLAY
Act I. The Octagon Room in Sir Robert
Chiltern’s House in Grosvenor Square.Act II. Morning-room in Sir Robert
Chiltern’s House.Act III. The Library of Lord Goring’s
House in Curzon Street.Act IV. Same as Act
II.Time:The PresentPlace:London.The action of the play is completed within twenty-four
hours.
FIRST ACT
SCENEThe octagon room at Sir Robert Chiltern’s house in
Grosvenor Square.[The room is brilliantly lighted and full
of guests. At the top of
the staircase standslady chiltern,a woman of grave Greek beauty,about twenty-seven years of age. She receives the guests as they come
up. Over the well of the
staircase hangs a great chandelier with wax lights,which illumine a large eighteenth-century
French tapestry—representing the Triumph of Love,from a design by Boucher—that is stretched
on the staircase wall. On
the right is the entrance to the music-room. The sound of a string quartette is
faintly heard. The
entrance on the left leads to other reception-rooms. mrs. marchmontandlady basildon,two very pretty
women,are seated together on a
Louis Seize sofa. They
are types of exquisite fragility. Their affectation of manner has a delicate
charm. Watteau would have
loved to paint them.]mrs. marchmont. Going on to the Hartlocks’ to-night,
Margaret?lady basildon. I suppose so. Are
you?mrs. marchmont. Yes. Horribly tedious parties
they give, don’t they?lady basildon. Horribly tedious! Never know why I
go. Never know why I go anywhere.mrs. marchmont. I come here to be
educated.lady basildon. Ah! I hate being educated!mrs. marchmont. So do I. It puts one almost on a
level with the commercial classes, doesn’t it? But dear
Gertrude Chiltern is always telling me that I should have some
serious purpose in life. So I come here to try to find
one.lady basildon. [Looking round through
her lorgnette.] I don’t see anybody here
to-night whom one could possibly call a serious purpose. The
man who took me in to dinner talked to me about his wife the whole
time.mrs. marchmont. How very trivial of him!lady basildon. Terribly trivial! What did your
man talk about?mrs. marchmont. About myself.lady basildon. [Languidly.] And were you interested?mrs. marchmont. [Shaking her
head.] Not in the smallest
degree.lady basildon. What martyrs we are, dear
Margaret!mrs. marchmont. [Rising.] And how well it becomes us, Olivia![They rise and go towards the
music-room. Thevicomte de nanjac,a young attaché known for his neckties and his
Anglomania,approaches with a
low bow,and enters into
conversation.]mason. [Announcing guests from the
top of the staircase.] Mr. and Lady Jane
Barford. Lord Caversham.[Enterlord
caversham,an old gentleman of seventy,wearing the riband and star of the
Garter. A fine Whig
type. Rather like a
portrait by Lawrence.]lord caversham. Good evening, Lady Chiltern! Has
my good-for-nothing young son been here?lady chiltern. [Smiling.] I don’t think Lord Goring has arrived
yet.mabel chiltern. [Coming up
tolord caversham.] Why do you call Lord
Goring good-for-nothing?[mabel chilternis a perfect example of the
English type of prettiness,the
apple-blossom type. She
has all the fragrance and freedom of a flower. There is ripple after ripple of
sunlight in her hair,and the
little mouth,with its parted
lips,is expectant,like the mouth of a child. She has the fascinating tyranny of
youth,and the astonishing
courage of innocence. To
sane people she is not reminiscent of any work of art. But she is really like a Tanagra
statuette,and would be rather
annoyed if she were told so.]lord caversham. Because he leads such an idle
life.mabel chiltern. How can you say such a thing?
Why, he rides in the Row at ten o’clock in the morning, goes to the
Opera three times a week, changes his clothes at least five times a
day, and dines out every night of the season. You don’t call
that leading an idle life, do you?lord caversham. [Looking at her with
a kindly twinkle in his eyes.] You are a
very charming young lady!mabel chiltern. How sweet of you to say that, Lord
Caversham! Do come to us more often. You know we are
always at home on Wednesdays, and you look so well with your
star!lord caversham. Never go anywhere now. Sick of
London Society. Shouldn’t mind being introduced to my own
tailor; he always votes on the right side. But object
strongly to being sent down to dinner with my wife’s
milliner. Never could stand Lady Caversham’s
bonnets.mabel chiltern. Oh, I love London Society! I
think it has immensely improved. It is entirely composed now
of beautiful idiots and brilliant lunatics. Just what Society
should be.lord caversham. Hum! Which is Goring?
Beautiful idiot, or the other thing?mabel chiltern. [Gravely.] I have been obliged for the present to put Lord
Goring into a class quite by himself. But he is developing
charmingly!lord caversham. Into what?mabel chiltern. [With a little
curtsey.] I hope to let you know very
soon, Lord Caversham!mason. [Announcing guests.] Lady Markby. Mrs. Cheveley.[Enterlady markbyandmrs. cheveley. lady
markbyis a pleasant,kindly,popular
woman,with gray hair à la
marquise and good lace. mrs.
cheveley,who accompanies her,is tall and rather slight. Lips very thin and
highly-coloured,a line of
scarlet on a pallid face. Venetian red hair,aquiline nose,and
long throat. Rouge
accentuates the natural paleness of her complexion. Gray-green eyes that move
restlessly. She is in
heliotrope,with
diamonds. She looks
rather like an orchid,and
makes great demands on one’s curiosity. In all her movements she is
extremely graceful. A
work of art,on the
whole,but showing the
influence of too many schools.]lady markby. Good evening, dear Gertrude! So kind
of you to let me bring my friend, Mrs. Cheveley. Two such
charming women should know each other!lady chiltern. [Advances
towardsmrs. cheveleywith a
sweet smile. Then
suddenly stops,and bows rather
distantly.] I think Mrs. Cheveley and I
have met before. I did not know she had married a second
time.lady markby. [Genially.] Ah, nowadays people marry as often as they can,
don’t they? It is most fashionable. [Toduchess of maryborough.] Dear
Duchess, and how is the Duke? Brain still weak, I
suppose? Well, that is only to be expected, is it not?
His good father was just the same. There is nothing like
race, is there?mrs. cheveley. [Playing with her
fan.] But have we really met before, Lady
Chiltern? I can’t remember where. I have been out of
England for so long.lady chiltern. We were at school together, Mrs.
Cheveley.mrs. cheveley [Superciliously.] Indeed? I have forgotten all about my
schooldays. I have a vague impression that they were
detestable.lady chiltern. [Coldly.] I am not surprised!mrs. cheveley. [In her sweetest
manner.] Do you know, I am quite looking
forward to meeting your clever husband, Lady Chiltern. Since
he has been at the Foreign Office, he has been so much talked of in
Vienna. They actually succeed in spelling his name right in
the newspapers. That in itself is fame, on the
continent.lady chiltern. I hardly think there will be much in
common between you and my husband, Mrs. Cheveley! [Moves away.]vicomte de nanjac. Ah! chère Madame, queue
surprise! I have not seen you since Berlin!mrs. cheveley. Not since Berlin, Vicomte. Five
years ago!vicomte de nanjac. And you are younger and more
beautiful than ever. How do you manage it?mrs. cheveley. By making it a rule only to talk to
perfectly charming people like yourself.vicomte de nanjac. Ah! you flatter me. You butter
me, as they say here.mrs. cheveley. Do they say that here? How
dreadful of them!vicomte de nanjac. Yes, they have a wonderful
language. It should be more widely known.[sir robert chilternenters. A man of forty,but looking somewhat younger. Clean-shaven,with finely-cut features,dark-haired and dark-eyed. A personality of mark. Not popular—few personalities
are. But intensely
admired by the few,and deeply
respected by the many. The note of his manner is that of perfect
distinction,with a slight
touch of pride. One feels
that he is conscious of the success he has made in life. A nervous temperament,with a tired look. The firmly-chiselled mouth and chin
contrast strikingly with the romantic expression in the deep-set
eyes. The variance is
suggestive of an almost complete separation of passion and
intellect,as though thought
and emotion were each isolated in its own sphere through some
violence of will-power. There is nervousness in the nostrils,and in the pale,thin,pointed
hands. It would be
inaccurate to call him picturesque. Picturesqueness cannot survive the House of
Commons. But Vandyck
would have liked to have painted his head.]sir robert chiltern. Good evening, Lady Markby! I
hope you have brought Sir John with you?lady markby. Oh! I have brought a much more charming
person than Sir John. Sir John’s temper since he has taken
seriously to politics has become quite unbearable. Really,
now that the House of Commons is trying to become useful, it does a
great deal of harm.sir robert chiltern. I hope not, Lady Markby. At
any rate we do our best to waste the public time, don’t we?
But who is this charming person you have been kind enough to bring
to us?lady markby. Her name is Mrs. Cheveley! One of
the Dorsetshire Cheveleys, I suppose. But I really don’t
know. Families are so mixed nowadays. Indeed, as a
rule, everybody turns out to be somebody else.sir robert chiltern. Mrs. Cheveley? I seem to
know the name.lady markby. She has just arrived from
Vienna.sir robert chiltern. Ah! yes. I think I know whom
you mean.lady markby. Oh! she goes everywhere there, and has
such pleasant scandals about all her friends. I really must
go to Vienna next winter. I hope there is a good chef at the
Embassy.sir robert chiltern. If there is not, the Ambassador
will certainly have to be recalled. Pray point out Mrs.
Cheveley to me. I should like to see her.lady markby. Let me introduce you. [Tomrs. cheveley.] My dear, Sir
Robert Chiltern is dying to know you!sir robert chiltern. [Bowing.] Every one is dying to
know the brilliant Mrs. Cheveley. Our attachés at Vienna
write to us about nothing else.mrs. cheveley. Thank you, Sir Robert. An
acquaintance that begins with a compliment is sure to develop into
a real friendship. It starts in the right manner. And I
find that I know Lady Chiltern already.sir robert chiltern. Really?mrs. cheveley. Yes. She has just reminded me that
we were at school together. I remember it perfectly
now. She always got the good conduct prize. I have a
distinct recollection of Lady Chiltern always getting the good
conduct prize!sir robert chiltern. [Smiling.] And what prizes did
you get, Mrs. Cheveley?mrs. cheveley. My prizes came a little later on in
life. I don’t think any of them were for good conduct.
I forget!sir robert chiltern. I am sure they were for something
charming!mrs. cheveley. I don’t know that women are always
rewarded for being charming. I think they are usually
punished for it! Certainly, more women grow old nowadays
through the faithfulness of their admirers than through anything
else! At least that is the only way I can account for the
terribly haggard look of most of your pretty women in
London!sir robert chiltern. What an appalling philosophy that
sounds! To attempt to classify you, Mrs. Cheveley, would be
an impertinence. But may I ask, at heart, are you an optimist
or a pessimist? Those seem to be the only two fashionable
religions left to us nowadays.mrs. cheveley. Oh, I’m neither. Optimism begins
in a broad grin, and Pessimism ends with blue spectacles.
Besides, they are both of them merely poses.sir robert chiltern. You prefer to be
natural?mrs. cheveley. Sometimes. But it is such a very
difficult pose to keep up.sir robert chiltern. What would those modern
psychological novelists, of whom we hear so much, say to such a
theory as that?mrs. cheveley. Ah! the strength of women comes from the
fact that psychology cannot explain us. Men can be analysed,
women . . . merely adored.sir robert chiltern. You think science cannot grapple
with the problem of women?mrs. cheveley. Science can never grapple with the
irrational. That is why it has no future before it, in this
world.sir robert chiltern. And women represent the
irrational.mrs. cheveley. Well-dressed women do.sir robert chiltern. [With a polite
bow.] I fear I could hardly agree with you
there. But do sit down. And now tell me, what makes you
leave your brilliant Vienna for our gloomy London—or perhaps the
question is indiscreet?mrs. cheveley. Questions are never indiscreet.
Answers sometimes are.sir robert chiltern. Well, at any rate, may I know if
it is politics or pleasure?mrs. cheveley. Politics are my only pleasure. You
see nowadays it is not fashionable to flirt till one is forty, or
to be romantic till one is forty-five, so we poor women who are
under thirty, or say we are, have nothing open to us but politics
or philanthropy. And philanthropy seems to me to have become
simply the refuge of people who wish to annoy their
fellow-creatures. I prefer politics. I think they are
more . . . becoming!sir robert chiltern. A political life is a noble
career!mrs. cheveley. Sometimes. And sometimes it is a
clever game, Sir Robert. And sometimes it is a great
nuisance.sir robert chiltern. Which do you find it?mrs. cheveley. I? A combination of all
three. [Drops her fan.]sir robert chiltern. [Picks up
fan.] Allow me!mrs. cheveley. Thanks.sir robert chiltern. But you have not told me yet what
makes you honour London so suddenly. Our season is almost
over.mrs. cheveley. Oh! I don’t care about the London
season! It is too matrimonial. People are either
hunting for husbands, or hiding from them. I wanted to meet
you. It is quite true. You know what a woman’s
curiosity is. Almost as great as a man’s! I wanted
immensely to meet you, and . . . to ask you to do something for
me.sir robert chiltern. I hope it is not a little thing,
Mrs. Cheveley. I find that little things are so very
difficult to do.mrs. cheveley. [After a moment’s
reflection.] No, I don’t think it is quite
a little thing.sir robert chiltern. I am so glad. Do tell me
what it is.mrs. cheveley. Later on. [Rises.] And now may I walk
through your beautiful house? I hear your pictures are
charming. Poor Baron Arnheim—you remember the Baron?—used to
tell me you had some wonderful Corots.sir robert chiltern. [With an almost
imperceptible start.] Did you know Baron
Arnheim well?mrs. cheveley. [Smiling.] Intimately. Did you?sir robert chiltern. At one time.mrs. cheveley. Wonderful man, wasn’t he?sir robert chiltern. [After a
pause.] He was very remarkable, in many
ways.mrs. cheveley. I often think it such a pity he never
wrote his memoirs. They would have been most
interesting.sir robert chiltern. Yes: he knew men and cities well,
like the old Greek.mrs. cheveley. Without the dreadful disadvantage of
having a Penelope waiting at home for him.mason. Lord Goring.[Enterlord
goring. Thirty-four,but always says he is younger. A well-bred,expressionless face. He is clever,but would not like to be thought
so. A flawless
dandy,he would be annoyed if
he were considered romantic. He plays with life,and is on perfectly good terms with the world. He is fond of being
misunderstood. It gives
him a post of vantage.]sir robert chiltern. Good evening, my dear
Arthur! Mrs. Cheveley, allow me to introduce to you Lord
Goring, the idlest man in London.mrs. cheveley. I have met Lord Goring
before.lord goring. [Bowing.] I did not think you would remember me, Mrs.
Cheveley.mrs. cheveley. My memory is under admirable
control. And are you still a bachelor?lord goring. I . . . believe so.mrs. cheveley. How very romantic!lord goring. Oh! I am not at all romantic. I am
not old enough. I leave romance to my seniors.sir robert chiltern. Lord Goring is the result of
Boodle’s Club, Mrs. Cheveley.mrs. cheveley. He reflects every credit on the
institution.lord goring. May I ask are you staying in London
long?mrs. cheveley. That depends partly on the weather,
partly on the cooking, and partly on Sir Robert.sir robert chiltern. You are not going to plunge us
into a European war, I hope?mrs. cheveley. There is no danger, at
present![She nods tolord
goring,with a look of amusement in her
eyes,and goes out
withsir robert chiltern. lord
goringsaunters over tomabel
chiltern.]mabel chiltern. You are very late!lord goring. Have you missed me?mabel chiltern. Awfully!lord goring. Then I am sorry I did not stay away
longer. I like being missed.mabel chiltern. How very selfish of you!lord goring. I am very selfish.mabel chiltern. You are always telling me of your bad
qualities, Lord Goring.lord goring. I have only told you half of them as yet,
Miss Mabel!mabel chiltern. Are the others very bad?lord goring. Quite dreadful! When I think of them
at night I go to sleep at once.mabel chiltern. Well, I delight in your bad
qualities. I wouldn’t have you part with one of
them.lord goring. How very nice of you! But then you
are always nice. By the way, I want to ask you a question,
Miss Mabel. Who brought Mrs. Cheveley here? That woman
in heliotrope, who has just gone out of the room with your
brother?mabel chiltern. Oh, I think Lady Markby brought
her. Why do you ask?lord goring. I haven’t seen her for years, that is
all.mabel chiltern. What an absurd reason!lord goring. All reasons are absurd.mabel chiltern. What sort of a woman is
she?lord goring. Oh! a genius in the daytime and a beauty
at night!mabel chiltern. I dislike her already.lord goring. That shows your admirable good
taste.vicomte de nanjac. [Approaching.] Ah, the English
young lady is the dragon of good taste, is she not? Quite the
dragon of good taste.lord goring. So the newspapers are always telling
us.vicomte de nanjac. I read all your English
newspapers. I find them so amusing.lord goring. Then, my dear Nanjac, you must certainly
read between the lines.vicomte de nanjac. I should like to, but my professor
objects. [Tomabel
chiltern.] May I have the pleasure of escorting you to the
music-room, Mademoiselle?mabel chiltern. [Looking very
disappointed.] Delighted, Vicomte, quite
delighted! [Turning tolord goring.] Aren’t you coming to the
music-room?lord goring. Not if there is any music going on, Miss
Mabel.mabel chiltern. [Severely