Finding Inner Safety E-Book

Nerina Ramlakhan

• Herausgeber: John Wiley & Sons
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Seitenzahl: 259

Beschreibung

FINDING INNER SAFETY FIND SAFETY, SECURITY AND PEACE IN THE MODERN WORLD. When we work hard, sometimes we put our mental health on the backburner. Stress, a lack of sleep and other factors can quickly lead to burnout. How can we balance our goals with a peaceful lifestyle? Replace stress, burnout and surviving with resilience, energy-optimisation and thriving. With expert guidance from international author and speaker Dr. Nerina Ramlakhan, you'll learn how to use quick, manageable solutions to make a profound difference to your mindset, energy levels and subsequent productivity. In plain language everybody can understand, Finding Inner Safety will help readers: * Learn why we're constantly on the lookout for threats * Come to terms with the actual dangers we face * Understand the key principles of safety science and strategies for feeling safer and more secure * Realise the wisdom we can draw from the natural world around us * Make choices that help us thrive, rather than merely survive To lead a peaceful and fulfilling lifestyle, finding safety and security from within yourself is an essential first step. Finding Inner Safety provides practical knowledge, insight, and methods to help you unwind from our modern world in a deeper sense, both at home and at work, without asking you to give up on your ambitious goals.

Leseprobe

Table of Contents

Cover

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Message from the Author

Physiology and Psychology

Professional Experience

Philosophy

Always Practical

Personal Insight

Part One: The Illusion of Safety

Part Two: When the Nervous System Is Nervous

Part Three: Nature Cures

Part Four: Doing the Real Work (of Finding Inner Safety)

Acknowledgements

Prologue: Lost and Found

Over to You …

Introduction: Why Feeling Safe Matters

A Personal Agenda

Part One: The Illusion of Safety

1 What Does Feeling Safe Mean?

Stuck in Unhelpful Patterns

When You Don't Know if You Feel Safe or Not

Unconsciously Unsafe

Consciously Unsafe

Unconsciously Safe

Consciously Safe

Four Levels of Safety

What Does Feeling Safe Mean to You?

From Outside In, to Inside Out

Part Two: When the Nervous System Is Nervous

2 Measuring Un-safety in the Human Laboratory

Skewed Measurements

A Changing World – Speed, Noise, Demand, Technology

Notes

3 Your Intelligent Nervous System

Introduction to the Key Principles of Safety Science

A Day in the Life Of

Polyvagal Theory (Viva Las Vagus!)

Evolution of Our Nervous System

Regulation, Co-regulation, Dysregulation

Habituation to Survival – A Nervous System Perspective

Sensing Our Inner and Outer World

Meanings Matter

Social Engagement (and Wearing Masks)

All Alone Together

Reality Shows and Frozen ‘Perfection’

Safety in Connection

Note

Part Three: Nature Cures

4 The Wisdom of Trees

Magnificent Brainforests

The Tree of Safety

The Roots of the Tree of Safety

The Trunk of the Tree of Safety – Life Passages

The Crown of the Tree of Safety

The Real Work

Notes

5 Going Back to Our Roots

Early Beginnings

Weakened Roots

Where Do You Belong?

Different Types of Roots

The Tree That Toppled

Notes

Part Four: Doing the Real Work (of Finding Inner Safety)

6 Create More Resources – The Reset

What Are Your Energy Levels Right Now?

Press the Reset Button

Getting Started

Feel Resourced – What to Expect

Note

7 Aerate the Soil/Soul

Compacted Breathing

Learn How to Breathe

Practice 1: Notice the Breath

Practice 2: Take 5 a Day/Morning Practice

Practice 3: Sigh it Out

8 Return to the Body – Embodiment Work

Practice 1: Notice Your Body Awareness

Practice 2: Locate Your Trigger Points

Practice 3: Feel Joy and Pleasure

Practice 4: Sense Your Environment

Practice 5: Take a Walk in Nature

Practice 6: Jump Back into Your Body – Heel Drops

Practice 7: Discover

Chi Kung

Shaking

Practice 8: Find Comfort and Ease

Note

9 Can I Show You Who I Am?

Practice 1: Identify Your Inner Perfectionist

Practice 2: Mirror Work

Practice 3: Let it Out!

10 Strengthen the Positivity Bias of the Brain

Practice 1: Gratitude for the Present Moment

Practice 2: Wake up with Gratitude

Practice 3: End Your Day with Gratitude

Practice 4: Cultivate Appreciation

Practice 5: Soak in Pleasure

Practice 6: Morning Intention Setting

11 Safety in Connection

Practice 1: Prepare Your Heart Connection

Practice 2: Meditation for Loneliness

Practice 3: Deep Support

12 Healing Weakened Roots

Practice 1: Explore Your Family Tree

Practice 2: Tree Meditation Exercise

Epilogue: Return Home

About the Author

Bibliography

End User License Agreement

List of Illustrations

Chapter 1

Figure 1.1 The spiral journey of finding inner safety.

Figure 1.2 Feeling Safe and Unsafe.

Figure 1.3 Outside in versus inside out approach to dealing with life.

Chapter 3

Figure 3.1 Diagram of evolutionary timeline.

Figure 3.2 Nervous system pendulation.

Chapter 4

Figure 4.1 The Dancing Tree.

Figure 4.2 The Tree of Safety.

Part 4

Figure P4.1 The journey to becoming resourceful.

Figure P4.2 The chaotic spiritual journey.

Guide

Cover

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright

Dedication

Message from the Author

Acknowledgements

Prologue: Lost and Found

Introduction: Why Feeling Safe Matters

Begin Reading

Epilogue: Return Home

About the Author

Bibliography

End User License Agreement

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Finding Inner Safety

The key to healing, thriving, and overcoming burnout

Dr. Nerina Ramlakhan

This edition first published 2022.

Copyright © 2022 Dr Nerina Ramlakhan. All rights reserved.

Literary Agent, Wendy Yorke WRITE.EDIT.PUBLISH www.wendyyorke.com

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For both Nirvanas, past and present

Message from the Author

When I began writing this book, I soon realized that all of me wanted to be wholeheartedly involved – the scientist, the practitioner, the philosopher, the survivor, and the thriver. So, what unfolded, and what you will come across in the four sections of my book, is a blend of the various ingredients that have, over the years, become my USP – I call them my 5Ps. In the blending of these 5Ps, I aim to present to you a more holistic viewpoint, and one that will not only ignite your intellect but also open your heart, nourish your soul, and spur you to action!

Physiology and Psychology

I started out as a scientist. I have a degree in physiology and a doctorate in neurophysiology. And I have also studied psychology and psychiatry. It wasn't long after my postdoctoral work and a couple of short-lived academic posts that I realized I wasn't really interested in being an academic. Actually, I thought I wasn't cut out for the world of work at all until I experienced the ‘click’ of working in the ‘human laboratory’ and realized that my real fascination lay in the workings of the mind, body, and spirit. Particularly fascinating were seemingly ‘esoteric’ concepts and how they might be explained by scientific theory, an interest I could never have pursued if I had stayed in academia, constrained by strict scientific protocols and peer review pressure. I needed to let my mind roam free! Free to find the answers to the Why's that petri dishes and test tubes were never going to give me. I believe this stood me in good stead when I began consulting in corporate environments where many of my clients tended to be more left brain – logical, rational, ‘if you can't see it, it doesn't exist’ human beings. For such clients, blending esoteric with scientific theories was probably more credible. Perhaps it felt safer too.

Professional Experience

Observations from the ‘human laboratory’ started back in the 1990s when I headed to London's Square Mile to work in a health-screening clinic. Still wearing a lab coat but this time measuring the health of corporate employees. Since then, I've been measuring people's health, talking to them about their health, observing how life impacts on our health. And not only corporate executives such as law, accountancy, or insurance firms and investment banks. I've also worked with police officers, schoolchildren, lorry drivers driving oil tankers through the night, women recovering from cancer, stressed-out mothers, chief executives and their chauffeurs, famous actors, members of royal families from far-flung exotic places, members of Parliament. And I spent more than a decade working in a psychiatric clinic, The Capio Nightingale Clinic, where, ironically, years before, I'd stayed for a month as an in-patient. Here, I worked with people who had burnt out, people with addictions, people who couldn't sleep, felt depressed, anxious, afraid, and who'd lost hope. In this book I will share snippets of the stories of some of the people I've been privileged to help over the years, showing you how they found inner safety.

Philosophy

When I began my healing journey in 1999, the ancient sciences and philosophies started calling me. Maybe they'd whispered to me first and then I embarked on the journey without realizing I was being guided, woken up. By then I had my degrees, my left brain had been trained and honed by years of academic study and research but the Why's were clamouring for my attention and I needed to look beyond the reductionism of academic research to find more answers. My intuition was telling me that there was so much more to learn. I was feeling things, intuiting things, but unable to understand or trust what I was feeling. As Einstein said: ‘The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant.’

So, I returned to my lineage of Hinduism, took a foray into Buddhism, explored the ancient sciences of Ayurveda and traditional Chinese medicine and found more answers.

Always Practical

I have learnt so much over the years and amassed so many tools and resources. I always share these in my work as well as practising them myself. I share nothing that I don't practise myself – physician heal thyself. Many of the tools I'll share with you might seem like small things – how could they possibly make a difference? But there are times when we are tired, burnt out, and feeling at a loss and we don't have the energy to make big changes. I have found that these small changes are a good starting point and might even be the tipping point that can help to lever you out if you are stuck in a rut.

Personal Insight

Throughout Finding Inner Safety I invite you to think about yourself and how my words relate to you. The issue of feeling safe is a deeply personal one. How could I not ask you to consider your own thoughts, feelings, and experiences?

I also share elements of my own story … I have hinted at this in my previous books but this time I felt it was necessary to share more. This book is definitely not a memoir but I share because I want you to know that I have lived what I talk about, and not just studied it or worked with it. It is amongst my most important values to ‘be the change’, which means that what I offer you comes from deep within me. I am someone who has lived and continues to live deeply and, for some reason, has been given a voice of influence and countless opportunities to help others through my own experience.

Ironically, writing Finding Inner Safety took me on a deep journey of healing in which I realized that not only did I need to stop downplaying my own story, but I had something to share that could help others. I found a deep compassion – for myself and for my family and ancestors and the struggles they'd undergone. And I explored one of my most important Why's? Why am Ihere? According to Hindu and Buddhist philosophy, we are here for a reason, to fulfil a life purpose – this is called our dharma. I have long realized that in doing the work that I do I am fulfilling my dharma but I hadn't realized how much writing this book was a vital part of that life purpose. As I wrote, something settled in me and I found an even deeper sense of inner safety. This is what happens when we find our dharma and I have watched this happen with many others too.

Many of you will have your own incredible stories too and in all of these stories, including mine, there are common themes – uprootings, awakenings, and realizations; dealing with challenges, going into one's depths to source clarity and resources, finding mentors and building supports that enable you to emerge differently with a deeper sense of inner safety.

I trust that you find inspiration, hope, and energy to embark on your journey. Maybe the sharing of my story will help you to understand your own story, shed your own tears, and find your own liberation.

My book is organized into four main parts, together with a Prologue, Introduction, and Epilogue. I start by telling a personal story that showed me, without doubt, why safety matters and where it really comes from.

Part One: The Illusion of Safety

As I write this book, we are in the midst of a pandemic unlike anything any of us have ever been through. But even before this we had been living as compromised human beings, stress levels rising, mental health issues common, and, especially amongst our young, people are unable to sleep. But I believe that these aren't the real epidemics; at the heart of it we have become so disconnected from our true selves – our souls – and lost the ability to feel safe. In our technology-driven world we've also lost connection with others; for many people relating has become virtual, superficial, text-character-based. Man is, after all, a social animal, and it is in the building of authentic and deep connections that real safety can also be found.

What are we talking about when we talk about feeling safe? I propose that there are four levels at which we might seek to feel safe – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Human beings are complex and we feel safest when we are integrated and whole on these four levels – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. I will invite you to think about how you feel on each of these levels. Thus, you can become more intimately acquainted with your unique relationship with feeling safe and, importantly, discover where the healing lies for you.

Part Two: When the Nervous System Is Nervous

In the second part, I introduce you to the physiology of feeling safe, the nervous system and the vital role it plays in helping us to survive or thrive. I believe that understanding the workings of your nervous system is crucial to your being able to navigate safely in a world that often feels unsafe. I also describe an important and relatively new physiological theory that I myself stumbled upon only a few years ago while working on this book and a particularly painful stage of my own healing journey. Today, this theory and its practical application is becoming increasingly important in the understanding and treatment of trauma both at the clinical level and in everyday life.

Part Three: Nature Cures

This part of the book is very dear to me. Initially, the scientist in me worried that what I was writing was whimsical and fluffy and that I'd be called a tree hugger! In order to write it, I needed to retreat into myself for a while. It was August 2021 and in London we hoped we'd come out of the pandemic. People weren't sure what to do with themselves; it felt as if the world was in a lull – a perfect time to be still and write about safety from a different perspective and one that even my ‘gurus’, neuroscientist Dr Stephen Porges and trauma therapist Deb Dana, hadn't written about – the healing potential of trees and their ability to show us how to feel safe. These respected professionals are considered by many to be amongst the top pioneers in the relatively new field of ‘safety science’.

My gut or intuition was guiding me strongly here, driven by the question: What is the counterbalance to all of noise out there? The opinions and divisiveness in our world? The uncertainty that we're all facing at the moment? All of this serves to take us even further away from feelings of safety and surety. Can trees, just by virtue of how they exist and operate, demonstrate to us all what feeling safe really means? In this section of my book I show you that they truly can.

My aim in writing this book is to take you deep. We can't ‘do’ feeling safe unless we are prepared to plunge our depths. This means going back to the source or the roots of our relationship with feeling safe, where we came from, through tramlines of parental and ancestral DNA from our parents and back to their parents, and their parents too. And even beyond . . . I started thinking – what if we go back to our very beginnings on earth? Can we learn something meaningful about how to feel safe in our changing world? According to James Lovelock, the prize-winning creator of the Gaia hypothesis, we are inextricably connected to our planet, to Mother Earth and nature.

In this third part, I write about the unexpected muse who turned up at the right time and helped me to deepen my understanding of the roots of our safety. Here I write about our relationship with nature – and trees in particular – what they can teach us about feeling safe and their amazing capacity to heal. I believe it can also teach us how to break free from patterns of survival and truly thrive. For too long we have been obsessed with our world of technology, speed, and consumerism and this is what we have looked to in order to feel secure. Right now, with our whole world in chaos and crisis, we need a different perspective and one that brings us back to who we are, our true nature.

Part Four: Doing the Real Work (of Finding Inner Safety)

The final part of my book is practical. Here, I share the resources that I have been learning about, practising myself, and teaching thousands of people for years. These are the practices – some of them very simple – that I have been sharing with people for decades, as well as practising myself.

In this resources section I share the tools that are based on my unique methodology. I take you through a process that is focused on bringing safety to those four crucial levels – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual – that I describe in Part One. Ideally, you will work your way through the practices and decide which ones work best for you. The nature of this work is deeply personal after all. However, I recommend that you start with the RESET practice, as my experience has shown me that preparing the foundations in this way sets you up to do the deeper work that comes later. I hesitated to call this section a ‘toolbox’ but I suppose it could be considered to be that, as embarking on the journey of building inner safety really is about ‘Doing the Work’, a label which I use throughout my book and which I ask you to become familiar with too. This is about doing the ‘the Work’ of becoming a more evolved human being, more self-actualized. I will share with you an array of tools that I've learnt from others, developed and practised myself, and shared with countless others. Over time, you will become more adept at selecting the tools you need at different stages of doing your own work.

In conclusion, Finding Inner Safety ends on a message of hope and joy. I am writing this book at a time when many feel hopeless, afraid, and even suspicious. All around us there is chaotic, uncomfortable change and we don't know where it is taking us.

However, it is time – at least for the sake of our younger generation, the future of our species – to spread a new type of contagion. One of realistic optimism and joy even in the face of life's inevitable suffering. I say ‘realistic’ because this isn't about toxic, fake positivity. This is about finding those moments of real hope, real joy, real gratitude, and real kinship that do exist … and spreading it. We're all connected and we're all in this together. We might feel we have no influence but we all do. Each one of us has the power to tap into something deep within us – a wellspring of safety from which true thriving is created.

Acknowledgements

Writing a book is a solitary experience and doing this while the whole world was in the throes of the Covid-19 pandemic and we were all in lockdown could have been a lonely experience had it not been for the friends and angels who anchored me, held me safe, and came along on the journey.

I have many to thank …

Not least Mira – my canine soulmate from the streets of Cyprus who arrived, uncannily, just at the right time. We soothed each other's nervous systems and made each other feel safe. I'm not sure who was rescuing whom. You are a joy in my life!

Beautiful friendships were made thanks to the River Thames, just at my doorstep. Thank you, my river buddies, Denise Yeats, Jessie Laute, Luisa Kuramapu, Amaresh, Rick, and Jam Cam, crazy human beings who help me to laugh and breathe deeply – the only way to self-regulate when immersing in icy waters. Strangely, the murky but steady waters of the river provided the most magical support for writing this book, especially when I was stuck for words or just plain stuck in my head.

Soul sisters and dear friendships that have deepened even throughout the isolation of the last year – Gosia Gorna, Carolyn Kolasinski, Lindsay Doy, Kirsten Samuel, Heena Thaker, and more recently the divinely special Jackie Boothe. Thank you for listening to me, and for holding space when tears flowed in the unveiling process. Your voice messages were such a welcome relief from the voice in my own head during those isolation months.

Yasmin Ibrahim for being there just at the right time and the amazing connections that have resulted from you turning up on that fateful day. Heartfelt thanks to you and the Bingham Riverhouse for helping me get my mojo back and remember that the best form of healing takes place when you're shaking it out on the dance floor.

To my wonderful support team at the Adia PR agency – notably Laura Coppock and Ruth Shearman and my lovely VA Polly Buckley. You all bent over backwards to help me protect precious writing time. Kerry-Lyn Stanton-Downes who has held space and walked with me since the inception of this book.

Deepest gratitude for my ancestors whose presence and guidance I felt throughout, not least in my dreams. Funny how the dreams have stopped since submitting the manuscript. I have written this book to honour your journey, your tenacity and courage, attributes which I feel ingrained in my deepest taproots.

For the family that I chose in this lifetime and especially Mum – I can't wait to see you again. It has been too long. Dad, you always said I should be a writer and you were right. I miss you.

To my wonderful friend, agent, and Book Angel Wendy Yorke for your unwavering support and belief in me and this book throughout the whole process. I am so grateful to you.

And finally, thank you to my daughter, Maya Nirvana, my best teacher. You continue to both inspire and test me and I love you.

Prologue: Lost and Found

It is 5 o'clock in the afternoon and the sun beats down on the Portuguese mountains and my bare shoulders. My throat is dry and sore, parched from thirst and my futile screams for help. A few minutes ago, I turned my right ankle sharply when I scrambled down the slope, searching in vain for the trail I'd started out on two hours ago. The pain is irrelevant at this point. What started out as a 30-minute run in the Portuguese mountains that I've done many times before has gone horribly wrong and I'm lost lost lost …

I'm aware that my breathing is jagged and panicky, and I force myself to exhale slowly, trying in vain to take control of my body. Cursing myself for not having told anyone back at the yoga retreat that I was going for a run. No one saw me leave. I have no phone, no torch. Just me in my running kit with a watch. Dinner is at 7 p.m. Will anyone notice I'm not there? Will my friend raise the alarm? Will they send a search party for me? Can I sleep out here in the mountains? What about wild animals? Will I survive? What will happen to my daughter? Will I ever see her again? Panic mounts and I give up the battle to deepen my breath.