Outsider E-Book

Elias J. Connor

• Herausgeber: FINN Books Edition FireFly
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Beschreibung

Ellis is a sad boy - caught up in his daydreams, abandoned and beaten by his family, teased and bullied at school. It seems nobody listens to him and nobody shares his fears and sadness. One evening he meets the girl Natalie, who is the same age. She makes him feel like he finally has a true ally. Natalie takes Ellis on imaginary journeys, enabling him to have sweet dreams again and be happy despite his sad situation... until one day Ellis realizes that Natalie is not real, just an imaginary character. When Ellis ends up in an orphanage after a devastating family incident, he meets a real girl who is identical to Natalie. She seems to change his life. Can Ellis now find his way and face his trials better?

Leseprobe

Elias J. Connor

Outsider

Inhaltsverzeichnis

Dedication

Chapter 1 - Dream or Reality?

Chapter 2 - It's Ellis' birthday

Chapter 3 - In the swimming pool

Chapter 4 - The bad grade in German

Chapter 5 - The night somewhere else

Chapter 6 - Why do you have to go, Natalie?

Chapter 7 - Karen's friends

Chapter 8 - Cereon

Chapter 9 - Is Natalie really there?

Chapter 10 - Humiliated

Chapter 11 - Autumn break

Chapter 12 - Natalie speaks again

Chapter 13 - The secret clan

Chapter 14 - The escape

Chapter 15 - War in House Cereon

Chapter 16 - Winners and losers

Chapter 17 - The first words after a long time

Chapter 18 - At Natalie's home

Chapter 19 - Back to Cereon

Chapter 20 - Burn, diary, burn

Chapter 21 - Christmas in Miami

Chapter 22 - We remain friends forever

Chapter 23 - The first nightmare after 2 years

Chapter 24 - The youth center

Chapter 25 - The song of the fairies

Chapter 26 - As dark as the night

Chapter 27 - The boss of the cool clique

Chapter 28 - Pictures from the past

Chapter 29 - Intimacy

Chapter 30 - Natalie's oath

Chapter 31 - Will she die?

Chapter 32 - Against the current

Chapter 33 - Where is Natalie?

Chapter 34 - The memory of the exchange students

Chapter 35 - As far as the wings will take you

Chapter 36 - Nadja's words

Chapter 37 - Ellis and Nadja

Chapter 38 - Natalie's confession

Chapter 39 - Again pictures from the past

Chapter 40 - Don't you want to live anymore?

Chapter 41 - Back at Cereon

Chapter 42 - New beginnings in another town

Impressum

Dedication

For Nadja.

This is the first book of mine that you have read.

Your inspiration made it what it became.

Thank you.

For Jana.

My girlfriend. my muse.

Thank you for being there and for letting me keep telling you stories.

Chapter 1 - Dream or Reality?

The boy was standing at the edge of a huge mountain. In the distance he heard a thunderstorm approaching. The horizon was shrouded in clouds, and lightning streaked out of them.

He wasn't afraid. Normally he was afraid of thunder because it was so loud. But Ellis just stood there and watched as the storm slowly approached. He had no idea why it didn't scare him.

Lightning cracked out of the clouds again. This time it was much closer, because the thunder echoed through the area barely 4 seconds later.

Ellis stood and exhaled. Looking down he saw that he was wearing nothing but pajama bottoms. He ran his hand through his brown curls and shook his head.

And a breeze caressed Ellis's skin.

"Ellis," suddenly made a soft voice.

Ellis turned.

But there was nobody.

Another flash followed by thunder. Now the storm was directly overhead.

But Ellis still wasn't scared. No matter how strong the lightning might be. No matter how loud the thunder was.

Suddenly the earth shook. Ellis felt the mountain he was standing on begin to shake. A few stones crumbled down the chasm Ellis was standing in front of.

Ellis looked.

But he still wasn't afraid.

"Fly, Ellis, fly," said that voice again, which he had just heard.

Ellis turned around again... and then suddenly he saw a girl's face. She had long brown hair, wore a white nightgown and had large brown eyes that smiled at Ellis.

"Fly, Ellis, fly," she breathed again.

And then all of a sudden there was a great crack and lightning struck the mountain which shattered into a thousand pieces and before Ellis could know it was floating in the air with the girl and the foothills of stretched out below them Frankfurt, the city where Ellis lived.

"What's happening here?" Ellis asked. "Am I dreaming?"

"Who knows?" the girl said.

And then she took Ellis by the hand and they both flew over the city like Superman.

"Why can we fly?" Ellis wanted to know.

"We can do anything you wish for," the girl said calmly.

"Where are we going?" Ellis asked.

"Where do you want to go?" the girl asked back.

Ellis looked over the roofs of the houses.

"My school is over there," he said suddenly.

"Good," said the girl. "Let's have a look at her."

Ellis and the girl finally ended up in a large yard with an old oak tree in the middle and several benches around it. The building was barely visible in the darkness. It was shaped like a U and stretched around the yard and was open to the side where the parking lots were.

"Who are you?" Ellis then asked the girl.

The girl smiled at him, but she didn't want to answer his question. "There's nobody here," she said instead. "Shall we go in? I'd like to see your classroom."

Ellis then walked the girl to the entrance that led to the back of the building. When he tried to open the door, which he thought was locked, it actually opened.

"It's so dark in here," Ellis said. "I see nothing."

"No problem," said the girl. "I can make it morning."

Suddenly… the sun rose in a matter of seconds. The storm, which had long since passed, was no longer felt and daylight spilled into the large interior space that led to the other hallways where the classrooms were.

"How did you do that?" Ellis wanted to know. "It was still night..."

The girl smiled.

"You must be a fairy or something," Ellis stated.

"Maybe your fairy," breathed the girl.

And suddenly the school bell rang. It was a long break.

And then, in the next second… dozens of children – probably hundreds – scurried out of the classrooms into the large hallway.

Ellis was shaking because he was only wearing pajama bottoms. What if the others saw him like this?

"Don't be afraid," the girl said as she took Ellis' hand. "You can't see us. Will you show me your class now?"

"It's the 6a," said Ellis.

Then he led the girl down the hallway. There were three doors there. The last one was Ellis' class room.

He and the girl went inside.

Twelve tables were arranged in the room so that they all faced the desk and the blackboard. School bags stood under the tables. And pencil cases and notebooks lay on the tables.

"Where are you sitting?" said the girl.

Ellis ran to his seat in the penultimate row.

"Is someone sitting next to you?" the girl then asked.

And Ellis shook his head.

And finally the girl discovered something written on the blackboard. She read: “Ellis Baxter is a sister. Nobody misses you, so fuck off.”

"Ellis, what does that mean?" the girl wanted to know.

And suddenly the doorbell rang again... and the next minute the kids were coming back into the classroom.

"Come," said the girl.

And just as they were about to head for the door… Ellis saw himself. He and the girl seemed to be just spectators, and the real Ellis walked slowly to his seat, head bowed, and sat down.

"Girl," a boy said to him. "Alice in Wonderland," said another boy, who then slapped Ellis in the face.

Ellis didn't resist. He sat still and looked down.

"I'm an outsider," the Ellis in his pajama bottoms whispered to the girl he was with. "They bully me."

"I thought so," the girl said sympathetically. "Come on, let's go outside."

It was relatively warm in the morning sun, almost too warm for the end of June.

"Tomorrow is my birthday," Ellis said sadly. "None of them will come."

"Are you sure?"

Ellis snorted. "Maybe Alexander will come," he said. "He's the second most disliked in the class, next to me. But he didn't know if he could come."

"Who else is coming?" the girl asked.

"My sister invited some of her friends over," Ellis replied. "But I really don't feel like having a party."

"Come," said the girl. "Let's take a look at your home."

Then she took Ellis' hand again and they flew high into the air. They flew over the rooftops of downtown, flew over the hills of Seckbach, until they arrived at Ellis' housing estate in Bergen-Enkheim. There was an oddly shaped yellow terraced house on the slopes.

"I live on the top floor," Ellis said.

They landed on Ellis' balcony. The door to the inside of Ellis's room was open and he and the girl went inside.

In Ellis' room there was a single bed, a desk, and a bedside table with a small music system on top. Against the wall were two shelves of books and Disney comics that Ellis loved to read.

"I have to go now," the girl finally said after looking around the room. "But I would love to come back."

The stranger then put a small book on the desk before going to the balcony.

"Wait," Ellis said. "I don't know what to call you. What is your name?"

The strange girl smiled and then took off.

And in the next second, Ellis' eyes went black for a moment. When he opened his eyes again, he found himself lying in his bed.

He was breathing heavily.

He looked at the clock on his bedside table. It showed June 24th, at half past six in the morning.

Ellis was shaking.

"Today is my birthday..." he whispered softly to himself.

He slowly got up and went to his desk... and there was the small, black book that the strange girl had just put there.

Ellis opened it up...

And he read what it said: "Happy birthday to you from your friend Natalie."

"Natalie," Ellis whispered softly. "Then it wasn't a dream..."

Chapter 2 - It's Ellis' birthday

Ellis closed the book and put it in his bag, which was already packed for school. Then he slowly trudged up the stairs that led to the dining room. When he opened the door, his mother, Meredith, and father, Joseph, were already seated at the dining table. Karen, his sister, was still in the bathroom and, like every morning, blocked it off until five minutes before leaving for school, giving Ellis only minutes to wash, brush and brush his teeth.

"Congratulations, Ellis Baxter," Joseph said.

"Oh, it's my little one's birthday," Meredith said, rushing towards Ellis. Then she started snogging him all over his face and showered him with kisses. Disgusted, Ellis turned away.

"Don't!" he exclaimed.

"You're 13 years old now," Meredith said. "But you'll never grow up. You have to promise me that you will always be my little boy and that you will always live here. You know, your sister is 11 and she'll probably be moving out in a few years. But you're staying here with Mama forever, little one."

Ellis snorted.

It no longer surprised him that his father did nothing against his mother's attacks. Maybe he had already given her up. Ellis knew his mother was very weird since she was always taking those pills. He also knew that she always hit him when he didn't parry or went against his apparently overprotective nature. And he knew that Meredith blamed him for being the way she was.

karen

It was always Ellis when Karen cried or teased him or otherwise bullied him. Karen always twisted it so Ellis ended up being the culprit. And that his mother then felt overwhelmed and took pills and ended up blaming Ellis for it.

He had someone to talk to in his family – neither his father, nor his sister, nor his mother, who was overwhelmed anyway, and who wanted to bind him to her without limits, so much so that it hurt Ellis. He couldn't tell anyone if something didn't suit him or if he had problems. And it's been like this since his family moved to Germany seven years ago and his father bought this house where they live now. Since they were here, the father was not only the landlord of all the other apartments in this terraced house on the hillside in Bergen-Enkheim, he was also a respected businessman who was in the office from seven in the morning until well into the evening. And Ellis sometimes asked if he even noticed what was happening here in the family every day. Ellis sometimes even believed that it was all his fault - blame his mother had to take pills, blame his sister bullying and bullying him to death.

But today he didn't care. Because he had a secret. And that secret was in his little black book.

When Karen came out, she made no move to congratulate Ellis. She sat down at the table without a word and ate the roll with jam that her father had made for her beforehand.

"I told you no butter," Karen said.

Ellis then ran into the bathroom and quickly got ready. When he came out again - after about five or ten minutes - the father and Karen were already ready to leave.

"What are you dallying on for?" he said to Ellis.

Ellis wordlessly grabbed his school bag.

"Mom is preparing a sweet kid's birthday party," Meredith said. “Karen invited some friends over. You don't have any. You don't need any. It's going to be a nice birthday, you'll see."

"Ha!" Karen teased. "Mama's darling." She nudged Ellis in the side. "When I turn 12, I'm going to have a lavish party with boys and no parents at my girlfriend's house, who will be off duty that day."

"You're grown up, too," Meredith said to Karen. "But Ellis is a little boy."

"Hello?" Ellis wanted to say. "I'm two years older than Karen. She's 11, I'm 13, can't anyone see that?"

But he said nothing.

In the car, Ellis took the little secret book out of his pocket. And then he pulled out a pen. And then he wrote something.

I don't know what happened last night, but something very special happened. And today is a very special day. 'Cause it's the first day I've had a girlfriend. I have never had a girlfriend. But today I have one.

Her name is Natalie. I met her for the first time last night. And at first I thought it was a dream, but it was true. I found this book - which she gave me - on my desk. If it hadn't been true, the book wouldn't be there. But it was there.

Natalie, wherever you are, I hope you come back soon.

Ellis then closed the book and put it back in his school bag.

First, Joseph let Karen out at her public school, then drove Ellis to his. To the private school for lunatics, as Karen and her friends used to say.

The school that Ellis went to was by no means a special school, just next to the school there was a house that taught according to the Montessori system, which was intended for slow learners and disabled children. But the school Ellis went to was a normal private school. Externally, however, this had the reputation of a special school because of the affiliated special school.

Ellis got out of the car and strolled across the yard to the entrance of the building where his class was. When he arrived in front of the class, he was already greeted by two boys.

"Hey, here comes Alice in Wonderland," said one boy.

"Well, where's your dress, fagot?" asked the other.

They pushed Ellis around a bit until the biology teacher, Dr. Fabian arrived.

"Enough now!" shouted Dr. Fabian. "We're going to the movie room. Due to the occasion, I want to show you a film today.”

"Strong," said a girl who was also in the class, sitting on the windowsill. "Movie. No lessons."

The class then went into the movie room as a body, and then Dr. Fabian in front.

"How many of you smoke or have ever smoked?" he asked.

Of course nobody showed up. Everyone knew that Tom, the class insider and the most popular boy, was already smoking. But no one ratted on him.

"I mean, I saw Ellis in the yard with a cigarette the other day," noted Dr. Fabian fixed.

Suddenly there was a huge laugh. Everyone laughed at Ellis.

"Mr. Fabian," said Tom laconically. "You must be wrong about that. Ellis would never smoke, he's not that brave. He's way too weak to be that cool."

The class kept laughing.

Of course Fabian was wrong. Ellis had never smoked, and in fact he would never have dared to.

“Well, anyhow, this is exactly why I want to show you the following film. Many think smoking is cool. But the truth is, it's peer pressure that turns teens into smokers. And now we see how dangerous smoking is.”

The teacher then turned on the film and the class learned all about the health risks of smoking and peer pressure.

But even after the film, they didn't seem to care. Smoking was cool, and whoever was in smoked. Just like Tom.

Ellis hated Tom.

When school ended at noon, Ellis was picked up by his father. Alexander, the boy who was supposed to be the only one in his class at Ellis' party, actually went with us.

At home, the mother had already set the large table in the living room. Karen and three of her friends were already eating cake.

"You could have at least waited until I got there," Ellis muttered.

"They were hungry," Meredith clarified. "Here, look what I'm getting my little one for his birthday."

Ellis opened a package - and inside was a real digital watch, like people wore in the 80's.

"Wow," Ellis said. "Thank you."

He had wanted this watch for a long time. A real digital watch, not modern at all, in Ellis' old-fashioned taste.

Ellis was given CDs from his favorite band ABBA - another group from the late 70's and early 80's. The fact that Ellis liked old-fashioned stuff was part of the reason he was teased at school and by his sister.

"Abba!" Karen said. "Fag music. I listen to Bushido and Sido," she said.

Then, after Ellis and the others ate cake and drank cocoa, the father suggested they go for a little walk. So they set off along a path that led to a nearby forest.

"Ellis," said Kerstin, one of Karen's friends. "Have you ever kissed?"

"She means a girl," Karen said. Then she turned to her friend. “Ellis is far too immature. He has never kissed. He never gets a girlfriend.”

"But you have," said Kerstin to Karen.

Karen nodded. "I have even more than that. And that at the age of eleven."

"Wow, you're really cool," Kerstin said to Karen.

"Much cooler than Ellis. It's not cool at all,” Karen said so Ellis could hear. "Baby, baby, baby," she then sang. "Ellis is a baby."

Then her three friends sang along. "Baby, baby, baby. Ellis is a baby.”

Suddenly Ellis turned around. He charged his sister and punched her in the face.

"Ellis, that's it!" said Joseph, stepping between them.

"She called me baby," Ellis cried.

"Nobody called you baby," the father admonished him. "Karen happens to be more mature than you."

Ellis was angry. He was so angry that he took off his brand new watch and smashed it onto the stone floor. It fell into a thousand pieces at the same time.

"Ellis, what are you doing?" Meredith yelled at him. She immediately grabbed his arm and shook him violently. "Do you always have to piss me off? You are to blame. What are you doing to me?

Then she punched him in the ribs and then ran away. "Because of you, I have to take pills," she called afterwards. "You broke the clock. You're ruining the family. You always tease your sister. You are to blame."

Meredith then walked back the path and then went into the house where she went straight to the bathroom and took her drugs.

Joseph grabbed Ellis' arm and didn't let go until they got home.

"Go to your room and think about what you've done," Joseph then said, and Ellis went to his room at the same time.

After a short time Alexander came in.

"I'm sorry about your argument," he said.

Ellis just nodded.

"Your father said he's taking me home now. Well, see you tomorrow at school,” Alexander threw in.

Then he left the room.

Ellis sat down on his bed and cried softly. He didn't cry all the time. Well, that was a pity he had to break them. But he didn't cry all the time. He cried because his birthday was so messed up. And because his sister again made it look like he was to blame for everything. Blame the day for turning out the way it did.

Ellis sat and cried.

Suddenly someone stroked his head.

Ellis looked up...

"Natalie," he breathed.

Natalie hugged him.

"I was so hoping you'd come back," Ellis whispered.

"I told you so," Natalie said.

"You don't know what happened today," Ellis breathed softly.

"Yes, I know," Natalie said. "Why are they treating you like this? It's not your fault how your sister treats you. And your mother blames you for her pill addiction.”

"Is it my fault, Natalie?" Ellis asked.

Natalie shook her head.

"One day we'll go away," she said softly. "And then I'll take you with me."

"Can we fly somewhere like we did last time?" Ellis asked.

"Not today," Natalie said then. "Let's celebrate your 13th birthday."

She then pulled out a candle, which she then placed in an empty candlestick that was on Ellis' desk. Then Natalie lit the candle.

"Tell me more about yourself," she then prompted Ellis. "Now that we're friends, I want to know everything about you."

Ellis snuggled up with Natalie on the bed.

"Well," he said. "I was born in America. We emigrated to Germany years ago.”

"Not that," Natalie interrupted him. "I want to hear about your feelings."

Ellis looked sad. "Sometimes I wonder if it's really all my fault," he began. "The way everyone is with me. Just like they are in school. Just like my family is to me. I don't have anyone to talk to. Sometimes I think I'm really a spasti. An idiot. A weirdo or a dreamer who is weak, a wimp and doesn't dare."

"Oh, Ellis," Natalie said. "You dare a lot more than you might think at the moment." She gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Just think of the mountain that exploded. And the thunderstorm. You weren't afraid."

"But I'm not, Natalie," Ellis disagreed. "It was probably just a dream. But in real life I'm scared. In real life I have to cover my ears during thunderstorms. In real life, I'm a wimp."

"I bet not?" Natalie smiled.

Ellis looked at her questioningly.

"Come on, kiss me," she said quietly. "On the mouth."

"A real kiss?" Ellis probed.

"Do you dare?" Natalie asked him.

And then Ellis kissed Natalie on the mouth.

"Do you see? I told you,” Natalie said, smiling.

"It was so... so..." Ellis whispered... but when he turned around, Natalie was gone.

And Ellis exhaled deeply.

He went to his desk, took the small black book out of his pocket and wrote:

I kissed a girl today. Today, on my 13th birthday. And that was the best birthday present I've ever received.

Natalie was just there. I don't know how she always does it - sometimes she's there, sometimes she's gone. She always shows up. And I have the feeling that when I really long for her, or even for a person I can talk to, then she comes. I can trust Natalie. I can tell her anything. i think i love her

Natalie already knew what had happened when she got here tonight. She already knew my birthday was a mess. That Karen made me freak out again. That mother would blame me again for taking pills. That everyone blames me again. That everyone got me.

Natalie already knew. Sometimes I think she knows things beforehand. before they happen She said to me one day we'll run away. If that's true?

I, Ellis Baxter, have a girlfriend now. That's correct. This is true. And I don't care about anything else today.

Ellis then closed the book and put it back. Then he lay down on his bed and closed his eyes.

Chapter 3 - In the swimming pool

It was so far.

It should open today. For days Karen, Ellis' sister, had been looking forward to going to the new local pool with her friends. It was large with several pools and a large outdoor area.

Of course Karen wanted to go there alone with her friends, lying half-naked on the grass at the age of 11 and teasing young men. That was her style.

Of course, Ellis would have loved to have gone with him. But Karen didn't like him. And with her friends he was just the little wimp.

Of course, Meredith would never have let Ellis into the pool alone. If he went with him, she would accompany him, she had suggested that to him several times in the past few days. Meredith was convinced Ellis couldn't go to the pool without his mother.

"Mausispecki, where are your swimming trunks?", called the mother.

Ellis was sitting on the desk chair in his room. He kept turning, waving his hands in front of his face.

"Mouse bacon," his mother called again.

"Leave him, mother," Karen yelled from her room. "He's not going anyway. I want to go to the pool alone with my friends.”

Ellis wasn't listening carefully to what Meredith and Karen were discussing. He heard his sister scream but he didn't seem to understand the words.

Ellis was crazy. A psycho, a loner that nobody wanted anyway. He knew that. Nor did he care what his sister discussed with her mother.

He would have liked to go to the swimming pool. But not if his mother were there.

Ellis slowly walked up the stairs from his room and closed the door that connected his apartment to the rest of the flat.

Ellis lay down on the bed. He started dreaming.

The images were blurry. Ellis saw himself flying over the city. He was hovering over the big mall in the middle of the day. He then flew on to the winding road at the Ried. There he landed and sat on the shore of the lake.

"Natalie," he whispered softly.

Now he would like to be with her. With his secret girlfriend who nobody knew. But she wasn't there.

In the bush next to Ellis he suddenly found a small, battery-operated model boat with a remote control. Ellis looked at it for a while. Then he took it carefully. He turned it on and then put the boat in the water.

While he was playing and enjoying the beautiful curves the boat drew in the water, he forgot all about the time.

When he thought it was getting late - which wasn't true - his mother called him again and roused him from his dreams.

Ellis lay on his bed and cried.

"Mausispecki, your sister wanted to be with her friends, all to herself. You have to understand that," said the mother, while she sat down on the bed with Ellis.

Disgusted, Ellis turned away and looked out the window.

"We're going to the swimming pool tomorrow," his mother told him. "Just you and me. Then you'll have me all to yourself, just like you always want."

Those were exactly those moments where Ellis was able to turn his mind and entire body off completely. It was almost like he wasn't in his body anymore.

What happened next, Ellis didn't know. He didn't get it. He heard his screams, his weeping. But he felt nothing.

A little later he found himself on the large lawn in the outdoor pool.

Was it the same day? Ellis didn't know.

He looked around. He was looking for Karen and her friends. But they weren't there.

When Ellis looked beside him, he saw his mother. She lay on her big belly and watched Ellis.

He looked down at himself.

Ellis was naked. He wasn't even wearing swimming trunks. He was startled.

"Damn it, mother," he yelled. "Where's my bathing suit? Why am I naked?”

"Calm down, Ellis," said the mother. "It doesn't matter if you're naked. You are my little boy and everyone can see you.”

Ellis was crying.

"You took them off yourself," his mother made clear to him. "Your swimming trunks were wet. And you have to take off wet bathing suits.”

Ellis stood up.

His mother then pulled out a camera and snapped a picture of Ellis, stark naked as he was.

Ellis ran away. He ran into the changing room and locked himself in.

Why did his mother do that? Why did she expose him like that in public? After all, he was 13 years old, he had a right to his privacy, and even more so to his intimate sphere.

He shouldn't feel ashamed, his mother used to tell him. As long as she's by his side, he shouldn't feel ashamed.

Ellis thought of Karen. If it's true that he's had one of his blackouts since yesterday afternoon, Karen was at the pool yesterday. She was there alone with her friends. And she had no shame—at least not toward young, grown men who feasted on the naked bodies of 11-year-old girls. Karen liked turning these men on. Sure, the way she looked, she could easily pass for 17, or so Karen thought.

For a moment, Ellis thought about whether his nudity might turn on girls as young as 15 or 16 as well. But he felt far too unattractive for it himself, and besides, he had no desire to tease young women.

Ellis thought about Natalie, his secret girlfriend. Only recently, when it was Ellis' birthday, she came into his life. She understood him. She liked him the way he was. And I'm sure he was attractive to her, too.

If only she were here now.

Ellis sat huddled in the cabin and cried. He barely noticed that someone pushed his clothes under the slit.

"Mausispecki, will you please get dressed?", he heard his mother's voice. "It's time to go."

Ellis quietly picked up his clothes and got dressed.

What happened next, he no longer knew. No sooner had he and his mother left the pool than he had one of his blackouts again.

The next thing Ellis remembered was he was lying on the bed in his room, crying. It must be late at night because it was dark outside.

Ellis didn't know what day it was. He didn't know how much time had passed since his last memory. Something had erased everything. And secretly, Ellis was glad.

Chapter 4 - The bad grade in German

This morning, Ellis' father was supposed to pick up a classmate of Ellis's on the way to school. Her name was Jasmine. She wasn't actually that bad because she left Ellis alone most of the time. So he didn't mind her going with him.

As she got into the car, she blurted out some happy news. "I think we're getting the German work back today, Ellis," she said. “I feel like I have a 2 or an 1. What do you think your rating will be, Ellis?”

"Oh shit. The German work…” Ellis thought to herself without saying it.

Ellis shrugged.

The first hour was chemistry lessons, with Mr. Schulte. He was known for conducting experiments with chemicals that made a loud bang. Ellis was always terrified of chemistry.

The class was already gathered in front of the door of the chemistry room, and a classmate named Stefan was reading Bravo – a youth magazine that was still known today for its famous educational page.

"Cool, you have the new Bravo," Tom told him. "Check out the sex site who wrote that."

Stefan opened the education page, where young people with their problems go to the famous Dr. summer could write.

"Here, you must read this," he called. And at the same time, some boys and girls gathered next to Stefan, who was sitting on the floor in front of the door.

"I can't get it up," he began to read. "I'm 13 years old and I still can't get a hard-on. I try every night when I'm alone, but it just doesn't work. Am I okay?” Stefan laughed when he was done. The answer underneath didn't interest him or his classmates at all. "Ha!" he laughed. "He's thirteen and can't get up. Haha…"

Everyone laughed.

Just not Ellis. "Can you get a high?" he then slipped out.

The class fell silent and looked at Ellis.

Stefan looked into Ellis' eyes. He made no move to respond to Ellis' question.

"Ellis sent the letter over there," he said.

He then started laughing out loud.

And the whole class laughed at Ellis.

Ellis - although he had not written to this magazine - sank to the ground with embarrassment.

Only when the chemistry teacher, Herr Schulte, came did the class stop laughing.

In the last lesson today, the class had German lessons. The paper they had written last week was an essay on the topic of "social interaction" - a topic on which Ellis could have had so many ideas. But instead he got lost in a fairy tale about a fairy who helps the poor and conjures up food for the hungry.

It happened the way it had to. When the teacher handed the workbook back to Ellis, he looked at him. "Ellis Baxter - another 6. Keep it up and you'll be out at the end of the year."

The class laughed at Ellis. She laughed at Ellis until the German teacher admonished her.

What should Ellis say to his father? Tomorrow they would take Jasmine - who got a B+ by the way - back to school and then she would brag about her B and snitch that Ellis had a B.

Ellis didn't want to tell his father. Especially not his mother, because she would make him out to be a dependent baby again, and maybe she would hit him again or take pills.

When Ellis was picked up by his father and then taken home - the father drove back to his office immediately afterwards - Ellis didn't tell him about work. He just sat in the car and didn't say a word.

And the father made no move to ask him or tell him anything.

Ellis came into the apartment. His mother wasn't there and his father was already on his way back to town. Only Karen sat alone at the dining table and smoked a cigarette.

"You smoke?" Ellis asked.

"Sure," Karen laughed. "Everyone who is in does it. But you don't know that."

Ellis made a dismissive gesture and immediately went to his room. Then he took out his diary and wrote.

Karen smokes. I caught her doing it today. i want to smoke too I want to be cool too. And in. Why is Karen allowed to do something adult like that and I can't? Why does Karen have to be the tall one and I the short one when I'm 2 years older? i hate karen

I got a 6 back in German. I don't dare say that to daddy or mother. I think mother will hit me again then.

Why does she always hit me? Never Karen?

i want to go away i want to leave here

For hours Ellis sat wordlessly at his desk, the open diary in front of him. When he finally closed it, it was already getting dark outside.

"So you want to leave?" A girl's voice suddenly asked.

Ellis turned around... and suddenly there was Natalie sitting on his bed.

"Natalie," Ellis exclaimed. "How do you always do that? Every time I think of you, you come and you are there.”

Natalie smiled. "Nice shit with your 6 in German, isn't it?"

"Who are you telling that to?" Ellis said. "I have no idea how to tell Daddy that."

"He'll find out tomorrow when he loads Jasmine into the car."

Ellis snorted.

"Your sister smoked," Natalie said. "Do you think smoking is cool too?"

Ellis looked at her.

"Do you smoke?" he asked Natalie.

"Nope," she replied. "I don't think smoking is cool. You taste like an ashtray when kissing.”

Ellis couldn't help but grin.

"I don't think it's cool either," he said. "But somehow I would like to be cool."

"Really hip," Natalie said.

Ellis nodded.

"I don't even know if that's what I want to be," she said quietly. "Are you sure you want to run away?"

Ellis nodded.

"Come on then," Natalie said.

"How, come on then?" Ellis wanted to know.

"Pack up a few things and then we'll go."

Ellis looked at her.

"We don't call it running away," she explained. "We call it not letting problems get to you." She took Ellis's hand. “Take your secret book with you, you will need it. And a blanket.”

Ellis wrapped a blanket, picked up his school bag, and then he and Natalie walked out a separate door that led from his room downstairs directly into the building's stairwell. He quietly crept down with her and then carefully opened the front door.

"Will you notice that I'm gone?" he asked Natalie in a whisper.

Natalie shook her head.

And then Ellis and Natalie ran across the path into the adjoining wooded area. And Ellis couldn't believe he dared to do something like that. He had actually run away from home. He, Ellis Baxter, did something really wild and brave.

As they walked silently and without a word, the bright moon shone on the adjacent fields.

Chapter 5 - The night somewhere else

It was very quiet out here at the edge of the forest. A few birds were still singing their song in the late evening hours, while Ellis and Natalie ran along a path that led along the slope, under which a wide field stretched.

"Break," Ellis said then.

"We've only walked for half an hour," Natalie replied.

Ellis gasped.

"Okay, break," Natalie finally said.

They sat down on a bench right by the wayside.

For minutes they said nothing and just looked at each other.

"Have you noticed?" Ellis finally asked.

Natalie shrugged. "If not, they'll find out in the morning."

Suddenly they heard a dog howling in the distance. But it could also have come from a wolf.

Ellis was startled.

"Are there wolves here?" Natalie wanted to know.

"Don't know," Ellis said.

"Are you scared?"

Ellis looked at his girlfriend. "Not when you're with me," he replied.

"I'm hungry," Natalie said quietly.

Ellis snorted loudly. "I didn't even think of that."

"Then we don't have anything to eat with us?

---ENDE DER LESEPROBE---