LISPETH.
Look, you have cast out Love!
What Gods are these You bid me please?
The Three in One, the One in
Three? Not so! To my own Gods I go.
It may be they shall give me
greater ease Than your cold Christ and tangled Trinities.
The Convert.
She was the daughter of Sonoo, a
Hill–man, and Jadeh his wife. One year their maize failed, and two
bears spent the night in their only poppy–field just above the
Sutlej Valley on the Kotgarth side; so, next season, they turned
Christian, and brought their baby to the Mission to be baptized.
The Kotgarth Chaplain christened her Elizabeth, and “Lispeth” is
the Hill or pahari pronunciation.
Later, cholera came into the
Kotgarth Valley and carried off Sonoo and Jadeh, and Lispeth became
half–servant, half–companion to the wife of the then Chaplain of
Kotgarth. This was after the reign of the Moravian missionaries,
but before Kotgarth had quite forgotten her title of “Mistress of
the Northern Hills.”
Whether Christianity improved
Lispeth, or whether the gods of her own people would have done as
much for her under any circumstances, I do not know; but she grew
very lovely. When a Hill girl grows lovely, she is worth traveling
fifty miles over bad ground to look upon. Lispeth had a Greek
face—one of those faces people paint so often, and see so seldom.
She was of a pale, ivory color and, for her race, extremely tall.
Also, she possessed eyes that were wonderful; and, had she not been
dressed in the abominable print–cloths affected by Missions, you
would, meeting her on the hill–side unexpectedly, have thought her
the original Diana of the Romans going out to slay.
Lispeth took to Christianity
readily, and did not abandon it when she reached womanhood, as do
some Hill girls. Her own people hated her because she had, they
said, become a memsahib and washed herself daily; and the
Chaplain’s wife did not know what to do with her. Somehow, one
cannot ask a stately goddess, five foot ten in her shoes, to clean
plates and dishes. So she played with the Chaplain’s children and
took classes in the Sunday School, and read all the books in the
house, and grew more and more beautiful, like the Princesses in
fairy tales. The Chaplain’s wife said that the girl ought to take
service in Simla as a nurse or something “genteel.” But Lispeth did
not want to take service. She was very happy where she was.
When travellers—there were not
many in those years—came to Kotgarth, Lispeth used to lock herself
into her own room for fear they might take her away to Simla, or
somewhere out into the unknown world.
One day, a few months after she
was seventeen years old, Lispeth went out for a walk. She
did not walk in the manner of
English ladies—a mile and a half out, and a ride back again. She
covered between twenty and thirty miles in her little
constitutionals, all about and about, between Kotgarth and
Narkunda. This time she came back at full dusk, stepping down the
breakneck descent into Kotgarth with something heavy in her arms.
The Chaplain’s wife was dozing in the drawing–room when Lispeth
came in breathing hard and very exhausted with her burden. Lispeth
put it down on the sofa, and said simply:
“This is my husband. I found him
on the Bagi Road. He has hurt himself. We will nurse him, and when
he is well, your husband shall marry him to me.”
This was the first mention
Lispeth had ever made of her matrimonial views, and the Chaplain’s
wife shrieked with horror. However, the man on the sofa needed
attention first. He was a young Englishman, and his head had been
cut to the bone by something jagged. Lispeth said she had found him
down the khud, so she had brought him in. He was breathing queerly
and was unconscious.
He was put to bed and tended by
the Chaplain, who knew something of medicine; and Lispeth waited
outside the door in case she could be useful. She explained to the
Chaplain that this was the man she meant to marry; and the Chaplain
and his wife lectured her severely on the impropriety of her
conduct. Lispeth listened quietly, and repeated her first
proposition. It takes a great deal of Christianity to wipe out
uncivilized Eastern instincts, such as falling in love at first
sight. Lispeth, having found the man she worshipped, did not see
why she should keep silent as to her choice. She had no intention
of being sent away, either. She was going to nurse that Englishman
until he was well enough to marry her.
This was her little
programme.
After a fortnight of slight fever
and inflammation, the Englishman recovered coherence and thanked
the Chaplain and his wife, and Lispeth—especially Lispeth—for their
kindness. He was a traveller in the East, he said—they never talked
about “globe–trotters” in those days, when the P. & O. fleet
was young and small—and had come from Dehra Dun to hunt for plants
and butterflies among the Simla hills. No one at Simla, therefore,
knew anything about him. He fancied he must have fallen over the
cliff while stalking a fern on a rotten tree–trunk, and that his
coolies must have stolen his baggage and fled. He thought he would
go back to Simla when he was a little stronger. He desired no more
mountaineering.
He made small haste to go away,
and recovered his strength slowly. Lispeth objected to being
advised either by the Chaplain or his wife; so the latter spoke to
the Englishman, and told him how matters stood in Lispeth’s heart.
He laughed a good deal, and said it was very pretty and romantic, a
perfect idyl of the Himalayas; but, as he was engaged to a girl at
Home, he fancied that nothing would happen. Certainly he would
behave with discretion. He did that. Still he found it very
pleasant to talk to Lispeth, and walk with Lispeth, and say nice
things to her, and call her pet names while he was getting strong
enough to go away. It meant nothing at all to him, and everything
in the world to Lispeth. She was very happy while the fortnight
lasted, because she had found a man to love.
Being a savage by birth, she took
no trouble to hide her feelings, and the Englishman was amused.
When he went away, Lispeth walked with him, up the Hill as far as
Narkunda, very troubled and very miserable. The Chaplain’s wife,
being a good Christian and
disliking anything in the shape
of fuss or scandal—Lispeth was beyond her management entirely—had
told the Englishman to tell Lispeth that he was coming back to
marry her. “She is but a child, you know, and, I fear, at heart a
heathen,” said the Chaplain’s wife. So all the twelve miles up the
hill the Englishman, with his arm around Lispeth’s waist, was
assuring the girl that he would come back and marry her; and
Lispeth made him promise over and over again. She wept on the
Narkunda Ridge till he had passed out of sight along the Muttiani
path.
Then she dried her tears and went
in to Kotgarth again, and said to the Chaplain’s wife: “He will
come back and marry me. He has gone to his own people to tell them
so.” And the Chaplain’s wife soothed Lispeth and said: “He will
come back.” At the end of two months, Lispeth grew impatient, and
was told that the Englishman had gone over the seas to England. She
knew where England was, because she had read little geography
primers; but, of course, she had no conception of the nature of the
sea, being a Hill girl. There was an old puzzle–map of the World in
the House. Lispeth had played with it when she was a child. She
unearthed it again, and put it together of evenings, and cried to
herself, and tried to imagine where her Englishman was. As she had
no ideas of distance or steamboats, her notions were somewhat
erroneous. It would not have made the least difference had she been
perfectly correct; for the Englishman had no intention of coming
back to marry a Hill girl. He forgot all about her by the time he
was butterfly–hunting in Assam. He wrote a book on the East
afterwards. Lispeth’s name did not appear.
At the end of three months,
Lispeth made daily pilgrimage to Narkunda to see if her Englishman
was coming along the road. It gave her comfort, and the Chaplain’s
wife, finding her happier, thought that she was getting over her
“barbarous and most indelicate folly.” A little later the walks
ceased to help Lispeth and her temper grew very bad. The Chaplain’s
wife thought this a profitable time to let her know the real state
of affairs—that the Englishman had only promised his love to keep
her quiet—that he had never meant anything, and that it was “wrong
and improper” of Lispeth to think of marriage with an Englishman,
who was of a superior clay, besides being promised in marriage to a
girl of his own people. Lispeth said that all this was clearly
impossible, because he had said he loved her, and the Chaplain’s
wife had, with her own lips, asserted that the Englishman was
coming back.
“How can what he and you said be
untrue?” asked Lispeth.
“We said it as an excuse to keep
you quiet, child,” said the Chaplain’s wife. “Then you have lied to
me,” said Lispeth, “you and he?”
The Chaplain’s wife bowed her
head, and said nothing. Lispeth was silent, too for a little time;
then she went out down the valley, and returned in the dress of a
Hill girl— infamously dirty, but without the nose and ear rings.
She had her hair braided into the long pig–tail, helped out with
black thread, that Hill women wear.
“I am going back to my own
people,” said she. “You have killed Lispeth. There is only left old
Jadeh’s daughter—the daughter of a pahari and the servant of Tarka
Devi. You are all liars, you English.”
By the time that the Chaplain’s
wife had recovered from the shock of the announcement that Lispeth
had ‘verted to her mother’s gods, the girl had gone; and she never
came back.
She took to her own unclean
people savagely, as if to make up the arrears of the life she had
stepped out of; and, in a little time, she married a wood–cutter
who beat her, after the manner of paharis, and her beauty faded
soon.
“There is no law whereby you can
account for the vagaries of the heathen,” said the Chaplain’s wife,
“and I believe that Lispeth was always at heart an infidel.” Seeing
she had been taken into the Church of England at the mature age of
five weeks, this statement does not do credit to the Chaplain’s
wife.
Lispeth was a very old woman when
she died. She always had a perfect command of English, and when she
was sufficiently drunk, could sometimes be induced to tell the
story of her first love–affair.
It was hard then to realize that
the bleared, wrinkled creature, so like a wisp of charred rag,
could ever have been “Lispeth of the Kotgarth Mission.”
THREE AND
An Extra.
“When halter and heel ropes are
slipped, do not give chase with sticks but with gram.”
Punjabi Proverb.
After marriage arrives a
reaction, sometimes a big, sometimes a little one; but it comes
sooner or later, and must be tided over by both parties if they
desire the rest of their lives to go with the current.
In the case of the
Cusack–Bremmils this reaction did not set in till the third year
after the wedding. Bremmil was hard to hold at the best of times;
but he was a beautiful husband until the baby died and Mrs. Bremmil
wore black, and grew thin, and mourned as if the bottom of the
universe had fallen out. Perhaps Bremmil ought to have comforted
her. He tried to do so, I think; but the more he comforted the more
Mrs. Bremmil grieved, and, consequently, the more uncomfortable
Bremmil grew. The fact was that they both needed a tonic. And they
got it. Mrs. Bremmil can afford to laugh now, but it was no
laughing matter to her at the time.
You see, Mrs. Hauksbee appeared
on the horizon; and where she existed was fair chance of trouble.
At Simla her bye–name was the “Stormy Petrel.” She had won that
title five times to my own certain knowledge. She was a little,
brown, thin, almost skinny, woman, with big, rolling, violet–blue
eyes, and the sweetest manners in the world. You had only to
mention her name at afternoon teas for every woman in the room to
rise up, and call her— well—NOT blessed. She was clever, witty,
brilliant, and sparkling beyond most of her kind; but possessed of
many devils of malice and mischievousness. She could be nice,
though, even to her own sex. But that is another story.
Bremmil went off at score after
the baby’s death and the general discomfort that followed, and Mrs.
Hauksbee annexed him. She took no pleasure in hiding her captives.
She annexed him publicly, and saw that the public saw it. He rode
with her, and walked with her, and talked with her, and picnicked
with her, and tiffined at Peliti’s with her, till people put up
their eyebrows and said: “Shocking!” Mrs. Bremmil stayed at home
turning over the dead baby’s frocks and crying into the empty
cradle. She did not care to do anything else. But some eight dear,
affectionate lady–friends explained the situation at length to her
in case she should miss the cream of it. Mrs. Bremmil listened
quietly, and thanked them for their good offices. She was not as
clever as Mrs. Hauksbee, but she was no fool. She kept her own
counsel, and did not speak to Bremmil of what she had heard. This
is worth remembering. Speaking to, or crying over, a husband never
did any good yet.
When Bremmil was at home, which
was not often, he was more affectionate than usual; and that showed
his hand. The affection was forced partly to soothe his own
conscience and partly to soothe Mrs. Bremmil. It failed in both
regards.
Then “the A.–D.–C. in Waiting was
commanded by Their Excellencies, Lord and Lady Lytton, to invite
Mr. and Mrs. Cusack–Bremmil to Peterhoff on July 26th at 9.30 P.
M.”—“Dancing” in the bottom–left–hand corner.
“I can’t go,” said Mrs. Bremmil,
“it is too soon after poor little Florrie…but it need not stop you,
Tom.”
She meant what she said then, and
Bremmil said that he would go just to put in an appearance. Here he
spoke the thing which was not; and Mrs. Bremmil knew it. She
guessed—a woman’s guess is much more accurate than a man’s
certainty—that he had meant to go from the first, and with Mrs.
Hauksbee. She sat down to think, and the outcome of her thoughts
was that the memory of a dead child was worth considerably less
than the affections of a living husband. She made her plan and
staked her all upon it. In that hour she discovered that she knew
Tom Bremmil thoroughly, and this knowledge she acted on.
“Tom,” said she, “I shall be
dining out at the Longmores’ on the evening of the 26th. You’d
better dine at the club.”
This saved Bremmil from making an
excuse to get away and dine with Mrs. Hauksbee, so he was grateful,
and felt small and mean at the same time—which was wholesome.
Bremmil left the house at five
for a ride. About half–past five in the evening a large
leather–covered basket came in from Phelps’ for Mrs. Bremmil. She
was a woman who knew how to dress; and she had not spent a week on
designing that dress and having it gored, and hemmed, and
herring–boned, and tucked and rucked (or whatever the terms are)
for nothing. It was a gorgeous dress—slight mourning. I can’t
describe it, but it was what The Queen calls “a creation”—a thing
that hit you straight between the eyes and made you gasp. She had
not much heart for what she was going to do; but as she glanced at
the long mirror she had the satisfaction of knowing that she had
never looked so well in her life. She was a large blonde and, when
she chose, carried herself superbly.
After the dinner at the
Longmores, she went on to the dance—a little late—and encountered
Bremmil with Mrs. Hauksbee on his arm. That made her flush, and as
the men crowded round her for dances she looked magnificent. She
filled up all her dances except three, and those she left blank.
Mrs. Hauksbee caught her eye once; and she knew it was war—real
war—between them. She started handicapped in the struggle, for she
had ordered Bremmil about just the least little bit in the world
too much; and he was beginning to resent it. Moreover, he had never
seen his wife look so lovely. He stared at her from doorways, and
glared at her from passages as she went about with her partners;
and the more he stared, the more taken was he. He could scarcely
believe that this was the woman with the red eyes and the black
stuff gown who used to weep over the eggs at breakfast.
Mrs. Hauksbee did her best to
hold him in play, but, after two dances, he crossed over to his
wife and asked for a dance.
“I’m afraid you’ve come too late,
MISTER Bremmil,” she said, with her eyes twinkling.
Then he begged her to give him a
dance, and, as a great favor, she allowed him the fifth waltz.
Luckily 5 stood vacant on his programme. They danced it together,
and there was a little flutter round the room. Bremmil had a sort
of notion that his wife could dance, but he never knew she danced
so divinely. At the end of that waltz he asked for another—as
a
favor, not as a right; and Mrs.
Bremmil said: “Show me your programme, dear!” He showed it as a
naughty little schoolboy hands up contraband sweets to a master.
There was a fair sprinkling of “H” on it besides “H” at supper.
Mrs. Bremmil said nothing, but she smiled contemptuously, ran her
pencil through 7 and 9—two “H’s”—and returned the card with her own
name written above—a pet name that only she and her husband used.
Then she shook her finger at him, and said, laughing: “Oh, you
silly, SILLY boy!”
Mrs. Hauksbee heard that, and—she
owned as much—felt that she had the worst of it. Bremmil accepted 7
and 9 gratefully. They danced 7, and sat out 9 in one of the little
tents. What Bremmil said and what Mrs. Bremmil said is no concern
of any one’s.
When the band struck up “The
Roast Beef of Old England,” the two went out into the verandah, and
Bremmil began looking for his wife’s dandy (this was before
‘rickshaw days) while she went into the cloak–room. Mrs. Hauksbee
came up and said: “You take me in to supper, I think, Mr. Bremmil.”
Bremmil turned red and looked foolish. “Ah— h’m! I’m going home
with my wife, Mrs. Hauksbee. I think there has been a little
mistake.” Being a man, he spoke as though Mrs. Hauksbee were
entirely responsible.
Mrs. Bremmil came out of the
cloak–room in a swansdown cloak with a white “cloud” round her
head. She looked radiant; and she had a right to.
The couple went off in the
darkness together, Bremmil riding very close to the dandy.
Then says Mrs. Hauksbee to me—she
looked a trifle faded and jaded in the lamplight: “Take my word for
it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man; but it needs a very
clever woman to manage a fool.”
Then we went in to supper.
THROWN AWAY.
“And some are sulky, while some
will plunge [So ho! Steady! Stand still, you!]
Some you must gentle, and some
you must lunge. [There! There! Who wants to kill you?] Some—there
are losses in every trade—
Will break their hearts ere
bitted and made, Will fight like fiends as the rope cuts hard, And
die dumb–mad in the breaking–yard.”
Toolungala Stockyard
Chorus.
To rear a boy under what parents
call the “sheltered life system” is, if the boy must go into the
world and fend for himself, not wise. Unless he be one in a
thousand he has certainly to pass through many unnecessary
troubles; and may, possibly, come to extreme grief simply from
ignorance of the proper proportions of things.
Let a puppy eat the soap in the
bath–room or chew a newly–blacked boot. He chews and chuckles
until, by and by, he finds out that blacking and Old Brown Windsor
make him very sick; so he argues that soap and boots are not
wholesome. Any old dog about the house will soon show him the
unwisdom of biting big dogs’ ears. Being young, he remembers and
goes abroad, at six months, a well–mannered little beast with a
chastened appetite. If he had been kept away from boots, and soap,
and big dogs till he came to the trinity full–grown and with
developed teeth, just consider how fearfully sick and thrashed he
would be! Apply that motion to the “sheltered life,” and see how it
works. It does not sound pretty, but it is the better of two
evils.
There was a Boy once who had been
brought up under the “sheltered life” theory; and the theory killed
him dead. He stayed with his people all his days, from the hour he
was born till the hour he went into Sandhurst nearly at the top of
the list. He was beautifully taught in all that wins marks by a
private tutor, and carried the extra weight of “never having given
his parents an hour’s anxiety in his life.” What he learnt at
Sandhurst beyond the regular routine is of no great consequence. He
looked about him, and he found soap and blacking, so to speak, very
good. He ate a little, and came out of Sandhurst not so high as he
went in. Them there was an interval and a scene with his people,
who expected much from him. Next a year of living “unspotted from
the world” in a third–rate depot battalion where all the juniors
were children, and all the seniors old women; and lastly he came
out to India, where he was cut off from the support of his parents,
and had no one to fall back on in time of trouble except
himself.
Now India is a place beyond all
others where one must not take things too seriously—the midday sun
always excepted. Too much work and too much energy kill a man just
as effectively as too much assorted vice or too much drink.
Flirtation does not matter because every one is being transferred
and either you or she leave the Station, and never return.
Good work does not matter,
because a man is judged by his worst output and another man takes
all the credit of his best as a rule. Bad work does not matter,
because other men do worse, and incompetents hang on longer in
India than anywhere else. Amusements do not matter, because you
must repeat them as soon as you have accomplished them once, and
most amusements only mean trying to win another person’s money.
Sickness does not matter, because it’s all in the day’s work, and
if you die another man takes over your place and your office in the
eight hours between death and burial. Nothing matters except Home
furlough and acting allowances, and these only because they are
scarce. This is a slack, kutcha country where all men work with
imperfect instruments; and the wisest thing is to take no one and
nothing in earnest, but to escape as soon as ever you can to some
place where amusement is amusement and a reputation worth the
having.
But this Boy—the tale is as old
as the Hills—came out, and took all things seriously. He was pretty
and was petted. He took the pettings seriously, and fretted over
women not worth saddling a pony to call upon. He found his new free
life in India very good. It DOES look attractive in the beginning,
from a Subaltern’s point of view—all ponies, partners, dancing, and
so on. He tasted it as the puppy tastes the soap. Only he came late
to the eating, with a growing set of teeth. He had no sense of
balance—just like the puppy
—and could not understand why he
was not treated with the consideration he received under his
father’s roof. This hurt his feelings.
He quarrelled with other boys,
and, being sensitive to the marrow, remembered these quarrels, and
they excited him. He found whist, and gymkhanas, and things of that
kind (meant to amuse one after office) good; but he took them
seriously too, just as he took the “head” that followed after
drink. He lost his money over whist and gymkhanas because they were
new to him.
He took his losses seriously, and
wasted as much energy and interest over a two– goldmohur race for
maiden ekka–ponies with their manes hogged, as if it had been the
Derby. One–half of this came from inexperience—much as the puppy
squabbles with the corner of the hearth–rug—and the other half from
the dizziness bred by stumbling out of his quiet life into the
glare and excitement of a livelier one. No one told him about the
soap and the blacking because an average man takes it for granted
that an average man is ordinarily careful in regard to them. It was
pitiful to watch The Boy knocking himself to pieces, as an
over–handled colt falls down and cuts himself when he gets away
from the groom.
This unbridled license in
amusements not worth the trouble of breaking line for, much less
rioting over, endured for six months—all through one cold
weather—and then we thought that the heat and the knowledge of
having lost his money and health and lamed his horses would sober
The Boy down, and he would stand steady. In ninety–nine cases out
of a hundred this would have happened. You can see the principle
working in any Indian Station. But this particular case fell
through because The Boy was sensitive and took things seriously—as
I may have said some seven times before. Of course, we couldn’t
tell how his excesses struck him personally. They were nothing very
heart–breaking or above the average. He might be crippled for life
financially, and want a little nursing. Still the memory of his
performances would wither away in one hot weather, and the shroff
would help him to tide over the money troubles. But he must have
taken another view altogether
and have believed himself ruined
beyond redemption. His Colonel talked to him severely when the cold
weather ended. That made him more wretched than ever; and it was
only an ordinary “Colonel’s wigging!”
What follows is a curious
instance of the fashion in which we are all linked together and
made responsible for one another. THE thing that kicked the beam in
The Boy’s mind was a remark that a woman made when he was talking
to her. There is no use in repeating it, for it was only a cruel
little sentence, rapped out before thinking, that made him flush to
the roots of his hair. He kept himself to himself for three days,
and then put in for two days’ leave to go shooting near a Canal
Engineer’s Rest House about thirty miles out. He got his leave, and
that night at Mess was noisier and more offensive than ever. He
said that he was “going to shoot big game”, and left at half–past
ten o’clock in an ekka. Partridge— which was the only thing a man
could get near the Rest House—is not big game; so every one
laughed.
Next morning one of the Majors
came in from short leave, and heard that The Boy had gone out to
shoot “big game.” The Major had taken an interest in The Boy, and
had, more than once, tried to check him in the cold weather. The
Major put up his eyebrows when he heard of the expedition and went
to The Boy’s room, where he rummaged.
Presently he came out and found
me leaving cards on the Mess. There was no one else in the
ante–room.
He said: “The Boy has gone out
shooting. DOES a man shoot tetur with a revolver and a
writing–case?”
I said: “Nonsense, Major!” for I
saw what was in his mind.
He said: “Nonsense or nonsense,
I’m going to the Canal now—at once. I don’t feel easy.” Then he
thought for a minute, and said: “Can you lie?”
“You know best,” I answered.
“It’s my profession.”
“Very well,” said the Major; “you
must come out with me now—at once—in an ekka to the Canal to shoot
black–buck. Go and put on shikar–kit—quick—and drive here with a
gun.”
The Major was a masterful man;
and I knew that he would not give orders for nothing. So I obeyed,
and on return found the Major packed up in an ekka—gun–cases and
food slung below—all ready for a shooting–trip.
He dismissed the driver and drove
himself. We jogged along quietly while in the station; but as soon
as we got to the dusty road across the plains, he made that pony
fly. A country–bred can do nearly anything at a pinch. We covered
the thirty miles in under three hours, but the poor brute was
nearly dead.
Once I said: “What’s the blazing
hurry, Major?”
He said, quietly: “The Boy has
been alone, by himself, for—one, two, five—fourteen hours now! I
tell you, I don’t feel easy.”
This uneasiness spread itself to
me, and I helped to beat the pony.
When we came to the Canal
Engineer’s Rest House the Major called for The Boy’s
servant; but there was no answer.
Then we went up to the house, calling for The Boy by name; but
there was no answer.
“Oh, he’s out shooting,” said
I.
Just then I saw through one of
the windows a little hurricane–lamp burning. This was at four in
the afternoon. We both stopped dead in the verandah, holding our
breath to catch every sound; and we heard, inside the room, the
“brr—brr—brr” of a multitude of flies. The Major said nothing, but
he took off his helmet and we entered very softly.
The Boy was dead on the charpoy
in the centre of the bare, lime–washed room. He had shot his head
nearly to pieces with his revolver. The gun–cases were still
strapped, so was the bedding, and on the table lay The Boy’s
writing–case with photographs. He had gone away to die like a
poisoned rat!
The Major said to himself softly:
“Poor Boy! Poor, POOR devil!” Then he turned away from the bed and
said: “I want your help in this business.”
Knowing The Boy was dead by his
own hand, I saw exactly what that help would be, so I passed over
to the table, took a chair, lit a cheroot, and began to go through
the writing– case; the Major looking over my shoulder and repeating
to himself: “We came too late!— Like a rat in a hole!—Poor, POOR
devil!”
The Boy must have spent half the
night in writing to his people, and to his Colonel, and to a girl
at Home; and as soon as he had finished, must have shot himself,
for he had been dead a long time when we came in.
I read all that he had written,
and passed over each sheet to the Major as I finished it.
We saw from his accounts how very
seriously he had taken everything. He wrote about “disgrace which
he was unable to bear”—“indelible shame”—“criminal folly”—“wasted
life,” and so on; besides a lot of private things to his Father and
Mother too much too sacred to put into print. The letter to the
girl at Home was the most pitiful of all; and I choked as I read
it. The Major made no attempt to keep dry–eyed. I respected him for
that. He read and rocked himself to and fro, and simply cried like
a woman without caring to hide it. The letters were so dreary and
hopeless and touching. We forgot all about The Boy’s follies, and
only thought of the poor Thing on the charpoy and the scrawled
sheets in our hands. It was utterly impossible to let the letters
go Home. They would have broken his Father’s heart and killed his
Mother after killing her belief in her son.
At last the Major dried his eyes
openly, and said: “Nice sort of thing to spring on an English
family! What shall we do?”
I said, knowing what the Major
had brought me but for: “The Boy died of cholera. We were with him
at the time. We can’t commit ourselves to half–measures. Come
along.”
Then began one of the most grimy
comic scenes I have ever taken part in—the concoction of a big,
written lie, bolstered with evidence, to soothe The Boy’s people at
Home. I began the rough draft of a letter, the Major throwing in
hints here and there while he gathered up all the stuff that The
Boy had written and burnt it in the fireplace. It was a hot, still
evening when we began, and the lamp burned very badly. In due
course I got the draft to my satisfaction, setting forth how The
Boy was the pattern of all virtues, beloved by his
regiment, with every promise of a
great career before him, and so on; how we had helped him through
the sickness—it was no time for little lies, you will
understand—and how he had died without pain. I choked while I was
putting down these things and thinking of the poor people who would
read them. Then I laughed at the grotesqueness of the affair, and
the laughter mixed itself up with the choke—and the Major said that
we both wanted drinks.