I
THIS is the saddest story I have
ever heard. We had known the Ashburnhams for nine seasons of the
town of Nauheim with an extreme intimacy—or, rather with an
acquaintanceship as loose and easy and yet as close as a good
glove's with your hand. My wife and I knew Captain and Mrs
Ashburnham as well as it was possible to know anybody, and yet, in
another sense, we knew nothing at all about them. This is, I
believe, a state of things only possible with English people of
whom, till today, when I sit down to puzzle out what I know of this
sad affair, I knew nothing whatever. Six months ago I had never
been to England, and, certainly, I had never sounded the depths of
an English heart. I had known the shallows.
I don't mean to say that we were
not acquainted with many English people. Living, as we perforce
lived, in Europe, and being, as we perforce were, leisured
Americans, which is as much as to say that we were un-American, we
were thrown very much into the society of the nicer English. Paris,
you see, was our home. Somewhere between Nice and Bordighera
provided yearly winter quarters for us, and Nauheim always received
us from July to September. You will gather from this statement that
one of us had, as the saying is, a "heart", and, from the statement
that my wife is dead, that she was the sufferer.
Captain Ashburnham also had a
heart. But, whereas a yearly month or so at Nauheim tuned him up to
exactly the right pitch for the rest of the twelvemonth, the two
months or so were only just enough to keep poor Florence alive from
year to year. The reason for his heart was, approximately, polo, or
too much hard sportsmanship in his youth. The reason for poor
Florence's broken years was a storm at sea upon our first crossing
to Europe, and the immediate reasons for our imprisonment in that
continent were doctor's orders. They said that even the short
Channel crossing might well kill the poor thing.
When we all first met, Captain
Ashburnham, home on sick leave from an India to which he was never
to return, was thirty-three; Mrs Ashburnham —Leonora—was
thirty-one. I was thirty-six and poor Florence thirty. Thus today
Florence would have been thirty-nine and Captain Ashburnham
forty-two; whereas I am forty-five and Leonora forty. You will
perceive, therefore, that our friendship has been a
young-middle-aged affair, since we were all of us of quite quiet
dispositions, the Ashburnhams being more particularly what in
England it is the custom to call "quite good people".
They were descended, as you will
probably expect, from the Ashburnham who accompanied Charles I to
the scaffold, and, as you must also expect with this class of
English people, you would never have noticed it. Mrs Ashburnham was
a Powys; Florence was a Hurlbird of Stamford, Connecticut, where,
as you know, they are more old-fashioned than even the inhabitants
of Cranford, England, could have been. I myself am a Dowell of
Philadelphia, Pa., where, it is historically true, there are more
old English families than you would find in any six English
counties taken together. I carry about with me, indeed—as if it
were the only thing that invisibly anchored me to any spot upon the
globe—the title deeds of my farm, which once covered several blocks
between Chestnut and Walnut Streets. These title deeds are of
wampum, the grant of an Indian chief to the first Dowell, who left
Farnham in Surrey in company with William Penn. Florence's people,
as is so often the case with the inhabitants of Connecticut, came
from the neighbourhood of Fordingbridge, where the Ashburnhams'
place is. From there, at this moment, I am actually writing.
You may well ask why I write. And
yet my reasons are quite many. For it is not unusual in human
beings who have witnessed the sack of a city or the falling to
pieces of a people to desire to set down what they have witnessed
for the benefit of unknown heirs or of generations infinitely
remote; or, if you please, just to get the sight out of their
heads.
Some one has said that the death
of a mouse from cancer is the whole sack of Rome by the Goths, and
I swear to you that the breaking up of our little four-square
coterie was such another unthinkable event. Supposing that you
should come upon us sitting together at one of the little tables in
front of the club house, let us say, at Homburg, taking tea of an
afternoon and watching the miniature golf, you would have said
that, as human affairs go, we were an extraordinarily safe castle.
We were, if you will, one of those tall ships with the white sails
upon a blue sea, one of those things that seem the proudest and the
safest of all the beautiful and safe things that God has permitted
the mind of men to frame. Where better could one take refuge? Where
better?
Permanence? Stability? I can't
believe it's gone. I can't believe that that long, tranquil life,
which was just stepping a minuet, vanished in four crashing days at
the end of nine years and six weeks. Upon my word, yes, our
intimacy was like a minuet, simply because on every possible
occasion and in every possible circumstance we knew where to go,
where to sit, which table we unanimously should choose; and we
could rise and go, all four together, without a signal from any one
of us, always to the music of the Kur orchestra, always in the
temperate sunshine, or, if it rained, in discreet shelters. No,
indeed, it can't be gone. You can't kill a minuet de la cour. You
may shut up the music-book, close the harpsichord; in the cupboard
and presses the rats may destroy the white satin favours. The mob
may sack Versailles; the Trianon may fall, but surely the
minuet—the minuet itself is dancing itself away into the furthest
stars, even as our minuet of the Hessian bathing places must be
stepping itself still. Isn't there any heaven where old beautiful
dances, old beautiful intimacies prolong themselves? Isn't there
any Nirvana pervaded by the faint thrilling of instruments that
have fallen into the dust of wormwood but that yet had frail,
tremulous, and everlasting souls?
No, by God, it is false! It
wasn't a minuet that we stepped; it was a prison—a prison full of
screaming hysterics, tied down so that they might not outsound the
rolling of our carriage wheels as we went along the shaded avenues
of the Taunus Wald.
And yet I swear by the sacred
name of my creator that it was true. It was true sunshine; the true
music; the true splash of the fountains from the mouth of stone
dolphins. For, if for me we were four people with the same tastes,
with the same desires, acting—or, no, not acting—sitting here and
there unanimously, isn't that the truth? If for nine years I have
possessed a goodly apple that is rotten at the core and discover
its rottenness only in nine years and six months less four days,
isn't it true to say that for nine years I possessed a goodly
apple? So it may well be with Edward Ashburnham, with Leonora his
wife and with poor dear Florence. And, if you come to think of it,
isn't it a little odd that the physical rottenness of at least two
pillars of our four-square house never presented itself to my mind
as a menace to its security? It doesn't so present itself now
though the two of them are actually dead. I don't know....
I know nothing—nothing in the
world—of the hearts of men. I only know that I am alone—horribly
alone. No hearthstone will ever again witness, for me, friendly
intercourse. No smoking-room will ever be other than peopled with
incalculable simulacra amidst smoke wreaths. Yet, in the name of
God, what should I know if I don't know the life of the hearth and
of the smoking-room, since my whole life has been passed in those
places? The warm hearthside!—Well, there was Florence: I believe
that for the twelve years her life lasted, after the storm that
seemed irretrievably to have weakened her heart—I don't believe
that for one minute she was out of my sight, except when she was
safely tucked up in bed and I should be downstairs, talking to some
good fellow or other in some lounge or smoking-room or taking my
final turn with a cigar before going to bed. I don't, you
understand, blame Florence. But how can she have known what she
knew? How could she have got to know it? To know it so fully.
Heavens! There doesn't seem to have been the actual time. It must
have been when I was taking my baths, and my Swedish exercises,
being manicured. Leading the life I did, of the sedulous, strained
nurse, I had to do something to keep myself fit. It must have been
then! Yet even that can't have been enough time to get the
tremendously long conversations full of worldly wisdom that Leonora
has reported to me since their deaths. And is it possible to
imagine that during our prescribed walks in Nauheim and the
neighbourhood she found time to carry on the protracted
negotiations which she did carry on between Edward Ashburnham and
his wife? And isn't it incredible that during all that time Edward
and Leonora never spoke a word to each other in private? What is
one to think of humanity?
For I swear to you that they were
the model couple. He was as devoted as it was possible to be
without appearing fatuous. So well set up, with such honest blue
eyes, such a touch of stupidity, such a warm goodheartedness! And
she—so tall, so splendid in the saddle, so fair! Yes, Leonora was
extraordinarily fair and so extraordinarily the real thing that she
seemed too good to be true. You don't, I mean, as a rule, get it
all so superlatively together. To be the county family, to look the
county family, to be so appropriately and perfectly wealthy; to be
so perfect in manner—even just to the saving touch of insolence
that seems to be necessary. To have all that and to be all that!
No, it was too good to be true. And yet, only this afternoon,
talking over the whole matter she said to me: "Once I tried to have
a lover but I was so sick at the heart, so utterly worn out that I
had to send him away." That struck me as the most amazing thing I
had ever heard. She said "I was actually in a man's arms. Such a
nice chap! Such a dear fellow! And I was saying to myself,
fiercely, hissing it between my teeth, as they say in novels—and
really clenching them together: I was saying to myself: 'Now, I'm
in for it and I'll really have a good time for once in my life—for
once in my life!' It was in the dark, in a carriage, coming back
from a hunt ball. Eleven miles we had to drive! And then suddenly
the bitterness of the endless poverty, of the endless acting—it
fell on me like a blight, it spoilt everything. Yes, I had to
realize that I had been spoilt even for the good time when it came.
And I burst out crying and I cried and I cried for the whole eleven
miles. Just imagine me crying! And just imagine me making a fool of
the poor dear chap like that. It certainly wasn't playing the game,
was it now?"
I don't know; I don't know; was
that last remark of hers the remark of a harlot, or is it what
every decent woman, county family or not county family, thinks at
the bottom of her heart? Or thinks all the time for the matter of
that? Who knows?
Yet, if one doesn't know that at
this hour and day, at this pitch of civilization to which we have
attained, after all the preachings of all the moralists, and all
the teachings of all the mothers to all the daughters in saecula
saeculorum... but perhaps that is what all mothers teach all
daughters, not with lips but with the eyes, or with heart
whispering to heart. And, if one doesn't know as much as that about
the first thing in the world, what does one know and why is one
here?
I asked Mrs Ashburnham whether
she had told Florence that and what Florence had said and she
answered:—"Florence didn't offer any comment at all. What could she
say? There wasn't anything to be said. With the grinding poverty we
had to put up with to keep up appearances, and the way the poverty
came about—you know what I mean—any woman would have been justified
in taking a lover and presents too. Florence once said about a very
similar position—she was a little too well-bred, too American, to
talk about mine—that it was a case of perfectly open riding and the
woman could just act on the spur of the moment. She said it in
American of course, but that was the sense of it. I think her
actual words were: 'That it was up to her to take it or leave
it....'"
I don't want you to think that I
am writing Teddy Ashburnham down a brute. I don't believe he was.
God knows, perhaps all men are like that. For as I've said what do
I know even of the smoking-room? Fellows come in and tell the most
extraordinarily gross stories—so gross that they will positively
give you a pain. And yet they'd be offended if you suggested that
they weren't the sort of person you could trust your wife alone
with. And very likely they'd be quite properly offended—that is if
you can trust anybody alone with anybody. But that sort of fellow
obviously takes more delight in listening to or in telling gross
stories—more delight than in anything else in the world. They'll
hunt languidly and dress languidly and dine languidly and work
without enthusiasm and find it a bore to carry on three minutes'
conversation about anything whatever and yet, when the other sort
of conversation begins, they'll laugh and wake up and throw
themselves about in their chairs. Then, if they so delight in the
narration, how is it possible that they can be offended—and
properly offended—at the suggestion that they might make attempts
upon your wife's honour? Or again: Edward Ashburnham was the
cleanest looking sort of chap;—an excellent magistrate, a first
rate soldier, one of the best landlords, so they said, in
Hampshire, England. To the poor and to hopeless drunkards, as I
myself have witnessed, he was like a painstaking guardian. And he
never told a story that couldn't have gone into the columns of the
Field more than once or twice in all the nine years of my knowing
him. He didn't even like hearing them; he would fidget and get up
and go out to buy a cigar or something of that sort. You would have
said that he was just exactly the sort of chap that you could have
trusted your wife with. And I trusted mine and it was
madness.
And yet again you have me. If
poor Edward was dangerous because of the chastity of his
expressions—and they say that is always the hall-mark of a
libertine—what about myself? For I solemnly avow that not only have
I never so much as hinted at an impropriety in my conversation in
the whole of my days; and more than that, I will vouch for the
cleanness of my thoughts and the absolute chastity of my life. At
what, then, does it all work out? Is the whole thing a folly and a
mockery? Am I no better than a eunuch or is the proper man—the man
with the right to existence—a raging stallion forever neighing
after his neighbour's womankind?
I don't know. And there is
nothing to guide us. And if everything is so nebulous about a
matter so elementary as the morals of sex, what is there to guide
us in the more subtle morality of all other personal contacts,
associations, and activities? Or are we meant to act on impulse
alone? It is all a darkness.
II
I DON'T know how it is best to
put this thing down—whether it would be better to try and tell the
story from the beginning, as if it were a story; or whether to tell
it from this distance of time, as it reached me from the lips of
Leonora or from those of Edward himself.
So I shall just imagine myself
for a fortnight or so at one side of the fireplace of a country
cottage, with a sympathetic soul opposite me. And I shall go on
talking, in a low voice while the sea sounds in the distance and
overhead the great black flood of wind polishes the bright stars.
From time to time we shall get up and go to the door and look out
at the great moon and say: "Why, it is nearly as bright as in
Provence!" And then we shall come back to the fireside, with just
the touch of a sigh because we are not in that Provence where even
the saddest stories are gay. Consider the lamentable history of
Peire Vidal. Two years ago Florence and I motored from Biarritz to
Las Tours, which is in the Black Mountains. In the middle of a
tortuous valley there rises up an immense pinnacle and on the
pinnacle are four castles—Las Tours, the Towers. And the immense
mistral blew down that valley which was the way from France into
Provence so that the silver grey olive leaves appeared like hair
flying in the wind, and the tufts of rosemary crept into the iron
rocks that they might not be torn up by the roots.
It was, of course, poor dear
Florence who wanted to go to Las Tours. You are to imagine that,
however much her bright personality came from Stamford,
Connecticut, she was yet a graduate of Poughkeepsie. I never could
imagine how she did it—the queer, chattery person that she was.
With the far-away look in her eyes—which wasn't, however, in the
least romantic—I mean that she didn't look as if she were seeing
poetic dreams, or looking through you, for she hardly ever did look
at you!—holding up one hand as if she wished to silence any
objection—or any comment for the matter of that—she would talk. She
would talk about William the Silent, about Gustave the Loquacious,
about Paris frocks, about how the poor dressed in 1337, about
Fantin-Latour, about the Paris-Lyons-Mediterranée train-deluxe,
about whether it would be worth while to get off at Tarascon and go
across the windswept suspension-bridge, over the Rhone to take
another look at Beaucaire.
We never did take another look at
Beaucaire, of course—beautiful Beaucaire, with the high, triangular
white tower, that looked as thin as a needle and as tall as the
Flatiron, between Fifth and Broadway—Beaucaire with the grey walls
on the top of the pinnacle surrounding an acre and a half of blue
irises, beneath the tallness of the stone pines, What a beautiful
thing the stone pine is!...
No, we never did go back
anywhere. Not to Heidelberg, not to Hamelin, not to Verona, not to
Mont Majour—not so much as to Carcassonne itself. We talked of it,
of course, but I guess Florence got all she wanted out of one look
at a place. She had the seeing eye.
I haven't, unfortunately, so that
the world is full of places to which I want to return—towns with
the blinding white sun upon them; stone pines against the blue of
the sky; corners of gables, all carved and painted with stags and
scarlet flowers and crowstepped gables with the little saint at the
top; and grey and pink palazzi and walled towns a mile or so back
from the sea, on the Mediterranean, between Leghorn and Naples. Not
one of them did we see more than once, so that the whole world for
me is like spots of colour in an immense canvas. Perhaps if it
weren't so I should have something to catch hold of now.
Is all this digression or isn't
it digression? Again I don't know. You, the listener, sit opposite
me. But you are so silent. You don't tell me anything. I am, at any
rate, trying to get you to see what sort of life it was I led with
Florence and what Florence was like. Well, she was bright; and she
danced. She seemed to dance over the floors of castles and over
seas and over and over and over the salons of modistes and over the
plages of the Riviera—like a gay tremulous beam, reflected from
water upon a ceiling. And my function in life was to keep that
bright thing in existence. And it was almost as difficult as trying
to catch with your hand that dancing reflection. And the task
lasted for years.
Florence's aunts used to say that
I must be the laziest man in Philadelphia. They had never been to
Philadelphia and they had the New England conscience. You see, the
first thing they said to me when I called in on Florence in the
little ancient, colonial, wooden house beneath the high,
thin-leaved elms—the first question they asked me was not how I did
but what did I do. And I did nothing. I suppose I ought to have
done something, but I didn't see any call to do it. Why does one do
things? I just drifted in and wanted Florence. First I had drifted
in on Florence at a Browning tea, or something of the sort in
Fourteenth Street, which was then still residential. I don't know
why I had gone to New York; I don't know why I had gone to the tea.
I don't see why Florence should have gone to that sort of spelling
bee. It wasn't the place at which, even then, you expected to find
a Poughkeepsie graduate. I guess Florence wanted to raise the
culture of the Stuyvesant crowd and did it as she might have gone
in slumming. Intellectual slumming, that was what it was. She
always wanted to leave the world a little more elevated than she
found it. Poor dear thing, I have heard her lecture Teddy
Ashburnham by the hour on the difference between a Franz Hals and a
Wouvermans and why the Pre-Mycenaean statues were cubical with
knobs on the top. I wonder what he made of it? Perhaps he was
thankful.
I know I was. For do you
understand my whole attentions, my whole endeavours were to keep
poor dear Florence on to topics like the finds at Cnossos and the
mental spirituality of Walter Pater. I had to keep her at it, you
understand, or she might die. For I was solemnly informed that if
she became excited over anything or if her emotions were really
stirred her little heart might cease to beat. For twelve years I
had to watch every word that any person uttered in any conversation
and I had to head it off what the English call "things"—off love,
poverty, crime, religion and the rest of it. Yes, the first doctor
that we had when she was carried off the ship at Havre assured me
that this must be done. Good God, are all these fellows monstrous
idiots, or is there a freemasonry between all of them from end to
end of the earth?... That is what makes me think of that fellow
Peire Vidal.
Because, of course, his story is
culture and I had to head her towards culture and at the same time
it's so funny and she hadn't got to laugh, and it's so full of love
and she wasn't to think of love. Do you know the story? Las Tours
of the Four Castles had for chatelaine Blanche Somebody-or-other
who was called as a term of commendation, La Louve—the She-Wolf.
And Peire Vidal the Troubadour paid his court to La Louve. And she
wouldn't have anything to do with him. So, out of compliment to
her—the things people do when they're in love!—he dressed himself
up in wolfskins and went up into the Black Mountains. And the
shepherds of the Montagne Noire and their dogs mistook him for a
wolf and he was torn with the fangs and beaten with clubs. So they
carried him back to Las Tours and La Louve wasn't at all impressed.
They polished him up and her husband remonstrated seriously with
her. Vidal was, you see, a great poet and it was not proper to
treat a great poet with indifference.
So Peire Vidal declared himself
Emperor of Jerusalem or somewhere and the husband had to kneel down
and kiss his feet though La Louve wouldn't. And Peire set sail in a
rowing boat with four companions to redeem the Holy Sepulchre. And
they struck on a rock somewhere, and, at great expense, the husband
had to fit out an expedition to fetch him back. And Peire Vidal
fell all over the Lady's bed while the husband, who was a most
ferocious warrior, remonstrated some more about the courtesy that
is due to great poets. But I suppose La Louve was the more
ferocious of the two. Anyhow, that is all that came of it. Isn't
that a story?
You haven't an idea of the queer
old-fashionedness of Florence's aunts—the Misses Hurlbird, nor yet
of her uncle. An extraordinarily lovable man, that Uncle John.
Thin, gentle, and with a "heart" that made his life very much what
Florence's afterwards became. He didn't reside at Stamford; his
home was in Waterbury where the watches come from. He had a factory
there which, in our queer American way, would change its functions
almost from year to year. For nine months or so it would
manufacture buttons out of bone. Then it would suddenly produce
brass buttons for coachmen's liveries. Then it would take a turn at
embossed tin lids for candy boxes. The fact is that the poor old
gentleman, with his weak and fluttering heart, didn't want his
factory to manufacture anything at all. He wanted to retire. And he
did retire when he was seventy. But he was so worried at having all
the street boys in the town point after him and exclaim: "There
goes the laziest man in Waterbury!" that he tried taking a tour
round the world. And Florence and a young man called Jimmy went
with him. It appears from what Florence told me that Jimmy's
function with Mr Hurlbird was to avoid exciting topics for him. He
had to keep him, for instance, out of political discussions. For
the poor old man was a violent Democrat in days when you might
travel the world over without finding anything but a Republican.
Anyhow, they went round the world.
I think an anecdote is about the
best way to give you an idea of what the old gentleman was like.
For it is perhaps important that you should know what the old
gentleman was; he had a great deal of influence in forming the
character of my poor dear wife.
Just before they set out from San
Francisco for the South Seas old Mr Hurlbird said he must take
something with him to make little presents to people he met on the
voyage. And it struck him that the things to take for that purpose
were oranges—because California is the orange country—and
comfortable folding chairs. So he bought I don't know how many
cases of oranges—the great cool California oranges, and
half-a-dozen folding chairs in a special case that he always kept
in his cabin. There must have been half a cargo of fruit.
For, to every person on board the
several steamers that they employed—to every person with whom he
had so much as a nodding acquaintance, he gave an orange every
morning. And they lasted him right round the girdle of this mighty
globe of ours. When they were at North Cape, even, he saw on the
horizon, poor dear thin man that he was, a lighthouse. "Hello,"
says he to himself, "these fellows must be very lonely. Let's take
them some oranges." So he had a boatload of his fruit out and had
himself rowed to the lighthouse on the horizon. The folding chairs
he lent to any lady that he came across and liked or who seemed
tired and invalidish on the ship. And so, guarded against his heart
and, having his niece with him, he went round the world....
He wasn't obtrusive about his
heart. You wouldn't have known he had one. He only left it to the
physical laboratory at Waterbury for the benefit of science, since
he considered it to be quite an extraordinary kind of heart. And
the joke of the matter was that, when, at the age of eighty-four,
just five days before poor Florence, he died of bronchitis there
was found to be absolutely nothing the matter with that organ. It
had certainly jumped or squeaked or something just sufficiently to
take in the doctors, but it appears that that was because of an odd
formation of the lungs. I don't much understand about these
matters.
I inherited his money because
Florence died five days after him. I wish I hadn't. It was a great
worry. I had to go out to Waterbury just after Florence's death
because the poor dear old fellow had left a good many charitable
bequests and I had to appoint trustees. I didn't like the idea of
their not being properly handled.
Yes, it was a great worry. And
just as I had got things roughly settled I received the
extraordinary cable from Ashburnham begging me to come back and
have a talk with him. And immediately afterwards came one from
Leonora saying, "Yes, please do come. You could be so helpful." It
was as if he had sent the cable without consulting her and had
afterwards told her. Indeed, that was pretty much what had
happened, except that he had told the girl and the girl told the
wife. I arrived, however, too late to be of any good if I could
have been of any good. And then I had my first taste of English
life. It was amazing. It was overwhelming. I never shall forget the
polished cob that Edward, beside me, drove; the animal's action,
its high-stepping, its skin that was like satin. And the peace! And
the red cheeks! And the beautiful, beautiful old house.
Just near Branshaw Teleragh it
was and we descended on it from the high, clear, windswept waste of
the New Forest. I tell you it was amazing to arrive there from
Waterbury. And it came into my head—for Teddy Ashburnham, you
remember, had cabled to me to "come and have a talk" with him—that
it was unbelievable that anything essentially calamitous could
happen to that place and those people. I tell you it was the very
spirit of peace. And Leonora, beautiful and smiling, with her coils
of yellow hair, stood on the top doorstep, with a butler and
footman and a maid or so behind her. And she just said: "So glad
you've come," as if I'd run down to lunch from a town ten miles
away, instead of having come half the world over at the call of two
urgent telegrams.
The girl was out with the hounds,
I think. And that poor devil beside me was in an agony. Absolute,
hopeless, dumb agony such as passes the mind of man to
imagine.
III
IT was a very hot summer, in
August, 1904; and Florence had already been taking the baths for a
month. I don't know how it feels to be a patient at one of those
places. I never was a patient anywhere. I daresay the patients get
a home feeling and some sort of anchorage in the spot. They seem to
like the bath attendants, with their cheerful faces, their air of
authority, their white linen. But, for myself, to be at Nauheim
gave me a sense—what shall I say?—a sense almost of nakedness—the
nakedness that one feels on the sea-shore or in any great open
space. I had no attachments, no accumulations. In one's own home it
is as if little, innate sympathies draw one to particular chairs
that seem to enfold one in an embrace, or take one along particular
streets that seem friendly when others may be hostile. And, believe
me, that feeling is a very important part of life. I know it well,
that have been for so long a wanderer upon the face of public
resorts. And one is too polished up. Heaven knows I was never an
untidy man. But the feeling that I had when, whilst poor Florence
was taking her morning bath, I stood upon the carefully swept steps
of the Englischer Hof, looking at the carefully arranged trees in
tubs upon the carefully arranged gravel whilst carefully arranged
people walked past in carefully calculated gaiety, at the carefully
calculated hour, the tall trees of the public gardens, going up to
the right; the reddish stone of the baths—or were they white
half-timber châlets? Upon my word I have forgotten, I who was there
so often. That will give you the measure of how much I was in the
landscape. I could find my way blindfolded to the hot rooms, to the
douche rooms, to the fountain in the centre of the quadrangle where
the rusty water gushes out. Yes, I could find my way blindfolded. I
know the exact distances. From the Hotel Regina you took one
hundred and eighty-seven paces, then, turning sharp, left-handed,
four hundred and twenty took you straight down to the fountain.
From the Englischer Hof, starting on the sidewalk, it was
ninety-seven paces and the same four hundred and twenty, but
turning lefthanded this time.
And now you understand that,
having nothing in the world to do—but nothing whatever! I fell into
the habit of counting my footsteps. I would walk with Florence to
the baths. And, of course, she entertained me with her
conversation. It was, as I have said, wonderful what she could make
conversation out of. She walked very lightly, and her hair was very
nicely done, and she dressed beautifully and very expensively. Of
course she had money of her own, but I shouldn't have minded. And
yet you know I can't remember a single one of her dresses. Or I can
remember just one, a very simple one of blue figured silk—a Chinese
pattern—very full in the skirts and broadening out over the
shoulders. And her hair was copper-coloured, and the heels of her
shoes were exceedingly high, so that she tripped upon the points of
her toes. And when she came to the door of the bathing place, and
when it opened to receive her, she would look back at me with a
little coquettish smile, so that her cheek appeared to be caressing
her shoulder.
I seem to remember that, with
that dress, she wore an immensely broad Leghorn hat—like the
Chapeau de Paille of Rubens, only very white. The hat would be tied
with a lightly knotted scarf of the same stuff as her dress. She
knew how to give value to her blue eyes. And round her neck would
be some simple pink, coral beads. And her complexion had a perfect
clearness, a perfect smoothness...
Yes, that is how I most exactly
remember her, in that dress, in that hat, looking over her shoulder
at me so that the eyes flashed very blue—dark pebble blue...
And, what the devil! For whose
benefit did she do it? For that of the bath attendant? of the
passers-by? I don't know. Anyhow, it can't have been for me, for
never, in all the years of her life, never on any possible
occasion, or in any other place did she so smile to me, mockingly,
invitingly. Ah, she was a riddle; but then, all other women are
riddles. And it occurs to me that some way back I began a sentence
that I have never finished... It was about the feeling that I had
when I stood on the steps of my hotel every morning before starting
out to fetch Florence back from the bath. Natty, precise,
well-brushed, conscious of being rather small amongst the long
English, the lank Americans, the rotund Germans, and the obese
Russian Jewesses, I should stand there, tapping a cigarette on the
outside of my case, surveying for a moment the world in the
sunlight. But a day was to come when I was never to do it again
alone. You can imagine, therefore, what the coming of the
Ashburnhams meant to me. I have forgotten the aspect of many
things, but I shall never forget the aspect of the dining-room of
the Hotel Excelsior on that evening—and on so many other evenings.
Whole castles have vanished from my memory, whole cities that I
have never visited again, but that white room, festooned with
papier-maché fruits and flowers; the tall windows; the many tables;
the black screen round the door with three golden cranes flying
upward on each panel; the palm-tree in the centre of the room; the
swish of the waiter's feet; the cold expensive elegance; the mien
of the diners as they came in every evening—their air of
earnestness as if they must go through a meal prescribed by the Kur
authorities and their air of sobriety as if they must seek not by
any means to enjoy their meals—those things I shall not easily
forget. And then, one evening, in the twilight, I saw Edward
Ashburnham lounge round the screen into the room. The head waiter,
a man with a face all grey—in what subterranean nooks or corners do
people cultivate those absolutely grey complexions?—went with the
timorous patronage of these creatures towards him and held out a
grey ear to be whispered into. It was generally a disagreeable
ordeal for newcomers but Edward Ashburnham bore it like an
Englishman and a gentleman. I could see his lips form a word of
three syllables—remember I had nothing in the world to do but to
notice these niceties—and immediately I knew that he must be Edward
Ashburnham, Captain, Fourteenth Hussars, of Branshaw House,
Branshaw Teleragh. I knew it because every evening just before
dinner, whilst I waited in the hall, I used, by the courtesy of
Monsieur Schontz, the proprietor, to inspect the little police
reports that each guest was expected to sign upon taking a
room.