THE LADY WITH THE DOG
IIT
was said that a new person had appeared on the sea-front: a lady
with
a little dog. Dmitri Dmitritch Gurov, who had by then been a
fortnight at Yalta, and so was fairly at home there, had begun to
take an interest in new arrivals. Sitting in Verney's pavilion, he
saw, walking on the sea-front, a fair-haired young lady of medium
height, wearing a
béret;
a white Pomeranian dog was running behind her.And
afterwards he met her in the public gardens and in the square
several
times a day. She was walking alone, always wearing the same
béret,
and always with the same white dog; no one knew who she was, and
every one called her simply "the lady with the dog.""If
she is here alone without a husband or friends, it wouldn't be
amiss
to make her acquaintance," Gurov reflected.He
was under forty, but he had a daughter already twelve years old,
and
two sons at school. He had been married young, when he was a
student
in his second year, and by now his wife seemed half as old again as
he. She was a tall, erect woman with dark eyebrows, staid and
dignified, and, as she said of herself, intellectual. She read a
great deal, used phonetic spelling, called her husband, not Dmitri,
but Dimitri, and he secretly considered her unintelligent, narrow,
inelegant, was afraid of her, and did not like to be at home. He
had
begun being unfaithful to her long ago—had been unfaithful to her
often, and, probably on that account, almost always spoke ill of
women, and when they were talked about in his presence, used to
call
them "the lower race."It
seemed to him that he had been so schooled by bitter experience
that
he might call them what he liked, and yet he could not get on for
two
days together without "the lower race." In the society of
men he was bored and not himself, with them he was cold and
uncommunicative; but when he was in the company of women he felt
free, and knew what to say to them and how to behave; and he was at
ease with them even when he was silent. In his appearance, in his
character, in his whole nature, there was something attractive and
elusive which allured women and disposed them in his favour; he
knew
that, and some force seemed to draw him, too, to them.Experience
often repeated, truly bitter experience, had taught him long ago
that
with decent people, especially Moscow people—always slow to move
and irresolute—every intimacy, which at first so agreeably
diversifies life and appears a light and charming adventure,
inevitably grows into a regular problem of extreme intricacy, and
in
the long run the situation becomes unbearable. But at every fresh
meeting with an interesting woman this experience seemed to slip
out
of his memory, and he was eager for life, and everything seemed
simple and amusing.One
evening he was dining in the gardens, and the lady in the
béret
came up slowly to take the next table. Her expression, her gait,
her
dress, and the way she did her hair told him that she was a lady,
that she was married, that she was in Yalta for the first time and
alone, and that she was dull there.... The stories told of the
immorality in such places as Yalta are to a great extent untrue; he
despised them, and knew that such stories were for the most part
made
up by persons who would themselves have been glad to sin if they
had
been able; but when the lady sat down at the next table three paces
from him, he remembered these tales of easy conquests, of trips to
the mountains, and the tempting thought of a swift, fleeting love
affair, a romance with an unknown woman, whose name he did not
know,
suddenly took possession of him.He
beckoned coaxingly to the Pomeranian, and when the dog came up to
him
he shook his finger at it. The Pomeranian growled: Gurov shook his
finger at it again.The
lady looked at him and at once dropped her eyes."He
doesn't bite," she said, and blushed."May
I give him a bone?" he asked; and when she nodded he asked
courteously, "Have you been long in Yalta?""Five
days.""And
I have already dragged out a fortnight here."There
was a brief silence."Time
goes fast, and yet it is so dull here!" she said, not looking at
him."That's
only the fashion to say it is dull here. A provincial will live in
Belyov or Zhidra and not be dull, and when he comes here it's 'Oh,
the dulness! Oh, the dust!' One would think he came from
Grenada."She
laughed. Then both continued eating in silence, like strangers, but
after dinner they walked side by side; and there sprang up between
them the light jesting conversation of people who are free and
satisfied, to whom it does not matter where they go or what they
talk
about. They walked and talked of the strange light on the sea: the
water was of a soft warm lilac hue, and there was a golden streak
from the moon upon it. They talked of how sultry it was after a hot
day. Gurov told her that he came from Moscow, that he had taken his
degree in Arts, but had a post in a bank; that he had trained as an
opera-singer, but had given it up, that he owned two houses in
Moscow.... And from her he learnt that she had grown up in
Petersburg, but had lived in S—— since her marriage two years
before, that she was staying another month in Yalta, and that her
husband, who needed a holiday too, might perhaps come and fetch
her.
She was not sure whether her husband had a post in a Crown
Department
or under the Provincial Council—and was amused by her own
ignorance. And Gurov learnt, too, that she was called Anna
Sergeyevna.Afterwards
he thought about her in his room at the hotel—thought she would
certainly meet him next day; it would be sure to happen. As he got
into bed he thought how lately she had been a girl at school, doing
lessons like his own daughter; he recalled the diffidence, the
angularity, that was still manifest in her laugh and her manner of
talking with a stranger. This must have been the first time in her
life she had been alone in surroundings in which she was followed,
looked at, and spoken to merely from a secret motive which she
could
hardly fail to guess. He recalled her slender, delicate neck, her
lovely grey eyes."There's
something pathetic about her, anyway," he thought, and fell
asleep.IIA
week had passed since they had made acquaintance. It was a holiday.
It was sultry indoors, while in the street the wind whirled the
dust
round and round, and blew people's hats off. It was a thirsty day,
and Gurov often went into the pavilion, and pressed Anna Sergeyevna
to have syrup and water or an ice. One did not know what to do with
oneself.In
the evening when the wind had dropped a little, they went out on
the
groyne to see the steamer come in. There were a great many people
walking about the harbour; they had gathered to welcome some one,
bringing bouquets. And two peculiarities of a well-dressed Yalta
crowd were very conspicuous: the elderly ladies were dressed like
young ones, and there were great numbers of generals.Owing
to the roughness of the sea, the steamer arrived late, after the
sun
had set, and it was a long time turning about before it reached the
groyne. Anna Sergeyevna looked through her lorgnette at the steamer
and the passengers as though looking for acquaintances, and when
she
turned to Gurov her eyes were shining. She talked a great deal and
asked disconnected questions, forgetting next moment what she had
asked; then she dropped her lorgnette in the crush.The
festive crowd began to disperse; it was too dark to see people's
faces. The wind had completely dropped, but Gurov and Anna
Sergeyevna
still stood as though waiting to see some one else come from the
steamer. Anna Sergeyevna was silent now, and sniffed the flowers
without looking at Gurov."The
weather is better this evening," he said. "Where shall we
go now? Shall we drive somewhere?"She
made no answer.Then
he looked at her intently, and all at once put his arm round her
and
kissed her on the lips, and breathed in the moisture and the
fragrance of the flowers; and he immediately looked round him,
anxiously wondering whether any one had seen them."Let
us go to your hotel," he said softly. And both walked
quickly.The
room was close and smelt of the scent she had bought at the
Japanese
shop. Gurov looked at her and thought: "What different people
one meets in the world!" From the past he preserved memories of
careless, good-natured women, who loved cheerfully and were
grateful
to him for the happiness he gave them, however brief it might be;
and
of women like his wife who loved without any genuine feeling, with
superfluous phrases, affectedly, hysterically, with an expression
that suggested that it was not love nor passion, but something more
significant; and of two or three others, very beautiful, cold
women,
on whose faces he had caught a glimpse of a rapacious expression—an
obstinate desire to snatch from life more than it could give, and
these were capricious, unreflecting, domineering, unintelligent
women
not in their first youth, and when Gurov grew cold to them their
beauty excited his hatred, and the lace on their linen seemed to
him
like scales.But
in this case there was still the diffidence, the angularity of
inexperienced youth, an awkward feeling; and there was a sense of
consternation as though some one had suddenly knocked at the door.
The attitude of Anna Sergeyevna—"the lady with the dog"—to
what had happened was somehow peculiar, very grave, as though it
were
her fall—so it seemed, and it was strange and inappropriate. Her
face dropped and faded, and on both sides of it her long hair hung
down mournfully; she mused in a dejected attitude like "the
woman who was a sinner" in an old-fashioned picture."It's
wrong," she said. "You will be the first to despise me
now."There
was a water-melon on the table. Gurov cut himself a slice and began
eating it without haste. There followed at least half an hour of
silence.Anna
Sergeyevna was touching; there was about her the purity of a good,
simple woman who had seen little of life. The solitary candle
burning
on the table threw a faint light on her face, yet it was clear that
she was very unhappy."How
could I despise you?" asked Gurov. "You don't know what you
are saying.""God
forgive me," she said, and her eyes filled with tears. "It's
awful.""You
seem to feel you need to be forgiven.""Forgiven?
No. I am a bad, low woman; I despise myself and don't attempt to
justify myself. It's not my husband but myself I have deceived. And
not only just now; I have been deceiving myself for a long time. My
husband may be a good, honest man, but he is a flunkey! I don't
know
what he does there, what his work is, but I know he is a flunkey! I
was twenty when I was married to him. I have been tormented by
curiosity; I wanted something better. 'There must be a different
sort
of life,' I said to myself. I wanted to live! To live, to live!...
I
was fired by curiosity ... you don't understand it, but, I swear to
God, I could not control myself; something happened to me: I could
not be restrained. I told my husband I was ill, and came here....
And
here I have been walking about as though I were dazed, like a mad
creature; ... and now I have become a vulgar, contemptible woman
whom
any one may despise."Gurov
felt bored already, listening to her. He was irritated by the naïve
tone, by this remorse, so unexpected and inopportune; but for the
tears in her eyes, he might have thought she was jesting or playing
a
part."I
don't understand," he said softly. "What is it you want?"She
hid her face on his breast and pressed close to him."Believe
me, believe me, I beseech you ..." she said. "I love a
pure, honest life, and sin is loathsome to me. I don't know what I
am
doing. Simple people say: 'The Evil One has beguiled me.' And I may
say of myself now that the Evil One has beguiled me.""Hush,
hush!..." he muttered.He
looked at her fixed, scared eyes, kissed her, talked softly and
affectionately, and by degrees she was comforted, and her gaiety
returned; they both began laughing.Afterwards
when they went out there was not a soul on the sea-front. The town
with its cypresses had quite a deathlike air, but the sea still
broke
noisily on the shore; a single barge was rocking on the waves, and
a
lantern was blinking sleepily on it.They
found a cab and drove to Oreanda."I
found out your surname in the hall just now: it was written on the
board—Von Diderits," said Gurov. "Is your husband a
German?""No;
I believe his grandfather was a German, but he is an Orthodox
Russian
himself."At
Oreanda they sat on a seat not far from the church, looked down at
the sea, and were silent. Yalta was hardly visible through the
morning mist; white clouds stood motionless on the mountain-tops.
The
leaves did not stir on the trees, grasshoppers chirruped, and the
monotonous hollow sound of the sea rising up from below, spoke of
the
peace, of the eternal sleep awaiting us. So it must have sounded
when
there was no Yalta, no Oreanda here; so it sounds now, and it will
sound as indifferently and monotonously when we are all no more.
And
in this constancy, in this complete indifference to the life and
death of each of us, there lies hid, perhaps, a pledge of our
eternal
salvation, of the unceasing movement of life upon earth, of
unceasing
progress towards perfection. Sitting beside a young woman who in
the
dawn seemed so lovely, soothed and spellbound in these magical
surroundings—the sea, mountains, clouds, the open sky—Gurov
thought how in reality everything is beautiful in this world when
one
reflects: everything except what we think or do ourselves when we
forget our human dignity and the higher aims of our
existence.A
man walked up to them—probably a keeper—looked at them and walked
away. And this detail seemed mysterious and beautiful, too. They
saw
a steamer come from Theodosia, with its lights out in the glow of
dawn."There
is dew on the grass," said Anna Sergeyevna, after a silence."Yes.
It's time to go home."They
went back to the town.Then
they met every day at twelve o'clock on the sea-front, lunched and
dined together, went for walks, admired the sea. She complained
that
she slept badly, that her heart throbbed violently; asked the same
questions, troubled now by jealousy and now by the fear that he did
not respect her sufficiently. And often in the square or gardens,
when there was no one near them, he suddenly drew her to him and
kissed her passionately. Complete idleness, these kisses in broad
daylight while he looked round in dread of some one's seeing them,
the heat, the smell of the sea, and the continual passing to and
fro
before him of idle, well-dressed, well-fed people, made a new man
of
him; he told Anna Sergeyevna how beautiful she was, how
fascinating.
He was impatiently passionate, he would not move a step away from
her, while she was often pensive and continually urged him to
confess
that he did not respect her, did not love her in the least, and
thought of her as nothing but a common woman. Rather late almost
every evening they drove somewhere out of town, to Oreanda or to
the
waterfall; and the expedition was always a success, the scenery
invariably impressed them as grand and beautiful.They
were expecting her husband to come, but a letter came from him,
saying that there was something wrong with his eyes, and he
entreated
his wife to come home as quickly as possible. Anna Sergeyevna made
haste to go."It's
a good thing I am going away," she said to Gurov. "It's the
finger of destiny!"She
went by coach and he went with her. They were driving the whole
day.
When she had got into a compartment of the express, and when the
second bell had rung, she said:"Let
me look at you once more ... look at you once again. That's
right."She
did not shed tears, but was so sad that she seemed ill, and her
face
was quivering."I
shall remember you ... think of you," she said. "God be
with you; be happy. Don't remember evil against me. We are parting
forever—it must be so, for we ought never to have met. Well, God be
with you."The
train moved off rapidly, its lights soon vanished from sight, and a
minute later there was no sound of it, as though everything had
conspired together to end as quickly as possible that sweet
delirium,
that madness. Left alone on the platform, and gazing into the dark
distance, Gurov listened to the chirrup of the grasshoppers and the
hum of the telegraph wires, feeling as though he had only just
waked
up. And he thought, musing, that there had been another episode or
adventure in his life, and it, too, was at an end, and nothing was
left of it but a memory.... He was moved, sad, and conscious of a
slight remorse. This young woman whom he would never meet again had
not been happy with him; he was genuinely warm and affectionate
with
her, but yet in his manner, his tone, and his caresses there had
been
a shade of light irony, the coarse condescension of a happy man who
was, besides, almost twice her age. All the time she had called him
kind, exceptional, lofty; obviously he had seemed to her different
from what he really was, so he had unintentionally deceived
her....Here
at the station was already a scent of autumn; it was a cold
evening."It's
time for me to go north," thought Gurov as he left the platform.
"High time!"IIIAt
home in Moscow everything was in its winter routine; the stoves
were
heated, and in the morning it was still dark when the children were
having breakfast and getting ready for school, and the nurse would
light the lamp for a short time. The frosts had begun already. When
the first snow has fallen, on the first day of sledge-driving it is
pleasant to see the white earth, the white roofs, to draw soft,
delicious breath, and the season brings back the days of one's
youth.
The old limes and birches, white with hoar-frost, have a
good-natured
expression; they are nearer to one's heart than cypresses and
palms,
and near them one doesn't want to be thinking of the sea and the
mountains.Gurov
was Moscow born; he arrived in Moscow on a fine frosty day, and
when
he put on his fur coat and warm gloves, and walked along Petrovka,
and when on Saturday evening he heard the ringing of the bells, his
recent trip and the places he had seen lost all charm for him.
Little
by little he became absorbed in Moscow life, greedily read three
newspapers a day, and declared he did not read the Moscow papers on
principle! He already felt a longing to go to restaurants, clubs,
dinner-parties, anniversary celebrations, and he felt flattered at
entertaining distinguished lawyers and artists, and at playing
cards
with a professor at the doctors' club. He could already eat a whole
plateful of salt fish and cabbage.In
another month, he fancied, the image of Anna Sergeyevna would be
shrouded in a mist in his memory, and only from time to time would
visit him in his dreams with a touching smile as others did. But
more
than a month passed, real winter had come, and everything was still
clear in his memory as though he had parted with Anna Sergeyevna
only
the day before. And his memories glowed more and more vividly. When
in the evening stillness he heard from his study the voices of his
children, preparing their lessons, or when he listened to a song or
the organ at the restaurant, or the storm howled in the chimney,
suddenly everything would rise up in his memory: what had happened
on
the groyne, and the early morning with the mist on the mountains,
and
the steamer coming from Theodosia, and the kisses. He would pace a
long time about his room, remembering it all and smiling; then his
memories passed into dreams, and in his fancy the past was mingled
with what was to come. Anna Sergeyevna did not visit him in dreams,
but followed him about everywhere like a shadow and haunted him.
When
he shut his eyes he saw her as though she were living before him,
and
she seemed to him lovelier, younger, tenderer than she was; and he
imagined himself finer than he had been in Yalta. In the evenings
she
peeped out at him from the bookcase, from the fireplace, from the
corner—he heard her breathing, the caressing rustle of her dress.
In the street he watched the women, looking for some one like
her.He
was tormented by an intense desire to confide his memories to some
one. But in his home it was impossible to talk of his love, and he
had no one outside; he could not talk to his tenants nor to any one
at the bank. And what had he to talk of? Had he been in love, then?
Had there been anything beautiful, poetical, or edifying or simply
interesting in his relations with Anna Sergeyevna? And there was
nothing for him but to talk vaguely of love, of woman, and no one
guessed what it meant; only his wife twitched her black eyebrows,
and
said:"The
part of a lady-killer does not suit you at all, Dimitri."One
evening, coming out of the doctors' club with an official with whom
he had been playing cards, he could not resist saying:"If
only you knew what a fascinating woman I made the acquaintance of
in
Yalta!"The
official got into his sledge and was driving away, but turned
suddenly and shouted:"Dmitri
Dmitritch!""What?""You
were right this evening: the sturgeon was a bit too strong!"These
words, so ordinary, for some reason moved Gurov to indignation, and
struck him as degrading and unclean. What savage manners, what
people! What senseless nights, what uninteresting, uneventful days!
The rage for card-playing, the gluttony, the drunkenness, the
continual talk always about the same thing. Useless pursuits and
conversations always about the same things absorb the better part
of
one's time, the better part of one's strength, and in the end there
is left a life grovelling and curtailed, worthless and trivial, and
there is no escaping or getting away from it—just as though one
were in a madhouse or a prison.Gurov
did not sleep all night, and was filled with indignation. And he
had
a headache all next day. And the next night he slept badly; he sat
up
in bed, thinking, or paced up and down his room. He was sick of his
children, sick of the bank; he had no desire to go anywhere or to
talk of anything.In
the holidays in December he prepared for a journey, and told his
wife
he was going to Petersburg to do something in the interests of a
young friend—and he set off for S——. What for? He did not very
well know himself. He wanted to see Anna Sergeyevna and to talk
with
her—to arrange a meeting, if possible.He
reached S—— in the morning, and took the best room at the hotel,
in which the floor was covered with grey army cloth, and on the
table
was an inkstand, grey with dust and adorned with a figure on
horseback, with its hat in its hand and its head broken off. The
hotel porter gave him the necessary information; Von Diderits lived
in a house of his own in Old Gontcharny Street—it was not far from
the hotel: he was rich and lived in good style, and had his own
horses; every one in the town knew him. The porter pronounced the
name "Dridirits."Gurov
went without haste to Old Gontcharny Street and found the house.
Just
opposite the house stretched a long grey fence adorned with
nails."One
would run away from a fence like that," thought Gurov, looking
from the fence to the windows of the house and back again.He
considered: to-day was a holiday, and the husband would probably be
at home. And in any case it would be tactless to go into the house
and upset her. If he were to send her a note it might fall into her
husband's hands, and then it might ruin everything. The best thing
was to trust to chance. And he kept walking up and down the street
by
the fence, waiting for the chance. He saw a beggar go in at the
gate
and dogs fly at him; then an hour later he heard a piano, and the
sounds were faint and indistinct. Probably it was Anna Sergeyevna
playing. The front door suddenly opened, and an old woman came out,
followed by the familiar white Pomeranian. Gurov was on the point
of
calling to the dog, but his heart began beating violently, and in
his
excitement he could not remember the dog's name.He
walked up and down, and loathed the grey fence more and more, and
by
now he thought irritably that Anna Sergeyevna had forgotten him,
and
was perhaps already amusing herself with some one else, and that
that
was very natural in a young woman who had nothing to look at from
morning till night but that confounded fence. He went back to his
hotel room and sat for a long while on the sofa, not knowing what
to
do, then he had dinner and a long nap."How
stupid and worrying it is!" he thought when he woke and looked
at the dark windows: it was already evening. "Here I've had a
good sleep for some reason. What shall I do in the night?"He
sat on the bed, which was covered by a cheap grey blanket, such as
one sees in hospitals, and he taunted himself in his
vexation:"So
much for the lady with the dog ... so much for the adventure....
You're in a nice fix...."That
morning at the station a poster in large letters had caught his
eye.
"The Geisha" was to be performed for the first time. He
thought of this and went to the theatre."It's
quite possible she may go to the first performance," he
thought.The
theatre was full. As in all provincial theatres, there was a fog
above the chandelier, the gallery was noisy and restless; in the
front row the local dandies were standing up before the beginning
of
the performance, with their hands behind them; in the Governor's
box
the Governor's daughter, wearing a boa, was sitting in the front
seat, while the Governor himself lurked modestly behind the curtain
with only his hands visible; the orchestra was a long time tuning
up;
the stage curtain swayed. All the time the audience were coming in
and taking their seats Gurov looked at them eagerly.Anna
Sergeyevna, too, came in. She sat down in the third row, and when
Gurov looked at her his heart contracted, and he understood clearly
that for him there was in the whole world no creature so near, so
precious, and so important to him; she, this little woman, in no
way
remarkable, lost in a provincial crowd, with a vulgar lorgnette in
her hand, filled his whole life now, was his sorrow and his joy,
the
one happiness that he now desired for himself, and to the sounds of
the inferior orchestra, of the wretched provincial violins, he
thought how lovely she was. He thought and dreamed.A
young man with small side-whiskers, tall and stooping, came in with
Anna Sergeyevna and sat down beside her; he bent his head at every
step and seemed to be continually bowing. Most likely this was the
husband whom at Yalta, in a rush of bitter feeling, she had called
a
flunkey. And there really was in his long figure, his
side-whiskers,
and the small bald patch on his head, something of the flunkey's
obsequiousness; his smile was sugary, and in his buttonhole there
was
some badge of distinction like the number on a waiter.During
the first interval the husband went away to smoke; she remained
alone
in her stall. Gurov, who was sitting in the stalls, too, went up to
her and said in a trembling voice, with a forced smile:"Good-evening."She
glanced at him and turned pale, then glanced again with horror,
unable to believe her eyes, and tightly gripped the fan and the
lorgnette in her hands, evidently struggling with herself not to
faint. Both were silent. She was sitting, he was standing,
frightened
by her confusion and not venturing to sit down beside her. The
violins and the flute began tuning up. He felt suddenly frightened;
it seemed as though all the people in the boxes were looking at
them.
She got up and went quickly to the door; he followed her, and both
walked senselessly along passages, and up and down stairs, and
figures in legal, scholastic, and civil service uniforms, all
wearing
badges, flitted before their eyes. They caught glimpses of ladies,
of
fur coats hanging on pegs; the draughts blew on them, bringing a
smell of stale tobacco. And Gurov, whose heart was beating
violently,
thought:"Oh,
heavens! Why are these people here and this orchestra!..."And
at that instant he recalled how when he had seen Anna Sergeyevna
off
at the station he had thought that everything was over and they
would
never meet again. But how far they were still from the end!On
the narrow, gloomy staircase over which was written "To the
Amphitheatre," she stopped."How
you have frightened me!" she said, breathing hard, still pale
and overwhelmed. "Oh, how you have frightened me! I am half
dead. Why have you come? Why?""But
do understand, Anna, do understand ..." he said hastily in a low
voice. "I entreat you to understand...."She
looked at him with dread, with entreaty, with love; she looked at
him
intently, to keep his features more distinctly in her
memory."I
am so unhappy," she went on, not heeding him. "I have
thought of nothing but you all the time; I live only in the thought
of you. And I wanted to forget, to forget you; but why, oh, why,
have
you come?"On
the landing above them two schoolboys were smoking and looking
down,
but that was nothing to Gurov; he drew Anna Sergeyevna to him, and
began kissing her face, her cheeks, and her hands."What
are you doing, what are you doing!" she cried in horror, pushing
him away. "We are mad. Go away to-day; go away at once.... I
beseech you by all that is sacred, I implore you.... There are
people
coming this way!"Some
one was coming up the stairs."You
must go away," Anna Sergeyevna went on in a whisper. "Do
you hear, Dmitri Dmitritch? I will come and see you in Moscow. I
have
never been happy; I am miserable now, and I never, never shall be
happy, never! Don't make me suffer still more! I swear I'll come to
Moscow. But now let us part. My precious, good, dear one, we must
part!"She
pressed his hand and began rapidly going downstairs, looking round
at
him, and from her eyes he could see that she really was unhappy.
Gurov stood for a little while, listened, then, when all sound had
died away, he found his coat and left the theatre.IVAnd
Anna Sergeyevna began coming to see him in Moscow. Once in two or
three months she left S——, telling her husband that she was going
to consult a doctor about an internal complaint—and her husband
believed her, and did not believe her. In Moscow she stayed at the
Slaviansky Bazaar hotel, and at once sent a man in a red cap to
Gurov. Gurov went to see her, and no one in Moscow knew of
it.Once
he was going to see her in this way on a winter morning (the
messenger had come the evening before when he was out). With him
walked his daughter, whom he wanted to take to school: it was on
the
way. Snow was falling in big wet flakes."It's
three degrees above freezing-point, and yet it is snowing," said
Gurov to his daughter. "The thaw is only on the surface of the
earth; there is quite a different temperature at a greater height
in
the atmosphere.""And
why are there no thunderstorms in the winter, father?"He
explained that, too. He talked, thinking all the while that he was
going to see her, and no living soul knew of it, and probably never
would know. He had two lives: one, open, seen and known by all who
cared to know, full of relative truth and of relative falsehood,
exactly like the lives of his friends and acquaintances; and
another
life running its course in secret. And through some strange,
perhaps
accidental, conjunction of circumstances, everything that was
essential, of interest and of value to him, everything in which he
was sincere and did not deceive himself, everything that made the
kernel of his life, was hidden from other people; and all that was
false in him, the sheath in which he hid himself to conceal the
truth—such, for instance, as his work in the bank, his discussions
at the club, his "lower race," his presence with his wife
at anniversary festivities—all that was open. And he judged of
others by himself, not believing in what he saw, and always
believing
that every man had his real, most interesting life under the cover
of
secrecy and under the cover of night. All personal life rested on
secrecy, and possibly it was partly on that account that civilised
man was so nervously anxious that personal privacy should be
respected.After
leaving his daughter at school, Gurov went on to the Slaviansky
Bazaar. He took off his fur coat below, went upstairs, and softly
knocked at the door. Anna Sergeyevna, wearing his favourite grey
dress, exhausted by the journey and the suspense, had been
expecting
him since the evening before. She was pale; she looked at him, and
did not smile, and he had hardly come in when she fell on his
breast.
Their kiss was slow and prolonged, as though they had not met for
two
years."Well,
how are you getting on there?" he asked. "What news?""Wait;
I'll tell you directly.... I can't talk."She
could not speak; she was crying. She turned away from him, and
pressed her handkerchief to her eyes."Let
her have her cry out. I'll sit down and wait," he thought, and
he sat down in an arm-chair.Then
he rang and asked for tea to be brought him, and while he drank his
tea she remained standing at the window with her back to him. She
was
crying from emotion, from the miserable consciousness that their
life
was so hard for them; they could only meet in secret, hiding
themselves from people, like thieves! Was not their life
shattered?"Come,
do stop!" he said.It
was evident to him that this love of theirs would not soon be over,
that he could not see the end of it. Anna Sergeyevna grew more and
more attached to him. She adored him, and it was unthinkable to say
to her that it was bound to have an end some day; besides, she
would
not have believed it!He
went up to her and took her by the shoulders to say something
affectionate and cheering, and at that moment he saw himself in the
looking-glass.His
hair was already beginning to turn grey. And it seemed strange to
him
that he had grown so much older, so much plainer during the last
few
years. The shoulders on which his hands rested were warm and
quivering. He felt compassion for this life, still so warm and
lovely, but probably already not far from beginning to fade and
wither like his own. Why did she love him so much? He always seemed
to women different from what he was, and they loved in him not
himself, but the man created by their imagination, whom they had
been
eagerly seeking all their lives; and afterwards, when they noticed
their mistake, they loved him all the same. And not one of them had
been happy with him. Time passed, he had made their acquaintance,
got
on with them, parted, but he had never once loved; it was anything
you like, but not love.And
only now when his head was grey he had fallen properly, really in
love—for the first time in his life.Anna
Sergeyevna and he loved each other like people very close and akin,
like husband and wife, like tender friends; it seemed to them that
fate itself had meant them for one another, and they could not
understand why he had a wife and she a husband; and it was as
though
they were a pair of birds of passage, caught and forced to live in
different cages. They forgave each other for what they were ashamed
of in their past, they forgave everything in the present, and felt
that this love of theirs had changed them both.In
moments of depression in the past he had comforted himself with any
arguments that came into his mind, but now he no longer cared for
arguments; he felt profound compassion, he wanted to be sincere and
tender...."Don't
cry, my darling," he said. "You've had your cry; that's
enough.... Let us talk now, let us think of some plan."Then
they spent a long while taking counsel together, talked of how to
avoid the necessity for secrecy, for deception, for living in
different towns and not seeing each other for long at a time. How
could they be free from this intolerable bondage?"How?
How?" he asked, clutching his head. "How?"And
it seemed as though in a little while the solution would be found,
and then a new and splendid life would begin; and it was clear to
both of them that they had still a long, long road before them, and
that the most complicated and difficult part of it was only just
beginning.