CHAPTER I
THOMAS
LEIGH, ex-boy, considered the dozen neckties before him a long time,
and finally decided to wait until after breakfast.It
was his second day at home and his third day out of college. Already
his undergraduate life seemed far away. His triumphs—of personality
rather than of scholarship—lingered as a luminous mist that
softened the sterner realities and mellowed them goldenly. When one
is young reminiscences of one's youth are apt to take on a tinge of
melancholy, but Tommy, not having breakfasted, shook off the mood
determinedly. He was two hundred and fifty-five months old;
therefore, he decided that no great man ever crosses a bridge until
he comes to it. Tommy's bridge was still one long joy-ride ahead. The
sign, "Slow down to four miles an hour!" was not yet in
sight. The selection of the necktie was a serious matter because he
was to lunch at Sherry's with the one sister and the younger of the
two cousins of Rivington Willetts.In
the mean time he had an invitation to spend the first half of July
with Bull Wilson's folks at Gloucester, a week with "Van"
Van Schaick for the cruise at Newport, as long as he wished with
Jimmy Maitland at Mr. Maitland's camp in the Adirondacks, and he had
given a half promise to accompany Ellis Gladwin to Labrador for big
game in the fall.He
suddenly remembered that he was at his last ten-spot. There was the
Old Man to touch for fifty bucks. And also—sometime—he must have
a heart-to-heart talk of a business nature about his allowance. He
and his friends desired to take a post-graduate course. They proposed
to specialize on New York.Mr.
Leigh always called him Thomas. This had saved Mr. Leigh at least one
thousand dollars a year during Tommy's four at college, by making
Tommy realize that he had no doting father. At times the boy had sent
his requests for an extra fifty with some misgivings—by reason of
the impelling cause of the request—but Mr. Leigh always sent the
check for the exact amount by return mail, and made no direct
reference to it. Instead he permitted himself an irrelevant phrase or
two, like, "Remember, Thomas, that you must have no conditions
at the end of the term."Possibly
because of a desire to play fair with a parent who had no sense of
humor, or perhaps it was because he was level-headed enough not to
overwork a good thing, at all events Tommy managed, sometimes pretty
narrowly, to escape the conditions. And being very popular, and
knowing that quotable wisdom was expected of him, he was rather
careful of what he said and did.He
knew nothing about his father's business affairs, excepting that Mr.
Leigh was connected with the Metropolitan National Bank, which was a
very rich bank, and that he continued to live in the little house on
West Twelfth Street, because it was in that house that Mrs. Leigh had
lived her seventeen months of married life—it was where Tommy was
bom and where she died. The furniture was chiefly old family pieces
which, without his being aware of it, had made Tommy feel at home in
the houses of the very wealthy friends he had made at college. It is
something to have been American for two hundred years. Family
furniture reminds you of it every day.Tommy
wondered, curiously rather than anxiously, how much his father would
allow him, and whether it would be wiser to argue like a man against
its inadequacy or to plead like a boy for an increase; then whether
he ought to get it in cash Saturday mornings or to have a checking
account at his father's bank. But one thing was certain—he would
not be led into reckless check-signing habits. His boy-financier days
were over. Those of his friends who had multi-millionaire fathers
were always complaining of being hard up. It was, therefore, not an
unfashionable thing to be. He surmised that his father was not really
rich, because he kept no motor, had no expensive personal habits,
belonged to no clubs, and never sent to Tommy at college more money
than Tommy asked for, and, moreover, sent it only when Tommy asked.
Since his Prep-school days Tommy had spent most of his vacations at
boys' houses. Mr. Leigh at times was invited to join him, or to
become acquainted with the families of Tommy's friends, but he never
accepted.Tommy,
having definitely decided not to make any plans until after his first
grown-up business talk with his father, looked at himself in the
mirror and put on his best serious look. He was satisfied with it. He
had successfully used it on mature business men when soliciting
advertisements for the college paper.He
then decided to breakfast with his father, who had the eccentric
habit of leaving the house at exactly eight-forty a.m.It
was actually only eight-eight when Tommy entered the dining-room.
Maggie, the elderly chambermaid and waitress, in her twenty-second
consecutive year of service, whom he always remembered as the only
woman who could be as taciturn as his father, looked surprised, but
served him oatmeal. It was a warm day in June, but this household ran
in ruts.Mr.
Leigh looked up from his newspaper. "Good morning, Thomas,"
he said. Then he resumed his
Tribune."Good
morning, father," said Tommy, and had a sense of having left his
salutation unfinished. He breakfasted in a sober, business-like way,
feeling age creeping upon him. Nevertheless, when he had finished he
hesitated to light a cigarette. He never had done it in the house,
for his father had expressed the wish that his son should not smoke
until he was of age. Tommy's twenty-first birthday had come off at
college.Well,
he was of age now.The
smell of the vile thing made Mr. Leigh look at his son, frowning.
Then he ceased to frown. "Ah yes," he observed,
meditatively, "you are of age. You are a man now.""I
suspect I am, father," said Thomas, pleasantly. "In fact,
I—""Then
it is time you heard man's talk!"Mr.
Leigh took out his watch, looked at it, and put it back in his pocket
with a methodical leisureliness that made Tommy realize that Mr.
Leigh was a very old man, though he could not be more than fifty.
Tommy was silent, and was made subtly conscious that in not speaking
he was somehow playing safe."Thomas,
I have treated you as a boy during twenty-one years." Mr. Leigh
paused just long enough for Tommy to wonder why he had not added "and
three months." Mr. Leigh went on, with that same uncomfortable,
senile precision: "Your mother would have wished it. You are a
man now and—"He
closed his lips abruptly, but without any suggestion of temper or of
making a sudden decision, and rose, a bit stiffly. His face took on a
look of grim resolution that filled Tommy with that curious form of
indeterminate remorse with which we anticipate abstract accusations
against which there is no concrete defense. It seemed to make an
utter stranger of Mr. Leigh. Tommy saw before him a life with which
his own did not merge. He would have preferred a scolding as being
more paternal, more humanly flesh-and-blood. He was not frightened.He
never had been wild; at the worst he had been a complacent shirker of
future responsibilities, with that more or less adventurous desire to
float on the tide that comes to American boys whose financial
necessities do not compel them to fix their anchorage definitely. At
college such boys are active citizens in their community, concerned
with sports and class politics, and the development of their
immemorial strategy against existing institutions. And for the same
sad reason of youth Tommy could not possibly know that he was now
standing, not on a rug in his father's dining-room, but on the top of
life's first hill, with a pleasant valley below him—and one steep
mountain beyond. All that his quick self-scrutinizing could do was to
end in wondering which particular exploit, thitherto deemed unknown
to his father, was to be the key-note of the impending speech. And
for the life of him, without seeking self-extenuation, he could not
think of any serious enough to bring so grimly determined a look on
his father's face.Mr.
Leigh folded the newspaper, and, without looking at his son, said,
harshly, "Come with me into the library."Tommy
followed his father into the particularly gloomy room at the back of
the second floor, where all the chairs were too uncomfortable for any
one to wish to read any book there. On the small black-walnut table
were the family Bible, an ivory paper-cutter, and a silver frame in
which was a fading photograph of his mother."Sit
down!" commanded the old man. There was a new note in the voice.Tommy
sat down, the vague disquietude within him for the first time rising
to alarm. He wondered if his father's mind was sound, and instantly
dismissed the suspicion. It was too unpleasant to consider, and,
moreover, it seemed disloyal. Tommy was very strong on loyalty. His
college life had given it to him.Mr.
Leigh looked, not at his son but at the photograph of his son's
mother, a long time it seemed to Tommy. At length he raised his head
and stared at his son.Tommy
saw that the grimness had gone. There remained only calm resolve.
Knowing that the speech was about to begin, Tommy squared his
shoulders. He would answer "Yes" or "No"
truthfully. He wasn't afraid now."Thomas,
the sacrifices I have made for you I do not begrudge," said Mr.
Leigh, in a voice that did not tremble because an iron will would not
let it. "But it is well that you should know once for all that
you can never repay me in full. You are my only son. But—you cost
me your mother!"Tommy
knew that his mother had paid for his life with her own—knew it
from Maggie, not from his father. To Tommy love and loyalty were
among the undoubted pleasures of life. Recriminations he looked upon
as evidences of a shabby soul. He repressed the desire to defend
himself against injustice and loyally said, "Yes, sir!"His
father went on, "I have kept also an accurate account of what
you have cost me in cash."Mr.
Leigh went to his desk and took from a drawer a small book bound in
morocco. He came back to the table, sat down, motioned Tommy to a
chair beside him, opened the book at the first page, and showed
Tommy:Thomas
Francis Leigh, In acct. with William R. Leigh, Dr.Tommy
felt that he was at the funeral services of some one he knew. His
father seemed to hesitate, then handed the little book to Tommy. The
morocco cover was black—the color of mourning.Mr.
Leigh went on in the voice a man will use when he is staring not
through space, but across time: "Before you were born we were
sure you would be a boy. She formed great plans for you. It is just
as well that she did; it gave her the only happiness she ever got
from you." He raised his eyes to Tommy's, and with a half frown
that was not of anger, said: "She was very extravagant in her
gifts to you. She spent money lavishly, months before you were born,
on what she thought you would love to have—large sums, all on
paper, for we were very poor and had no money whatever to put aside
for the day when you should need it. She told me many times that she
did not wish you to have brothers or sisters, because she already
loved you so much that she felt she could never love the others, and
it would not be fair." The old, old man paused. Then he added,
softly, "She had her wish, my son!"Tommy
felt very uncomfortable. His mother was coming to life in his heart.
What for years had been a faint convention was now dramatizing in
blood and tears before his very eyes. He felt more like a son than
ever before, and—this was curious!—more like a son to his own
father. And his own father continued in a monotone:"But
being a bookkeeper at a bank and being very, very poor, the only
inexpensive recreation I could think of was to keep your books for
you. So I debited you with every penny I spent for you. You will find
that the first item in that book was a lace cap which she bought for
you at a special sale, for $2.69. I didn't scold her for
extravagance. Instead, I gave up smoking. And—I have kept the cap,
my son!"Tommy
looked down, that he might not see his father's face. He read the
first item. The ink was pale, but the writing was legible. It was as
his father had said. And there were other items, all for baby
clothes. He read them one after another, dully, until he came to:Doctor
Wyman..................................$218.50
Funeral expenses in full......................$191.15The
old man seemed to know, in some mysterious way, which particular item
Tommy was reading, for he said, suddenly, with a subtle note of
apology in his voice:"I
loved her, my son! I loved her! You cost me her life! You did not do
it intentionally. But—but I felt you owed me something, and so
I—charged you with the expense incurred. She would have—fought
for you; but I held it against you and I wrote it down. And I wrote
it down, in black and white, that in my grief I might have an added
grief, my son!"Tommy
looked up suddenly, and saw that his father was nodding toward the
photograph on the table, nodding again and again. And Tommy felt
himself becoming more and more a son—to both! He did not think
concretely of any one thing, but he felt that he was enveloped by a
life that does not die. That, after all, is the function of death.Presently
Mr. Leigh ceased to nod at the photograph and looked at Tommy. And in
the same dispirited monotone, as though his very soul had kept books
for an eternity, said:"We
talked over your life, my son. Months before you came she picked out
your schools and your college. It is to those that you have gone. She
had no social ambitions for herself. They were all for you. She
wanted you to be the intimate of those whom we called the best people
in those days. They are your friends to-day. I promised her that I
would do as she wished." The old man looked at Tommy straight in
the eyes. "You have had everything you wished—at least,
everything you ever asked me for. I have kept my promise to her. And,
my son, I do not begrudge the cost!"The
way he looked when he said this made Tommy exceedingly uncomfortable.
It was plain that Mr. Leigh was much poorer than Tommy had feared. In
some way not quite fully grasped, Tommy Leigh realized that all his
plans—the plans he really had not formed!—were brought to naught.
And when his father spoke again Tommy listened with as poignant an
interest as before, but with distinctly less curiosity."Her
plans for you all were for your boyhood. After your graduation from
college I was to take charge of your business career, provide or
suggest or approve of your life's occupation. The day is here. I owe
you an explanation, that you may be helped to a decision following
your understanding of your position—and of mine!" He ceased to
speak, rose, took from the table the photograph of his wife, looked
at it, and muttered, "It is now between us men!"He
carried the photograph to his bedroom. He returned presently and,
looking at Tommy full in the face, said with a touch of sternness
that had been absent from his voice while the photograph was on the
table:"My
son, when we married I was getting exactly eighteen dollars a week.
Your grandmother lived with us and paid the rent of this house, in
return for which she had her meals with us. When you were born I was
getting one thousand and forty dollars a year. This house—the only
house in which she lived with me—I kept after she died and after
your grandmother went away. I do not own it. It is too big for my
needs—and too small for my regrets. But I could not live anywhere
else. And so I have kept it all these years. My salary at the bank
was raised to fifteen hundred dollars when you were four years old,
and later to eighteen hundred dollars. For the last fourteen years my
salary from the bank has been twenty-five hundred dollars a year."Tommy
felt as if something as heavy as molten lead and as cold as frozen
air had been force-pumped into his heart and had filled it to
bursting."You
have cost me, up to this day, a trifle over seventeen thousand
dollars. At school you cost me a little less than my salary. At
college you spent one thousand eight hundred and seventy-eight
dollars for your Freshman, two thousand and twelve dollars for your
Sophomore, two thousand one hundred and forty-six dollars for your
Junior, and two thousand three hundred and ninety-one dollars for
your Senior year. Your summer vacation expenses have added an average
of four hundred dollars a year to what you cost me since you were
sixteen. But I have kept my promise to her. I do not begrudge the
cost!"There
was a subtle defiance' in the old man's voice, and also a subtle
accusation. To Tommy his father's arithmetic had in it something not
only incomprehensible, but uncanny. The old man looked as if he
expected speech from his son, so Tommy stammered uncomfortably:"I—I
suppose—your s-savings—"The
grim lines came back to the old man's mouth. "I had the house
rent to pay, and my salary was what I have told you.""I
don't quite understand—" floundered Tommy."You
have had the college and the friends she wished you to have. When you
asked for money I always sent it to you. I asked no questions and
urged no economies.""I
had no idea—" began Tommy, and suddenly ceased to talk. There
came a question into his eyes. The past was over and done with. There
remained the future. What was expected of him? What was he to do?But
the old man missed the question. All he saw was an interrogation, and
he said, "You wish to know how I did it?"This
was not at all what Tommy really wished to know, but he nodded, for,
after all, his father's answer would be one of the many answers to
one of the many questions he had to ask."My
son"—Mr. Leigh spoke in a low voice, but looked unflinchingly
at his son—"I ask you, as a grown man, what does an old and
trusted bank employee always do who spends much more than his
salary?"Tommy's
soul became a frozen mass, numb, immobile. Then a flame smote him
full in the face, so intense that he put up his hands to protect it.
He stared unseeingly at his father. There flashed before him ten
thousand cinematograph nightmares that fleeted by before he could
grasp the details. He felt a slight nausea. He feared to breathe,
because he was afraid to find himself alive."Father!"
he gasped.Mr.
Leigh's face was livid. He said, sternly, "I have kept my
promise to her!""But
why did you—why did you—keep me at college? Why didn't you tell
me you had no money?""I
did as she wished me to do. Believe me, my son, I am not sorry. But
it need not go on.""No!"
shouted Tommy. "No!" Then he added, feverishly: "Certainly
not! Certainly not!" He shook his head furiously. His brain was
filled with fragments of thoughts, shreds of fears, syncopated
emotions that did not quite crystallize, but were replaced by others
again and again. But uppermost in the boy's mind, not because he was
selfish but because he was young and, therefore, without the
defensive weapons that experience supplies, was this: I am the son of
a thief!Then
came the poignant realization that all that he had got from life had
been obtained under false pretenses. The systematic stealing for
years had gone to pay for his friendships and his good times. The
tradesmen's bills had been settled with other people's money. He was
innocent of any crime, but he had been the beneficiary of one. And
the boy for whom a father had done this asked himself why his father
had done it. And his only answer was that he now was the son of a
thief.As
the confusion in his mind grew less explosive, fear entered Tommy's
soul—the oldest of all civilized fears, the fear of discovery! He
began to read the newspaper head-lines of the inevitable to-morrow.
He found himself looking into the horror-stricken faces of those whom
he loved best, the warm-hearted companions of his later life, whose
opinions became more awful than the wrath of his Maker and more
desirable than His mercy.He
would give his life, everything, if only discovery were averted until
he could return the money. If fate only waited! Where could he get
the money? Where was the source of money?His
father was the natural person from whom to ask, from whom the answer
would come, and the habit of a lifetime could not be shaken off in an
instant. It was exquisite agony to be deprived abruptly of what had
become almost an instinct.And
Tommy was not thinking of his father, not even to blame him, not even
to forgive him. He thought of himself, of his own life, of the
dreadful future that settled itself into the words: "If it were
known!""What
shall I do?" he muttered, brokenly, gazing at his father with
eyes that did not see one face, but many—the faces of friends!"At
your age I went to work," said Mr. Leigh. The voice was neither
accusing nor sympathetic. It sounded very, very weary."I
want to! I want to! Right away!" cried Tommy, loudly."I
looked," pursued Mr. Leigh, monotonously, "in the
Herald for 'Help
Wanted—Male.' I got my position with the bank that way, and I've
been there ever since.""I
will! Where is the
Herald?" said
Tommy, without looking at his father. He was afraid to see and to be
seen."I'll
send in one from the corner. I must go now, Thomas."The
fear of being left alone, with his problems unsolved, with his fears
uncalmed, alone with the consciousness of utter helplessness, made
Tommy say, wildly:"But,
father, I—You—I—" He ceased to flounder. It was not
pleasant to look upon his young face, pallid, drawn, with the
nostrils pinched as with physical pain, and fear made visible, almost
palpable, in ten thousand ways."I
must go! I must be in the bank—before the cashier. I—I—I have
done it since—since you went to Prep.-School." The old man
nodded his head with a pitiful weariness."But,
father—" cried Tommy."I
must go!" There was a pause. Then in a firmer voice: "Don't
lose your grip, my son. I alone am responsible for my actions. I have
done my duty by her. From now on you must fight your own fights. I'll
send in the Herald.
And, my son—""Yes?"
said Tommy, eagerly. What he prayed for was a miracle. He wished to
hear that there was no immediate danger."You
will need some pocket mo—""No!
No!" shrieked Tommy Leigh. His voice was shrill as a little
boy's.Mr.
Leigh's fists, unseen by Tommy, clenched tightly. But his voice had
an apologetic note. "Very well, my son. I—I must be in the
bank before—You must be a man. Good-by, my son!"Without
another look at his only son Mr. Leigh walked out of the room, his
face grim, his lips pressed tightly together, his fists clenching and
unclenching.