1,111 Excuses, Evasions, White Lies and Fibs E-Book

Fine Findig

• Herausgeber: Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Seitenzahl: 115

Beschreibung

Who hasn't experienced this: you are late or have forgotten an appointment, missed a birthday or even your wedding day, or you haven't yet managed to complete an important task. You got a bad grade at school, you can't concentrate, you can't or don't want to give a presentation, you or your colleague can't be reached, something breaks, you don't feel like cooking or cleaning the house--time and again you find yourself in unpleasant situations where you don't have the right idea. It's no longer hard to know what to do, because among the 1,111 (and more) excuses, evasions, white lies and fibs, you are sure to find one that will quickly provide you with a good explanation.

Leseprobe

Content

Coming too late or not at all: Excuses for all occasions

Only minutes or even hours: You are late

It might happen: You don't come at all

Whether it's a job or school: You’ve overstayed your break

Excuses For Your Personality And Mannerisms

The care formula for your outer appearance

Feel free to cultivate your idiosyncrasies

Against good manners. But thoroughly.

How's your figure?

If you cannot be reached by phone

If you cannot be reached by phone: push the answering machine forward

Keeping annoying admirers at bay

Excuses for Partners, Family and Friends

How embarrassing: forgetting a birthday again

As nearly every year: missed the wedding day

Explanations for jealousy scenes, which of course lack any foundation

Maybe for a good reason: not keeping a promise...

Always a hard case: not to attend the family party

Avoiding a holiday with distant acquaintances

The fine art of cooking-and the mishaps in the process

Who likes to do the housework?

Excuses for Acquaintances, Neighbourhood and Club Life

Noise protection ordinance: Excuses for the neighbourhood

There's no such thing as unbreakable: now you need an excuse

Training for the brain: weak in sports, strong in excuses

Forgotten to return something you borrowed? Here is the explanation

Excuses for School and Study

Tolerable excuses for unbearable homework

So that parents and teachers understand why the grade is so bad

The written work is not yet available

Giving a presentation is avoidable

Better no grade than an F

Overslept or unfocused?

Brain jogging against school sports

Excuses For Bosses & Colleagues

Not yet completed your most urgent task

You are completely sleepy or unfocused

You have not delivered something

Use the pitfalls of technology

You are playing on the computer or surfing the Internet privately

How do I gloss over unattractive things in job applications?

Excuses For Customers & Business Partners

The client's order has not yet been completed

The customer has not received the goods

The delivery is late

You have not called back

Letter/email has not arrived

The invoice is not yet paid

The usual suspects: Problems with the computers

Your colleague/chief cannot be reached by phone

Excuses For Authorities, Institutions And Companies

How do I explain the unpaid bill?

How do I explain my traffic sins?

How do I explain the parking violation to the traffic office?

How do I explain driving without a valid ticket?

How do I explain the mishap or accident to the insurance company?

How can the waiting time at the doctor, hairdresser or supermarket checkout be shortened?

Excuses For The Brave

Do you think anyone will believe you? Excuses why you are not yet rich and famous

No one will believe you: excuses from the realm of fantasy

Preliminary remarks

Being late or forgetting an appointment, not completing a task, getting a bad grade at school or being unavailable–time and again in life there are unpleasant situations in which you need a good explanation for omissions and misfortunes.

It’s not longer hard to know what to do, because among the 1,111 excuses, evasions, white lies and fibs, you're sure to find one that gives you a good explanation.

The explanations are not all to be taken seriously. Some excuses are quite humorous, others are cheeky and provocative, and finally there are some quite fantastic ones.

One more important note: Whether you use the excuse for parking illegally or for not paying bills, there is of course no guarantee and no warranty that you will get away with it. This depends, among other things, on how well and credibly you can present your excuse.

Good luck–and above all, have fun!

Coming too late or not at all: Excuses for all occasions

Only minutes or even hours: You are late

Ever since my alarm clock fell off last week, it hasn't worked properly.

The lock on the front door wouldn't open from the inside, so I had to call a locksmith to even get out.

My grandma had misplaced her third teeth and I had to help look for them.

I overtook a lorry and missed the exit. Then I had to drive the whole distance to the next exit. (It looks even more credible if you give more precise details about the exit and the extra kilometres/miles).

I thought it was Saturday. It wasn't until I got the newspaper that I realised it was only Friday.

The motorway was so full that even the exits were jammed.

There were problems with the species-appropriate accommodation of Franzi. (When asked who Franzi is, come up with an answer like my tortoise, my budgie, my wife or similar).

The pedestrian lights didn't turn green and I didn't want to set a bad example for the children next to me.

The electric gate of my garage didn't open this morning.

The deodorant I put on this morning made me faint.

Do you know Murphy's Law? Well, you see: I couldn't come on time at all. (Murphy's Law or Murphy's Law says nothing else than: If something can go wrong, it will certainly go wrong).

The queue at the metro exit was so big that it just took so long to get out of there.

I thought the discounter was selling PCs mega-cheap again, so I stood in line for over an hour. But either there were none or they were already sold out, in any case I didn't get one.

God didn't wake me up today. She's usually so reliable.

I couldn't leave the house, my wife had taken all the trousers to the cleaners.

Time had stopped. Or so I thought and waited for the end of the world. It was only hours later that I realised it was only the clock that had stopped.

I had to go past the bank this morning and the bank card got stuck– I had to pop it out again with pliers. (You might even be able to fray an old card on the side a bit and show it off).

At breakfast, a filling fell out and I had to go to the dentist urgently.

I had accidentally taken an overdose of the cough medicine this morning– suddenly I felt dizzy and had to lie down.

The tram had a power cut.

I couldn't find the book with the excuses. A friend of mine needed it badly.

There was a politician's car on the road and everything was jammed behind the motorcade of important people and policemen.

The central locking from the car would not open.

I took my parents to the train today and carried the suitcase into the compartment. The train left while I was still on it. I got off at the next station and am now waiting for a return ticket.

I got on the train in the wrong direction. (Works for buses and trams too, of course).

I had the tax investigation in the house and had to quickly hide my black money.

I'm on a diet at the moment and it's upset my internal clock.

The narrow tyres of my bike got caught in the tram tracks, even though the train was already running, and because of the traffic behind me I couldn't just stop, but had to get to the stop at the station. Only there could I stop, turn around and ride back safely on the tarmac.

I broke down, got my trousers dirty and went home to change.

I had forgotten that it was my wedding day and had to stop at the flower shop.

There's a bull terrier sitting outside my front door and every time I open the door he wants to attack me. I wait a while, maybe he'll go away on his own, I'll come later.

A lorry broke dowm and there was no way to overtake it and I couldn't turn around either.

Tonight I met xxx (insert name of celebrity here) and the dream was so good that I didn't wake up until 9 o'clock (or 10 o'clock or even later).

I need to have the navigation system in the car checked–the thing completely misled me.

To be perfectly honest: I was still too drunk to drive to work this morning. Responsible as I am, I therefore decided to stay at home.

The city is one big construction site and I didn't understand the traffic routing with the one-way streets. I drove in circles for half an hour.

The barries from the level crossing just wouldn't go up, even though the train had passed a long time ago.

The fire brigade had closed the road because there was a smell of gas in the air.

Obviously, I misunderstood the instructions for my new alarm clock.

My son/little brother fell off his bike and broke his leg, I had to make sure he got medical attention first.

The dry cleaners opened later today, so I didn't get to my suit in time.

The neighbour's cat was high up in the tree and couldn't get down–and my ladder was the only one long enough to get there.

I wanted to call and say that I would be late, but I had no network, there must have been a dead zone.

There was a dog abandoned by the road and I didn't find my way to the shelter right away.

My daughter/my ex-wife/whoever had a fresh pimple and was suicidal.

My tyre was flat and since I'm not very skilled at changing tyres, it took a little longer.

My wife must have brought the wrong clothes from the dry cleaners, the trousers were far too small.

An excavator broke down in front of my driveway-it was impossible to get past it.

The tram switch was wrong and by the time we got to the transfer stop, the connecting tram had gone.

When I wanted to get out of the garage, construction workers had dug up the road and I had to wait until the ditch was covered with a slab.

This morning every, but really every traffic light was on red.

A friend called me and started crying because her boyfriend had left her. Whenever I wanted to end the conversation, she hinted at suicidal tendencies, so I was stuck on the phone for hours until she calmed down to some extent.

I thought I had a radio-controlled clock that changed to daylight saving time by itself. (Only fits if you're an hour late just after the time change in spring).

I accidentally drank decaffeinated coffee and fell asleep at the breakfast table.

My little sister had an exam this morning and was so panicked that I had to talk her into it first.

The neighbour's rooster didn't crow this morning. Maybe he's already in the cooking pot. I don't know how I'll wake up tomorrow.

A concrete mixer tipped over in the bend in front of the house and all the concrete was lying around on the road.

I was late because I spent so long looking for a matching pair of socks. Since we started using the new detergent, I can only find single socks–the others seem to be dissolved by the suds ...

A huge branch from the old tree crashed into the road tonight and the fire brigade's chainsaw was broken. Everyone in the neighbourhood sawed it apart by hand.

Water pipe burst in the flat opposite. And because the neighbour is so scatterbrained, I took care of it myself. Otherwise it might have run under my door.

Because of a power cut last night, the time on the clock radio was wrong.

I had accidentally set the clock to the wrong time zone.

Due to climate change, a tree died and fell across the road. It was not possible to drive around the tree and there were lots of other cars jammed up behind me.

Some jokers put liquid glue in the door lock of the car. I can't get the door open.

Totally overslept, my cat must have knocked the alarm clock off the bedside table last night, it was lying on the floor this morning.

All the cars were snowed in, I shovelled and shovelled, but unfortunately shovelled the wrong car free. And then I walked around puzzling over which pile of snow my car was under. (Of course, this only works in a snowy winter!).

My car didn't start, so I hitchhiked, but the tractor I was riding on was a bit slow.

My grandmother was standing on the balcony and couldn't open the door to the flat, so I climbed over over the neighbouring flat to her to push open the jammed door. That cost me some time.

An old man fell down in front of me and I took him to the doctor. But thank God nothing was broken.

I'll be late today. Spent the night at my friend's and poured coffee over my fresh clothes, now I have to go home first to change.

I couldn't find my contact lens and I can't drive a car without it.

My son/little brother has double and triple knotted the laces on all his shoes. It took me a lot of time to unknot at least one pair of shoes.

There must be a marten in our neighbourhood that eats the cables. Tonight it was my car.

I wasn't in the mental condition to endure the crowdedness on public transport this morning, so I walked–it just takes longer.

The bus driver overlooked me at the bus stop and drove past.

Just as I was about to leave, a hoover salesman arrived and refused to be turned away.

I've been feeling so sick in the mornings for the last few days that I've been sitting on the toilet for hours until I finally feel better.