A Feckin' Tour of Ireland - Colin Murphy - E-Book

A Feckin' Tour of Ireland E-Book

Colin Murphy

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Beschreibung

The Emerald Isle has something for everyone, from the stupendous coastline and cliffs of the Wild Atlantic Way in the west to the culture and cuisine of the Ancient East; from the castles and forts of the historic north to the famed golden beaches of the beautiful south – and not forgetting the mighty craic and decent watering holes to be found everywhere in between! Humorous information about 50 key tourist attractions in Ireland, accompanied by photographs and illustrations. A light-hearted guide of Ireland for natives and visitors alike. Featured destinations include: - The Game of Thrones Tour - The Giant's Causeway Coastal Route - Kilmainham Gaol - Glasnevin Cemetery & Museum - Newgrange, Knowth and Dowth - Powerscourt House & Gardens - King John's Castle - Irish National Stud & Gardens - Yeats Country

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This book is dedicated to all those who are involved in helping to maintain Ireland’s unique scenic, cultural and historical heritage.

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Contents

Title PageDedication Fáilte romhat!1. Titanic Belfast, County Antrim2. The Game of Thrones Tour, County Antrim3. The Giant’s Causeway Coastal Route, County Antrim4. Loop Head Peninsula, County Clare5. The Burren, County Clare6. The Cliffs of Moher, County Clare7. Blarney Castle, County Cork8. Gougane Barra, County Cork9. The English Market, Cork10. Derry City Tour, County Derry/Londonderry11. Glenveagh National Park, County Donegal12. Slieve League, County Donegal13. The St Patrick’s Day Parade, Dublin14. The Dublin Coastline15. The Guinness Storehouse, Dublin16. Dublin’s Heart: Grafton Street, St Stephen’s Green, Georgian Dublin, The National Gallery17. Christ Church and St Patrick’s Cathedrals, Dublin18. Trinity College, Dublin19. O’Connell Street and the GPO, Dublin20. Kilmainham Gaol, Dublin21. Glasnevin Cemetery and Museum, Dublin22. Connemara National Park, County Galway23. Kylemore Abbey, County Galway24. Shop Street, Galway25. The Aran Islands, County Galway26. The Dingle Peninsula, County Kerry 527. Skellig Michael, County Kerry28. The Ring of Kerry, County Kerry29. Irish National Stud and Gardens, County Kildare30. Kilkenny City, County Kilkenny31. Leitrim’s Loughs and Glencar Waterfall, County Leitrim32. Adare, County Limerick33. King John’s Castle, Limerick34. The River Shannon35. Carlingford and Cooley Peninsula, County Louth36. The Great Western Greenway, County Mayo37. Cong, County Mayo38. Westport and Croagh Patrick, County Mayo39. Newgrange, County Meath40. Birr Castle, County Offaly41. Clonmacnoise, County Offaly42. The Arigna Mining Experience, County Roscommon43. Yeats Country, County Sligo44. The Rock of Cashel, County Tipperary45. Waterford and the Greenway, County Waterford46. Dunbrody Famine Ship, County Wexford47. Glendalough, County Wicklow48. Avondale House and Forest Park, County Wicklow49. Powerscourt House and Gardens, County Wicklow50. Wicklow Gaol, Wicklow These 50 sites are grouped in their counties, which are ordered alphabetically.A Feckin’ Tour of Ireland: Essential Irish SlangAbout the AuthorCopyright
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Fáilte romhat!

(That’s ‘welcome’ to yourself)

So you’ve arrived in Ireland to see the sights and enjoy the craic. And what better place to start your travels than between the pages of A Feckin’ Tour of Ireland: 50 Must-Do Things?

Unlike your normal dull-as-ditchwater travel guide, which will fill your head with cold facts and tedious travelogues, A Feckin’ Tour will enliven your voyage of discovery around the island of Ireland’s most famous sights with gansey-loads of Irish wit and blarney – and even enlighten you with more than a few words of deadly Irish slang (see page 255). Full of fascinating facts, amusing anecdotes, hilarious histories and colourful culture, A Feckin’ Tour is the perfect travelling companion with which to explore Ireland’s scenic, historic landscapes and towns, while putting a smile on your face even when the weather’s completely wojus!

So ‘Céad mile fáilte go hEireann!’ For those who don’t know, that means ‘One hundred thousand welcomes to Ireland!’ It’s pronounced Kade mee-lah fawl-che guh hair-in. Try saying that when you’ve had six pints of Guinness and a double Irish whiskey!

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Titanic Belfast at the birthplace of Titanic

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1. Titanic Belfast

You’ve seen the movies, you’ve read the books, you’ve watched the documentaries, now relive the whole shebang at the Titanic Belfast visitor attraction.

Now, one has to be honest, there is a question of taste to be considered here, as many people feel that there’s something unsettling about a glossy extravaganza with rides and computer-generated wizardry concerning one of the greatest maritime tragedies in history. Still, one could probably make the same argument about the many movies made over the decades. Of course you’re on your holliers and you don’t want to hear any of that bad taste stuff, so let’s bury our collective heads in the sea bed and go full steam ahead towards the iceberg.

All aboard!

First off, the imposing building itself is marvellous, the design based on the hull of the famed ship, though hopefully it’s made of sterner stuff.

Within you’ll find nine different galleries covering various aspects of Titanic, from its building to its rediscovery at the bottom of the Atlantic, and all the wet bits in between. The first two galleries give the background to Belfast at the start of the century and its shipbuilding industry, conveniently ignoring the widespread anti-Catholic sectarianism that existed at the time, which was particularly prevalent 10in Harland & Wolff. Then there’s the Launch gallery, which overlooks the ginormous slipway from which Titanic was launched. In subsequent galleries you can discover all about the fit-out, and the vast differences between the toffs’ and plebs’ experience, the initial voyages from Belfast to Southampton to Cherbourg to Cobh in County Cork, during which Irish priest, Fr Francis Browne, photographed many of the unfortunates on board. The Sinking gallery tells the story of the tragedy to the sound of Morse Code and real survivors recounting their memories and is very touching. Then there’s the Aftermath, the Myths & Legends and finally Titanic as it is today, with interesting footage from its watery grave.

11Overall it’s an interesting experience. But this is not a museum as such, and there are no actual Titanic artefacts on display. The owners say this is for ethical reasons. Hmmm. Actual artefacts would have real historical and emotional resonances it seems, whereas high-tech gadgetry seems to make it more like a themed ride. But there you go. Make up your own mind. Anyway, it’s definitely worth a visit, if only to see the building itself. Oh and by the way, book in advance or you’ll end up having to hang around for a couple of hours.

But on the theme of questionable taste, we can get as questionable as the best of ’em! Which is why we’d like to end with this joke:

What do you get if you cross the Atlantic Ocean with Titanic? About half way.

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The Dark Hedges, County Antrim

2. The Game of Thrones Tour

The thing is, if you’re a fan of the hit HBO show, Northern Ireland is the place to be, as about seventy per cent of the epic fantasy is shot here. Of course if you’re not a fan, then terms like Renly Baratheon, Aerys II Targaryen and 13Quellon Greyjoy will hold all the attraction for you of being locked into a room with an insurance salesman.

But as the series had hundreds of millions of fans, we’ll work on the principle that you have some interest, or at least that your holiday companion is going to drag you along to the locations whether you feckin’ like it or not!

The first thing to know is that there are more official tours on offer than there are nudie scenes in the series, which is an awful lot. The tours are mostly by bus, but also by taxi, bike and boat! A lot of them start and end in Belfast, but some also depart from Dublin and Derry (the boat tour starts in Strangford, about 30 km south of Belfast). Any tourist office or hotel lobby in Northern Ireland will have leaflets on myriad options, some of which involve you dressing up in wacky Game of Thrones costumes and waving swords and hatchets like a big eejit.

Among the locations you can visit are:

Magheramore Quarry, 20 km north of Belfast, which, with the help of computer-generated imagery (CGI), doubles as The Wall and the entrance to Castle Black.

Cairncastle, a further 10 km north, was where it all began with the nice beheading of a deserter. The actual castle in the series was also a CGI creation, but you can still walk to the pretty glen along the Ulster Way (joining the trail in the Cairncastle car park) and stand beneath the cliffs imagining the deserter’s blood squirting from his headless body, or whatever you’re into. 14

To the west you’ll see Slemish Mountain. Previously famed as the place where St Patrick was enslaved as a youth, the grassy valley beneath it more recently provided the location of a Dothraki camp early in the series.

The beautiful Cushendun Caves, further to the north, acted the part of The Stormlands, and where Melisandre gives birth to the shadow assassin. We assume this is all making sense to you?

Follow the northern coast until you reach Ballintoy Harbour, otherwise known to GOT experts as Pyke and Iron Islands.

Just down the road is Larrybane Quarry, where Brienne bested Ser Loras, just so you know.

Twenty km further west, Downhill Strand is a beautiful beach overlooked by the non-fictional Mussenden Temple, but plays the part of Dragonstone Island and Castle, and is the place frequented by Stannis Baratheon and his often birthday-suited pal Melisandre.

One of the most famous locations of all is The King’s Road, or in real life the Dark Hedges, which is an eighteenth-century avenue of beech trees. It’s about a twenty-minute drive south of Ballintoy Harbour and it was where Arya escaped from King’s Landing after her Da had the bad luck to be beheaded.

West of Belfast you’ll find Shane’s Castle on the shores of Lough Neagh, which has had multiple roles as Winterfell, Castle Black, The Land of Always Winter and The 15Wildlings Site, and the arched bridge was where Brienne of Tarth and the KingSlayer tried to disembowel each other in a swordfight.

South of Belfast in County Down you’ll discover Castle Ward, location of Winterfell, the Stark family’s gaff in season one. Nearby is Audley’s Castle, which pretended to be where King Robert Baratheon arrived at Winterfell, was the backdrop of Robb’s Camp and where Alton Lannister is imprisoned with Jaime. Still with us?

To the west the ruin of Inch Abbey is the location for House Frey’s stronghold ‘The Twins’, protecting the Riverlands, and further west again Tollymore Forest Park is known to GOT enthusiasts as the Haunted Forest, and basically every other forest scene was shot here.

So there you go. Hop on the bus, the bike or the car and immerse yourself in an imaginary world of people being gutted with an axe, burned alive by a dragon or having orgies while bathing in pig’s blood. All good family entertainment!

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Basalt columns at The Giant’s Causeway, County Antrim

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3. The Giant’s Causeway Coastal Route

This is a crackin’ 200-km scenic drive from Belfast to Derry that’s packed with sights scenic, historic and alcohol!

Follow the A2 and just north of Belfast you’ll come to the pleasant seaside town of Carrickfergus and its waterfront castle, which as yet has not featured in Game of Thrones, but give it time. It’s still in almost perfect nick despite having been built in the twelfth century. Incidentally this route takes in some of the Game of Thrones locations previously mentioned, such as Cairncastle, the Cushendun Caves and Ballintoy, so we won’t repeat these at the risk of boring you.

Further up the coast between Glenarm and Cushendun you’ll encounter the beautiful scenic drive past the nine Glens of Antrim. Wander from the coast if you can, and explore the gorgeous glens, and if you’re not too lazy, take some of the lovely waymarked walking trails.

From Cushendun follow the Torr Road out to the magnificent Torr Head, which affords views 18of bonnie Scotland on a clear day. After the town of Ballycastle follow the coast to Carrick A Rede, and its famous rope bridge, originally built for fishermen to cross to the tiny, but beautiful island – cross it on a windy day and pretend you’re Indiana Jones.

A short drive further west you come to the crème de la crème of the drive – the Giant’s Causeway. It’s worthy of a lengthier bit…

The Giant’s Causeway

At first glance you might think the Giant’s Causeway was the work of thousands of sculptors chiselling skilfully away for centuries. You see, it’s hard to believe that you’re looking at a natural phenomenon. But sure enough, this amazing UNESCO World Heritage Site is the result of volcanic activity. It’s made up of roughly forty thousand interlocking, hexagonal basalt columns, some twelve metres high, sitting on a jagged promontory that runs from steep cliffs and vanishes beneath the waves. You can even clamber about on the columns, although one wonders how much longer that’ll be allowed.

Tall tale

So where does the Giant’s Causeway get its name? According to Irish mythology, the giant, Finn MacCool (and no, that’s not the name of a McDonald’s ice-cream) was always at loggerheads with the Scottish giant Benandonner. 19When the Scot challenged him to a duel one fine day, Finn fashioned thousands of hexagonal columns to fit neatly together and built a causeway from Ireland to Scotland so the pair could meet and kick the bejaysus out of each other. But Finn was so tired afterwards that he fell asleep. Before long, Finn’s wife heard the thunderous footsteps of Benandonner approaching, so the quick-witted cailín grabbed the baby’s bonnet and blanket and put them on her husband. When Benandonner started roaring for Finn to fight him, Finn’s wife told him to shush or he’d wake the baby. Benandonner took one look at what he thought was Finn’s baby, decided that if his baby was that big then Finn must be the giant of all giants, turned and legged it, destroying the causeway behind him so that Finn couldn’t follow. Sounds totally plausible to us.

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The geology bit

About sixty million years ago, there was an awful lot of volcanic activity around Antrim and a lava plateau formed, which then cooled and began to contract and fracture, the same way dried mud does. When cooling rates are uniformly distributed, lava fractures evenly, leading to tall, mostly hexagonal columns. But really, isn’t the Finn Mac Cool explanation much better craic?

Best foot forward

If you get the weather and you fancy taking in the sights and sounds of the Giant’s Causeway on foot, there are a number of walks in the area. You’ll find information on walking routes in the Visitor Centre or online, and many of them follow the cliff top, which if you’ve the time, you really should do, as the views are decidedly splendiferous.

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Visitor Centre

This was designed to reflect the natural architecture of the Causeway and it’s an interesting building with lots of exhibits within about the geology of the area, and you have to pay a fee to enter, even if you’re using only the restaurant or gift shop. The Giant’s Causeway itself is free, so you need to pay for a ticket only if you want to get the bus. If you choose to walk, you should pay nada, nil, nought, zip. However, you will have to pay for the car park separately. What a rip-off! But don’t let the gobshites deter you. Because although The Giant’s Causeway is not enormous, it is beautiful and a truly natural wonder that shouldn’t be missed.

Last but not least of our highlights of our coastal drive, and just a short drive to the south of the Causeway is the Bushmills Distillery. The Scots claim to have invented whiskey, but let’s scotch that once and for all (ha ha). Bushmills is the oldest licensed distillery on the planet, having been granted a licence to distil in 1608 by King James I. So stick that up yer kilt! There are regular, fascinating tours of the old distillery and you’ll get to sample a few nips of our famously smooth Irish whiskey. Not to be missed. Just don’t drive anywhere afterwards!

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Loop Head Lighthouse, County Clare

4. Loop Head Peninsula

Here’s a perfect opportunity for an enthralling and appropriately looped drive of about 50 km. You could probably do it in a couple of hours – but where’s the fun in that? Alternatively you could spend a couple of weeks here, 23not to mention years, for that matter!

Let’s kick off at the pretty seaside town of Kilkee, with its gorgeous horseshoe-shaped Blue Flag beach. There are stunning cliff-top walks just to the west of town, long ones for the energetic, short ones for the lazy sod! Charlotte Brontë honeymooned here and the great poet Tennyson was a frequent visitor, so it’s obviously an inspiring little hamlet. There’s also a statue of Richard Harris (unveiled by Russell Crowe in 2006) depicting him playing racquet-ball – the actor won a competition four times in a row in Kilkee, where he spent most of his youthful summer holidays.

Take the R487 and then the R488 to Carrigaholt, about 10 km away. This sleepy fishing village sits on the north of the Shannon Estuary, which is a favourite spot for all types 24of bird and sea life. Here’s your chance to do a little dolphin-watching – there are daily trips from the pier to view the colony of over two hundred of Flipper’s cousins. The village also boasts the ruin of a fifteenth-century castle, and a small beach.

Take the L2002 west, which hugs the coast for a while, but watch for the fork after about 5 km – there’s a stone marker telling you you’re in Kilclogher – and take the road to the left, which will return you to some great scenic views of the rocky coastline. This will eventually lead you to Kilbaha, a tiny village where you have the opportunity for some refreshments in the local hostelry.

Continue on the R487 out to Loop Head itself, where you’ll find a nineteenth-century lighthouse that you can visit. There’s been a lighthouse of some form here for centuries – it originally, consisted of a coal burning brazier on a platform on the roof of the keeper’s home and you can still see part of the old cottage nearby. But really you’re here for the scenic views, which may be had aplenty in the short looped walk around the lighthouse.

Drive (or cycle) back along the R487 until you see the 25coast road to the left (L2000) and watch for a brown sign for The Bridges of Ross. These were a trio of amazing sea arches – until two of the feckers collapsed, yet the plural version of the name persists. But the rugged coastline is still worth a visit even if all three were banjaxed.

Rejoin the R487 a bit further on, but take a left after about 2 km – basically try to hug the northern coast of the peninsula. The coastal route is a joy, and you’ll see a couple of sea stacks, including Oileán an Fhéaráin, which is a protected natural heritage island, and Bishop’s Island, which was joined to the mainland about a thousand years ago and still has the ruins of a church and a beehive hut. Hope the monks weren’t stuck out there when the bridge collapsed.

And soon after, you’ll be back in Kilkee for a lovely fresh seafood dinner and a couple of pints in one of the town’s many welcoming pubs!

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