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Who am I? My relationship with myself answered that question. Self awareness on an intimate level helped me find unconditional love. I had to first develop a closer relationship with myself. This personal experience helped me to stop judging and criticizing myself, therefore I stopped doing it to others. My relationships began to improve with others, even if I did not like the person. I realized that my personal relationship with myself affected others and created my reality. Am I gentle, ashamed, or merciful towards myself, am I overly critical of myself, or do I hide my true feelings from myself? I used to be unconscious of how I really felt about myself. I had to accept everything about me, positive and negative, even my past mistakes, love all of me even when I was broke. I believe a good relationship with ourselves is equivalent to a personal relationship with God, the higher self, and the universe within. This allowed me to trust myself. A healthy relationship with ourselves can only be possible through self-reflection, looking inwards into our darkness. Unconditional love changed my perception of myself, and that everyone matters regardless of my personal feelings. We are who we are. This way we can love others as they are, this does not mean we have to like them. My relationship with my wife was still not perfect, I don't believe that there is such a situation, I am still learning and growing. I believe that external relationships are a direct reflection of who we are internally. Intimacy which is (into me I seek). Breakups can be one of the toughest things to overcome when we do not learn why it had to end. The stability of a relationship begins in infancy, psychological anguish is the reason why most of my relationships fail. I became aware of spirit within, I started to see my old perception of myself unfold in front of my eyes. I then saw how my strengths and weaknesses due to insecurities affected my relationships with others. I noticed
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Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2019
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A Guide to Into Me I SeeK
Multiversal Intimacy
BookRix GmbH & Co. KG81371 MunichAbout Me and Contact
Email: [email protected]
Blog https://malachimuccmin8.wixsite.com/selfhelp
Youtube Channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBAv_nrZHiEGNnV8RmpG-xw
My writings are a collection of my thoughts based on my spiritual journey going inwards. This is my point of view, maybe from a narcissist’s point of view, a lone wolf or perhaps a unique conscious mind. Yet...I don't have all of the answers because the truth is our own. I wanted to become self aware, knowing myself on an intimate level.
I was dealing with immigration issues so I ended up homeless in 2011. I spent 5 years homeless in Florida with my wife and child. I forced myself to keep doing yoga, tia chi, Wing Chun, reiki healing, chakra healing and later Kundalini yoga to make sure that I stayed Conscious, Aware and Grounded during hard times. I knew that if I let my homeless experience get to me, I probably would have died, fell back to sleep or lost my higher awareness.
I now realized that All I wanted was a closer relationship with God. As I began to study myself going inwards, I realized that worry, holding on to my past and attempting to control things were affecting my behavior. I then realized that everything that happened in my past human experiences was supposed to happen, for learning about my behavior so that I could forgive myself and others to evolve in Love.
By letting go I began to recognize the voice of my soul, vs. my sporadic ego, combined with my scattered mind. I also began to see and slowly understand the universe within while growing in divine love. Working on my Chakras helped me experience Self Knowing and a Spiritual Awakening. Accepting that I am a narcissist helped me forgive myself. The attempt to change my personality profile to feel perfect was my worst mistake.
I later realized that I am no different than or exclusive to others, I once thought that I was special. I was the average guy living my life based on what I learned from the outside. I went to public school; I skipped some classes in high school, I only enjoyed writing. I felt like the school system was a boring temporary prison, the program felt to fixed for my taste, just not enough personal depth. I would imagine a good great day at school is when we have a few Harry Potter classes lol.
I felt like a lost person with no direction because the school didn’t have spiritual or knowledge of self classes. I lived my life going through motions, avoiding my true feelings because I was trying to be perfect. I was numbing myself, acting out of thoughts then emotions instead of feeling then emotions. I admit that I was not being aware of my spirit, and my psychology. I never thought that I was going to do anything exceptional either.
My spiritual journey for me is looking inwards for answers to solve my personal problems. This awakening allowed me to see what was happening in my psyche, then seeing the correspondence in my experiences within my created reality. How my past was always shaping my future, I had to rewire my entire mind to be in control of myself again. I have been fighting with abandonment issues for years. My journey within put me through many healing experiences with my chakras, such as working with sound and colors and intense visualization. I did a lot of crying as I let go of my past and let go of false pride.
I was a black sheep of my family, but thankfully working on healing allowed me to forgive myself and others so that I would be left with no anger or regrets. No one is a black sheep, we must learn to validate our own selves. I was solely aiming for self-liberation so that I could concentrate on what I wanted to do with my life. My past experiences left me with regrets, guilt shame and grief. I was in hell now to think of it. I don’t know how I manage to survive my chaotic life, my spiritual retreat within turned things around for me in early 2011.
My birth name was Abdul Mumin Muhammad, well until I got married. Long story short I was born in Trinidad, It's an island located in the Caribbean. As a child I remember playing by myself, it was fun because I liked playing with nature.
As a child, I chased bugs and caught frogs and various nature like activities. I see now why I still love nature, this is where I spend my solitude. I do remember a few associates that I played with from time to time. I only remember one close friend, but he moved away. As you can see I was a loner, I did not fit in school. I learned that I was never supposed to fit in, fit into what? Seeking approval is an illusion; I stopped caring about being liked and the insecure need for attention and approval. Through my journey within I had to work on my self-esteem and confidence. This was my only way to experience God within.
I remember my father playing with me outside, he would even put me on his motorbike. We drove through the bushes, we used to eat sugar canes, and he showed me a lot of cool island tricks. According to my knowledge at a younger age, my mother was a housewife; she stayed home-cooked and kept the house clean, I guess this was pretty normal for the Muslim islanders. But I am not sure.
All I remember was her watching soap opera while she was cooking; this was pretty much every day. I moved to the US around 6 years old, I lived in NY and then moved to D.C. I traveled and moved a lot between NY and D.C. I also remember living in New Jersey, Baltimore, and Philly for a little while. Traveling too much as a child is where my reason for my insecurities.
Focusing on healing from spiritual means put me back to my origins, the person who I was born to be. After this experience, I never looked back. Who said that the past was important, it’s only useful to learn lessons so that we keep moving forward. Peace, and bless you all.
Email: [email protected]
Blog https://malachimuccmin8.wixsite.com/selfhelp
Youtube Channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBAv_nrZHiEGNnV8RmpG-xw
