Daughters of Empire E-Book

Lakshmi Persaud

• Herausgeber: Peepal Tree Press
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Seitenzahl: 620

Beschreibung

Daughters of Empire is a sweeping family saga bound by the themes of family, migration and culture clash. At its heart is a tale of two sisters: Ishani, who stays in Trinidad with the family business, and Amira who emigrates to England. Ishani is a richly comic creation: a good-hearted manipulator determined to keep a grasp on her younger sister across the seas. Soul-searching Amira, however, wonders how she will raise three daughters away from home, and how a traditional Hindu upbringing will clash with the seductions of British individualism. And as she soon discovers, daughters of empire – even those with the very best educations – may never quite fit in, especially with those who see only colour. "Powerful and poetic" – Time Out. Lakshmi Persaud was born in 1939 in Trinidad. She studied at Queen's University, Belfast, and later at Reading University. She has lived mainly in the UK since the 1970s. Her novels are Butterfly in the Wind (Peepal Tree, 1990), Sastra (Peepal Tree, 1993), For the Love of My Name (Peepal Tree, 2000) and Raise the Lanterns High (2004).

Leseprobe

DAUGHTERS OF EMPIRE

LAKSHMI PERSAUD

First published in Great Britain in 2012This ebook edition published 2020

Peepal Tree Press Ltd17 King's AvenueLeeds LS6 1QSEngland

Copyright © 2012, 2020 Laksmi Persaud

ISBN    9781845231873(Print)

ISBN    9781845234928(Epub)

ISBN    9781845234935(Mobi)

All rights reservedNo part of this publication may bereproduced or transmitted in any formwithout permission

In loving memory ofIndra Seeterram,who enhanced the lives of those she met.

And forMaharanee Persaudwho brings light to the dark

PART ONE

BEGINNINGS

1

AUTUMN’S ARIA

London 1970s

How I wish I’d been here, Amira is thinking as she and their three young daughters wait for Santosh to open the door. If only I did not have to leave him to choose. She is dreading going in.

The young family stands before the white front door of Number 14 Apple Grove, Mill Hill. Close by, four pairs of eyes are observing them.

Ishani’s warnings are tugging at her: Santosh knows nothing about houses, except that a house is where he expects to find a warm meal and a comfortable bed. It can’t be helped, I know, having him choose, so brace yourself for anything. Her sister, older by several years, and with an eye for business matters, had, as far back as Amira could remember, perceived things accurately more often than most.

Five foot eight, neatly suited, with a full crop of hair that dances with the slightest breeze, Santosh is only too aware of what he refers to as his wife’s foibles – regarding what makes a house suitable for a family.

The moment has come; they are before his choice. He senses Amira’s mounting tension and the expectation of his eldest daughter, Anjali, just ten. Tall and slender, she carries herself well; two long ponytails in sea-blue ribbons brush her shoulders. Too thoughtful for one so young, he thinks. He winks like a clown, bringing a smile to her face, before inserting the key with a conjuror’s panache. He says, ‘Cheer up, Amira; I know you’ll be pleased. Didn’t I tell you I read your list of requirements to the house?’

The two younger girls are nudging the door to open with steely determination; their backs and shoulders have become levers.

‘I cannot explain why, Amira,’ Santosh says, ‘there was a studied silence when it heard your list.’

Perhaps the house, she muses, was too proud to answer in the negative, convinced no building that did not meet her stipulation deserved to be called a house. Instead, she replies, ‘Houses take a long time to respond.’

‘Whatever the reason, Amira, the windows and doors rattled in affirmation and sunshine burst in. “Thank you,” I heard myself say.’

She knows this is his way of explaining that he had tried his best to please her, that what is before her was the pick of the bunch. Even so her shoulders stiffen. Why oh why couldn’t she just relax? She had to make the most of what she found. What had she gained from worrying throughout the long plane journey? She’d remembered too late what her father had once taught her at the seaside, when she was small and trusting. He’d told her to jump high, so she wouldn’t be swallowed up by huge waves. And when they’d come, she’d been buoyed up, then gently dropped. She’d felt so grown up, exhilarated that her timing was perfect. Be sensible, Amira; he’ll have done his best. Just tell him how pleased you are, and do your utmost to ensure our living here is a success.

The contours of her face soften. ‘Shhhh Santosh, don’t let the neighbours hear. What will they think, you speaking to a house?’

‘Turn the key, Daddy! Open up please, Daddy!’ Satisha and Vidya cry, their feet impatient for the chase. At almost six, and more than two, they are keen explorers of the unfamiliar.

All this while, they were watched from behind white net curtains. Here was something strange. Mill Hill, though in London NW7, was still just a small town. It was named after the old mill which stands to this day on the Ridgeway. Even devoid of a top half and its sails, the Mill’s rotund remains still upheld its identity. The twentieth century had crept slowly on Mill Hill, drifting from its upper terraces to the foot of the Ridgeway, onto grassy plains, interspersed by woodland, farms and country lanes. Cottages were giving way to detached and semi-detached houses constructed along former lanes. Tracks traced by cart wheels and the hooves of horses and cows had become smooth, paved roads connecting Hendon to the north and Edgware to the south.

The residents of Mill Hill, like the generations before them, were content with themselves and the slow pace of change. Even by the 1960s, Mill Hill was such a tranquil, unruffled place that to call it a town was exaggerating in its favour; but it had a railway station, bus stops, a post office, a medical surgery, two banks, a barber’s, a hairdresser’s, a Woolworths, a Boots the Chemist, a WH Smiths, a Budgens, a butcher’s shop, a fishmonger’s and greengrocer’s all in one – with little to tempt an enterprising cook. There was a police station; few seemed to notice it.

New arrivals were virtually unknown; those watchful eyes saw complexions that did not belong, arriving not only in their green and pleasant land, but coming to live just opposite them. World War II had taught Londoners that the world would be a safer place if foreigners remained in their homes, not marching into other countries in heavy boots. Let us be! would have been the motto on any flag raised on the rooftops of Apple Grove.

Amira stepped cautiously over the threshold; her eyes caught the curved arch, quietly gracious above the entrance to the hall. She was surprised to see such circular elegance repeated on the landing. Soft flowing lines conveyed agreeable good taste; the house was built at the beginning of the century to accommodate the aspirations and pockets of southern England’s growing middle class. It was rumoured that in those bygone days, these detached houses in Apple Grove were sold for not much over one thousand pounds, with the builders making a decent profit; now they were being sold for more than twenty-five times that sum.

Amira caressed the wall with open palms, giving thanks to the house, to the builders, the architect, to Santosh for choosing it. What little faith Ishani had shown!

She prepared a highly polished brass thali with incense. It looked too bare, but standing in front of the picture window in the kitchen, a solitary rose in the abandoned garden caught her eye. She picked it, held it close, inhaling, but the overpowering, crimson perfume of tropical roses was not there. Memory brought the intense floral fragrances from Tunapuna’s shivala, flowing out into the night on Shivratree, filling the open courtyard, enveloping all.

The camphor alight, holding the thali in both hands, Amira slowly traced the edges of each room, leaving wafts of incense behind. When she entered the last room upstairs, she closed the door and there in its bare stillness, with the flickering camphor, addressed the spirit of the house, seeking its permission, as her mother would have done, for her family to share its shelter, promising to keep this place of work, of thought, of rest, of delights, clean and in good repair. Here, in their new home, there would be learning, discovering and embracing only what was good. She could not bring herself to consider life’s shadows: sadness, depression, frustration, loneliness and not belonging. Here she made her prayerful request:

‘Bring us light and warmth when we are in need. Stand strong when primeval forces threaten, and keep us safe. Our family thanks you for enduring the piercing winter cold, the sun’s rays that crack the earth, the howling westerly winds from oceans far. Your sweet wood frames each door and window and welcomes us. We thank you. You who are older than we are, you who have heard, seen, felt much, we ask that you look upon us gently, let your energies and wisdom embrace us.’ She bowed, a whispering wind to the unknown, perhaps the unknowable.

Meanwhile, at Number 15, Edward Cohen left the window and turned to Mrs Cohen, ‘This is the last thing we need – strong curry smells and what have you driving us out in no time. Sitting in our garden will become intolerable, with their fumes seeping over the garden fence. How do we protect ourselves from that, Janna?’

‘Let’s wait and see,’ soothed Janna Cohen. ‘They won’t be having curries every day, dear, will they? That would be tedious, don’t you think? They aren’t in foreign clothes, Edward, that’s something. I wonder what language they speak.’

‘They come here without English, expecting us to learn their languages, Janna. Such are the times, dear.’

Janna hoped Edward’s misgivings wouldn’t materialise. The woman and her children were not wearing long costumes, yet they were Asians of some kind. What did that signify? They were not covering their heads either… Maybe they belonged to a sect that had branched out – like the Methodists. Thank goodness they were not wearing those long black gowns and faces masked. Now, that really would stir the coffee mornings. She wouldn’t be comfortable walking home at night with someone behind her all in black. The men didn’t wear black, nor hide themselves in that way. What did it all mean?

She tried to disengage herself from Edward’s apprehension, for he tired her with his bleak outlook on things. Nevertheless, reading about foreigners residing somewhere in the Midlands was one thing, having them in your street, right opposite you, was quite another. Oh the comforts of the familiar. She wondered what Alice and Nick were making of them.

Nick Reid, at Number 11, had been complaining for some time that he’d been slowing down. A primary school teacher, perhaps it was time to take early retirement, sell up and move to Devon.

‘Look dear,’ he said frowning, ‘with such people in the neighbourhood, we’ll soon be cluttered with vans loaded with goods of every description. What a mess! Apple Grove is not that sort of street. Look, Alice we have a peaceful, orderly place here… Apple Grove will change… but why should it? You know what will follow don’t you?’

‘What, dear?’

‘House prices tumbling! Just our luck, Alice. We’ve never had these sorts before, not here, not in Mill Hill. There are no jobs here… No cotton mills, no factories. What’s happening out there? Why are they coming to a small place like this with no one like themselves? Now that is worrying. Maybe there’s an overflow from Bradford or Leicester. We’ll be in a real pickle if they come here in droves. I heard in the staff room that in Leicester we’re already in the minority. Fancy that!’

‘What’s that, dear?’

‘A minority in our own land. Where are we heading, Alice? What will become of us? This is a quiet, English town. It’s been like this for as far back as you go. All this around us was once farm land. All those old apple orchards had made way for lawns. Now Apple Grove is an avenue of lime trees – well that’s change enough. Acres and acres of green… We want to keep it that way. What’s wrong with that? Why can’t the government see that? I wonder if they know there are no jobs here… Maybe you could explain to the wife, “No jobs here. No jobs at all.” Explain you’re thinking of their welfare… Except they may not understand English…’

‘It’s just one family, Nick. Will one make all that difference?’

‘You always hope for the best, Alice, but I know their little ways.’

‘What do you mean, Nick?’

‘Before you know where you are, these people will be buying up this street. They work in groups. From what one reads in the newspapers, Alice, we have long lost Southall to them, to their shops, their houses, temples and mosques, sounds and smells… This England, Alice, for which our lads fought so bravely in two world wars, is being taken over, before our very eyes, taken from us, Alice, while the government slumbers. We think differently even from our neighbours the French and the Dutch, and of course the Germans… Why can’t England remain England? We’re unique, Alice. You and I know this. But do they? We just want to be left alone to be ourselves. What is wrong with that? Look at our gates! Wide open, Alice. Anyone can just walk in.’

‘Don’t fret so, dear. You know it’s not good for your blood pressure. Let’s just wait and see. Fingers crossed. We might just be lucky Nick, who knows? They might not like it here and their family will not join them. A cuppa dear?’

Mr Reid’s troubled eyes pierced the walls of Number 14, but its foundations held firm; the men of England knew how to build.

The Vidhurs had bathed in history’s streams, and were inheritors of several sensibilities and ways of thinking. One was from the ancient culture of India that had attracted Columbus to venture forth, the other from the results of his mistake: the potent mixing of the cultures of Caribs and Arawaks; French, Spanish and Dutch colonisers; Africans brought as slaves to work on the sugar plantations, and the Chinese and the Indians who, like the Vidhurs’ foreparents, had been brought to work as indentured labourers to ensure the profitability of the West Indian sugar industry after emancipation.

There was the heritage of the language, literature and institutions of Britain – and the seductive modernity blowing in from their large, prosperous American neighbour.

Now, more than a hundred years after the journey their foreparents had made from Calcutta to the Caribbean, the Vidhurs were once again making a long journey: from Trinidad to Apple Grove. They, much more than their foreparents, were full of hope of fulfilling themselves, in search of something not fully articulated, yet felt and in that way understood: ‘a good life’.

It was to their inheritance that they looked for direction. It was their predisposition to reflect on what should guide them. Amira grasped the extent to which these new circumstances would bring her daily challenges. She was moving away from the known, from the warmth of family and friendships and her much-loved job as a teacher, all of which had formed her identity. Leaving all behind had caused her anguish. How would she cope with the new, the knowns and unknowns?

Now, as she placed the thali on the window ledge, she caught sight of a face looking curiously at her from a mirror attached to the wall. At first, she did not see what it reflected – electric-clear, listening eyes, fine, silky, long hair held in a neat chignon, a face that beamed with thought, warmth and good will. What she saw was the dullness, the dust of the mirror; she circled it with her forefinger, noting it must be seen to.

The morning sunlight filled the sitting room, and the two side windows of coloured glass sang to her as if a choir of boys were behind them. Their vibrant primary colours would have lost much more of themselves had they not been sheltered from the bleaching summer sun by the shadow of Number 16, the house of Margaret and Jack Summers, but there remained enough depth of colour to attract Amira’s admiration. Were the designs meant to be tulips from Amsterdam or something more exotic from Istanbul? The very fact that ‘church windows’ – as she thought of them – could be found not only in grand establishments but in their modest house reminded her how far away they were from Trinidad.

Outside, the maple, beech, silver birch and lime trees were still clothed in green, with only hints of the yellow, orange, rust and reds to come. It would be a while yet before the Vidhurs saw them naked, vulnerable – leaves brought low, skating, cartwheeling with the wind.

2

MEETING THE HEADMISTRESS

The morning of her third day came too swiftly for Amira, who was trying to cope with the volatile shifts of temperature, the pavements hard on the soles of her shoes, and the task of discovering where everything was. There, looming before her, was her appointment with the headmistress of St Hilda’s school, Miss Williams. She prepared herself and her three daughters as best she could. This was not easy; much was in disarray. Anxiously hurrying from room to room, rummaging in boxes to find the clothes she needed, then ironing them, added to a feeling of inadequacy.

Without the home help she was used to in Trinidad, this domestic environment was new and challenging. Here it was all left to her. Santosh had said airily there was nothing to worry about and left for work.

She dressed the girls with modesty and decorum. All three wore neat dresses with sensible hemlines falling well below the knees – ‘little women’ of the Victorian age, she thought. Socks that had not lost their elasticity were eventually found. She hoped her own smart shoes with comfortable heels, her straight skirt, matching blouse and cardigan made the right impression.

Shoes had been polished the night before; now nails were examined, hair brushed, unruly strands patted into place, frocks pulled this way and that until their hemlines yielded symmetry. The girls were told to be on their very best behaviour, to be helpful to each other and not to speak when grown-ups were talking. Anjali understood what was at stake; waves of her mother’s anxiety had reached her. As first born, she’d been at the centre of her mother’s domestic world, absorbing her aspirations, her perceptions of things.

They were all sent to the bathroom, ‘just in case’. Vidya did not want ‘a just in case’; her mother insisted. Amira had a last quick check to ensure there were no shining spots on her face and that her hair was in place. She made an unsuccessful attempt to smile at the mirror.

St Hilda’s was a private school in a detached house about a seven-minute walk from Apple Grove, not far from Mill Hill Broadway. Amira had questioned Santosh about whether they could afford the school fees; she wanted to be sure that they would not be too financially stretched by this choice. He told her there was nothing to worry about. This meant nothing; it was his response to most things that concerned her. Later, he explained that if they’d had boys, he would have risked sending them to the local state school, but for his girls he wanted a smaller, better-regulated environment, one accountable to fee-paying parents.

As Amira approached the school, she began to think the unthinkable. Her empty stomach gurgled; her steps slowed. From the letter they had received, Santosh believed, as did she, that Anjali and Satisha had gained a place.

They were welcomed by a matronly looking woman who was evidently too busy for courteous niceties. She directed them to the office and told Amira to knock ‘Just the once and wait’, and demonstrated in dumbshow what she meant.

Facing them was the headmistress, Miss Williams – plump, not tall, a daunting ball of confidence behind a substantial oak desk, with glasses through which she gave Amira a penetrating stare. Anjali tried to squeeze out a smile and took Satisha’s hand to show she was a responsible sort. She noted that her mother held on firmly to Vidya, in case her sister’s curiosity, keenly felt as kittens at play, drew her to select her preferences from a partially opened bookcase.

‘I see you applied just six months ago. The children whom I’m enrolling this morning were on my waiting list for a minimum of three years, Mrs Vidhur. Am I pronouncing your name correctly?’

‘Yes, you are. You see, Miss Williams, I could not make an application to you before I was sure we would be living in Mill Hill. We wanted to live here, and close to your school too. We were lucky to find a detached house close by, in Apple Grove.’ Amira’s nervous smile appeared. ‘Some might apply to your school, on the off-chance that they’d be here; I did not want to do that. I didn’t think it was right or fair to you.’

‘Am I to understand you were not sure you’d be living in London?’

‘This is connected to my husband’s work. He was offered a fine job in the Caribbean, but as he has been promoted to his present position, we’ve decided to make London our home.’

‘I see. When are you likely to be returning to the Caribbean?’

‘We are making London our home.’

‘Very well. No doubt you are unaware of the predicament you have placed me in, Mrs Vidhur. Were I to take both girls, I would have to say no to others whose parents applied three years ago.’

‘I just could not have applied earlier, Miss Williams. I just couldn’t.’ Amira’s stomach fell into cold depths; she made one last plea: ‘My circumstances were quite different from those who applied three years ago, Miss Williams.’

‘Rules are rules, Mrs Vidhur. This country has got where it is because we keep to the rules.’

Her father’s voice comes over clearly. Take the hits but keep moving forward, my daughter, keep moving forward. And there was Santosh’s Keep your eyes on the ball, Amira.

She heard herself saying: ‘What is the purpose of rules, Miss Williams? In this particular instance, they are to ensure fair play. Fair play is what guides you.’

‘True, Mrs Vidhur.’

‘But these rules make an important assumption.’

‘Do they?’

Miss Williams took a deep breath, lifted her chest and shoulders, like a bulwark.

‘The assumption is that all the players know the rules and their circumstances are similar… My circumstance is entirely different from others’, Miss Williams. If… if… let’s say you’d been in my position, what then?’

‘On being told what the rules were, I would have to abide by them, Mrs Vidhur. It is the way things are done here.’ The erect, firm posture became more firm.

‘True. But would it have been fair to you? In some situations what is fair to everyone can only be administered with a measure of flexibility.’

‘Flexibility, Mrs Vidhur?’ Her disdain was quietly reined in, but its presence hovered from the ceiling. ‘That is a very slippery road to… to we know not where, Mrs Vidhur.’

‘This flexibility I am referring to, Miss Williams, is aware of the dangers you have correctly asserted, so it is rare, and practised only when the arbitrators are given the opportunity to have a larger understanding of the complexity before them.’

Miss Williams was taken aback. That was unexpected – what cricket fans would call a googly. She sensed something relenting within her, a reluctant feeling of admiration for this young woman challenging her on behalf of her daughters, but it held her only for an instant. She’d always used her experience to good advantage. In the past she had relied on common sense topped up by what she called informed intuition. Here was an unknown. She’d observed foreigners in the streets, but today, for the first time, one had entered her school and sat before her.

Amira’s fury grew. Miss Williams should have written explaining the rules. True she had not asked for them, but who did that? You were told them. Not knowing the law was no justification for breaking it, but these were just school rules, and if Miss Williams had thought to explain them, she would not be there.

Miss Williams offered a smile of unassailable authority; Amira felt she knew what was coming. Where to turn? She had not made alternative arrangements; what would she say to the children?

Anjali absorbed her mother’s wretchedness. She felt like rushing up and putting her arms around her. She, Anjali, would do well no matter which school she was sent to, in fact even if she got into no school at all, she would study hard and do well. Her father’s words come to her. This is nothing to worry about. Life is larger than it. Daddy was right. Life was larger than this school. Who wanted to come here anyway?

The words sat on her lips, bidding her to end her mother’s despair. But she could not do it; she had been trained to do her parents’ bidding. She bent her head, stared at the floor with an intensity meant to hold back tears. It brought the desired result. Anjali heard her mother’s voice, pleading, desperate. She wanted to stand up and say, ‘Excuse me, I do not like you, I do not wish to come here. You’re horrid to my mother.’ Instead she heard her mother speak again.

Amira wanted to say, You’re not being fair, you should have explained this to me in your letter when I applied. Why didn’t you? But she knew there was nothing to gain by this approach. Instead she asked: ‘What am I to do? Is there another school that you could recommend? Is it now too late for any school? St Hilda’s is the only school I applied to. I’m now aware I should have applied to others, but coming from far, not knowing this, has placed me and the girls in an impossible position. When we received your letter, we felt that the chances of Anjali and Satisha coming here were good. They are bright girls, attentive in class, very well behaved at all times, and would be a credit to your school. Just look at them, you must see how much they wish to be here. Are you unhappy with their school reports?’

Thus far Miss Williams had paid little attention to the reports; they were from schools of unknown standards. But now as she looked down the subject columns, she noted that the hand was good and the comments thoughtful, neither vague nor generalised. Silence pervaded the room.

Amira’s thoughts worked overtime: I must bring everything I have tothis, otherwise when I get home, I’ll be saying, if I had said this, or mentioned that, things might have been different. I have nothing to lose. I will inform Miss Williams that I have been treated most unfairly. Why did she ask me for an interview so close to the beginning of term, if the girls had not gained a place?Why? For God’s sake!

‘My husband and I will do our utmost to ensure our girls are a credit to your school, Miss Williams… I only wish I’d had some inkling of this, I only wish you’d explained your predicament. It would have been so helpful to know.’ There, it had come out, and no sooner had the words left her, than she was penitent. What had she done? Miss Williams’ fury was sure to come. She lifted her head, waiting to be dismissed.

The front door-bell rang loudly. Her time was up.

But Miss Williams’ thoughts were engaged with the open file before her. This was a decision that could not be revoked. Amira’s playing of her last desperate card had escaped her notice – and its tone too subdued to take her away from her concentration.

Satisha wondered what was happening; she looked to Anjali, seeking a clue. Anjali nodded and caressed her hand. Vidya indicated that she wanted to sit on her mother’s lap. Anjali took her. A pair of spectacled eyes focused upon them. Innocence and vulnerability – and a thoughtful, articulate mother. Could one lose in opting to take from a home with such a parent?

‘They were so looking forward to being at St Hilda’s. I brought them here and pointed to your school saying this was where they would be going.’

‘That was most unwise.’

‘I just could not have applied any earlier. I could not do it.’

‘You have made that clear on more than one occasion. I do understand. However, you were foolhardy to build up your own expectations when nothing was confirmed to you. That I consider to be verging on the irresponsible.’

‘There are times when one’s enthusiasm for having something special takes on a life of its own, Miss Williams. We learnt of your school in Trinidad; the very helpful first secretary at the British High Commission, Mrs Kelly, who knows the girls, recommended St Hilda’s, saying that their aspirations were in keeping with those of the school. I applied to no other.’

Simultaneously flattered and pricked, Miss Williams reflected that maybe someone not aware of the procedures might think that an interview was the entrance to acceptance. In practice it was mainly so. But applications were larger this year than ever before, indeed increasing each year. The task was impossible.

Sparring with parents was her forte; they wanted something from her and were generally prepared to acquiesce to what they perceived as her foibles. This woman sitting before her was not playing by the rules. Yet Miss Williams liked to think her decisions were not influenced by the extraneous.

She too had heard the door-bell; she must make a decision and move on. Something told her that her customary practices had been found wanting. But to be challenged on one’s home ground!

She shuffled about, breathed deeply, modulated her voice. ‘Having seen your girls, and noted their school reports, having heard your very particular circumstance, I have decided to have both girls. Of course, if anyone asks, you did apply three years ago. You do follow me?’

Amira did not follow fully, but certainly understood the decision. Her own teacher’s habit of being a good listener, of nodding sympathetically to parents disclosing discomforts, now appeared of its own accord and reassured Miss Williams.

There were changes in the air, Miss Williams thought. Her school would have to adjust to the times. If she stayed with her present criterion for admission, one hundred percent of the intake would come from one culture or religious group. Perhaps it was in the interests of all that other cultures should contribute to the ethos of the school. Even so, she would continue to be selective, to ensure that the new intake came only from the very best of families – but then, only such families were able to benefit from what the school had to offer.

Miss Williams handed her a sealed envelope. ‘What you need to know is there. Fees are paid in advance, school uniforms may be purchased locally here in the Broadway. It is all there. Any questions?’

‘As I said in my letter, I would very much like Vidya also to attend school here. She will be three next year; it would be good to have her application confirmed.’

‘I have noted it. Of course, her chances of being admitted will improve with the performance of her sisters.’

‘I wish to thank you, Miss Williams, for having Anjali and Satisha; they are well-behaved girls and keen to learn. You will have no trouble whatsoever with them.’

‘It is what we expect. A very good day to you, Mrs Vidhur.’

Miss Williams got up and shook Amira’s hand. ‘I shall keep Vidya in mind.’ Nothing resembling a smile escaped, but in her eyes a softness shone not visible before.

‘Thank you again, Miss Williams, you have been good to the girls.’

The headmistress nodded and rang the bell on her desk.

As they walked back home, Amira slowed her pace. ‘You were all so well behaved, and because of that, and your school reports, the headmistress will have you at her school. You’re the nicest girls Mummy knows. Nobody fidgeted. You all helped Mummy to concentrate. Now you’ll be going to a good school.’

‘When will that be?’ asked Satisha.

‘In a month’s time. Very soon,’ answered Anjali.

‘Soon soon,’ repeated Vidya.

‘Now let me say this – is everyone listening to Mummy? You all have to work very hard at school. We’re newcomers to this country. Newcomers always have to work many, many times harder than those already here. We’ve only ourselves; this is why you have to learn as much as you can to improve yourselves. It’s important to remember this, Anjali. You have only one self; make it a good self. Your mummy and your daddy you will always have. And whenever you think you’re walking alone, you will have us beside you – and your good self too. Do you see that, Anjali?’

‘Yes Mummy, I understand everything you say,’ and she started to cry.

‘What’s wrong Anjali? You’ll be going to a very good school.’

‘Miss Williams was not nice to you, Mummy. I don’t like her and I don’t want to go to her school. I know I have to but I wish I didn’t. I want to go to another school. I don’t even have to go to a school. I can learn at home.’ Amira hugs her and, as she caresses her daughter’s back, tears come to her too.

‘Headmistresses tend to behave as she did; this is her school and there’s only room for a few. She didn’t make herself clear in her letters to me but I tried not to say so. It would have made her angry and angry people are not generous people. I had to help her to see our position in a way that was favourable to us but also true. It is a difficult thing to do, to make others walk in your shoes. Do you understand?’

‘Yes Mummy.’ Anjali nodded, thinking, I hope I don’t grow up quickly because I cannot do the things Mummy does.

‘I understand too,’ insisted Satisha, her eyes affirming this assertion, while her open arms ask to be hugged too.

‘I too! I unstand too!’ shouted two-year-old Vidya, fearing that what she knew was being overlooked. She was also hugged and three heads were caressed in a blessing.

Amira had long been trying to offer her daughters the assurance that the world was full of wonder and beauty. This belief helped her to fight her corner, but it was not easy. Her eyes welled up but did not brim over. Disappointment had come close. Her breathing was still fast; her mind restless.

In Trinidad or Guyana she was at ease with herself. Arrived in London with her young family, facing Immigration, she was a stranger, someone to be questioned. Holding out Santosh’s letter of employment, complete with its letterhead from the Commonwealth Secretariat, with a letter from the Secretary General identifying who they were, she had waited as pages were turned, she and the girls looked over. She had brought her marriage certificate, though she did not intend to hand it over without asking why it was required. Then a smile, a nod of affirmation and the word ‘Next’ came from the voice before her. Next may be an ordinary word, but that day the meaning was large.

As they turned into Apple Grove, Amira thought, ‘Next a secondary school.’ She knew nothing about which were the better schools or even how to find out; yet within a year Anjali would be leaving St Hilda’s for a secondary school.

She wondered too whether it was already too late to apply, or whether she could possibly be lucky a second time. But this was for later. Now, before school term began, while Anjali was at home to help, she had to get as much done as possible in the house.

Tiredness descended abruptly but she made an effort to be cheerful for her daughters’ sakes. She knew they had seen her at her most vulnerable. Some things, Anjali saw, were hard and difficult; her younger sisters felt subdued in spirits, but didn’t know why.

‘Mummy will bake an apple crumble, topped with almond nuts, for the nicest three girls she knows. I wonder who they are.’

‘Me and Vidya and Anjali.’

‘Me too,’ Vidya shouted.

‘Shall we have dinner by candlelight and invite all the good fairies who helped us today?’

‘Yes, Mummy,’ said Satisha.

Vidya nodded her head and asked, ‘Fairies coming, Mummy?’

Anjali smiled.

‘Daddy said apple crumble with almond nuts is our second name. Is that true, Mummy?’ asked Satisha.

‘It’s a good second name,’ Amira replied.

That evening, the aroma of cinnamon, cloves and baked apple topped with almond nuts filled the kitchen; the candlelight flickered and the shadows seemed at play. Fairies? Who can tell?

3

ISHANI’S LETTER ARRIVES AT NUMBER 14

There was something about the spirit of the house that seemed to talk to Amira as she sat in the kitchen, coffee in hand, her thoughts moving from room to room like a walking shadow.

There was at least one thing about her new situation to be welcomed: her actions could no longer be analysed, shown up as mistaken by her so capable elder sister. Then a question came bouncing off the wall: ‘Was freedom without knowledge and understanding truly liberating?’ Misgivings stirred. Perhaps being alone during the day gave her too much space to think. She missed the bright, engaging youngsters of her classroom, who gave her no such luxury. She shouldn’t put off writing to her sister any longer.

Dear Ishani,

You’ll be relieved and delighted to know that Santosh found us a house that is comforting to be in. It has pleasant surprises in every corner. Just fancy this: under the stairs there’s a cupboard lit with an electric bulb, with shelves too. Such a use of this space, as you well know, has bypassed us at home.

At the bottom of the stairs is a built-in bench for the elderly to rest. Well this is what I thought was its use; you wouldn’t guess what it really is. It has a concealed deep recess for newspapers, books and magazines; cleverly camouflaged, a covert place. What a find!

The house is old but with central heating, there’s no need for bulky chimneys, so in the beautiful dining room where a coal fire once flickered stands a built-in cabinet with two sturdy wooden shelves; above it, along the cavity of the chimney, there’s a curved alcove spanned by two pieces of glass. I guess it’s a place to display pieces of pottery or ceramics. However, at present, it will display books and magazines – which are so much easier to come by – and my way of drawing Anjali’s attention to them. I do want to help them to develop beautiful minds – thoughtful, compassionate and knowledgeable.

And there’s a walk-in pantry off the kitchen with long sturdy wooden shelves spanning almost half the breadth of the house. I doubt you’d see that in newly built London apartments. The pantry is very cool, and you know why? Its window has no glass; instead, there is fine mesh – clever thinking that belongs to a time when home refrigerators were unknown.

You will be pleased to hear, Ishani, that I intend to make my own chilli sauces so this pantry built for jams and marmalade will be welcoming jars of an appetiser from another continent…

She broke off and hurried to the front door. There lay an envelope with Trinidadian stamps. Her sister’s bold hand hectored from the floor.

She scanned the first page, noting its big sister’s tone, expected in the past and often welcomed; today, it felt unnecessary. There were dos and don’ts regarding where to shop in London; streets to avoid where there were too many of ‘all sorts’; nourishing foods to cook for a British winter: …lentil dhal as a soup; spinach and carrots … and don’t forget, a blob of butter before serving will strengthen the stamina and ward off colds. Her girls should be wearing warm vests, and instructions were given about where to shop for them.

How is your handsome Guyanese husband? Still quiet as ever? He is an enigma. With us, what you see is what is there. Ravi says it is difficult to tell where he stands on anything. Mind you, he listens well, but as to what he is thinking, who knows? I guess you probably do, which means you’ve developed the skill of mind-reading, Amira.

How are you really managing on your own? Battling with three daughters, no family, no community. It can’t be easy. Rest and meditate, or it will take its toll. You must be at your wits’ end at times. I would certainly be. You’ve never had to run a house on your own, so don’t hesitate to let me know of any difficulties; it’s what big sisters are for. I won’t ask about the house, I shall spare you that. Don’t be too harsh on Santosh. A man’s brain is not like ours. It is something we have to learn to live with.

Amira placed the letter on her lap and smiled.

A scene returns: Her late mother and Ishani are in the sitting room of the family home. Her mother has explained to her that Guyana was, ‘behind God’s back. Everybody knows obeah is common there; you’ll be all alone with no family, so far from us. What if they don’t treat you well? Where would you go, Amira? What if he starts to misbehave? What will you do? If that sort of thing starts, you must come home at once. You should think over this move with plenty care, Amira. Your father and I are worried no end that you will be so far from us. It is affecting my sleep.

‘We have so many really nice young men here in Trinidad from good, good, families that we know; as a matter of fact, Amira, we have been approached by two very respectable families. Very pleasing young men, good education. Why choose from so far away? Give yourself time to think, Amira; it’s a big, big step. Ishani and I are so worried; you are going outside of what we know, people we do not know. Is this safe?’

‘But Pa said it was alright, Ma. Pa met the family and he said they were alright.’

‘I know he said that, but remember, the family is not as well to do as we are. That means, you’ll have to be very careful about everything – things for the house, for yourself. Everything, you will have to consider over and over again. That is taxing.’

‘What Ma is trying to say,’ Ishani interrupted, ‘is that this kind of daily calculation is hard going on the nerves. It will be very difficult for someone, especially from this fortunate house, to manage on an inadequate income. This is a house of plenty. A house of plenty effuses generosity, amiability, Amira.’

It had been so hard to fight on two fronts. She had turned to her mother, who looked forlorn in her old age, and could only guess what she was thinking but not expressing.

‘I’ll be working too, Ma. His father died when he was a young boy so that made a difference to the family. Santosh has made himself. That is some achievement, Ma.’

‘Self-made people tend to be tough,’ Ishani again stepped in. ‘They often lack a charitable approach to problems. Their mantra is: Pull yourself together; I managed huge difficulties, so why can’t you deal with this trifle? Such men are likely to scoff at more liberal, middle-class families like ours, with our flexible outlook. The self-made man is not a relaxed man, Amira. He’s oversensitive about his background, constantly searching for opportunities for betterment. Will step on anything and anyone to reach the top. Nothing is sacred before such determination. It’s exhausting just looking at him or hearing about his successes.’

‘You’re lucky, Amira,’ Ma said; ‘you’ve a father who is not well, yet flies over to Guyana to see for himself where you’ll be going and meet Santosh’s family. He spoke to their pundit, he made enquiries from the neighbours about the kind of people they were. Well, it was alright, he said. Your father did his best for you, Amira. But think about it; how much could he do in just a few days and what could he find out by just speaking to strangers, eh? People who don’t know him, don’t know if they could trust him, what can they tell him eh?’

She had heard their silences. Ma was also saying that she was Pa’s favourite, that he was too soft on her to stop her going along with this craziness, marrying someone who came from the outback where obeah was practised. Ma had even repeated this to Santosh when he flew over to meet them.

Santosh had offered his winning smile: ‘You’re right, Ma. It’s true. Obeah is practised in Guyana, but it isn’t good obeah. It does not do the job because it’s too weak. If you want to have strong obeah,’ he leant forward, lowering his voice, ‘the place to go is Suriname. Not many know this,’ he confided.

Ma’s face made it clear that obeah was not something she needed, had ever needed or was ever likely to need. But Santosh would not be deterred and continued with his gentle tease, his winning smile. Before he left, even her mother had smiled too, perhaps just out of courtesy. She had lived too long to be won over by charm, and from a young man who wanted the hand of her daughter. But she and Santosh had got married and a year later had moved to Trinidad, which pleased the family.

After her parents died, Santosh had left Trinidad to spend an academic year at Reading University where he completed his PhD and then joined the Commonwealth Secretariat. It was a job there that had brought them all to London.

She lifted the letter from her lap. Ishani’s voice rose:

In today’s world, Amira, where every man is busy flying his own kite, I don’t know where Santosh’s reserved approach will get him. Later, when the girls reach marriageable age, his restraint will simply not do. I’m alerting you in good time. I have seen far too many competent and capable young women left on the shelf because fathers were neglectful of their parental duties and mothers at home were cut off from the opportunity to act. Maybe I’m too hard on him; we’ll see. Before you blink, Anjali will be a teenager. Ensure she does not keep company with nut heads. Something happens to teenagers’ brains that makes even nut heads appear attractive to them. I see this daily in the department store. So please, Amira, keep an eye on the sort of friends they keep. Probe a bit; it is quite an art. I am pretty good at it. If you need me to question the girls at any time just wink. This is why you need to send them to me for their holidays.

Oh! I almost forgot. Avoid English cooking if you can help it. With your sophisticated palate it will disappoint. The scent of boiled cabbage and oily, soggy chips still comes to me when I think of 1950s England. They were far too busy running an empire to think of food. Now that you intend to make London your home, don’t be in awe of them. They like to give the impression that they are superhuman, but don’t fall for this. With an empire to run,keeping up appearances was vital. They had to play the part, and they did it well, so much so that even today there are many who still believe their make-believe. Yet we know that away from their cooler, ordered environment, their true Darwinian natures rose and they played other games, the outcomes of which are all around us!

The problem is that though they are no longer on a world stage, they are finding it difficult to change their posture, devise a new role for themselves, but given time they will. I admire their chameleon ability when circumstance demands. There is much that we should copy from them and from America too, but much of our own we should hold on to, tightly.

When you get to know them, you will find that they are as human as you and I, with foibles, vulnerabilities and strengths. They can laugh heartily, too – well, not all of them – and they are not much of a people for stirring desire. My three nieces should be quite safe from those stiff bits of cardboard wearing old suits with leather elbow patches I met at university.

You’ll find living in London a very different kettle of fish from being a student in that comfortable Protestant hall of residence in Northern Ireland. Actually I’m very fond of the English, you may have gathered. I have a sneaking feeling I may be a little like them myself.

Affectionately,

Your caring elder sister, Ishani.

P.S. Do send the girls to us. It’s important that they don’t lose their roots.

4

GETTING TO KNOW YOU

Amira was in the midst of sorting the jumble of half-opened boxes, piles of clothes on chairs, when the door-bell rang. A neighbour! She panicked, thinking, Oh dear! I have to invite her in; if I don’t, what will she think? But not even the sitting room was ready for visitors. Boxes everywhere. First impressions counted. Her mind went into overdrive. The girls had eaten the last of their favourite shortbread – the round ones, the rectangular ones were not half as nice – and for the life of her, she could not remember which box the best crockery was in.

She went to open the door, trying to appear calm, telling herself to smile. She so wanted to do the right thing. She worried that her caller might think people from the Third World lived in such confusion that it was no wonder their countries were too.

It was Janna Cohen from Number 15.

‘Just stopping by to say, welcome to Apple Grove. If I can be of help, you know where I am.’ Amira tried to smile, thanked her, then simply stood there not knowing what else to say. Only as her visitor was leaving did she manage to blurt out, ‘Oh I am Amira, Amira Vidhur.’ Janna Cohen turned around and offered a smile which Amira discovered meant, it’s alright, and she was gone.

The second time the bell rang, it was Alice Reid from Number 11. For a brief moment Amira thought of escaping, but how to do this did not come.

Afterwards she reflected that neither woman had expected to be asked in, but they were friendly gestures all the same. She couldn’t pinpoint how it was done – it was all in the body movements and facial expression – but was grateful for the thoughtfulness in not making the situation awkward for her.

She thought about how in her village, where families lived and died in the same house, there was no question about not inviting your neighbours in when they dropped by. They would be offered a seat, a rest from the heat and a glass of cold water before you got round to asking about their welfare. But she was a total stranger to these people.

Her relief over the visits led to such a soaring feeling that she thought she might have lifted off had there been a runway; instead, she wrote to Ishani.

What am I to make of this neighbourliness, Ishani? Isn’t it wonderful? We don’t call upon foreigners or strangers at home because there aren’t any. How would we handle such a situation? People talk of how reserved the English are, but here at Apple Grove it is not so. They didn’t have to come over. I am really touched. Mind you, when you consider what happens in other parts of England, my advice to immigrants is, choose where you live and live in the best possible neighbourhood your circumstance allows. What a warm welcome! What a friendly street!

She came down from this flourish of optimism to wonder how she would gather information about a secondary school for Anjali. Boxes were left unsorted; time was running out.

With the reassurance of her offer of help, Amira rang the door-bell of Number 15. Janna Cohen appeared.

‘Good morning.’

‘Good morning, is everything alright?’

Amira adjusted her face to a smile, realising she must have been showing her anxiety. She asked whether Janna could advise on the good secondary schools within reasonable reach, but Janna said she knew nothing about schools, and advised her to speak to Nick Reid who was a teacher.

At Number 11, Mr Reid answered the door. Amira was not expecting this and his somewhat intimidating presence unsteadied her.

‘Good morning, I’m Amira from Number 14.’ She pointed to her house and instantly felt foolish.

‘Oh yes. So what can I do for you?’

His position a few steps above her made her feel like a child before a headmaster.

‘I’m new here and I thought you might be able to help me with the names of good schools for girls.’

‘Well, I can’t say if they’re good or not, you’ll need to visit them. There’s Mill Hill County High School, Copthall also in Mill Hill. There’s Queen Elizabeth’s Girls and Henrietta Barnett – both some distance away.’

‘Thank you. Of these schools which ones are preferred by parents?’

‘I’ve already said, you’ll need to visit them. Schools are up one year down the other. I’m sorry I can’t help you further.’

‘Thank you, Mr Reid.’

He nodded and closed the door.

Whew! Difficult man! She sensed him reining in his displeasure at seeing her. She wouldn’t trouble him again. He must have known which schools were preferred by parents and simply did not wish to share this. But he had told her the names of schools and which were far away. It was a beginning.

Undeterred, she walked towards the Broadway. She would take the initiative, too much was at stake. Her father had often said, ‘Cast your net far and wide when you need help’, so she stopped and questioned several people, men and women, elderly and middle-aged.

‘Schools? Now let me see, it’s been such a long time since I was there… Neighbourhood schools, you said, is that right? There are a few schools around, you can tell from the uniforms, different you see. Ah yes! Copthall is one, and there’s another on the Ridgeway,’ and he pointed in the direction. ‘I’m sorry I can’t recall any more. There… ask that chappie.’

And she did.

‘In this country, if you have money, you can go to the best schools.’

‘Which ones are those?’

‘Do you have money?’

‘It depends on how expensive these schools are.’

‘Well there’s the Mill Hill school on the Ridgeway, but that’s for boys. That’s no good to you. I’m sorry my wife is not here, she would have been able to help. Don’t know much about girls’ schools you see.’ He smiled mischievously.

Then a slim, serious-looking woman who must have overheard them marched up and said, ‘So you’re looking for good schools. You mean, I take it, schools that will stretch your daughter?’

‘Yes.’

‘A middle-class obsession. Would you like to be stretched?’

‘Living stretches us all. Having to grow stretches us.’

‘Precisely. That’s enough stretching, don’t you think? Let the children be. No stretching please, no stretching. They’ll learn a great deal from their elders simply by listening and observing.’

An elderly gentleman advised: ‘You should teach them yourself if you can. A sheer waste of time most schools today. The youngsters leave school without any understanding of common courtesy, no manners at all. Can’t read. Don’t know how to put a decent sentence together. As for a decimal point, they think it is a full stop. You know what the problem is… It’s this softly, softly, progressive approach – daft, if you ask me. No punishment for not performing. Let’s all be happy, let’s all be winners – balderdash!’

‘Phone the borough of Barnet and ask them for a list of schools. Tell them you want to know which ones are comprehensive, and which ones are still grammar schools and go for the grammar schools. You’ll be on the right track. Good luck.’

‘Thank you.’

She had asked about half a dozen people. Despite the range of responses, she’d kept going. This surprised her. Then she wondered whether full-time domesticity had already started to affect her confidence.

A week or two later, a letter came from Ishani:

Simply delighted about the house. Sounds just right for you. Santosh will continue to surprise us all. Steady now, Amira, regarding your neighbours. You’ve long had a tendency to take people at face value. Those women do not mean what they say. Your neighbours are middle-class English people; coming to your front door and introducing themselves is what they believe they ought to do. It’s good manners. But please understand they do not expect you to be knocking at their door asking for help; it’s just a way of speaking, like ‘How are you?’ which you know does not express a concern for a stranger’s health or well-being. It’s not like here. Only last week I was held captive by dear Miss Fields in the store – by the way, she remembers you well and sends her warm regards. Unaware that she’d had an operation a month ago, I said, ‘You’re looking well, Grace.’ The store was busy; I was two assistants short and my patience did not require further challenges. She replied with the sweet slowness of molasses, ‘You think so, Ishani? You really think so? Well Ishani dear, only I know meh perils, what I went through on that operation table. You know what the surgeon saw when he opened me up? He told me he couldn’t believe it. The surgeon told me himself that left another day, just one more day mind you, you see me here, I would be a dead woman. I, Grace Fields, dead, just so, with nobody knowing why. Well, you see me here; have a good look. I’m a walking miracle…’ I shall spare you the full length of the drama.

But you’re in England and the style is somewhat different. Your English neighbours will love you dearly, Amira, if they see little of you and you conduct yourself in such a way that you make it possible for them to forget you’re close by.

This was not what Amira wanted to read. Suddenly she had the sensation she was drowning in a sea of difficulties and wished she’d said nothing to Ishani, the Wise One, the Knower ofall things. So she was a mere child, eh, taking things at face value? Arrogant as ever. Didn’t she know that nothing stands still? Time changes everything. Mountains crumble, sea beds become the Himalayas! People change too. Ishani’s England was not hers… maybe it was so, it might even be partly so in places now, but entirely so? Well, Apple Grove was different. Amira decided that she had written Ishani her last letter.

When she’d cooled down, she began to suspect that she was taking out her frustrations on her sister.