Do you know that Seren means Star in Welsh? E-Book

Louise Andergard

• Herausgeber: Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2023

Seitenzahl: 420

Beschreibung

Serena and Mark is not working out - he wants commitment but Serena always has one foot out the door. It's astonishing how fast she can run with so much baggage weighing her down, but it's the one way she knows to protect herself. Before Scotty, she never trusted anybody with her past. He's her closest confident and they tell each other everything. When Serena runs out on Mark for the last time, Scotty brings the wine and sympathy. Hollywood heartthrob Josh Bradley is a small-town boy from Wales who brings his own baggage wherever he goes - paparazzi. Everybody wants a piece of him. When betrayal shatters Serena's heart to pieces, he's the one who wants to glue it back together. Will the secrets of her past and present cast a shadow forever? Or can Josh shine enough light to give Serena new trust in a brighter future?

Leseprobe

To the woman who never stopped believing in me, who always thought I could accomplish this and who never failed to support me. I Love You

And to my mum and dad for the amount of support and love. Jag Älskar Er!

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Chapter 48

Chapter 49

Chapter 50

Chapter 51

Chapter 52

Chapter 53

Chapter 54

Chapter 55

Chapter 56

Chapter 57

Chapter 58

Chapter 59

Chapter 60

Chapter 61

Chapter 62

Chapter 63

Chapter 64

Chapter 65

Chapter 66

Chapter 67

Chapter 68

Chapter 69

Chapter 70

Chapter 71

Chapter 72

Chapter 73

Chapter 74

Chapter 75

Chapter 76

Chapter 77

Chapter 78

Chapter 79

Chapter 80

Chapter 81

Chapter 82

Chapter 83

Chapter 84

Chapter 85

Chapter 86

Chapter 87

Chapter 88

Chapter 89

Chapter 90

Chapter 91

Chapter 92

Chapter 93

Chapter 94

Chapter 95

Chapter 96

Chapter 97

Chapter 98

Chapter 99

Chapter 100

Chapter 101

Chapter 102

Chapter 103

Chapter 104

Chapter 105

Chapter 106

Chapter 107

Chapter 108

Chapter 109

Chapter 110

Chapter 111

Chapter 112

Chapter 113

Chapter 114

Chapter 115

Chapter 116

Chapter 117

Chapter 118

Chapter 119

Chapter 120

Chapter 121

Chapter 122

Chapter 123

Chapter 124

Chapter 125

Chapter 126

Chapter 127

Chapter 128

Chapter 129

Chapter 130

Chapter 131

Chapter 132

Chapter 133

Chapter 134

Chapter 135

Chapter 136

Chapter 137

Chapter 138

Chapter 139

Chapter 140

Chapter 141

Chapter 142

Chapter 143

Chapter 144

Chapter 145

Chapter 146

Chapter 147

Chapter 148

Chapter 1

Serena

Our last fight was playing over and over in my head. I couldn’t help but thinking it was bad this time.

Really bad.

I had run off, like I always did when the panic was too much to cope with.

I knew I had to start acting like a grown up and deal with the consequences of my actions, but I couldn’t just yet. I couldn’t look into his sad eyes, either, so I had left, like every time before.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair as I stood on the balcony looking out over the rooftops.

I saw my phone light up beside me, and Mark’s name flashed on the screen. I knew I should answer. Beg for forgiveness, say I would do better, say I would think of our future, and it would all go back to normal, like it always did. But still I just stood there, looking at the screen until it went dark again.

A few seconds later it lit up again. I glanced down, reading the first few words of a text, and my heart stopped. Serena, I think it’s over for real this time.

He only used my real name when it was serious, and it made me want to throw up. I opened the text and read it over and over.

Serena, I think it’s over for real this time. We can’t keep doing this. We’re toxic and I can’t see a way out. I’ll pack your things and send them to you. I hope your life will be less miserable without me and I know my life will be less messy without us in it. Take care, Betty. Xx

That was it, four years of our lives concluded in five sentences.

I tried to decide whether I was heartbroken, actually slightly relieved, or if I was just completely terrified that he had made that decision for us. Maybe it was a little of all of those things.

I kept waiting for my heart to break . . . but nothing. Only emptiness.

What was wrong with me? Why didn’t I care? Why didn’t I want to fight?

I knew it was pointless asking those questions because I already knew the answers. I just wished it would have been different.

He was a good man, I knew that. He had treated me well throughout the years and made me feel less lonely, but still I couldn’t give him what he so desperately wanted.

The air was chilly, goosebumps appearing on my arms. I knew should probably go inside but the cold felt soothing. I grabbed the phone and called my best friend, hoping he would have an answer this late at night.

Chapter 2

Mark

I thought she would at least call or text me back. I stared at my phone again, but nothing.

What I had written in the text was true, there was no doubt about it. We’d been back and forth like this for years and we’d probably had problems way before either of us wanted to admit, but she had been my safety for four years and I’d tried really hard to make her feel the same.

Four years. That’s a long time, and now I would probably never see her again.

I looked at the photo of us on the wall in the hallway. We were happy then. Or as happy as we could be. The photo was taken in Brighton in the summer. It looked like a postcard, a happy couple playing at the beach. No problems could reach them there and everything was just as simple as it was in movies.

I smiled at the photo. She looked playful, and her green eyes were glowing. I hadn’t seen that for a very long time.

Serena was an amazing woman, but life had been hard on her, and commitment wasn’t her strongest trait. Mine neither, to be honest.

I knew I hadn’t been the best; I had my own issues and God knows I’d been doing her wrong, even if I forced myself to not think about that.

I’d been insecure, confused and worried. It didn’t matter how much of myself I tried to give to her, she always had one foot out the door, ready to run whenever it got tough. And she had been running away from us for too long.

Even if I knew this was for the best, I still felt sad as I took the frame down from the wall. I just stood there with it in my hands for a moment, not sure where to put it.

After a moment’s hesitation, I decided to put it back up. I wasn’t ready to take it down just yet.

Picture back in place, I turned towards the kitchen, but a second later I heard a shattering noise and spun around to find the photo of us on the floor, covered by a thousand pieces of broken glass.

‘Great . . .’

I sighed and grabbed my coat. I needed to get out of here and I needed a drink, now.

Chapter 3

Scotty

As I walked into the hotel bar, I felt my phone vibrate. I reached into my pocket but stilled as my eyes caught on a figure across the room.

Mark. He was here.

I tried to convince myself I hadn’t popped in just because I was hoping he would be there, but I knew that was bullshit.

He looked up, our eyes met, and I totally forgot about my phone. All I saw was him and I hated myself for it.

He nodded slowly and so did I before walking over to him.

‘Scotty,’ he said, trying to play cool.

‘Mark,’ I replied, as natural as I could, taking a seat. ‘How are you?’ I asked, though if the size of the whisky he had in front of him was any indication, I already knew the answer.

‘Don’t,’ he said, taking a sip as I looked him over.

‘I do care about you, you know.’

He looked at me like he didn’t believe a word I was saying.

‘So . . . how are you?’ I asked again.

He drank all the whisky that was left in his glass before looking at me. ‘I broke it off with her.’

‘You did what?’ I asked, unable to hide the surprise.

‘Don’t pretend like you don’t know.’ I shook my head. ‘I swear, I haven’t heard from her.’

I held his gaze for a while, and eventually he sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

‘She deserves much better.’ I could hear how bitter he was.

‘Well yeah, and maybe someone that . . . just wants to be with her,’ I said carefully, not sure how he would react.

He just nodded slowly.

‘I can make you forget her,’ I said simply.

The first thing I saw in his face was disgust, but only for a second. I knew he despised himself for being gay, and that he was in more self-denial than anyone on this side of the Atlantic, but I knew he wanted me as much as I craved him. Like so many times before. More times than either of us wanted to admit.

He was my best friend’s ex now, but he had been her boyfriend for four years. Still, it hadn’t stopped me from craving him.

I was a bad friend, and I knew it. I was an even worse friend for coming here tonight, hoping he would be here.

‘Come with me,’ I said, looking out over the bar.

I saw his nod out of the corner of my eye. ‘Let’s go,’ he said, standing up suddenly and walking away.

I put my glass down on the bar and followed him, with just the right amount of people between us to avoid suspicion. I’d played his game for so long that I knew all the rules. I hated it, and I hated myself for playing along, but I needed him too badly to stop.

Chapter 4

It was cold outside; way colder than it usually was at the beginning of October in England. I shivered under my thin jacket and hoped the warmer weather would return, even just for a little bit longer. It was another ten minute walk to school and I was already cold to my bones.

I pulled my scarf tighter and started walking faster as I heard a car slow down beside me. I looked up and saw those nice brown eyes I’d seen a few times before.

‘You need a ride?’ he asked. I was about to shake my head when he spoke again, stopping my protest. ‘Oh, come on, it’s really cold!’

I opened the door and jumped in. He closed the window, and I wasn’t sure if the warmth spreading inside me was coming from the heat of the car or from him.

He gently squeezed my hand, just for a second, and I couldn’t help but smile a bit.

‘It’s okay you know,’ he said and started humming to a song on the radio as we drove.

He slowed down outside school and took my hand once more before I could open the door.

‘Thank you,’ I said with a smile.

‘You’re welcome. Can I do something else for you?’ he asked. I could hear a stroke of worry in his voice.

I shook my head, too proud. I didn’t even know what to ask for anyway.

I was doing fine; that was what I kept convincing myself of, at least. He kissed my hand before I opened the door and left without looking back.

I was conflicted and scared. He had no idea what my life looked like, and I was sure I didn’t want to let him in. What if he got scared and ran off? Or told someone?

I shook my head slowly at myself. I couldn’t put them through that, I knew that, but still there was something about that boy. He was different; he actually cared for me. If I just had myself to worry about, it would have been fine, but it was more complicated than that. I had my siblings to think of and a dysfunctional family to deal with.

But no matter how much I tried to shake him off, I kept smiling for no reason throughout the rest of the day. It worried me. I tried to be rational, but it was hard, and I wished I was just a normal teenager like the other girls in my school, who didn’t have a thing to worry about beside themselves.

But he was special, he really was.

Chapter 5

Serena

I was woken up by extremely loud knocking on my door. I looked at the time: 7:08 a.m..

‘For fuck’s sake . . .’ I moaned as I slowly moved towards the door.

‘Gooood morniiiiing, Crumble!!’ Scotty said, and I backed away slowly.

‘Too loud, Scotty. Too loud!’

But he didn’t care. He was all sunshine, which made me even more annoyed. He came inside with a bag of bagels and two coffees in his hands.

‘Coffee for my lady,’ he said, giving me one and opening the bag of bagels. ‘And as you know, I don’t eat bread.’ He looked at me seriously as he took a big bite.

I laughed and took a sip of the coffee.

‘So, we have things to celebrate!’ he said once he’d swallowed half the bagel in a matter of seconds.

‘We do?’ I asked, a bit confused.

‘Oh indeed!’ His smile was so wide that I could see all of his perfectly-shaped teeth. I took a bite from the other bagel before he had chance to inhale that one as well. ‘You see, it’s been six months now since you lost the weight!’

I raised an eyebrow. ‘I’m not following, Scotty.’

‘It’s six months since you got rid of Mark!’ he said with a huge smile. ‘It’s been a great, calm, self-pitying six months, and now it’s time for a new chapter,’ he continued, and I wasn’t that keen on it at all to be honest.

‘I’m fine.’ I took another bite of the bagel.

‘Yes, I know you are, Crumble, but it’s time for you to find a new man and not just some random one-night stand. So tonight, you’re my plus one at this fancy dinner I have to go to.’

‘But . . .’ I tried, but he stopped me.

‘No buts. We’re going to celebrate that you left that arsehole and are now one free woman!’ He smiled.

‘He left me, Scotty,’ I pointed out.

He waved his hand around. ‘Well then let’s celebrate that he finally had some balls, at least!’

I laughed. I knew there was no point in arguing; I just wanted to get him out of my flat so I could go back to sleep.

‘Yes, okay fine, Scotty. I’ll come with you. Just let me be for now, okay?’ I moaned.

He kissed my cheek. ‘Fine, Crumble. I’ll pick you up at eight!’ he said, and then he was out the door again.

I went back to bed but struggled with getting anymore sleep. His good mood had kind of got to me and I felt a little excited about that night. I doubted I needed to meet all these fancy people, but some quality time with Scotty could be nice and to dress up a bit couldn’t hurt.

Later that night I was standing outside, waiting for Scotty to pick me up. My good mood from earlier had turned into insecurity and I was not feeling excited at all. I felt awkward in a dress and heels, but I tried to push that away as I looked at the time. It was cold, even if it was April and I was starting to get annoyed.

Luckily, a second later I saw a taxi coming towards me.

‘Looking smashing, Crumble,’ Scotty said as I got in, and I smiled and kissed his cheek, trying to stay positive.

‘So, this fancy dinner . . . what is it about?’ I asked as we drove through London.

‘Well, you know what I’ve been doing this last year?’

I nodded. He had been busy with a movie they had been shooting outside London. My friend was the head director for a hairdressing company, and movies – movie stars in particular – were his speciality.

‘Well, it’s this huge dinner for everyone that’s been a part of making the movie. I have to go because you know that movie would not have happened if it hadn’t been for my amazing hands and scissors, and I really can’t be bothered to go alone,’ he explained, and I just nodded and laughed.

I first met Scotty ten years ago when he was secretly dating the brother of my boyfriend at the time. Things had gone south in a really bad way, but Scotty had saved me, and he had been my best friend ever since.

‘So, how are you feeling? You’ve forgotten about him, right?’ he asked with a huge smile.

He had never been a fan of Mark. He always said that Mark made me boring and dragged me away from having fun. I was slowly starting to think he had been right.

‘I’m okay . . .’ I answered, and he sighed dramatically.

‘Just the fact that you never cried your eyes out is making me wonder if that relationship was bad right from the beginning. That man was nothing but boring and he sucked the life out of you. Good God,’ he said, waving his arms around.

‘Oh, do shut up, Scotty. I loved him. He treated me well,’ I said.

He raised his eyebrow as high as it could go with the Botox he had in his forehead. ‘Oh really, miss? All of him was screaming missionary sex and one glass of red wine every Friday night, and God forbid not being in bed by ten every night!’

I laughed because it was true. ‘Well . . . that might be true, but it wasn’t that bad!’ I tried.

‘Told you! Crumble, you deserve more. Better, wilder sex and more adventures!’

‘What if I don’t want to?’ I replied.

He looked at me, horrified. ‘You just need a real man, that’s all! And I’ve got someone in mind.’

I raised an eyebrow. ‘At a fancy dinner in SoHo with movie stars? Yeah, I bet there’s loads of men that would be interested in me there.’ I laughed.

‘Most definitely,’ he said as the car pulled up at our destination. He opened my door and took my hand.

Our conversation in the car had made me intrigued to see what the hell he was on about, I had to give him that.

Chapter 6

Scotty

No one had been happier the day Mark broke up with her than me. I still felt awful about that, but at least this was better. Or that was what I was trying to convince myself of, anyway.

Their relationship had been bad from the beginning. Those two hadn’t been good for each other and the fights had been numerous and mostly unnecessary. And then there was the fact that Mark was gay. Strangely it wasn’t the whole reason the relationship had been bad, but clearly it was an issue.

But to be fair, Serena wasn’t easy to live with either, after everything she’d been through. Her childhood had been horrible, and after her dad was killed in a car accident she had been to hell and back more than once before I found her in a bar in London.

She had been in a bad shape, and I’ll never forget the night I picked her up from a dodgy street. All she had was a bag and her guitar. She could barely stand up and there had been no light in her eyes.

I’d never heard her play on that guitar, and all I knew was that she had stopped one day and hadn’t picked it up since. But still, she brought it with her everywhere she went, and I knew that one day she would be healed enough to play it again.

Anyway, I was pleased she was single, and I was determined to find her someone that would actually make her happy and give her the life she deserved.

I looked at her as we walked up the beautiful stairs, and even if I was as gay as a person could, be she was the most gorgeous woman. She was truly magnificent, and I was proud to have her by my side.

She deserved the world and a bit more, and most of all she deserved a man that could manage her, blow her mind and take her to places she’d never been before. And the man I had in mind was just perfect.

As we walked into the room, there were people everywhere. I felt her pinch my arm as she saw Tom Hughes walk by.

‘That’s Tim fucking Hughes,’ she said without moving her lips.

‘He’s got a small dick so don’t go after him.’ I smiled widely, and she burst into laughter.

‘Don’t you have a filter?’ She glared at me playfully, and I raised an eyebrow.

‘Do you know me at all?’

She laughed again as she shook her head.

We made our way around the room, and I mingled with the people I knew I had to socialise with, introducing Serena to a few of them. Then all of a sudden, I saw him on the other side of the room. The star of the show.

Josh Bradley.

Chapter 7

I sat on the floor in my room, staring at the wall. I didn’t think life could get worse, but it always found a way.

The police had left our house hours ago, but still I couldn’t take it in. The second I had seen them I had known it was something bad. You could tell on their faces, and to be honest, it was never good when the police came to a house like this.

‘Can we come inside?’ they’d asked. I had just nodded slowly.

Me, my mum, and my sister gathered in the living room as the police officers sat down on the sofa.

‘We’re very sorry, but we need to inform you that your husband and your son have tragically died in a car accident south of town,’ the brown-haired officer said to my mum.

I stared at them, then stared at my mum, trying to figure out why someone would make such a cruel joke.

Not my dad. Not my brother. No, no, no . . . that couldn’t be true!

No.

Everything after that second was blank. I had no memories, and now all of a sudden, I was sat here.

I could hear my mum crying downstairs. I guessed I should try to be the strong one, to comfort her, but I couldn’t. It had taken all my energy to get my sister to bed and make her go to sleep without crying my eyes out. My mum had been useless from the beginning, and I just knew that this wouldn’t make it better.

Life would go downhill from this, and I was already dreading it.

I reached for my guitar and slowly played a few chords.

I couldn’t deal with the pain; it was too hard, too strong, and too intense. How could this happen and how was I supposed to live with this?

I kept playing my dad’s favourite song. He had been different, my dad. He liked music no other dads liked. Nirvana had been his favourite and my childhood had been filled with their songs.

‘Stop with that fucking guitar!’ my mum screamed.

‘Where are you going?’ she shouted as I came down the stairs a few minutes later, guitar case in hand.

‘Out!’ I answered as I opened the door.

‘Don’t bother coming home!’ she screamed as she drank from the bottle in her right hand.

I looked at her for a second before I closed the door, grabbing my sister’s bike and throwing the guitar on my back.

It was almost 11 p. m. but it was still quite light. It took me just fifteen minutes to get to the beach through the woods. I leaned the bike against a tree and sat down under it. I took a deep breath and felt the gradual calm wash over me. There was something about the waves that always made me feel more at peace.

I started playing again, the tears streaming down my face.

Chapter 8

Serena

I turned to my left with a smile planted on my face and met a pair of ice blue eyes over everyone else’s heads.

The man who they belonged to was taller than me even with my heels on, and he looked as awkward as I felt. The difference was that he was the star in the room, and I wasn’t.

I smiled slightly and so did he, my heart skipping a beat when he raised his glass. I did the same, trying to act cool.

I could look into those eyes for the rest of my life and be one happy woman, I thought before the moment was gone, someone catching his attention and causing him to look away.

Suddenly I felt someone squeezing my arm and I looked to my right. Scotty was vibrating from excitement.

‘Yesss!’ he almost screamed.

‘What are you doing?’ I asked.

‘You!’ he said, overexcited.

I laughed, unsure if he had lost it completely.

‘That’s the guy you should run off with!’ he tipped his head, still overly excited.

‘Who?’ I asked. I drained the last of my glass of champagne and looked around.

‘Josh Bradley!’ He said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

‘Oh, please, Scotty. I’m not running away with a movie star. And why should he be interested in me? He’s the centre of attention in this room and I am definitely not!’ I said, still laughing. It was the most absurd thing I’d heard in my life.

Scotty just looked at me, like he knew something I didn’t, and I wasn’t sure if I should be worried or excited.

For the rest of the night I couldn’t help but searching for those blue eyes again. I saw him over and over, but he never looked my way, and when we left many hours later, I was sure it had all been in my head.

Those blue eyes would never meet mine again and I felt a bit sad. There was something within those eyes that had made me feel things. Things I hadn’t felt for ages, and somewhere deep inside it felt like home. Cheesy, I know, but I couldn’t help but wonder if he had felt it too. Probably not, but a tiny piece of me was still hoping.

I shook my head as I opened my front door and laughed at myself. Scotty was right, I really needed to find a man so I would stop dreaming about movie stars.

Chapter 9

Josh

It had been weeks since that dinner in London and I still couldn’t stop thinking about those captivating green eyes and the stunning woman who they belonged to. There was something about her, and I kept smiling every time I thought about how she had looked at me.

I sat on a sofa in Los Angeles, waiting for another reporter from another magazine that would ask the same questions everyone else already had already asked. I was bored out of my mind.

A woman came into the room, our eyes met, and I could tell that my presence made her nervous.

I could never get my head around the fact that me just being me made women nervous. I was just a random guy from Cardiff in Wales that had been lucky enough to be able to do what he dreamt of.

‘So, Josh Bradley . . .’ she said as she sat down.

‘That’s me.’ I smiled and so did she.

‘This is your fifth big movie in a short period of time and you’re hotter than ever,’ she said and I nodded. I wasn’t sure I would describe myself as hotter than ever, but hey, if that was what she was going for who was I to tell her she was wrong?

I answered some questions, nodded and smiled. I dodged the questions my publicist had told me I couldn’t answer, and I tried to focus on her and not the fact that this day would finally be over after this interview.

‘Can I ask you a question off the record?’ she asked, bringing me back to the room.

‘Of course.’

‘Are you seeing anyone?’

Her eyes met mine again and my instant answer was ‘No’. I might have been half-wishing I was seeing the green-eyed woman, but for now I wasn’t even close to dating anyone and I wasn’t sure I was interested in it either.

I met up with women from time to time, spending a night or two with them before delicately slipping away. That was my thing. I wasn’t interested in relationships whatsoever, but I couldn’t help that women threw themselves at me.

I was curious about where she was going with this question. ‘I’m not, no,’ I answered and raised an eyebrow as I stood up.

‘What a coincidence because I’m not seeing anyone either,’ she said with a smile. ‘Here’s my number if you get bored later and want some company.’ She gave me a note with her phone number on, took her stuff and left the room.

I stood there for a few seconds and for the first time in weeks the green-eyed woman wasn’t occupying my mind. I knew I would call that woman later and I couldn’t help being a little bit excited about it.

Chapter 10

Serena

The world premiere of Josh’s new movie had been the hottest thing in town last night. Scotty had tried to get me to go, but I refused. I was not interested in seeing Josh on a big screen, so I said no when he asked for the fourth time and spent the night on the sofa watching old episodes of Modern Family.

I woke up around six and was now out running in the park, as I did almost every morning. I looked down at my Fitbit and realised I wasn’t crushing any records today. I sighed and increased the pace. I loved running this early because there were no one else around. Just me, the trees and a squirrel or two.

The second I thought how much I was enjoying being on my own, I saw someone coming towards me. I looked up and met the pair of blue eyes I’d been thinking of for weeks but never thought I would see again.

We both stopped and stared at each other.

‘You!’ he said, a smile growing on his face.

‘No way!’ I started laughing as I tried to catch my breath. ‘It’s not possible. You can’t be out here!’ I said, still staring at him, painfully aware of my probably crazy hair and red face.

‘But here I am,’ he said with a smile as he shrugged his shoulders. ‘I’m Josh.’ He reached out his hand.

‘Serena,’ I said as I shook it.

He smiled at me. ‘You know that Seren means “star” in Welsh?’ he asked.

I shook my head, impressed. ‘Oh, wow . . . I didn’t know that.’ I couldn’t help but thinking that was the cutest thing I’d ever heard. ‘Well, I need to get going,’ I said without even knowing why. I had nowhere to be!

‘Yeah, I should probably do that too . . .’ he said as he looked at his watch. ‘It was really nice to meet you, Serena.’

‘You too.’ I bit my lower lip. Fuck, he was too hot for this world. I couldn’t handle this amount of gorgeous this early in the morning.

‘I would love to call you . . .’ he said.

‘Oh, really?’ I asked, immediately hating myself. Oh really? Really, Serena? Get a grip, woman!

‘I mean, if I don’t accidentally run in to you in the woods again.’ He grimaced. ‘Okay that sounded like I’m stalking you. I’m not, I promise!’ he said, and I laughed as I shook my head.

‘It’s okay, I don’t think you are. But I bet it would be a nice change though? Being the stalker instead of being stalked by the media, I mean.’

He burst out laughing. ‘Yeah, absolutely true! I would like that.’

‘You can stalk me if you want to, it’s okay,’ I said and bit my lip again.

He smiled the most blinding smile I’d ever seen. ‘I could do that . . . but I would rather just take you out for dinner, if that would be okay?’

I could swear my heart was beating so loud that he could hear it.

‘I would love that,’ I answered, and his smile grew even wider as I tapped my number into his phone.

‘I’ll call you soon,’ he said, and we said goodbye.

After a few seconds I turned around and saw that he had done the same. I laughed to myself as I kept running.

That did not just happen . . .

Chapter 11

It’s been three months and two weeks since my dad and my younger brother’s car accident. If life had been hard before, that was nothing compared to now.

My younger brother had always been my mum’s sweetheart and she had adored Dad, and now with both of them gone she couldn’t care less about me and my sister.

In the first weeks she had tried to hide the bottle, but now she couldn’t be bothered to even do that. It was almost always empty, so I guessed she drank about one bottle a day.

Our so-called home was falling apart more than usual. Money had always been tight, but our dad had never let us down. Now it was me making dinner, trying to clean, and getting things in order whilst grieving my family. All the while, Mum went further and further down the bottle. I tried to feel sorry for her, tried to understand her, tried to support her, but I just couldn’t.

There was a knock on the door as I was making dinner for me and my sister, since Mum was God knows where.

‘Hey,’ the brown-eyed boy said when I opened the door.

I stared at him a second before realising I wasn’t imagining him there.

‘I’m sorry for just coming around like this, but I haven’t seen you in school for a few days and wanted to make sure you’re okay?’ he explained, looking a bit embarrassed, though not even half as embarrassed as I felt standing there with messy hair and food all over my hands, knowing he was judging the state of the house. I was mortified!

‘I’m fine, but my sister’s been ill,’ I explained, trying to keep my voice steady.

He nodded slowly. ‘Oh, I’m sorry. Is she feeling better?’

I nodded.

‘Good, because I was wondering . . .’ he started but paused.

‘You were wondering?’ I prompted.

‘I was wondering if you would like to grab a hot chocolate after school tomorrow?’

He looked so embarrassed that I couldn’t help but smile. There was something about him that made me forget about my reality.

‘Sure, I would love to do that,’ I answered, and his whole face glowed.

I felt butterflies mixed with anxiety in my stomach. I was too close to it now. I was starting to feel something for him and that wasn’t good, but I couldn’t help it. He was just so adorable.

Chapter 12

Josh

I had a huge smile on my face as I ran back to the hotel. Still, I wanted to punch myself for all those corny lines.

Seren means star in Welsh? Really, Josh? She wasn’t even called Seren, it was Serena, but it just slipped out. I went through the whole conversation in my head, over and over. What was the chances of me meeting her in a park on a Friday morning?

Fuck, it must have been destiny.

I laughed at myself. Since when did I believe in destiny?

I’d been looking for her since landing at Heathrow, even knowing the chances of seeing her again were ridiculously small. But the second I wasn’t looking she appeared in front of me. If that wasn’t destiny I didn’t know what was!

I kept smiling as I took a shower, getting ready for another day.

‘Serena,’ she said when she picked up the phone a few hours later.

‘Hey, it’s Josh. From the woods,’ I said, and hated myself the second it slipped out.

‘From the woods? Is that like Jennie from the block or . . .?’ she teased.

I laughed. ‘Absolutely, my hoods you know,’ I said.

Now it was her turn to laugh. ‘Ohhh, you even rhyme. The woods are your hoods. I’m impressed.’

‘So how is it in the woods, Josh?’ she asked, and I heard a door close behind her.

‘Oh, the woods are great. Wish I was there instead of locked up in a hotel room though, with you, if that would be possible,’ I answered.

‘I see . . .’

‘Just wondered if you would like to have dinner with me tomorrow night?’ I asked, feeling how my heart was racing.

‘Oh, in the woods?’ she asked teasingly, I laughed.

‘I actually thought we could eat in a restaurant, if that is okay with you?’

‘Yeah, sure, I can do dinner tomorrow.’

I nearly jumped in happiness before catching myself. ‘Great!’

We hung up and I saw that I had a text from Lana, the reporter I’d been having some fun with over the past few weeks. I had totally forgotten about her until now. Noting to myself that I needed to break it off with her, I grabbed a bottle of water as my publicist led the next reporter into the room.

Chapter 13

Scotty

‘Mark?’ I asked as I saw him standing in front of Serena’s house. It was past eight at night and seeing him here was weird.

He turned to me like I’d caught him doing something illegal. ‘Scotty.’

‘I would say it’s good to see you but . . .’ I said, and he looked as impressed to see me as I was to see him.

‘Don’t bother,’ he said, and I shrugged my shoulders.

‘So why are you standing here?’

‘None of your business,’ he answered.

I sighed. ‘Are you leaving something? Picking something up? Are you actually going inside or are you just going to stand out here like a creep?’ I asked.

At that moment the front door to her building opened and Josh Bradley came out. We both froze. He looked around before he started walking down the street.

‘I recognise that guy. Is that . . .?’ Mark asked.

My head was spinning fast. I was wondering the exact same thing.

‘Probably not,’ I said quickly. ‘Why are you here, Mark? It’s been over six months,’ I returned to the original topic, trying to make him forget the fact that Josh Bradley just stepped out onto the street.

He turned to me. ‘I miss her.’

I rolled my eyes. ‘Oh, come on, Mark. You don’t. You just hate being lonely. You know you’re still gay, right?’

‘I don’t want to talk about . . . that,’ he said.

I raised an eyebrow. ‘No, you’ve never been much for talking, have you?’ I said sarcastically. ‘Just leave her alone. She deserves better than you anyway.’ I turned but he grabbed my arm.

‘You know you’ve let her down too, right?’ he said.

I refused to be the first one to look away. We stood like that for a few seconds before he let go of my arm and began to walk away. I tried to shake the weird feeling as I watched him leave, but he did not turn around.

When I approached Serena’s floor there was a bouquet of lilies outside her door. I grabbed them and looked at the card. It read:

The stalking has started. Love, Josh.

I had absolutely no idea what the hell that meant. I read it a few more times before knocking on her door. She opened a few seconds later and looked at me with a confused face.

‘Oh, Crumble, these aren’t from me. They’re from Mr. Josh Bradley,’ I said, raising an eyebrow.

She looked at them, totally ignoring me.

‘You know I saw him,’ I said.

‘Where?’

‘Right outside your door! A few minutes ago. So I know something’s up!’

‘Here? He was here?’ she asked.

‘Yes! He didn’t knock?’ Now we both looked confused. She shook her head as she read the card. ‘But, I don’t get it. Are you seeing him?’

She smiled. ‘That’s what I wanted to tell you . . .’

‘Tell me all about it!’ I opened her fridge, grabbed a bottle of wine and opened it. ‘Come on, spit it out!’ I said as I poured the wine into two glasses. She laughed in response

Chapter 14

‘Play it one more time!’ he said from the floor.

I smiled and grabbed the guitar again. I’d already played his favourite song three times in a row, but I couldn’t say no to him, so I started again. I sang softly and smiled when I saw how he was enjoying it.

My mum always told me how annoying it was when I played and how bad I sang, so it had taken a long time for me to trust him enough to actually play for him. But once I’d started, he never wanted me to stop. So it’s what we had been doing most of the time; me playing the guitar, him enjoying it.

‘You want to stay the night?’ he asked as he sat up and pulled me closer.

My sister was at a friend’s house for the night and I didn’t need to go home, so I nodded. ‘Yeah, sure, I can stay.’

He smiled and kissed my forehead. ‘Then I’ll go and make dinner.’

Everything was so different with him. Nothing was hard; no complaining and no moaning. He just enjoyed my company and actually wanted me to be around. I felt appreciated and maybe even a tiny bit loved. I smiled to myself and started playing a different song.

‘You’re amazing, you know that right?’ he said later as we sat opposite of each other while eating pasta.

‘Oh, I don’t know about that,’ I said, slightly embarrassed.

‘Yes, you are. Amazing,’ he said, and I smiled slightly as I took a sip of water.

‘You should do that. Sing, I mean. I think you could go far.’

‘Oh, stop it!’ I laughed. ‘I’m not going anywhere with it. It’s just a silly thing!’

‘It’s not silly.’ He shook his head. ‘You’re great. Really, really great!’ he said seriously.

I smiled again and a tiny piece of me actually wanted to believe him because that same piece of me would have loved to do it for real. I didn’t know if I had it in me – to be on a stage and sing to thousands of people – but it was a dream.

Anyway, dreams didn’t come true, so there was nothing to worry about.

Chapter 15

Serena

Josh picked me up outside my house and the butterflies I felt as I sat down next to him were unreal.

‘So where are we going?’ I asked, meeting his blue eyes.

Damn. He was the most outstanding guy I’d ever seen.

‘To a really cute little place,’ he said with a smile.

‘That’s really specific, Josh,’ I teased.

He laughed. ‘It is.’

‘Thanks for the flowers.’

‘You understood the joke, right?’

‘Yeah, not creepy at all!’ I raised an eyebrow.

He chuckled as he took my hand. ‘I knew you were special,’ he said, kissing it.

I didn’t know what to say but I shivered as his lips touched my hand.

We drove through London, the car eventually slowing down. Suddenly, I felt Josh freeze.

‘What is it?’ I asked, turning to him.

‘Paparazzi.’

I looked out the window and saw maybe four men with cameras standing outside the restaurant.

‘Fuck . . .’ he sighed desperately.

‘It’s okay . . .’ I said, my head spinning trying to find a solution. ‘Just keep driving,’ I said half a second later. Josh did as I said and drove by the restaurant.

‘We can just buy food and go back to my place. There’s no cameras there.’ I smiled and met his sad, disappointed eyes.

‘You sure? Fuck, I’m sorry. I have no idea how that happened,’ he said, running a hand through his hair.

‘Oh, Josh, it’s London. Everyone knows everything!’

He gently took my hand and squeezed it. A few minutes later he stopped the car outside my favourite restaurant. I went inside and bought dinner and walked back to the car with the bags. It just took two minutes to get back to my place and suddenly we were standing in the elevator, looking at each other.

‘Maybe we should have bought wine?’ he said, making a face.

I laughed. ‘Oh, calm down, I’ve got wine.’ I smiled, and he looked a bit calmer. I opened the door and let him in. ‘Well, welcome to my favourite place.’

He looked around. It wasn’t a big flat, but I loved it and the view was the absolute best.

‘This is amazing,’ he said. ‘Wow, the view is just . . .’ He looked out over the city.

‘It is.’ I poured some wine into two glasses and gave him one. ‘Cheers!’

Chapter 16

Josh

This hadn’t at all been as I had planned, but it had turned out quite well, I must say.

‘I don’t usually do this,’ she said as we sat on the sofa with a glass of wine after dinner.

‘Drinking wine, you mean?’ I asked and raised an eyebrow.

‘Oh please, that I do. A lot.’ She laughed. ‘No, I mean asking guys to come home with me on the first date.’

‘No? But it felt so natural,’ I teased, and she laughed again.

God, I loved her laugh.

‘I’m really glad you did though. And I am really sorry for that,’ I said, referring to the restaurant fiasco.

‘It’s okay. I didn’t say that I didn’t enjoy it,’ she raised an eyebrow, and I thought I heard a stroke of flirting in her voice. It made the butterflies in my stomach go wild and I moved a bit closer to her.

‘Who knows, this might have been my plan all along,’ I said, hearing the slight shake in my voice.

‘In that case I think it was a great plan . . .’ she almost whispered as she put her glass down on the table.

Her lips were so close to mine now that my heart was racing, and I had to force myself to not throw myself at her. I leaned in and gently pressed my lips to hers, my hand at her neck pulling her closer to me.

Soon the kiss deepened and she got on top of me. I felt the eagerness in her lips and in her hands on my back. I slowly pulled her dress off and pulled back, just looking at her for a second.

‘You’re so beautiful,’ I mumbled.

‘Just shut up and kiss me,’ she whispered.

I smiled and did as she requested. Seconds later we were a pile of arms and legs on the floor, and I couldn’t get close enough to her.

‘Damn.’ I felt her smile against my lips as we were lying naked on the floor.

‘That’s a good damn, right?’ I asked.

She laughed. ‘Yes, Josh, that’s a good one.’ Her finger was lingering on my chest. ‘A really good damn.’ She leaned in and kissed me again.

Chapter 17

Mark

I sat in the hotel bar with a whisky in front of me, trying to make my head stop spinning.

I had no intention of seeing Scotty outside Serena’s house. I didn’t even plan on going there, it just happened, and I had been so sure that I was missing her until that idiot came up and said I wasn’t. What did he know?

‘Nothing! Absolutely nothing,’ I mumbled to myself as I took another sip of the whisky.

I’d loved Serena, and I hadn’t seen Scotty in over five months. Five months, three weeks and two days, to be exact.

I shook my head at myself and was ordering another whisky when I saw a familiar face entering the bar.

‘Oh, for fuck’s sake.’ I sighed as I saw Scotty walking up to the bar.

He hadn’t seen me yet and for a second I thought I could hide away, but it was too late. His eyes met mine.