Enlightenment E-Book

Maureen Freely

• Herausgeber: Marion Boyars
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2007

Beschreibung

A tense thriller about the return of an investigative journalist to Istanbul from America, the scene of Jeannie's teenage love affair with Sinan, a Turkish boy, as well as the place of operation of her father, a CIA agent. Jeannie is forced to confront her past when Sinan's wife asks her for help to regain her son, taken away from her by the American authorities when Sinan is arrested trying to enter the United States, A gripping novel involving a retired secret service informer, a msyterious 'trunk' murder, and a group of radical young students in a volatile political climate, in a Turkey where everyone is a suspect and noone is who they say they are.

Leseprobe

Enlightenment

by

Maureen Freely

Acknowledgements

I shall never know what happened at Robert College during its last years as a US-owned university. In this novel I have constructed a parallel world to explore avenues closed to me in real life. Though my characters are as fictitious as the murder in which they are implicated, I have tried to portray the larger events that shape their lives as accurately as possible. Wherever feasible, I have referred to the newspaper accounts that the characters would have been reading at the time. These are named as they appear in the text.

The figures listed in Jeannie’s ‘brutal endnote’ on pp 276–277 are taken from ‘File of Torture: Deaths in Detention Places or Prisons (12th September 1980 – 12th September 1995)’, published by the Human Rights Foundation of Turkey in Ankara in 1996.

My only other source was a series of unclassified CIA interviews with a disgruntled Soviet citizen. These can be found at www.foia.ucia.gov: Case No EO-1991–00231. They bear no direct relation to the story: my interest was in the language.

I would like to thank Ruth Christie for granting permission to echo and reproduce her translation of Nazim Hikmet’s ‘A Journey’.

I would also like to thank my agent Pat Kavanagh for her magnificence, Catheryn Kilgarriff, Rebecca Gillieron and Amy Christian at Marion Boyars for their inspired professionalism, and my family for their love and understanding.

And I am deeply grateful to my friends Nicci Gerrard, Joseph Olshan, Jennifer Potter, Joan Smith, Richard and Sheila Thornley, and Becky Waters. You know why.

‘The first task of any intelligence organization is to establish where the danger is.’ Thomas Powers in the New York Review of Books, September 26th 2002

‘The second task of any intelligence organization, after identifying where the danger lies, is to protect its secrets.’ Thomas Powers in the New York Review of Books, October 10th 2002

Contents

Title PageAcknowledgementsEpigraphI: In Answer to Your Question1234567II: Everyday Life in the Days of the Cold War89101112131415III: The Coup1617181920212223IV: How to Bury a Story242526272829V: Torture Without Marks30313233343536VI: The Earthquake373839404142434445VII: Everyday Life in Times of Terror464748495051Afterword by Suna SafranCopyright

I

In Answer to Your Question

1

I am writing this for you, Mary Ann. The others are faceless, so it helps, when I look into this screen, to imagine you as my first reader.

Let me begin, then, by addressing the points you raised in your last message. You asked if I was certain of this woman’s innocence. My answer is an unqualified yes. She is a committed pacifist and has been all her life. If that bulky jacket did indeed conceal explosives, you can be sure it was someone else who put them there. Either that or the picture you sent me has been digitally enhanced.

You also asked if I could give you some idea of my whereabouts. I regret to say that (for now, at least) I am unable to do so. Nor would it be wise, at this point, to tell you why. But I am happy to tell you about my passports. As my records will show (and please do feel free to check these for yourself) I am a US citizen by birth, though I do also have an Irish passport. I have never been a citizen of Turkey, nor do I plan to become one. But in some sense it will always be my home.

In answer to your final question – and I will go into some detail here, as I cannot expect you or your colleagues to accept me at face value unless I explain who I am, how I came to be that person, and the circuitous route by which I wandered into this murky intrigue – I was eight years old when my family moved to Istanbul. This was in 1960, which means (among other things) that we made the trip across the Atlantic in a prop plane. Crossing Europe, we were low enough to see the cars on the roads. But – and I expect the same was true for Jeannie Wakefield ten years later – I was not at all frightened. My thoughts were on our golden destination, which I knew, and assumed to know intimately, from an old issue of the National Geographic. All summer long, I’d been gazing into its lush and perfectly composed illustrations, imagining myself inside them.

There are no words to describe my first impression of the real thing. It hit me like a hand, ripping the pictures out of my head and tearing them to shreds. I can recall a thousand swirling details of that first drive in from the airport, but I have no sense of the whole. There was the yellow haze rising from the Sea of Marmara but not the sea itself; the flock of tankers and fishing boats but not the horizon on which they sat; the red and crumbling fragments of the old city walls but no history to explain them. I could barely breathe from the stench of burning flesh I could not yet trace to the tanning factories, the injured violins that I could not yet accept as music, the belching chaos of jeeps, trucks, horses, carts and Chevrolets. Tiny gypsies weaved amongst us with flowers no one wanted, and crooked old men with sofas strapped to their backs. Pressed against the sky was a forest of minarets and domes. The Golden Horn, which wasn’t golden. The Bosphorus, so blue it stung my eyes.

The city thinned as we crawled along the European shore, winding our way from bay to promontory, and promontory to bay, through narrow streets that opened without warning into coastal roads, coming so close to Asia at some points that we could see the windows of the houses and at other times veering so far back into Europe that we could see no windows whatsoever, but I had no idea where we were by then, no idea at all. Until that day, I had never seen a landscape that wasn’t planned or protected, or a street that wasn’t zoned.

After an hour that seemed like a day, our bus turned up a steep and narrow cobblestone lane. We crawled up past a cemetery in which the tombstones wore turbans. Skirting a dark and crenellated tower, we climbed higher still, to pass through a stone gate covered with ivy. Beyond was a cool green hush and a leafy campus that consoled me because it looked so much like the one we’d left behind in Boston. There was a path. I followed it around a corner. I stepped out onto a terrace, and there it was: my golden destination. My picture from the National Geographic. The castle on its wooded hillside; the Bosphorus with its endless parade of tankers, ferries and fishing boats. Lining its Asian shore, the villas and palaces that seemed close enough to touch, and behind them, the brown rolling hills that must, I thought, stretch as far as China.

The terrace on which I was standing belonged to Robert College, where my father was to teach physics. Founded by American Protestants in the 19th century to educate the city’s Westernising elites, it would later be nationalised and renamed. When we arrived in 1960, it was still a private university, run by a board based in New York. Most of its faculty came from the US, and most, like my father, came on three-year contracts.

But by 1963, my parents had fallen in love with the city and couldn’t bear the thought of leaving. Imagine looking out of the window in the morning, they said, and not seeing the Bosphorus. So my father signed another contract, and then another. They managed to hang on until 1970, the year I turned eighteen.

Robert College was no longer a peaceful or secluded place by then – the political turmoil sweeping across Turkey had swept us up, too. The only sensible thing was to move back to Boston. This was where they were, Mary Ann, when your sister and I were classmates. She may remember the beautiful home they made for themselves there. But they never stopped pining for the Bosphorus (and all that it implied). So in the mid-80s, when Turkey seemed to be returning to its former peaceful self, they moved back to Istanbul. They’ve been here ever since. Their house is only a few hundred yards from the one where I grew up.

Had things worked out differently, I might have settled here, too. And this is my connection to the story you’ve asked me to tell you. I am sure I never spoke of it with your sister, because at the time we knew each other, I spoke of it to no one. There was a boy, you see. And it was serious, very serious.

By the time I left Istanbul, in June 1970, we were engaged. But we kept it secret. Because he suspected his parents were reading his mail, we did not even mention it in our letters. As soon as I got to Boston, I found myself a waitressing job, working long hours all summer and neglecting my studies that autumn until I’d saved enough money to buy us two weeks together in a country where no one knew us. In mid-December, I went to Paris to meet him. But he never turned up. For three days, I sat in our room at the Hotel des Grandes Ecoles, waiting for the message that never came.

His letter was waiting for me when I got back to Boston. He’d met someone else – someone, he said, who was quite like me ‘except that she’s more innocent.’ I wrote him back. A three-word postcard: ‘ROT IN HELL.’ Early the next summer, I opened an envelope with no return address to find a garish clipping from a Turkish newspaper to see that my wish had been granted.

The only way I could fend off the wordless horror that swept over me at that moment – and continued to sweep over me, for years to come, every time I put my head on a pillow – was to sever all connections with the place from which it came. But I was, I now see, only buying myself time. The twists and turns of life have brought me back, and now here I am, strangled by my own principles, forced, through wicked circumstance, to defend my usurper.

I met her for the first time late last summer. Though it would be more accurate to say that it was arranged that we should meet. I was back in Istanbul for one of my flying visits, to keep my mother company while my father was in hospital having a hip replaced. So let me set the scene for you: it was early evening, and we were on the balcony, having drinks. My mother was bringing me up to date on the latest gossip about people I knew only by name, and as she spoke, I gazed out at the branches I felt I knew leaf by leaf, though the trees themselves were twice as tall as they’d been when I was a child. There was something about the light – or something behind it. The sun had already set behind the hills on our side of the Bosphorus, but filtering through the blue-green foliage in my mother’s garden I could almost see the reflected gold from the hills of Asia.

No hint of the sea between us – just the low hum of a passing tanker, the putter of a fishing boat, a car backfiring on the road leading down to the shore. Below us, in the Burç Club, a man was testing a microphone. Filing down the White Walk were the first guests for what my mother told me was the third alumni wedding to be held at the club since Wednesday. As a woman in a filmy dress picked her way past a family of lazily growling dogs, she faltered on her stilettos but was righted by the man next to her. He glanced sternly into our garden, whereupon, following his gaze, I, too, saw the most curious scene: a thin and anxious woman in a bellydancing outfit, posing on what I assumed to be a log. Crouched next to the wall was a photographer casting furtive looks in our direction.

‘Do you know this man?’ I asked my mother. ‘Does he have permission to be here?’

She shrugged her shoulders. ‘It’s not for me to say.’

I offered to call someone in Buildings and Grounds. She shook her head. ‘Why bother? Anyway, the joke’s on them.’ She launched into a story that seemed at first to have nothing to do with the photographer and his model: one morning last summer, when my mother had been sitting in this same chair, drinking her coffee and minding her own business, a posse of workmen had ‘just barged’ into the garden with no warning and started digging holes. ‘It turned out they were from the city sewers project. They brought in one more pipe than they had room for, so that’s what the bellydancer down there is sitting on. Not very photogenic if you ask me!’

She swang around in her chair, bronzed, leggy and devil-may-care. Pointing at the cheese sticks on the copper tray between us, she said, ‘Eat!’ As I topped up her Martini, she told me about a Dodge Ruthwen, who had taught engineering here between 1960 and 1963, but who also played stride piano. ‘And oh – his voice!’ His son (‘He was a year behind you at the community school, darling, but now he’s at the Smithsonian’) had stopped by last week to say hello. ‘He’s staying with the Winchalls – you do remember them, don’t you? She was the head of USIS and he was a historian. They were here in the late 60s, and again in the late 80s. Now they’ve bought a house out on the Princes Islands…’ Name after name I didn’t remember, wave after wave of fun-lovers, swishing in for their three year contracts, and leaving to be replaced by others just like them. Did they ever pause to ask themselves why there were here?

Airily, I repeated something I’d heard the poet Derek Walcott say at a reading a few years back: though the United States was an empire, it was invisible to most of its citizens.

‘So?’ my mother said.

‘So we’re all part of an empire we don’t even know exists.’

My mother flared her nostrils. ‘The problem with you, Miss M –’

‘Can you please stop calling me that?’

‘The problem with you, Miss M, is that you’re so busy designing umbrellas, you lose sight of the people underneath.’

She lifted up her glass, to stare at the ice cubes. ‘Which reminds me. That old flame of yours.’

‘Which one?’ I said.

‘That film-maker. The one who let you down so badly, and then got into all that trouble. His name escapes me. His film name, I mean.’

‘It’s Yankı,’ I said.

‘Yankee?’

‘There’s no “ee” at the end, just “uh.” Yankı. With an undotted “i”.’

‘Yes, dear. But why?’

‘It means “echo” in Turkish. You did know that, didn’t you?’ My mother nodded, somewhat uneasily, I thought. ‘And he’s Turkish,’ I continued, trying to keep my voice light, ‘but not just Turkish. He’s an echo of something else. He was born in the US, remember?’

‘It still sounds too much like Yankee.’

‘That’s the point.’

‘Why?’

‘It’s a play on words.’

‘Is it? Really? It sounds rather forced to me. But never mind. It’s the films that count. Though I have to say. They’re rather obtuse. The one I saw, anyway. My Cold War. It won that big prize.’

‘So I heard,’ I said.

‘Did you see it?’

I shook my head.

‘Someone told me it was about that terrible thing he was involved in, you know, in 1971. So of course, I was curious. But as you probably know…’

I nodded.

‘…it turned out to be about his childhood. He had so much to say about his childhood that he ran out of film by 1970. All we’re left with is a whole screen of dangling questions, which he promises to answer in a future Part Two. Fat chance of that happening now, though.’

‘Why?’

‘He’s been arrested.’

‘Where?’

‘In America.’

‘What for?’

Tapping her cigarette against the ashtray, she said, ‘The jury’s out on that, I’m afraid. All I know is that he was flying into JFK – this was some time last week. He was on some sort of tour. He’s big with the students there, I hear. Someone we know at NYU went out to meet him. Well, he waited and waited, but there was no sign of anyone remotely resembling an obtuse documentary-maker. So finally he went over to this officious-looking Brownshirt – I just can’t believe they have the nerve to dress these people in brown, can you? Do they have any idea of the historical ironies? Apparently not. Because when our friend went over to this hulking Homeland Security Übermensch, and mentioned who he was waiting for, all hell broke loose, and he was arrested, too.’

‘For what?’ I asked.

‘If you can believe it – for terrorism. They didn’t hold him for long, but it looks as if that old flame of yours – they nabbed him at passport control – did I mention that? Well, anyway, it looks as if he might be in for the long haul. The rumour is that they’ve sent him to Guadalajara.’

‘Guadalajara?’

‘I meant Guantanamo, as you well know. But honestly. If he’s a terrorist, then we’re all terrorists. Which is no joking matter, because that is what it seems to be coming to.’ She lit up a new cigarette. ‘But here’s the worst part. When your old flame was arrested…’

‘Why do you have to keep calling him that?’

‘When this old flame of yours was arrested, he was with his five-year-old son. Really, his wife should have been with them, too, but there was some sort of complication with her passport. She’s a US citizen, too, you know, but have you heard what they’re doing now? Anyone who applies for a new passport from abroad has to wait two weeks, because the consulate has to send the forms back to Washington to be processed. And we have to pay through the nose for the privilege. And believe you me – the diplomatic pouch does not come cheap. Anyway – you must remember this wife of his. Jeannie Wakefield?’

I shook my head. My mother took a drag from her cigarette. ‘That’s funny,’ she said. ‘Because she wants to see you.’

2

We met on the terrace of the Hotel Bebek, early the next evening. Curiosity having proven more powerful than dread. A year or two earlier, I had seen a picture of her in the paper – the Turner Prize in London, or the Something Else in New York or was it Paris (and what a rude shock it had been to scan the caption and see her name – Jeannie Wakefield, of all the people for him to marry, after all he had done, it made no sense!) so I recognised her right away. But it was immediately clear that Jeannie Wakefield knew nothing about me, except that I was my parents’ daughter and a journalist. So I felt I had to say something.

‘You were?’ she said. I could see, from her puzzled frown, that this was news to her. ‘I mean,’ she continued. ‘I hope you don’t mind my asking, because it’s none of my business. But – what sort of friend?’ Before I could answer, the waiter came with our drinks, or a ship went by, or perhaps it was yet another acquaintance waving from the other end of the crowded terrace. Whatever the interruption, it was enough to stop the thought.

How she looked that day: not as beautiful as I’d once imagined, and with her jeans and her T-shirt and her flyaway hair, not the svelte blonde of her photographs. But younger than her age, with solemn blue eyes, an intense gaze and a lop-sided smile that made me regret, if only briefly, any ill will I’d felt towards her. She leaned forward when she spoke, as if we were already best friends. And when I spoke – you’d think I was an oracle. She’d tilt her head and look straight into my eyes, nodding gravely, weighing my every word.

Until I asked after her son, rather too abruptly. Her eyes fell to her hands, as if in shame. As she studied her nails, and the boats in the bay, and the sprig of mint in her gin and tonic, and the napkin she had wound around her finger, I thought how odd it felt, how disturbing and how utterly unsatisfying, to see her suffer.

‘I’m sorry,’ I found the grace to say.

She waved my words away. ‘No, no, please, there’s no need. In fact, this was what I wanted to talk to you about.’

Her little boy’s name was Emre, and she did not know where he was. When they’d arrested his father at JFK, they’d taken Emre into care. Now he was living with some sort of foster family (‘so he’s safe – I don’t know where he is, but thank God, he’s safe.’). There was some hope they might release the boy to a relative. But they were insisting on a US resident, and the only relative who met that requirement was her eighty-year-old aunt. Jeannie was sure she’d find a way around this when she got to the US. It wasn’t as if she didn’t know the ropes. She was a lawyer – a human rights lawyer, no less. But she could do nothing without her US passport, which she had sent in for renewal two months earlier, on the assurance it would take no more than two weeks to be processed. Of course, she’d made enquiries, so now she knew why it was that her application for renewal had gone awry. She was on some kind of list – ‘the same one, I presume, that my husband’s on. So if I go back, with a valid passport or without it, I’ve been led to understand that they’ll arrest me, too.’

Here the waiter interrupted us to ask if there was anything we needed. She looked up at him as if he were offering her a diamond ring on a cushion. How this man must look forward to her visits here (I could not help but think). How obsequious she must look to the fine ladies watching so unsmilingly from the next table. After she had thanked the waiter seven or eight times for the drinks he had yet to bring us, she turned to me with her lopsided smile and said, ‘It’s so very kind of you to see me when your parents must want to spend every second with you, but I can’t tell you how grateful I am. You see, I really do need your help.’

What she wanted, it now emerged (was I surprised? I can’t have been, this happened all the time) was for me to publicise her plight. ‘Children’s rights – that’s one of your areas, isn’t it? That’s why I thought of you. We need someone who understands the issues.’ If I could alert the world to the case, highlighting in particular the outrage they’d perpetrated on a five-year-old boy, and by implication, his parents, she was sure there would be an outcry, and this could only help to expedite her son’s return.

‘As for the rest of it – the charges against my husband are, of course ridiculous. But if you agree to take this on, we’d want you to feel free to conduct your own investigations, and what’s more we’d want to help you. We can open up our office. You can read any document, go through our files, see any film – finished or otherwise. Go through our address books. Speak to our friends. Our enemies, even. We have nothing to hide,’ she said, though I sensed a note of uncertainty in her indignance.

‘Of course,’ she continued, ‘we’ve done some filming near the border with Iraq, and in cities like Diyarbakır. So it’s perfectly possible that some of our subjects had political affiliations we didn’t know about. But if you’ve seen any of our films, you’ll know they don’t engage with politics directly. They’re about people, and the worlds they make. What we try to capture is the interface – what ideas do to people and people to ideas.’

She went on to elaborate – though I have, to my regret, no recollection of what she said. I was too annoyed by her pronouns. ‘We’ she kept saying. Did she have no thoughts of her own? His films were ‘our’ films, and he didn’t have a name. If she referred to Sinan as a separate entity, it was as ‘my husband’. But even at the time, I didn’t think she was doing this on purpose. She didn’t have a clue who I was. She genuinely liked me, and she genuinely believed I liked her back. If there is such a thing as a tragic flaw, Jeannie Wakefield’s would be her reluctance to believe that anyone she liked or trusted might be less than entirely straight with her.

She told me it didn’t matter where I placed this article she hoped I’d write. It could be in the US or it could be in England. ‘That’s where you’re based right now, isn’t it?’ She looked at me hopefully, and my annoyance grew. There is no pleasant way of telling someone why their story might not be of interest to the general public, but in this case – even if she didn’t know who I was – she must, I thought, have some inkling as to what the problem was.

Or did she not know what her husband got up to all those years ago, in the spring of 1971?

‘Look,’ I said, still struggling for a polite way out. ‘I know it sounds terrible, but what you’re asking me to do is, essentially, a human interest story. You want me to write it in such a way that people feel angry on your behalf and want to campaign for you. For that to happen, they have to believe that you and everyone else involved in this case have led blameless lives since they left their cradles. Which means I have to simplify and sentimentalise, pull every heartstring I can find, and since 9/11 and all that, they’re in very short supply. Especially when the story’s set in a predominantly Muslim country.’ I paused, to choose my words. ‘Especially if those involved have pasts that can be used against them.’

‘But…’

‘To be absolutely brutal – you can’t have a record.’

‘But we don’t!’ she said.

I think I just stared at her. What sort of a marriage was it, if this was what Sinan had led her to believe? What sort of lawyer could she be, if she was blind even to the legal facts? A vengeful thought flashed through my mind. If I set her straight, it would serve him right. But there was something in her eyes – the trust, the blind, stubborn trust – that made me want to be a better person.

So I backpeddled. ‘Look,’ I said. ‘There might be some way of placing a story in England. But in the US, which is where you really need the media attention, it won’t be so easy. Turkey is just too far away from them, and too close to Afghanistan and Iraq. There’s zero interest unless it answers one of two questions. “Is the shopping good?” “Does Turkey harbour terrorists?”’

‘There you are then! That’s your peg!’

She did not seem to see me flinch. Or she read nothing into it. Gazing out at the bay, she said, ‘I do understand what you’re saying, you know. They think we’re terrorists, and as long as they do, they’ll also think we’re getting what we deserve. So yes, it’s a challenge. But tell me – isn’t it the sort of challenge that makes your job worthwhile? Cutting through the prejudice…changing readers’ minds…forcing them to look at their blind spots…making the invisible visible…’ That last remark came back to haunt me, after Jeannie Wakefield disappeared.

Right then, all I wanted was some air. So I glanced at my watch, and exclaimed when I saw the time. So desperate was I to rush off that I promised to make some phone calls, just in case – try and drum up some interest, or at least flag the story, with a view to trying again later. I offered to drop by her house in the morning, to let her know how I had got on. ‘Just tell me where you live,’ I said.

‘For the moment,’ she said, ‘I’m still at the Pasha’s Library.’.

In the end we walked up the hill together. I have no recollection of what we said along the way, or why I agreed to go to back with her to the Pasha’s Library right then, or how I managed to breathe after I did. The Pasha’s Library! Of all the places in the city I did not want to revisit, this was the one I was most desperate to avoid. I think I truly hated Sinan at that moment – on her behalf as well as mine. That he would marry this woman and not just not tell her the truth about what he’d done, but move her into that house… But of course – as she reminded me when we reached the green iron gate at Hisar Meydan – she had her own attachments to this place. It was where she’d spent her first year in Istanbul. ‘In ’70-’71. I guess we never met because you’d left by then?’ I managed a nod. ‘You know the house, though,’ she said.

‘Oh, yes, I know the house,’ I said.

‘And my father?’

‘Of course.’

She pushed open the gate and we walked in.

3

The Pasha’s Library (for those of you who have never visited Istanbul) is a 19th century kiosk that hangs like a birdcage over the village of Rumeli Hisar. It is high enough so that you can see the undulations of the Bosphorus almost to the point where they open up to the Black Sea. It was built by a pasha who, after a lifetime of forging links between East and West and squandering his family’s fortune on Parisian women, arrived at a moment when he wanted to escape from the world without losing sight of it. But the view has the opposite effect on most people. They see it through the cypress trees the moment they walk through the garden gate and from that moment on it is as if a rope is pulling them. They stop at the ledge but their eyes keep travelling. They forget why they are there, or what they think about the people they have come to see. When they get around to speaking, it is as if they have just woken up and cannot quite remember their dream.

In May of 1970, I spent seven secret nights here with Sinan. William Wakefield, Jeannie’s father, was away on some kind of business, and Sinan had got the key from my – our – friend Chloe, whose mother was supposed to be watering the plants. When, as the eighth night fell, we’d said our last farewells – in this very garden, on the marble bench next to the ledge – the moon was just sliding up from behind the darkened hills of Asia, and the waters of the Bosphorus looked like molten lava.

Tonight, thirty-four years later, the Bosphorus and the hills of Asia were little more than shadows behind the great glittering arcs of the new suspension bridge. The nightingales had given way to the steady hum of traffic. The great glass porch that surrounded the old library on three sides was ablaze with light, and so, too, were the windows in the raised roof that so affronted me, if only because it did not figure in my memory. But when we went inside, every carpet, every table, every chair seemed the same. We walked through the library, and onto the glass porch. The sky beyond was the same intense blue, until I got too close to the glass, and all I could see was my face.

I turned around. There, on the chaise longue where I’d lost my virginity, was Jeannie’s father. He stood up to greet me. But even as we shook hands, I could feel him reading my mind.

He looked much as I remembered him – tanned, beefy and balding. Relaxed and affable, with bright, beady eyes. ‘Can I fix you a drink?’ he said. ‘You look like you need one. What will you have?’

‘Whatever you’re having.’

‘I don’t think so,’ he said. ‘I had to give up years ago.’ As he moved towards the drinks cabinet – Sinan and I had made good use of that, too, as I recalled – he filled in the blanks. ‘No, I haven’t been here all along, in case you wanted to ask. I went back to the States not long after you did – well, a year after you did, if you want to be precise. In June 1971. Of course, bearing in mind what was happening at the time, I never expected to come back. Then in 2000, I did, but only to see little Emre. Never quite managed to leave, though. Come to my place in Bebek and you’ll see why. The view’s not quite as good as this one here, but…’

He handed me a bourbon and water. ‘That’s your poison, isn’t it?’

‘Is it?’

‘If my memory serves me, it certainly was once. Anyway, it’s good to see you. Of course I feel as if we’ve been in touch all along. I read that book of yours. Congratulations. And of course I see your by-line. Though I haven’t seen as much of you lately. Did you get tired of freelancing? I suppose that university job of yours keeps you pretty busy.’

This was the William Wakefield I remembered. He couldn’t go for two minutes without letting you know how much he knew.

‘Listen, I hope you can help us,’ he now said. ‘God knows we need all the help we can get. You must be asking yourself why. I mean considering I’ve turned myself into some sort of pundit. You’ve seen me, I assume?’

‘I’ve heard you,’ I said. This would have been a year or two earlier, on Radio Four or the World Service, either just before the invasion of Iraq or just afterwards. ‘In fact, I was quite surprised to hear you being so critical of US policy.’

‘Good. That’s what I wanted. As the big guys know, I know whereof I speak. Though of course, I speak only for myself. I’m retired. Retired years ago, in fact. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to be their apologist.’

‘That’s fine by me,’ I said.

‘You grew up abroad. You can see things from the outside. Those rubes in Washington can’t see their own johnsons. If people like me don’t set them straight… So I’ve made myself a few enemies in the upper reaches, as they say. But for crying out loud, where are their hearts? We’re talking about a five-year-old boy here! An innocent five-year-old boy! They’re holding him as insurance. That much is clear.’

‘But Dad, it really isn’t!’ said Jeannie, clasping her hands. ‘We can’t say anything for sure yet. It’s early days.’

Her father paused, to gaze at her with sad affection. ‘Jeannie’s right,’ he said, turning back to me. ‘For the moment, let’s just call it a hunch. But it’s pretty clear that the big guys don’t want to touch this story. Someone’s called them off the scent.’

‘But Dad, that makes no sense,’ Jeannie protested.

Her father sighed. ‘One thing I’ve learned during my long and chequered career. If the play makes no sense, check out the action back stage.’ He leaned way forward, tapping on his water glass. ‘Or more to the point, look at the history. This is not Chapter One. Just look at the cast of characters!’ He paused, ostensibly to smile, but his eyes fixed on mine in a way that made me wonder if he really meant what he had just said, or if he was just testing.

‘Yes,’ he said. ‘It’s a fishy business – I’ll give you that much! It goes way back. We’ve been set up. To put it more succinctly, I’ve been set up. But believe you me…’

Before he could elaborate, a woman called down from upstairs. I recognised her voice at once, though it took me some time to place it. I always have a hard time placing voices and faces when they’re not where I expect them to be, and never in a million years would I have expected to find this woman in this company.

William Wakefield – Jeannie’s father – came to Istanbul in 1966. He worked at the US Consulate. Officially, he was the agricultural attaché, though that didn’t fool anybody. His Turkish was too good, and so were his binoculars. We all knew he was a spy. A rather unusual spy, if truth be told. Or perhaps just an ordinary spy gone native. When he first arrived, he had a wife, who had a daughter by an earlier marriage, and for a while, this girl and I were friends. Whenever I came over to the Pasha’s Library to visit, William Wakefield would be out on this porch, nursing a bourbon and counselling a troubled youth.

Some were Turkish boys whose wealthy parents controlled their every move but spent no time with them. Most were lost Americans – ex-army or ex-peace corps, or kids who’d dropped out of college and set out for India, got as far as Turkey and run out of money. More often than not, William knew the parents. But he did things for them that their parents were never to know about. He’d helped one friend of mine get an abortion. When another friend bought a lump of hash from a police informer, he’d been able to secure her prompt release on the quiet. As fervently as William believed in freedom, he believed himself to be its watchdog. And he was always watching. And what he didn’t know, he guessed.

But by the time I left, in 1970, he was beginning to slip. He was drinking heavily, and stepping out with my soon to be ex-best friend Chloe’s recently divorced mother, and, I suspect, already getting up people’s noses in Washington. They weren’t heeding his advice back then, either. And it can’t have been a good time to be an American spy in Turkey. Though the Turkish state had been (and would continue to be) America’s staunchest Cold War ally, by the end of the 60s, the Turkish people were overwhelmingly against us – because of Cyprus, because of Vietnam, because the 17,000 US troops stationed here, ostensibly to protect them from the Soviet threat, had begun to feel like an occupying army. It was widely believed that the military, the prime minister, and everyone beneath him were US puppets. In the popular imagination, it was CIA pulling their strings.

What William Wakefield’s job actually entailed I do not know. But he made no effort to hide his interest in Robert College. By the late 60s, my parents and most of their colleagues were preoccupied by the same issues that were tearing up college campuses in the US – civil rights, the assassinations, Vietnam, Cambodia. Many had, like my parents, left the US to escape the McCarthy Era. Because they leaned to the left politically and led vaguely bohemian lives, the people at the US Consulate took a dim view of them. We were a hotbed of Communism, they often said. The Soviets must have overheard. Certainly, I remember a string of very friendly men from the Soviet Consulate coming uninvited to my parents’ parties. The only people they befriended were the drunks who saw them as a source of Russian vodka. But William Wakefield, who was a regular at these parties, too, would never fail to take my friends and me aside and warn us not to speak to these men or accept their gifts.

My closest friends at that point were mostly American – and mostly children of my father’s colleagues. But by the late 60s, I had left the international community school and was studying at the American College for Girls, where tuition was in English and all but two of my classmates were Turkish. The boys we knew were mostly from Robert Academy, the boys’ lycée that was our brother school. Or they had already graduated and moved on to Robert College, where the students had themselves drifted steadily leftwards during the 60s, in much the same way as students in Europe and the US, aided and abetted by the handful of young Americans who shared their sentiments. My own political education began with one such teacher – a Miss Broome, from Mount Holyoke, who taught us English. Sinan was a protégé of her lover, a Dutch Harding, who taught mathematics at Robert Academy. His degree was from Columbia, and he was, we were told, a veteran of its famous 1968 strike.

That, in any event, was what Sinan told me during our brief time together.

When I stepped back into the Pasha’s Library late last summer, all I knew about the Trunk Murder was what I’d read in that lurid newspaper clipping that an anonymous ill-wisher had sent to me all those years ago. Which is not as strange as it might sound. In the early 70s, links between Turkey and the outside world were severely limited. The economy was closed to all but essential imports. Foreign travel was unusual for Turkish citizens and difficult to arrange. The phone lines were unreliable, and there was no direct dialling abroad. Letters from America could take up to a month to arrive or longer. All the television and radio stations were owned by the state and expressed its views.

By June 1971, when that lurid clipping reached me, newspapers were subject to censorship just as severe. Because by then the military had stepped in, to clamp down on the leftwing students whose ever more violent riots, pitched battles, bombs and kidnappings had, they said, taken the country to the brink of anarchy. A large part of the intelligentsia (including many friends of my parents) and thousands of students (including many of my father’s former students) were behind bars. This had not, however, stopped the bombs and the kidnappings. From ex-students living in the US, my father heard it rumoured that these incidents were provocations orchestrated by MİT, Turkey’s notorious intelligence service – with the CIA offering a helping hand.

Whatever the truth of the matter, such rumours showed that there was still some public sympathy for the students. This changed abruptly in the first week of June 1971, when a cell led by a student named Mahir Çayan kidnapped the Israeli consul and killed him. It was later rumoured that the cell-member who orchestrated this event was a colonel in the Turkish army – an agent provocateur – though the newspapers of the time made no mention of him. He had, it was alleged, already fled the country when his comrades barricaded themselves into an apartment building on the Asian side of the city, keeping an army officer’s twelve-year-old daughter hostage until the police stormed the apartment, shooting to kill. This was one of two scandals that turned the public against the student left. The other, which came less than a week later, was the so-called Trunk Murder.

The story as I had it from the lurid newspaper cutting went like this: a Maoist cell consisting of the sons and daughters of some of Turkey’s leading diplomats and industrialists had befriended one Jeannie Wakefield, the daughter of a US consular official, poisoning her mind and drawing her, perhaps unknowingly, into a plot against her father. All members of the cell were taken into custody after a bomb planted in the consular car left only his Turkish chauffeur in critical condition. However, they were later released. (It was implied that this was due to parental pressure.)

The following day, the cell decamped to the ‘garçonniere’ in the village of Rumeli Hisar that doubled as their secret hideaway. Shaken by the discovery that the authorities were fully acquainted with every aspect of their illegal activities, they became convinced that one of their number must be an informer. Having subjected the accused to a kangaroo trial and found him guilty, they had killed him, chopped him up, and put him into a trunk.

The victim was their teacher and political mentor, Dutch Harding.

The boys in the group had vanished after the murder, leaving it to the girls to dispose of the body. But while they were dragging the trunk from a taxi onto a private yacht that belonged to one of their parents, the driver noticed a trail of blood, and duly informed the authorities. The girls were then taken in for questioning. One had fallen out of a fourth floor window and nearly died.

Running across the top of the lurid newspaper article were the culprits’ lycée graduation photographs. With their black robes and mortarboards, they looked at first to be members of the same studious family. Or perhaps it was shock that had kept me from recognising them right away.

Because the boys were Sinan and his best friend Haluk. The girls were my ex-best friend, Chloe Cabot, and two Turkish classmates of ours from the Girls’ College, also former friends about whom I had very mixed feelings. Their names were Lüset and Suna. Suna was the one who had fallen out of the fourth floor window during interrogation. It was Suna I had heard calling down the stairs.

Perhaps everyone carries around a story like this – an unimaginable horror, visited upon a childhood friend, or the boy next door, or the girl you haven’t seen since she sat between you and the window in second grade. When you knew them, they were ordinary in every way. As deeply as you bore into your memory, as mercilessly as you dredge it, you can find no sign that marked them for their fate. But you need to find it – it must be there – it must have happened for a reason, because it if didn’t, it could also have happened to you. So if you can’t find the answer in the past, then you must at least try and conjure up the scene of the crime, make some sense of it – understand, at the very least, how A led to B.

For years, I’d tried. Lost years of sleep, struggling to force the facts I had – the facts I thought I had – into a shape that made sense. But I never got very far. I could imagine Sinan with another girl, a girl like me, but more innocent. I could see them arm in arm at the Pasha’s Library, breaking my heart as they watched the moon rise over the Bosphorus, on the marble bench at the edge of the secret garden. I could see Jeannie’s father, standing on the glass porch, affably clocking them. And if I gazed over the ledge into the village of Rumeli Hisar, I could see the garçonniere: the glasses piled up in the sink, and the shoes and socks strewn across the floor, and the never-washed sheets. I could imagine my lost friends at the table, reading coffee grounds, pretending to believe the outrageous fortunes they found in them, but laughing all the while. I could imagine Suna tapping Sinan’s coffee cup and saying, ‘So this spy who’s betrayed us. What are we to do with him?’ But no matter how hard I tried, I could not imagine what Sinan might have said in reply. A curtain descended, and my mind went black.

From time to time, a scene would drift in from the shadows. Always the same cast of characters, and always in the garçonniere – but arranged into a new formation. Sometimes Suna had the gun, sometimes it was Chloe or the cipher who had replaced me. Sometimes Jeannie Wakefield was an innocent bystander, and sometimes she was the accuser. Sometimes she was facing an armchair whose occupant I couldn’t see, and sometimes she was standing over the body lying face down on the floor. Sometimes it was Sinan standing over the mentor who had betrayed him, and sometimes it was Haluk. Sometimes it wasn’t a gun in his hand, but the hatchet I could never bring myself to believe he’d used to chop Dutch Harding’s body into pieces. No matter how I arranged the scene, it refused to stay in place. There were too many variables, and too few facts. There had been a murder. I seemed to know almost everyone implicated in it. But I did not know which one was the killer. And neither could I understand what might have driven him or her to kill the softspoken, bookish, arrogantly inert Dutch Harding.

I just couldn’t see him as an agent provocateur.

But I could see the girls, abandoned, and left to clear away the evidence, lugging the trunk down the stairwell, across the cobblestones to the waiting taxi. Their hearts stopping when the taxi driver threw it into the trunk and cried, ‘What do you have in there, a body?’ Their hearts stopping again as they paid him off in front of Lüset’s father’s yacht, and as they dragged the trunk up over the curb, and looked behind to see a trail of blood.

Suna, in the interrogation room. On the window ledge, dangling her legs. In the shadows behind her, the shape of a man. In the street below, Sinan, saying nothing, but pleading with his eyes. What did he want her to do? Go back into the room or jump?

Things he’d said during our seven-night tryst came floating back to me. Things that, under other circumstances, would have meant nothing. I’d be sitting in a lecture hall at Wellesley, jotting down notes about Savanarola – or in the dining hall, at the salad bar – and I’d see him on the chaise longue, smiling his sulky smile, stroking my arm, bringing my hand to his lips, to kiss each finger, one by one.

‘You’re bad. As bad as I am, aren’t you?’

‘You’re like me, you don’t know when to stop.’

‘How far are you willing to go with me? No – how far will you follow?’

‘You want to know what I did last night? I learned how to make a Molotov Cocktail… You don’t believe me? Fine, it’s settled. Next time you’re coming too…’

‘What? I don’t think so. You are coming because I say you’re coming!’

‘I’m a bloodthirsty Turk, after all. Can’t you see the knife between my lips?’

If I’d stayed – if he’d kept his promise – if we’d kept to our plan – would he have pulled me into this cell of his, and this murder? Had he tried, would I have the sense to pull away from him, or would I have melted at the sight of him, as I had done a thousand times over, each and every one of the seven secret nights we’d spent together? If there was such a thing as a point of no return, would I have recognised it – or sailed along regardless like the rest of them? I needed to believe that I was made of different stuff than they were. But I knew I wasn’t. It could have been me in that room, if I’d stayed, if he’d kept his promise. I’d been spared only because he’d fallen out of love with me – if he’d ever been in love with me – and chosen someone else. Did that mean I had no part in it? For I had wished them to hell. And my dream had come true.

Six months after the murder, in December 1971 when I was a sophomore at Wellesley, I ran into Chloe Cabot, my ex-best friend, in Harvard Square. (And yes – you may have guessed this already. Our final disagreement had been about Sinan. Though they’d been only friends, they’d been close friends. Though she’d had no real reason to feel jealous, she’d acted as if I’d stolen him away.) This chance meeting in Harvard Square was the first I knew Chloe was not languishing in a jail in Turkey. For someone who’d been involved in a murder, she was disturbingly offhand.

She had just started at Radcliffe, she told me. She hated it, of course. She didn’t think she’d last. Our short and stilted conversation tapered into a silence: this would, I knew, be my only chance to ask her what had really happened. But as I searched for the right words, a wave of terror passed through me. I was afraid, I suppose, that she might tell me the truth.

Later that winter, in a burst of belated courage, I did make an effort to track her down, only to be told that she had taken a leave of absence.

The following summer – this would have been June, 1972 – I was helping a friend paint a room in a house on Cape Cod when my eyes happened to fall on the sheet of newsprint we were using for our brushes. It was a front page from one of Boston’s underground papers, and at the bottom was a little black box in which it was stated that on June the whatever the paper had run a story about a murder, allegedly involving a CIA operative then stationed in Istanbul, Turkey. Because the author, Jeannie Wakefield, was personally acquainted with all involved, the editors had been less than diligent in checking her facts. As it had since emerged that her story was false in just about every particular, the editors, along with the author, wished to offer their most sincere apologies, and their most sincere thanks to the Turkish Ambassador, who had kindly offered to furnish the full facts of the case in a later issue. I forgot to keep my surprise to myself – of all the places to see this story, and this name! It was my friend who, eager to know more about this murky tale, got straight on the phone to the underground newspaper. But for the obvious legal reasons, and to my huge relief, they refused to send her the issue with Jeannie’s original article. So once again, it was out of my hands. From time to time, late at night, when I couldn’t sleep, I would regret having made no second effort. But never for long.

I had the sense, at least, to recognise that the real problem was in my mind, that, strictly speaking, the Trunk Murder had nothing to do with me, that any new facts I gleaned were unlikely to explain to me why I felt as if it did. Slowly, I weaned myself off it. If my thoughts returned regardless, I learned not to play along. No more rearrangements of the cast at the scene of the crime, no more long nights lolling on the window ledge, staring into the abyss. Though the scenes still came back to me, they were less and less frequent. Slowly the life drained out of them, until no one spoke, and no one moved, and nothing in the shadows or the street below disturbed or even interested me.

Much later, when my parents were back in Istanbul, I did hear passing references from time to time – enough to know that Sinan (who had spent many years in Denmark) worked in films, that his old friend Haluk (who had spent many years in England and was now back in the bosom of his industrialist family) was rumoured to be Sinan’s chief backer, that Suna (who, like her friend Lüset, had been released from prison in the mid-70s) was now in the sociology department at the university, and that Chloe, (who had returned to Istanbul in the late 80s) had been blissfully married to a plastic surgeon until he died of leukaemia. I felt no urge, and made no effort, to get back into touch.

4

But now here they were, in the Pasha’s Library, the entire cast minus Sinan. Bustling about the great new loft that they’d turned into some sort of incident room. At first they didn’t see me. And, in a sense, neither could I see them. I am wondering if it’s even possible to explain how I felt at that moment – what thoughts crossed my mind as I stood there, contemplating the path not taken.

I noticed first of all how gracefully they occupied it. Four shapes, huddled around a desk, a screen, a pool of lamplight. Heads and shoulders rising and falling to the rhythm of their whispers. Their every gesture speaking of the years I had not shared with them.

They were reading some sort of massive document. From the limpness of the paper, I guessed it was a fax. It was Chloe I could see most clearly, though at first I knew her only from the way she licked her finger as she leafed through the papers on her lap. And her feet – even after all these years, she still turned them in. But there was no other sign of the awkward teenager I had once known. The bulges and blemishes had been airbrushed away. Now she was all angles and gold bracelets and linen cut on the bias. No sign of a curl, even, in her sleek and backcombed copper hair. She had the ‘careless poise’ I remembered our discussing in the abstract with some passion at restaurant tables all over the Mediterranean, as our parents drank and we designed outfits and ‘accoutrements’ for the ideal woman.

I remembered in particular an argument we’d had about engagement rings when I was twelve and she was eleven. Chloe’s was to be the ‘second largest emerald in the world.’ When I asked what she’d do if the love of her life turned up with a diamond, she’d said, ‘Well, obviously. I’d have to say no.’ As her hand flitted to her lips, a flash of green told me she had not been disappointed.

The gentle, bearlike creature sitting next to her – could it really be Haluk, the Playboy of the Eastern World? This man seemed too comfortable inside his skin to have been the restive boy I could still see smiling so blandly as his foot tapped the accelerator. Only when he turned to comfort the woman sitting next to him did I catch a glimpse of…