Fantasy sex. Add another dimension! E-Book

Emily Dubberley

• Herausgeber: Parkstone International
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2021

Seitenzahl: 196

Beschreibung

Fantasy Mask for Her. Step up the excitement! Bow Tie for Him. For the well-dressed willie! Twelve Dare-you Fantasy Cards. Spontaneous surprises galore! Simple starters, role-play, extras and fetish fun! Share your fantasies with your partner and your lovemaking enjoyment will soar. Try these tips and games at four different levels. Start gently and end up wild! 40 tips and creative games. Fun activities to improve your relationship.

Leseprobe

Emily Dubberley

FANTASY

SEX

ADD ANOTHER DIMENSION!

The author or publisher cannot be held responsible for the information (formulas, recipes, techniques, etc.) contained in the text, even though the utmost care has been taken in the writing of this work. In the case of specific - often unique - problems of each particular reader, it is advisable to consult a qualified person to obtain the most complete, accurate and up-to-date information possible. EDITORIAL DE VECCHI, S. A. U.

© Editorial De Vecchi, S. A. 2021

© [2021] Confidential Concepts International Ltd., Ireland

Subsidiary company of Confidential Concepts Inc, USA

ISBN: 978-1-64699-969-9

The current Penal Code provides: “Anyone who, for profit and to the detriment of a third party, reproduces, plagiarizes, distributes or publicly communicates, in whole or in part, a literary, artistic or scientific work, or its transformation, interpretation or artistic performance fixed in any medium or communicated by any means, without the authorization of the holders of the corresponding intellectual property rights or their assigns, shall be liable to imprisonment for a term of six months to two years or a fine of six to twenty-four months. The same penalty shall be imposed on anyone who intentionally imports, exports or stores copies of such works or productions or performances without the said authorization. (Article 270)

Contents

Introduction

SimpleStarters

Role-play

Extras

FetishFun

Resources

About the author

Acknowledgements

Introduction

u

The silver bikini clung to my curves as I walked out of the sea, drawing the attention of a lone man standing on the beach. Buff, toned and tanned, his eyes followed me as I leaned forward to dry my hair. I knew that he’d be able to see down my bikini top, but that was my plan. Within moments, the handsome stranger was by my side.

‘Drink?’ he asked, proffering a bottle of water in my direction.

‘Thanks,’ I said, and seductively slipped it between my lips, taking a big gulp and letting some of the water splash down my front. His eyes followed the water droplet that ran down my cleavage.

‘There’s a fresh water lagoon over there, if you fancy washing the salt out of your hair.’

‘Sounds divine.’

I followed him towards the clearing and watched him slip off his sexily tattered jeans to reveal … absolutely nothing. Or, to be more accurate, something rather big.

‘Skinny dipping is the only way to enjoy swimming here,’ he said.

‘Couldn’t agree more.’

I stripped off my bikini and lazily dived into the lagoon. He followed suit, surfacing next to me and pulling me into his arms in a long kiss. Although I’d never met the man before, I suspected that we wouldn’t be strangers for long … Then the bus pulled up at my stop andmy daydreaming ended abruptly.

What is Fantasy?

Sexual imagination is a wonderful thing. You can let your mind create different places, personas and people without leaving the comfort of your own bed (or, indeed, the bus – although you might end up missing your stop!). You can use it alone or with a partner, for self-indulgence or for foreplay. Sexual fantasy is, in fact, one of the best ways to enhance your sex life, requiring nothing more than your mind. Of course, props and costumes can add to the experience, but you don’t need to spend any money in order to indulge your fantasies to the full.

The brain is the most important sex organ in the body, so ensuring that it’s properly stimulated can have an intense effect on the way that your body responds. Given this, playing with fantasy is one of the best ways to enhance your sex life, no matter how ‘mild’ or ‘wild’ you consider yourself to be.

Fantasy is perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of. Both men and women fantasize, sometimes during masturbation, sometimes during sex and sometimes just as a way to while away a dull Sunday afternoon. Sometimes it’s about things that they’ve already done, but just as often it’s about something they wouldn’t do in their wildest dreams. Just because someone has a sexual fantasy, it doesn’t necessarily follow that they want it to come true. Fantasies can be just as powerful – if not more so – when kept purely in your mind, or shared with a lover.

That said, sometimes it can be fun to make your fantasies come true. Whether you start slowly by merely talking about your fantasy during sex, or dive right in with outfits, role-play scenarios and props, is up to you. However, unless your partner shares your fantasy to the letter, it does make sense to start gently and work your way up. Good things come to those who wait, after all.

Some people claim that they never have sexual fantasies. While this may be true, it’s a lot more likely that they simply haven’t explored that side of themselves before. Fantasy Sex will help guide you on that journey, by providing you with common fantasies, case studies from people who’ve made their fantasies come true, and suggestions as to where to find inspiration. A fantasy doesn’t have to be elaborate: it could be as simple as making love to your partner while they’re wearing sexy lingerie, or caressing your partner under the dinner table when you’re at a restaurant. Alternatively, it could also involve a cast of thousands and things that you’re not entirely sure are physically possible! Only by opening your mind will you find out what’s in there.

Some people are scared at the idea of exploring fantasy for exactly this reason. However, fantasy and reality are not the same thing. Even if your erotic imagi-nation is full of dark thoughts that you’d never really want to experience, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Taboo ideas often have the strongest appeal precisely because they’re forbidden. Most people have some thoughts that they’d prefer to keep private because they’re ashamed of them. While there’s no reason to feel guilty about any thoughts you have, you may wish to save sharing your more extreme fantasies with a partner until you’ve both spent a while exploring the tamer side of your fantasies – if at all. Who knows: by the time you decide that you’re ready to let your kinkier fantasies out, your partner may confess to having exactly the same desires.

Play the Games

Although this book can be read purely to learn more about fantasy, it’s a lot more fun if you play the fantasy sex games as you go along. All of them are designed to help you feel more comfortable about your fantasies, learn more about your erotic imagination and share your secret sensuality with your partner.

As such, before you start using Fantasy Sex, you need to choose the right person to play with. While the games can be played with anyone you’re happy to share sexual intimacy with, they’re best played with a partner who you know well, as sharing fantasies does require an element of trust. You need to be sure that you can trust them to keep your fantasies private, and that they respect you enough to respond to your confessions in the right way and have enough affection for you to see sharing fantasies as a bonding experience.

The games are organized into four sections that take you through Simple Starters to Role-play, and then on to fantasies about multiple partners, Extras, finally leading to Fetish Fun. Each game is prefaced by fantasy tips that will help you play to the fullest extent. Each of the four sections also includes mini erotic stories – Sharing Fantasies – that can be read alone or with a partner, for education or as foreplay. After all, what could be better than reading your lover an erotic story and using it as inspiration for your own activities? And finally, the Confessions are exactly what you would expect: real-life accounts of couples’ own fantasy experiences, which you may care to compare with your own!

All the games can be played at any time. Why not set the alarm early and have a quick fantasy session before work, or set aside a whole evening especially for game-playing? You could even meet up for lunchtime naughtiness, having packed Fantasy Sex in your bag before you go to work. If you’re short on time, simply pick one of the Fantasy Sex Cards included in the box, and let fate decide what you get up to …

If you get to a game that either of you feels uncomfortable about, either amend it so that it’s something you’re both happy to play, or skip to the next game. Fantasy Sex is about helping you uncover and share your desires with your lover, not about doing things that you don’t want to do. Don’t rule out games without careful consideration first, though: pushing your limits a little is a good way to help yourself evolve sexually.

Staying Safe

As the games involve sexual intimacy, it’s important to make sure that you practise safer sex. This means using a condom for penetrative sex and fellatio, and latex dams for cunnilingus, unless you’ve both been tested for STIs and are in a monogamous relationship. From a more romantic point of view, it’s also nice if you share a sensual bath together before you start playing, so that your body is as ready for exploration as your mind. Relaxing each other with a sensual massage will also help set the mood.

Comfort Zones

Some of the games involve exchanges of power, submission, domination or bondage. Only play them if you feel comfortable with the idea: you don’t have to try everything that’s suggested in the game, but merely the ideas that turn you both on. Should you decide that you do want to play these games, make sure you have a ‘safe word’ in place before you start. This is a word that you wouldn’t usually use in sex play, which instantly brings a halt to proceedings. Lots of couples use the traffic light system, in which red means ‘stop right now’, amber means ‘tone things down’ and green means ‘carry on as you were’. The word you use doesn’t matter, as long as you both take it seriously and stop whatever you’re doing the second the safe word is uttered.

Similarly, although all the games are designed for only two players, some of them do entail sharing fantasies about other people, be it multiple partners or dabbling with someone of the same gender. If this is something that’s beyond your comfort zone or is liable to trigger jealousy for one or both of you, skip that section. Fantasy Sex is about enhancing intimacy rather than encouraging conflict. Everyone has different comfort levels and there’s nothing wrong with you if your fantasies revolve around little more than making love with your partner in an unusual location – any more than there’s anything wrong with you if you fantasize about being a different gender, or the centre of attention in a mass orgy.

Use this book as a way to tap into your deepest desires and learn more about your lover. Your fantasies evolve as you do, so treat this as simply the introduction to a whole new level of intimacy. Set your mind free and your body will follow …

Simple Starters

Here are some mild fantasy sex tips and games, to help you ease into things with your partner.

Solo Fantasy Play

Some people have a complex fantasy life, and can be inspired by anything from the way that a partner looks in a certain outfit to the way that a bead of water runs down the side of a glass. Others have a certain set of fantasies along a single theme, and tend to let their erotic imagination focus purely on these. And then there are people who have no fantasies at all – or at least think that they don’t. This is where erotic inspiration can come in useful.

Different people respond to different stimuli, so it’s possible to find fantasies in almost anything. Some of the most common sources are listed below.

Erotic Imagery

This can range from sensual artistic nudes to hard-core pornography, and everything else in between. You may find that visiting an art gallery, a sex shop or both helps you find something that hits the spot.

Although men are stereotypically thought to be more visually aroused than women, studies have found that women have a similar level of physical response to erotic images: they just say that they don’t feel as aroused. This may well be the case – women’s sexuality is complex, after all – or it could be that the women who were interviewed in the studies felt embarrassed to admit to their desires. It could even be that the quality of men in the erotic images wasn’t up to the same standard as the quality of the women (though even heterosexual women have been found to get aroused at images of naked women).

No matter what the reason, and regardless of gender, you may well find that sexy pictures help to get your erotic juices flowing.

Erotic Books

With everything from classic erotica authors like Anaïs Nin and Pauline Réage, to modern-day ‘bonkbusters’ and hard-core erotic fiction to choose from, the chances are there will be something out there to float your boat. Some books focus on one particular fantasy or fetish, while others contain only a couple of sex scenes – or cover a multitude of ‘sins’. If you’re not sure which to go for, buy an anthology of erotic short stories and see which style of story you most enjoy.

In some countries you can also get books that can be specifically tailored to you and your partner, including things like your pet names for each other, favourite sex practices and dream date locations. This can be a romantic and sexy gift for a partner, if you’re looking at introducing fantasy into your sex life. And if they’re not available anywhere near you, why not write your own erotic story for your lover, in which they’re the star?

Adult Films

Once seen as the domain of ‘dirty old men’ in raincoats, nowadays adult films have come a long way. There are more and more female porn directors to choose from, as well as numerous people making films that are deliberately designed for women and couples. Again, the scope is immensely broad: from Hollywood ‘perfection’ to the girl (and guy) next door, any fantasy you can imagine has probably already been committed to film. You can even stream adult films over the internet, so you don’t need to pluck up the courage to visit a sex shop to explore your desires.

Erotic Audio

Although you’re unlikely to find much erotic inspiration on the radio, an increasing number of companies are now offering erotic short stories and novellas on CD. And don’t underestimate the power of music, either. Shakespeare didn’t refer to it as the food of love for nothing. A classical concerto may plunge you into an erotic reverie, as you imagine yourself as the lady of the manor being wooed by a handsome gardener, while a graphic rap track might give you specific fantasy material to absorb. Listen to song lyrics and you’ll be surprised (or maybe not!) at how much smut there is out there …

Internet

Of course, all of the above are available online in abundance. From amateur and professional adult films to erotic short story archives and ‘audi-oh’ books to download and listen to on your iPod, if you can’t find it on the internet, it probably doesn’t exist. In addition, there are hundreds of websites selling role-play outfits and props to help you enhance your fantasy, and even companies that help you make your fantasies come true.

Your Partner

Then, of course, there’s the most important resource you have, other than your own mind: your partner. Talking to your partner about the sexual imagery that turns them on may well feed into your own imagi-nation, particularly if you can see that your partner is getting aroused by talking about it. Spending an evening exchanging fantasies with a lover can be one of the hottest ways to get to know them better, not to mention a fantastic form of foreplay.

And, the more sexually charged you feel, the more likely you are to fantasize. Keep your libido in top form and vivid fantasies are likely to follow, so make sure you have a healthy diet, get regular exercise, avoid excess drink and drugs, have regular sleep patterns and avoid stress, or at least practise stress-management techniques, such as yoga. It may sound boring, but if you look after your body, it will look after you.

It may be that you find stimulation for your fantasies in a different way to your partner. If so, don’t worry about it. People’s sexuality works in different ways – there’s no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to get inspired. Just relax and enjoy the fact that you’re both feeding your sensual side.

TALK TO ME

Once you’ve got your erotic imagination going, the fun really starts. You can either indulge in self-pleasure, letting your imagination enhance the experience, or share your fantasy with your partner to help you bond with them – and to double up as a sensational form of foreplay. Don’t just dive straight in with your wildest fantasy, though. Everyone’s fantasies are different, and you may find that your partner is intimidated by the deepest, darkest daydreams that lurk in your mind. Instead, pick one of your mildest fantasies and test the water with that one. For example, if you fantasize about submission, tell your partner that you love the idea of them holding you down while you make love, rather than going straight into an elaborate scenario involving chains, manacles and masks!

There are numerous ways to share your fantasies. You can whisper saucy nothings in your partner’s ear during foreplay or sex; you can have a mutual ‘confession session’ and trade fantasies with each other; or you can write your fantasy down as a naughty love letter and slip it into your partner’s pocket before they go to work, to give them a sensual surprise later on. You can send your lover a series of salacious text messages, getting ever more kinky, indulge in a smutty phone call or send a raunchy email (though be careful to check first that they won’t get sacked if their boss discovers it!).

If that’s too brazen for you, or you fear that your partner may react badly to your fantasies, you may want to put some distance between yourself and your fantasy until you know that it’s something they’ll feel comfortable with. Try telling your partner that you read an article about a particular fantasy, and asking them what they think about it. If they hate the idea, you can always say, ‘Me too,’ and keep your fantasy to yourself. Telling a partner that ‘a friend’ mentioned a fantasy offers a similar distancing mechanism, but could backfire if your other half asks them about it the next time they meet (or, worse, gets jealous about you talking so intimately with a friend).

Alternatively, you could read your lover an erotic bedtime story picked ‘at random’ from an anthology, and test their reaction that way. While there’s no such thing as a ‘bad’ fantasy, you may feel more comfortable knowing that your partner shares a turn-on with you before you go ahead and admit to it.

Similarly, if your partner decides to share their fantasy with you, make sure you react in the right way. Don’t meet their admission with disgust, laughter or some kind of negative judgement such as, ‘That’s perverted!’ Instead, listen to what they’ve got to say and ask them questions that will help you understand their fantasy better. Is it a fantasy they’ve always had or was it inspired by anything in particular? Would they like it to come true or is it something that they’d prefer to keep in their imagination? Are there any words that they find especially arousing when talking dirty about the fantasy?

While you should never feel under pressure to do anything sexual you don’t want to, it’s also important to understand that sharing fantasies is an incredibly brave thing to do, and you should value your partner for trusting you enough to do it.

u  Do  u

4Share some of your fantasies with your partner and encourage them to do the same with you.

4Ask your partner to take things slowly if they start to share a fantasy that you don’t feel comfortable with.

4Keep an open mind. Just because a fantasy does nothing for you, it doesn’t make it ‘wrong’.

4Listen to your partner without interruptions – unless, of course, you get aroused at what they’re saying and feel a need to ravage them!

4Hold your partner once they’ve shared their fantasy with you, so that they know you’re not rejecting them.

u  Don’t u

7Respond with disgust or name-calling if your partner shares something that you don’t find a turn-on.

7Laugh at your partner for telling you their fantasy – or, worse, tell their friends.

7Think that you have to live out every fantasy that you or your partner has. Some things are best kept in the mind.

7Feel obliged to share every single fantasy you have. There’s nothing wrong with keeping some erotic daydreams to yourself.

7Mention fantasies that you have about your partner’s friends or family. It will only lead to jealousy.

By asking questions you’ll gain a greater understanding, and who knows – once you understand the psychology behind a lover’s fantasy, you may even find that it becomes a turn-on for you, too. After all, seeing a partner in a state of extreme arousal is a sexy thing, and getting the mind involved is a key to unlocking hitherto unknown levels of pleasure.

If you do find your lover’s fantasies a turn-on, make sure you tell them. It’s a great ‘reward’ for their honesty, not to mention a wonderful starting point for a night of passion. If, however, their fantasies don’t do it for you, be honest without being judgemental. Are there are any aspects of the fantasy you might be able to find a turn-on if they were phrased in a different way? You may end up finding some common ground that can enhance your sex life together. Imagine the way you’d want your partner to react if you shared your fantasy with them. Act in the same way, and you won’t go far wrong.

Top Female Fantasies

Although everyone’s fantasies are different, there are certain common themes that crop up again and again. Women, in particular, often feel embarrassed about sharing their fantasies, so an awareness that other people find similar ideas sexy can be reassuring. Let’s take a look at some of the most common female sex fantasies.

Submission

Many women are still brought up to believe that desiring sex is ‘unladylike’. It’s hardly surprising, therefore, that so many women fantasize about being submissive. Whether it’s being roughly ‘taken’ by the lord of the manor, tied up and punished by a mysterious stranger or dragged into an alleyway by a lover and being forced to acquiesce to his desires, submissive fantasies allow women to relinquish any guilt they may have about enjoying sex. They’re only doing it because they ‘have to’, after all.