From Survivin' to Thrivin' E-Book

Dawn Adjei

• Herausgeber: Spines
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024

Beschreibung

This transformative guide offers readers a journey of resilience and self-discovery, particularly uplifting African American women. It provides a sanctuary of stories, strategies, and insights into the art of self-care and empowerment. It invites women of color to reclaim their essence, navigate life’s challenges with grace, and embrace healing, growth, and self-acceptance on their odyssey toward a fulfilling existence.

Leseprobe

Dawn Adjei

From Survivin’ to Thrivin’

All rights reserved

Copyright © 2024 by Dawn Adjei

No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Published by Spines

ISBN: 979-8-89569-019-2

FROM SURVIVIN’ TO THRIVIN’

A JOURNEY OF HEALING FOR AFRICA-AMERICAN WOMEN

DAWN ADJEI

CONTENTS

Fast Forward

Introduction

1. Breaking the Cycle: Sheila’s Path from Pain to Power

Survival Mode

The Myth of the Strong Black Woman

Let's talk about representation—or lack thereof.

2. The Parable of Ama and the Healing Fruit

Tend To Your Own Garden

Make a Commitment to Yourself

Set Boundaries

Practicing Mindfulness

Invest in Positive Relationships: Your Circle Matters

Love Yourself: Indulge in Self-Compassion

Embrace Pleasure

Honor Your Temple

Become Your Best Self

Seek Support

3. From Likes to Liberation: Raquel's Path to Authentic Living

Coping in Survival Mode

Blame it On Alcohol

Tips to help you curb the alcohol

Under The Counter Drugs

The Lowdown on Mary Jane

The Weight of Being Overweight in Survival Mode

Tips for Overcoming Junk Food Addiction

Gambling

Sexual Escapades

Binge-Watching TV/Video Games

Gossip/ Putting Others Down

4. Jasmine's True Makeover: From Makeup to Meaning

You Gotta Feel it to Heal it

The Room

Pulling Pain Up From The Roots: Healing Your Inner Child

The Lies We've Been Told

Journal Prompts for Healing

Embracing Our Inner Child: A Meditation for Healing

5. Everybody’s Eva

Express YourSelf: Acknowledging Your Feelings

Rooted in Reflection: A Guided Meditation

Hell Hath No Fury: Harnessing and Healing Black Our Rage

It’sReallyHard to Say Goodbye: Embracing the Passage of Grief

Soulful Healing: A Meditation for African American Women Embracing Grief

The Superpower of Forgiveness

Pages of Release: Journaling for Forgiveness

Healing the Soul: A Meditation for Forgiveness

Thriving in Your Pain

Peace in the Shadows Meditation

6. Finding Self in Solitude: Ena's Journey of Discovery

Solo Season

The Perks of Rolling Solo

It’s Just a Season

Level Up on You

7. From Pain to Purpose: My Personal Journey to Inner Peace"

Finding Meaning in Your Pain

Finding Meaning in Your Pain Meditation

Support Groups: Finding Strength in Community

8. Spiritual Sores: Ronnie’s Path to Discovering Faith

Divine Direction: Harnessing Faith for Inner Strength

Soulful Connection Meditation

9. Sista to Sista: Patricia's Path to Unity"

Sista Circle: Embracing Sisterhood

Celebrating Our Unique Beauty

The Poison of Gossip

10. Love's Liberation: Tanya's Path from Heartache to Healing

Opening Your Heart To Receive Love

11. Carrie's Cupid: From Doubt to Discovery

Reclaiming Your Self-Worth

Don’t Settle, Sis

Exercise: Refuse to Settle the Checklist

Embracing Self-Love

Take Pride in Your Appearance

Practice Self-Compassion

Healing Trauma

Black Femininity

Meeting Your Match: Tips for Attracting a Partner

Navigating Black Love

Open Communication

12. Nursing Naomi: Naomi’s Journey to Healing from Within

Survival Mode and African American Women's Health

The Stress Factor

Solutions for Stress Management

Solutions for Better Sleep

The Impact on Mental Health

Solutions for Supporting Your Mental Health

Empowering African American Women in Healthcare

Breaking the Cycle

13. Nicole's Nickels: Breaking the Chains of Financial Struggle

All About The Benjamins; Money Management in Survival Mode

Money Mindset Makeover

Teaching Our Daughters How to Thrive

Allowing Her to Feel Her Feelings

Model Vulnerability

14. Teaching Others to Thrive

Encouraging Others To Thrive

FAST FORWARD

To the women across every nation,

This book is a tribute to your strength and resilience. Though it is specifically addressed to women of color, who statistically suffer more from the effects of survival mode and are less likely to seek therapy, perpetuating a cycle of unhealed wounds—it is a call to ALL women trapped in survival mode. To the women who tirelessly give themselves to others and, in the process, have strayed from their own paths; to the women who are at their wits' end, feeling the weight of the world yet knowing deep down there is more to life; to every woman who needs to rediscover her essence.

This book, From Survivin’ to Thrivin’: A Journey of Healing for African American Women, was inspired by my own journey and written for my three African American daughters who are growing up in a world that often overlooks their need for nurturing and healing. It is for my nieces and my adopted daughters around the world, and for every woman who finds herself prioritizing everyone else’s needs above her own.

Within these pages, you will find stories of transformation, practical advice, and affirmations that encourage you to take the first step toward healing and reclaiming your joy. It's crafted for those who have nurtured everyone else but forgotten to nurture themselves.

To every woman reading this: you are not alone in your journey. May this book serve as a reminder to stop and listen to whispers from your heart, recognizing that your needs are valid. Healing is not merely an option—it is essential, and it is an act of profound self-care. As you turn these pages, allow yourself to embrace both the vulnerability and strength that comes with healing. It's time to shift from merely surviving to truly thriving. Welcome to your journey of healing, where caring for yourself becomes your most sacred duty.

INTRODUCTION

For years, we've been labeled “Strong,” and we wear the title like a crown, proudly passing this message through our generations. We take pride in being the superwoman who can handle anything thrown her way without breaking a sweat. But let’s be honest ladies—it’s a heavy load to carry, and it’s high time we unpack what this really means for us. As we push through our pain, shrug off stress, and keep moving because that’s what we’re taught to do, we have to ask ourselves—at what cost? It’s no secret that all this "pushing through" is breaking us down—body and soul. From heart issues to health issues, our bodies are screaming at us to take a break, but we’re too busy holding everything down.

Consider the number of us raising kids, or supporting families all on our own—it’s tough admitting that we want someone by our side, but hey, there’s no shame in wanting love, in wanting someone to share the load. This whole idea that we don't need anyone? It’s time to let that go. The weight of being both caretaker and breadwinner is no joke. Society expects us to be all and do all. But here we are, pulling double, sometimes triple shifts just to keep everything afloat. And still, it feels like there’s never enough.

I’ve had heart-to-hearts with many of you, in my office, on Zoom, in supermarkets, and in laundry rooms. Through whispers, shouts, tears, and laughter, you’ve shared your stories. We’re tired. Tired of being tired. Desperate for a break, for a breath, for a chance to just be, finally saying out loud what we’ve been holding in for too long. We deserve to rest. We deserve to experience true love and the fullness of life—it’s our birthright. This book is here to say 'enough'. Enough surviving, let's start thriving. It’s about finding our joy, easing our loads, and healing our hearts.

I wrote this book for me, to navigate the shadows where I still wrestle with survival. For my mother and grandmother, who were never afforded a moment to pause and sense the pulse of their own hearts. For my auntie, for my cousins, for the neighbors and friends, and for every woman on the brink of letting out that long-held breath. As a therapist dedicated to the healing of all women, it's about time we take care of ourselves. We’re going on a journey together—a journey to healing, to loving ourselves without conditions, to redefining what being strong really means. It’s not about carrying the world on your shoulders; it’s about finding the strength to say, "I need me too."

Unraveling Survival Mode: How We Got Here

Alright, let's get down to the roots of Survival Mode—it’s a story steeped in our history, our resilience, and the systemic barriers that continue to shape our lives. Historically, Black women have been the backbone of strength for our families and communities, taking on burdens that extend well beyond our personal limits. Our foremothers set the blueprint as the original “strong Black women,” enduring hardships while nurturing hope and resilience under harsh conditions. This wasn't just about getting by; it was about outlasting and overcoming in a world that seemed to be afraid of our strength. We were both praised and punished for our resilience, sending the message that we needed to be superhuman yet often making us feel invisible.

As we trace our steps through time, the challenges evolved but the expectation of our strength persisted. Think about the Vietnam War era when many of our men were called to the front lines, not just overseas but in the civil rights battlegrounds at home. The void they left was filled by the women who kept families and communities intact despite the swirling chaos of war and civil unrest.

Then came the crack epidemic's cruel winter, sweeping through our streets like a storm, a crisis pushed into our neighborhoods and devastatingly criminalized. This wasn’t just a health crisis—it was a strategically placed obstacle that pulled many Black men away from their homes, either through addiction or through incarceration due to harsh new drug laws. The result? A staggering number of Black families found themselves without fathers, brothers, and sons, as prison bars ended up being the tragic answer to a problem we didn’t create.

And the systemic assaults didn’t stop there. As incarceration rates soared under policies that disproportionately targeted Black men, Black women had to step up even more. We became the caretakers, the breadwinners, the problem solvers, the advocates, and so much more. We carried not only the weight of economic and social disparities but also the emotional and psychological burdens of our fragmented families. Survival followed us like a shadow, lurking in the corners of our communities, whispering tales of hardship and heartache. We grew up watching our mamas and grandmamas work themselves to the bone, sacrificing everything for their families still managing to look good. And we learned by example, didn't we? We learned to be strong, to be tough, to put everyone else's needs before our own.

Survival mode, woven into the very fabric of our being, is not just a habit but a legacy—a testament to the endurance and resilience that have been demanded of us in a world that often overlooks the weight of what we carry. We’re applauded for our strength but seldom allowed the space to show vulnerability. It’s time that we address these ladies, not to diminish the power we possess but to illuminate a path forward that honors our well-being alongside our fortitude. It’s time to nurture that fierce spirit within us without letting it consume our peace. We owe it to ourselves, and to each other, to share the load without losing ourselves in the struggle. Let’s interrupt this cycle for our grandmothers and great-grandmothers who endured silently, for our daughters and granddaughters who will watch and learn from us, and for every Black woman who is ready to move beyond surviving to fully thriving.

1

BREAKING THE CYCLE: SHEILA’S PATH FROM PAIN TO POWER

Let me tell you about my former client Sheila*, a sista whose journey mirrors the struggles and strength of so many of us.

Sheila grew up in the heart of our community, in a tight-knit neighborhood where everybody knew everybody's business. But behind closed doors, Sheila's home was anything but a sanctuary. She was the oldest in a family where love was scarce and chaos reigned supreme.

Now, Sheila wasn't just dealing with the usual family drama. She was carrying around a heavy burden, one that no child should ever have to bear. Her uncle, the one person she should've been able to trust, was the source of her deepest pain. For years, she suffered in silence, carrying the weight of his visits to her bedroom at night, crushing her spirit and leaving her feeling broken inside.

Fast forward to adulthood, and Sheila's life seemed like the epitome of success. She was a fierce mama bear to her five kids, holding down a job and keeping the bills paid. But behind that facade of strength was a woman with unresolved anger from years of suppression which made its way into her daily interactions, causing her to snap at her children over the smallest things and push away friends who might have offered support.

It wasn't until Sheila hit rock bottom —sinking into the darkness of depression after breaking up with the father of her youngest child— that she realized she couldn't keep ignoring the pain anymore. With the support of her sistas and a therapist who just got it, we began the journey of facing her demons head-on.

Sheila’s frustration and pain were compounded by her increasing reliance on alcohol. What started as a way to unwind in the evening became a necessity, her crutch to stagger through each day. She found herself more isolated than ever, most of her close relationships frayed and abandoned because of her abrupt and harsh reactions.

It was a particularly explosive argument with her teenage daughter that jolted Sheila into realization. Seeing the fear and confusion in her child’s eyes, Sheila knew she couldn't let her past dictate her future any longer. It was time to confront the anger that had taken root so deeply within her.

Reaching out was the hardest thing Sheila had ever done. She started therapy, initially skeptical, but desperate for a change. Sheila and I practiced techniques for managing her anger, including mindfulness and journaling, which Sheila approached with a mix of skepticism and desperation.

Together, Sheila and I began to trace her fury to its origins and Sheila started to heal. She learned to sit with her pain, to let it wash over her without drowning her. She learned to recognize her triggers and to pause, allowing herself space to breathe and respond rather than react. The more she understood the sources of her anger, the more she was able to address them directly rather than letting them control her. She allowed her inner child to do the screaming - the “no” she wanted to let out as a child. As she peeled back the layers, she discovered something powerful – she wasn't defined by her past, she was empowered by it. Today, Sheila is transforming her relationship with her children, rebuilding trust and openness that had been eroded by years of her unpredictable anger. She’s also slowly reconnecting with friends, and most importantly, learning to approach herself with compassion and patience. Sheila turned her pain into power, embracing her inner strength and reclaiming her voice. And while she's still a work in progress, she's learned to love herself fiercely, flaws and all.

Sheila's journey is a reminder that no matter how dark things may seem, there's always a glimmer of light waiting to be found. As we navigate survival mode and all its complexities, let's take a page from Sheila's book and lean into the discomfort. Because it's in those moments of vulnerability that we find our strength, our resilience, and our truest selves.

Survival Mode

Survival mode is like living in a constant state of "on edge." Like that feeling when you're walking home alone, late at night, and every sound makes you jump. That fight or flight sensation, that nervous system kicking into overdrive, pumping out stress hormones like there's no tomorrow on autopilot, that’s survival mode.

But here's the thing – when you're always running on high alert, it messes with your whole system. Your heart's racing, your muscles are tense, and your mind's going a mile a minute. And let's not forget the toll it takes on your health – from high blood pressure to anxiety to straight-up exhaustion. Survival mode? And ain't nobody got time for that!

It's like wearing armor every day dressed in army fatigue, shielding yourself from the world and the pain that lurks within. It’s the illusion of being numb to the pain, that shoulder-shrug, stiff-necked “it is what it is.” In families where oppression and poverty are ever-present, survival mode becomes more than just a mindset – it becomes a way of life. We see it in the tired eyes of our mamas working multiple jobs to put food on the table. We see it in the worn-out hands of our grandmamas stretching every dollar to make ends meet. We see it in the cycle of violence and addiction that plagues our communities, leaving scars that run deep.

In the face of such adversity, survival mode becomes our default setting, our armor against the harsh realities of the world. We learn to fight, to hustle, to claw our way out of the darkness, because failure is not an option. But in our quest to survive, we often lose sight of ourselves – our dreams, our desires, our very essence. And that, my sistas, is a heavy burden to bear.

Survival mode ain't just about physical threats. It's about the constant barrage of emotional and mental struggles that weigh us down day in and day out. It's about the pressure to be strong, to be perfect, to never show weakness. It's about the trauma we carry in our hearts, the scars that never seem to fade.

The Myth of the Strong Black Woman

In the fabric of our culture, there's a thread that weaves its way through generations of Black women – the myth of the Strong Black Woman. It's a narrative that celebrates our resilience, our strength, and our unwavering ability to withstand whatever life throws our way. But as empowering as this myth may seem on the surface, it carries with it a heavy burden that many of us have shouldered for far too long.

From an early age, we're taught to be strong – to be the backbone of our families, the pillars of our communities. We're told to keep our heads held high, to never let them see us sweat, and to always put on a brave face no matter what. And so we do. We bury our pain beneath layers of strength, pushing it down until it becomes a part of us until we forget what it even feels like to be vulnerable.

Strength should never come at the expense of our humanity. The myth of the Strong Black Woman tells us that we must sacrifice our own well-being for the sake of others and that our needs and desires are secondary to those around us. It's a narrative that erases our complexity, our vulnerability, and our humanity, reducing us to nothing more than caricatures of strength.

And yet, despite the weight of this myth, we continue to carry it with grace and resilience. We smile through our tears, we laugh through our pain, and we keep pushing forward even when it feels like the world is against us. But beneath the surface, the cracks begin to show. The exhaustion sets in, the burnout takes its toll, and we find ourselves crumbling under the weight of expectations that were never ours to bear.

It's time to rewrite the script. It's time to create a new narrative that celebrates every facet of who we are – our vulnerability, our femininity, our resilience, and our humanity. For too long, we've been confined by the myth of the Strong Black Woman, forced to hide our pain behind a facade of strength. But strength isn't about pretending to have it all together. It's about being real, being vulnerable, and embracing our authentic selves.

In these pages, we'll explore what it means to truly embody strength as a Black woman. We'll celebrate our vulnerability as a source of power, not weakness. We'll embrace our femininity as a force to be reckoned with, not something to be suppressed or ashamed of. And we'll honor our resilience as a testament to our indomitable spirit and unwavering courage.