Listellany E-Book

John Rentoul

• Herausgeber: Elliott & Thompson
• Kategorie: Lebensstil
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 115

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2014

Beschreibung

Which are the books that people buy but never read?*Discover the answers to this and other essential questions in Listellany.This is NOT a fact-based compendium. It's purely opinion - the opinions of John Rentoul, his readers - and, yes, Twitter.Eccentric and eclectic, this is a book for pub debaters, list boffins and language lovers up and down the land: come inside and join the debate.Every week in the Independent on Sunday John Rentoul publishes a top ten based on suggestions from the great British public. Now collected together for the first time, and featuring previously unpublished lists, Listellany provides the answers to such quintessential arguments as: which are the top ten overrated 1960s bands; meaningless words found on modern menus; films panned as turkeys that are actually quite good; most beautiful British railway journeys; stupid car names; unsung villains; political heckles; words that ought to be used more often; British place names; great bands with terrible names; best prime ministers we never had; visual clichés; political myths; anagrams; misquotations; worst Beatles songs; most interesting politicians.But who knows best? You, John, or Twitter? Pick up this book and decide.*The list includes books by both Bill and Hillary Clinton.

Leseprobe

LISTELLANY

LISTELLANY

A miscellany of very British top tens, from politics to pop

John Rentoul

CONTENTS

Top ten reasons to read this book (or ‘The Introduction’)

1. Underrated family films

2. Plurals that have become singular

3. Footnotes

4. Malapropisms

5. Signs with double meanings

6. Surprisingly unrelated pairs of words

7. First sentences of novels

8. Last sentences of novels

9. Words that used to mean the opposite

10. Words with opposite meanings

11. Fictional villains

12. Upbeat songs that tell a sad story

13. Genuine shop names

14. Mixed metaphors

15. Lost positives

16. Tautologous abbreviations

17. Examples of journalese

18. Most interesting politicians

19. Spoonerisms

20. Tautologies

21. Translated tautologies

22. Songs that mean the opposite of what most people think

23. Unexpected etymologies

24. Most English remarks of all time

25. Misused fables

26. Palindromes

27. Words used only with one other word

28. English Monarchs 1066–1707

29. Unisex names of MPs

30. Ways of defeating the Daleks

31. Anagrams

32. Most beautiful British railway journeys

33. New clichés that should be banned

34. Phrases that ought to be off the menu

35. Words that ought to be used more often

36. Party conference speeches

37. Great bands with terrible names

38. Films panned as turkeys that are actually quite good

39. Political myths

40. Original titles of novels

41. Douglas Adams quotations

42. Questions to which the answer is no

43. Transpositions of sounds in words

44. Words that lost or gained an ‘N’

45. Stupid car names

46. Unsung villains

47. Laws of life

48. Political heckles

49. Best British place names

50. Most overrated 1960s bands

51. Best prime ministers we never had

52. Visual clichés

53. Useful words for which there is no English equivalent

54. Politicians not known by their first name 91

55. Books people buy but don’t read

56. American footballers’ names

57. Misquotations

58. Worst Beatles songs

59. Surnames that have died out

60. Everyday lies

61. Recurring news stories

62. Yiddish words

63. Elegant variations

64. Great unremarked changes of our lifetime

Top ten lists that didn’t make it

Top ten people to whom I am grateful (otherwise known as ‘The Acknowledgements’)

Contributions and nominations

TOP TEN REASONS TO READ THIS BOOK (OR ‘THE INTRODUCTION’)

1. Lists are the future of journalism, the internet and therefore the world.

2. Lists are also the past. Ten-item lists in particular have a history that goes back to even before the word ‘listicle’ was coined. Moses’s top ten dos and don’ts was a handy way of summarising the rules for an entire society.

3. The lists in this book are totally fascinating. Did you know that ‘male’ and ‘female’ are not related to each other (deriving from Latin masculus and femella), while ‘man’ and ‘woman’ (man and wife-man in Old English) are? If you are not completely entranced by this, you will like something else here. Genuine shop names including Melon Cauli and Napoleon Boiler Parts? Go on.

4. The lists in this book will make you cleverer. Worried about the distractability of the internet? Looking up from the screen after 17 minutes wondering, yet again, what it was you meant to look up in the first place? Here is highly educational material presented in concentrated form, and anyone can pay attention for just ten points.

5. But let us not be purely utilitarian. One of the purposes of education is the joy of learning for its own sake. Herein is distilled the joy of language, music and politics.

6. Also quite a bit of pedantry (tautologies, misquotations), Britishness (the most English remarks of all time, best British place names), literature (best first and last lines) and films (turkeys that are actually quite good).

7. Curiosity is good for you. My friend Ian Leslie has written a whole book about it (Curious: The Desire to Know and Why Your Future Depends on It). I have compiled a whole book of things for you to be curious about.

8. You may have missed one or two of these lists when they first appeared in the New Review, the Independent on Sunday magazine, since May 2013, or you may, having had your appetite whetted, want to see all the things that didn’t make the top ten in each category but that are nevertheless brilliant. A bit like how, in the old days, I disdained music that was ‘too popular’ and preferred my favourite singles to peak in the lower reaches of the Top Forty.

9. There are top tens here that have never before appeared in print: world exclusives listing upbeat songs that tell a sad story, translated tautologies (Sahara means desert, and what not), words that lost or gained an ‘n’ (such as a norange or an ewt), surnames that have died out and everyday lies (such as ‘It won’t take a minute’).

10. You want to know about stupid car names, don’t you? There really is a car called the Mazda Bongo Friendee.

For more top tens and debates, visit www.listellany.com

UNDERRATED FAMILY FILMS

When I watched The Emperor’s New Groove again after several years I could not believe what a great film it is. Fine plot, great characters, quick and clever dialogue, uses pre-computer-generated imagery (CGI) brilliantly – and yet it is almost forgotten.

1.The Emperor’s New Groove, Disney, 2000. Incan emperor is turned into a llama and taught a lesson: majestic.

2.Basil The Great Mouse Detective, Disney, 1986. ‘Big Ben fight scene, robot mouse Queen Victoria and a peg-legged bat. What’s not to like?’ It was the first film Mark Wallace saw.

3.Megamind, DreamWorks, 2010. Unoriginal? I thought it was great, and morally subtle.

4.Monster in Paris, English version released 2012. Surprisingly affecting dub of the French original.

5.Jumanji, 1995. Supernatural board game in which wild animals come to life? Sounds dire, but it was Tom Doran’s childhood favourite.

6.Small Soldiers, DreamWorks, 1998. ‘Toy Story with heavier firepower,’ says Gaz W.

7.Robin Hood, Disney, 1973. Unfairly overlooked, overshadowed by predecessors The Jungle Book and Aristocats.

8.Atlantis: The Lost Empire, Disney, 2001. Another cartoon classic overshadowed by computer-generated imagery blockbusters to come.

9.Flushed Away, Aardman/DreamWorks, 2006. Terrible title; outstanding plot, characters and CGI.

10.Lion King II: Simba’s Pride, Disney, 1998. Surprisingly high-quality, straight-to-video sequel.

PLURALS THAT HAVE BECOME SINGULAR

It is a little old-fashioned to use data, dice, graffiti, panini, media and politics as plural nouns these days, and I know only one person who treats news as a plural, but we are dimly aware that these words were not always as singular as they are now. However, Rich Greenhill, a virtuoso of language curios, came up with many other words that were once – unknown to me – plurals. Here are the best…

1. Quince Middle English plural of Old French cooin, from Latin for apple of Cydonia, now Chania, Crete.

2. Stamina Latin plural of stamen, thread or essential element, before it was applied by analogy to flower parts.

3. Chintz Plural of chint, a stained or painted calico cloth imported from India, from Hindi chimt, spattering, stain.

4. Pox Plural of pock, as in pock-marked.

5. Truce Plural of true, Middle English, in the sense of belief, trust.

6. Invoice Plural of obsolete invoy, from French envoy, envoyer, to send.

7. Broccoli Italian, plural of broccolo, cabbage sprout, head, diminutive of brocco, shoot.

8. Dismal Originally a noun, for the two days in each month which were believed to be unlucky, from Anglo-Norman French dis mal, and medieval Latin dies mali, evil days.

9. Sweden Originally a plural of Swede, a Swedish person.

10. Bodice Originally bodies.

Greenhill also pointed out that MMR – measles, mumps and rubella – are all plurals:

11. Measles. Middle English maseles, probably from Middle Dutch masel, pustule. The spelling change was due to association with Middle English mesel, leprous, leprosy.

12. Mumps. Late 16th century: from obsolete mump, meaning grimace, have a miserable expression.

13. Rubella. Modern Latin neuter plural of rubellus, reddish.

Just to show off, he said – again, I had no idea – that the words primate and termite arose from mistaking the three-syllable Latin plurals primates and termites (the singulars being primasand termes) for two-syllable words. The Oxford Dictionary doesn’t specifically support this, but it seems plausible.

14. Chess. Middle English: from Old French esches, plural of eschec, check, which in the sense of holding back or verifying comes from the game of chess. I did not know that.

15. Delicatessen

16. Lasagne

17. Agenda. Latin: ‘things to be done’.

18. Candelabra

19. WAG: stands for wives and girlfriends (mostly of famous footballers) but is often used as a singular, ‘a WAG’.

FOOTNOTES

This list arose after I praised the wonder of the footnotes in John Campbell’s biography of Roy Jenkins, a fabulous old-fashioned book, with starred footnotes at the bottom of the page, plus numbered endnotes, including endnotes in footnotes.

1. ‘It [is] wearisome to add “except the Italians” to every generalisation. Henceforth it may be assumed.’ A.J.P. Taylor, The Struggle for Mastery in Europe, 1848–1918.

2. ‘Strengthened, I should have thought spoiled, by whisky.’ Roy Jenkins, in Gladstone, on Queen Victoria’s preference for claret.

3. ‘Trees didn’t burst into flame … A better simile would be “not like molten gold”.’ A footnote to: ‘Sunlight poured like molten gold across the … landscape.’ Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic.

4. ‘…his trousers were creased at the sides not front and back.’ A.J.P. Taylor on King George V, in English History 1914–45.

5. ‘Despite Orwell’s expressed wishes, the … Uniform Edition includes three semi-colons.’ A footnote to: ‘Coming Up for Air hasn’t got a semi-colon in it.’ Peter Davison, editor, George Orwell: A Life in Letters.

6. ‘“You’re fired” were the exact words as I remember them.’ A footnote to: ‘My first job ended when the editor said something to me that made it impossible to go on working for him.’ Christopher Hitchens, Hitch-22.

7. ‘This is the only reference in the canon to Holmes’s eyebrows.’ Leslie S. Klinger, editor, The New Annotated Sherlock Holmes.

8. ‘It is one of the mysteries of existence that what is called red tape is in fact pink.’ Profs George Gretton and Kenneth Reid, on a quirk of title deeds, in Conveyancing (2nd Edition).

9. ‘Haemophilia is, like the enlargement of the prostate, an exclusively male disorder. But not in this work.’ Samuel Beckett, Watt.

10. ‘They discovered a problem … with the [website]: investorsexchange.com’ A footnote to: ‘The Investors Exchange, which wound up being shortened to IEX.’ Michael Lewis, Flash Boys.

MALAPROPISMS

This one was Nick Thornsby’s idea. As Mrs Malaprop says in Sheridan’s play The Rivals, ‘If I reprehend anything in this world it is the use of my oracular tongue, and a nice derangement of epitaphs.’

1. ‘She’s as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of the Nile.’ Mrs Malaprop.

2. ‘It’s great to be back on terra cotta.’ John Prescott after a stormy flight, 1999.*

3. ‘I am a person who recognises the fallacy of humans.’ George W. Bush to Oprah Winfrey.

4. ‘The world is your lobster, my son.’ Arthur Daley, Minder.

5. ‘I’m as happy as a sandbag.’ A friend of Alistair Gray’s. ‘She has an unconscious gift. She also said something was “a bit of a damp squid”.’

6. ‘Cow-towing to the Americans.’Daily Telegraph report of criticism of New Labour by Ian Davidson, Labour MP. Did this involve pulling cattle behind a boat?

7. ‘He eludes confidence.’ William Bratton, Los Angeles police chief, of Barack Obama’s second inaugural speech, 2009.

8. ‘It’s not rocket fuel.’ Henry McLeish, former Scottish First Minister, to John Swinney, SNP leader.

9. ‘If I don’t want to serve someone, that is my provocative.’ Landlord to Lloyd Bracey, who worked in a pub as a student.

10. ‘Chocolate peripherals’ Hugh Kellett’s great aunt’s dessert order.

Also nominated:

11. Deferring payments would ‘only be playing smokes and daggers’. Bertie Ahern, former Irish prime minister. A top ten of malapropisms by Ahern alone could have been compiled, including ‘hindsight is 50/50 vision’ and the not-yet-authenticated ‘upsetting the apple tart’.

12. ‘When I find the allegator concerned.’ American general rejecting damaging anonymous claims. Allegedly.

13. ‘I’ve got a head like a sore bear.’

14. ‘It’s not the sanity of picket lines that bothers me, it’s the sanity of human life.’ John Prescott, 2002.

15. ‘I’ll see you at the Duke of Windsor at 6 o’clock, then.’ ‘Right, we’ll sympathise watches.’ Two men exiting a pub after what may well have been a long drinking session, overheard by Roger Stevenson.

16. ‘Councillor, come up here and rest your papers on the rectum.’ Chairman of Stevenage district council, according to former councillor Peter Metcalfe.

17. ‘He’s as honest as the day is blue.’

.

__________

* Lord Prescott says he never said it: this one should be in the Top 10 Misquotations.

SIGNS WITH DOUBLE MEANINGS

Mike Graham said, ‘I refuse to go in here,’ when he posted a picture of a door in New York with the sign, ‘Refuse Room’. As Tom Freeman pointed out, ‘That was the policy of the Bethlehem innkeeper.’ Here are ten more signs with unintended messages.

1. This door is alarmed But the sign doesn’t say what is bothering it.

2. Disabled toilet Whenever Andrew Denny sees it, he thinks, ‘Well, why doesn’t someone fix it, then?’

3. ‘Women’ Sign on ladies’ loo, with alarming quotation marks.