Little Boy Blue E-Book

Edward Bunker

• Herausgeber: No Exit Press
• Kategorie: Krimi
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2012

Seitenzahl: 638

Beschreibung

Young Alex Hamilton is intelligent and independent but given to sudden fits of violent rage. Rebellious since his parents split up, Alex is constantly absconding from foster homes and institutions to be with his father, a broken man who can't give his son the home he desperately needs. Surrounded by well-meaning, over-worked social workers, vicious and cruel authority figures but always by no good peers, Alex is on a collision course with the law and himself.

Leseprobe

Winner of the Macallan Gold Dagger 2000 for non-fiction

Young Alex Hammond is intelligent and independent but given to sudden fits of violent rage. Rebellious since his parents split up, Alex is constantly absconding from foster homes and institutions to be with his father, a broken man who can’t give his son the home he desperately needs. Surrounded by well-meaning, over-worked social workers, vicious and cruel authority figures but always by no good peers, Alex is on a collision course with the law and himself.

Edward Bunker, Mr Blue in Reservoir Dogs, was the author of No Beast So Fierce, Little Boy Blue, Dog Eat Dog, The Animal Factory and his autobiography, Mr Blue, all published by No Exit. He was co-screenwriter of the Oscar nominated movie, The Runaway Train, and appeared in over 30 feature films, including Straight Time with Dustin Hoffman, the film of his book No Beast So Fierce. Edward Bunker died in 2005 and another novel, Stark, was discovered in his papers. Along with some short stories published as Death Row Breakout.

‘Integrity, craftsmanship and moral passion … an artist with a unique and compelling voice’

– William Styron

‘Edward Bunker is a true original of American letters. His books are criminal classics: novels about criminals, written by an ex-criminal, from the unregenerately criminal viewpoint.’

–James Ellroy

‘At 40 Eddie Bunker was a hardened criminal with a substantial prison record. Twenty-five years later, he was hailed by his peers as America’s greatest living crimewriter’

–Independent

www.noexit.co.uk

To my beloved Jennifer, and to Dustin, who carried me for six months

Contents

Title Page

Dedication

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

8

9

10

11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19

20

21

22

23

24

Copyright

1

In the summer of 1943, a plain black Ford sedan carried three people through the Cahuenga Pass from Los Angeles into the San Fernando Valley. A middle-aged female social worker was driving. An eleven-year-old boy was in the middle, and the boy’s father was on the right. All of them stared through the windshield with somber faces. The social worker looked stern, but it was really a practiced stoicism insulating her emotions from the pain of sympathy. The father was silently determined, but his determination was furrowed with worry; his jaw muscles pulsed as he sucked on a cigarette. The boy’s lips were curled in until almost hidden, and occasionally he bit them inside to stifle the smoldering tantrum. He was both working himself up and restraining himself. Rebellion was coming, but this particular moment was too soon.

Beyond Cahuenga Pass the large highway curved to follow the base of the hills dotted with white houses buried in green slopes. The social worker turned off onto a narrow, straight road through endless orange groves. Every so often there was a flash of white as the car passed a neat frame house set back from the road. The day was hot and the air dusty, and many insects splattered against the windshield. Once they passed two bare-legged girls riding bareback on a fat mare. In 1943, the San Fernando Valley was still the countryside—without smog and without tract homes—where a few small communities were separated by miles of citrus and alfalfa.

The boy stared ahead, as if transfixed by the white line in the black road that disappeared in shimmering heat waves. Actually he saw nothing and heard nothing. He was thinking of how many identical trips he’d taken since he was four years old, to yet another place to be ruled by strangers. It was nearly all he could remember—boarding schools, military schools, foster homes—those places and snatches of ugly scenes, tumult, and tears, the police coming to keep the peace. Whenever he thought of his mother it was with her face contorted in tears. He knew he disliked her without knowing why.

He remembered the day when his father walked out, and he had run after him, dragging a toy Indian headdress, tugging at the car door and begging to go along. His father had driven away, leaving him sprawled in tears in the dirt, and his mother had come with a wooden coat hanger to make him scream even louder. He remembered being in a courtroom but nothing about what happened. Then his mother was gone, never seen again, never mentioned. After that began the foster homes and military schools. He couldn’t even remember the first one, except that he’d been caught trying to run away on a rainy Sunday morning. His memory images grew clearer concerning later places; he remembered other runaways, one lasting six days, and fights and temper tantrums. He’d been to so many different places because each one threw him out.

At first his rebellion had been blind, a reflex response to pain—the pain of loneliness and no love, though he had no names for these things, not even now. Something in him went out of kilter when he confronted authority, and he was prone to violent tantrums on slight provocation. Favored boys, especially in military school, looked down on him and provoked the rages, which brought punishment that caused him to run away. One by one the boy’s homes and military schools told his father that the boy would have to go. Some people thought he was epileptic or psychotic, but an electroencephalogram proved negative, and a psychiatrist doing volunteer work for the Community Chest found him normal. Whenever he was thrown out of a place, he got to stay in his father’s furnished room for a few days or a week, sleeping on a foldup cot. He was happy during these interludes. Rebellion and chaos served a purpose—they got him away from torment. The time between arrival and explosion got shorter and shorter.

Now, as the tires consumed the dusty road, the boy worked himself up, anticipating what he would do. Tears and pleas had been futile, his father not deaf to them but helpless to change things. He too had no choice. He was in his fifties, worn and thin, his skin red and leathered from alcohol and laboring in the sun. He wasn’t an alcoholic, but in recent years he drank a lot because of his wife, his son, and the Depression. A good carpenter, he was proud of his craft, but work had been impossible for nearly a decade. Only with the start of the war had he been working steadily. He would have been happy except for his son. Why couldn’t the boy accept the situation, the necessity of boarding him out? The man had told the boy that the law required someone to look after him. If only there were a family—aunts, uncles, cousins, friends—but both the man and his former wife were orphans who had come here from southern Ohio, thinking that they’d build a new life in sunny southern California. The man had an older sister who lived in Louisville, but he hadn’t seen her for twenty years.

The man felt guilty about his son and salved his conscience by paying more than he could afford on the military schools and boarding homes. He scrimped on his own meals, lived in a cheap room. The boy didn’t seem to notice the sacrifices. The man wondered if the boy was crazy.

The man flipped his spent cigarette through the window and suddenly felt angry. He’d spoiled his son. That was the trouble. Only a spoiled boy would run away, fight, steal, throw tantrums. The man had done his best. He knew he’d done his best.

The social worker kept her hands firmly on the wheel, her no-nonsense shoes on the gas and clutch. Traffic lights were gauged early to shift down the gears. She’d learned to drive when she was forty, having grown up where automobiles were not part of the landscape, and she was always conscious of what she was doing. But with an empty road and moderate speed, she had room to think. She could feel the boy beside her, his body well known to the welfare agencies. Eleven years old and he’d already accumulated a file. A bright boy, in the top two percent in intelligence, though his chaotic behavior and emotional problems kept him from being a good student. The boy had potential, but it would be wasted. Years ago the situation would have agonized her, but for her own peace of mind she’d developed a protective shell around her feelings. She did all she could to help but didn’t invest her soul in a case. Too many cases failed, as if divorces and foster homes were precursors to Juvenile Hall, reform school, and prison. This boy’s chances for a successful life were very slim, made worse by his tempestuous nature. His unique potential would develop into unique destructiveness. What a pity, she thought, that there’s no direct relationship between the intellect and the spirit. This boy needed a home and love for salvation, and nobody could provide them, certainly no agency or institution.

“We’re early,” she said. “We could stop for a bite somewhere.”

For a moment the man didn’t respond, and then, as the words filtered through his reverie, he seemed startled. He looked down at his son—a boy with a head too big for his body and eyes too big for his head. “You hungry, Alex?”

Alex shook his head, not wanting to speak and break his gathering emotions. He needed everything for the looming conflict.

The man, Clem Hammond, flushed. He too had a temper. He shrugged an apology to the woman for his son’s churlishness, thinking what his own father would have done faced with such a snotty attitude: the stern farmer would have cut a switch and raised welts. Times had surely changed, and not necessarily for the better. Yet Clem could understand Alex’s misery, and he was sorry for being angry with the boy. “We could stop and get some airplane magazines.” Then to the social worker he added with pride, “Alex doesn’t like comic books.”

“I don’t want ’em,” Alex said, without looking around. His hands were pressed between his legs, clenched into white-knuckled fists. Acid burned in his stomach, and tears pressed behind his eyes. I don’t want to go there, he moaned inside … don’t … don’t … just take me home, Pop. I’ll sleep on the floor and I won’t be any trouble … please, Pop … please, God …

The silent prayer didn’t slow the Ford. The orange groves fell behind, and now alfalfa fields glowed in the sun. Whirling sprinklers threw off necklaces of sparkling water. The low foothills that were the northern border of the San Fernando Valley grew larger. The Valley Home for Boys was nestled at the base, shaded by eucalyptus, pepper, and oak.

SCHOOL ZONE DRIVE SLOWLY

Alex’s feet pressed the floorboard, his body rigid, as if he could restrain their forward progress by willpower.

VALLEY HOME FOR BOYS

A narrow road coated with fallen leaves was behind the sign.

“I don’t like it,” Alex said through tight jaws.

“How can you say that? You haven’t seen it.” Clem was holding back his own anger. Hadn’t he done all he could? He also saw the hints of a tantrum.

“It’s dirty,” Alex said.

The Ford went through sunlight mottled by the overhead foliage. Stillness filled the grounds, a hush broken by occasional trilling birds. But all living things were hiding from the August heat.

Everyone was tense. Alex’s eyes roved like those of a small, trapped animal, and his breathing was thick, but he held back the tantrum, waiting.

The road widened into a parking lot. Around it were several two-story buildings with yellow tile roofs; near the eaves the yellow was streaked. These were the dormitories. The administration building was whitewashed frame that had seen better days. The parking lot was nearly empty.

The social worker parked and turned off the motor. Nobody spoke or moved. Finally Clem unlatched the door, the sound sharp. He stepped out and beckoned to his son. “C’mon.”

The woman got out the other side, but the boy stared straight ahead and didn’t move.

Clem flushed. “No, no, I’ll have none of your shenanigans today, young man. Just get out of the car.”

The boy shook his head without looking around. His breathing was audible.

Each of them knew the script. The man would be more determined because he’d seen other tantrums, and the boy’s fury was greater through practice. Long ago a display of tears and thrashings brought conciliation. Now each of them had a tolerance.

The boy needed to behave insanely, even though that would probably not change things. His rage was simultaneously blind and planned, berserk irrationality as a means to an end.

“Get out or I’ll drag you out,” Clem said.

Alex didn’t move a muscle.

The social worker was a worried spectator, sweating in the heat.

Clem leaned inside, one knee braced on the seat, a hand on top of it. “Come on.”

Alex’s breathing became a hoarse rasp, a choked cry, like someone having a seizure.

“Knock it off,” Clem said, his anger rising.

The gasping intensified, and the boy’s face purpled. The man leaned in further, reaching to grab the boy’s elbow. At his touch the boy yelped and jerked away, sliding down to the floorboard in the corner, banging his head on the dashboard and wrapping his arms around the steering post. Tears poured down his face, and he gave wheezing sobs of futile rage, his body too small to consummate his fury.

Clem kneeled down on the seat and reached for the boy’s locked arms. He jerked one hand loose, muttering curses. As he went for the other, the first one fastened again. The boy’s breathing now contained coughs and animal sounds. A discharge of adrenaline flooded the boy’s nervous system, giving him additional strength.

Infuriated, Clem moved in closer on his knees on the seat and tried to reach down and slap his son across the face. The steering wheel and narrow space made this ineffectual.

The social worker stood watching in the hot glare. She was horrified. She’d seen many rebellious children, but this was like watching a soul begin to die. The woman stood helpless while the cries cut through her and the summer afternoon.

Clem backed up, his rump jutting out, and grabbed a foot. The boy thrashed, kicking, twisting, and screaming. Clem couldn’t pull him straight out; the leverage was insufficient, and the boy’s arms were locked too tightly around the steering post. The man was sweating now, puffing from exertion. In sudden fury he wrenched his son’s leg, pulling him loose in one swift move, dragging him out so that he flopped on his side on the hot macadam. The fall jerked Clem’s hands loose, and the boy lunged for the bumper, fighting for every inch. But Clem pried his fingers loose and hauled him to his feet, cuffing him across the back of his head.

The woman assisted Clem now, taking an arm to help restrain the child. They dragged Alex, kicking and screaming, toward the administration building.

Thelma Cavendish stood peering from a dormitory window, attracted by the uproar. She knew the boy was being assigned to her cottage. Her stern, fat face reflected sharp disapproval of such rebellion.

As the trio struggled up the walk, a school bus jammed with the younger boys of the Valley Home pulled in. The boys leaned from the windows, yelling, then spilled out of the door.

Despite his flaming brain, Alex was aware of the new arrivals, and his fury was redoubled for their benefit, sensing that it further discomfited his father.

The two dozen boys came over to Alex like filings to a magnet, forming an audience, falling silent and serious. None seemed particularly sympathetic to the newcomer.

Clem tripped on a step and fell momentarily to one knee. “You’re gonna be sorry,” he muttered between clenched teeth, wishing he could thrash the boy but afraid that the Valley Home might refuse to take him. Already Alex had been thrown out of half the boarding schools in southern California.

The sweating social worker was encumbered by her purse and had to release the boy to reach for the screen door. Alex turned on his father, clawing for Clem’s face.

A young man from the bus—the athletics coach—pushed through the crowd of boys, scattering them. He wrapped his arms around Alex, pinning him. The boy collapsed, and the coach carried him inside. Alex had not willfully surrendered, but the ferocity of his resistance had sucked all his strength away. His brain fogged near a faint, and if the young man had not been holding him up, he would have collapsed on the floor. His body tingled as if charged with electricity. His eyes fluttered and nearly rolled back into his head. The woman and the young man were frightened by the boy’s paleness and the blue tint to his lips. Neither had had any experience with such behavior. Clem, however, had seen this stupor that followed the tantrum many times.

“Is there any hot water around here?” Clem asked, scanning the waiting room, which was furnished with an empty desk and stuffed furniture, the masonite floor scarred by years of young feet. The coach waved toward a short corridor where a frosted-glass door at the end opened into a washroom. It was too small for more than Clem and Alex. The father shut the door and turned on the hot water, waiting until steam rose from the bowl; then he shoved his son’s hands under the water. For nearly half a minute Alex remained limp and oblivious, until the pain got through to his stupefied brain and the scalding water made him squirm. His hands turned scarlet.

Alex tried to pull his hands away. “It’s okay, Pop. I’m okay.”

Clem turned him loose, knowing the episode was over, the rebellion spent. “Wash your face,” he said quietly, ashamed at having lost his own temper, aching and sad at the whole situation.

Alex turned on the cold water and used cupped hands to splash it on his face, mindless that it dampened his cuffs and collar.

Clem Hammond lit a cigarette and sat on the toilet and waited.

Outside the washroom the young coach, Mike Macrae, listened as the woman told him about the boy’s history. The young coach was awed and for some reason felt guilty. He was just ten years older than Alex, and he wondered if he could befriend the boy. In his whole life Mike Macrae hadn’t experienced as much anguish as he’d seen the boy go through in just a few minutes. Maybe he could take a special interest in the newcomer, straighten out the warp. The social worker sighed.

Inside the washroom Alex Hammond patted his face dry with a paper towel. Clem dropped his cigarette butt into the toilet. “Hey,” the man said, “look here.” The boy’s eyes were downcast. The man searched hard for words, and words came hard.

“You’ve got to act like a man,” he began, then halted. After a pause he said, “Remember the poem you learned last year … by Kiping?”

“It was Kipling, Pop.”

“I don’t remember … but I remember what it said … about taking what happens and holding your head up and being a man. It isn’t my fault you have to be in these places. What do you want me to do?”

“Let me stay with you.” The boy’s head was still down; he shuffled a foot.

“If I could, I would. I’ve got to work, and there’s nobody to look after you.”

“Pop, I can look after myself. I won’t get in trouble, I promise.”

Clem fought down the wetness in his eyes. “You can’t live in a furnished room.”

“We can get a small place.”

Clem shook his head. He wanted to hug the boy, but such gestures had stopped. Maybe … maybe, he thought, we can rent a place and have a woman come in to help. “I can’t make any promises,” he said, “but maybe we can work something out.”

“Oh, Pop, please.”

“Remember, it’s not a promise … but I’ll see what I can arrange.”

The tears welled in the boy’s eyes, triggering a similar response in the man, and he gathered his son in his arms. Please God, Alex pleaded silently, let it be so. I won’t do anything wrong.

Clem held his son at arm’s length, hands on his shoulders. “Okay, I’ll work on it, but you be good here. Don’t give them any trouble. I’ve got to work out of town this week, but I’ll be here to see you a week from Sunday.”

“Promise, Pop?”

“Promise. You can go horseback riding at Griffith Park if you want.”

“Oh, yes!”

“I talked to the superintendent. He’s a nice man and he tells me the housemother, Mrs. Cavendish, is a fine person. Show me you can stay out of trouble so I can leave you alone while I work.” He tapped the boy’s arm with a clenched fist.

Alex nodded rapidly, his face glowing.

“You’ll have to apologize for causing the lady all that trouble. Then we’ll see about getting you settled.”

The glow faded from the boy’s eyes. Suddenly he was embarrassed by what he’d done and pricked by the reality that he had to stay while his father left.

2

Thelma Cavendish, a widow, lived in three cluttered rooms of the cottage—the cottage being the lower floor of the two-story dormitory. The upper floor was for boys aged fourteen to sixteen. The clutter of Thelma’s quarters was in contrast to the strict neatness she insisted on for the boys on her floor. She was sixty-five years old and healthy as a bull elephant, despite more than two hundred pounds on a five-foot-five frame. She’d raised her own three children into good, successful Christians, and a thousand other boys had come under her wing during twenty-two years as a housemother. Her stamina was evidenced by her being in charge of thirty boys, ages eleven and twelve, five and a half days a week. Other housemothers had a college student to assist them, but Thelma Cavendish ran her cottage alone. If she had Victorian strictness, she could also clamp a homesick boy to her bosom. If excessive strictness had occasionally harmed a forming personality, the balance sheet was still in her favor. She lacked patience with interfering parents. They’d turned over to her a job they couldn’t handle. Most of the boys came from broken homes; many had alcoholic parents, some had been abused, and a few were en route to full-blown delinquency and institutions.

Thelma Cavendish told Alex to make his bed, put his clothes away, and then come to see her.

The room had two double bunks. A bottom bunk was empty, and Alex put his duffel bag and cardboard box on top of it. He ignored the two boys watching him silently from their bunks. Alex didn’t unpack anything but instead went back down the hallway to Mrs. Cavendish’s rooms. The door was open, and he could see the woman darning socks from a large basket, her fingers flying. Alex knocked on the doorframe, and she beckoned him in with a head gesture. She nodded toward a wicker chair, the only place to sit not piled with clothes.

“I saw that display in the parking lot and I’m not going to stand for anything like that, you understand?”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m not going to be here very long anyway.”

The woman’s fingers paused as she looked closely at the youth. “I talked with your father. He didn’t mention that you weren’t staying.”

“When did you talk with him?”

“Last week. We had a long talk about your problems.”

“Well, he just told me.”

“Are you sure you’re telling the truth? That it isn’t something you’re imagining because you want it to be true?”

“No, it’s true.”

The woman’s lips pressed tighter. “Well, be that as it may, while you’re here you’re going to have to follow my rules. If you do, we’ll get along fine. If you don’t, we won’t get along at all.”

Alex said nothing. He resented her authority and the threat it represented.

“I can’t tell you all that’s expected in one session,” she said. “But the boys get up at six and clean their rooms. Breakfast is at seven. We all go together. The school bus leaves at seven forty-five. When the bus brings you home, you check with me before you go out. You get back to the cottage by five. Study hall is from seven to eight for junior high school.

“One place my boys don’t go—behind the kitchen. That’s the smoking area for high school boys. I don’t approve of it, but Mr. Trepesanti is the superintendent, and he lets them smoke there.”

Alex said, “Yes, ma’am,” whenever it was appropriate; he was glad when she let him go back to his room.

When he reentered the room, a fat little boy was searching through Alex’s box. When he saw Alex he wheeled around, flushing wildly, obviously frightened. Alex had long ago learned how boys steal in boarding homes. He’d done it himself. Usually he would have started a fight, but today he was too drained. The fat boy had nothing in his hands, so Alex simply warned him to never do it again. The boy’s name, he later learned, was an appropriate “Porky.”

No sooner had Alex put his property on the floor and started to make his bed when an olive-skinned boy came in. He slept on the bunk above Alex. His name was Sammy Macias. His father was Mexican, but his reddish hair came from his Irish mother. She’d died in an automobile wreck two years ago, which was how Sammy had gotten into the Valley Home for Boys. He was also constantly in trouble.

When they finished putting Alex’s things away, Sammy offered to show Alex the grounds.

“We can go swimming after supper,” Sammy said.

Much of the Valley Home’s ten acres was trees and underbrush, wild as a forest and more green than most of the area because a trickle of the Los Angeles River bordered one side of the property. In the shadows of the greenery, where their feet crunched on fallen leaves, the heat was less intense. Streaks of dazzling light broke through the trees. When they were through exploring there, Sammy showed him the barns and pastures. The Valley Home bought its milk, but there was a small herd of steers. Sammy picked up a dirt clod and threw it at them, trying to make them move. Alex told him not to. “Why hurt helpless animals?” he said.

“That won’t hurt them.”

“Well, don’t do it.”

Sammy dropped the second clod of dirt. The steers, Sammy explained, were owned by some of the high school boys, who bought them as calves, raised and fattened them, and sold them for a profit. The younger boys weren’t allowed such enterprise, though many of them worked for various motion picture celebrities who had homes in the area. The Valley Home for Boys had friends.

As they wandered around the grounds, several boys passed them, the older ones ignoring them, and those their own age greeting Sammy and eyeing the newcomer shyly. Once Alex glanced back and saw the three boys they’d just passed with their heads together, the motions of one of them indicating he was describing Alex’s struggle when the bus drove up. Alex looked away quickly, his eye muscles twitching.

The swimming pool was Olympic-sized and filled with lithe young bodies cutting the pale chlorinated water. Their suntans were deep and their eyes red. Even the youngest ones swam like fish. They were hurrying, diving, laughing. Alex could swim, but not like these boys.

A whistle bleated, and the boys began to pull themselves from the pool grudgingly. “Come on,” a voice called. “It’ll be open after supper.” A tow-headed boy, hair plastered to his head, dove back into the water, and when his head bobbed up, the voice called, “Billy Boyd, if you’re not out in ten seconds you won’t swim for the rest of the week.”

The boy scrambled up, grinning.

Only then did Alex recognize the voice of control as that of the young coach from the administration building. He was coming over to where Alex and Sammy stood behind a low wall. Usually Alex wouldn’t have recalled a name from such a frenzied episode, but this time he remembered. Mike.

“Hi, Alex,” the coach said. “You look better.”

The boy blushed, looked down, and circled a foot in the dry grass.

“What’re you guys doing?” Mike asked.

“I’m just showing him around,” Sammy said.

The coach nodded. Then to Alex, “Seen the gym yet?”

“No, it’s locked.”

“Come on.”

“I got to call my father,” Sammy said. “I call him collect every Wednesday.”

Alex went with the coach. He wasn’t interested in sports, but he yearned for some attention and dreaded meeting the other boys in his cottage. He remembered how they’d first seen him. He wanted to belong and be liked—and in most places he was, but only by the outcasts and troublemakers.

The gym was ten years old, gift of a fraternal organization. It had a polished hardwood floor with a basketball court and signs that said no street shoes were allowed on it. There were collapsible bleachers and a storeroom of folding chairs, so it could double as an auditorium if necessary. The shower room was cluttered with towels, discarded basketball jerseys, and soap that had turned soft from being left on a wet floor.

Mike told Alex that the boys at the Valley Home got fifty cents an hour for any work they did, and if Alex cleaned the shower room, Mike would put in an hour voucher. Alex was surprised. He’d never heard of being paid in any of the other places he’d been. He accepted quickly, not so much because of the money but because he wanted Mike’s friendship. It took him half an hour to fill the laundry hamper, sweep and mop the floor, and put everything away.

Alex had been gone from the cottage for two hours; it was late afternoon when he finally walked back in. The long center corridor from which the room doors opened was full of boys moving up and down from a community washroom. They formed a line beside the washroom doorway, towels over their shoulders, toothbrushes, combs, and other things in their hands. When a boy finished and left the washroom, the next boy in line entered. They went in with tousled hair and dirty faces, and came back scrubbed clean, with hair soaked but combed flat.

Thelma Cavendish stood in the middle of the hallway where she could watch both the traffic and the washroom.

Alex’s room was beyond it, and he walked nonchalantly toward the woman, though inside he was very tense. He saw the boys glancing at him, and more than one conversation stopped at his approach.

Thelma Cavendish seemed not to see Alex—until he started to pass her. Then a hand reached out and snatched his earlobe, holding him frozen.

“Where have you been?” she demanded. An anonymous giggle made her glance around wrathfully for a moment, in futile search of the culprit. Alex’s eyes also searched, for he wanted someone to vent his humiliation upon.

“Don’t look away when I talk to you,” she said, shaking him by the ear. She let him go. “Didn’t I tell you the schedule?”

“Yes, ma’am. I was with the coach at the gym. I didn’t notice—”

“The coach! The coach doesn’t have anything to do with my cottage.” She noticed two vacancies in the washroom—the first two boys in line were more interested in Alex’s predicament than in washing—and motioned the two to go in.

Alex was swollen with indignation. He’d done nothing wrong. He wanted to scream at her, but nothing came through the wall of control but wet eyes. When she turned her gaze back to him, the sternness was gone. She was strict but not cruel. “I talked to Mr. Trepesanti about you this morning, Alex. I know you’re a brilliant boy with a lot of troubles. Whatever trouble you’ve been in elsewhere doesn’t matter—just what you do here. You did wrong by not coming in. I could’ve thought you’d run away, but Sammy told me where you were. Still, you’ve got to remember that old Cavendish runs things.”

He hated people who “ran things,” who expected obedience simply because of who they were rather than because what they ordered was right and just. The woman went on about what a good man Mr. Trepesanti was, how he loved all the boys, and although this wasn’t as good as a regular home with a mother and father, it was as good as the staff could make it. “If you have a problem, my door is always open. It doesn’t matter if it’s midnight. Mrs. C. loves all her boys. Even when I have to make them mind or punish them, it’s for their own good. We live in a world of rules and orders, and we’ve got to learn to follow them.”

She waited for a response. He stared silently at the floor. He already hated the place.

“It’s almost time for supper,” she said. “Get yourself washed up. And this evening bring your clothes so we can mark them for the laundry.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Alex said.

“All right. Go on now.”

Sammy wasn’t in the room, but the other two roommates were, both in T-shirts and blue jeans. One was roly-poly, with carefully parted lank blond hair. The other boy was thin, with a butch haircut. Both were tanned, and the slender boy, who had freckles, was peeling. He had white salve on his nose.

Alex nodded as a greeting, and the chubby boy broke the ice. “Boy, that was some fight you put up in the parking lot,” he said.

Alex didn’t know what to say, so he tossed a shoulder and looked at the freckled boy, whose legs dangled over the edge of an upper bunk.

“My name’s Freddy Wilson,” he said, jumping down and extending a hand.

“I’m Alex Hammond. How long have you been here?”

“Two years.”

It seemed an eternity to Alex—a fifth of the boy’s life, perhaps a third of what he remembered of life.

“It’s okay, though,” the boy said, as if sensing Alex’s thoughts. “I haven’t been in any other homes, but it’s better than being with my mother.”

“What about your father?”

“He took off when she was going to have another baby. Then she started drinking, and when she got mad at me she’d burn me with cigarettes.”

“I don’t like it here,” Alex said. “I don’t like any of these places, and I’ve been in plenty.”

“Me too,” the fat boy said. “This is okay, as far as they go … even if Mrs. C. is always giving me swats.”

Suddenly it was time to eat. Sammy Macias appeared in the doorway. He took it for granted that Alex and he would buddy up.

The boys gathered inside the front door and went out together and down the walk in a loose group, their noisy voices raised in the perpetual excitation of the very young.

Alex walked with the crowd, but he was thinking of his father and of getting out of there. Outside he could be alone to read, walk to school by himself, go alone to weekend matinees. His father would be the only authority. He and Clem could do things together all the time instead of just a few hours on the weekend.

Other groups of boys from other cottages were straggling along the walks. Thelma Cavendish waved to another housemother; they were hens shooing in their brood. The last sun was filtering through the trees, turning the leaves gold and red before black. A faint breeze had risen, taking the edge from the day’s heat. It was the hue of twilight before the night.

3

The city of Los Angeles had no breeze. Clem Hammond sat dripping sweat on the edge of his bed in the furnished room. He leaned forward, elbows on knees, a cigarette smoldering between his fingers. In the dusk the objects in the room were colorless silhouettes. Clem looked around. The room was no place to raise a boy, even if Mrs. Griffin would let him. The big rooming house was dreary, the tenants elderly, the neighborhood bad. Alex had already displayed delinquent tendencies, such as the theft in the military school (they’d broken into the kitchen, stuffed themselves, and vandalized the place, with Alex as ringleader). And once Alex had stolen money from Clem’s wallet. The boy also had a tendency to roam, and the neighborhood was fertile for trouble.

Clem felt the cigarette burn his fingers. He mashed it out and continued thinking. Could he afford a small house and a woman to come in a couple times a week? Alex was getting old enough to care for himself most of the time. Work was steadier, the Depression seeming to recede. It could be managed if work was regular. Two years ago it would have been unthinkable. Now it was possible. Barely possible. Certainly something had to be done. The psychologist was wrong—Alex simply needed a home. Clem would pick up the classified section of the newspaper after he went to eat.

Clem glanced at his heavy pocket watch. It was nearly seven, and the traffic would be clear. He took a sweater, gulped a shot of bourbon from a bottle he kept in the drawer, and went out. He was conscious of the narrow, dark hallway and stairs with the frayed carpet. It was the wrong place for an energetic eleven-year-old.

The landlady had an apartment on the bottom floor, and her door was open to stir a breeze. Fibber McGee and Molly were on her radio; though he couldn’t hear the words he recognized the voices. He’d have to get a radio, maybe a used one.

Clem’s mailbox was empty, as he’d expected. His only relative, his sister in Louisville, wrote about once a year, and he usually sent her a Christmas card.

Near the rooming house was an early version of a shopping center, a market bordered by small shops and a café that catered to the neighborhood. Clem always ate his evening meal there; the waitresses knew him. He always left a tip, not large but something. He always joked lightly with the waitresses. They were plain girls—such prettiness as they possessed came entirely from their youth. It was the most fleeting kind of prettiness, especially in their world of arid poverty.

It was still a hot night. Clem ate a cold ham sandwich and a salad. Tonight his conversation with the girls, though never lengthy, was close to silence. He was still preoccupied with the problem of his son. Increasingly Clem was feeling the necessity of getting Alex away from the boys’ homes, the military schools—with having him live at home. Then, too, there was the boy’s potential. Clem had been told that Alex’s I.Q. was in the very superior range. Alex should go to college. How did a man who sometimes couldn’t find work send a boy through college?

I’ll worry about that when the time comes, he thought. Right now I’ve got to get him out of that place.

Clem didn’t have to buy the evening paper. One was on the counter. He was the sole customer left, and he asked the girls for the classified advertising section; they told him he could take the whole newspaper.

At the Valley Home for Boys, Alex learned about his new environment as he waited for the time when he would leave. It was still two weeks until the new school semester. The boys from the Home attended public school and, Alex found out, ran both the junior high school and high school because they more or less stuck together. The area was generally affluent, and the progeny thereof weren’t conditioned to violence.

“I should be gone from here right after school starts,” he told Sammy.

“Yeah, they’ve been telling me that too.”

“My pop promised, and he doesn’t lie when he promises.” Alex’s face was flushed. Then he saw that his anger left Sammy hurt and surprised. “Forget it,” Alex said. “Let’s go swimming.”

Alex spent a week exploring the grounds, some of which, down by the nearby dry riverbed, were out of bounds. He found a soft place of rich green grass against the bole of a tree. It was hidden, except the side facing the river. He preferred being there, alone with his books, to being around the rest of the boys. He went to the pool in the evening, when it was cooler and less crowded.

Many of the boys had bicycles, some given by parents, some by the local police department when they couldn’t find owners; some were virtually handmade, created by cannibalizing from a basement of broken bicycles and parts. Alex tried to put one together, but even with the help of Sammy he couldn’t do it. Some key parts were in short supply, and resourceful as he was, his mechanical aptitude was nil.

“We could steal one when we go to the movies Saturday,” Sammy said. “Bring it back and change it around. Maybe paint it.”

“Oh no,” Alex said. “I don’t want to take any chances. Not now. I’m getting ready to go home and be with my dad. What if I got sent to Juvenile Hall?”

The large recreation hall had full bookshelves along two walls, mostly donations—an eclectic collection. Few boys in the home were interested in reading, but Alex was at the shelves nearly every day. He’d already devoured Edgar Rice Burroughs and the Tom Swift books. Now it was Westerns. Reading was impossible, however, in a room with three other boys and their friends slamming in and out. Alex loved solitude. In addition to the patch of grass by the river, he found another secret place under the gymnasium stage. It was a dark area, where the gym mats were stored, but enough light came in through a hole to read by. There he hid and studied books on ancient history and prehistory. He fantasized himself into a world of giant lizards and other strange creatures.

Occasionally some of the older boys baited him, in the hope of arousing another rage to entertain them, but he managed to control himself. What they did was less painful and humiliating than it had been in military school, where the cadet officers had authority. Alex had smashed one of them over the eye with a large rock, bringing forth a torrent of blood and another expulsion.

Sammy Macias was his only buddy, but Sammy was always in trouble, usually for stealing. He was an outcast. Most of the boys had an insatiable craving for adult approval, and they were afraid to be tainted by association with Sammy. It was one reason Alex became his friend.

Sammy’s background was more somber than the average boy’s at the Home. His father had gone wild after the accident when Sammy’s mother was killed, turning to booze and bad checks; he was now in jail. Sammy was aggressive and impulsive, nominally the leader because he was bigger and stronger. Alex was too young to see that his friend wasn’t very bright. They roamed the grounds together, throwing rocks at blackbirds and trying to catch gophers, for which the Home paid a quarter bounty. In the evenings they went swimming.

The days were easy enough for Alex, and he was able to avoid Thelma Cavendish’s wrath. But after lights-out he thought of Clem’s promise and felt both lonely and excited.

On Saturdays the younger boys were taken to the movies. The bus carried them fifteen miles into Hollywood, then dropped them off near a group of theaters on Hollywood Boulevard.

One time Hollywood Boulevard’s traffic swallowed the disintegrated group, and Alex and Sammy walked off together toward the row of marquees, which were nearly side by side. One that specialized in Westerns had a façade of logs and a hitching post.

They were looking at the posters in the outer lobbies when Sammy said, “Let’s not go. I’ve got two dollars …”

“Two dollars! Where …?”

“I found it.”

“You found it?”

“Well … a visitor left her purse in her car with the window down.” He grinned, shrugged a shoulder. “What could I do? She had twenty dollars and I just took two. Anyway, hell, we could hitchhike to Griffith Park and go horseback riding.”

“No, my father’s coming tomorrow to take me horseback riding.”

“What about running away? It’s still summer and not too cold at night.”

Alex shook his head, pursing his mouth for emphasis. “I’m not chicken. I ran away for six days about four months ago. I was sleeping under a shoeshine stand, and the colored guy who ran it brought me food every morning.”

“How’d they catch you?”

“I went to the movies during a weekday, and they look through them for truants.”

“I like running away. Nobody to tell you anything. You just go where you want and do what you want—like an explorer. The only bad thing is if you get hungry or can’t find a place to sleep when it’s cold.”

“If you want to run away, go ahead. You can have my sixty cents.”

“It’s no fun alone. Anyway, let’s not go to a movie. Let’s just fool around here.”

Alex hesitated, needled by a premonition of disaster, then nodded agreement. Crossing the street, they went back up the other side, ducking through alleys, wandering through a department store, playing. At a hot-dog stand they bought hamburgers and milk shakes. When they reached the end of the business area, they turned off along a tree-shaded residential street and walked down to Sunset Boulevard. As much as anything they were roaming.

On Sunset they stopped at the window of a huge store called “Builder’s and Sportsmen’s Emporium.” A gleaming Schwinn bicycle made them stop and stare.

“Let’s go in and look around,” Sammy said, beckoning to his friend and walking toward the door. Alex trotted behind.

The vast store had many aisles and departments, selling everything from bolts to boats—tires, shotguns, hinges, outboard motors, rakes, shovels. They were wandering around when suddenly Sammy touched Alex’s sleeve and motioned to a counter laden with sheath knives in leather scabbards. Sammy picked one up, unsheathed it, returned it.

The counter had no clerk. Nobody was paying them any attention. Sammy picked it up again. “Two dollars,” he said.

Alex sensed what was going to happen. Sammy was glancing around; then he lifted his shirt and stuck the knife down into his waistband. Alex held his breath, looking around in fright, remembering his promise to his father.

They were pushing at the door, blinking at the glare outdoors, when the man came up behind them. “Hold it, boys,” he said, reaching for Sammy. Alex could have run but didn’t.

The punishment was left to Thelma Cavendish. The assistant superintendent of the Home came to the store, thanked the manager for not calling the police, and drove the boys back to the cottage. He walked them to the housemother’s open door. She was in her chair, and a boy was in the doorway, but when she saw the new arrivals she told the boy to step out and close the door. The assistant superintendent also left.

The culprits stared down at their shoetops while the woman, immobile as a statue except for her breathing, glared at them with contempt. Alex’s panic in the store and worry during the silent ride back slowly dissolved in resentment. He hadn’t stolen anything. This was persecution. Instead of nervous fear he had anger, and instead of looking down in guilt he met her eyes, until it was she who looked away.

Finally she spoke: “Well, let’s hear what you’ve got to say.”

Neither one answered. Sammy moved his feet and kept looking down. Alex stared at her. The challenge was so open that she had to meet it.

“Sneak thieves … dirty little sneaks. You steal small things now and get off light, you’ll steal bigger things later.” Her voice rose with the fervor of her simplistic convictions. “Believe me, I’m going to teach you … both of you.” But her eyes were on Alex. She rose from her chair and waddled, shaking with tension, to a cluttered table, where she picked up a paddle. It was like a table tennis paddle, except the handle was extended, and it had holes the size of quarters in it. “Five swats apiece,” she adjudged. “Drop your pants, Alex.”

Alex’s breath was coming faster, and the fever was rising in his brain. “No,” he said, tears of fury starting. “You’re not going to hit me with that.”

The intensity froze her, but just momentarily. She was a determined woman, and her authority was the focus of her life. Rebellion was sacrilege; she flushed under layers of face powder.

“Don’t try that with me,” she said. “Take your pants down and bend over.” She looked above him; he could smell the decay beneath the scent of flowers. Her bulk was intimidating, but his brain was frozen on refusal to submit to injustice. He felt smothered. Oh, God, I wish my father—The thought was unfinished as tears flowed.

“You’re the smart one. Sammy’s a follower. I’m going to teach you who’s boss.”

She reached for him with a liver-spotted hand with purple fingernails. At her touch he leaped forward, butting her with his head, pushing and clawing but not using his fists. The charge surprised her, driving her back a pace.

“Oh you … little bastard,” she said, fending him off and reaching for his hair. As she forced his head away, he grabbed the top of her dress. The cloth ripped away, exposing the fish-white flab above her slip. She dropped the paddle and pulled the cloth up to cover herself.

Alex stepped back, at bay. Then he stopped crying, for Thelma Cavendish had tears in her eyes too. It was unbelievable.

“You’ll get it now,” she said, her voice shrill. “Now you’re in real trouble. You’re going to reform school for that.”

Alex was no longer furious. Tears started again, but they were from the ache. It was all wrong. He wanted to tell her the whole thing was a mistake. He was even ready to blame Sammy, something he wouldn’t have done a minute earlier. “Mrs. Cavendish … I’m sorry, but …”

“Go to your room while I have the superintendent call the police. We don’t have a place for heathens like you.”

Alex’s heart pounded with fear, and he stumbled out—Thelma Cavendish following him to the door—and down the hallway to his room. Nobody was there. He stood trembling in the middle of the room.

Sammy came in, staring at him. Their relationship had changed. Sammy was afraid of him. Anyone who would do what he’d done—attack Mrs. Cavendish—was capable of anything.

Alex conjured up an image of Juvenile Hall, one based on movies with the Dead End Kids. He had no reason to doubt that the superintendent could call the police and have him taken away. It had happened last week to a boy, though Alex didn’t think that the boy had set a brush fire in a vacant lot, which had burned down a garage.

Suddenly he knew the answer: he’d run away. He wouldn’t wait for either the superintendent or the police. He opened a closet and grabbed his windbreaker. From a dresser drawer he took a rolled pair of clean socks. One of the room’s missing residents had a piggy bank in a different drawer. Without hesitation, Alex took it and put it in the pocket of the windbreaker.

“What’re you doing?” Sammy asked.

“Getting away from here.”

“The superintendent is coming,” Sammy said. He was by the window.

“Are you coming with me?”

“Where?”

“Running, you ninny.”

Sammy’s face churned, shaded with inner confusion.

“You wanted to today,” Alex said. “What happened to your guts since then?”

“Let me think …”

“The guy’s coming,” Alex said, heading for the door. “I’m going.”

“Let me get a coat,” Sammy said.

“Hurry!”

The cottage had two doors. The back door was swinging shut behind Sammy as the superintendent opened the front door.

The boys skirted the building and ran toward a line of trees beyond the lawn. Within the trees it was already night.

4

Clem hunted for a place for himself and his son. Every day he marked the classified section of the Times, and after work he made telephone calls or drove to look various places over. None was satisfactory. Those he could afford were dilapidated and in bad neighborhoods, nor was there anyone there to look after an eleven-year-old boy. The nicer places in private homes where he and Alex could have room and board cost too much and didn’t provide enough privacy. He’d been confident at the beginning, but as days passed and the time neared when he would see Alex, he began to worry. He found himself awake in the middle of the night, squirming mentally.

He was awake after midnight when the landlady knocked on the door and told him the superintendent of the Valley Home for Boys was on the telephone downstairs. Ten minutes later, when he had the news that Alex had run away again, he sat on the edge of the bed, smoking a cigarette and wondering what he would do. It couldn’t go on like this. Alex had also attacked the housemother. The boy was getting worse.

Clem knew there was nothing he could do. He turned off the lights and tried to sleep. It was impossible. He kept wondering where his son was, though after half a dozen runaways he wasn’t as worried as he once had been.

The two boys left the grounds by following the nearly dry riverbed for a mile, and then began crossing through orange groves on dirt roads until they reached the railroad track paralleling the highway toward Los Angeles. The odd shadows of night and the strange sounds made them tingle with excited fear. Alex was thrilled at the freedom, to be able to go wherever his whims dictated.

As midnight neared, the warmth of the day left the air, replaced by a chill. They were on the outskirts of San Fernando and knew they couldn’t walk the downtown streets at this hour without attracting attention from the first passing prowl car. Between the railroad right-of-way and the highway was a large auto wrecking yard stuffed with gutted, truncated vehicles. The yard had a sagging board fence that shivered as they climbed it. They found the hull of a bus and used it to spend the night. Sammy lay on the floor, on shards of glass from a broken window, trembling with the cold, hands between his thighs. Alex sat up, watching the traffic on the highway, the growling diesel trucks outlined in lights, more relentless than the darting automobiles. He thought of Clem, imagining the pain he was causing his father, and yet he was not sorry for running away. Mrs. Cavendish had been wrong, and he’d had to fight back. He had no goal. Once when he ran away he’d gone to Clem’s room, and his father had immediately taken him back to the military school. Alex wouldn’t make that mistake again. They would head toward the ocean and then south toward San Diego.

He didn’t realize that he’d been dozing until he woke up, shivering. The sky was lighter in the east. He touched Sammy’s shoulder, and they left the junkyard, still following the railroad tracks. Sammy wanted to hitchhike, but Alex knew it was still too early, and they were still too close to the Valley Home for Boys.

Hunger drove them to cross a field to the highway and enter a small café, where they spent half their money on pancakes and milk.

Beside the café was a trailer set on blocks and settled to rest. It had a dirt yard and a rope swing hanging from a tree. The yard was cluttered with rusting things, but leaning against the trailer, near the door, was a shiny red bicycle. The blank wall of the café blocked the people there from seeing it, and the trailer was dark and silent.

“Look at that!” Alex said, grabbing Sammy’s arm.

“It’s sure nice.”

“Let’s steal it. We can go a lot faster riding than walking.”

Sammy stared at the mobile home. “What if somebody comes out?”

“If they come out …” He shrugged. “But they’re still asleep.”

Sammy said nothing, but his face registered his fear.

“I’ll get it,” Alex said. “You keep walking along the road, and I’ll pick you up.” Alex’s young voice contained the hint of a sneer.

Sammy hesitated, but one fear overcame another and he began trudging along the highway shoulder. Alex waited until Sammy was about a hundred yards away, then moved quietly across the yard. When he reached the side of the trailer he froze, listening for signs of someone moving. All was silent. He took the bicycle by the handlebars and walked it across to the highway, where he mounted and began to pedal. Up the road Sammy was walking, looking back over his shoulder. When he saw Alex, Sammy waited. A minute later they were on their way.

It took all day to cross the city of Los Angeles. Late in the morning they stole a second bicycle from a park playground, and thereafter they played follow-the-leader, weaving on sidewalks and down alleys and around automobiles. The day was warm but bleak and overcast until early afternoon. They wandered down side streets in both middle-class and slum neighborhoods. It was an exploration of uncharted land where they might meet any adventure. They stopped to rest and play in places as diverse as a huge gravel pit (they were coated with white dust when they left) and a small park with a public swimming pool. Once they had to walk the bicycles up a long grade, but they raced wildly down several miles on the other side, laughing at the wind in their faces. By late afternoon they’d traveled almost fifty miles from where they started and were in Long Beach. Dinner was milk and sweet rolls shoplifted from a small market, gulped on the beach in the shadow of the immense amusement pier. Night arrived, and the gala lights, smells of hot dogs and onions and candy apples, and carnival sounds beckoned to them. They wandered around the amusement pier, which overflowed onto a wide boardwalk. They had no money for rides nor for what was giving off good smells, but they wandered with the crowd and poked their noses wherever they could, forgetting temporarily that they were still hungry. Movie theaters were numerous and cheap. One was showing a Boris Karloff double feature—The Mummy and Frankenstein—and they couldn’t resist the lure of being frightened. Alex bought one ticket for twenty cents—leaving them another twenty-five cents—went inside, then opened an exit door so Sammy could slip in. They stayed through two shows—until the lights went on as the theater closed.