5,99 €
Mehr erfahren.
- Herausgeber: Sandstone Press
- Kategorie: Lebensstil
- Sprache: Englisch
- Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022
'An utter delight. 10 out of 10!' Harry Mount, editor of The Oldie A charming gift book of pleas, put downs, misplaced career guidance and character assessments collected from the school reports and memoirs of celebrities and ordinary people from across the UK and Ireland. Featuring household names such as Benedict Cumberbatch, David Bowie, Sandi Toksvig, Sir Billy Connolly, and even members of the Royal family, this collection will have readers laughing and digging out their own school reports.
Das E-Book können Sie in Legimi-Apps oder einer beliebigen App lesen, die das folgende Format unterstützen:
Ähnliche
First published in Great Britain in 2022 by
Sandstone Press LtdPO Box 41Muir of OrdIV6 7YXScotland
www.sandstonepress.com
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form without the express written permission of the publisher.
Copyright © James Thellusson 2022
The moral right of James Thellusson to be recognised as the author of this work has been asserted in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
ISBN: 978-1-913207-65-6ISBNe: 978-1-913207-66-3
Cover design by Jason Anscomb
Ebook compilation by Iolaire Typesetting, Newtonmore
To Jenny, Abi, Ben and ‘Hud’ for encouraging me to try harder
CONTENTS
Foreword
The Caustic Quill Awards
The Great British School Report
Troublemakers
Schooled to Rule
Artists and Writers
Glass Ceilings and Crap Careers Advice
Olympians and Muddied Oafs
Top Teachers and Terrible Tyrants
Scientists, Scholars and Teachers’ Pets
The Great British Public
References and Bibliography
FOREWORD
‘There has been a cheerful absence of effort in all his work.’
ANON
Stephen Fry says that his school reports were ‘florid’ in their criticisms of his bad behaviour. P.G. Wodehouse was chastised for writing ‘silly’ rhymes in his classmates’ books. Joanna Lumley remembers school for ‘horrible maths’.
School reports are a snapshot of our school days and a trigger for youthful memories, good and bad. They are a window into who we are, or were, and a source of colourful biographical detail. Vignettes in vinegar, you might say. And it’s this aspect of the school report that makes them fascinating. Kind they often are not, but their cruelty is part of what makes them appealing.
Sadly, too many school reports have been lost to history, burnt in bonfires or buried in boxes hidden in attics around the country. School’s Out is an attempt to stem this loss of biographical biodiversity by collecting together some of the best and worst school reports of Britain’s Royal Family, politicians, comedians and other A-listers since the 18th century.
School’s Out also includes waspish reports from ordinary folk, who willingly submitted their own school reports in response to my research requests. This is the first book to combine the reports of the rich and famous with those of more ordinary mortals. It proves Will Rogers, the actor, was right to say, ‘everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.’ To readers of The Oldie, its editor Harry Mount, and everyone else who sent me their reports, I send my sincere gratitude.
A final note. Education has evolved since Tom Brown’s School Days, when it was okay to roast your classmates in front of a fire and caning was rife across all sectors of the education system. This is not a history book but the material reflects the values and cultures of the institutions from which it comes. It shows some were encouraged, included and inspired by their schools and teachers. Others faced glass ceilings and prejudice. This anthology reflects both experiences.
THE CAUSTIC QUILL AWARDS
In days gone by, writers talked of dipping their quills in bile before writing satirical or caustic pieces. The Caustic Quill Awards is my selection of the best of the worst school reports: each drips with vinegar and few could or would be written now.
Charlotte Brontë: ‘Writes indifferently.’
Anon: ‘This term in Religious Studies we have studied different religions and gods. [They] wrote an engaging and enthusiastic piece about Wayne Rooney.’
Sir Billy Connolly,comedian: ‘I taught your father, and he was an idiot, too.’
Anon: ‘She will start the next term unencumbered by any prior knowledge.’
R. Davis: ‘If this boy spent half as much time doing work instead of finding ways of avoiding the task, he could do well.’
Prince Albert Victor: ‘Apathetic with an abnormally dormant mind.’
C. Durnford, as a young sub-lieutenant in the Royal Navy: ‘A tired-looking officer who gives the impression that the working day is interrupting his sex life.’
Giles Fraser, priest: ‘Like a monkey, [Giles] is intent on displaying himself from his least attractive angle.’
Anon: ‘The only thing original about this essay is the spelling.’
Richard Heller, journalist: ‘It’s not just the cream that floats to the top. It’s the scum too.’
Anon: ‘He has tended to adopt a silly approach to his achievements even to the extent of making a mock show of delight in low marks.’
Jon Snow, broadcaster: ‘Has set himself low standards, which he fails to meet.’
K. Nottage: ‘He is his own worst enemy, though he continues to believe that I am.’
Anon: ‘He can learn nothing till he has learnt to attend.’
F. Nolan: ‘I have failed to change his attitude from mind-numbingly neutral, despite my attempts at anger, humour, threats, irony, heavy sarcasm etc.’
J. Aldridge: ‘I would be grateful if Julia would sometimes allow me to take the class.’
