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Summary of Dear Sister by Michelle Horton: A Memoir of Secrets, Survival, and Unbreakable Bonds
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Dear Sister is a memoir about two sisters, Nikki Addimando and Michelle Horton, who were incarcerated for their abuse. Michelle discovers Nikki had been hiding the abuse for years. She restructures her life to care for Nikki's children while fighting against the criminal justice system. The memoir explores the family's trauma, the danger of keeping truths hidden, and the resilience of the sisters. It turns the suffering into wisdom and a profound story of unbreakable bonds.
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Summary of Dear Sister by Michelle Horton: A Memoir of Secrets, Survival, and Unbreakable Bonds
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NOTE
Nicole Addimando, also known as "Nikki," is a young white mom from a middle-class suburb who has been involved in the #FreeNikki movement. She is one of many women who survive domestic violence only to face State violence, a phenomenon described by journalist Justine van der Leun as "the abuse to prison pipeline." In 2005, 67% of women in New York State prisons who killed someone close to them were abused by the victim of their crime. According to the ACLU, 94% of the nationwide women's prison populations have a history of physical or sexual abuse before incarceration.
These survivors are often hidden from the public due to their communities being invisible, marginalized, or discriminated against. They are often State property, disappearing behind bars and deemed unworthy of basic hygiene and nutritional care. Many of these survivors are separated from their children, who serve their parent's prison sentence, as well as family members who are left behind to raise the kids, pay for phone calls and commissary needs, and manage the ripple effects of imprisonment.
The circles of impact are vast, spreading far beyond an incarcerated person to the community that donates their time and money, and taxpayers who foot the incarceration bill. In 2015, New York State had the highest cost per inmate in the United States at $69,355 a year, a cost that is only rising.
Writing this book has been difficult due to secondary trauma experienced from someone else's domestic violence and incarceration, as well as the experience of having their family's stories weaponized against them. The author aims to bring more of the silent violence in our homes and social structures out into the light, where healing and change can happen.
PART I
TRUTH
BEFORE
On a Wednesday in late August, the author felt a sense of freedom and possibilities ahead as they turned thirty-one. They had a new sister, Nikki, who helped them during the workweek and made their life easier. The author had separated from their husband, Justin, who had struggled with addiction and became disruptive. Nikki proudly told the author that they were different than they used to be and saw their decision to leave their marriage as the most courageous thing they had ever done.
Justin then spiraled down a destructive path, having two headon car accidents, a mysterious new stab wound, and continuously siphoning money from their account. He tracked their phone and stalked their movements. Nikki convinced the author to get a restraining order, and she warned her sister that if anything happened to Noah, she could lose custody. The next day, the author filed for a restraining order and sole custody.
The author felt a sense of freedom and possibilities, having a job they liked, a son they adored, and no one stealing their money. They had family who loved and supported them, friends who rallied around them with love, and a sister who was the greatest gift their mom ever gave them.
The author describes their childhood sibling relationship as normal, but Nikki was more grounded and grounded in the earth. They grew up side by side, but worlds apart. Sisterhood can be complicated, and for them, it was essential. Their mother promised they would become as important to each other as they were promised.
Throughout their twenties, they started to enjoy each other more, sharing recipes, planning birthday parties, and even warning each other about Nikki's period. This kind of sisterhood they had always wanted but hadn't seemed available before.
Nikki's motherhood was impressive to the author, as she was attuned to the kids and nurtured their talents and interests. She was her best self as a mother, and the author learned from her example. With each subsequent child, it was like a string tugging them closer together, finding their way back to each other. They were finally friends.
The author didn't know how they would function without her, but Nikki's kindness and willingness to help made them feel more connected. As Nikki and her partner, Chris, moved away, the author felt a sense of freedom disappear, like the falling leaves. The author's relationship with Nikki was a testament to the importance of sisterhood and the importance of being anchored together.
HOMICIDE
On a Thursday morning, a tense police officer knocked on the door of the narrator's apartment, causing the narrator to panic. The officer confirmed that the narrator was fine and instructed them to pick up her children at the police station. The narrator's mom, who had been staying with the narrator, asked if the narrator was hurt and what had happened to the kids' clothes. The officer told them to obey and follow the officer's directions. The narrator had a suspicion that the incident was coming from Nikki, who had been panicking on Facebook about an investigation by Child Protective Services (CPS) about her abuse by her long-term boyfriend, Chris. The narrator believed that this was a misunderstanding that would soon be cleared up.
Nikki, a mother of two, has been experiencing frequent bruises and bruising, which she believes is normal. The mother, who is close to Nikki and Chris, has been avoiding discussing her injuries with her family. Nikki's shoulder has recently popped out of its socket, and she has been blaming gymnastics for the injury. The mother is concerned about Nikki's health and the police's hasty investigation.
The mother is concerned about being late to work and tries to hide the situation. She arranges for a neighbor to take Noah to school and goes to work at the nonprofit retreat center, Omega Institute. The mother is confused about the situation and wonders if it is a family emergency.
At lunch, the mother receives a text from her mom, stating that Chris's mom had called her. She assumes he was at the police station with Nikki, but she is unsure where Chris is. The mother does not think about the possibility of Nikki being abused by Chris and Chris being arrested, but she does not find any explanation.
Around 5 p.m., the mother receives a text from her mom, stating that Chris has died. Nikki had killed him. The mother is shocked and unsure of what to do next.
GROUNDLESS
The protagonist is shocked to learn that her sister, a stay-at-home mom, has been in jail for murder. She is devastated and wonders how she got a gun. Her mother, who is a stay-at-home mom, doesn't have answers. The protagonist drives home, feeling helpless and confused. She realizes that her sister is the one who killed her father.
The protagonist's mother, Elizabeth, is in a family crisis, and she is worried about her children. Noah, an eight-year-old, has a few neighborhood friends over, and they are chasing each other and screaming. Faye, who has spent most of her two years nursing, is on the living room carpet with her mom.
The protagonist's mom, Elizabeth, gives her a piece of paper with a name and phone number. Elizabeth, who taught Ben's Music Together classes, is the one who has information. The protagonist calls Elizabeth, who tells her that her sister is a bad man.
The protagonist and Michelle, who lives in a quiet gated community, call Elizabeth, who is sorry to be meeting them this way. They both express their shock and sadness at the news. The protagonist is unsure of who to tell her family about the tragedy.
CLARITY
The narrator recalls her childhood with Nikki, a gymnast who had been coached by Chris. She had a history of bruising, including a toy guitar hit by her three-year-old son, but the bruising became more frequent over the past year. The narrator assumed that Nikki was accident-prone due to her exhaustion and motherhood. They suggested she join a gym or take spin classes with the narrator, who would have confided in her if she needed help.
The narrator feels a deep shame for not seeing the full picture of her relationship with Chris. She doesn't see romance, public affection, or shared interests in her relationship, but she doesn't see big blow-out fights or dramatic breakups associated with abusive households. Instead, she sees quiet resignation and a lack of intimacy.
The narrator talks to Nikki about her relationship, but she always responds with shrugs and head shakes. She believes she'll never take the kids away from Chris, even if she's unhappy, and she'll never break up the family. The narrator understands her stick-with-it instinct and the goal of keeping a family intact at all costs. The only reasons she stayed with her husband were to avoid separating a boy from his dad and the hope that things would get better over time.
The narrator questions Elizabeth about how she got a gun from Chris, who she believes is his legally registered gun. She is confused about how she could keep something like that from her. The narrator recalls a previous call with Nikki, who was panicking about a CPS visit. She believes she is overreacting and understands the fear of a government agency accusing her. When she calls, she appears high and disproportionate to her panic.
The narrator reassures her that they are probably covering their asses and offers to listen if something is happening. Nikki interrupts, angry and abrupt, and agrees to let the CPS investigate. This was the last phone call without a recorded line.
COLLECT CALL
The narrator is in a difficult situation after a gun was fired on her family. Two young women with laminated badges, CPS, visit the narrator's home and ask questions. The narrator introduces them to her mom, who is pacing and watching TV with her dad. Jenna, a case worker, talks to the narrator privately.
The narrator's sister, Nikki, calls the narrator to inform her that she was threatened by a gunman who had pulled a gun and threatened to kill her. Nikki explains that she begged for permission to leave, but the man wouldn't let them go. She then talks about Chris's family and how she loves them and her son, Ben.
The narrator is shocked by Nikki's actions and the agony they are experiencing. She believes she did the right thing by saving her family, but Nikki insists it was not the right thing. The narrator feels an urge to be there for her, but their time runs out.
The narrator cries for the first time since the knock on their door, and for the first time since the knock, she cries. She feels a mix of emotions, wanting to stay on the floor and cry until she stops breathing, but also knowing that if she said the right things to the right people, they could manage and get Nikki home.
The narrator is preparing to tell her parents about a murder case involving a woman named Nicole. She is unsure how to break the news to her parents, who are expecting answers. She shares information from Elizabeth and Nikki, who are a kind friend, good mother, and educator. Jenna, the narrator's friend, is emotional and unsure if they believe Nikki is a murderer or if they need to cover up wrongdoing. The case was opened by CPS and someone was dead within 24 hours. The narrator's parents later discovered that Nicole had a history of sexual trauma from age 5 and did not confide in her often.
