The Bible of Gay Sex E-Book

Stephan Niederwieser

• Herausgeber: Bruno Gmünder Verlag
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 371

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2013

Beschreibung

Hallelujah! Finally there is a book that tells you ALL you need to know about gay sex. For let's be honest: Talking sex is only easy as long as you can play the part of the experienced lover. Stephan Niederwieser-author of various sex guides-informs you about everything you need to know, whether it's dating, health, the best ways to relax or the responsible use of stimulants. The Bible of Gay Sex is richly illustrated; it's a competent and entertaining book about everyone's favorite pastime.

Leseprobe

This is for all those disciples who are striving for sexual freedom.

And for all the moral guardians: Just chill out!

And for all those priests and monks I’ve ever had sex with (a list of your names wouldn’t fit onto this page!).

And for all the rest of you I’ve had the privilege of “enjoying”!

Of course I mustn’t exclude all the other people I would have liked to enjoy, but regrettably never got my clutches on—you were my inspiration in the wee hours of the night. Oh yes, and sometimes during the day too. In fact, quite often.

This is for the men who over the months and years have groaned, grunted, purred and snored in my arms (you know who you are).

Thank you!

And for Michael.

… groan and think I’m going to deliver a tedious sermon, but I would like to pass on a tiny piece of advice:

This isn’t a cookbook! You can follow recipes without thinking, since the worst thing that can happen to you is that your stomach will bring that home-made soup back up into the light of day without having properly enjoyed it. By contrast, if you’re playing around with yourself or other men it’s not advisable to blindly follow another person’s recommendations.

I have tried most of the techniques and accessories presented here—on myself and other people. But every body is different, and every cock, ass and nipple is an “individual,” so if a given technique doesn’t feel good, don’t practice it. To cut to the chase: The author and publisher accept no liability for any harm or damage that might arise as a result of the information provided here.

Oh, and there’s just one more thing: This manual offers advice to healthy men, so it won’t be any help if you suffer from any kind of erectile or behavioral dysfunction. This book is no substitute for a visit to your doctor!

“If gay men truly want to feel free, they have to overcome their shame,” affirms cultural activist Patrick Moore in his bookBeyond Shame – Reclaiming the Abandoned History of Radical Gay Sexuality.In this interview, he explains why sex is the key to this.

“Let’s party!” Sex is more than the freedom to simply screw around with whomever you like. Sex reinforces your self-confidence.

Why is it important for us to learn to be proud of gay sex as part of our history?

For many gay men under 50, sex without the fear of Aids is a completely alien concept. Their attitude toward sex is filtered through the precise opposite of “rose-tinted glasses,” and is associated with suffering and an early death. They find it difficult to imagine that sex can simply be pleasurable, healthy and playful. On the contrary: Most of them see gay sex as something that’s dangerous, something to be ashamed of. They would do well to remember that there was once a time when sex was extreme but by no means self-destructive.

Being proud of the sex that was enjoyed in the 1960s and 1970s would help gay men to recognize that you don’t have to be ashamed of sex as a part of gay culture.

You claim that suppressing the fact that gay men used to have extreme sex in the past has led to a rise in HIV infection. Why?

If someone deems sex to be shameful and dangerous, it’s highly likely they won’t talk about it. Sex becomes their little secret. I’m a drug advisor, and every day I see how powerful and self-destructive secrets can become. To put it briefly: If I can’t discuss my sexual needs, I run the risk of making decisions that might harm my health. If I’m ashamed to say what turns me on, if I don’t dare to live out my fantasies, I might need drugs and alcohol to experience them all the same. And when I’m under the influence of drugs and alcohol, I might be willing to take part in practices that involve a greater risk of infection.

But surely there’s enough extreme sex: fisting, piss and scat parties all over the place! How much more extreme can sex become?

When I talk about extreme sex in the 1960s and 1970s, I don’t really mean the practices themselves, but the emotional atmosphere in which sex was seen as a political statement and a form of spiritual development. Sure, it’s extreme if someone gets a fist shoved up their ass, but after a while it becomes normalized. What I think is lacking about sex today is the fact that sexual experiences make no contribution to collectively reinventing gay culture. I don’t see much sex—whether it’s in clubs, parks or at parties—that has a ritual or collective nature. On the other hand, I see a whole load of frightened guys who are no longer capable of having sex without drugs.

Homosexuality isn’t a dirty secret. Publicly expressing your affection for another man is the first step toward self-liberation.

How can we regain this atmosphere?

Above all else, the gay community must stop seeing our sex as a dirty secret. Don’t forget that one thing that destroyed the awesome clubs of the 1970s was that all the straights suddenly wanted us to let them in. They’d also want to join in today if we had the courage to take our place in society.

Instead of that, I think there’s been a growing trend over the past decade of gay people, especially rich ones, marginalizing other gay people who don’t conform. If you don’t want to get married, don’t want to adopt children, and don’t want to drive a fancy BMW, you’ll be written off as an “outsider.” But there will always be some people who want to live in a more extreme fashion. And why not? If I’m well-adjusted and not ashamed of my sexuality, why should it bother me if my partner goes AWOL in a sex club for a few days—so long as he doesn’t get wasted on drugs or endanger his health. And it’s altogether possible to have extreme sex without destroying yourself in the process. We need more sexual rituals, like the Body Electric seminars for example, where men from different generations investigate sexuality with one another. These seminars are a wonderful arena for gay men to learn to love within a sexual framework.

What would happen if we were to reclaim this area for ourselves?

I think the gay community would become less superficial if it had a rich history it took pride in. If I chose to value those people who had extreme sex in the 1960s and 1970s, I wouldn’t merely write them off as being “trolls” (what a disrespectful term for older homos!). Young gay men would look up to older men as mentors instead of being bothered by their presence on the scene or even feeling harrassed by them.

Aren’t you afraid your opinions might be misunderstood?

Not in the slightest. What is there to misunderstand about a rallying cry to stop feeling ashamed and playing hide-and-seek? Gay men can only benefit from that, and the rest of society too. If we no longer feel ashamed of ourselves, the straights will also find it easier to accept us.

Wouldn’t society run amok if we were to suddenly become proud of our sexual past?

I can’t fucking wait for society to run amok!

Patrick Mooreis an author, chair of a non-profit-making organization, a cultural activist in Pittsburgh, and founder of theEstate Project for Artists with AIDS(www.artistswithaids.org). BesidesBeyond Shame – Reclaiming the Abandoned History of Radical Gay Sexuality, he has written a non-fiction text about crystal meth:Tweaked – A Crystal Meth Memoir.

I’m certain that one day someone will have the audacity to conduct some research comparing sex manuals from the 1980s, 1990s and subsequent years. They’ll then find some answers in this foreword…

Iwrote my first manual, Sex Tips for Gay Men, at the beginning of the new millennium. In 2004, 2005 and 2006 I then continued to investigate the sexuality of us homosexuals and revealed my findings in the manuals Bend Over!, Blow Me! and Do It Yourself! There’s no doubt that sex has become more extreme. For example, in the 1990s it still tended to be older men who indulged in practices such as fisting, yet much younger men were already expressing an interest in this at the beginning of 2000. The sex toys market is booming. Sex shops used to sell only poorly finished paraphernalia, but for around ten years now there have been an increasing number of manufacturers who are making an effort to provide high-quality products—the demand is there. And whereas my generation still used vaseline and KY to open the gates to heaven, we now have a vast number of lubricants at our disposal—and this is also in response to rising demand.

We Can Finally Get Rid of Condoms Again!

Ten years ago, bareback sex was only an issue for a tiny group of gay men, but these days it’s a topic for the majority of scene media outlets. Although it’s virtually impossible to frighten anyone with Aids nowadays, Hepatitis C is rampant and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) which until recently merely constituted a source of mild annoyance are now on the increase and unfortunately resistant to a large number of antibiotics—so much so that quite a few doom-mongers are now conjuring up the specter of a new gay plague.

The New Sex—Virtual!

It goes without saying that the internet has also transformed sex. Diaper-wearing patent leather fetishists who enjoy sniffing cum-filled socks used to have their work cut out if they wanted to find like-minded playmates, but all they need to do these days is find a suitable title for their profile and in no time at all they’ll be founding their own club. Dating websites were once an insider secret, but now they have even invaded the sanctity of heterosexual households; gays and straights blithely parade their wares and jerk off for both men and women—it doesn’t matter which. But it’s not only cocks that are on display: electro games, piercings made while the camera’s running, amputations or merely wallowing in shit—there no longer seem to be any boundaries.

Sex on Stage

These days people talk about sex almost as if they were discussing the global economic crisis or the latest iPhone apps. Last fall I caught a musical on Hamburg’s sleazy Reeperbahn where the women not only discussed turning tricks and fucking on stage, but even demonstrated how to do it: jerking, blowing, riding—and the grannies in the audience applauded. You might assume that ever since Sex and the City there haven’t been any taboos when it comes to talking about sex. BUT: If you listen carefully, you’ll notice that people only discuss sex “openly” when it’s about other people having sex, when you can poke fun at sex or get excited about it. Hardly anyone talks about themselves, let alone their own preferences, and if they do they rapidly lower their voice—surely one reason why books like Charlotte Roche’s Wetlands sell so successfully. The exhibitionist revelations of people you might encounter on the street strike a chord with your own desire to finally lay your cards on the table.

Drug Taking Is on the Increase

And that’s not just a problem for straights. Gay men are still affected by this, says Arnd Bächler who’s a gay counselor in Berlin, and whose day-to-day work involves helping people who need/use drugs to overcome their fears and inhibitions in relation to their sexuality. Without drugs they’re incapable of approaching others, and they can’t express their needs if they’re sober.

Let’s Fuck!

So let’s talk about jerking off, blow jobs, fucking and being fucked, about the pleasure of experiencing an orgasm in another man’s hands, about the fear of sex in old age, as well as the sensible use of drugs. I’ll recount my experiences so you can compare them with yours. I hope it helps you to have better, more liberated sex, self-assured sex, and above all, self-determined sex—so that sex will make you happy.

Above: Lance and Leo Ford in 1983; center: Lukas Ridgeston and Johan Paulik in 1994; below: Brent Corrigan in 2006.

Even the best sex tips will be of little use if you never get the opportunity to try them out on someone. So here are the best places, methods and techniques for getting hold of men you can have sex with.

In the age of the internet, cruising (i.e. chasing after men) and flirting are somewhat passé. Lots of gay men type a couple of key facts into their profile (sexual preferences, cock length, and usually an endless list of everything they’re not looking for) and then wait like a spider for some unsuspecting creature to stumble into their web. This has plenty of advantages: You no longer have to loiter in bars, and can make yourself nice ’n’ cozy at home instead. You can also list wild predilections on your profile and not have to explain them to anyone. Quite apart from that, this way of meeting men has for the first time enabled many of them to actually get in contact with like-minded souls. For instance, they may live in the countryside, or not feel accepted on the scene (people with disabilities, older men, transvestites, etc.).

And yet the worldwide web is not always a blessing: There’s a positive aspect to approaching someone in a club, revealing your sexual preferences to a stranger, and overcoming shyness and inhibitions. Unfortunately, there is an ever-growing number of young people who get the impression that in real life you can simply order a man on a chat or dating website: Just tick a few boxes and filter out the undesirable users … although surveys demonstrate that gay men are becoming increasingly isolated.

Warum nicht auch im Schwimmbad? Ranschwimmen, Luft holen und … nein, nicht um Feuer bitten. Zum Anbandeln eignet sich Unverfängliches am Besten, z.B. „Ist dir das in der Sonne nicht zu heiß?“

On the Internet

There’s an unwritten law that you have to be young, muscular and flawless if you want to grab a man, so lots of people put retouched photos, ones of themselves in their youth, or even pictures of completely different people on their profiles. They make themselves younger and give themselves bigger dicks. Now, you can either get worked up about this or simply accept it. If it’s important to you to know who you’re making a date with, you should pay attention to the following: