CHAPTER I
"There
Are Heroisms All Round Us"Mr.
Hungerton, her father, really was the most tactless person upon
earth,—a fluffy, feathery, untidy cockatoo of a man, perfectly
good-natured, but absolutely centered upon his own silly self. If
anything could have driven me from Gladys, it would have been the
thought of such a father-in-law. I am convinced that he really
believed in his heart that I came round to the Chestnuts three days a
week for the pleasure of his company, and very especially to hear his
views upon bimetallism, a subject upon which he was by way of being
an authority.For
an hour or more that evening I listened to his monotonous chirrup
about bad money driving out good, the token value of silver, the
depreciation of the rupee, and the true standards of exchange."Suppose,"
he cried with feeble violence, "that all the debts in the world
were called up simultaneously, and immediate payment insisted
upon,—what under our present conditions would happen then?"I
gave the self-evident answer that I should be a ruined man, upon
which he jumped from his chair, reproved me for my habitual levity,
which made it impossible for him to discuss any reasonable subject in
my presence, and bounced off out of the room to dress for a Masonic
meeting.At
last I was alone with Gladys, and the moment of Fate had come! All
that evening I had felt like the soldier who awaits the signal which
will send him on a forlorn hope; hope of victory and fear of repulse
alternating in his mind.She
sat with that proud, delicate profile of hers outlined against the
red curtain. How beautiful she was! And yet how aloof! We had been
friends, quite good friends; but never could I get beyond the same
comradeship which I might have established with one of my
fellow-reporters upon the Gazette,—perfectly frank, perfectly
kindly, and perfectly unsexual. My instincts are all against a woman
being too frank and at her ease with me. It is no compliment to a
man. Where the real sex feeling begins, timidity and distrust are its
companions, heritage from old wicked days when love and violence went
often hand in hand. The bent head, the averted eye, the faltering
voice, the wincing figure—these, and not the unshrinking gaze and
frank reply, are the true signals of passion. Even in my short life I
had learned as much as that—or had inherited it in that race memory
which we call instinct.Gladys
was full of every womanly quality. Some judged her to be cold and
hard; but such a thought was treason. That delicately bronzed skin,
almost oriental in its coloring, that raven hair, the large liquid
eyes, the full but exquisite lips,—all the stigmata of passion were
there. But I was sadly conscious that up to now I had never found the
secret of drawing it forth. However, come what might, I should have
done with suspense and bring matters to a head to-night. She could
but refuse me, and better be a repulsed lover than an accepted
brother.So
far my thoughts had carried me, and I was about to break the long and
uneasy silence, when two critical, dark eyes looked round at me, and
the proud head was shaken in smiling reproof. "I have a
presentiment that you are going to propose, Ned. I do wish you
wouldn't; for things are so much nicer as they are."I
drew my chair a little nearer. "Now, how did you know that I was
going to propose?" I asked in genuine wonder."Don't
women always know? Do you suppose any woman in the world was ever
taken unawares? But—oh, Ned, our friendship has been so good and so
pleasant! What a pity to spoil it! Don't you feel how splendid it is
that a young man and a young woman should be able to talk face to
face as we have talked?""I
don't know, Gladys. You see, I can talk face to face with—with the
station-master." I can't imagine how that official came into the
matter; but in he trotted, and set us both laughing. "That does
not satisfy me in the least. I want my arms round you, and your head
on my breast, and—oh, Gladys, I want——"She
had sprung from her chair, as she saw signs that I proposed to
demonstrate some of my wants. "You've spoiled everything, Ned,"
she said. "It's all so beautiful and natural until this kind of
thing comes in! It is such a pity! Why can't you control yourself?""I
didn't invent it," I pleaded. "It's nature. It's love.""Well,
perhaps if both love, it may be different. I have never felt it.""But
you must—you, with your beauty, with your soul! Oh, Gladys, you
were made for love! You must love!""One
must wait till it comes.""But
why can't you love me, Gladys? Is it my appearance, or what?"She
did unbend a little. She put forward a hand—such a gracious,
stooping attitude it was—and she pressed back my head. Then she
looked into my upturned face with a very wistful smile."No
it isn't that," she said at last. "You're not a conceited
boy by nature, and so I can safely tell you it is not that. It's
deeper.""My
character?"She
nodded severely."What
can I do to mend it? Do sit down and talk it over. No, really, I
won't if you'll only sit down!"She
looked at me with a wondering distrust which was much more to my mind
than her whole-hearted confidence. How primitive and bestial it looks
when you put it down in black and white!—and perhaps after all it
is only a feeling peculiar to myself. Anyhow, she sat down."Now
tell me what's amiss with me?""I'm
in love with somebody else," said she.It
was my turn to jump out of my chair."It's
nobody in particular," she explained, laughing at the expression
of my face: "only an ideal. I've never met the kind of man I
mean.""Tell
me about him. What does he look like?""Oh,
he might look very much like you.""How
dear of you to say that! Well, what is it that he does that I don't
do? Just say the word,—teetotal, vegetarian, aeronaut, theosophist,
superman. I'll have a try at it, Gladys, if you will only give me an
idea what would please you."She
laughed at the elasticity of my character. "Well, in the first
place, I don't think my ideal would speak like that," said she.
"He would be a harder, sterner man, not so ready to adapt
himself to a silly girl's whim. But, above all, he must be a man who
could do, who could act, who could look Death in the face and have no
fear of him, a man of great deeds and strange experiences. It is
never a man that I should love, but always the glories he had won;
for they would be reflected upon me. Think of Richard Burton! When I
read his wife's life of him I could so understand her love! And Lady
Stanley! Did you ever read the wonderful last chapter of that book
about her husband? These are the sort of men that a woman could
worship with all her soul, and yet be the greater, not the less, on
account of her love, honored by all the world as the inspirer of
noble deeds."She
looked so beautiful in her enthusiasm that I nearly brought down the
whole level of the interview. I gripped myself hard, and went on with
the argument."We
can't all be Stanleys and Burtons," said I; "besides, we
don't get the chance,—at least, I never had the chance. If I did, I
should try to take it.""But
chances are all around you. It is the mark of the kind of man I mean
that he makes his own chances. You can't hold him back. I've never
met him, and yet I seem to know him so well. There are heroisms all
round us waiting to be done. It's for men to do them, and for women
to reserve their love as a reward for such men. Look at that young
Frenchman who went up last week in a balloon. It was blowing a gale
of wind; but because he was announced to go he insisted on starting.
The wind blew him fifteen hundred miles in twenty-four hours, and he
fell in the middle of Russia. That was the kind of man I mean. Think
of the woman he loved, and how other women must have envied her!
That's what I should like to be,—envied for my man.""I'd
have done it to please you.""But
you shouldn't do it merely to please me. You should do it because you
can't help yourself, because it's natural to you, because the man in
you is crying out for heroic expression. Now, when you described the
Wigan coal explosion last month, could you not have gone down and
helped those people, in spite of the choke-damp?""I
did.""You
never said so.""There
was nothing worth bucking about.""I
didn't know." She looked at me with rather more interest. "That
was brave of you.""I
had to. If you want to write good copy, you must be where the things
are.""What
a prosaic motive! It seems to take all the romance out of it. But,
still, whatever your motive, I am glad that you went down that mine."
She gave me her hand; but with such sweetness and dignity that I
could only stoop and kiss it. "I dare say I am merely a foolish
woman with a young girl's fancies. And yet it is so real with me, so
entirely part of my very self, that I cannot help acting upon it. If
I marry, I do want to marry a famous man!""Why
should you not?" I cried. "It is women like you who brace
men up. Give me a chance, and see if I will take it! Besides, as you
say, men ought to MAKE their own chances, and not wait until they are
given. Look at Clive—just a clerk, and he conquered India! By
George! I'll do something in the world yet!"She
laughed at my sudden Irish effervescence. "Why not?" she
said. "You have everything a man could have,—youth, health,
strength, education, energy. I was sorry you spoke. And now I am
glad—so glad—if it wakens these thoughts in you!""And
if I do——"Her
dear hand rested like warm velvet upon my lips. "Not another
word, Sir! You should have been at the office for evening duty half
an hour ago; only I hadn't the heart to remind you. Some day,
perhaps, when you have won your place in the world, we shall talk it
over again."And
so it was that I found myself that foggy November evening pursuing
the Camberwell tram with my heart glowing within me, and with the
eager determination that not another day should elapse before I
should find some deed which was worthy of my lady. But who—who in
all this wide world could ever have imagined the incredible shape
which that deed was to take, or the strange steps by which I was led
to the doing of it?And,
after all, this opening chapter will seem to the reader to have
nothing to do with my narrative; and yet there would have been no
narrative without it, for it is only when a man goes out into the
world with the thought that there are heroisms all round him, and
with the desire all alive in his heart to follow any which may come
within sight of him, that he breaks away as I did from the life he
knows, and ventures forth into the wonderful mystic twilight land
where lie the great adventures and the great rewards. Behold me,
then, at the office of the Daily Gazette, on the staff of which I was
a most insignificant unit, with the settled determination that very
night, if possible, to find the quest which should be worthy of my
Gladys! Was it hardness, was it selfishness, that she should ask me
to risk my life for her own glorification? Such thoughts may come to
middle age; but never to ardent three-and-twenty in the fever of his
first love.