The Secrets of Happiness E-Book

Lois Blyth

• Herausgeber: CICO Books
• Kategorie: Ratgeber
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2015

Seitenzahl: 157

Beschreibung

Swap worry and anxiety for joy and contentment and choose to live in a happier way. Happiness is like a riddle. The more we want it and the more we seek it, the more elusive it becomes. And yet, when we are least conscious of looking for it, it can envelop us in a warm sense of contentment and belonging, making a single moment precious and valuable beyond measure. A feeling of happiness has the power to light up our whole being. Scientists will tell us that it has the power to heal and to extend life. It is the ingredient we all seek to make our lives complete. Like the air we breathe, we are not conscious that we need it, until it disappears. Happiness makes us feel glad to be alive. The Secrets of Happiness offers you a more joyous approach to living and thinking; a shift in approach that may reframe your view of the world; simple things you can do to re-consider your life - consciously - so that you can decide whether now is the time when you can be happier. It includes strategies to warm the heart and open the mind to the extraordinary power of happiness. It shares the experiences of others and provides the closest we might have to a happiness 'formula'. The good news is, happiness is within everyone's grasp. It has the power to transform, heal and restore life back to one worth living.

Leseprobe

The Secretsof Happiness

The Secretsof Happiness

HOW TO LOVE LIFE,LAUGH MORE, AND LIVE LONGER

Lois Blyth

Published in 2013 by CICO BooksAn imprint of Ryland Peters & Small Ltd519 Broadway, 5th floor, New York NY 1001220–21 Jockey’s Fields, London WC1R 4BW

www.cicobooks.com

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Text © Sarah Sutton 2013Design and photography © CICO Books 2013

The author’s moral rights have been asserted. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher.

A CIP catalog record for this book is available from the Library of Congress and the British Library.

eISBN 978 1 782492 97 9ISBN 978 1 908862 81 5

Printed in China

Editor: Marion PaullDesigner: Teo Connor StudioIllustrator: Amy Louise Evans

For digital editions, visit

www.cicobooks.com/apps.php

Contents

∗

Introduction

What Is Happiness?

The Healing Power of Happiness

The Barriers to Happiness

The Secrets of Happiness

How To Live a Happy Life

What Makes You Happy?

The Quest for Happiness

Acknowledgements

Books

Resources

References

Introduction

Happiness is like a riddle. The more we want it and the more we seek it, the more elusive it becomes. And yet, when we are least conscious of looking for it, it can envelop us in a warm sense of contentment and belonging, making a single moment precious and valuable beyond measure. A feeling of happiness has the power to light up our whole being. It is elemental. It can be triggered by the smallest event. Scientists will tell us that it has the power to heal and to extend life. It is the ingredient we all seek to make our lives complete. Like the air we breathe, we are not conscious that we need it, until it disappears. Happiness makes us feel glad to be alive.

Why are some people happy and others not? People may be healthy and wealthy beyond measure but still feel discontented or unhappy. Are we born happy? Can we learn to be happy? Where does it come from and how can we live happier and more contented lives? There is no single path to happiness, because everyone views the world slightly differently, and each person’s road to contentment is unique.

The happiness habit is an easy one to acquire. The difficult bit for some is choosing to step away from un-happiness and deciding, wholeheartedly, and with total commitment, that happiness is something that you really do want—and that you deserve. The challenge for others is choosing to step out of the place of comfort and familiarity and to start experiencing new challenges that inspire you to live your life in a different and vibrant way.

Happiness requires you to adopt a new way of seeing the events in your life, involving a willingness to let go of the past and to recognize that things don’t happen to you—they just happen. And they happen either because you helped to make them happen, or because you just happened to be there at the time. Personal disappointments and tragedies can have such a profoundly numbing effect that it is possible to put your life on hold—for years. But even in our darkest hours we can choose to see the glimmer of light that tells us there is joy to be had, in every situation, and there is the promise of a happier outcome, if we choose to look for it.

The Secrets of Happiness offers you a more joyous approach to living and thinking; a shift that may reframe your view of the world. It shows you simple things you can decide to do, consciously, so that now becomes the time when you can start to be happier. It includes strategies to warm the heart and open the mind to the extraordinary power of happiness. It shares the experiences of others and provides the closest we might have to a happiness “formula.” The good news is that happiness is within everyone’s grasp. It has the power to transform, heal, and restore life to one that is worth living.

The Secrets of Happiness has a simple mission—to offer hope to those who feel that happiness is eluding them; to offer ways of thinking about the state of happiness that can create a sense of joy and contentment; and to encourage those who are happy to value, share, and discover more ways to live a truly fulfilled and enjoyable life. In the words of Max Ehrmann’s Desiderata, “Be careful. Strive to be happy.”

Identity and Freedom

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

The Declaration of Independence, July 4, 1776.

The pursuit of happiness is part of our identity as human beings. For Americans, it is part of national identity, embedded in the heart of the United States’ Declaration of Independence. The Declaration, signed after a long period of war and disagreement, confirmed the desire of the 13 States to become independent of the British Empire. Part of the US government’s responsibility to the people remains, “to effect their Safety and Happiness.” At government level, the concept of happiness is synonymous with a desire for freedom.

CHAPTER 1

What isHappiness?

Discover theHappiness Habit

“There is no way to happiness; happiness is the way.”

Buddhist proverb

Have you smiled at yourself in the mirror lately? Did the smile come easily, or did it feel as if the muscles in your face need a little exercise?

Most young children are happiness magnets. All they need is love, safety, and space to play to create a world where fun is but a laugh and a smile away. As we grow older many people lose the happiness habit; they swap fun and spontaneity for professional aspirations and personal responsibilities. Pressure of time leads to living life in a rush, with face tense and very little time to “stop and stare”; tasks become chores rather than achievements; true happiness becomes a rare commodity saved for weekends, vacations, and special occasions.

If you want happiness for an hour; take a nap.

If you want happiness for a day; go fishing.

If you want happiness for a month; get married.

If you want happiness for a year; inherit a fortune.

If you want happiness for a lifetime; help someone else.

Chinese saying

You don’t need to reach a full-blown state of un-happiness to be aware that you would prefer your life to be more joyful, more relaxed, or more fulfilling. The signals show up in body language and the things we do and say. How often have you heard a less-than-happy person say, “I wish …,” “I should have …,” “If only …,” “I can’t because …,” “You’re lucky …,” “I’m so tired …” followed by a frown and a deep sigh?

The danger is that discontent can become a familiar reflex. It is all too easy to drift along in a state of grumbling dissatisfaction, sometimes for years, blaming circumstances, waiting for something to happen, and finding every excuse not to make the changes that could transform life and make you happier.

Read on to discover whether you have invested in one of the Myths of Happiness and how you can choose a new way of approaching your future.

The danger is that discontent can become a familiar reflex.

MYTH NUMBER 1:

If I Was Rich, I Would Be Happier

“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.”

George Carlin

Happiness expert Srikumar Rao believes that we spend most of our lives learning to be unhappy instead of enjoying the pleasure of feeling vibrantly alive. This is because we spend so much time thinking about what we have to get before we can be happy; and because we tell ourselves we have failed if the outcome is not exactly as we expect it to be. We tell ourselves IF we have a better job, more money, a nicer house, a more attractive partner, a better car, THEN we will be happy.

The flaw in this argument, as he points out, is that anything you get, you can also lose—at which point not only are you are left without it, you also become unhappy, and you probably blame yourself for the loss.

As long as we are attaching importance to things external to ourselves—and as long as we are intent on criticizing the present and contrasting it with an idealized future—we will always be discontented. The closer we get to our destination, the more we will want to upgrade to something else, so will never reach the place where happiness is. We will never truly see and appreciate what we already have.

Contrast this with the way we feel when we see a beautiful rainbow, or a sunset, or something of beauty in the natural world. The effect on most people will be to “stop and stare” and to experience a moment of stillness and wonder. In Rao’s words, in that moment of appreciation you are truly happy because, “You accepted the Universe exactly as it was,” with no hint of criticism or wishing it was somewhere else or somehow different.

The Experience of Living Simply

If you had only 24 hours left on this earth, would you go shopping or would you want to spend time with those you care about?

Money can’t buy happiness, although it can, of course, buy fun, thrills, and enjoyment in the short-term. The culture of acquiring possessions, home-making, and dressing well is rooted deep within our psyche and very few people would be willing to give it all up and to choose a non-material way of life in order to achieve happiness. However, material possessions are passive. They cannot love us, or talk to us, or make us laugh—but they do have the potential to leave us comparing what we have with others, and so to feed dissatisfaction, encouraging us to feel nothing will ever be enough.

Take time, right now, to consider all the non-material things that you have to be grateful for. During the course of your life, what or who has made you smile, laugh, feel loved, feel alive, feel curious, feel happy?

∗ Are you thinking about your love of music, running, climbing, singing, reading, dancing?

∗ Are you appreciating your friends, your family, your lover, your children?

∗ Are you remembering places you have visited, the beauty you have seen, the air you have breathed?

∗ Are you imagining the joy of a kiss, a scent, a taste, or a feeling?

∗ Are you treasuring a memory of someone no longer here?

The natural pleasures that we enjoy for free make us happy without dissatisfaction or judgment. It is enough that they are there. These are the riches that make us truly happy; and this is the kind of happiness that makes us truly rich.

MYTH NUMBER 2:

If I Had a Better Job,I Would Be Happier

“Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.”

Dale Carnegie

There is great joy to be had in working hard to achieve something, or putting in effort to earn a reward. Few people would look around at the home they have created, or consider the task they have completed, or the exams they have passed, and think to themselves, “I really wish I hadn’t had such success!” Most of us are justifiably proud of our achievements and the effort that went into reaching the outcome. Achievement is inspiring. Moments of celebration lift everyone’s spirits. Good news helps others to think about what is possible, too.

Nowhere is this more obvious than in sport or adventure. When the first man on the moon, astronaut Neil Armstrong, died, thousands of adults recollected the impact the moon landings had had on their own lives. When millions of people around the world watch the Olympic Games, they are united in their desire for their favored competitor to win. Success, like so many of life’s experiences, is enriched when it is shared.

Why, then, are so many successful people unhappy and dissatisfied with their lives? Why, when we strive so hard to be successful, does it not always bring us joy? Why do so many successful people consider themselves to be failures?

Darwin told us that the future of all species depends on the survival of the fittest; from birth we are rewarded for things we do well and are encouraged to be the best we can be. In the work place, results are rewarded with a promotion or a pay rise. Human beings are naturally competitive and striving to become the best we can be can bring great prizes. We become extremely attached to our achievements. They define us.

However, when we invest more in our status than in our joy of work, several things happen:

∗ Fear of failure may lead us to play safe, leading to boredom and lack of personal growth.

∗ Over time, our work goals and our life goals may start to conflict rather than support one another.

∗ We may become detached from the task, or may dislike or resent it.

∗ We may continue in a profession because we are good at what we do, and it is comfortable, rather than because we feel joy in our work.

∗ If we lose status or are made redundant, we lose our sense of self, because so much has been invested in the role. It can take years to build up confidence and self-esteem once again.

∗ Many people in high-pressured jobs feel that they need to carry the weight upon their shoulders and do everything themselves. They feel they can’t ask for help. They overlook the fact that the greatest successes are achieved as a team.

Rather than investing in an outcome over which you cannot possibly have full control, the secret of happiness is to focus instead on the process of achievement, recognizing that each step is an achievement in its own right, and each marks progress on the way to reaching your ultimate goal. The key to getting a better job is first to focus on the one you have and to do it to the best of your ability.

The Joy of the Task

Like all the secrets of happiness, the pathway to finding happiness at work begins in the mind. Try this exercise both to change your mindset and discover what kind of work would make you happier.

∗ Before you go to sleep tonight, find something positive to say or think about going to work in the morning and write it down. It doesn’t matter how large or small that thing is. It need have nothing to do with the work itself; you might enjoy the journey to work, bantering with colleagues or being paid at the end of the month. Whatever it is, write it down.

∗ When you wake up the following day, pay attention to how you feel about going to work. Is your first thought positive or negative? If it is positive, write it down. If it is negative, read the positive thought you had last night and think again. Can you swap your positive for a negative? Write that down. Even extreme negatives can be reframed into positives. Instead of “I hate my job,” try thinking, “Knowing how unhappy I am in my work shows me that I would be better suited to work that is …” (Only you can fill in the gap.)

∗ Think about each task that you have to complete during each day and focus on how good it feels to complete each one. Acknowledge to yourself how well you have done and consider how you could do it even better next time.

∗ If you keep this up over the period of a month, three things will happen. First, you will have a list of at least 60 things that make you feel happy and positive about your job that you will have repeated every day; second, you will notice more things about your work that you enjoy, which will make you feel happier at work, and will make others react more positively toward you. Thirdly, if you are still unhappy, you will know much more about what kind of work would suit you better.

Creativity expert Sir Ken Robinson has written extensively about the importance of having a passion for what you do. When your work is your passion, the lines between work and leisure blur, and you are aware of enjoying your life and loving what you do. Considering that we spend a great percentage of our lives working, we owe it to ourselves to be as happy at work as we can be. Of course, it is not always possible to make a living from the skill you most value or enjoy—and sometimes it is more fun to keep your passion as a hobby, so you can pursue it on your own terms. For some people the joy of the task comes from the work itself; for others it is all about their colleagues, the banter, and the environment. The underlying principle is that there are always ways, means, and colleagues who can turn a basic chore into fun; or a major challenge into an adventure.

MYTH NUMBER 3:

If I Was More Attractive, I Would Be Happier

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

We live in a world where office workers choose to undergo minor cosmetic enhancements during their lunch hour; where celebrities of every age pay extraordinary amounts to get their breasts, buttocks, noses, and other body parts restructured, when no one else had noticed their presumed flaws. Thousands of people around the world who are blessed with beauty are unhappy with the way they look and think that losing weight, gaining weight, buying a designer sweater, or changing their hair color will somehow make them feel better about themselves. Children as young as ten are suffering from eating disorders. What on earth is going on? Have we reached a point where we value looks over substance? Youth over ageing? At what point did beauty start to mean everyone has to try to look the same?

At what point did beauty start to mean everyone has to try to look the same?