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Dating can be exciting and fun or depressing and frustrating. You get to choose. I have chosen fun and exciting. I enjoy meeting new people. It allows me to learn from other experiences and also learn more about myself. My interactions with people have allowed me to gain so much insight into human nature.
I have learned to accept that no one is perfect, yet everyone is entitled to live their life as they see fit. I have no judgment only acceptance. It took me forever to really learn what that means. It means that just because I would like to get to know you does not mean that you need to feel the same. It is ok to walk away when you know it is not working out. It has nothing to do with the other person but with me and my wants and this is fine.
Life will still go the way it always will. If my expectations are unrealistic life will make it crystal clear. If I am on point, then I will reap the benefits. In either case, it is about taking accountability and responsibility for my own actions and thoughts. I have the power to make myself happy or sad. I have the power to become successful or fail.
I have chosen to believe in myself by walking not in my feelings but in the actions that have proven success. I hope that my views can help you to see that the only one out here who can make you reach your goal is a realistic you and not your feelings.
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Darrin Huff
You Could Be the Problem
All rights reserved
Copyright © 2024 by Darrin Huff
No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
Published by Spines
ISBN: 979-8-89383-055-2
You Could Be the Problem
Dating in the Modern Era
Darrin Huff
Contents
Acknowledgments
Introduction
1. No One Cares
2. Remember Back In The Day
3. Welcome To Reality TV Dating
4. What Type Of Man Are You?
5. What Type Of Woman Are You?
6. The Strong And Independent Era
7. Can Men Be Friends With Women?
8. The Friend Zone
9. The Dating Syndrome
10. The Broken Family
11. The Interview
12. Cheating
13. Shame, Insult And The Need To Be Right
14. Why Are You So Angry?
15. Why are you following the crowd
16. YOU CAN NOT Please Them
17. Here are the consequences of Irresponsibility
18. Divorce
Bibliography
Acknowledgments
I would like to thank my friends and co-workers for the motivation in helping me write my book. They were all amazing in helping me temper my feelings. I can be very passionate on this topic and can at times loose focus. Lol
I also would like to thank my son Darrin and my daughter Denae for being so amazing and making me the most proud father. This book is my way of sharing with them my insights on dating and how to avoid the most common mistakes while dating. My babies walk your life as you see fit and know that your dad is very proud of you and I am so very proud to have you as my children.
Introduction
In this day and age, I have noticed that there is a huge divide between men and women in the dating world. There have been a lot of conversations on TikTok, Facebook, and on all the other social media platforms about how dating has changed. So, I just wanted to give my two cents.
With the advice of friends whom I have shared my dating experience with, they had urged me to put my thoughts to paper. Please take my opinions with a grain of salt. I am not talking to everyone because this does not apply to everyone.
My writing is focused on reaching people who are tired of getting the same old results and don’t know why. People who are sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Now, my thoughts may trigger a lot of people, and if they do, then you should ask yourself why. I don’t know you, and I did not mention any names at all. So why are you triggered? Could it be because you have heard, read, experienced, or even talked about this subject and are still unable to get the results that you want? It could be you love being the victim and want to cry to anyone who is willing to listen. Well, guess what? No one cares!
No one cares because this is a YOU problem and not an us problem. You are not a victim. You are a product of your own insecurities. You are experiencing the results of your bad decisions and never learning from them. What you are is a misunderstood person who just needs therapy. Stop blaming everyone and everything for your problems. Look in a mirror; you have created your own problems, not God, your momma, your daddy, your auntie, not your boss, not your co-worker. It’s all you. So, in order to find better, you must become a better version of yourself.
So, I hope that my insights will help you to choose better and to get out of your own way.
You can do it.
No One Cares
I have talked with a lot of men and women about dating. The common theme is “all” men and women ain’t shit. When I first heard this, I was like you ain’t never lied. I had just reentered the dating market after being married for 15 years. So, the first thing I did after taking a few months to get my head together was to get back into the dating market.
At first, I thought this should be pretty cool. There are a lot of women who are looking for a decent guy. It shouldn’t take me that long to find someone. LOL Boy, was I delusional. Seven years later, I had come to the realization that dating apps are garbage. When I say garbage, I mean that I was not able to make a meaningful connection with anyone. Dating apps can and do work for a lot of people. I just wasn’t one of them. So, I decided to try something different. I decided to try a professional matchmaker. My thought was that in order to get a different result that, maybe I should try a different method. I knew the type of woman that I was looking for was special. So, maybe she might be trying the same thing. Nope, it didn’t matter. It wasn’t that I was using the wrong app or looking in the wrong places. The problem was that most of the women who were out in these streets were not worth the effort.
When I was on the dating app, I did find two people whom I wanted to marry and had proposed to. I later had to reject both of them. This is when I had to ask myself why I was meeting the same person in a different body. I couldn’t figure it out on my own. So, I decided to go get therapy. The sessions allowed me to see things more clearly. With this clarity, I came to the realization that this generation of women is not looking for a relationship. They are looking for a lifestyle with entitlement. The funny thing is, regardless of their age, they all seemed to be acting like spoiled, argumentative, entitled children.
Now, upon reflection on all of my encounters. I realized that the problem is the fact that most women fail to take accountability and responsibility for their past and present actions. They choose poorly and then blame the men that they have chosen and chased after for not being the man that they really want. Yeah, ladies, this really sounds like a YOU problem.
The guy’s major problem is that they have become so numb to the process that they would rather either just stop looking or go overseas to find someone. These are the types of guys who have put in the work and know what they are looking for. These are the good guys (more on him later). The problem with this action is that once you bring them back to the U.S., she will become Westernized, and all of the virtue she had when you first met will go out the window.
Men in the pursuit of qualifying for a better-quality woman. We need to become better men. We become better men by:
Become physically fit.Get a job that can support a family.Surround yourself with men with similar goals.Stop making excuses for your shortcomings.So, it is not that there are not any good men or women out here anymore. The reality is that you have not put in the work to be with the type of person you want.
Ladies, to get the man that you want. You must put in some type of work.
Just to be clear, the bare minimum:
Be fit – The ability to execute daily activities with optimal performance, endurance and strength with the management of disease, fatigue, and stress and reduce sedentary behavior.Be friendly – Kind and pleasant.Remember Back In The Day
Remember when you were a young man full of optimism? The very thought of having a girlfriend was exciting. The very first time you asked her out on a date. This was your first time acting as a man. You were making a decision that would affect someone other than yourself. How exciting it was seeing your mom’s face smiling at you as you were cheesing from ear to ear at the news. The proud look your father beamed seeing his son entering manhood. Remember the first time you had to deal with meeting her mom and dad? How nervous were you? It’s funny now when you think back. You have known her family for years, but now that you are going on a date. Her father was acting like this was the first time you have ever met him. LOL, and in a way, it was. This will be the first time that you are no longer being seen as children but as a young adult.
