If You Kiss Me Like That E-Book

Harper Bliss

• Herausgeber: WS
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020

Seitenzahl: 394

Beschreibung

Sometimes love shows up where you least expect it

Ashley ‘Ash’ Cooper is still reeling after her recent divorce, throwing all her energy into her job in The City. When she’s seated next to one of her mother’s friends at a family party, falling in love is the last thing on her mind.

After losing her husband many years ago, Gloria Young rebuilt herself as a single parent. Now that her daughters are both at university, she’s perfectly content with her quiet life in the village of Murraywood.

An unexpectedly enjoyable evening with a friend’s daughter pushes Gloria into exploring a new side of herself.

Will she overcome her fear of what people think and allow herself a new chance at happiness?

And can Ash let go of the past and open herself up to love again?

Best-selling lesbian romance author Harper Bliss brings you a sultry age-gap story about stepping out of your comfort zone and into the warm embrace of love. 

Leseprobe

Contents

Special Offer from the Author

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

Chapter 31

Chapter 32

Chapter 33

Chapter 34

Chapter 35

Chapter 36

Chapter 37

Chapter 38

Chapter 39

Chapter 40

Chapter 41

Chapter 42

Chapter 43

Chapter 44

Chapter 45

Chapter 46

Chapter 47

Chapter 48

A Note from Harper

Another Note from Harper

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About the Author

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ChapterOne

Ash quickly paid the driver and hopped out of the taxi. She was only fifteen minutes late. Very acceptable by her own standards. But her own standards didn’t matter tonight. A swell of laughter came from behind the fogged-up windows of the party venue across the street. The place looked packed already. Of course it was. She couldn’t think of anyone else who would be there tonight who’d had to commute from London on a Friday night—most people at the party would be retired.

She took a deep breath and went inside. Mercifully, Adrian was standing close to the door and he was the first person to greet her.

“Hello stranger,” he said. “You made it.”

“Was there ever any doubt that I would?” Ash gave her brother a hug.

“Maybe you were hoping to get disowned.” Adrian held her at arm’s length and gave her a once-over. “You look like you work too hard.”

“I do work too hard,” Ash said. As well documented by my ex-wife.

“And for what?” Adrian grinned at her.

“I’d better go find Mum before she actually does disown me for being late on this very special birthday.”

“You can’t miss her. She’s the one with all the airs and graces.” Adrian winked at her.

Before Ash found her mother, she had to make her way through a throng of family members she hadn’t seen in a long time. Uncle Bernard hugged her like she was his own long-lost daughter. Auntie Mabel asked if she had a new girlfriend, emphasising the ‘girl’—as though she’d never been to Ash and Charlotte’s wedding. At least Auntie Joan told her she looked good; that was something.

“Darling.” Her mother opened her arms in a dramatic gesture as Ash approached. “There you are.”

“Happy birthday, Mum.” Ash hugged her mother, who held on to her as though she would never let her go again.

“I haven’t seen you in ages.”

“I was in town just last month.” Ash still stood squeezed in her mother’s embrace.

“It’s not enough.” Her mother finally let go of her. “Now that I’m officially retired, you’ll need to spend more time with me. What else am I going to do?”

“That’s why I got you this.” Ash reached into her jacket pocket and got out an envelope.

Her mother smiled widely, then tore it open. “Exchange this voucher for a night on the town with your only daughter,” she read aloud. “Oh, darling, I’m already looking forward to it.” She kissed Ash on the cheek. “This is just for me, right? Your father’s not invited?”

“Just the two of us, Mum.” Ash had racked her brain for a suitable retirement-slash-birthday present until she came to the conclusion that the best thing she could ever give her mother was her time. “No men allowed.”

“You won’t be taking me to one of those bars, will you?” Her mother grinned.

“We’ll see,” Ash teased. “Speaking of men, where’s Dad?”

“Probably by the bar.” Her mother only half succeeded in suppressing an eye-roll. At least she hadn’t said anything about Ash being late. She had probably been too busy luxuriating in all the attention.

“I’m going to find him. I’ll talk to you later.”

Ash waded through the sea of people, trying to find her father. She grabbed a glass of lukewarm Prosecco on the way. Her dad was probably ordering a pint. Prosecco would be too girly for him.

“Ashley.” Before Ash was able to find her father, Aunt Daisy, her father’s only sister and Ash’s godmother, grabbed her by the arm. “Come here.”

Ash dutifully hugged her godmother. It had been a long week and it would be capped by a very long night. Not that Ash didn’t appreciate spending time with her family, but all of them concentrated in a room like this was a bit much. The last time all these people had gathered, had been at her and Charlotte’s wedding. Even though it had been the middle of July, it had rained all day, and the whole event had to take place inside. A bad omen if ever there was one.

“How are you?” Aunt Daisy’s tone was full of compassion—or was it pity?

“I’m fine. And you?” Aunt Daisy was well into her seventies now and getting her to list all her physical ailments would distract her from her goddaughter’s failed marriage for a while.

Ash emptied her glass of Prosecco while listening to her godmother, who, instead of discussing her health, raved about her grandchildren. Ash wasn’t sure which was worse.

She caught a glimpse of her father, his elbow propped onto the bar. Ash managed to free herself from the conversation, with the promise that they would continue it later, and finally went to greet her father. That burly man who couldn’t stop tears streaming down his cheeks on his daughter’s wedding day. Ash didn’t know if his cheeks had remained dry on the day the divorce had been finalised. She guessed not, but she would never ask.

“I could murder one of those.” Ash pointed at her dad’s pint.

“Hi, darling,” her father said, as though he had just seen her a few hours ago. “Coming right up.” He gestured to the barman first, before curling an arm around Ash’s shoulders. “How are you?” He gave her shoulder a squeeze.

“Fine.” Fine, fine, fine. The number of times Ash had uttered that word since she and Charlotte had separated. As though it had to be repeated often enough to reassure everyone around her that she was, indeed, fine.

While she waited for her pint, it was as though everyone’s gaze was aimed at her, as they wondered where Ash’s wife was, and why Ash was there alone. What had gone so horribly wrong between the couple they had witnessed getting married only a few years ago?

“Here you go.” Her dad offered her the beer. Ash gulped it eagerly. She had wolfed down a pack of crisps on the train so she wouldn’t have to drink on an empty stomach. Because drink, she would. Facing her entire family for the first time since she and Charlotte had divorced would not happen without an alcoholic beverage firmly clasped in her hand throughout the evening. “How’s work?”

“The same,” Ash said. It was as though arriving at this party had catapulted her into a parallel universe. Even though Murraywood wasn’t too many miles from London, to Ash it always felt a bit like travelling to a different time and a vastly different place.

Her dad grunted, just the way she had expected him to do. Ash and her father didn’t have many in-depth conversations. Sustained silences didn’t make them uncomfortable. They excelled at this very thing in each other’s company. When she needed a break from it all, there was no place Ash would rather be than in the pub, next to her dad, with a cold pint in her hand. He didn’t require any explanations from her. He didn’t need her to express her innermost feelings to him. Just being there was always enough.

Of course, tonight, they weren’t in The Horse and Groom, the pub her father had frequented all his adult life. They were at her mother’s sixty-fifth birthday party at The Pavilion, Murraywood’s prime venue-for-hire. There wasn’t a lot of peace to be found, what with the endless parade of family members and friends of her parents milling about. The only younger people there were Ash and Adrian and his wife, whom he had miraculously managed to hold on to for almost fifteen years. Another case of her younger brother outperforming her in the feats of life. He and Lizzie had also managed to procreate, as straight people tend to do, and had produced two adorable grandchildren for their parents to dote on.

When she and Charlotte had got married, Ash had believed that, finally, she had done something right by the standards this world still seemed to operate on. Until the divorce, of course.

“Ashley Cooper.” Ash heard her full name being boomed behind her. “As I live and breathe.” A cold hand squeezed her neck. Christ. Some people were just too loose with their touch. “Look at you.”

“Gloria Young.” An instant smile formed on Ash’s lips. She had always liked Gloria.

“Is this really your daughter, Alan?” Gloria bumped her elbow into Ash’s father’s arm. “Did she really make it down to little old Murraywood tonight? If Mary is to be believed, your daughter hardly ever does.”

Ash could have hugged her dad for the very impressive way in which he rolled his eyes. He had lived with her mother’s flair for exaggeration his entire marriage.

“Don’t believe a word that comes out of my wife’s mouth,” he mumbled.

“How long has it been, Gloria?” Ash tried to remember, but she came up empty. “You look good.”

“Must have been years,” Gloria said, ignoring the compliment. Instead, she briefly touched her hand to Ash’s arm. She must have heard about the divorce.

A piece of cutlery tapped insistently on a glass.

“Time for your mother’s speech,” Ash’s dad said.

Her mother kept it brief, however—surely she would give another, much longer, speech later—and invited everyone to find their assigned seats.

“Let’s talk later,” Gloria said.

Ash watched her go off in search of the table she’d been placed at.

“Time for something heartier than a pint, darling.” Her father put his empty glass on the counter, looking quite sad that he had to leave his spot at the bar.

ChapterTwo

Gloria had hoped not to be relegated to the singles’ table at this party. Yet, when she finally found her designated seat, she instantly knew she had been, because of Karen Lloyd’s presence. Gloria had shared a table with Karen too many times since George had died ten years ago. She knew all about Karen’s life, which wasn’t dull per se, but it had become dull to Gloria because she’d had to listen to Karen’s stories over and over again. She knew them all by heart by now.

Miraculously, none of Mary and Alan’s siblings had become widowed, and therefore placed at the singles’ table, even though they were all at least a decade older than Gloria. And at least two decades older than George when he had lost his long battle with cancer. But Gloria had stopped blaming other people for simply continuing to live a long time ago. If you started holding their very life against another person, it ended up not being much of a life for yourself.

“We meet again so quickly.” Ash’s voice sounded in Gloria’s ear.

“Welcome to the exile table for widows and divorcees.” Gloria was glad to have Ash’s company. It gave her someone to talk to other than Karen. Gloria had learnt not to expect too much from life anymore and a small mercy, like sitting next to Mary’s daughter during dinner, could actually make her happy these days.

“I’m neither, but hello,” Karen said, while giving Ash a very obvious once-over. Truth be told, she did stand out in this particular crowd, with her platinum-blonde hairdo that looked striking against her tan skin. The sides of her head were shaved so close to her skin that you could make out a birthmark above her ear.

“You’ve got it all wrong,” Adrian said. Ash’s brother and his wife, Lizzie, had ambled up to the table. “This isn’t the singles’ table at all. This is the younger-than-sixty table.”

“I barely made the cut then,” Karen said.

“Bless you, Adrian, for seeing things that way.” Gloria took her seat.

Ash sat next to her. Gloria knew Lizzie well because they were colleagues. This dinner wouldn’t be too bad at all. In fact, she’d rather find herself at this table, Karen included, than at any of the other ones, where, no doubt, health ailments would be the main topic of conversation. Gloria got enough of that during the day.

A waitress approached with open bottles of white and red wine. Gloria covered her glass with her hand; it was automatic now. She noticed Ash glance at her hand. Didn’t she know? Maybe Mary wasn’t as big a gossip as Gloria believed.

“How’s the money business?” Gloria asked Ash, before any possible untoward question could be uttered. To not drink at a social gathering, especially with people of Mary and Alan’s generation, was still seen as quite the oddity.

Ash just shrugged.

“Are you usually happy when Friday evening rolls around or does it make you itch for Monday morning?” Being a district nurse, Gloria was very skilled at making conversation. Some of the patients she visited only ever had her or one of her colleagues to talk to. She always made sure they got their money’s worth when it came to a proper chat.

“It depends,” Ash said.

“That’s pretty vague, even for you,” Adrian butted in.

“I love my job, but my dedication to it has been held against me before, you know.”

Gloria tried to read the look that passed between Ash and her brother. Held against her by whom? Her family? Or… oh yes, of course. Her ex-wife. Gloria had to admit she’d never actually met a divorced lesbian before. Same-sex marriage had only been legal since 2014. But why would things automatically work out better between two women or two men, anyway?

“How’s life in London, then?” Gloria asked.

Ash sipped from her glass of white wine. “It’s London. The greatest city in the world. It’s not that far from here, you know. Just hop on a train and you’ll be there in thirty minutes.”

Was that a touch of defiance in her tone? Was Gloria pushing too hard? When had Mary told her about Ash’s divorce again? It wasn’t that long ago. Maybe Ash was still grieving for the marriage. Gloria knew a thing or two about grief. About that ache in the pit of your stomach that never let up, that didn’t seem to diminish with time, but only grew fiercer for the first couple of years. At least that was her experience. She suppressed her nurse’s reflex to pat Ash on the shoulder and decided to cut her some slack instead.

“I do take the train up to London once in a while for some shopping, or just to soak up the atmosphere,” Gloria said. “Remind me to ask you for some tips later.”

Ash reached for the bottle of water that stood in front of her. “Do you want some water?”

Gloria nodded and let Ash pour her a glass.

“Good luck getting through tonight without a drop of booze,” Ash said.

“It’s really not a problem for me.” Gloria gave Ash the practiced smile she reserved for that kind of comment.

“I tried dry January this year.” Ash took a sip from her wine again, as though she was trying to prove a point. “I lasted a week.”

“To each their own.” Another well-practiced phrase, even though Gloria hated platitudes like that. They stood in the way of a real conversation. But sometimes platitudes were the only possibility.

“I’m sorry,” Ash said. “I don’t mean to be insensitive. Drinking alcohol is practically a required skill in my job. There isn’t a cliché about bankers that isn’t actually true.”

“That might be so, but I bet you’re quite different from your co-workers.”

Ash’s face lit up a little. “The amount of testosterone in our office is through the roof.” She shook her head. “You would honestly not believe some of the things these guys say—and some of the women as well, of course. Equal opportunity, political incorrectness and all that.”

“How about you?” Gloria saw how Ash came alive when she talked about her work. This skill of Gloria’s was one of the reasons she’d had the same job all her life—she knew the merits of persisting in getting certain conversations off the ground.

“I give as good as I get. And, of course, these days, when one of the guys does go too far, I just have to hashtag-metoo him.” She chuckled.

From the corner of her eye, Gloria could see Karen’s face pull itself into a frown.

“Ash has always suffered from too much testosterone,” Adrian said.

“I’ve always had more than you,” Ash said.

“I got myself a woman and spawned two kids,” Adrian said. “What more can a man achieve these days?”

“I tried to make him pee sitting down,” Lizzie said. “But it didn’t work. He’s got that Cooper stubbornness in him.”

“You have to leave a man some dignity,” Gloria said.

“Christ, almighty,” Karen said. “And the first course hasn’t even come out yet.”

They all chuckled heartily.

“Why did you never get married, Karen?” Ash asked.

“Why would I?” Karen said.

“No man or woman has ever tempted you?”

“I’ve always been perfectly happy by myself,” Karen said matter-of-factly, and Gloria admired her for doing so.

“I loved my husband dearly,” Gloria said. “But I’ve been single for a very long time now, and it does have its advantages.” Not that Gloria wouldn’t trade everything she had for one more day with George. But she had her children. Once she’d emerged from beneath the rubble of her grief, she’d found she still had a life left. A job she loved. Life-long friends. The persistent kindness of her family and people she had shut out for months and months.

“Like what?” Lizzie asked.

“Why are you so keen to find out?” Adrian threw an arm around his wife.

“Just curious, sweetie.” She blew him a kiss.

God, how they reminded Gloria of her and George when they’d been in their thirties, free of disease and worries.

“Now that my girls have flown the nest, I can do whatever I want. I don’t have to consider anyone’s opinion on how I choose to spend my time.”

“If you have children, you’ll never be truly free,” Ash said flatly.

“That might be true, but I will always have them, so…” Gloria’s mind drifted to Sally, her oldest daughter, who was in her last year of university in York. Would she move back home after she graduated? Gloria had no idea. Her youngest daughter, Janey, had just started university and Gloria wondered what she would be up to tonight. Some nights, she preferred not to wonder about these things at all.

“I will always have an ex-wife,” Ash said. “No matter what happens next in my life, Charlotte will always be a woman I once married. A person I stood next to in front of all my family and friends and vowed to be with for the rest of my life.” She shook her head more vigorously this time. “I’m never doing that again. Not ever. The utter foolishness of the whole thing.” She looked at the table where her parents and aunts and uncles were sitting. “Can you believe that they’re all still in their marriages? As are all our cousins? What is it with this family?”

“Dumb luck,” Karen said.

“It’s not really something to bemoan, though,” Gloria said. “I think it’s wonderful.”

“Try being the only divorced one of the lot,” Ash said. “First, I made them all come to my big, fancy lesbian wedding. Then, it turned out to be all for nothing. We didn’t even make it to five bloody years.”

“Have you eaten at all today, Ash?” Adrian asked.

“I had a bag of crisps on the train,” Ash said.

“That’s it?” Lizzie sounded appalled.

“Why would you not eat?” Gloria couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

As if on cue, their starters arrived.

“I’m about to tuck in.” Ash picked up her cutlery. “And before anyone gets their knickers in a twist, it’s called intermittent fasting. It’s not an eating disorder.” She held a forkful of smoked salmon in front of her mouth. “Yes, I should have eaten more today because I knew I would be drinking, but time just got away from me. If I had taken the time to buy more food before I got on the train, I would have missed it.” She put the salmon in her mouth and started chewing.

Gloria hadn’t seen Ash in years, but she had known both her and Adrian for a long time. Ash had been like this as a girl as well. Feisty and stubborn to a fault.

“Intermittent fasting.” Karen said the words as if they were the dirtiest she’d ever spoken. “Whatever will they invent next to torture women with?” She looked at Ash, but Ash didn’t reply. She kept on shovelling salmon into her mouth. Gloria was sure she would be doing the same if she hadn’t eaten all day.

“Ash has been doing it for years. Since long before it became trendy,” Adrian said, earning himself a shut-up look from his sister.

“As much as I’d love to regale you all with the benefits of fasting, I’m too busy breaking my fast right now,” Ash said. Her plate was nearly empty, while Gloria had yet to start.

“I don’t drink alcohol,” Gloria said, “and Ash doesn’t eat food before a certain time of day. I’m sure we each have our own habits.” She glanced sideways at Ash, while finally scooping some food onto her fork.

“Don’t get me started on Adrian’s quirks.” Ash grinned. “We’ll be here all night. Oh wait, we are going to be here all night.” She turned her head and shot Gloria a wink, which Gloria hadn’t expected at all.

“The salmon’s good,” Lizzie said, probably to keep Ash from spilling the beans on Adrian.

Gloria nodded, even though she’d barely tasted it. Ash’s wink was just that. An acknowledgement of what Gloria had said just before, which, in a way, could be interpreted as coming to Ash’s defence. It was nothing. Just a wink. Still, for a reason she couldn’t explain, it felt like something to Gloria.

ChapterThree

“Sorry about earlier.” Ash pushed her chair back and leaned a little closer to Gloria. “Being hangry makes me feel very sorry for myself.” She threw in her widest smile.

“Understandably.” Gloria smiled back.

“My belly’s full.” Ash patted her stomach. “I can handle anything now. Even this lot…” She made a sweeping gesture with her arm. She’d have to do the rounds of her family soon, have a chat with every aunt or uncle she only saw once or twice a year. Give them all the same rundown of her life. Work’s busy. No, I’m not seeing anyone new. Yes, yes, yes, I’m doing just fine. She’d stay in her chair a bit longer.

“Look at Mary,” Gloria said. “She’s positively beaming tonight.”

Ash cast her glance to her mother. Gloria was right. Her mother had a huge smile plastered across her face. “She’s officially a lady of leisure now. Wouldn’t you be beaming if you were?”

“I’d be climbing up the walls if I didn’t have a job,” Gloria said. “Wouldn’t have the foggiest what to do with myself all day.”

“Mum will just get on Dad’s nerves, I presume.” Ash turned her chair so she could see more of Gloria’s face. “How long before your retirement party?”

“Oh, decades.” Gloria slung an arm over the back of her chair and fixed her gaze on Ash.

“It was my very convoluted but discreet attempt at trying to find out your age,” Ash said. “But yeah, sure, decades. I can see that. You don’t look a day over forty.” Ash held Gloria’s gaze.

“Nor do you, Ashley.” Gloria narrowed her eyes a fraction.

“I just turned forty-two, so thank you kindly.”

“Oh, gosh. No way, Ash.” Gloria held up a hand at chest height. “Do you remember I babysat you and Adrian when you were this high?”

“I have zero recollection of that, to be honest.”

“Hm.” Gloria crossed one leg over the other. “Must be all the fasting. Are you sure it’s good for your memory?”

Ash enjoyed the mischievous expression on Gloria’s face. “I bet Adrian gave you hell.”

Gloria shook her head. “No, Ade has always been well behaved. You on the other hand. The tantrums. Goodness me.”

“Now you’re pulling my leg. My dad keeps telling me what a good child I was.”

“Maybe Alan’s a bit biased.”

Ash sniggered. “I think you’re making the whole thing up. You never babysat us at all. I think it’s your memory that’s been affected and you’re confusing us with some other children.”

“Ask your mum,” was all Gloria said.

“I will.” Ash truly couldn’t remember any of it. They’d had so many babysitters when they were children, they all blurred into one authority figure, whom, Ash could admit, she probably would have had a problem with. “Excellent deflection technique, by the way. I still don’t know how old you are, but I might be able to figure it out.” Ash racked her brain. She seemed to remember that Gloria was at least ten years younger than her mother, possibly more—or was it less?

“I’m fifty-four,” Gloria said. “It’s really not a secret at all. In fact, I have no idea why women feel compelled to be so coy about their age. I love getting older.”

“No midlife crisis for you, eh.” Ash stuck out her bottom lip and nodded approvingly.

“I am on hormone replacement therapy. Maybe that helps.” Gloria patted her upper arm. “A fresh patch every few weeks keeps me going.”

Ash admired how easily—and lightly—Gloria spoke of her menopause. She remembered the drama of her mother going through menopause, although, truth be told, she hadn’t been present for most of it. She’d been too busy building her career and falling in love with Charlotte.

Ash didn’t immediately have a reply to this and a short silence fell between them. Adrian had left the table earlier to have a chat with the DJ and Lizzie had taken the opportunity to sit with her parents for a bit. Ash had no idea where Karen was. But it was just her and Gloria at the table.

“Now that we’re throwing it all out in the open.” Gloria leaned forwards a few inches. “Do you mind me asking about your divorce? I sense some bitterness around the subject. I take it the whole thing wasn’t very amicable?”

Ash almost did a double take. She hadn’t expected Gloria to ask her that question. “Not very, no.” She locked eyes with Gloria for an instant, then averted her gaze. She didn’t know why her divorce still invoked such shame in her. Maybe because she believed it was all her fault.

“What happened?”

Ash heaved a big sigh. “I guess… we grew apart. We fell out of love and there wasn’t enough to replace it. Although, if you were to ask Charlotte, she would tell you that I was never there when she needed me because I preferred spending time at work to spending time with my wife. Which was true to a certain extent, especially near the end.” Ash reached for her wineglass. She needed a sip. “If I had to sum it up, I’d say it just didn’t work out. We weren’t the amazing match we thought we were.”

“These things are never easy to sum up in a few words. I bet it’s much more complicated than that.” Gloria’s voice was so soft and soothing now, it made Ash want to have another look at her face.

The background music that had been playing throughout dinner was interrupted by a screeching microphone.

“Oh Christ, don’t tell me Ade is going to do a speech,” Ash said. “I swear to God, nobody ever tells me anything in this family.” Because you’re unavailable, Ash. She heard Charlotte’s voice in her head. Because you don’t want to know.

But Adrian just passed the microphone to his mother, who thanked everyone for coming, and urged them onto the dance floor.

Ash pushed her chair a little closer to the table so she didn’t impede any of the older guests who wanted to dance. In doing so, she suddenly found herself sitting very close to Gloria.

“You still owe me some tips,” Gloria shouted into her ear. “For things to do in London.”

“Give me your number,” Ash shouted back. “I’ll text you all you need to know.”

ChapterFour

Gloria watched Ash dance with her brother. They were making silly moves and, as siblings tend to do, each one was trying to be sillier than the other. She had witnessed it in her own girls. She had experienced it with her own sister and brother. Always wanting to outsmart the other. It was a thing of the ages and no one who had a brother or sister could escape it.

“It’s good to see them like that,” Gloria said to Alan, who was sitting silently beside her, nursing a pint. She wasn’t one for long silences. Alan Cooper was the silent type, but Gloria had always known a way in with him: ask him about his offspring. “They’re having fun.”

Alan nodded. “I worry about Ash so much.” He slurred his words a little. It was getting near that time when most people in the room would be getting quite merry. Gloria had got used to it. It didn’t bother her anymore. And if it did, she left. “I wonder if she will ever land on her feet.”

“What does that mean, though, Alan?” Gloria asked. “Landing on your feet?” Look at me, Gloria thought. Surely, her friends would consider her to have landed on her feet, even though it had taken her years to find some sort of balance after George died. “You don’t necessarily need to be with someone to be happy. Some people prefer to be alone.”

“Well, yes, I accept that.” Alan peered into his pint. “But having to go through a divorce. I just wish she hadn’t experienced that. It’s a vile business.” He expelled some air. “Charlotte is such a lovely girl. I just don’t see why they couldn’t make it work.”

“We can’t all be as lucky as you and Mary,” Gloria quipped.

“I thought Mary and I had set a good example.” He sipped from his pint again. Gloria was beginning to see where Ash got her wallowing-when-drunk streak from. “Clearly, we didn’t do a good enough job.”

“Cheer up, Alan. Look at her.” Gloria waved a hand at the dance floor. “She’s doing fine. We could spend all our time striving to spare our children from heartache, but the truth is we can do no such thing. No one is spared, Alan.”

“But she’s in her forties now.” He let his gaze rest on his children. Ash and Adrian were still at it on the dance floor. They tried to involve more people, but everyone seemed reluctant to join them.

“So? I’m in my fifties and my mother still hasn’t given up hope.” She bumped her elbow into Alan’s arm.

At least she got a chuckle out of Alan. “Never give up hope.”

Gloria cast her gaze back at the dance floor. Ash was wearing skinny jeans and a really tight floral shirt. While she excelled in goofy dance moves, her brother had much more natural rhythm. However, Ash didn’t seem to care one bit about that. She danced as if no one was watching. Until she spotted that Gloria was looking at her. She waved, then mouthed, “Come here.” Gloria couldn’t hear, but the beckoning gesture Ash made with her hands was unmistakable.

“Go dance, Gloria,” Alan said. “Go have fun.”

“I think I just might.” Gloria’s legs were getting stiff from all the sitting down she’d been doing all night. She shuffled onto the dance floor and joined Ash and Adrian.

“Christ,” Adrian said, when the song ended. “I’m the father of two children. I can’t be doing this anymore. I give up, Ash. You win.” He sank down in a chair.

“Just you and me now, Gloria,” Ash said.

Gloria couldn’t fault the DJ, one of Ash’s cousins, for trying a different strategy to fill the floor. Yet, she didn’t immediately know what to do when she recognised the intro of Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight”.

“What do you say?” Ash held her arms wide. “Will you dance with me?”

“It would be my pleasure.” Gloria stepped closer. “I’ll lead, though.”

“Will you now?” Ash put her hands on Gloria’s shoulders. She was a little shorter than Gloria, but not that much. Gloria rested her hands on Ash’s hips. They started to gently sway to the lazy beat of the song.

Gloria was having none of that millennial slow-dancing. If she was going to lead, she was going to do it properly. “Just follow my lead,” she whispered in Ash’s ear.

“Yes, boss.” Ash shot her a grin. “Take it away.”

Ash was a little unsteady on her feet, but she did a good enough of job of following Gloria, who was used to manoeuvring much larger bodies in her day job, although not around a dance floor.

When she looked around, Gloria noticed, for the first time, that the DJ’s strategy had worked. They weren’t the only twosome on the dance floor. They were the only two women dancing together, though.

“I know I’m a really shit dancer,” Ash shouted in Gloria’s ear. “I take after my dad in many respects.”

“You’re doing just fine.” Gloria held Ash a tad closer. She could feel her hip bones jutting into her flesh. It wasn’t an unpleasant feeling.

“I hope you’re not going back to London tonight.”

“God no. I’m staying with Mum and Dad,” Ash said. “I might even stay for the weekend. Not much waiting for me back home.”

“I’m sure you have a busy social life.” Their faces were so close together, Gloria couldn’t actually make out any of Ash’s expressions. “Or at least a date to go on.”

“I’m so done with dating,” Ash said. “Did you… ever date again?”

The question threw Gloria. She took her time to reply. “I tried, but it never really worked out.”

“How come?” Ash pressed herself into Gloria’s embrace.

“I don’t know. I guess…” Gloria slowed their pace. “No one ever really lived up to my expectations again. Maybe I was expecting a second George and of course there was only ever one of him, so I made it impossible.” Gloria had thought about this a lot and this was the only possible conclusion she could draw. She had gone out with a few decent men. One of them, his name was Richard, had been very dashing—much more handsome than George, if you could look at that sort of thing objectively—but she’d never felt that spark again. She’d never been interested enough to allow anyone new into her life in that way.

“I figured it must have been down to you,” Ash said. “A woman like you… surely a line of men would be queuing up all the way around your house.” Gloria couldn’t see, but she could hear the smile in Ash’s voice. A bead of sweat trickled down her spine. Gloria wasn’t much of a blusher, but if she were, her cheeks would have coloured at Ash’s comment.

“The same could be said of you.” She quickly turned the tables on Ash. As much as Gloria loved a chat, she didn’t like to get too personal. “All the lesbians in the land must be throwing themselves at you.” She felt Ash’s body convulse against her hands as she burst into a giggle.

“Of course,” Ash said. “Every single last one of them.”

Gloria laughed with her. She tried to picture Charlotte, but she couldn’t remember if she had ever seen her. She hadn’t been able to go to the wedding; the reason why escaped her. Mary must have shown her pictures—she used to be the type to organise a viewing party to show off her holiday snaps—but, for the life of her, Gloria couldn’t recall.

The song ended and they stepped away from each other.

“Thank you for this dance.” Ash curtsied. “It’s easily the best one I’ve had all night.” She winked at Gloria again and, just like the first time earlier that night, it gave Gloria pause. She watched Ash saunter off to the table where Mary was sitting, clearly uninterested in dancing any more. Gloria could do with a sit-down herself. Then she felt a tap on the shoulder.

“What do you say, Gloria?” Jim, Mary’s youngest brother, asked. “Shall we show them how it’s done?”

“Sure.” Gloria gave him a smile. Out of the corner of her eye, she looked at Ash, and saw her looking back at her.

Jim took the lead and twirled them around the dance floor. They exchanged pleasantries and Gloria tried to give him her full attention, the way she had done during the previous dance with Ash. But it seemed to her she had little attention left to give. Either she was tired—or she’d spent it all on Ash.

The sensation of being led around the dance floor by a man was nice enough. It even brought back some memories of better days. George loved to dance. At any party, he’d be on the floor from the first song to the last. And Gloria had adored dancing with him. They’d regularly danced in their living room. Often, without any music to guide them. George would scoop her up and draw her near and they’d sway to an imaginary beat, one that only they could hear. No wonder Gloria had never fallen for another man again. She couldn’t picture hearing that soundless beat with anyone else but George.

As she spun around, Gloria’s gaze caught Ash again. She was still eyeing her. Or maybe she was just looking at the goings-on on the dance floor. No. Her glance was solidly aimed at Gloria. Gloria could feel it, the way you can feel someone looking at you even when your back is turned to them.

On the next go-around, Ash smiled at her, taking away any doubts Gloria might have had about the direction of her gaze. Gloria swung her hips extra fancifully when she had her back turned to Ash. She didn’t really know why. It was just something she felt like doing in the moment.

ChapterFive

Lewis could not look less like a hedge fund manager. He wore a suit all right, but it wasn’t the kind any other banker wore. It wasn’t the obligatory navy or black suit that made you fit in. Her boss wore what Ash called ‘chat show host suits’, with loud flowery patterns and made out of shiny, gaudy fabrics.

“You always look so fresh-faced when you’ve spent a weekend in the country, darling,” Lewis said, after he had air-kissed Ash.

“Murraywood is hardly the country. It’s half an hour on the train.”

“Imagine what actually going into the countryside would do to your complexion.” Lewis pushed the button of the automatic coffee machine. Just like her, Lewis didn’t believe in lunch. Not eating throughout the day kept him sharp. In fact, Ash had picked up the habit from him. “Here you go, darling.” He handed Ash the tiny espresso cup.

Ash knocked back the coffee. It was her third of the day. Some days, she could take four, but most days, three of these tiny but awfully strong beverages was her limit. “You keep promising to get yourself a country pad. How about putting your money where that big mouth is?” Lewis wasn’t just Ash’s boss. He had also become her best friend.

“I’ll have to get my trophy husband on to that.” Jonathan was anything but a trophy husband. He ran a company that imported Japanese sake and whiskies into the UK and was more often than not on a business trip to Asia. If Lewis and Jonathan actually had a house in the countryside, neither one of them would use it. Ash would use it, though. Although, if she needed a hit of country-ish air, she could just go home to her parents.

Ash’s phone buzzed in her back pocket. She fished it out and read the message.

Still waiting for those London tips.

A smile spread across her face. Gloria hadn’t been at the forefront of her mind since the party. On Saturday, Ash, like the rest of her family, had battled a nasty hangover. She’d hung out at home, watching the Chelsea game with her dad, and eating her mother’s chicken pie—an excellent cure for hangovers and post-divorce-blues alike. On Sunday, when she’d felt fresh as a daisy again, she’d spent the day with her nephews.

“What’s that smile about? Did Charlotte flee the British Isles?” Lewis asked.

Ash shot him a look, then asked, “What smile?”

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, darling,” Lewis said, “but you’ve hardly been a barrel of laughs since the whole divorce debacle. I’ll make do with the tiniest hint of a smile on your gorgeous face.”

“Oh, please.” She wanted to give Lewis a good comeback, but her brain was too occupied forming a reply to Gloria’s text. “I’m well and truly over the divorce,” she lied. Ash had stayed with Lewis and Jonathan, in their lavish town house in Kensington, after she and Charlotte had first split up.

As she looked up, she just caught Lewis’s exaggerated eye roll. “Is there someone new on the scene?” he asked. “You know you can’t keep vital information like that from me.” Since Ash had found a new flat and had moved out of Lewis’s house, he’d tried to set her up with no less than three women he vaguely knew, one of which he had only suspected of being interested in women. For some reason, maybe because he’d been with Jonathan for decades, Lewis was very interested in Ash’s love life. He hadn’t had much to sink his teeth into. Ash simply wasn’t interested. Why would she even try? To end up divorced again?

“You’ll be the first to know if ever there is something to know again.”

“You’re not going to tell me who just texted you then?” Lewis insisted.

“It’s just a friend of my mum’s, looking for some tips on what to do when she comes to London next. It’s nothing. Sorry to disappoint you so immensely on a Monday.”

Lewis briefly pulled a face. “Just remember. It’s all well and good to not want a relationship. I totally get that, but you don’t want to get any cobwebs down there. You have to keep the juices flowing, if you catch my drift.”

“It’s utterly impossible not to catch it, darling.” Ash shook her head. “And we’ve had this conversation a dozen times before. A prolonged period of abstinence will hardly kill me, as hard as that is to believe for you.” She tapped her fingers against her phone screen. “Now if you’ll excuse me. I have to get back to work so I can make you some more money.”

“You are the perfect employee, Ash,” Lewis shouted after her, his voice dripping with honey.

It was an in-joke that had started after Ash told him she knew so much about Lewis’s private life, he could never fire her.

Back at her desk, Ash replied:

It’s only Monday. Give a girl a break.

On the train back to London, her mind had drifted back to the dance she’d had with Gloria. She’d watched her dance with Uncle Jim afterwards and Ash could have sworn Gloria hadn’t had the same sparkle about her as when she’d danced with Ash. Of course, Ash had been quite plastered and her memories of the night were subsequently hazy. Gloria’s reply came quickly.

Sorry. I have Wednesday off and I was thinking of taking the train up. Didn’t mean to rush you. xo

Why had Gloria included ‘xo’ in her message? Maybe that was just her usual sign-off. But, hadn’t she just said she’d be in town the day after tomorrow? Ash checked her schedule. There was no way she could take a day off, but she could surely blow off the monthly Women in Finance networking drinks she’d planned to attend after work and, perhaps, take Gloria out for dinner instead. Even though that was not what Gloria was asking for. She was just asking for tips on what to do in London. Nevertheless, the sudden prospect of having dinner with Gloria sparked something in Ash.

I promise to send you some suggestions tonight. One of them will be to have dinner with me in the evening.

Gloria didn’t reply so quickly now. Had Ash put her off? It was just dinner. It didn’t mean anything. She liked Gloria because she was so easy to talk to and so much fun to be around. Ash craved people like that around her right now. Besides, her mind wouldn’t even dare to venture anywhere else. Gloria was a friend of her parents. Maybe she could be her friend as well.

Ok. Look forward to it. xo

Look forward to what? Ash thought. Getting the message or having dinner with me? And was that a yes? She took it as a provisional yes. Her stomach growled. Ash drank a glass of water. Then she put the message out of her mind for the rest of the afternoon—she ignored it, just like the pangs of hunger that sneaked up on her—and focused on her work. It was how she had got through the divorce. Ironically, she’d started working even more, as if trying to disprove Charlotte’s allegation that her working too much was the cause of their divorce.

ChapterSix

“You’re being rather rude,” Sindhu said. “What happened to no phones at the dinner table?” Ever since Janey had left for uni, Gloria cooked dinner for her two best friends on Monday night.

Sindhu’s husband worked the late shift at the fire station and Fiona was more than happy to have dinner with her friends instead of her husband one night a week.