Stag Dos and Speeches E-Book

Dominic Bliss

• Herausgeber: Ryland Peters & Small
• Kategorie: Lebensstil
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2013

Seitenzahl: 91

Beschreibung

How to organize the best stag do and make the perfect speech. Congratulations, your best friend has made you his best man but, as the saying goes, with great power comes great responsibility. You need to send the groom off with a bang and Stag Dos and Speeches is here to help make everything go without a hitch. Skipping over the boring bits, like taking care of the bride's mother, and instead focusing on the areas important to you, the following pages provide all the information you'll need to arrange a bachelor party to remember and deliver a killer speech to have them rolling in the aisles. Packed with ideas for a whole range of different parties – from booze blow-outs in Vegas to action-packed outdoor activities in the countryside – every stage of the event is covered in depth. So whether you want advice on budgeting, how to book a restaurant for large groups of people or want to know what the Spanish is for "can I speak to my lawyer?", the practical information on offer will steer you clear of any pitfalls that might stop you and your friends having the best time possible. And then there's the speech... the time when the pressure is really on as all eyes are upon you. With practical tips on what to say and what not to say (ex-girlfriends are definitely off-limits!), who to thank, how to write jokes, dealing with nerves and more, you'll be able to write a first-class speech that will make your groom proud to have you chosen you as his best man.

Leseprobe

STAG DOSANDSPEECHES

STAG DOSANDSPEECHES

SOUND ADVICE FORSENDING YOURGROOM OFFIN STYLE

Dominic Bliss

To Sally. I wasn't best man, I was groom.

Published in 2013 by Dog ‘n’ Bone Books

an imprint of Ryland Peters & Small Ltd

20–21 Jockey’s Fields, London WC1R 4BW

www.dogandbonebooks.com

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Text copyright © Dominic Bliss 2013

Design and illustration copyright

© Dog ‘n’ Bone Books 2013

The author’s moral rights have been asserted. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the publisher.

A CIP catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.

eISBN: 978 1 911026 34 1

ISBN: 978 1 909313 00 2

Printed in China

Editors: Tim Leng and Pete Jorgensen

Designer: Jerry Goldie

Illustrator: Kuo Kang Chen

For digital editions, visit

www.cicobooks.com/apps.php

CONTENTS

Introduction

Part 1The Stag Party

Part 2Wedding Rehearsal and Dinner

Part 3Writing the Speech

Part 4Delivering the Speech

INTRODUCTION

DON’T PANIC!

You’re slightly panicky, aren’t you? You’ve been appointed best man, the wedding’s not far off and you’ve now got to pull your finger out: there’s a stag party to organise and a witty speech to write. Well, you can stop panicking. Help is at hand. Read this book and I guarantee that not only will you celebrate the end of the groom’s bachelor life in style, but you’ll also deliver a truly scintillating speech at the wedding reception.

WEDDING TRADITIONS

Wedding traditions may vary quite a bit across the English-speaking world, but when it comes to the best man, his basic duties will generally be pretty similar across the board.

1. You celebrate the groom’s final days as a single man.

2. You help with the wedding rehearsal and organise the ushers.

3. You deliver a great speech at the wedding reception.

In North America, they call it a bachelor party. In the UK it’s a stag party. Aussies enjoy a bucks party and South Africans tend to have a bull party. But it doesn’t really matter what you call it (in France, they use the macabre term ‘burial of the life of a boy’) because the goal is always the same: get all the groom’s friends together and throw a wild party. Just how wild is up to you.

All across the world it’s traditional for the best man to make a speech at the wedding reception. There are no hard-and-fast rules as to the format or style of this speech, however. It often depends on how formal the wedding is. A few simple words and a toast will be fine for a Vegas shotgun wedding. But if it’s a more refined affair you really should pull out all the stops and prepare a full-on oration.

In ancient times, the best man was expected to help the groom fight off members of the bride’s family who were unhappy at having their girl snatched away. Fortunately, this is less common today.

THE BEST MAN SUITABILITY QUIZ

Find out if you’re really the best man for the job. Take our multiple-choice best man test.

1. Your idea of smart is:

a. A tie without food stains on it.

b. A jacket and trousers that, if they don’t exactly match, are at least similar in colour.

c. James Bond in a tuxedo.

2. Are you punctual?

a. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

b. Yes, but only after midday.

c. The early bird catches the worm.

3. How safe is the ring with you?

a. What ring?

b. Safe with Gollum, my precious.

c. On a chain around my neck or taped to my nether regions.

4. Your body reacts to booze as follows:

a. Two beers and you’ve passed out on the floor.

b. Beer after wine, everything’s fine. Wine after beer and it’s goodnight, my dear.

c. You could drink Ozzy Osbourne under the table.

5. Your idea of a wild night out is:

a. Scrabble at the retirement home.

b. Cow tipping.

c. Downing bottles of absinthe and defenestrating hotel televisions.

6. The best place for a £50 note is:

a. In a savings account.

b. Waved in front of a barman’s nose.

c. Between a sexy lady’s navel and her knicker elastic.

7. Your idea of a practical joke is:

a. Shaved genitals and a rude tattoo.

b. Being handcuffed to a lamp post.

c. Obligatory cross-dressing and a wig.

8. The bride-to-be asks you what you got up to on the stag party. You tell her:

a. The gospel truth.

b. ‘What goes on tour, stays on tour.’

c. A total pack of lies, all with a straight face.

Your score

Mainly As: Perhaps you should hand over your duties to someone else.

Mainly Bs: Getting there, but you need to let your hair down a bit.

Mainly Cs: Sounds like you’re the best best man in the world.

PART 1

THE STAG PARTY

PLANNING THE PARTY

In the old days, the best man’s job was far simpler than it is now. It normally involved dragging the groom and his best friends down the local bar for an evening of booze and rude jokes.

Nowadays, you’re expected to be much more adventurous. No self-respecting husband-to-be is going to celebrate his final night of freedom at the local pub. No way. These days you have to think of something more along the lines of a weekend in Vegas or Lithuania.

We’re all getting married much later in life, which means we have more cash to spend on the stag party. Also, travel is so much easier. Whether it’s a transatlantic jaunt to Vegas or a budget flight to eastern European, the world, my friend, is your oyster. Play your cards right and there will be a very large pearl inside.

But with so many stag party destinations to choose from, how do you decide where to go? And, more importantly, who to invite along?

The guest list

It’s not as straightforward as a simple list of the groom’s best mates. There are numerous political and logistical complications to think of. Will the groom’s ‘colourful’ friend from football, Tony ‘The Shark’, really get on with Square Simon from accounts? Will the groom’s university mates have anything vaguely in common with his loutish cousins from Essex?

Discuss very prudently with the groom which of his friends he ought to invite. If they’re going to split up into separate cliques during the weekend, that defeats the whole object of throwing the party in the first place. Remember, a stag party is all about helping the groom and his friends to bond together.

It’s no easy task. You may well have to include people from school, university, and work, plus the groom’s brothers and even his future brother-in-law. If you’ve ever seen the film The Hangover, you’ll know what a can of worms that could be.

Then there’s the obligatory party wild card. Every stag party has one – the rogue element or loose cannon who risks exploding at any minute. You’ve got to be ready for that.

There are financial considerations, too. Say the groom works in The City. There’s no way old friends from his home town will have the same amount of cash to splash as his work colleagues. While they may be happy to fly first class to Monaco for the weekend, it’s unlikely anyone else will be able to afford it. This could cause serious embarrassment within the group.

A family affair?

What are the rules when it comes to inviting members of the groom’s family? Should you ask his father, his brother or even (remember the bearded Zach Galifianakis in The Hangover?) his brother-in-law-to-be to join in the celebrations?

In the old days, it was quite common to bring the male contingent of the groom’s family along on the stag do. Hang on a minute, though – do you really want the groom’s father stuffing £10 notes into strippers’ panties and shotgunning cans of beer? More to the point, do you want him watching you and the groom getting up to that kind of stuff?

No, of course you don’t. Which is why old Pops should stay at home. And don’t for a minute even think about inviting the groom’s future father-in-law. Unless, of course, he’s marrying Kelly Osbourne, in which case you can guarantee Ozzy will be the first name on the guest list and star of the party.

The trick is to warn everyone in advance exactly how much it’s all going to cost. Then if it’s way out of anyone’s league, they can politely decline. You could even consider throwing two separate stag parties: a long weekend in Cancun for the groom’s City trader friends, and a cheap night at the local pub for everyone else. Perfectly acceptable.

PAYING FOR THE STAG PARTY

Stag parties need to be booked well in advance. You don’t think the Golden Nugget in Las Vegas will reserve a suite without some sort of up-front deposit, do you? And there could be flights to pay for. Understandably, you won’t be too keen to stump up for everything yourself.

Show me the money

Getting the cash together to pay for the stag party is where the headaches set in (and you haven’t even done any drinking yet). To sort out all the finances, you’re going to need the skills of a crime boss accountant. Start off by emailing everyone who’s going on the stag party and warning them how much they will be expected to pay in total. Remember to include every possible expense in advance, since it’s much easier to hit everyone with one large bill than lots of small ones. And don’t forget to include the groom’s expenses, too. Apart from flights – which he would normally cover himself – he should be enjoying a free weekend courtesy of all his buddies.

Stag party expenses:

Printed T-shirts and the groom’s outfit

Travel to and from the party destination

Hotel rooms

Daytime activities

Restaurants

Bar bills

Nightclubs

Taxis

Ask all the party members to transfer their individual cash contributions into your bank account. You want to make sure everyone has paid up before you book the various activities, otherwise you’ll spend half the weekend hassling everyone to hand over the money and juggling bundles of cash. Not such a wise idea when you’re stumbling about in a strange city with a few drinks inside you.