The Fine Art of Old Age Living Well and Dying Well E-Book

Brigitta Rhyner

• Herausgeber: novum pro Verlag
• Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
• Sprache: Deutsch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022

Seitenzahl: 58

Beschreibung

In this straightforward guide, the author gives useful and valuable information. It is a helpful aid for anyone involved with the elderly. It presents the journey from home to care home to death, with all the complex aspects, in a sensitive and clear way. It tackles many difficult subjects - entering a nursing home, loss of independence and bereavement compassion. As a professional death and grief counsellor, I have had the privilege of accompanying many wonderful people on their way to their final journey. Above all, I hope my experiences should be of help to (caring) relatives in order to walk this last path together with respect and dignity, sharing my knowledge to make the dying process less frightening.

Leseprobe

Contents

Imprint 3

Foreword 4

Dedication 5

Introduction 6

Part 1 - Entering a care home 9

1.1. Challenge or relief? 9

Challenge 9

Relief 10

1.2. Involuntary care home admission 11

Where nursing home admission has been determined by others 11

1.3. Advanced care planning 16

1.4. Sacrifice to the point of being overwhelmed 17

1.5. The adjustment phase to everyday life in a care home 19

1.6. Loss of privacy 21

1.7. Challenges in everyday life in a care home 22

Cognitive/physical limitations 22

Loneliness 23

Sadness 23

1.8. Grief counselling 24

1.9. Personal responsibility 25

1.10. Acceptance and reorientation 26

Part 2 - Illness and fears 29

2.1. Fears of loss, despair 31

2.2. Forgetfulness and dementia 32

Forgetfulness 32

Dementia 32

2.3. Coping with difficult situations 35

2.4. Dependence and loss of dignity 36

2.5. Visits, how often? 37

Part 3 - Dying process / Dying phases / Symptoms 38

3.1. The 5 Stages of Dying 40

Phase 1: Denial 40

Phase 2: Anger 40

Phase 3: Bargaining 40

Phase 4: Depression 41

Phase 5: Acceptance 41

3.2. Possible symptoms during the dying process 43

3.3. Physical and mental support 44

Part 4 - Fear / End-of-life care / Grief counselling 46

4.1. Fear of dying 46

4.2. End-of-life care 50

4.3. Grief counselling for relatives 52

Part 5 - Culture of mourning / Tools for relatives to deal with grief 55

5.1. Culture of mourning 55

5.2. Tools for relatives to deal with grief 57

Epilogue 59

Acknowledgements 60

Imprint

All rights of distribution, also through movies, radio and television, photomechanical reproduction, sound carrier, electronic medium and reprinting in excerpts are reserved.

© 2022 novum publishing

ISBN print edition: 978-3-99131-496-7

ISBN e-book: 978-3-99131-497-4

Cover images: Anna Om | Dreamstime.com

Cover design, layout & typesetting:novum publishing

www.novumpublishing.com

Foreword

An insight into the everyday life of care

home residents in their autumn days

Being a companion for the painful process

of letting go

Respectful interaction at the end of life

Dedication

A homage to the many dear people that I have been able to accompany on their last journey over the years.

I would like to thank the countless people who have allowed me to accompany them on their last journey into another dimension and with some even up to their physical death.

Introduction

Before I trained as a dying companion, I had, over a period of ten years, accompanied four loved family members and a friend as they approached their death.

When I think back to these journeys, I often wish that I knew back then what I now know about terminal and palliative care.

I would have dealt more professionally with the approaching signs of death. Instead, back then, I felt quite helpless and at a loss.

These private dying experiences made me want to delve deeper into this subject. They showed me, that I was missing important practical information for a better grasp and understanding.

These experiences laid the foundation for starting a three-year training course to become a death and grief counsellor.

During my training I came across an advertisement:

“Voluntary companion to the dying wanted”

So began my work as a death and grief counsellor to the dying in a nursing home.

In the last ten years, through this work I have got to know and appreciate many different, wonderful, loving, grateful and sometimes challenging elderly people.

I was allowed to accompany some of them not only during their everyday lives in a care home, but also in their last days, up to their death.

Some time ago I received an unexpected request from a publisher as to whether I would like to write a book about my experiences as a dying companion and grief counsellor. After initially being astonished, I was fascinated by this idea.

I decided to write a guide in which I describe my work as a death and grief counsellor in a nursing home as well as report on everyday life in the care home with all its facets and address a taboo topic, the dying process.

I thought hard about which topics would interest or be of help to a wider audience.

The book focuses on the situation of people who, voluntarily or forced by external circumstances, enter a care institution, and spend the rest of their days there until they die.

In this guide, I also pay close attention to the relatives, as the terminal care of a loved one is often an unknown and frightening time for them.

I am aware, that for a large part of the population the subject of illness, entering a care home and dying is a taboo subject, but dying affects us all.

With this guide I would like to give you an insight into the practical side of the dying process and show you how you can calmly accompany and support your loved ones in this difficult and emotional phase for you both.

Whether they like it or not, many people will need to consider whether their loved ones must go into a nursing home.

It is too tempting to avoid considering the realities of life in a nursing home and how illnesses progress, the dying process and palliative care.

However, it is important to deal with these realities early because you never know when and what will happen to you in life, and death is part of life.

Like many people, I was forced to deal with this topic when my mother became seriously ill.

Part 1 - Entering a care home

1.1. Challenge or relief?

Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for an elderly person to be admitted to a care facility after a medical emergency, without ever being able to enter their own home again and return to their old way of life.

This is a challenging situation and does not make it easy for those affected, to get used to the idea, that the nursing home will now be their home and their future life.

Most people are in denial about the possibility of a stay in a nursing home. They tell themselves that it will never be necessary, which is not always the case.

According to the BFS (the Swiss Federal Statistical Office), only around 15% of people over 80 live in a nursing home. The others are still independent or take advantage of other options. Nevertheless, you can never know in advance whether a care home may be necessary in your circumstances and so it is wise to consider care home options ahead of time, rather than be rushed in an emergency. This allows the home to be considered calmly and carefully.

Challenge

Entering a nursing home is a big step and a huge challenge, not only for those affected, but also for their relatives.