The Illusion Mirror: The Transformation of a Finnish Girl Studying Abroad in Korea E-Book

Yeong Hwan Choi

• Herausgeber: epubli
• Kategorie: Abenteuer, Thriller, Horror
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024

Seitenzahl: 253

Beschreibung

The Illusion Mirror : The Transformation of a Finnish Girl Studying Abroad in Korea Do we truly possess free will? Is the self a real entity, or is it merely an illusion? Irena Löykanto, once a Finnish scholar studying civil engineering in South Korea, found herself entangled in a shocking theory. Through her exploration of fluid dynamics, hydrology, and soil mechanics, she began to suspect that the world she lived in might be a simulation. To her, everything in existence—soil, water, air, even light—felt like moving "data packets" within an artificial design. Her research blurred the line between reality and fiction, leading her to the unsettling realization that the universe itself might be nothing more than an elaborate illusion, like a mirror reflecting endlessly. Even after her time, she exists within someone's record, gazing at us from the void, questioning the concept of the "self" and realizing how hollow the idea of free will truly is. In the end, she understands that what we've trusted as free will was just another part of nature, governed by unseen forces. The Illusion Mirror poses profound philosophical questions about self, reality, and fate, challenging the reader to reflect deeply. Do we really have the power to choose our path, or is everything already designed as part of someone else's plan? As you follow Irena's journey, the boundaries between illusion and truth blur, and you may find yourself questioning whether your own life is part of a grand simulation. By chance or destiny, you've come across this book—but perhaps that, too, was predetermined.

Leseprobe

The Illusion Mirror: The Transformation of a Finnish Girl Studying Abroad in Korea

This is a work of fiction. Similarities to real people, places, or events are entirely coincidental.

THE ILLUSION MIRROR:THE TRANSFORMATION OF A FINNISH GIRL STUDYING ABROAD IN KOREA

First edition. September 29, 2024.

Copyright © 2024 Yeong Hwan Choi.

ISBN: 979-8227063250

Written by Yeong Hwan Choi.

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

The Illusion Mirror:The Transformation of a Finnish Girl Studying Abroad in Korea

<The Devil Within Me>

Episode 1. The Finnish Girl - 'Choose'

Episode 2. Unfamiliar World, Unfamiliar Gaze - 'Recognize'

Episode 3. Love and Tying the Knot- 'Calculating'

Episode 4. The Beginning of Evolution – 'Record'

Episode 5. Structural Transformation - 'Assuming' (Contradiction with Artificiality)

Episode 6. What Is the Self? | - The 'Illusion' of Free Will

Episode 7. Going to the Temple | - A 'Ritual' That Transcends Time and Space

Episode 8. Spectrum of Simulation – | The disembodied soul, the 'birth' of the multiple selves

<Everything was predetermined. | 'Chance' and 'Necessity'>

The Illusion Mirror

The Transformation of a Finnish Girl Studying Abroad in Korea

Written by Yeonghwan Choi

<The Devil Within Me>

Ever since I was a child, I didn't know what the real "me" was. In the tranquil forests of Finland, an unknown silence engulfs me. I wanted to get out of here.

When I mentioned that I was going to study abroad in Korea, my parents' faces hardened for a moment, and then turned red. "Why Korea?" she asked, not understanding my decision. "Do you think you'll be happy there?"

My shoulders slumped under the weight of gravity, as trudged up the stairs. I carefully opened the door and lay down on the bed. I tossed and turned, and saw my reflection in the mirror in the corner of the room. I squint and look closely, and I see that something inside is about to wake up. Strangely enough, the moment didn't surprise me. That's when I knew. That something is hiding inside of me.

She looked at the other me and whispered. 'Am I really free to make my own decisions?' or, 'Has someone already decided my fate?'

Before you know it, the scenery is dazzlingly serene as the morning dawns. The cold air felt clear and transparent, and the chill breeze of dawn gently brushed over the lake. The sky gradually begins to take on a pale blue hue from dusky gray, and the distant mountains rise as hazy silhouettes. The quiet town seemed to be just waking up. At that moment, I heard my mother's voice in the kitchen.

"Irena! Irena, get up. It's an important day!"

Her voice was sweet, but it sounded like someone who needed to hurry up. I curled up under the covers and closed my eyes. However, i felt her voice getting closer and closer, and he kicked the futon. As I brushed my teeth, I could hear the sound of food being prepared in the kitchen in a constant and regular manner.

Finnish breakfast is unpretentious. This morning, Mom will bake bread, prepare fish pie, simple cheese, and yogurt. I dressed up and went down to the kitchen, where I found a hearty meal ready for me. The sight of traditional ryebread and salmon served with coffee was both familiar and distant. Breaking the silence, Mom began to ask cautiously. "I found out that this is a divided country? In a country in a state of truce, why do you want to go there?"

I stifled a sigh as I dragged my chair closer. Mom's eyes, filled with worry, lingered on me as she continued her questions. "You can go anywhere in Europe from Finland. You can go to Sweden, Germany, or even the United States. But why are you going to a small country in the East that you don't know anything about?"

I replied in a voice a little annoyed. "Mom, this is my choice. Korea isn’t dangerous."

"It's a country still in conflict! What if war breaks out again? No matter how drawn you are to it, how can I let you go to a place like that?"

As the conversation with my mom became more and more intense, my father slowly appeared. It looked as if he had just come from the yard, and the cold air was on his thick coat. Dragging in the chill of the morning, he crossed the living room with heavy steps and approached the table where we were. Then, in silence, he sat down at the end of the table. He had a steaming cup of coffee in his hand, and soon he was listening to the conversation between his daughter and his wife.

As soon as I expressed my compulsion, my dad gently took a sip of his coffee. His face was heavy and silent, but there was anguish and concern in the silence. Finally, Dad spoke. His voice was soft but firm.

"Irena, I don't want parents to send their daughter to a dangerous place. The reason we say this is because we care about you. When you go abroad, there are a lot more things that are unfamiliar and difficult than you think. Whether it's Korea, the United States, or wherever. When you're away from home, you always miss it."

I didn't back down easily. "Mom and Dad. South Korea is not as dangerous as you think. And there are things I love about it. The same goes for K-pop famous 'BTS' and 'BLACKPINK', and Korean food is really good. Pork belly, kimchi, those are things you can't taste in Finland."

"And Korean culture is really special. The mobile phone culture is developing, and the fashion is innovative. The people are all friendly, and there's a whole different kind of vitality than in Finland."

Mom shook her head. "I know you're not going to live there forever, but it might not be as comfortable as you think it is."

I strangely couldn't control my anger that day. "I can handle that! And it's what I chose. After finishing high school, my favorite thing is to study in Korea. I definitely want to go!"

There was silence for a moment, and then Mom raised her voice. "Are you sure you're going there? Are you crazy?"

In line with my mother's unstable voice, which was entering menopause, I also strengthened my voice. "Why don't you trust me so much? I'm going to do what I choose!" and the involuntary "Damn, I have the right to live my life!" It was a swear word that I would never normally have said. My parents looked quite shocked, and I was also surprised by what I had said.

The conversation began to drift further and further aggravated. "You don't even know what you're doing. The world is not such an easy place. You're still acting like a child."

I fought back tears and cried. "It's not a child! I'm going to do what I want, it doesn't matter how much I oppose it!"

After breakfast, i ran out of the kitchen and threw myself back on the bed. My breath was short, and my mind was in turmoil. I didn't just want to go to Korea. It was a question of how to live his life, along with the question of going to college. I believed that I was not dependent on my parents, but that I was an independent being who had to make my own choices. 'This is my will. No matter how much my parents object, I'll go the path I've chosen,' said, suppressing anger as i watched the sunlight pouring in through the window. Just as I was about to get back up and go to school, I was a little shaken by the sound of footsteps outside the door.

Today was the day I graduated from high school, but it was also a day of freedom. As I crept out of the house, a cold breeze swept across my cheeks. 'Oh, I can't be late today,'

As I entered the auditorium where the graduation ceremony was being held, I could hear the warmth of my friends' laughter in the cold Nordic air. The graduation ceremony in our country was meaningful without a long speech, and the principal calmly called the students by name and presented them with diplomas. As I waited for my turn, my hands were dripping with sweat.

"Irena Leikanto," the headmaster's voice echoed through the room, and i walked out of the podium. When I received my diploma, I caught a glimpse of my parents sitting in the audience behind me. With tears in her eyes, she looked proud of her daughter, but i quickly turned her gaze away to avoid their gaze.

After the simple graduation ceremony, the students in white hats took commemorative photos, and the sighs of joy and regret did not stop for a while. Instead of looking for my parents, I quietly walked back to a bench in the corner of the playground. The still-cold wind gently swept through her long hair. In the distance, my friends spotted me and approached me. Marie, Sarah, and Jonah burst out laughing as they spoke. "Congratulations, Irena! We're done!" said Marie, smiling broadly. I replied with a forced smile. "yes, it's finally over. But it's also the beginning."

Jonah nodded in agreement. "Yes, everyone has to take a new path now, but I still can't believe you're going to Korea."

"I respect your choice, Irena," Sarah said quietly. "Don't you feel like an adult now? I don't know what's going to happen in the future, but if you have choice and focus, the way will be opened. It's your will that you chose Korea, and that's what will guide you," another friend said with a laugh. "Korea, you're going to a really far place. We won't see you often, but I'm sure it will make you stronger."

I nodded and smiled. "Thanks, I think so too. Maybe a new culture and a new way of life will change me. That's exactly what I want."

"Yes, I'm sure," Jonah said with a smile. "You're the strongest-willed of us all. If you choose something, it's going to be the right path."

I felt the warmth in Jonah's smile, but the moment was fleeting. One by one, the back of the field dissipated like a fading memory, and I just stared at the fading scene. He muttered. 'Time never stops, it changes here and now'

The empty playground was quiet. What is "choice"? The path is always branched off, and the path you choose to walk is endless, but you never know what will end it.

Alone on the playground, I was thinking about this and that, and the thought of repairing my relationship with my parents crossed my mind. In that void, the power of free will began to lead me again. I slowly dusted off my buttocks and got up to find my parents waiting for me in the living room. There was an awkward silence, but i spoke carefully. "Mom, do you remember? I told you then. I saw a strange shadow in the woods."

Mom looked at me in a moment's embarrassment, furrowing her brows. "Oh, you mean that? Do you mean 'Hishi' who appeared in the mountains?"

I nodded. "That's when my mom said she really saw it. But was it real?"

Mom was silent for a moment at the sudden question, then sighed. "Ugh Irena, stop catching the clouds. That's what I've seen with my own eyes. It was definitely there then, and it's just gone now. No one believes it, but I've seen it."

"Yes, that's right," I continued, reflecting on my memories. "Did you say you really saw it then? But no one believed it. Could it be that the brain recognized it before the eyes?"

An evil spirit called Hiisi. In Finnish mythology and legend, Hishi appears as a fear-inducing entity that confuses people and causes them to get lost in the mountains or forests. Legend has it that ancient Finns had to be careful in the woods in order to escape from Hisi.

Mom seemed to remember that day again. "Well...At the time, I felt like I had really seen it. But now that I think about it. Maybe it was really a brain illusion." She shook her head and added. "Anyway, no one believed me at the time."

I nodded slightly. "So... Is that what it is like to go to Korea? I want to believe that my choice is real, but maybe it's just an illusion created by my brain." The moment I connected my mother's experience with my own decision, I wondered if the path I had chosen was as unknown as Hishi's.

"Irena, I'm trying to understand your feelings. Really. But as a parent, sending you to a dangerous place is really hard to bear." "Even when I told you that goblin story as a child, I wanted to make you aware that it's dangerous outside. I always wanted to protect you. It was then, and it's the same now."

Dad was sitting on the couch, his hands clasped, watching our conversation. "Irena, we don't want to prevent you from choosing. It's just that, as a parent, I'm worried that the path you've chosen won't be safe," he paused, then continued in a deeper voice. "I know you're stubborn. I've been like that since I was a kid. But this time, it's not so easy for us to accept."

Mom nodded. "That's right. We've always tried to respect the path you've chosen. But the country of Korea...I don't know anything about it, I just think of what I've seen and heard on the news. Is it really the right choice to send you there? We're still in doubt."

I could see the look on my parents' faces and I could feel their anxiety and worry. They tried to respect my choice, but I was conflicted with my fear as a parent and my instinct to protect my daughter. Mother spoke again. "Because you're our beloved daughter...I'm afraid you're going to a place that's too far away, too strange."

Dad lowered his head and added heavily. "We're excited to see you grow and become independent. But if you're in Korea, you never know what you're going to face. No wonder we're worried."

Mom took my hand. The warmth led to the reality, but deep down, a yearning for Korea was soaring.

On the other hand, I saw that she was in conflict with two things: she wanted to hold on to me and wanted to encourage her to move on to a bigger world. "You're really..."At one time, I was able to protect my child, but now I'm afraid that protection will become a wall" She took a deep breath and looked at me once more. "I know how much you struggled to make this decision," she said, her voice shaking and grip on her hands, uneasy, but a gradual change seemed to occur in hers heart. The moment you acknowledge that your daughter is not a child, but an adult who can make her own choices.

"But if you really want to find something there...If that's the way you want it to be...We can't stop you. I don't know, Irena."

After talking to my parents, I slowly returned to my room. It was a moment when the steps should have been light, but the weight of the choice was not so light. Suddenly, my gaze lingered on the bathroom. As i pressed in, a dim light gently illuminated my body. As soon as I stepped on the tiled floor, I felt a cold sensation on my toes and the air in the bathroom was strangely thick. 'The path I've chosen, what's at the end of it?' asked, taking a shower and slowly brushing teeth with the toothbrush in my hand. I rinsed my mouth and looked in the mirror. The space on the other side was still own, but it was distorting as if she was being tricked. 'Who are you? Will he do business with you in the future? Or have you already made a deal?'

She clasped her hands together and shouted at something incomprehensible. "Life is an endless crossroads. There we inevitably make endless decisions! Leaving for Korea is just one of many crossroads. I'm ready to accept whatever the cost. Choice is a sword that cuts through the self anew!"

That night, I believed that the choice of perception would change my horizons, and that it would change the direction of my life.

Episode 1. The Finnish Girl - 'Choose'

The morning dawned again and was cold. The fir grove outside the window was silent, but there was no serenity in the silence. The sky is always gray, and as the daylight becomes shorter, the shadows become longer. Perhaps, that's why it casts a deep melancholy over us. The unique smell of the forest and the chilly air unique to Northern Europe were somewhat strange.

On my last day in Finland, the first time I learned about this small Oriental country flashed through my memory. The sensation of that day was certainly somewhat unfamiliar, but as time passed, it became an irresistible attraction.

It was a snowy winter night. The outside was covered in white, holding my breath, but my room was dazzling with bright fire. It reminded me of a K-POP video I happened to see on YouTube. The contrasting cultures of the two countries kept looming in my eyes. The nights were as bright as the day, and the streets were always bustling with people. It was a new world where I could get rid of the frustration of being here. The energy there was enough to fascinate me. The language they used, Hangul, was also different and easy. Compared to the complex inflection of Finnish, I felt the simplicity and beauty of Hangeul's regularity. The combination of consonants and vowels such as 'ㄱ', ㄴ'ㄷ', and was surprising to fit naturally. "Oh, it's like a geometric pattern!"

I focused on the screen and followed the subtitles. The vitality of the shining K-POP idols was conveyed, and the eyes moved from side to side, chasing the syllables. The melodies playing through the earphones were different from Finnish music. As soon as the music hit my ears, I involuntarily nodded my head or swayed to the rhythm to the beat. And before I knew it, the unfamiliar symbols were instantly imprinted in my mind. Just like the first time I pronounced the word "hello" in the textbook, my body and the tip of my tongue moved against my will. Above all, I thought that the uniform regularity and intuitive combination of this language gave a sense of "freedom." "This language does not teach me, it helps me find my own way."

At that time, I saw a world where I could make my own choices, and recognized Korea as a key to entering a new gateway.

At school, while studying world history, students were given the task of exploring the country they wanted to know. I remember the day when I always chose Korea and explored its history. It was not a country that had changed over time, but a place that had been reborn in the midst of constant invasion and hardship.

The events of the past—foreign invasions, colonialism, and the pain of division—all came to me like one grand drama, and it was even more exciting to me that they were real and not stories confined in a book. In the social sector, it was unique to see the coexistence of original traditional culture and modern popular culture. The scenery of hanoks and skyscrapers coexisting, and the irony of people wearing hanbok enjoying a K-pop concert while using their smartphones on the street stimulated all kinds of imagination.

The "hurry up" culture was also a fresh shock. This sense of pace is completely different from the leisurely and slow daily life of Korea. It made me wonder how it is so fast and efficient in the modern world. In Finland, it was normal to wait for a bus for a long time and keep a certain distance, but in Korea, the way people moved and the subway constantly approaching each other by a few minutes seemed like a different world. It was a country that gave women a sense of security. I liked the fact that the streets were brightly lit at night and that I could walk around alone even late in the day. Thieves who steal were rare, and trust between humans was deep. "All of this is the result of an order of social trust."

Food was also a major reason to go there. The kimchi, bibimbap, and tteokbokki I saw in YouTube videos looked exotic yet delicious. Completely different from Finnish food, the intense flavor tickled my senses. Our family used to focus on fish, potatoes, and bread, but the diversity of Korean food has opened up a new world of gastronomy.

Afterwards, the conversation I had with the teacher in the counseling room is clearly entrenched in my memory. I walked slowly down the long corridor leading to the consultation room, looking at the familiar scenery. Outside the grey window, you can see the endless forest, the heavy sky, and the secluded campus that you can see from time to time. The classroom was unusually quiet. Some of them are sitting at their desks, concentrating on their studies, others are turning on their computers, and others are staring out the window, lost in thought. Everyone had their own time in their own space, and the students were finding ways to express themselves in comfortable knits and jeans, or neutral colors, or in short-sleeved T-shirts and shorts despite the cold weather. When I opened the door to the counseling room, saw a teacher sitting by the window with a calm smile. The walls here were minimally framed, and unlike the traditional faculty offices, papers and books were piled up in a chaotic manner. Through the window, I could faintly see the snow-covered birch forest.

"How have you been, Irena?" the teacher's voice was soft, and at the same time seemed to respect every choice.

"I'm going to apply to a university in Korea," I said, making up my mind. "I want to challenge myself in a new environment."

The teacher nodded and looked out the window for a moment. "Yes, Irena. It's always meaningful to face a new world. But why Korea?"

It was more than just a curiosity. Should I say that it throws in a secret stimulus, as if trying to uncover the true reason that even I didn't realize? I paused for a moment. It would have been easy to say, "I'm just interested in Korea and want to experience a different culture," but the teacher's intention was not to give such a superficial answer.

"It's not a prestigious European university like my other friends...Korea, it's a very unique choice," the teacher continued quietly. "I don't think your decision was motivated by curiosity. Maybe it's not a reflection of something you're feeling here? Autonomous, but somewhat limited...Maybe it's because I want to leave this seemingly free and stuffy place. Right?"

The teacher's prediction wasn't wrong, but it wasn't accurate either. The Finnish education system values autonomy, but at some point, that autonomy became a barrier that held me back. I had a longing for a new world, and that's why I decided to apply to a university in Korea. However, I was silent for a long time when asked by the teacher. It was another thing to explain to someone the hustle and bustle going on in the brain.

"Teacher, I'm learning Hangul, it's not easy to learn Korean, but I feel like the language will open up a whole new world for me."

After that, I don't remember exactly what I said, but now that I think about it, it may have been just a little girl's romantic fantasy. "And want to apply for a major in civil engineering. Ingredients from nature. The water and soil are really interesting. It's wonderful that they exist in their natural state, but it's also fascinating to see how human hands can add artificial elements—like rebar or concrete—to create something new."

The teacher narrowed her eyes and nodded. "So, what you're saying is that the harmony between the natural and the artificial is interesting. And the human creation makes it convenient for the citizens."

"That's right," I nodded. "Dirt and water flow downward by gravity, but rebar and concrete are strong and stationary. But it's amazing how you can use them together to build bridges and build buildings. It's like...It's like two different worlds come together to create something new."

"You're such a challenging girl. I hope you're well prepared, but it's going to be a lot different from the way we were educated to be autonomous and creative. And the school you're applying to is going to be very competitive, so have you thought about whether the curriculum or teaching style there is right for you?"

"Yes, Korea is different from Finland. But that's why I chose it. The energy and the speed there, it's all that draws me in. I want to reach my full potential there."

I still can't forget the excitement when I received my acceptance letter from Mirae University in Korea a few months after I submitted my application. On a weekend afternoon, I was at home reading a comic book. As the low Finnish sun hung over the horizon, the breeze gently knocked on the windows, adding to the serenity. I immersed myself in the book and didn't let go of it. Then, I heard my dad's voice in the distance.

"Irena! The mail is here!"

I put my book down on my desk and cautiously headed for the living room. Dad's voice was a little more excited than usual, and he was sitting on the couch, waving envelopes. I headed to my father, hiding my nervousness. Then, I frowned for a moment. Strange excitement intersected with anxiety when something unexpected approached. The stamps were clearly stamped with the familiar university logo.

"What is this?" he asked, curious.

I didn't know how to explain it, so I was taken aback for a moment and said, "Oh, it's just...It's from my school. Maybe it's related to a small project."

Dad frowned and looked at him suspiciously. "A project? Isn't that Korean?"

"Yes, there are a lot of programs around the world these days. It's probably one of them," I hurriedly tugged at the envelope, avoiding his gaze.

"yes...But I'm curious as to what it's about."

"I'll talk to you later, Dad," replied as calmly as i could, but he was so quick-witted that he would have guessed it. My hands were already shaking slightly.

With the envelope in hand, I headed to the second floor. The steps up the stairs seemed natural, but inside I felt a dizzying mixture of emotions. From the first step I took the steps, my heart started beating hard. As I climbed the stairs step by step, my fear and anticipation did not subside. Finally, as I reached the end of the stairs, a familiar door appeared in front of me. As i turned the knob and took a moment to catch breath, i felt a surge of emotion suppress for a moment.

This room is my own little world where I made plans and made all the decisions in my imagination. At this moment, it was about to turn into reality. When I entered, there was a familiar desk and chair, but it felt different than usual that day. Everything was quiet and serene, but I knew it was about to be broken. i sat on the edge of the bed, clutching the envelope , and slapped bruises. And those few seconds before I opened the envelope felt like time was slowing down. The feel of the paper reaching fingertips, A strange pounding in my chest. Whether it was excitement or hypochondria, it was a jumble of emotions at that moment. I opened the envelope from the edge so that the papers inside wouldn't tear together. And I carefully took out the papers...Inside were the words I had been waiting for so clearly. My heart skipped such a beat that the words in front of me 'passed' suddenly blurred.

'This is really...'

'Now my parents, my friends, this country.... i'm really leaving.'

I got out of bed and leaned back on the back of my usual chair. The familiar grain of the wooden chair brought a fleeting sense of comfort, yet something beneath it gnawed at me. I slowly stood, as if weighed down by an invisible force. Each step back to the bed felt deliberate, with time itself slowing to match my pace. I lay down on the bed, slowly closing my eyes. Even at this moment, as I became acutely aware of the passing of time, the thoughts that arose in my brain drifted away. 'Is this moment going to be in the past? Am I the one who has become the past?'

In silence, time passes endlessly. 'I looked in the mirror... Was it really me? Isn't that another me that changes over time?' Even though the reflection there was clearly myself, the expression and look in his eyes were somewhat awkward. In this way, I thought that the self was divided into three parts. Like a puppet controlled by some invisible thread, it is drawn by the intangible hand of time, moving from here to there, from the past to the future.

'With the passage of time, the self changes and moves... i muttered softly, like a magic spell, and body soon fell asleep. Even in my unconscious dreams, the one I had seen in the mirror came back to me, like a false face.

When I woke up and rubbed my eyes, the faint light of dawn illuminated the room through the window. I had already packed all my belongings, but the reality of leaving suddenly weighed heavily on me. As I quietly opened the door and entered the living room, the air was more stiller than usual. My dad heard my presence and said in a quiet voice. "Irena, I'll take you to the airport."

I smiled and nodded at the warm offer. A few more steps abounded, and the scent came from the air—the smell that my mother had prepared since dawn. My favorite dish, Karjalanpiirakka, came fresh out of the oven, and the aroma of the pie topped with salty butter and eggs wafted through the air and tickled the tip of my nose. As I stepped into the kitchen, I saw my mom sitting at the table with a big smile on her face. "I've made breakfast with your favorite things. I'm going to eat."