The Imprint Journey E-Book

Liliane Desjardins

• Herausgeber: Modern History Press
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2011

Seitenzahl: 367

Beschreibung

Ever Wonder Why The Same Patterns Happen To You Over And Over Again?
We all have imprints, both negative and positive. An imprint is a belief that shapes our thoughts and actions, a belief we often hold unconsciously. Liliane Desjardins, a certified clinical addiction specialist, co-founder of Pavillon Gilles Desjardins, and co-creator of the Desjardins Unified Model of Treatment of Addictions, sets forth in The Imprint Journey an exploration of imprints, how they govern our lives, and how we can reprogram our minds to function in new and fulfilling ways.
The Imprint Journey is equivalent to reading two powerful books in one. Liliane spends the first section telling her own story--a childhood in war-torn Croatia, the death of her mother, being an immigrant first to France and later French Canada--and the addictions and dysfunctions that marred her life until a suicide attempt resulted in a near-death experience. Her own personal recovery led her on a mission to help others find their own freedom from self-imposed and self-limiting imprints.
The second half of this powerful book provides an anatomy of our imprints, revealing how to transform them so we are free to be our authentic selves. Liliane includes eight powerful personal stories of people who have overcome their imprints--including religious, sexual, and cultural limitations--as well as an overview of how understanding and rewriting our imprints can shape the human race's future as we all experience individual "Oneness." Readers will find themselves turning to The Imprint Journey again and again as a guide to relieve fears and to discover powerful truths about themselves that will transform them into their authentic selves.

Acclaim For Desjardins' The Imprint Journey
"Liliane writes from the depth of her own experience, with passion and power and a keen understanding of the human psyche. Her insights lift the reader above their own past patterns, providing insight both comforting and striking. The book inspires hope that no matter what we've been through, fundamental change is possible."
--Marianne Williamson, author, A Return To Love
"The Imprint Journey will touch your very soul and make way for profound transformation. From personal story to practical steps, Liliane walks with her readers on the path of awakening. Your life will be changed."
--Carolyn Craft, Psychotherapist, Unity Minister, host of "Waking Up With Carolyn Craft" on Sirius Satellite Radio
FAM501000 Family & Relationships : Dysfunctional Families
SEL003000 Self-Help : Adult Children of Alcoholics
PSY017000 Psychology : Interpersonal Relations

Leseprobe

The Imprint Journey

A Path of Lasting TransformationInto Your Authentic Self

Liliane Desjardins

Foreword by Douglas Ziedonis, MD, MPH

Life Scripts Press

The Imprint Journey: A Path of Lasting Transformation Into Your Authentic Self

Copyright © 2012 by Liliane Desjardin. All Rights Reserved

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

Desjardins, Liliane, 1938-

The imprint journey : a path of lasting transformation into your authentic self / Liliane Desjardins; foreword by Douglas Ziedonis.

p. cm. -- (Life scripts recovery series)

Includes index.

ISBN-13: 978-1-61599-087-0 (trade paper : alk. paper)

ISBN-10: 1-61599-087-9 (trade paper : alk. paper)

ISBN-13: 978-1-61599-088-7 (hardcover : alk. paper)

ISBN-10: 1-61599-088-7 (hardcover : alk. paper)

1. Desjardins, Liliane, 1938- 2. Recovering addicts--Croatia--Biography. 3. Dependency (Psychology) 4. Awareness. I. Title.

HV5805.D46A3 2011

362.29092--dc22

[B]

2010048729

Distributed by Ingram Book Group (USA/CAN), New Leaf Distributing, Bertram's Books (UK), Agapea (Spain), The Hachette Group (France), Angus & Robertson (Australia).

Published by Life Scripts Press, an imprint ofLoving Healing PressToll free 888-761-62685145 Pontiac TrailFAX 734-663-6861Ann Arbor, MI [email protected]

Praise for The Imprint Journey

“Liliane demonstrates that the imprints of our past need not limit our lives. Sharing her years of personal and professional experiences in recovery and counseling, Liliane shows how lives can be transformed, and provides the reader with tools to begin their personal transformational journey. This is a must read for anyone wishing to take their inner lives to higher levels of greatness, and for any professional looking for a transformational resource to use with their clients in all forms of healing and recovery.”

Donna Mailloux, Psychologist, Researcher, and Adjunct Professor,

Carleton University, Ottawa

“There has never been any doubt in my mind that we are all products of our environment as well as of our genetics. And both of those factors, whether we like it or not, lead us to some rather peculiar behavioral patterns or, probably even more accurately, the repeating patters of such behavior. What has never been quite clear to me though was exactly why and how we keep repeating such actions, which are all too oftentimes very destructive and/or self-destructive. The best answer I've found so far is the one provided by Liliane Desjardins in her book The Imprint Journey. Never judgmental, never preachy and never overly technical, this is one of those rare books that will make you think and re-evaluate who you are and why you are acting the way you are. If you are lucky, you will gather enough courage to deal with the issues that bother you. All the tools are there, you just need to find the courage to make that first step.”

Olivera Baumgartner-Jackson, Reader Views

“In The Imprint Journey, Liliane Desjardins has boldly stepped forward to tell her own story of dysfunction, misguided beliefs, and an amazing recovery. After working for more than thirty years as a clinical addiction specialist, formulating the Desjardins Unified Model of Treatment of Addictions, co-founding Pavillon, and penning Rewriting Life Scripts, she now tells her own long overdue story of an amazing journey that transformed her into a woman with a mission to help others find their authentic selves. Liliane's personal story reads like a good novel, full of excitement as well as fear and confusion, that reveals to the reader how she formed her often negative imprints—misguided beliefs that crippled and limited her life

The Imprint Journey is a book that will help inspire and transform anyone wise enough to read it. Even people who have been in recovery for many years will find new insights into themselves in these pages that will help them live even more authentic lives. Thank you, Liliane, for telling your story—for having the courage to share so much of yourself with others, and for leaving this book as part of your legacy and the culmination of an unforgettably powerful life and career.”

Tyler R. Tichelaar, Ph.D.,

author of the award-winning novel Narrow Lives

“The Imprint Journey will touch your very soul and make way for profound transformation. From personal story to practical steps, Liliane walks with her readers on the path of awakening. Your life will be changed. It is in understanding our imprints that we open to the desires of our heart's. No longer does our past have to play out in the ‘now’, or in the future. No longer does our past have to sabotage our soul's longing. Take a walk on the healing side of life and get ready for your Greatness and be transformed!”

Carolyn Craft, Psychotherapist, Broadcaster, Unity Minister

“Waking Up With Carolyn Craft” – Sirius Satellite Radio

“Mrs. Desjardins has written a book that's well-beyond interesting. With masterful presentation, the first section is an amazing story dedicated to her childhood; in fact, it reads almost as if it were an extremely well-written historical novel about WWII. The second half of this fascinating work actually explains and outlines Mrs. Desjardins’ work that she's been immersed in for over thirty years; a work that, I believe, could help a great many people change the course of their lives.

Whether you're in recovery of some sort, or you find yourself in a monumental depression, the way this author tells you about how you got there, and how she describes the fact that your Authentic Self is your real self buried under all the negative garbage you bear witness to every day, is a new and fresh idea that will help many people who are desperately trying to find the sun in their dark, dismal world.

Not only can this book be categorized under informative and interesting, but it is also a truly inspirational, uplifting story about how one woman found a way to offer herself forgiveness, at the same time finding a way to be grateful for every aspect of her life, and granting herself the freedom to live it.”

Amy Lignor, Feathered Quill Book Reviews

“In this honest, inspiring and definitive book, Liliane Desjardins leads us on a path of self-discovery and hope. The bridge built as her life's work and shared in these lucid and powerful pages, connects us to deep and sustained healing, renewed vision and the kind of peace that is our spiritual birthright!”

Rev. Steve Bolen, Sr. Minister

Unity Church of the Hills, Austin, TX

“I consider Liliane Desjardin's The Imprint Journey to be a must read for anyone who is interested in changing, or helping others to change, some aspect of their lives. She brings true insight and sensitivity to the field of personal growth, It is a book that will serve as a workbook and be used again and again.”

Joel Carroll, M.D.

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Foreword

Introduction

Part I: My Personal Imprint Journey

Chapter 1 – Through the Eyes of a Child

Chapter 2 – A Post-War Life: History Repeated

Chapter 3 – A Turning Point

Chapter 4 – The New and the Old

Chapter 5 – The Vista of Possibilities

Chapter 6 – The American Dream

Chapter 7 – A New Beginning

Part II - Tools For Your Imprint Journey

Chapter 8 – Going Inward--Going Deeper

Chapter 9 – Anatomy of an Imprint

Origin of Imprints:

Personal Examples:

In My Financial and Educational Areas

My Father's Negative Imprints:

My Mother's Negative Imprints:

Elizabeth's Negative Imprints And Self-Perception:

Chapter 10 – Light at the End of the Tunnel

Positive Imprints from My Mother:

Positive Imprints From My Father:

Chapter 11 – Co-Creation

Chapter 12 – Accessing the Authentic Self: First Action Steps to Transformation

The First Action Step To Transformation: Awareness

The Second Action Step To Transformation: Admittance

The Third Action Step To Transformation: Release—Letting Go Of “It”

The Fourth Action Step To Transformation: Willingness And Permission To Change

The Fifth Action Step To Transformation: Forgiveness—Radical Forgiveness

First Result and Benefit of Actions Taken: The Shift in Self-Perception

Second Result and Benefit of Action Steps Taken: Revelation

Chapter 13 – Accessing the Authentic Self: Steps 6 through 9 to Transformation

The 6th Action Step To Transformation: Gratitude

The 7th Action Step To Transformation: Meditation—Visualization And Affirmation

The Eighth Action Step to Transformation: Building and Maintaining Consciousness

Sensation Addiction vs. Enjoyment

Characteristics of the Divine Imprint of Enjoyment

Characteristics of the Divine Imprint of Creativity

The Ninth Action Step To Transformation: Acceptance And Love…Love Is The Way

As A Result Of These Actions, We Will Experience: Oneness

Chapter 14 – Living in Freedom: Testimony

Freedom from Religious and Cultural Imprints (Lila)

Freedom from Eating Disorder and Codependency (Diana)

Freedom from Destructive Parenting Imprints (Gerry)

Freedom from the Infamous “They” (Irene)

Freedom from Self-Loathing (Mark)

Freedom from Fear (Charles)

Freedom from Dysfunctional Beliefs to Be My Authentic Self (Vic Feazell)

Freedom from Religious, Sexual, & Economic Imprints (Gilles Desjardins)

Chapter 15 – The Spiritual Dimension

The Power of Prayer and Meditation

From Breakdown to Breakthrough

Life is about Change

Appendix: Imprints Worksheet for Your Own Imprint Journey

About the Author

Bibliography

Index

This book is dedicated to Love

The Power of Love

Love that transforms and heals

Love that creates and builds

To my own grandchildren Emmanuel, Samantha, Francesca, Chantale, and Roxanne, beautiful, wise, courageous bright souls; the shining stars and joy of my life.

To my daughter Caroline, the brilliant woman of the world, the enthusiastic, creative scholar devoted to excellence. The beautiful loving soul whose love healed my heart.

To my son Richard, the bright light of recovery. The courageous, committed, and brilliant teacher, the bold and daring heart of service. To my loyal son who is my teacher of integrity.

Yes to my beloved children, the free inspiring spirits making a difference in this world.

To Vivianne my stepdaughter, whose love for her children and husband continues to be an inspiration. The brave woman who re-wrote the script of family dynamics.

To my daughter-in-law Gina, beautiful, warm, devoted, creative, compassionate soul, a woman in whose presence one feels safe and loved.

To my sons-in-law Joseph and Douglas, whose goodness of heart and love of family is a never ending inspiration. With their sense of humor they light up a home.

This book is dedicated to my husband Gilles. The man with a vision of Wholeness and Transformation. The man whose unconditional love heals and transforms. The Pioneer and builder of dreams, whose daring spirit, set high the bar of transformational recovery. The love of my life without whom this book would be just an idea. To my best friend whose unwavering faith reinforces mine.

To Nana, my step-mom, whose spirit of survival carried us all through the storms of life.

And to all who have walked with me on the Path of Recovery and Transformation.

Acknowledgments

I am grateful to so many people in my life who were and are a vital part of this book. My gratitude goes to Irene Watson, my writing mentor, my Master Mind partner, and my friend. Thank you for your vision, love, and guidance that gave me wings to fly.

To Tyler Tichelaar, my editor. I will be forever grateful for your trust, your refined talent, and professionalism, your patience with my hesitations, your warm and caring spirit, and your understanding of the vision. Thank you, Tyler.

My gratitude goes to Dr. Douglas Ziedonis, the brilliant scientific mind with a heart of gold, whose guidance and friendship through the years has been such a treasure. You have inspired me to be the recovery bridge between spirituality and science.

Thank you to my publisher, Victor R Volkman; he's my wonderful publisher and friend, whom I have never seen in person but fully trust.

I am so grateful to all the bold and daring souls whose stories of pain and triumphs give vibrancy to this book. I know how busy you are; thank you for taking the time to help this world be a better place.

My deep gratitude goes to my sponsors Jeannine Prevost and Jack Boland and to my teacher Rev. Michael B. Beckwith. They have shaped my faith and imprinted my new belief system.

Thank you to Patty Murphy and Dale Hole for their trust and support of our mission; without them the mission would not have been the same.

Thank you to Chuck Hayes and Robin Britt for understanding the value and vision of our model. Thank you for your boldness and tenacity.

Thank you to all staff members from Canada and North Carolina, as well as all the volunteers. Your spirit of health, wholeness, and transformation has made a difference in this world.

Thank you to all my faithful friends, prayer partners, and fellows in recovery. You were and are the wind beneath my wings.

And last but not least, I am truly grateful for the spirit of innocence, joy, and playful energy our little dog Angel gives me daily. Thank you, Angel, for your unconditional love in the early hours of the mornings when this book was being written.

Foreword

Ever feel like you are walking through life on autopilot and making the same choices over and over? Our brain can get stuck in repeat mode, which limits our options and potential. Increasing our awareness and better understanding our brain's “imprints” can be the first steps to healing and transformation.

We all have the capability to be more present in the moment—more fully aware of where and who we are. What distracts us? Where is our mind spinning? Is our mind fear-based and over-focused on the future? Or perhaps we are concerned and ruminate about past events? Where does our inner wisdom come from? What shapes our values and beliefs? Imprints! They began with the genetic code we were given at the moment of conception and developed through the many events, experiences, messages, and moments along our journey. These imprints influence our relationships with others, self, and God. They shape our behaviors, expectations, and perceptions. However, with new awareness and understanding, they can be changed.

In The Imprint Journey: A Path of Lasting Transformation Into Your Authentic Self, Liliane Desjardins shares her own journey and lessons learned as a therapist in an intimate and humble manner that is insightful, clear, and concise. Her book provides a fresh perspective on pursuing mindfulness and personal transformation. She reminds us that we have “hidden treasures” in our “true identity” and “authentic self” that can be overshadowed by life's pains and fears.

Liliane's book reflects her more than thirty years of clinical experience using the Desjardins Unified Model for treating substance and process addictions. Her work has been built on a strong foundation of traditional therapy with new insights from her clinical and personal experience. She can blend the Desjardins model well with traditional therapy approaches.

The author speaks to us as both a friend and as an experienced therapist, raising useful questions for reflection that will help us better appreciate our imprints and their effect on our thinking, beliefs, perceptions, expectations, and even on our physiological responses to external events. This book will help anyone who desires to transform his or her life through the exploration of imprints. You might read it in one sitting, but you are likely to go back to it many times as you have new ideas, challenges, and experiences.

I have known Liliane and her work for over fifteen years, and I have seen her in action as an amazing clinician who has helped thousands of individuals transform their lives, finding their authentic self with increased awareness, acceptance, and gratitude. From my own conversations with Liliane, I have been inspired and helped to develop into a more effective clinician and person.

As a physician and psychiatrist, I have worked with many individuals, couples, and families who suffer from addiction, mental illness, grief, separation, and other life stressors. The wisdom in this book could be a valuable resource and source of support to all of them as a self-help guide or tool in therapy or a support group. As a leader and teacher at the University of Massachusetts Medical School and UMass Memorial Health Care system (as well as at UCLA, Yale, and Rutgers in the past), I know that students, staff, and faculty benefit from having time for self-reflection and from help with balancing work, family, friends, and community. Increasing awareness, one of the most important things we can all do, is the first step in Liliane's model.

Liliane's transformational guide is grounded in deep healing traditions and also resonates well with modern neuroscience and the cutting edge science of “epigenetics.” Recent neuroscience breakthroughs are helping us to understand better how our imprints affect our ability to be aware and transform our lives. For example, our research team at UMass is studying awareness and other key phenomena involved in healing and recovery through the windows of brain imaging and genetic research. Scientists now understand that the genetic material we receive from our parents can be altered and changed in a healthy or less healthy direction due to exposure to physical forces (such as chemicals, addictive drugs, therapeutic touch, and medications) and powerful emotional experiences (such as war, emotional abuse, love, and positive therapy experiences). Encoded through our brain's memory pathways, the imprints of our life's experiences impact all our thinking, feeling, and doing. These changes have a biological basis, but transformation is more than just biology—it is spiritual and encompasses all aspects of being human.

Liliane's book demonstrates the power of personal narrative—the power of authenticity and sharing your experiences to give others strength and hope. Through her and others’ personal stories in this book, we can reflect on how our imprints ripple through our lives. During the first part of the book (Chapters 1-7), we connect with Liliane's story as a model for how we can reflect on our own imprints and how they have shaped our perceptions, beliefs, and actions.

Imprints that have affected my own life include a core identity influenced by immigration, acculturation, and assimilation into America. Being a first generation Latvian-American whose parents fled as adolescents from their homeland of Latvia during World War II, I can connect with Liliane's reflections on her own immigration experience and her journey through war, oppression, and forced migration while trying to maintain a culture and core values. Such events can alter our fundamental view of the world: What's real? Who do you trust? Trauma, disconnection, uncertainty, isolation, and fear can leave their imprint for several generations and cause ripples of post-traumatic stress, dissociation, denial, and minimization of reality. These events can also lead to transformative experiences and new opportunities. For example, despite the heavy imprints of war's traumas, my own parents were able to cope and, through hope, evolve to achieve healthy, spiritual, and productive lives.

Part II of the book turns from Liliane's own story to provide “Tools for Your Imprint Journey.” Its mission is to help us uncover the core components of our imprints (Chapter 9), including considering the genetic, familial, societal, cultural, and religious influences. Imprints impact how we perceive, act, and think about love, relationships, family, health, finances, religion, education, social activities, life's purpose, and our sense of accomplishment. Chapter 10, a particularly important chapter, helps us uncover positive imprints—hidden treasures and sources of strength from our parents and other sources. Chapter 11 focuses on our spiritual energy's healing power and shows how it is linked to our capacity for empowerment and transformation. In Chapter 12, this energy or awakening helps us to access our authentic self through awareness, forgiveness, cognitive shifting, gratitude, acceptance, and other important steps in transformation. This core chapter is at the heart of the theory behind Liliane's approach. Her nine core action steps to transformation are awareness, admittance, release, willingness to change, forgiveness, gratitude, meditation and affirmations, enhancing consciousness, and acceptance of love.

Liliane's steps to transformation provide a guide to the journey of transformation and freedom from perceived limitations based on our imprints. Not only does she describe the steps; she offers terrific questions for reflection and goals, strategies, and techniques. For example, she describes the helpful technique of a “Gratitude List” that will help us appreciate what we receive from others. Another example is the use of meditation, including visualization and affirmations. Meditation is a universal way to cultivate awareness, and Liliane respects the contemplative traditions and expands these approaches with other models. Throughout, she offers wisdom, values, and hope. From my own experience reading these steps, I could imagine some readers will follow each step one after another and others will want to modify the order of the steps on their journey. The model allows for flexibility and staying true to yourself.

In summary, this book is a wonderful gift from an outstanding therapist. Liliane has put together a story of her life and a guidebook for others that will help us all on our journey. Your life can be enriched by reading and following the steps outlined in this book, as well as by reflecting on the examples and questions it offers. I am honored to be able to make a very small contribution to this book, and I am grateful that Liliane has shared both her life's story and her wisdom in the service of helping us all to be more accepting, respectful, and open to our true selves and full potential.

Douglas Ziedonis, MD, MPH

Professor and Chair, Department of Psychiatry

Director, UMass Center of Excellence in Addictions

University of Massachusetts Medical School / UMass Memorial Health Care System

Introduction

We live in a fascinating time of human development. Our planet and mankind are undergoing a lot of changes and experiencing a lot of chaos brought about by that change.

Governing systems and structures are breaking down. Religious fanatics are fighting wars and killing in the name of God. We experience a daily overload of information. Our news media fails to report with journalistic integrity, but rather, it focuses on sensationalism to get the highest ratings.

Our technology has surpassed our humanity. The Internet has changed the planet's entire communication system, bringing the world into our living rooms, while creating islands of human isolation and escape.

For many, love and intimacy have been replaced by cybersex, sex scandals, sex abuse, and child pornography. We are fighting but losing the war on drugs. Now we have legal pushers: greedy doctors, pharmaceutical companies, and an entire out-of-control healthcare system keeping America medicated. We have become a society of addicts craving instant gratification and instant solutions.

Corporate America, with its lack of accountability, lack of ethics, corruption, and greed mirrors back our own immaturity and irresponsibility, making them the agenda of the day that almost collapsed the entire economy.

Our planet is crying for help and responsible stewardship. Global warming, hurricanes and tsunamis, earthquakes and fires, polluted waters, and dying species have become daily dramas.

Yet, it is all so paradoxical. Out of chaos comes the greatest creative growth. Chaos brings order just as light eliminates the darkness.

We are collectively undergoing a tremendous shift in consciousness. Science and spirituality are meeting, and together they are conquering the new frontier: the mind.

We are starting to understand the power of our minds. Quantum physics, brain studies, new research on brain plasticity, breakthroughs in medical technology and imaging, as well as genetic engineering are producing a quantum shift and leap in consciousness. Spirituality, meditation, and affirmative visualization are transcending religion and blending with science. The new human for the twenty-first century is emerging.

I am fascinated by the speed of discoveries yet profoundly saddened by the pain we are experiencing. However, from my own life experience, I know that pain is my greatest teacher and the catalyst for my continuing transformation.

For some time, my intuition has been nudging me to write. The little voice within me kept on whispering, “Put down on paper your thirty years of clinical work in the field of addictions and family therapy.”

My ego had many rationales and answers for why I should not carry through with that idea. “You are not a writer. You have nothing to say. Great minds have done it and done it much better. You don't have time. You're too old. You cannot polarize your energies into writing. You need to take care of serious business. Writing is not productive.” Does any of this sound familiar?

Well, life usually gets our attention. Some recent movies and the latest research have validated my deep beliefs about forms of healing, transformation, and spirituality. This new validation gave my Authentic Self the necessary push, motivation, and passion to write about and further my lifetime work.

I have been on a spiritual quest all my life. My spiritual path has meant journeying down the road less traveled by doing my inner work for the past thirty-five years.

The pain of addictions led me to a healing process, but my soul's yearning attracted to me the teachers and teachings necessary to transform my life and to shape my life's mission.

I arrived on this planet on September 20, 1938 in Zagreb, the capital city of Croatia. Zagreb is one of the oldest cities in Europe and yet one of Europe's youngest metropolises. Its long history began with its founding in 1094, and in 1242, Zagreb was proclaimed a free royal city.

Zagreb was founded where the last hills of the Alps merge into the Pannonian Valley. The city is cradled between the Medvednica Mountain, its highest peak being Sljeme, and the Sava River. The city is at the crossroads of various cultures, religions, and nations.

In the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries, Zagreb was badly devastated by fire and the plague. The city was rebuilt during the Austro-Hungarian Empire's occupation with its architecture being inspired by Vienna. One of Zagreb's most recognizable landmarks is its neo-gothic cathedral. Begun in the late eleventh century, the cathedral was not fully completed until the nineteenth century. The cathedral's treasury contains priceless treasures and relics dating from throughout its long history. Zagreb is also marked with beautiful avenues lined with chestnut trees and gardens filled with lilacs and jasmine.

According to my parents, my arrival was a happy event. I was the firstborn and would be their only surviving child—my younger brother died two days after his birth and my sister was a stillbirth. For a long time, I was the only grandchild in the family. Then, when I was two years old, World War II erupted in Europe and the Germans soon occupied my country of origin.

Years later, a wise person told me that we choose the perfect environment for our spiritual growth; yes, the perfect environment to learn the lessons we need to learn so we can carry out our life's purpose. I have found that answer to be the logical explanation for why I grew up in the country I did and at that time in history.

My parents were sweet people, who had an important commonality point: their alcoholic fathers. Only when I started my own recovery did I truly understood the impact this simple truth had on their lives and on our family imprints.

You might wonder what are imprints: they are our emotional map, the deep-seated beliefs and values stored in our brain's limbic system. In spite of everything we know, our imprints govern our life at the subconscious level. Let me illustrate.

Have you ever been in a situation you found so painful and embarrassing that you told yourself, “I will never make this mistake again,” only to see yourself a few days, weeks, or months later repeating the same mistake. The people and places may have been different, but the results were the same.

Did you ever, after ending a really bad relationship, swear you will never again get yourself into another such relationship, only to find that your next relationship is the same or worse than the previous one?

Have you said to yourself and perhaps to your friends that you will never be like your parents? You were sure you would never say the things they said, nor act the way they acted. Surprise! One day you hear yourself talking to your child and you sound, look, and act just like your parents—history has been repeated.

Your rational mind knows better; it knows what you do not want to be, to do, or to experience. So you wonder what is wrong with this picture. You ask yourself, “Why am I doing this?”

The answer is imprint. Our subconscious imprints are the deep-seated beliefs and messages we have received and internalized.

Once an imprint is internalized, it becomes a subconscious governing force in our lives. Our imprints form our emotional map, determining our ability to relate to self and to others. Imprints form our perceptions, values, and belief systems. Imprints determine the quality of our relationships with life, God, self, and others. Our values govern our choices as well as our behaviors. They determine whether we are reactive or pro-active.

The limbic system is the seat of our ability to connect with others and experience intimacy and love. It is also the seat of our imprints. Imprints form our emotional intelligence. Consequently, our imprints can enhance or sabotage our ability to connect, to form and sustain meaningful relationships with others.

Imprints can be broken down into two major categories: genetic and environmental. I will explore both in this book.

My purpose here is to take you on a journey of emotional, intellectual, social, cultural, and religious imprinting. In the first section of this book, I will illustrate for you the imprints I have developed during the past seventy-one years of my life; then I will provide you with the information and tools I have learned about imprints and share stories of others who have been successful in overcoming their own negative imprints. By doing so, I hope you will be able to transform your own life, shed the imprints that hold you back, and find your Authentic Self. We will talk more about what is the Authentic Self in these pages as well.

I am very grateful for everything that has ever happened in my life. It does not matter if I have internalized it as good or bad. All of it was necessary to transform me into who I am today. It was the necessary path to my true Identity and Authentic Self. My story is the story of suffering transformed into lessons, gifts, and victories. More than that, it is the story of human spirit rising above circumstances, thereby allowing me to rewrite my history. My passion, my creativity, and my compassion for humanity were all born on that path.

My hope is that this book will be the catalyst of your own transformation and awakening to your Authentic Self. My greatest hope is that children of wars and children of oppression and abuse can find hope, dignity, and a path of transformation. My intent is to take you on a journey of rewriting your history, shifting your perceptions, and discovering the truth of your origin. Thank you for joining me along this path.

Part I:

My Personal Imprint Journey

1

Through the Eyes of a Child

In April 1941, I was two and a half years old. The Germans had just invaded my country and my hometown. Before World War II, Croatia was part of the Kingdom of Yugoslavia. It was technically a monarchy, ruled since 1934 by the young King Peter II, who would be forced to go into exile when the Axis powers invaded.

At that time, I was too young to understand what was happening, but I was aware of my parents’ fear as they listened to the radio. An Independent State of Croatia had been formed—a clerical-fascist state. I didn't understand what any of that meant, but I felt my parents’ fear and insecurity.

In the following months, my hometown no longer looked the same. Soldiers were everywhere. My parents did not take me to the park any longer. People whispered. Everything was strange. My mom still baked cookies, but she also cried a lot. I was still a child…now I was a scared little girl. Why?

The radio's volume was kept low. My dad was listening to the voice of America. My parents’ faces had changed from smiles to worry. The laughter was gone. The blinds on the windows were always closed now; no longer was I allowed to play in the park. Why?

The answer was always the same, “Hush, baby; these are hard and dangerous times. You must be a good girl…don't make Mama cry.”

I loved my mom; I didn't want to make her cry. I couldn't understand why nobody played or laughed anymore. Why was there no more music? Why couldn't we see the sky? Why were we in darkness? Why were the sirens screaming outside?

Early imprint: I internalized “Don't make Mama cry” to mean that other people's happiness is my responsibility. If they cry, it is my fault: I am not good enough.

My mother and father had a fashion salon in our home. Mom had a few ladies working for her and was always busy. My grandma, my mom's mom, was my primary babysitter.

Grandma was my storyteller. She told me tales about angels and spirits. While she gently brushed my blonde curly hair, Grandma told me how angels have beautiful blonde and silky hair. Listening to her sweet voice made me feel safe from the outside danger. Grandma said the angels were everywhere and would protect us from harm. I believed her. She said I had a beautiful and wise guardian angel who was always leading me on my path.

These stories created one of the positive Spiritual Imprints I have felt at work throughout my life: the feeling of being guided.

My favorite story from Grandma was about when she was a little girl and went to the family well to get some water. The cord was stuck around the wheel. Because she was too small to reach the cord, she climbed up onto the well wall to pull the cord. The cord got untangled, but the wheel started rolling and pulling my grandma into the well. Soon, she was hanging in the darkness and crying for help. That is when her guardian angel held her in her arms so she would not fall farther down into the well. Her angel sent for help by making Grandma's big brother worry about her. He went looking for her, heard her cry, and got her out. Grandma said we must always listen to the little voice within us as our angels always tell us what we must do. Grandma also had some scary stories about the devil and how bad and powerful he was. She was so scared of the devil that she could not even say his name. She called the devil the dishonorable one.

The religious imprint of my childhood was based on this duality of Good and Evil. It was based on external Power.

One of the ladies who worked for my mom was Melanka. She was my favorite of Mom's workers. She always came in with a smile. She loved pretty dresses and would talk to me about beautiful ladies in evening gowns going to the opera. I liked being with her, and I dreamed about the beautiful dresses I would wear when I grew up. Melanka had a way of shutting down my Why? Why? Why? She made dresses for my doll. Outside, it was scary, but when I was with Melanka and my dolls, I was still a little girl.

At Christmas in 1941, I was a little over three years old. That year, there was no smell of cookies, no suckling roasted pig, and no bread. Christmas Eve dinner was very quiet. My mom had made soup and a little cake. There were no toys. My Christmas present was a sweater my mom had made. My parents said that Saint Nick could not come because of the war. My mom cried because there were no toys for me. My dad said the war was destroying us. When I asked, “What is ‘war’?” my dad said it was when Germans or bad people invaded other people's countries and killed people. My grandma said we needed to pray; she said it was the devil making the war happen.

At night in my bed, I asked my guardian angel to make the Germans go home and to protect us.

A few times a week, I would go to church with Grandma. We would go very early in the morning. The church smelled good. We lighted candles for all the dead people in our family and one big one for my grandfather. Grandma wanted Grandpa to stop drinking. She said the devil made him drink and he was a drunk. I thought Grandpa was great fun to be with even if he did smell funny. He sang songs to me, and he talked to me about big ships he sailed on when he was a merchant marine officer, and he told me about far away countries he had visited where there was peace. Grandma and I lighted a candle for peace. Grandma said God would make the Germans go home. I believed her.

One day, I asked my dad why his dad, my other grandpa, never came to visit. He said it was because my grandpa was a mean drunk and good for nothing. Dad told me not to ask any more questions about him.

Unconsciously, I internalized my parents’ shame and embarrassment over their alcoholic fathers, and later down the line, this imprint would stay with me as my very own toxic shame.

One day after Christmas, Melanka came to work crying. When my mom asked her what was wrong, Melanka said that the Ustashi had taken her husband to a concentration camp. [In April 1941, separatist Croats from Ustasha, the fascist terrorist organization, set up in Zagreb an Independent Croat regime. The new state, organized on strictly fascist and authoritarian lines, collaborated in all atrocities with the Nazis. Ruthless cruelty and genocide were its trademarks.]

Through Melanka's sobbing, I heard her say, “He is innocent, but they will kill him.” My mom tried to console and support her. I went to the corner to sit in my little chair and to cry. “Why are they going to kill us?” I wondered. Grandma said God would help us. I wished someone would tell me when. I knew then what fear was… it was when you couldn't breathe and you hoped no one would see you.

On Mardi Gras Day, my mom showed me the costume she used to wear to the Mardi Gras Ball. She was a princess. Mom said that when I grew up, I'd be able to wear her costumes and pearls to the ball and even her beautiful feathery masks. She had a mask that her father had brought her from Venice, Italy. I wondered whether she meant that by the time I was grown up, the Germans would be gone. I hoped soon there would be music and dancing again.

Zagreb in winter was a true winter wonderland. The trees were covered with snow and only the red cardinals stood out like little flowers. We lived in the suburb in a friendly neighborhood with big trees, beautiful gardens, and loving people. On Mardi Gras, the snow was gently falling and making our yard beautiful. My favorite cherry tree was heavily covered with snow; it looked peaceful. I was on the slope in our yard, on my sleigh and sliding down with my doll. I kept my doll warm in my sweater.

That morning, my dad had gone to the market hoping to get some meat and groceries because less and less food was available. As I was sliding down the hill, he came running back. Suddenly, I heard noise all around me. A lot of planes quickly filled the sky. My dad grabbed me and we ran inside. In the hurry of the moment, I lost my doll. She was lying out in the snow. I wanted to go outside to get her, but my dad said, “No. It is too dangerous.”

Once we were inside, I heard my dad explaining that the convoy of Italian troops outside was delivering new ammunition to the local German headquarters, located in the high school at the end of our street. The entire football field, behind the school, had been turned into the Germans’ ammunition depot. The air attack was by the Allies to stop the Germans from building up their ammunition depot. Of course, I didn't fully understand all of this.

Suddenly, explosions were going off all around us. All the windows in our home were blown to pieces. My mom pushed me under an arch separating the dining room from the living room.

My mom was on top of me. Her hand was grabbing my throat and her nails were going deep into my skin. I could not breathe. My dad was trying to cover both of us. He finally noticed that Mom, in her panic, was choking me, so he pulled her hands away. Mom and I were sobbing.

I was so scared. Why did Grandma say the Germans were going to go home? The shattering of china and glass, the deafening sounds of explosions, the piercing sounds of sirens would stay with me for years. These were the sounds of death and terror. Yet the sounds were nothing compared to the visual images that followed, revealed by the sudden silence.

Like in a horror movie, our home had been turned into a war zone. Pieces of trucks, tires, metal, and glass were covering our furniture. Walls were cracked; windows were blown out. The floors were covered with glass, pieces of china, and bricks. In the backyard, hanging on the tree branches were pieces of human bodies.

My dad heard someone crying in front of our house. He walked over the debris to a man lying on the street, dying. The pressure from the bombing had crushed every bone in the man's body. My dad and a neighbor tried to lift him up without success. The man died while my father was holding him. In silence, my dad returned inside our house and took me into his arms. We all sobbed together. I did not ask my parents why people kill. Instead, I said, “I hate the Germans.” My mom told me I must never say that; nobody could ever hear me say that. On that day, my feelings were silenced.

Our friends came screaming to our house. They asked for our help. In their bedroom were the heads and arms of the Italian soldiers. The Italian truck full of soldiers had been blown to pieces. The street was covered in blood.

They said that my girlfriend's mom had suffered a nervous breakdown. I didn't know what that meant, but I thought she was also going to die. The entire neighborhood smelled of death and smoke because the fires kept burning all night around us. It reminded me of the devil and the Hell my grandmother had told me about.

That night, my parents listened to the BBC. The radio reporter said that the British precision pilots had carried out their mission. From that day on, my parents listened to the BBC in secret—no one must know.

Lying in bed that night, I realized that life would never be the same. I knew that the world was not safe. I knew that I hated mean people who killed. I didn't understand why people killed, but I did not ask. I didn't know why God did not send His angels. I decided something must be wrong with the stories my grandma had told me, but I did not know what.

After that first bombing, the city went dark every night, no lights, no power, so it could not be seen by planes above. At the end of our backyard was an unexploded bomb. No one came to remove it. No one dared to go near it.

I stopped sleeping in my own bed and went to sleep with my parents. I clung to my father. Fear was not just a feeling. Fear had become a permanent state of being that went hand in hand with a deep-seated sense that there was nothing any of us could do. That was my first experience with powerlessness. The innocence and safety of my infancy had been replaced with daily terror.