A Poetic Plunge E-Book

Natalie Gilmore

• Herausgeber: BoD - Books on Demand
• Kategorie: Sachliteratur, Reportagen, Biografien
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024

Seitenzahl: 188

Beschreibung

These poems take you on a dive into the creative journey of a professional dancer and all the experiences and people that got her there along the way. It is a biography in poetic form.

Leseprobe

A HUGE Thank You! … to those who donated to make this project possible. I am forever grateful for your support.

[Benjamin Krause] [Sienna Lyons]

[Sasha Bazhenova] [Susie Hayasaka]

[Franco & Hannah Firpo] [Annette L.]

[Robert Izzard] [Brittany Markle] [Mike Faello]

[Sohei Sugihara] [Kayla Curto] [Mandy Heflin]

[Nick Anthony] [Marc] [Liliyana S.]

[Grace Derocha] [Nicole Russo- Henderson]

[Tamara Diles Lissandrello] [Sarah Siebert]

[Aj Harpold] [Alex Schoendorf] [Aki]

[Lindsay Richardson] [KiLeigh Williams]

[Emma Werler] [Kate Schofield] [Diane Lee]

[Lindsey White] [Kim Seipel] [Flor Banchio]

[Arthur & Mathilde] [Tetiana Kocherhan]

[August Mailand] [Adam St. John]

[Mikka Wild] [JP Deapera]

Book Cover by: Anika Macias

Inhaltsverzeichnis

INTRODUCTION

The NOW

Uprooted

P.S. - Uprooted

Re-planted

P.S. - Re-planted

I fell

P.S. - I fell

Water Spills

P.S. - Water Spills

Friendships Fade

P.S. - Friendships Fade

Adjustments

P.S. - Adjustments

Change

P.S. - Change

My Roots

P.S. - My Roots

Butterfly

P.S. - Butterfly

Out of practice

P.S. - Out of practice

I’m not

P.S. - I’m not

Pen to Page

P.S. - Pen to Page

Souls Tattoo

P.S. - Souls Tattoo

If you dare

P.S. - If you dare

Home

P.S. - Home

Daily Business

P.S. - Daily Business

Floating

P.S. - Floating

Shooting Star

P.S. - Shooting Star

For the dreamers

P.S. - For the dreamers

Soul Sisters

P.S. - Soul Sisters

Dear little Nat

P.S. - Dear little Nat

This Time

P.S. - This Time

New Lingo

P.S. - New Lingo

Bonus Mom

P.S. - Bonus Mom

Away Message

P.S. - Away Message

Balance

P.S. - Balance

Me Tree

P.S. - Me Tree

New Shoes

P.S. - New Shoes

To the clouds

P.S. - To the clouds

Stay in the day

P.S. - Stay in the day

The THEN

Soledad

P.S. - Soledad

Momma

P.S. - Momma

LaLa

P.S. - LaLa

Big Bird

P.S. - Big Bird

Dance All Night

P.S. - Dance All Night

Play Birthday

P.S. - Play Birthday

Gymnastics

P.S. - Gymnastics

Clara

P.S. - Clara

Emily

P.S. - Emily

Baby on Board

P.S. - Baby on Board

Little Light

P.S. - Little Light

He Just Left

P.S. - He Just Left

Mana

P.S. - Mana

High School

P.S. - High School

A Cold stone

P.S. - A Cold stone

First Love

P.S. - First Love

Summer Love

P.S. - Summer Love

A New Breed

P.S. - A New Breed

Wisdom Teeth

P.S. - Wisdom Teeth

California Dreamin’

P.S. - California Dreamin’

Coffee Bucks

P.S. - Coffee Bucks

Leaving the nest

P.S. - Leaving the nest

No time to sleep

P.S. - No time to sleep

First Attempt

P.S. - First Attempt

Work Study

P.S. - Work Study

Car Trouble

P.S. - Car Trouble

Welcome to the Jungle

P.S. - Welcome to the Jungle

Comparing

P.S. - Comparing

Rejection

P.S. - Rejection

Self-Doubt

P.S. - Self-Doubt

Give me two years

P.S. - Give me two years

The Light in the Tunnel

P.S. - The Light in the Tunnel

Tokyo Seaweed

P.S. - Tokyo Seaweed

Back to the rind

P.S. - Back to the rind

Spiderman

P.S. - Spiderman

The sun in my eyes

P.S. - The sun in my eyes

Every Day I’m Hustlin’

P.S. - Every Day I’m Hustlin’

To the guy friends

P.S. - To the guy friends

Chapters

P.S. - Chapters

The Switch

P.S. - The Switch

Checks

P.S. - Checks

The Pak

P.S. - The Pak

A Month “Home”

P.S. - A Month “Home”

Bob’s

P.S. - Bob’s

Manifesting

P.S. - Manifesting

Bobby

P.S. - Bobby

A standard drive

P.S. - A standard drive

On to the Next

P.S. - On to the Next

The First Call

P.S. - The First Call

The Second Call

P.S. - The Second Call

Time to suit up

P.S. - Time to suit up

The First World Tour

P.S. - The First World Tour

That First Big Show

P.S. - That First Big Show

Highs & Lows

P.S. - Highs & Lows

Matriarch

P.S. - Matriarch

Postpartum

P.S. - Postpartum

First Space

P.S. - First Space

It Lingered

P.S. - It Lingered

Thirty

P.S. - Thirty

Underwater

P.S. - Underwater

Accepting Flow

P.S. - Accepting Flow

Letting Go

P.S. - Letting Go

Teaching Sparks

P.S. - Teaching Sparks

Inspiration Station

P.S. - Inspiration Station

The Lump

P.S. - The Lump

Sprinkles of work

P.S. - Sprinkles of work

A patient of patience

P.S. - A patient of patience

Round 2

P.S. - Round 2

A Bowl that was Super

P.S. - A Bowl that was Super

No Great End

P.S. - No Great End

INTRODUCTION

I promise I’ll keep this short.

(Long book intros make me antsy.)

I’m a kid at heart with an independent hardshell exterior. I’m also an extremely sensitive and emotional being. My childhood was for the most part what a privileged human would call “normal.” I did the public-school thing and enjoyed some after school hobbies. Dancing became my favorite hobby around age 6. The joy it brought me, and the exhilaration I got from performing has kept me dancing all the way to this very day.

After high school things got a little less “normal.” I ventured away from my hometown to pursue some far-out dreams that sometimes even I didn’t think were possible. Since then, I’ve been blessed to have experienced some amazing things. I often feel I’ve won a different type of life lottery. I feel my story has unfolded in the way that it has for me to be able to share it. Share the magic of occasionally floating calmly in smooth waters, or diving deep to avoid the wild waves life brings.

I think I was 13 or 14 when we first studied poems in my literature classes in school. I was fascinated by the magic that could be captured in both short and long form poems. I loved that some of them had no clear structure at all. They often felt like scattered words, but when you looked closely there was a window into another world right there before your eyes.

Here’s your chance to plunge into my world a bit. This book is divided into two parts. You can read The NOW before the THEN, or maybe you want to do the opposite and start from the early years of my story and work your way into where I am now. Feel free to skip around randomly if that’s more your style.

Each poem is followed by a P.S. (Plunge Story) which is a more person-to-person reflection of what I felt or feel about each poem. It has taken me close to 5 years to write this book. Nevertheless, every poem plays a role in my story, and holds a special place in my heart.

Here in these pages, I will take you with me into an ocean of memories. Floating through joyful waters of eminent times, together with deep dives into the downhearted ones too.

Please enjoy… A Poetic Plunge with Natalie Gilmore.

The NOW

Almost 3 years ago, I chose to make a crazy shift in my life. I chose to pack up my life in LA, and move across the world to Berlin, Germany to live with my at the time fiancé, now husband. After the pandemic, I felt ready to start a new adventure. I felt in my heart that it was time for a big change.

Little did I know, it would be one of the most challenging and life altering changes of my life thus far. Isolated from my community as well as everything that was familiar, I dove deep into a place of solitude and quickly became aware of all the parts of me that I had not yet faced.

I was a new Nat, in a new place, searching for some familiarity to hold on to. I didn’t find much of that at the start. Learning German, while starting fresh in a similar but different industry, had its pros and cons alike. I can’t say that I’m fully settled in this new life, but I can say that I’m proud of the things I’ve overcome and discovered in the process.

I’m slowly sifting through the conditioned beliefs that were once set values in my life. I am forging a new path with new ideals lighting the way.

Here forward is a collection of poems written in those adaptive times. They reflect many of the emotions that have flowed in and through me during this massive change. I am still learning the new Nat and uncovering all the new adventures that are meant for her here. I am slowly feeling a new fire light inside of me that is burning new energy into everything that I do.

Uprooted

Elusively lucid in a forest of space.

Not exactly sure where to turn,

not familiar with home base.

Anxious in adaptation.

Adjusting adamantly.

Cautious at every turn,

mind and heart feeling the burn.

I thought the shifts would be smoother.

Calm like a lake,

in the wake of the morning dew.

But the water rushes in and out with different force daily.

Surfing, sailing or scuba diving,

I’ll find a way maybe.

P.S. - Uprooted

My partner and I dated long-distance for about 2 years. We had for a while spoken about the possibility of me moving to Berlin to start a life together. He is a dedicated father to two amazing children, and I knew that I would never want him to move far away from them.

During and after the pandemic, a lot of things had changed within the dance industry. So many jobs were restricted, or simply not happening. The entertainment world took a screeching halt, and a couple of the dance studios where I would train and teach at were forced to close their doors. Although it was very sad, it also allowed me to really think about my place in LA, and how I wanted to continue forward. I had lived in LA for 16 years at this time and had accomplished so much of what I first set out to do. During those work focused years, I often longed to build my personal life too. Focusing so deeply on the work and achievements, I think I didn’t really give my personal life a fair chance.

And now here was that chance. The chance to work on another important aspect of my life, and I was ready to give it a fair shot. So, I packed up my whole life, and moved to Berlin in August of 2021.

Re-planted

I’ve been re-planted in new soil.

New roots wiggling in,

as I sift through the weeds of my past on the way down.

Nutrients of all kinds nurture these new veins,

as I continue to connect with this new place.

Fertilizing the growth of a new seed planted.

Absorbing the surrounding sunlight,

as I photosynthesize into developed expansion.

Shooting my way through the moss.

I sprout.

Then bud.

Then bloom.

Maybe this time,

a tree with leaves that come and go with each season.

Or a flower whose nectar nourishes the bees

to progress the ecosystem.

All of which have their time,

and then begin new again.

That’s where I stand.

Anew with a new view.

Ready for all that’s to come.

P.S. - Re-planted

This one I wrote about how it felt to be uprooted from my LA life and re-planted into my new Berlin life. It felt like I was sifting through the soil but couldn’t quite see how it would all bloom. That feeling still comes in waves. Everything is different. I mean everything. My environment, the food, the language, the culture, the weather, my work and my home. Sheesh!

Sometimes I’m still not sure how I’m doing it. But at that time, deep inside, there was also an excitement. Something that was telling me this was the perfect time for me to get a fresh start. To bloom where I was in whatever way that I could at that time. Three years later, I’m still ironing out the details. I have times where it gets hard mentally, and times where I’m so thankful for the opportunity to start fresh with the support system that I have. I am a constantly budding plant that is feeling her way through the new soil every day.

I fell

I fell quickly and unexpectedly,

to a place I didn’t know yet.

I fell in slow motion.

A fall

that called me

to crawl back tall,

into a newer version of me.

A bit shook, confused, off-balance and scraped up.

But like leaves falling in fall,

I want to float down with patience,

through this season of transformation.

P.S. - I fell

I wrote this short poem after I actually fell off my bike one day. I was just running a few simple errands close by, and on my way home I caught the edge of the curb at the wrong angle. I let go of the bike to not crush my legs with it, and in that very (what felt like slow-motion moment,) I caught myself by sliding against the pavement with my palms and kneecaps.

Ouch!

Thankfully, I wasn’t moving too fast, and I was able to ride the rest of the way home with just a few scrapes and bruises. It had been so long since I had physically fallen. The fall had triggered so many thoughts in me. It reminded me of how I often felt in this new place. Sometimes slowly falling while feeling a bit out of control. Not able to make the same kind of living that I had made in LA. Not being able to always communicate when I was out and about. Not being able to know where this road would take me or if it was simply going to take me down.

Water Spills

Water spills.

My heart deeply fills.

Reminded of how far I’ve come,

and inspired by all that I’ve yet to become.

Moving more precisely.

Making stops and turns decisively.

Way more aware of the things that feel like ease.

Inviting a lot more of that in please.

I am already breaking the cycles.

Excited to bring forth mic fulls.

Grateful for these fresh eyes.

Only for magic will they compromise.

P.S. - Water Spills

I spilled a large glass of water on this day. Where I would normally get really frustrated, I felt a sense of perspective take over me.

My subconscious then said to me, “Forget about the water Nat, look at how far you’ve come.” I’m not sure why that statement came at that moment, but it did, and I grinned big as I cleaned up the silly spill. It was a moment where I gave myself grace and remembered that I was doing things that some could never imagine doing in their lives. Remembering that I had accomplished so much already at this point, and I felt proud.

Really proud.

Not sure how the spilled water triggered all of that but I’m thankful it did.

Friendships Fade

Friendships fade,

in elaborate ways.

It stings pretty sharp,

to not know exactly why.

You will miss them.

But know it might be time

to let them go.

Always remember the good times,

but don’t dwell too long,

‘Cuz time flies.

Sometimes they visit me in my dreams.

Flashes of the friendship gleam.

I wouldn’t trade the time we had,

a lot of it kept me really glad.

Making new friends isn’t always easy.

The older I get the greater that feeling.

Grateful for the ones that haven’t faded.

They are the reason I am a little less jaded.

P.S. - Friendships Fade

During and post pandemic a lot of people also relocated either back to their hometowns, or somewhere completely new. Some of the friendships that I had for a large portion of my life had faded out. Those friendships all felt so influential to my life. They were people who had been with me through some tough times, as well as some incredibly euphoric ones. Watching them fade out was hard. It hurt a lot. I stopped hearing from them, and I understood why.

Sometimes understanding it makes it even harder. You see it. You get it. But you aren’t quite ready to let go. But yes, life will show us when it’s time to let go, even if we don’t want to. The resistance to it is what causes the suffering within us. I allowed myself to mourn the changes, but I also reflected on all the memories we had made that will be with me forever. If you’re one of those friends that faded away, just know that I understand, and will forever cherish the memories we made.

Thank You for being in my life for the time that you were. You really helped me through a lot.

Adjustments

Adjustments falling in line.

New journeys divine.

Missing only the comforts that once were.

Finding new ones to incur.

A great escape from the norm that once was.

Inspired to see what the universe does.

Appreciative of all that has been.

Excited for every new win.

Expression has been minimal.

Feelings bottled up invincible.

Navigating new waters in a new boat.

Learning to keep my heart afloat.

Becoming more of what I’ve always been.

Each day allowing a little more in.

I am me and only me.

Adjusting the vision with new clarity.

P.S. - Adjustments

When I wrote this it really felt like every day I was finding small adjustments. Like when you crack your knuckles and can feel that little realignment that just needed to be. Parts of my life were coming together, and others were falling apart. I was adjusting accordingly as best I could. I felt grateful to start fresh but was also looking and feeling for how exactly I wanted to do that. Little by little, I see the adjustments smoothing out. I am excited for more adjustments and more smoothing out.

I guess in life the adjusting and smoothing process is the ebb and flow of it all. Change is constant, even if you stay in one place forever. Learning to smoothly move through the change has been my greatest practice as well as my greatest internal battle.

Change

Change is a range of emotion.

A transformation potion.

Ever pivoting angles, you once thought you knew well,

connecting your confusion and delusion into dwell.

Often an internal hell.

A space you don’t want to sit down in.

A space that feels uncomfortable.

But the space you need to move into a new comfort.

Backwards as it may feel,

those fearful layers we need to peel.

Stop worrying about what others may be thinking,

and experience deeply everything between blinking.

Zoom in on the moments you don’t know

which way to go.

Breathe deep, and slowly connect each row.

Each row holds a power.

Let them bloom like flowers.

Slowly build a dream tower.

Tackle it with glower.

Let the change be your guide,

it is a huge part of the ride.

Once we can accept it in stride,

heart and mind less often divide.

P.S. - Change

I say it in this poem “Let the change be your guide.” This part is essential, especially when the change is not so comfortable. I’ve never been so good with change when it’s forced, but I’m also not afraid to take a leap into the unknown. Those seem to counteract each other, but it’s the truth. Sometimes I may not be so prepared for what’s to come, but who is? As humans we crave the familiar.

The things and people that bring us comfort. But the funny thing is, one of the biggest constants in life is change. Always shifting and lifting us into new versions of ourselves. There is not one magic way to handle it, especially when the change may be sudden or extra uncomfortable. But these shifts whether big or small are there for a reason. A reason we may not know yet.

I guess what I’ve learned is the only way out is through.

We must feel the feelings, and work on shifting the ones that we can. Understanding and trusting that maybe what we had is no longer with us for a reason. Trusting that maybe, just maybe, there is something grander on the horizon.

After making a huge change in my life, uprooting from the home I knew for 16 years, and building a new life from scratch in a different country, the only thing I’ve really been able to cling to is taking things one day at a time.

I try to remember that in each new day we can start new, both in our actions and in our mindset alike. The waves of life will come and go. Sometimes you’ll float in calm waters and other times you’ll need a surfboard to get you back to shore. In both cases we are in control of how we feel and think in the process of it. That’s also where we find our greatest inner peace.

My Roots

I can tell my roots are dry,

not currently energized or spry.

Dehydrated from recent adventures.

So many possible potentials.

Standing tall but feeling weak.

My creative branches have started to creak.