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"Bashfulness Cured: Ease and Elegance of Manner Quickly Gained" is a groundbreaking treatise on the social anxieties that plague individuals in polite society. The anonymous author employs a conversational and engaging literary style, blending practical advice with a self-help ethos characteristic of early 19th-century literature. Set against the backdrop of a rapidly changing social landscape, this work delves into the psychology of shyness, offering insights that remain relevant today. Techniques for fostering confidence and poise are presented in a manner that is both accessible and enlightening, bridging the gap between personal development and social etiquette. The decision to remain anonymous suggests a desire to universalize the experience of bashfulness, allowing readers to focus on their struggles without the weight of an author's identity. Little is known about the author, but the work reflects a keen understanding of human psychology during a period marked by strict social customs and emerging psychological discourse. This anonymity may also reflect common societal pressures regarding vulnerability and self-expression. This book is highly recommended for anyone grappling with social anxiety or seeking to enhance their interpersonal skills. "Bashfulness Cured" not only provides practical techniques but also fosters a deeper understanding of the nature of human interaction, making it an essential read for students of psychology, personal development enthusiasts, and anyone eager to navigate the complexities of social life with elegance.
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Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022
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Bashfulness Cured: Ease and Elegance of Manner Quickly Gained
Table of Contents
Bashfulness—Diffidence.
Definition.
We do not see why Sidney should have termed diffidence “rustic shame.” Very many nice and proper persons who live in rural parts, and who are exceedingly bashful, are far from being shame-faced. “Excessive or extreme modesty,” Webster defines bashfulness, and this is the better definition, though not literally correct, as many who are rough, impudent and vulgar in the privacy of their own homes, are wretchedly bashful when in company of strangers, or those whom they consider their superiors.
No emotion is more painful than bashfulness. Without feeling guilty, its subject feels crushed. Says one, “I am troubled with a painful sense of timidity and bashfulness in the presence of company on being spoken to, especially at the table; and no matter whether the person be my equal or my inferior, I blush from the cravat to the hair, and the very consciousness that I am blushing, and that my embarrassment is discovered, tends to deepen the blush and heighten the embarrassment. Now, I have a good personal appearance; I have a good education; I occupy a good position in society; I have been trusted by my friends with official position, and feel myself competent to fill it, and when I sit down to meditate I feel no cause for embarrassment or bashfulness; I can converse for hours with persons of culture and superior ability, and feel no cause of shame at the part I am enabled to act; still, if then spoken to suddenly or abruptly, this terrible diffidence comes upon me like a spell, and makes me stammer; my head seems splitting with excitement; my face turns red; my heart palpitates, and I am no longer, for the moment, myself. Now all this is very distressing.” Yes, this is distressing, as very many can testify from disagreeable experience.
There are many influences that may directly and indirectly be mentioned as being the
Causes of Bashfulness.
Among them is a certain peculiarity of constitution known as “natural diffidence;” then, bashfulness from ignorance of the ways of society; lack of education; ill-dress; ill-health; nervousness.
Natural Diffidence.
Many persons are constitutionally timid and diffident. They were bashful in childhood, bashful at school, bashful in society, always bashful. In business they are not generally your pushing, go-ahead operators. They shrink from contact with the bustling crowds. They prefer, and will usually be found doing quiet brain work in dim back offices.
Bashful young ladies, to the rightly constituted masculine mind, are rather attractive than otherwise. The timid, retiring manner; the modest, downcast look; the soft blushes—all are particularly engaging, especially to those who have been long in society, and accustomed to the cool self-possession and calm assurance of fashionable ladies.
The genuine diffident girl is not the product of cities. She is not found in the crash of town life, but in the seclusion of quiet country towns.
There is no class of girls in the world so easy to get along with after they get acquainted with you, as bashful ones. And the courting them is an easy and delightful affair; they are so loving and confiding; no reserve, no distrust, no coquetting; but frank, open-hearted and generous. Even if you are unsuccessful in your suit they never mortify you in their refusal. It is generally given in so frank and candid a manner as to command your admiration.
Natural Diffidence is the result, as already stated, of certain peculiarities of constitution. There is a want of confidence in one’s self—a shrinking dread of intercourse with strangers, especially those of the opposite sex, and he, or she, can give no reason for this diffident feeling. He may be well educated; of attractive personal appearance, of good conversational abilities, and well dressed, yet from that strange feeling of natural bashfulness, so well known, yet difficult to describe, he is a timid, shrinking creature, subject to trials of which a self-reliant man has no conception. He blushes and becomes confused if suddenly addressed. His heart beats painfully at the idea of entering a well-lighted room filled with ladies and gentlemen. And this feeling is the result, in a great measure, of his small self-esteem. Your truly diffident person is of extremely sensitive, retiring disposition, and while he is apt to accord to others superiorities they do not possess, he entertains for his own abilities, personal and mental qualities, the most humble opinion. And thus he does himself great injustice and injury. He does not attain that position in society nor that success in professional or business life that he would were he not shackled by his foolish timidity—his deference to others.
A bold, self-confident man, with a mere fraction of a bashful man’s ability and attainments, will invariably distance him in the affairs of life. “Brass” always tells. The world don’t stop to analyze a man for his real merit. It takes him at his own valuation, and if a man puts a low estimate upon himself and goes through life with a hanging head and blushing face, he has small success, and less pity. The good things of this world—the successes in love, in business, in politics, &c., are invariably won by those who have a good opinion of themselves; who have faith in their special talents and abilities, and who push ahead in accordance with this faith.
There never was a truer saying than that faint heart never won fair lady. While women have a genuine admiration for the truly modest and pure-minded men, they have a genuine contempt for your chicken-hearted, bashful, tongue-tied fellows.
