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- Herausgeber: BroadStreet Publishing Group, LLC
- Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
- Sprache: Englisch
- Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2020
Learn how to love like you've been loved. Called 2 Love: A 40-day Journey into Marriage Intimacy shows you how to love like you've been loved. You can experience deepened closeness, freedom to share all of yourself, healing for disappointments and hurts, skills to pass on a legacy of love, and clarity on how God can involve you and your marriage in Kingdom plans. Join authors David and Teresa Ferguson and Steve and Barbara Uhlmann as they share the ups and downs of their relationships and 100+ years of marriage wisdom through the power of story. Using vulnerability, encounters with Jesus, and Scripture reflection, you will learn how to write your own marriage story as well as develop adequacy in sharing the gospel with others. This book is an excellent resource for: • a personal marriage devotional • a 6-week study for small groups or classes • a workshop for marriage enrichment • a mentoring program for other couples Experience God's love for you and live out that love with your spouse.
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BroadStreet Publishing® Group, LLC
Savage, Minnesota, USA
BroadStreetPublishing.com
Called 2 Love: A 40-Day Journey into Marriage Intimacy
Copyright © 2020 by Intimate Life Ministries, Steve and Barbara Uhlmann
978-1-4245-5792-9 (softcover)
978-1-4245-5793-6 (e-book)
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without permission in writing from the publisher.
Unless indicated otherwise, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, a Division of Tyndale House Ministries, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version® NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. www.Lockman.org. Scripture quotations marked TPT are taken from The Passion Translation®. Copyright © 2017, 2018 by Passion & Fire Ministries, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. ThePassionTranslation.com. Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked ESV are taken from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked MSG are taken from THE MESSAGE, copyright © 1993, 2002, 2018 by Eugene H. Peterson. Used by permission of NavPress. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, a Division of Tyndale House Ministries. Scripture quotations marked NLV are taken from the New Life Version, Copyright © 1969 and 2003. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc., Ulrichsville, Ohio 44683. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible, copyright © 1971. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, a Division of Tyndale House Ministries, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked NCV are taken from the New Century Version®. Copyright © 2005 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Stock or custom editions of BroadStreet Publishing titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, ministry, fundraising, or sales promotional use. For information, please email [email protected].
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Printed in the United States of America
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Contents
Preface
Introduction
Day 1 Wake-Up Calls
Day 2 Clueless!
Day 3 The Issue Is Not the Only Issue!
Day 4 Who Really Likes Change?
Day 5 Married but Still Alone
Day 6 How Are You Doing, Adam?
Day 7 Sharing Your Week 1 Journey
Day 8 Priorities
Day 9 Know Me . . . and Still Love Me
Day 10 Life Happens
Day 11 You Are Loved!
Day 12 Unlocking the Mystery of Relational Needs
Day 13 Experience Our Need-Meeting God
Day 14 Sharing Your Week 2 Journey
Day 15 The Mystery of Connection
Day 16 Manage Your Emotions or They Will Manage You!
Day 17 Created with Emotions
Day 18 Pour Out Your Heart
Day 19 What Needs to Be Healed?
Day 20 Jesus Comes to Find Us!
Day 21 Sharing Your Week 3 Journey
Day 22 The Journey from Head to Heart
Day 23 What’s Filling Your Heart?
Day 24 The Blind Leading the Blind
Day 25 The Ways of the Foolish
Day 26 Life as a Prodigal
Day 27 Lessons from the Compassionate Father
Day 28 Sharing Your Week 4 Journey
Day 29 Who Will Deliver Me?
Day 30 God Knows How!
Day 31 Attentive, Intentional, and Need-Focused
Day 32 When God Shows Up, Good Things Happen!
Day 33 Celebrate Deepened Marriage Intimacy
Day 34 Freedom from Condemnation
Day 35 Concentric Circles of Great Commission Living
Day 36 Marriage: The Ideal Church
Day 37 A Relational Model of Discipleship
Day 38 Is There a Disconnect?
Day 39 Where Are You Going?
Day 40 Called 2 Love Like Jesus
Appendix 1 Relational Needs Assessment Tool
Appendix 2 About the Great Commandment Network
Appendix 3 A Spirit-Empowered Faith
Appendix 4 A Spirit-Empowered Disciple Loves the Lord Through
About the Authors
Preface
Thousands upon thousands of books have been written about marriage. Hundreds upon hundreds of marriage retreats and seminars are offered every year. Teaching and instructions on how to have a better marriage are clearly in demand. But what are couples really desiring? What are they looking for in marriage books or retreats? What does a better marriage look like?
Most couples we know say they long for a more enriched relationship, a greater understanding of each other, better communication, a way to work more effectively through conflict, a more exciting and fulfilled sex life, a deeper emotional connection . . . the list goes on. Most marriage books and retreats attempt to offer these things, and many of us get help with our relationship for a season. But in a short time, so many of us are pretty much back to where we were before we started. What’s the problem? Why is it so difficult to make positive lasting adjustments in our marriages?
Because change is hard. To make positive marital adjustments work and take hold requires a life change. And changed behavior doesn’t come easily. We may even want to change for the good, but creating new pathways toward significant change really requires something significant of us. We need sufficient internal dissatisfaction (a sense we need a change), adequate external pressure (a reinforcement from others to change), and a positive model and blueprint for change (clearly seeing and understanding what change looks like and what is required of us). When we have those three things, along with a true willingness to change, a rewarding and lasting transformation can take place. That is what happened in our marriages.
When I (David Ferguson) learned of Steve and Barbara Uhlmann’s fascinating journey toward marital intimacy, it immediately struck me that they serve as an ideal model for transformational change. They were both “stuck” in a marital existence. At first, they didn’t know how to change. But they eventually locked onto a life-change process that radically transformed their mere existence into an ongoing relational intimacy with each other.
And when I (Steve Uhlmann) learned of David and Teresa Ferguson’s tried and proven blueprint for marital transformation, it struck me that they can provide couples the guidance toward the relational intimacy we all want and seek. Combining our forces has resulted in a step-by-step process of how you can respond to God’s call to love your spouse as Jesus loves.
This is unlike any marriage book you have ever read. Mainly because it does more than give you words to read. This book offers specific biblical truths for you to experience which will change the way you think and act toward your spouse. Included in each chapter—following a series of daily devotionals—are experientials for you to engage in. These experientials will guide you to explore your own personal story, your marriage story, and Jesus’ story—the One who has the power to bring change to your life. Don’t skip over these exercises. They are what will bring about lasting change.
So don’t think of this as a mere book. See it as your personal guided journey into marital intimacy. Along the way, you will discover that your relationship with your spouse is being positively changed—a change that can last a lifetime. It has for us, and it can for you. Let the journey begin.
David Ferguson
Steve Uhlmann
Introduction
WHY A 40-DAY JOURNEY?
Implementing any new discipline, creating a new habit, or learning a new skill requires practice. Called 2 Love: A 40-Day Journey into Marriage Intimacy is designed to guide you in the skills, habits, and experiences that cultivate lasting change—changes for more intimacy in your marriage!
The daily devotions will inspire you. The personal journal moments will encourage you to reflect on your personal story so you are ready to practice relational skills with your spouse. The “Marriage Staff Meetings” will guide your conversation with your partner and provide self-guided practice for true intimacy as you continue to build out your marriage story.
WHY DEVELOP YOUR OWN MARRIAGE STORY?
The personal and marriage journal moments are intended to support you as you develop your own marriage story. As you write your personal reflections, journal about the gratitude for your marriage, and chronicle the change God brings to your relationship, you will end up with a lasting record of the benefits of the Lord (Psalm 103:2). These remembrances will provide reassurance and hope when life brings challenges in the future. Clarifying your marriage story will also equip you to share it with others. You’ll be prepared to share your story of hope as you share your hope in Jesus.
WHY ARE THERE MOMENTS WITH JESUS? I THOUGHT THIS WAS A MARRIAGE BOOK
In this Called 2 Love resource, you will also practice moments of intimacy with Jesus. Intentional moments of time with him will increase your closeness with the One who is love. It will be these times of first experiencing God’s love for you that will empower you to love your partner. It’s only because of his love for us that we have hope of sharing that love with others. Jesus said it plainly: “You are to love each other. You must love each other as I have loved you” (John 13:34 NLV).
HOW TO USE THIS RESOURCE
Called 2 Love: A 40-Day Journey into Marriage Intimacy can be used in a variety of ways:
•Devotional guide for couples: This do-it-yourself guide can lead you and your spouse into greater closeness. Do the recommended exercises for maximum growth and intimacy!
•Small group resource: This journey into marriage intimacy can also be used in a 6-week format with a small group. When three to four couples share their experiences together, God has an amazing way of deepening impact.
•Guide for marriage mentors and permarital counseling: Marriage mentors will find this resource ideal for engaging couples who are struggling or just getting started in their marriage journey.
Called 2 Love: A 40-Day Journey into Marriage Intimacy is unique. It’s unlike most marriage books because this resource is designed to give you regular doses of God’s love for you and then encourages you to share that same love with your partner. You’ll not only learn what an intimate marriage looks like, but you’ll also learn the skills for how to make intimacy happen.
Each of the six weeks is structured the same.
•Days 1–4: Personal, daily devotionals with a story, short prayer, and reflections.
•Day 5: Journal about your personal story and reflect on your marriage story so the call to love becomes more personal.
•Day 6: Experience moments with Jesus through guided devotionals, and encounter his incredible love for you.
•Day 7: “Marriage Staff Meeting.” Prepare your responses ahead of time and set aside one to two hours for deep and meaningful conversations with your spouse or small group.
GROW CLOSER TO YOUR SPOUSE, GROW IN YOUR FAITH
Called 2 Love: A 40-Day Journey into Marriage Intimacy is not only designed to guide you into more closeness with your spouse, it is also designed to foster a Spirit-empowered faith—a faith that is demonstrable, observable, and only possible with the empowerment of the Holy Spirit.
A framework for this kind of spiritual growth has been drawn from a cluster analysis of several Greek and Hebrew words that declare that Christ’s followers are to be equipped for works of ministry or service (See Ephesians 4:12).
Therefore, in this book you’ll find specific notations around four themes (see Appendices 2–4) that help you become a Spirit-empowered disciple.
A SPIRIT-EMPOWERED DISCIPLE:
•Loves the Lord
You will find specific exercises marked L1-10. These moments are specific times of expressing your love for Jesus.
•Lives the Word
You will find certain exercises marked W1-10. These moments are designed to equip you in how to live out specific Scriptures from God’s Word.
•Loves People
You will find exercises marked P1-10. These moments help you discern the relational needs of others and sharing God’s love in meaningful ways.
•Lives His Mission
Finally, you will find specific exercises marked M1-10. These exercises are a part of actively sharing Jesus’ life and telling others about the Jesus who lives inside of us.
Each Spirit-empowered outcome will be noted with the following symbol:
All forty Spirit-empowered Faith Outcomes are in Appendix 4 and are listed for your review.
Our world needs couples living as Spirit-empowered disciples who are making disciples who, in turn, make disciples. Thus, Called 2 Love: A 40-Day Journey into Marriage Intimacy rightly focuses on the powerful simplicity of:
•Receiving God’s love for us and then loving him as our first priority.
•Living his Word, because there’s power and possibility in experiencing Scripture.
•Loving people by developing a lifestyle of giving first, to your spouse and to others around you.
•Living his mission, which means building a lasting legacy as you share Jesus’ hope with others.
DAY 1
Wake-Up Calls
For you have given him his heart’s desire.
PSALM 21:2
God was thrilled for you on your wedding day. He loved seeing you celebrate with family and friends, and he loved being able to give you what your heart most desired—an intimate relationship with the man or woman of your dreams!
If you’ve been married any length of time, you’ve also experienced a few wake-up calls in your relationship. You have been reminded of the need to reprioritize and refocus on your marriage.
Your wake-up call may have included emotions that have grown cold or the realization of a growing distance between you and your spouse. Your wake-up call might have also included extreme conflict in your relationship, or perhaps you’ve found yourself or your spouse preoccupied with distractions outside your marriage. It is even possible one or both of you have threatened to leave the relationship.
When these wake-up calls happen, it is important for both husband and wife to learn what the other person actually needs.
The following story from the Ferguson’s marriage helps illustrate what a wake-up call might sound like. As you read, see if you can identify with the challenges of keeping your own marriage a priority in the face of a busy life and competing priorities.
My Wake-Up Call
It had been another stressful yet fulfilling day of juggling a secular job and a demanding ministry to students. My (David) schedule had been packed with typical activities: an early morning discipleship group, a number of appointments at the office, lunch with a church elder, several phone calls from students, and another round of tinkering with a faulty computer program. I left a pile of work on my desk just in time to run home for a quick dinner. After dinner, I hurried off to the church for a counseling appointment and a committee meeting that lasted until ten.
By the time I got home that night, Teresa was in bed but still awake. I slipped into bed beside her and turned out the light. We talked in generalities about the day. I described my accomplishments, and she related how the kids had behaved—and misbehaved—at home.
At this point in our marriage, our conversations were rather superficial, as was the rest of our relationship. I was so busy with my job and leading a growing ministry, and she was so busy running the home that we rarely connected deeply with each other. We were not enemies, yet our marriage had a distance that was unsettling to me.
Staring up at the ceiling in the darkness, I addressed the issue. “Teresa, I sense a dryness between us, like we live on opposite sides of a big desert. We are so involved in our own separate worlds of activity that we hardly notice each other. Is this the way it’s always going to be with us?”
There was silence on Teresa’s side of the bed, followed by a deep sigh. “I don’t know, David.”
Finally I found the courage to ask the question that had been haunting me for months. “Teresa, do you really love me?”
Silence again. When Teresa finally answered, I was not prepared for the directness of her response. “David, I don’t feel anything for you. I’m just numb.”
That sobering exchange in our bedroom took place more than forty years ago. It was the beginning of an intense, sometimes painful, but ultimately fulfilling marital journey.
What was missing in our marriage was an ever deepening intimacy and it had something to do with what we genuinely needed from one another.
PRAYER AND REFLECTION
“Speak Lord, your servant is listening”
1 SAMUEL 3:9
As you remember the various wake-up calls along your marriage journey, what is it that your partner, at the time, might have needed from you?
Say a prayer to the Lord. Tell him about your wake-up calls and how you want to learn. Write down what you hear as you listen to Jesus.
Lord, as I think back over our marriage, I realize my spouse has needed more __________ from me.
Help me to know and learn more about what my partner truly needs because …
Claim the promise of John 13:34 — “Love each other. Just as I have loved you.”
DAY 2
Clueless!
Anyone who claims to know all the answers doesn’t really know very much.
1 CORINTHIANS 8:2
If we’re really honest, at times, we are clueless about how to experience a truly intimate marriage. There are times when our spouse is a complete mystery to us.
Our only hope of loving our partner well is to acknowledge that what we claim to know is not sufficient! We need the Author of marriage to join us in this journey of marriage intimacy. We genuinely need the God, who is love, to show us and equip us in how to love our partner well.
Consider the following story from the Ferguson’s journey. It reveals how the Lord is longing to join you in loving your spouse well.
Joining Jesus In Loving Well
Several years after Teresa’s shocking disclosure that she felt emotionally numb in our relationship, a small but significant incident confirmed that something good was happening in our marriage. The distance between us was being gradually replaced by the oneness and intimacy we both craved.
Every year, Teresa and I try to get away just to focus on us. For many years, one of our favorite spots was a quiet, comfortable cabin in the Smoky Mountains. It became our own personal retreat, where the two of us could relax alone or with a few friends. One year, just before leaving home for the airport and our pilgrimage to Tennessee, I passed by the kitchen and sensed God prompting this new thought: Why don’t you take a few packets of Sweet ’N Low with you for Teresa? Over the years of our marriage I had learned that Teresa prefers Sweet ’N Low over other sweeteners in her coffee, but the lodge where we usually stayed didn’t serve that brand. So I reached into the kitchen cabinet for a handful of pink packets and slipped them into my briefcase.
We arrived at the cabin just in time for dinner. As dessert and coffee were served, Teresa began searching the table for the Sweet ’N Low, disappointed again that it wasn’t there. But I had come to the table prepared. As I pulled a small, pink packet out of my pocket and handed it to her, the disappointment on Teresa’s face was washed away by an endearing smile. Tears filled her eyes, and she hugged me. I relished the pleasure I was able to bring to my wife with such a simple act. I also sensed God’s pleasure at what had happened. He seemed to say, “We did well together, David! I needed you to bring the packets up the mountain and share them with Teresa, but you needed me to prompt you to bring them!”
I am convinced I never would have thought to bring the Sweet ’N Low on my own. God was thinking of Teresa that day, and he wanted to involve me in the ministry of caring for my wife in this special way.
PRAYER AND REFLECTION
Share your heart with the Author of marriage. Tell him the things you’ve come to know and what you need to know.
God, I’m grateful that I have come to know how important it is to my spouse that I _____________________________________, but there are times when I need you to show me______________________________________.
Now would be a good time to pray a prayer like this:
Lord, I need you to empower my love for my spouse. Please give me your wisdom for how to love ___________ well, and I ask for your Spirit’s power to make it possible.
Claim the promise of Romans 5:5 — “[I have] this hope [and it] will not lead to disappointment. For [I] know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.”
DAY 3
The Issue Is Not the Only Issue!
We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose.
ROMANS 8:28
Stuff happens in life. That’s a guarantee. Jesus even told us that we would experience trouble in this life (John 16:33). Life events, whether positive or painful, must always be viewed through the lens of God’s desire to bring forth good. This means we can experience the goodness God wants for us and deepened intimacy with our partner, no matter what the challenge.
Experiencing difficult moments with your spouse, can actually draw you closer together. As your inadequacies are exposed and God’s love is shared, sweetness of intimacy is the result. Trying to fix a problem you’re facing together is not nearly as important as coming to know what your partner really needs. This was certainly the story for Steve and Barbara Uhlmann.
As you read the Uhlmman’s story, see how fears, anxieties, and inadequacies were exposed and how that set the stage for exploring what their marriage really needed.
Needs Revealed
“This is Barbara,” I gasped. “Come get me. I’m in real trouble.”
My hands were trembling so much I could barely get my cellphone back into my purse. I was just a short distance from home, and I knew my husband Steve would come quickly.
It had been a beautiful day. Coming off an extended vacation, I was casually strolling through the grocery store picking up needed goods. Then in aisle nine without warning I started sweating. It wasn’t just the perspiration of a summer day in Arizona, but the drenching sweat of a body in distress. In seconds, my clothes were soaked.
I started shaking violently and couldn’t stop. My body kept trembling and sweating until I was exhausted.
• • •
When I (Steve) got Barbara’s call, I freaked out. I had never heard her like that before.
As I ran into the store, I saw Barbara sitting on a couch just inside the entrance, violently shaking and soaked, as though somebody had dumped a bucket of water on her. Something was seriously wrong.
Fortunately, the hospital was close. I made the five-minute drive in two minutes and pulled up to the emergency room entrance. In no time, Barbara was whisked away to have tests run, and I collapsed into a chair filled with worry about my wife’s health.
There is no better definition of frustration for someone with my temperament than being forced to sit in the midst of a crisis where I couldn’t do anything to fix the problem. In my business career, I prided myself in analyzing problems and coming up with fixes. But in Barbara’s case, I didn’t even know what the problem was. Could Barbara be having a heart attack? A stroke? Did she have an aneurysm? I had no idea. With nothing to do but sit and wait, I imagined the worst. My sense of powerlessness grew with each passing moment.
After two or three hours of tests, examinations, and my deep concern that I could lose Barbara, the doctor finally appeared. I braced myself for the worst.
“We think your wife has suffered a panic attack.”
“What’s a panic attack?” I asked, relieved it wasn’t a heart attack, but still puzzled.
“A panic attack is a sudden episode of intense fear that triggers severe physical reactions, even though there is no real danger,” the doctor said.
That didn’t really help. “What causes that?” I wondered. Something must have triggered it. I could not wrap my mind around something so real being triggered by a lack of real danger. How could the frozen food section of the grocery store bring on such uncontrollable symptoms? What did Barbara have to be afraid of?
• • •
None of it made sense to me (Barbara) either. If anything, I should have been more relaxed and happier than ever. After all, we had just come back from the best vacation of our lives.
Ultimately, I was diagnosed with adrenal stress disorder, chronic fatigue syndrome, and PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder). Even with the more specific diagnosis, I still couldn’t understand how that could be. I had never been in the military. What kind of traumatic stress could I be reacting to? Where was all this coming from and what could I do about it? What were Steve and I needing to learn? How in the world were we going to get through this together?
PRAYER AND REFLECTION
Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things he does for me.
PSALM 103:2
Reflect on some of your life’s challenges and how they ultimately brought positive impact to your marriage. Perhaps, you’ve experienced a financial or health challenge, a difficult pregnancy, or death of a loved one. You could have gone through a career setback, a child’s trauma, or a shattered dream, but through it all you were drawn closer together. Now share your grateful heart with Jesus, the Author of marriage.
Jesus, as I recall us going through the challenge of ______________________, I celebrate the good things you did for us. Our marriage grew stronger because we …
Ask the Lord to give you wisdom and deepened love as you walk through future challenges.
Jesus, no matter what challenges we may face, teach me how to love ________________ well. I know I will especially need your help and wisdom in …
Claim the promise of James 1:5 — “If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you.”
DAY 4
Who Really Likes Change?
But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!
GALATIANS 5:22–23
It has been said that the only person who really likes change is a baby with a wet diaper! That’s a light-hearted way to introduce a serious topic. Truthfully, ever-deepening intimacy in your marriage will require change.
Because we are human, we simply don’t love well. We need the perfecting work of the Holy Spirit for us to live and love like Jesus. Only he can produce things like love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and goodness in relationships. In other words, some of the change that might be needed in your marriage, could be needed in you!
Read on to see how the Uhlmanns experienced this perfecting change.
Perfecting Change
I (Steve) didn’t know what to think. There is no question Barbara’s health issue got my attention. That attention meant a lot to Barbara, but I have to admit the whole thing frustrated me because I didn’t know how to fix it. Back then, I saw everything in simple, mechanistic terms. Find the cause of the problem, fix it, and move on. Because I couldn’t fix this problem, I didn’t know what else to feel.
I had a wife who was being plagued with panic attacks, for God only knows why. How was I to respond to all this? I was looking for a plan, some specific course of action that could help me get through this situation. I did love Barbara, and she loved me. I just wanted to move on with life.
At first glance, our marriage together looked great. We had everything we needed physically. We lived in a lovely home. We weren’t struggling financially. By all appearances, we had a great life together. Our spiritual needs were certainly being met. We both knew Jesus personally and had chosen, many years back, to follow him. We said we loved each other on a regular basis, but something was still missing relationally. We learned that the key to finding this missing piece was somehow related to deeper needs—needs we didn’t even realize we had.
That put us on a journey of relational discovery. I (Steve) discovered that the more patience and kindness I expressed towards Barbara didn’t “fix” her health issues, but we grew closer! Slowly, we began to unlock who we were and how God designed us to experience an ever-deepening love that resulted in an ever-growing emotional connection with one another. Through the changes God brought about in both of us, we discovered a depth of relational intimacy that we never thought possible.
PRAYER AND REFLECTION
That is what this forty-day journey into marriage intimacy is about. You may have a wonderful marriage right now, or you may wish things were better between you and your spouse. Either way, you and I were called to love with an ever-increasing love. We invite you on this Called 2 Love journey so you can enjoy the immersive experience of relational intimacy with your partner. For that to happen consistently, some things may have to change. Consider some of those changes now.
But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!
GALATIANS 5:22–23
Consider the various facets of love from Galatians 5:22–23 and ask the Lord for a fresh, deepened ability to express his love to your spouse.
Lord, as you perfect and complete your love in me, I want to demonstrate more love in my marriage. I specifically want to show my spouse more ____________________ (joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control) because . . .
Jesus, change me, so that we can experience more of the deeply intimate marriage you intend for us.
Claim the promise of 1 John 5:14–15 – “[I am] confident that He hears [me] whenever [I] ask for anything that pleases Him. And since [I] know He hears [me] when [I] make requests, [I] also know that He will give [me] what [I] ask for.”
DAY 5
Married but Still Alone
I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done.
PSALM 9:1
Making It Personal
The fifth day of each week is designed for you to pause, reflect, and journal about your personal journey in God’s call to love. You’ll reflect on how that calling is lived out in your personal life and in your marriage. Day Five will be a time to reflect and write about your personal story and build your marriage story. Let’s begin to make it personal now.
Like the Uhlmanns and the Fergusons, couples can live together, even enjoy an intimate sexual relationship, yet still struggle to feel closeness emotionally and rela-tionally. Deepened relational connections don’t happen overnight. They require a continuing journey.
Take a moment and remember some of your favorite wedding memories. Recall your wedding day, the photos, the guests, the vows, and the reception. Now remember some of the highlights of your honeymoon, the romance, the adventure, and the thrill of a new life together. Those newlywed years may have been just a short time ago or they may feel like an ancient memory. Whether you have shared months or many years with your spouse, consider this:
•You can share a wedding and a honeymoon together and still feel alone.
•You can share the same address, the same dinner table, and even the same bed and still feel disconnected.
•
