Celebrate Your Marriage E-Book

Jay Laffoon

• Herausgeber: BroadStreet Publishing Group, LLC
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch

Seitenzahl: 414

Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2019

Beschreibung

Whether it's been twenty years or twenty minutes, your marriage needs encouragement. This daily devotional for married couples was designed with busy spouses in mind. Each reading is short enough to enjoy together over your first cup of coffee or right before bed. Devotions include - inspiring Scripture, - practical tips for fostering meaningful connection, - thought-provoking questions, - simple action steps, and - encouraging prayers. Stay happily married for life with Celebrate Your Marriage—the perfect gift for newlyweds and seasoned couples alike.

Leseprobe

Jay and Laura have the unique ability to blend laughter and learning in a most effective manner. They will help enrich your marriage and the relationships of couples in your church!

—DR. GARY CHAPMAN, author of The 5 Love Languages

For years, Jay and Laura Laffoon have been helping couples ignite the spark at their Celebrate Your Marriage conferences and Ultimate Date Nights. You don’t want to miss out on this winning combination of humor and biblical truth!

—DR. KEVIN LEMAN, author, speaker

Jay and Laura Laffoon live out the give and take of marriage and have fun doing it. The spark of love burns bright in their lives. Let Celebrate Your Marriage help you and your spouse do the same.

—KEN DAVIS, author, speaker, comedian

Jay and Laura are the stimulus package for realistic communication between a husband and wife!

—DR. DENNIS SWANBERG, “The Minister of Encouragement”

The Laffoons are the real deal. I have met them, their kids, and some of their parents, and seen hundreds of folks in a weekend changed for the better by their ministry. In Celebrate Your Marriage, Jay and Laura capture how to spark great things in your relationship. If you’re ready to gain some serious warmth and light in your home, read this book. It will spark as much closeness and caring for you as it did for my wife, Cindy, and me.

—DR. JOHN TRENT, Strong Families

Jay and Laura Laffoon ignite sparks of inspiration on and off the platform. They are extraordinary communicators who are hilariously funny, gut-level honest, and right on target with practical wisdom that helps all of us to make marriage a celebration every day.

—CAROL KENT, speaker and author

Charmingly funny and inspirational. Jay and Laura provide information that can turn good marriages into better ones and bad marriages into successful ones.

—MITCH TEMPLE, author of The Marriage Turnaround

Jay and Laura’s combination of humor, authenticity, and solid teaching capture the attention of newlyweds and seasoned couples alike. What an amazing blessing!

—DR. KERRY B. ROBINSON, senior pastor of East Side Church of God, Anderson, IN

BroadStreet Publishing® Group, LLC

Savage, Minnesota, USA

BroadStreetPublishing.com

Celebrate Your Marriage: 365 Daily Devotions for Busy Couples

Copyright © 2019 by Jay Laffoon and Laura Laffoon

978-1-4245-5948-0 (faux leather)

978-1-4245-5949-7 (e-book)

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Unless indicated otherwise, all Scripture quotations are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188, USA. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked ESV are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright © 2000; 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked NLV are taken from the New Life Version, copyright © 1969 by Christian Literature International. Scripture marked KJV is taken from the King James Version of the Bible. Scripture quotations marked TLB are taken from The Living Bible copyright © 1971 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible, © Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Scripture quotations marked NRSV are taken from New Revised Standard Version Bible, copyright © 1989 the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Stock or custom editions of BroadStreet Publishing titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, ministry, fundraising, or sales promotional use. For information, please email [email protected].

Literary representation: Jeff Roberts and Kenny Roberts of the Jeff Roberts Agency

Cover and interior by Garborg Design at GarborgDesign.com

Printed in China

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A Look Ahead

Look up the word encourage in a dictionary, and you will find its definition is “to inspire … to stimulate … to promote.”1 That is precisely what this book intends to do. We want to inspire, stimulate, and promote health in your marriage.

Not all marriages need counseling, but every marriage needs encouragement. Our hope is that as you and your spouse read these daily thoughts, they will help you “keep on keeping on” in your marriage.

We’ve intentionally kept these readings short, so you can read them together over that first cup of coffee or before you head to bed. Each day includes Scripture and a question or prayer for reflection to help you engage with the message and apply it to your lives.

It is our prayer that this book helps you and your spouse grow closer to each other in your marriage and in your relationship with Christ.

Encouraging you to celebrate your marriage,

Jay and Laura Laffoon

January

JANUARY 1

Family Purpose

We are what he has made us, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand to be our way of life.

EPHESIANS 2:10 NRSV

If you aim at nothing, you’ll most certainly hit it.

Living with a purpose is the best way to actualize God’s greatest plan for your life and your marriage. What’s the best way to make sure that you and your spouse are taking decisive steps forward together? We believe it’s with a family mission statement. Ours is:

To encourage others to become like Christ through loving relationships, healthy lifestyles, and stimulating experiences.

Take the time to distill into a brief statement the passions of you and your spouse and the successes you’d like to experience in the upcoming year. Then, any time you are struggling to make a decision as a couple, you can evaluate what options line up with your mission statement. Best of all, next year, you can sit down to write a new statement and see how far you’ve come.

Take some time over the next three days to draft a family mission statement that will guide you for the rest of the year.

REFLECTION

What kind of family has Christ created you to be? What goodness can you bring to the world through the combination of gifts that God has given your family? Let these answers guide you as you develop your family mission statement.

JANUARY 2

Mission Statement

Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love.

1 CORINTHIANS 13:13 NLT

If someone asked what matters most to you and your family, what would you say?

When it comes to keeping your family on a mission, discovering your core values together is the first step toward creating a mission statement that will make your lives together count.

Trust us, this first step is relatively painless. All you need is a manila envelope or a folder and some slips of paper. For the next month, ask family members to write down one core value a day and drop them into the envelope. Soon, you’ll discover the ideas, people, activities, beliefs, or things that matter most to all of you, like living in a small town or regularly spending “fun” time together. Who knows, you may even discover a new way to minister together.

Then, choose a day when you have time to gather as a family and empty out your envelopes. Categorize the results, discuss the values, and sift through all the things your family holds dear until one value rises to the top. This is your family’s core value.

Finally, write a simple mission statement that will make your days together fruitful and rewarding.

REFLECTION

God, help us to develop a sense of mission by putting love first and understanding what matters most.

JANUARY 3

Core Values

This is the day that the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

PSALM 118:24 ESV

What’s one way to create celebration, direction, and joy in your family? Identify and encourage your family’s core value.

Yesterday, we encouraged you and everyone in your family to write values on slips of paper for a month to identify your family’s core value2, the unique, beautiful thing that makes the world go around for everyone. Once you’ve done that, set aside time to have conversations and engage in prayers around your core value and any other values that are important to your family.

If you’re like us, these exercises and discussions may take time, but they’re worth it because you’re identifying that one thing you will intentionally build your lives around. When you find your “one thing,” celebrate! You’re on your way to becoming a family on a mission!

REFLECTION

Give yourselves time to process the narrowing down of your values. Enjoy the sense of hope as you sift through the many things that you have decided you care deeply about. Sometimes, the process can be as equally enjoyable as the end result!

JANUARY 4

A Clear Statement

He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

MICAH 6:8 NIV

I (Laura) never cared for math formulas. All you need to do is ask my geometry teacher. But when it comes to building a family that’s “on mission,” we’ve found a winning formula that can work for anyone.

To build a Guiding Mission Statement, start simple with the words to and through:TO (insert your family’s central core value) + THROUGH (insert three to five values that support the central one).3

Let’s revisit our family’s example for reference:

Toencourage others to become like Christ through loving relationships, healthy lifestyles, and stimulating experiences.

Without a clear mission, most families feel like they’re stuck on a treadmill that never stops. Once you put a mission in place to guide everyone, you’ll find permission to step off the treadmill and say no to the things that don’t further your mission. That’s a formula everyone can live with.

REFLECTION

Thank you, heavenly Father, for the good purpose that we have as a family. Keep these core values and sense of mission close to our hearts as we head into each new day.

JANUARY 5

Choose Joy

A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

PROVERBS 17:22 ESV

Some days are tougher than others, but a joyful heart in all circumstances begets laughter and endorphins. Joy is good for our well-being—emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually.

Marriage is hard work, as is the rest of life. There are going to be births and deaths, promotions and job losses, times of surplus, and times of need. In those times, choose joy.

When my (Jay’s) dad died, we had a young couple ask if they could bring their four children (all under the age of ten) to the funeral. We said, “Of course!” They went on to tell us that they wanted their kids to witness a family who spreads joy even in the midst of loss.

REFLECTION

As you begin the year, remember to keep joy at the forefront of your mind in the daily routines—even on Mondays.

JANUARY 6

Your Word

Encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.

1 THESSALONIANS 5:11 NASB

Our friends Bill and Pam Farrel, authors of Men Are Like Waffles—Women Are Like Spaghetti, encourage couples to find words for each year—one word as individuals and one word as a couple.

Our words were once health for Jay and endurance for Laura. Jay wanted to focus on his health, whether it was exercise or eating right. Laura felt she needed to focus on endurance, as our travel schedule can be quite busy.

If you had to choose a word to assign as your purpose for this year, what would it be? What word encourages you and your spouse?

Write down your word and attach it to your fridge with a magnet, or stick it on your bathroom mirror, or set it as your phone’s wallpaper. Keep it where you’ll see it and be reminded of it every day.

REFLECTION

Ask the Holy Spirit for divine inspiration if you are having trouble coming up with the right words. Be guided by what is encouraging, uplifting, and true.

JANUARY 7

Intentional Communication

Let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another.

ROMANS 14:19 NKJV

I don’t care. As a husband I’ve heard that phrase hundreds of times after asking Laura where she’d like to go for dinner.

I ask, “How about Italian?”

“Nah, not in the mood.”

“Chinese?”

“I’m hungry like an hour later.”

“Seafood?”

“We had that last time.”

“So, where do you want to go?”

“I don’t care,” she says.

When it comes to restaurants, the response “I don’t care” really isn’t a big deal. What scares us to death is the number of couples who seem to say “I don’t care” about their marriages. It’s like they’ve put their marriages on autopilot and are simply coasting along.

Live this year with intention when it comes to your marriage. Intentionally communicate daily. Intentionally date each other—in quality marriages, spouses court each other throughout life. And finally, intentionally celebrate the love God has given you for your spouse. Take the “I don’t care” right out of your marriage this year.

REFLECTION

Take a moment to figure out what language you might use instead of “I don’t care,” so you can better communicate what you really want or need.

JANUARY 8

Have Fun

I commend the enjoyment of life, because there is nothing better for a person under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany them in their toil all the days of the life God has given them under the sun.

ECCLESIASTES 8:15 NIV

What do you think of when you hear the word fun?

For us, it’s a shopping day for Laura and creative time for Jay—golfing for us both. Neither of us likes to clean the house. Fun is something every couple should strive to have in their marriage.

Now, we can hear some of you right now: But, Jay and Laura, we are not fun people. We’re actually pretty boring. You don’t have to think of yourselves as fun in order to create fun. Fun is being in each other’s company and enjoying it. Fun is anticipating your next date together, taking up a hobby together, and watching a silly sitcom and laughing together.

Fun means different things to different people. This year strive to have fun in your marriage!

REFLECTION

What activities and hobbies do you have an interest in pursuing together? Take some time to write down a few things and then make a plan to do them.

JANUARY 9

Get Away

Come away to a deserted place all by yourselves and rest a while.

MARK 6:31 NRSV

Most couples don’t understand the importance of getting away together. Laura and I recommend couples make a plan to get away and get ahead at least two times a year: once a year to “play” together and once a year to “work” (like at a marriage conference) together.

We’ve heard all the excuses: It’s too expensive. What do we do with the kids? We like to do different things. These excuses are easily overcome when you understand the enormous benefits that come from getting away and getting ahead.

The first benefit is rest. Our minds and bodies need rest. They were designed that way. The second is recreation, which refreshes your relationship. The third benefit is rejuvenation. Rejuvenation means to make young again—renew your love. And finally, reconnection, which is remembering why you fell in love in the first place.

Over the next four days, we will delve even deeper into the benefits of getting away and getting ahead.

REFLECTION

When was the last time you really enjoyed being together? What was it about that experience, place, time, or surroundings that made it so enjoyable? Spend some time reminiscing and then plan something that will recreate that enjoyment.

JANUARY 10

Find Rest

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

MATTHEW 11:28 NIV

When Jay was a young boy, his father would sit on the floor outside his bedroom door after Sunday lunch and make him close his eyes until he fell asleep. He was a hyper kid and didn’t like to rest. His dad, however, knew the rest of the family needed a break from him.

Rest always comes with benefits, especially when it comes to getting away and getting ahead. When couples get away, they enjoy rest.

You may be on an action-packed, fun-filled week away, but you’re still getting a “rest” from life and the routine back home. We’ve been on many vacations that left us exhausted by the end of the week, but we still found rest. We let our work minds and our troubles and trials rest.

When you get away and get ahead, you find rest for your soul.

REFLECTION

What things make you feel busy, distracted, or anxious? These are things you need to allow yourself to let go of, if just for a short period of time. Invite Christ into your planning for times of rest and let him guide you to a place of peace.

JANUARY 11

Recreate and Refresh

The Lord made heaven and earth, but on the seventh day he stopped working and was refreshed.

EXODUS 31:17 NLT

Recreation is refreshing to your relationship.

Sometimes, we like to get away for the day. One day, we were running an errand and planned to return home within the hour. Instead, we decided to make a day of it and ended up enjoying a lunch out and some aimless shopping. We were spontaneous.

Other times, we plan a weeklong getaway. Depending on where we go, we may sit on a beach and read for the entire week or visit museums and historical sites. All of this is recreation and good for our marriage. Whether it’s for a day, a weekend, or an entire week, we’ve all experienced the benefit of recreation.

REFLECTION

What getaways can you put on the calendar today in order to refresh your relationship? Recreate and refresh your marriage!

JANUARY 12

Rejuvenate

He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle’s!

PSALM 103:5 NLT

Get away and get ahead to rejuvenate your marriage! According to Dictionary.com, the definition of rejuvenation is “to make young again; restore to youthful vigor.” Who doesn’t want that?

Now think of that definition as it pertains to your marriage. When you get away and get ahead, you make your love young again and restore youthful vigor to it.

We all remember how we felt when we were young and in love. Science tells us that those feelings fade after about eighteen months unless we purposefully act to keep the spark alive. Getting away to someplace romantic—even for just one day—will spark in you and your spouse a new and rejuvenated love for each other that will help your marriage thrive.

So, get away and watch those wrinkles fade as you and your love are made new again!

REFLECTION

Lord, we are so grateful that you have filled our life with good things. Help us find time to get away so we can restore our marriage with a youthful vigor.

JANUARY 13

Time to Reconnect

They are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.

MATTHEW 19:6 NIV

Who are you? Has that thought ever crossed your mind? Maybe you ask it because your spouse did something unbelievable, or you’re asking it because it has been days or weeks since you two have seen each other for a fair amount of time.

The fourth benefit to getting away and getting ahead is reconnection. Whatever stage of life you are in—newlyweds who are just starting out, young parents with kids, parents of preteens and teens, or empty nesters who are stuck with only each other—life has a way of disconnecting us as a married couple. Kids, jobs, and even ministries can pull us in different directions.

We need to find time—a day, an evening, a weekend, or an entire week—to reconnect with our spouse. Disconnect from the daily obligations and reconnect with each other!

REFLECTION

When are you least affected by the obligations of the day? What are some of the nonessentials that are eating away at your time? You can find time for conversation if you are willing to make it a priority.

JANUARY 14

Prioritize Your Spouse

Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. Let the same mind be in you that was in Christ Jesus.

PHILIPPIANS 2:4–5 NRSV

Our culture defines love as an ooey-gooey liver quiver. Dictionaries define it as “a warm, personal attachment.” Jay and I define love in relation to this question: What do I do every day to show my spouse that he or she is my priority?

The reality is that love is not rocket science. Ask yourself: What do I do every day to show my spouse that he or she is my priority? It could be something as simple as grabbing your spouse a cup of coffee while you’re pouring yourself one or checking in to make sure they take their vitamins. Obviously, it doesn’t have to be complicated! But it’s hugely important in a marriage to put your spouse first. It’s a simple concept, but it can be very difficult to do at times.

Love isn’t a feeling. Feelings can come and go. Love is making a commitment—for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part—to make your spouse your priority.

REFLECTION

Lord, thank you that you showed us what selfless love really looks like. We ask you to help us put the other first in our marriage, so that we both know how to be humble and feel valued.

JANUARY 15

All You Need

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

1 PETER 4:8 NIV

I (Jay) know the garden of Eden was perfect, but think about it: Adam knew Eve was all he would ever need or want, and Eve knew the same about Adam.

One of my mom’s favorite sayings is: “There’s no perfection in this life,” and she’s right. Furthermore, there’s no perfection in marriage either.

What we have to learn is that the spouse who God gave us is all we will ever need in our marriage. Satan will try to convince you that there is someone “better” out there, but don’t be fooled, we’re all fallen creatures who have scars and pasts and baggage.

When you grasp the idea that your spouse, given to you by God, is all you will ever need, you start looking at that person in an entirely different light. Look for the good and not the bad, the helpful and not the hurtful, and your marriage will grow stronger.

REFLECTION

In what ways might you be putting unfair expectations on your spouse? Spend some time thanking God for the gift of your marriage and this wonderful person who is not perfect but perfect for you!

JANUARY 16

Fine China

Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.

1 PETER 3:7 NKJV

This is perhaps one of the most controversial passages of Scripture when it comes to marriage, because no woman wants to be considered a “weaker vessel.” However, if we dig deeper into the meaning of the phrase “weaker vessel,” we see it’s a term the ancients used for fine china. It was called the weaker vessel because it was not as clunky as everyday dishes.

Let’s read that verse again but with our new understanding: Husbands, be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as fine china. Now, there is a great example of how to treat our wives. And the result? Our prayers will not be hindered.

REFLECTION

In what way, husband, can you show graciousness toward your wife and understanding of the pressure she faces? In the same way, wives, what can you do to help your husband understand you better?

JANUARY 17

Love Language

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1 CORINTHIANS 13:4–7 NIV

Laura’s love language is quality time. I’ll never forget an experience from early in our marriage when I understood what quality time meant to her. I was playing basketball over my lunch hour at the local community center. My team had just won the first game, and we were taking a water break when Laura walked in and asked, “You wanna go out for lunch?”

I was standing there and dripping sweat with a dumbfounded look on my face. I said, “No, we just won, so I get to play another game.”

Laura turned and walked away, clearly dejected. What I didn’t understand at the time was that she wasn’t interested in lunch as much as she wanted to spend time with me.

I quickly realized what had happened and stopped her before she got out the door. “Wait a minute, honey,” I called after her. “Let me put on my sweats. I’d love to go to lunch!”

So, fellas, surprise your bride and take her to lunch. It’s all about saying “I love you” in a way she’ll understand.

REFLECTION

Do you know your spouse’s love language? What makes your spouse feel most loved and respected by you? It might be time, affection, or gifts. Spend some time figuring it out, and if you already know, spend some time putting it into action.

JANUARY 18

What Not to Do

Never take revenge. Leave that to the righteous anger of God.

ROMANS 12:19 NLT

Dr. Gary Smalley was our guest speaker at “Celebrate Your Marriage,” and he had some great tips for couples when they argue. They are:

1.Don’t escalate the argument. This seems simple enough, but we all do it. So next time you start to argue, step back, take a deep breath, and count to ten.

2.Don’t withdraw from the argument. Disagreeing means you actually care. Often, withdrawing from an argument doesn’t make the problem go away.

3.Don’t belittle your spouse. Name-calling is a verbal hand grenade for your marriage. Words like, “You’re so stubborn,” or “You’re such a brat,” can never solve an argument.

4.Don’t project on your spouse something they are not. If your husband isn’t ready to buy a new couch, don’t call him cheap. If your wife wants a new dress, don’t call her a diva.

We wrote these down because they helped us, and, hopefully, they’ll help you too!

REFLECTION

When you read this list of what not to do in an argument, which habit can you identify as the one that needs the most work? Spend some time talking about it graciously and have a strategy in place before that next argument!

JANUARY 19

Social Intimacy

Some friends play at friendship but a true friend sticks closer than one’s nearest kin.

PROVERBS 18:24 NRSV

Over the next few days, we’re going to be looking at five different types of intimacy that a married couple should experience. Today, we’re looking at social intimacy, which is staying best friends.

Most couples admit that when they got married, they were the best of friends. However, as time goes by and life circumstances change, we can easily drift apart. Ultimately, we start “doing our own thing,” and as a result, we lose that aspect of friendship in our marriage.

So, here’s what we’d like you to do: date. That’s right. Dating is one of the best ways for a husband and wife to stay best friends. Is your dating life in a rut? Here’s an idea: on separate pieces of paper, each of you writes down five great dates that you would enjoy. While your spouse may not pick a date you particularly enjoy, it’s important to learn how to gain enjoyment from experiencing the enjoyment of your best friend.

Now, get your five great dates on the calendar today!

REFLECTION

Thank you, Lord, that you have brought us together. Help us stick closer to each other. If we have drifted apart, allow us to find our common ground again and restore the joy found in the comfort of having a best friend.

JANUARY 20

Mental Intimacy

The Lord gives wisdom; From His mouth come knowledge and understanding.

PROVERBS 2:6 NASB

We’re looking at five different types of intimacy that a married couple should experience. Today’s type is mental intimacy.

Seriously, when we were first married, the difference in intelligence between us seemed massive. It took years for this idea to become totally understood by us both: it’s not how smart you are, but how you are smart.

Mental intimacy is discovering the ways in which you and your spouse are smart, and then deferring to that person’s strength in the marriage. For example, I (Jay) am smart with numbers. Laura is smart with colors and fabric. I let Laura know what our budget for a new couch is, and she picks it out.

Remember: it’s not how smart you are, but how you are smart!

REFLECTION

In what ways are you a different kind of smart from your spouse? Take turns at acknowledging the “smart”you see in each other. Thank God for your differences!

JANUARY 21

Emotional Intimacy

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

ROMANS 12:10 NIV

A married couple should experience five different types of intimacy. Today’s discussion is emotional intimacy.

Laura is the steady one in our relationship. Her highs aren’t very high, and her lows aren’t very low. Jay, on the other hand, can be like an emotional teenager. Emotional intimacy begins by realizing you will have very different emotions and emotional reactions than your spouse. It also means reserving enough emotional energy for your spouse when you are finally together.

Spending all of your emotional energy at work or on your kids and leaving none for your spouse is like trying to drive a car without a battery. Emotional energy is the spark that keeps your marriage alive. On a day-to-day basis, we need to conserve our emotional energy reserves so we can remain connected to our spouse on an emotional level.

REFLECTION

Can you identify the ways in which each of you feel best connected to each other? Is it through intellectual discussion, analysis of your relationship, or simply hearing the words that you are appreciated? Take note of what makes your spouse feel connected.

JANUARY 22

Physical Intimacy

Kiss me and kiss me again, for your love is sweeter than wine.

SONG OF SOLOMON 1:2 NLT

Heading into the month of love, we’re looking at five different types of intimacy that a married couple should experience. Today, it’s physical intimacy.

Studies show that one of the best things you can do for the health of your little ones is to let them see Mommy and Daddy in love. That’s right, when children see Mom and Dad kiss in the kitchen or hold hands on the couch, they perform better in school, are healthier both physically and emotionally, and feel more secure.

It’s funny how so many Christian couples in our culture try to hide from their kids the very thing that will help them the most. God gave us the gift of physical intimacy, and those kisses and hugs are great models for our kids. And the bottom line? It helps Mom and Dad stay close as well.

The next time you’re leaving for work, let your little kids see Mom and Dad share a goodbye kiss.

REFLECTION

Thank you, Lord, for the numerous ways in which we can show affection for one another. Allow us to appreciate the gift of touch and the ways in which it can foster intimacy between us.

JANUARY 23

Spiritual Intimacy

Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God.

EPHESIANS 5:2 NLT

We’re looking at five different types of intimacy that a married couple should experience, and today it’s spiritual intimacy.

The easiest way to describe spiritual intimacy is this: a husband and wife who are both seeking to become like Christ. You see, the more one becomes like Christ, the more one realizes what one’s partner needs in a spouse.

There are many ways to grow in your walk with Christ. Here are just a few:

•Start your day with quiet time. It doesn’t have to be long—just start.

•Join a men’s or women’s group at your church. Surround yourself with others who want to grow.

•Pray together. Start simple by thanking God for the gift you have been given in each other.

Remember, becoming like Christ is what your spouse needs most from you.

REFLECTION

In what ways do you know and see the love and goodness of Christ? When you remind yourself of the ways he has modeled love to you, you can be inspired to live like this as well. Together, pursue a life of knowing Christ, so that you can love one another wholeheartedly.

JANUARY 24

How to Be Heard

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.

JAMES 1:19 NIV

At times, I (Laura) feel like no one in my home listens to a word I say. Sometimes it’s the kids, and other times it’s Jay.

Ladies, if you feel as if no one hears you, try the following:

•Make sure the person is not doing something else. If I want them to hear me, I need to see their eyes.

•Use a voice that isn’t whiny or angry. No one hears an unpleasing voice. I don’t listen when my kids whine, so why would I expect them to listen to me when I whine?

•Choose your words wisely. Calling people by name gets their attention. Not overloading them with too many words will help the matter as well.

Through much trial and error, I figured out those were ways to make them listen to me.

REFLECTION

When do you feel the least heard? Make a plan for those times that involves understanding, patience, and a good strategy for having your voice heard!

JANUARY 25

Your Spouse’s Needs

Let no one seek his own, but each one the other’s well-being.

1 CORINTHIANS 10:24 NKJV

We can all get bogged down and lament over our spouse not meeting our expectations.

Many men imagine that when they walk in the door after a long day at work, they will be greeted with a kiss and the smell of a delicious dinner, and that the children will be playing quietly. Lots of women hold to the dream of a husband who notices when she gets her hair cut, sends flowers on a whim, and helps around the house without being asked.

We all come into marriage expecting our spouse to meet our every need and be exactly what we need in a spouse. But that doesn’t happen. It isn’t reality!

The truth of the matter is that we need to reverse our thinking, and instead of lamenting over our unmet expectations, we need to ask ourselves what we need to do to meet our spouse’s needs: What does my spouse need me to do today?

REFLECTION

One great way to avoid getting grumpy at your spouse is to think of all the things about them for which you’re thankful. Take a moment to be grateful!

JANUARY 26

Marriage Mentors

Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom for the future.

PROVERBS 19:20 NRSV

We believe very strongly in marriage mentoring. The way we found our marriage mentors was purely accidental. About twelve years ago, our good friends Russ and Joneen started coming over once a week for a time we called “therapy.” Basically, we eat finger foods and chat. They are fifteen years older than we are and have served as our marriage mentors ever since.

Here are the benefits we have discovered from having a mentor couple in our lives:

•They help you realize that you are not traveling down a path that no one has traveled before. Mentors can help you avoid the potholes along the way.

•You receive advice from someone who is not family.

•Mentors give you a vision of the future and hope that you can make it.

In fact, we would go as far as to say every couple needs a mentor couple in their lives. Consider seeking out a marriage mentor couple.

REFLECTION

Are there people who come to mind when you think of marriage mentors? Resolve to pursue these discussions and continue to pray that the Lord would bring the right people across your path.

JANUARY 27

Celebrate

People should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.

ECCLESIASTES 3:13 NLT

We have celebrated more than thirty years of marriage. We don’t say that for the congratulations or the “Hey, look at us!” attention. We say it because marriage is something to be celebrated. No matter how long you’ve been married, celebrate what God has brought together in your marriage.

We have always gone away for our anniversary. Even when our kids were young, we made it a habit to get away overnight. The kids always knew that it was our anniversary, and we were going to celebrate.

One year, when our youngest daughter, Grace, was in high school, we decided not to go away but to stay home and save money. When Grace realized that it was our anniversary and we weren’t going anywhere, she was appalled. I (Laura) can distinctly remember her giving us a “talking to” about the fact that we are “marriage people,” and we tell others to celebrate their marriages, and we weren’t following our own advice.

We encourage you to celebrate your marriage every day but especially on your anniversary. Your kids are watching!

REFLECTION

Take a moment to remember just how many years you have been married. Whether it’s a few or many, it’s worth stopping to celebrate what you have gained and given up for marriage. Thank the Lord for both the good times and hard times.

JANUARY 28

Encourage

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

JOSHUA 1:9 NIV

There is something only you can give your spouse. Besides the obvious, you are the only spouse available to encourage them, which literally means to give them courage. The words you offer have the potential to push your husband or wife across the finish line or climb any mountain that stands in front of them.

I (Laura) witnessed the power of encouragement firsthand when Jay coached our men’s church league basketball team. Although he wasn’t great at getting the ball through the net, he loved praising team members any time one of them did something right. By the end of each game, Jay’s voice was almost gone, but the hearts of his teammates were healthy and strong.