Cleansed E-Book

Marcel LeJeune

• Herausgeber: anna ruggieri
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2019

Beschreibung

Those caught in the grip of porn may withdraw in shame and despair, thinking there is no hope. Author Marcel LeJeune shows readers that the road to freedom from pornography cannot and should not be traveled alone.
LeJeune offers scientific evidence of the addictive and destructive power of pornography, and provides resources and suggestions for keeping your home and family safe.

Leseprobe

CLEANSED

A Catholic Guide to Freedom from Porn

Marcel LeJeune

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

LeJeune, Marcel.  Cleansed : a Catholic guide to freedom from porn / by Marcel LeJeune.      1 online resource.  Includes bibliographical references.  Summary: “A practical and spiritual guide to freedom and healing from pornography addiction from a Catholic perspective”-- Provided by publisher.   Description based on print version record and CIP data provided by publisher; resource not viewed.  ISBN 978-0-8198-1654-2 (epub) -- ISBN 978-0-8198-1655-9 (mobi) -- ISBN 978-0-8198-1656-6 (pdf) -- ISBN 978-0-8198-1653-5 (pbk.)  1. Pornography--Religious aspects--Catholic Church. I. Title.   BV4597.6   241’.667--dc23

2015030519

Many manufacturers and sellers distinguish their products through the use of trademarks. Any trademarked designations that appear in this book are used in good faith but are not authorized by, associated with, or sponsored by the trademark owners.

Excerpts from papal audiences, homilies, angelus messages, addresses, messages, and exhortations, copyright © Libreria Editrice Vaticana. All rights reserved.

The Scripture quotations contained herein are from the New Revised Standard Version Bible: Catholic Edition, copyright © 1989, 1993, Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the United States of America. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Excerpts from the English translation of the Catechism of the Catholic Church for use in the United States of America, copyright © 1994, United States Catholic Conference, Inc., Libreria Editrice Vaticana. Used with permission.

Cover design by Rosana Usselmann

Cover photo by istockphoto.com/ © AlexZaltsev

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher.

“P” and PAULINE are registered trademarks of the Daughters of St. Paul.

Copyright © 2016, Marcel LeJeune

Published by Pauline Books & Media, 50 Saint Paul’s Avenue, Boston, MA 02130-3491

www.pauline.org

Pauline Books & Media is the publishing house of the Daughters of St. Paul, an international congregation of women religious serving the Church with the communications media.

Contents

Foreword

Author’s Note

Acknowledgments

Introduction

CHAPTER 1Why Porn Matters

CHAPTER 2What Porn Does to Individuals, Families, and Society

CHAPTER 3How Did We Get into This Mess and How Can We Get Out?

CHAPTER 4Strategies for Individuals Who Struggle with Porn

CHAPTER 5Virtue Is Not a Dirty Word

CHAPTER 6The Necessity of Prayer, Penance, and the Sacraments

CHAPTER 7Protecting Your Home, Children, and Family from Porn

CHAPTER 8What to Do If Your Family Member Is Using Porn

CHAPTER 9How to Talk to Your Kids about Sex

CHAPTER 10The Catholic Antidote to Porn

APPENDIX 1Resources

APPENDIX 2Format and Principles for Accountability Groups

Foreword

Cleansed is a perfect title for this Catholic guide to freedom from porn. Marcel LeJeune does not sidestep the alarming and grotesque proportions of the current epidemic of pornography, nor does he hesitate to detail the devastating effects of the scourge of porn addiction on individuals, relationships, and society. The underlying theme he weaves throughout the book, however, is the good news that there is indeed a path to freedom from pornography use and addiction, and that the Catholic faith offers real hope to anyone struggling with porn. There are effective ways to be restored, healed, liberated, forgiven . . . cleansed.

Pornography has a long history. While some continue to debate what constitutes porn, the Catechism of the Catholic Church is very clear:

Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. (no. 2354)

Our author puts it simply in these words: “Pornography is material that portrays suggestive behavior in order to arouse sexual desires and reactions.”

The all too evident reality is that over-sexualized and pornographic imagery saturates our culture. It is available everywhere and to everyone. The Internet, for all of its benefits, has made pornography instantly accessible and seemingly anonymous. Everyone is vulnerable: men and women, young and old, married and single, laity as well as clergy and people in consecrated life. Pornography production and use is always harmful and always wrong. Yet there are ways to escape its grasp.

Marcel LeJeune writes convincingly about why porn matters and the damage it does to individuals, families, and society in his first two chapters. In Chapter 3, “How Did We Get into This Mess and How We Can Get Out?” he notes the currents of relativism, utilitarianism, and hedonism, which are so pervasive in our time and that are behind much of the sexual chaos that confronts us. He underscores the effect of the contraceptive mentality in stripping sex of its intended purpose—“babies and bonding”—with the result that pornography redefines the purpose of sex as pleasure alone. The world of porn disregards, denigrates, and denies the beautiful gift of human sexuality as God has designed it—for procreation and for the union of the spouses.

In the early chapters of the book, LeJeune offers a compelling analysis of the problem. His style of presentation engages not only those who are already struggling with pornography, but also others—parents, educators, clergy, counselors—who share the author’s concern and commitment to help people become free of this burden.

The rest of the book, filled with realistic and promising advice and strategies, offers a well-reasoned and very practical action plan, a path to freedom from porn. At the center of the path to being cleansed is the Good News of Jesus Christ who, in the power of his mercy, restores hearts, heals wounds, forgives sin, and opens wide the door to new and abundant life. Christ can also transform our culture when we who are his missionary disciples agree to share in his work. This is a central dynamic of the New Evangelization.

Chapter 4, “Strategies for Individuals Who Struggle with Porn” details “18 Strategies to Stop”—from getting rid of all porn and future access to it, to finding an accountability partner and group, to regular exercise, as well as avoiding alcohol while engaging in the battle to overcome the temptation. Several of the strategies are specifically religious such as regular participation in the Eucharist and confession, prayer, fasting, and Scripture reading, Marian devotion, and involvement in service to others. The recommendation to seek professional help is the last strategy listed, but clearly an important one for anyone who is frustrated by unsuccessful efforts to win the battle against porn.

A highlight of this book is the chapter entitled “Virtue is NOT a Dirty Word.” We need to do a far more effective job teaching our people (and that includes ourselves) about virtue. The theological virtues of faith, hope, and charity, given us by God in Baptism and strengthened in Confirmation, are at the heart of Christian discipleship. Then there are the human virtues, defined in the Catechism of the Catholic Church as “firm attitudes, stable dispositions, habitual perfections of intellect and will that govern our actions, order our passions, and guide our conduct according to reason and faith” (no. 1804). These virtues, like our bodies’ muscles, must be exercised in order to grow strong. Like every Christian, the man or woman struggling with pornography will find the virtues of patience, chastity, humility, perseverance, and temperance to be potent medicine in the journey toward healing and forgiveness.

The book concludes with a look at the Catholic antidote to porn, an attitude that is rooted in our finding our identity as human persons in Jesus Christ and living fully in God’s love, truth, and grace. The author calls upon Saint John Paul II’s teaching on the theology of the body as a needed counterpoint to contemporary ideas about sex. It communicates a new path for us, one that is, our author assures us, “a path of freedom, holiness, and purity. It calls us to love and virtue. . . . [I]t rightly teaches us the holy purpose of our bodies.”

I am grateful to Marcel LeJeune for this thoughtful, engaging, and very practical book. In the face of the challenge of pornography in our day, this book is a timely, much-needed, and promising resource in response to an urgent pastoral need.

MOST REVEREND RICHARD J. MALONE, TH.D., STL

Bishop of Buffalo

Chairman, USCCB Committee on Laity, Marriage, Family, and Youth

Author’s Note

If you are using porn and want to stop, there is hope!

This book contains direct and honest language about sexuality. It is not meant to be read by children. Nor is this book a substitute for professional help, if needed, by those who suffer from sexual addiction. Rather, this book offers hope and practical strategies for those who are caught up in pornography and for their families. It can also help families prevent pornography from entering their homes. Yet this book, by itself, won’t cure any addict. The answer, instead, is to choose to accept God’s love and grace into our hearts. Then we can live a life pleasing to God, even if that means taking the narrow path, humbling ourselves by seeking help, and changing the ways we act day to day.

I am a husband, a father, and a Catholic campus minister who has seen many lives crushed by pornography and other sexual wounds. Although I am not a counselor, a psychologist, or a priest, I have also seen lives transformed by forgiveness, grace, love, virtue, and sexual healing. In fact, what I love most about my job is being able to witness conversion of hearts and lives.

If you believe you are a sexual addict or someone who can’t seem to find the inner strength to turn away from sexual brokenness and sin, I hope you will seek help. If you struggle with your sexuality, then do not hesitate to seek and find someone who can help you take the next step to sexual health and wholeness. It is worth whatever sacrifice you might need to make. While I don’t claim that this book is the cure-all for sexual problems, I believe it can help many people turn their lives around.

Acknowledgments

Most books grow out of the stories, experiences, relationships, and conversations that each author learns about and experiences in life. This book is no different. Of course, I must first give all glory to Jesus Christ, who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. If you haven’t yet chosen to make Jesus your Lord, I pray that you will do so. No other path we can walk can bring us to everlasting happiness.

I can never thank my wife and children enough for the sacrifice they make when I write. When I write, I write at home, and I close the door. This means I take time from all of them and give it to a book; so I say to them: I thank you for being such an understanding and loving family. I love you all beyond words: Kristy, Kyra, Dominic, Olivia, Anna, and Elise.

I also thank all those who have contributed to this book in any way: friends and family who have encouraged me to write it; Bob Rice for his ideas; the many unnamed individuals who have allowed me to minister to them; those who have helped me in my own walk with Jesus; as well as those who have opened their lives to me, and who have helped me in my own walk with Christ.

Finally, I thank all the men and women who have shared with me their personal struggles. You have challenged me, humbled me, and taught me so much—thank you. I pray daily for all of you who struggle with your sexuality.

Introduction

You aren’t perfect. I’m not perfect. None of us is. Yet the amazing thing about our imperfection, which we riddle with sin, is that despite it all God’s love for us never stops. As a young adult I felt inadequate, unworthy, and humiliated because of my bad habits and sin. Yet I still chased after happiness by seeking sex and using others. It never worked. None of those things ever brought lasting happiness. They brought brief moments of pleasure, but those never lasted. I got through it all only because of an encounter with Jesus that shook me to the core. I finally found the love I had wanted all along!

All those who use pornography have a warped understanding of their self-image, their dignity, what it means to be a man, what it means to be a woman, relationships, family, love, God, guilt, forgiveness, and sex. This is why everyone—man, woman, or child—will struggle once they start using porn. It warps us. It attacks the very core of our humanity, and it will lay waste to our joy and peace.

It isn’t enough to ignore the realities of what porn does to us and others or to simply try and justify our actions. To use porn is to accept a lie about love instead of continuing to look for the real thing. No regular user of pornography is able to see himself or herself (or any other human) in the way each person is meant to be seen: as a reflection of the Creator.

I have been working with sex addicts since I first entered campus ministry in 2002. I have seen many college students, children, parents, clergy, grandparents, and single people during this time. No part of our society is untouched by pornography. Soon after I began working in ministry, I realized that I was unequipped to deal with the problem. So I started doing some research, only to find that the Catholic Church had few resources at the time to help those struggling with their sexuality. Not giving up, I started reading about sexual addiction, the effects of pornography, and the mounting scientific and practical evidence that pornography damages individuals, families, and society. This convinced me that I had to do something and find help somewhere.

I eventually heard of a research facility that specialized in the study of addiction and found two professionals there who were doing studies in sexual addiction, recovery, and how to work with people of faith. It was a good fit for both parties. I needed their expertise in recovery and addiction, and they needed people of faith to work with. We started a collaboration that lasted for years.

Our collaboration helped me to learn about the science of how addiction affects the pleasure center of the brain and how it rewires the neural synapses that are meant to help us seek what is good for us. The researchers started to find, however, that most sex addicts who tried to stop on their own failed miserably. This meant that if I wanted to help those who were asking me for assistance, I would have to give them more than a good book or a presentation. They needed my love and my time.

I started to learn how faith could be used in helping others by modeling how to integrate prayer, spirituality, Scripture, and the theological virtues (i.e., faith, hope, and love) into the day-to-day struggles of the sex addict. I also learned some small group techniques of working with those who struggle with their sexuality. While I am not a professional counselor or therapist, I still use some of the best practices of those disciplines in the accountability groups I work with.

But no group is without struggles. I found out a lot about what to do and what not to do—often by doing the wrong thing. I also learned that God’s grace is more than enough to conquer any issue, no matter how powerful it is. Furthermore, I learned something that every reader of this book should know: nothing you can do will make God stop loving you! Our actions are never powerful enough to stop God’s love for each person, no matter what we have done. Our Lord’s tenderness and mercy never end. We need only go to him humbly to receive the power of his love. True freedom from the unhappiness of porn cannot be found without God, because our sexuality (not just the other parts of our lives) needs redemption and grace to be properly ordered.