Except the Lord build the House E-Book

Rev. Robert A. Tucker

• Herausgeber: Zion Christian Publishers
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2014

Beschreibung

God intended marriage and family life to be like heaven on earth. So few these days find it to be so. Whatever your age, marital status, or cultural heritage, this book will help identify weaknesses and areas that need in improvement in your relationships and provide workable solutions to build an enduring marriage and family life.

Leseprobe

Except The Lord Build The House

God’s Keys For Abundant Marriage & Family Life

EXCEPT THE LORD BUILD THE HOUSE: God's Keys For Abundant Marriage & Family Life

Copyright © 2000 Robert and Angeline Tucker.

All rights reserved under International Copyright Law.

Printed July 2000 in the United States of America

Version 1.1

Library of Congress Card Number: 00-105880

Scripture quotations in this publication, unless otherwise indicated, are from

the King James Version, Holy Bible

No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording or otherwise— without the express written consent of the author.

Published as an e-book on February 2014

in the United States of America by Zion Christian Publishers

E-book ISBN 1-59665-148-2

Cover Design: Joseph Cilluffo

Editing: Mary Humphreys, Anne McDougall, Leslie Sigsby

Layout: Barbara Saad

For more information, please contact:

Zion Christian Publishers

A Zion Fellowship ® Ministry

P.O. Box 70

Waverly, New York 14892

Phone: [phone]

Toll free: 1-877-768-7466

PREFACE

When Angeline and I were married in 1965 we were aware of very little teaching and written material concerning marriage and family life.  Since that time, volumes have been written on many different aspects of this vast and vital subject and seminars abound.  I have, at times, asked the Lord if another writing was necessary.  The  information in this book is presented from a different perspective than other books on this topic.  We have approached this subject from God-established scriptural order, giving each member of the family practical application for daily living in their God appointed responsibilities.  We have personally worked through and lived the principles  that are presented.  We know God’s ways are right and will work in every generation.  Having shared these concepts in leadership training seminars in many countries, we also know that God’s Word transcends every culture and answers basic problems in marriage and family life for all people groups.

May you find what we have shared from our experience with God’s Word a blessing in your own marriage and family life.  “Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it”  (Psalm 127:1).  May your family be constructed according to the pattern God has given that they can be strong, endure to the end, and be effective witnesses to the world that God’s ways are perfect and right.

Robert A. Tucker

Introduction

Built According To The Pattern

Angeline: There it was exactly as I had seen it in my dreams: “SURGERY.”  Everything was happening to me as I had dreamt time and again for over a year.  In the dream, I was being transported on a gurney to surgery when a voice spoke: “If you had sought me, you would not be here.”

Now everything was happening in reality.  More than a year earlier the doctor had diagnosed my need for surgery.  We had waited, seeking the Lord for His intervention by a miracle of healing.  Through the counsel of those over us, God made it clear that He was choosing surgery rather than His touch of healing.  Somehow it seemed impossible that God would choose such a pathway now.  He had ministered miraculous healing in our lives before.  We assumed that He would always do the same for us.  Obviously, that was not to be this time.

But now, as I was being taken to surgery, doubts flooded my mind.  As I saw the sign on the door, “SURGERY,” the voice which had spoken to me in the dream echoed again in my mind: “If you had sought me, you would not be here.”  Then the voice of the Lord spoke clearly and answered the turmoil of my mind: “Because you have sought Me, I have chosen this for you and brought you to this place.” The peace of God filled my mind and spirit.

Neither of us understood God’s purpose in our situation until several years later.  As we were able to reflect on that situation, we realized that the doctor had indeed done surgery, but more importantly, the Lord Himself had begun a surgical work with that event.  His surgery was not on the physical body but rather on our marriage and family structure.

Although married for seven years, we had received very little instruction concerning marriage.  We were unaware of how much our relationship was out of God’s order and how quickly we were speeding toward disaster in our family life.  In His great mercy, God began a specific work in our marriage with this event.  He began to instruct us in His ways and to reveal His order for a husband, wife, and children.

You will find that this book comes from a different perspective than many other books on this subject.  Most of the lessons shared within were understood and worked in our lives experientially as our loving Heavenly Father led us on a specific pathway to instruct us.  These lessons were often received in valleys of sorrow and misunderstanding.  We would not want to pass through those valleys again, but we are so thankful for the treasures that were gathered there.  Our study centers on the order that He has ordained for the marriage relationship and family order.

Now that our children are married to wonderful mates and we witness how they are leading our grandchildren, we can declare boldly to you from experience: GOD’S WAYS ARE PERFECT AND RIGHT!

We hope you will be encouraged to put your complete trust in the Lord and seek His ways.  We live in the midst of a world where family relationships are falling apart.  Many homes are like houses in a violent earthquake being reduced to rubble.  If we will seek God to help us build according to His Word and His ways, our households can stand intact on the solid Rock, Christ Jesus. “Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it” (Psalms 127:1). If you discover that your marriage or family life is not functioning properly, refuse discouragement.  Allow the Holy Spirit to be your guide to put everything as God meant it to be.  This may take more time than you initially expect, but the results are well worth it.

Chapter 1

Reasons For God’s Order

HOMES FILLED WITH HIS GLORY

God’s purpose is to bring tremendous revival in these last days that He might manifest His glorious nature and character through His people.  God has ordained an order for all that He created.  When that order is established, His glory settles in the midst of the situation.

We see this principle illustrated in Exodus chapters 25-30, where God meticulously outlined for Moses the pattern for a tabernacle in the wilderness.  These plans for building the tabernacle were followed explicitly, as is recorded in Exodus 36-40.  We see what followed: “So Moses finished the work, then a cloud covered the tent of the congregation, and the glory of the Lord filled the tabernacle” (Exodus 40:33b-34).  When everything was set into order according to the pattern God had given, then the glory of God was manifested in the tabernacle.

About 450 years later, God gave David a pattern for the temple to be built in Jerusalem, along with an expanded order of worship.  When everything was completed, including the order for the priests and Levites to worship the Lord as one voice and one symphony of instruments, “then the house was filled with a cloud, even the house of the Lord; so that the priests could not stand to minister by reason of the cloud: for the glory of the Lord had filled the house of God” (II Chronicles 5:13-14).  Again, once everything was done in God’s order, He filled the house with His glory.

Before Jesus’ ascension, He told the disciples to wait in Jerusalem for the promise of the Father (Acts 1:4-5).  They had a ten day prayer meeting in the upper room (Acts 1:13-14).  Certainly during that prayer meeting many things must have been set into God’s order in that house.  Surely all the disciples were repenting because they had forsaken Jesus at His trial.  Peter must have humbled himself for his denial of Christ.  James and John must certainly have had a change of heart about who should be the greatest.

Act 2:1 tells us, “And when the day of Pentecost was fully come, they were all with one accord in one place.”  God had done a work to establish them according to His pattern.  Then they were all filled with the Holy Ghost and the whole house was filled with the glory of God.

God wants to fill the church with His glory in this day.  He wants to fill our households with His glory, but we must be built up according to the pattern which He has established for us.  The church will not come together in God’s order unless individual families become established in the way God ordained.

He has a definite pattern for marriage and family life.  Psalm 127:1 tells us, “Except the Lord build the house, they labor in vain that build it.”  God reveals to each member of the family his or her place of responsibility.  As each one embraces God’s purpose and receives grace to function that way in daily life, God will then fill that household with His glory.

Angeline: A very natural application of this is spring cleaning.  It is the time when a house is purified of accumulated dirt and purged of clutter.  In the process of this cleaning, things always look much worse than at the start.  Everything is taken apart.  The ultimate goal has to be kept in mind or a tremendous amount of discouragement occurs.  I always have the vision of the completed work before me, and it gives me strength to press through the job at hand.  I only tackle a room a day so that we will not be totally overwhelmed.  But going through this process is always hard on the entire family.

The same is true in our spiritual lives.  When God does a spring cleaning, we sometimes feel torn apart and in a state of chaos.  It is God’s ultimate purpose to clean us up and set things in order in our lives.  We go through this many times in our own private lives, but God also does this in a marriage and in a family.  His whole purpose is not to destroy us but to cleanse us of the leaven that so easily comes into our lives through living in a polluted world and a perverse generation.

Remember when your children would come in from outside and be filthy dirty?  Even though you loved them dearly, it was much easier to cuddle with them once they had the benefit of the cleansing power of the bathtub.  So it is with God in our lives.  We must submit ourselves to Him to cleanse us.  First He deals with us as individuals, then He wants to deal with our marriage and family life.  His desire is to have all areas of our lives in order so that He can fill our lives and homes with His glory that we may be His witnesses.

THE LAST DAY REVIVAL

Revival must come in these last days before the return of the Lord Jesus.  However, there must first be a preparation in our marriages and families.  Malachi prophesied of the problems that had to be corrected in the hearts of the people before the initial coming of the Lord.  The first issue he addressed was their attitude toward God.

The very next problem he identified was their attitude toward their wives.  God made it clear that the treacherous way a man dealt with his wife and the abominable practice of divorce were affecting their children (Malachi 2:13-16).  Whenever the parents’ marriage is not functioning properly, the children suffer greatly and often do not go on to follow the Lord.  God wants a godly seed.

  As we study the lives of some of the kings of Judah, we can see the impact of the fathers’ lives upon the lives of their sons.  King Jehoshaphat had a wonderful revival in his day.  Many returned to the Lord.  However, because his family was not in God’s order, the effects of the revival did not continue on in his son, Jehoram.

Hezekiah was another Judaean king who saw great revival in his day.  There was a great cleansing in the land.  God had done great things through Hezekiah.  However, II Kings 20:17-19 shows that Hezekiah had no vision for the things God had done in his kingdom to continue in his children.  His son, Manasseh, was one of the most wicked kings of Judah.

Again, we see King Josiah who had a similar visitation of the Lord during his reign (II Chronicles 34-35).  Yet his sons, Jehoahaz and Jehoiakim, went far away from the Lord.  Revival itself failed to produce that “godly seed” of which Malachi spoke (Malachi 2:15).  It is God’s purpose to prepare the way in revival by establishing each family according to the pattern that He has ordained.

Angeline: Not only is teaching by our words and communicating through our actions necessary for instructing our children in God’s ways, but also it is imperative to pray for them.  Years ago, we were in a meeting where the Spirit of the Lord was moving in a wonderful way of conviction.  The pastor’s wife was praying at the altar, and I felt that God wanted me to pray with her.  At the time, her son, who was in his twenties was struggling in his walk with the Lord.  As we were praying, her son came to the altar in great conviction, seeking to meet the Lord in a new way.  She was not aware of what was happening.

The Lord gave me a vision of this woman in labor, getting ready to give birth. In this vision, I was like the midwife to her.  I kept talking to her, encouraging her to let travail have its complete work.  She continued in travailing prayer.  I could tell that the time of the birthing was near.  I said to her, “It is just about here; the birthing is happening.”  She continued to cry out in anguish.

Just when she felt that she could take no more, her son, who was at the altar praying, cried out in a loud voice.  I said to her, “Look, you just birthed him in the Spirit into the kingdom of God.  Hear him cry?  It’s a live birth.”  She started to rejoice as the spirit of travail lifted and she saw her son crying out to God.  The next day she came back to me and told me that all night Satan had been telling her that her son was stillborn and that there was no life.  I reassured her by saying, “You heard him cry as he was meeting with God.”

When my own sixteen-year-old son was attending a youth camp, I knew that he needed a fresh meeting with God.  Because I knew the camp schedule, every day during the chapel meeting, I would go to his bedroom at home, lie across his bed, and cry out to God that my son would have a significant meeting with Him.  As I was praying one day,  I felt the travailing of prayer come upon me.  Then there was a release, and great joy flooded my spirit.  While that was happening to me, our son (who was about sixty miles away) was praying. At that time he had a real experience of furthering his commitment to the purposes of God.

I have always felt that after birthing our children in the natural, God also wanted me to experience the spiritual birthing of them.  It is something I strongly teach the wives and mothers to involve themselves in—prayer to bring to birth the purposes of God in the lives of their children.  The kings mentioned earlier did not have a concern that their children would have a vital meeting with God and walk in righteousness.

John the Baptist had a unique ministry as a forerunner to prepare the way in the hearts of the people for the first coming of the Lord Jesus Christ to this earth.  He preached repentance.  In Luke 2:11-14, John addressed such issues as covetousness, benevolence, honesty, violence, speaking the truth, and contentment.  His message, according to Luke 3:4-6, was to prepare a highway—an expressway—through rough terrain so that many could move quickly into the things of God in the days of the revival which were coming.  All flesh would see the salvation of God because of this work that was done in preparation.

Another aspect of John’s message is found in Luke 1:17: “And he shall go before Him in the Spirit and power of Elias, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just; to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.”  Even for the revival that Jesus himself would bring, it was necessary for a work to be done in the family.  While studying the Gospels and the book of Acts one cannot help but notice how often whole families were affected by the move of God.  In the Old Testament, we see that Joseph was sent by God ahead of his brethren into Egypt to prepare a way for them to be preserved in the coming famine.  God also wants to prepare families to show the glory of God and make His way plain for others who will be drawn to the Lord in the coming revival.

PREPARATION FOR ENDTIME WARFARE

These days are certainly the “last days,” the “perilous times” described in II Timothy 3:1-8.  All the signs that the scripture gives here are certainly manifest in fullness in our day.  In Isaiah 60:1-2, the prophet describes what he foresaw in similar terms.  In verse 2, he tells us that “darkness shall cover the earth, and gross darkness the people.”  However, in verse 1 this hope is given in contrast to the darkness: “Arise, shine; for thy light is come, and the glory of the Lord is risen upon thee,” and further in verse 2, “But the Lord shall arise upon thee, and His glory shall be seen upon thee.”

When we consider the various curses there are in the earth in these last days, we should also consider the importance of godly restoration of the home.  “Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers lest I come and smite the earth with a curse” (Malachi 4:5-6).  Many of these curses are directly or indirectly related to the forsaking of godly family order.  God has established the family to convey holiness, truth and righteousness from one generation to another.  Unless God’s ways are established in our families, we will greatly fall short of God’s best in the coming revival of these last days.

  In studying apocalyptic scriptures, we find it impossible to dismiss the fact that very intense and difficult times lie ahead.  As we pursue God’s best, we must give attention to the details of God’s order.  We read in II Timothy 2:5, “And if a man also strive for masteries, yet is he not crowned except he strive lawfully” (according to God’s pattern).  Tremendous pressure has come against the family.  God’s ways make a family strong and able to stand against the attack of the kingdom of darkness.  Satan’s time is very short.  He is doing all he can to destroy the home in order to detour people from God’s purposes.

Angeline: It is interesting to note in Matthew 24:43, in the context of Jesus’ teaching on the last days of this age, that He warned about the thief breaking in and breaking up the house.  God has much to say in this portion concerning the “house.”  In the Greek, it refers to the “domestic house,” meaning our homes where our families abide.  What goes on in our homes, how our children are raised and how they develop determines to a great extent who will be a part in His kingdom.  Many times, we see this “house” as referring to the church, but it is clear in this passage that the house is the domestic house.  Those who do well with their own households are those who watch so that no thief can penetrate or break through and rob them or their children of the things being taught to them.  As parents, we must always be aware of where our children are and what they are involved in.  We must be careful who their friends are so that in no way are the truths stolen that we are planting in them. God is seeking for a godly seed (Malachi 2:15), but the kingdom of darkness is seeking to devour that which is godly (Revelation 12:4).  Our homes must be like an ark of safety from the world and the devil.  It ought to be the domestic policy of all parents to make their children feel that home is the happiest place in the world.  If you want the world a better place, you must start with your own home.

Jesus uses another analogy in Matthew 7:24-27 at the conclusion of the Sermon on the Mount.  He indicates that a storm is coming for everyone.  How well we are established on the firm foundation of His truth will determine whether or not our household will stand through the intense pressure of the satanic storm coming at the end of this age.

We must establish firm foundations built on the Rock, Christ Jesus, in our family relationships.  It is quicker and easier to build on sand.  Firm foundations do not just happen without much effort in applying God’s ways in our lives.  However, the effort is well worth it.  We can have foundations for our households that will insure that we will be able to stand firm against the deception of the Antichrist and even spoil the kingdom of darkness!

POSSIBILITY OF SPARING OTHERS

In Genesis 18 we see a beautiful picture of the relationship between Abraham and God.  Because God knew Abraham (Genesis 18:16-22) He revealed to him His plans to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah.  Abraham began to intercede until God agreed not to destroy these cities if there were ten righteous people found there. Like Abraham, only those who know God intimately can be effective intercessors.

Lot and his family lived in Sodom.  God spoke of Lot as a righteous man who was delivered out of the wrath upon this city (II Peter 2:6-8).  Had Lot led his family in God’s ways of righteousness, he could have spared the cities from the wrath of God.  According to the warning given by the angel to Lot to get his family out of Sodom, there would have been at least ten of them (Genesis 19:12):

These ten could have saved Sodom and Gomorrah had they been righteous.  Lot was a righteous man, but he did not lead his family into God’s righteousness.  Rather, he allowed the lust of his eyes to lure him to Sodom where the hearts of his family were turned away from God.  How often is this scene repeated in our day.

May we love the Lord and His righteousness and lead our families in His ways so that they will love Him and His righteousness.  Perhaps God can use our households to turn many to righteousness and away from the wrath of God.

PROMISES CONCERNING CHILDREN IN OLD TESTAMENT COVENANTS

The covenants which God made with man often contained promises concerning the following generations.  In the first covenant God made in the Garden of Eden, He spoke concerning the seed of the woman bruising the head of the serpent (Genesis 3:15).  Later, after the flood, God promised to Noah and his seed after him that He would never again cut off all flesh by the waters of a flood (Genesis 9:9-11).

God made promises to Abraham concerning his posterity.  In Genesis 15:18, God gave him a land for an inheritance.  God knew that Abraham would obey His voice and command his children and household in God’s way.  Because of Abraham’s faithfulness to his family, God could fulfill the promises He gave to Abraham.   “For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him” (Genesis 18:19).  To David, God made promises concerning his children reigning on his throne and the mercy that He would show to them (Psalms 132:10-12; 89:28-34).  Many of God’s promises are tied to our posterity.

 For this reason we must faithfully lead our children into God’s purposes.  It is true that every man shall receive a reward for his own deeds.  It is also true that our inheritance is completed in our children and generations following.  Investing our lives to lead our families in God’s ways will have eternal rewards for our seed and ourselves.  Isaiah 58:12 gives a wonderful promise of the potential of our seed “building old waste places” and bringing restoration to the ruins of past generations.

Angeline:  Through the years, we have heard of many who either wanted children or who were upset when they found out that they were going to have children.  The ideal situation is to seek the Lord and ask Him about this, getting His mind on the matter.  When we found out that we were going to become parents, the Lord taught us through His Word how very important the time in the womb was.  We can learn much from the many illustrations of pregnant women in the Bible.

Genesis 25:21-26 contains the account of Rebekah, pregnant with Esau and Jacob.  First of all, Isaac entreated the Lord for his wife because she was barren.  God answered and Rebekah conceived.  There was a lot of commotion going on in the womb of Rebekah. It is described as a struggle going on within her. She sought the Lord, and He spoke to her that two nations were in her womb. What insight she was having as a mother! The clue to their lives was manifest even from the very beginning. This is what He told her: “Two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels. The one people shall be stronger than the other people, and the elder shall serve the younger.”  Can you imagine the struggle she must have gone through not only in the pregnancy but also in seeing what was going to happen in her children’s lives?  Rebekah needed grace from God to endure all that was ahead of her in raising them.

Another notable pregnancy was that of Elizabeth.  In Luke 1:41-48, we read that the baby leaped in the womb of Elizabeth and she was filled with the Holy Ghost when she heard the salutation of Mary.  Not only the babe, but also the mother carrying the child was affected.  This illustrates that this is a time when a woman’s spirit can be very open and she must guard herself, watching her environment and her activities, not only for herself but also for her baby’s sake.

MARRIAGE —AN EXAMPLE OF RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN CHRIST AND THE CHURCH

The apostle Paul, directed by the Holy Spirit, uses the marriage relationship to demonstrate the relationship to be developed between Christ and His Bride, the church.  If a husband and wife have difficulty relating to each other, they often have the same difficulty in their relationship with Christ.  As marriage flows together in God’s purposes, we have a picture of our relationship to Christ (Ephesians 5:32).

Children are greatly affected by their relationship to their parents, especially their relationship to their fathers.  Children always seem to look for a hero to follow.  Proverbs 17:6 tells us, “...the glory of children are their fathers.”  Children’s concepts of God the Father are strongly influenced by their earthly fathers.  In counseling people, it often is manifest that their present concepts and attitudes toward God have been formed, not by the true character and nature of God, but by their earthly fathers many years earlier.

A certain man was facing such difficulty in being able to trust God to supply his needs.  The Holy Spirit revealed that this wrong concept of God was really a result of a father who was not diligent to provide for his family’s needs.  God took this person through a long series of events to teach him His faithfulness.

In another situation, a girl battled such bitterness and disappointment with God.  This was because her alcoholic father had broken promises and disappointed her many times.  A godly father has such positive influence by showing the true nature and character of God to his children.

In I Thessalonians 2, Paul shows the balance of influence a mother and father have in the lives of their children.  Even though speaking of his varied ministry to the Thessalonians, Paul draws his example from a proper parental role.  In verse 7, we read, “But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children.”  This shows the special touch of a mother’s love.

In verse 11, we read,  “As you know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children.”  The leadership role of the father is put forth in this verse.  As both parents fulfill their God-given responsibilities, the children have the very best opportunity to be established in God’s ways.

FAMILY LEADERSHIP AND CHURCH LEADERSHIP

One factor in the local church is the strength of the leadership of that church.  It is God’s purpose to have men who are like pillars in the house of God (Revelation 3:12).  The pillars sustain the weight and structure of the building.

A man can never be a strong church leader if he is not a strong family leader.  “One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity (respect); For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?” (I Timothy 3:4-5).  If a man cannot lead a small group of people properly, how will his leadership be effective with a larger group in the church?  Church leadership begins right at home.

 In Matthew 7:15-20, Jesus gives the test of true leaders: “by their fruit ye shall know them.”  Certainly a man’s wife and children are part of the fruit of his leadership.  If his leadership cannot produce good results in his family, how will it ever be any different in the church?  Many mighty men of God with great ministries have fallen because the foundations of their homes were not properly laid.  One should not only listen to the message preached or taught but also look at the family life of leaders.  Jesus warns us to prove true leadership because there are many false prophets.

Angeline: Being a pastor’s wife, I would always note the pastor’s family when we visited elsewhere.  I would always do a “fruit inspection.” Were his wife and children sitting as a family?  Were their countenances those of contentment, or were they just tolerating each other?   If our lives became involved with these pastors, I was ready to receive further insight from their families’ lives.  I wanted to learn by example, but so many times the negative was what was most evident.

When my husband took his first pastorate, I was terrified that my children might turn out like the “PK’s” (Preacher’s Kids) or the “MK’s” (Missionary’s Kids) whom I had observed.  I prayed and sought the Lord about this fear.  I loved my babies and I did not want the same result as the many disasters I had seen.  He assured me that if I read the recipe book, which was the Bible, and sought Him on issues, I would be happy with the results.

When we would meet a pastor’s family that did have lovely, loving, well-behaved and godly children, I would listen as the pastor and his wife shared with us those things that they had learned and practiced to bring the desired results.  We were not plastic people or a plastic family.  We had real life situations to work through.  Our children had problems just like any other children.  But God was faithful.  He did give us answers.

Once an older lady said to me, “Just wait until your kids are teenagers; then you will know what rebellion is all about.”  Our children were only two and five years old at the time.  Our flock didn’t have much to judge us by.  It was as if the Lord fixed us up so that our understanding would go far beyond our years.

God gave us other opportunities from which we could learn.  We finished raising my husband’s two younger sisters.  One moved in with us and finished high school, and a year later, the other moved in with us and got a job.  Both of these girls were brought up in Sunday school but had never had a life-changing experience with the Lord.  It was difficult because, in one sense, the mold had been cast.  But God was faithful to help us in setting them on the pathway of life while giving us on-the-job training.

We also took in foster children.  We wanted to be open for God to use us and to mature us in real life situations.  He was faithful to give us answers and help us with some children who otherwise might not have been able to know the Lord.  During the years of raising children, we grew up with them and learned many valuable lessons.

Becoming parents is on-the-job training.  If we don’t have the Holy Spirit to help us, we can find ourselves in real trouble.  Psalms 89:28-34 speaks of the covenant God made with David.  God said He would work in the lives of his children and would bring corrections and expose and bring to light the hidden things that were done in secret.

In times when children are in denial of their actions or words, we can simply say, “We’ll pray and ask the Holy Spirit to expose what is going on.”  He is so FAITHFUL. The Lord wants us to have success with our families so that our fruit can be good fruit, as in Isaiah 61:9: “And their seed shall be known among the Gentiles, and their offspring among the people: all that see them shall acknowledge them, that they are the seed which the LORD hath blessed.”  We do want to have seed that is blessed of the Lord.  It is possible!

Chapter 2

The Make-up Of Marriage

A COMPLETING UNION ESTABLISHED BY GOD

Marriage was established by God.  It was not man’s idea. Genesis 2:18 says, “And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an helpmeet for him.”  God, in His infinite wisdom, brought Adam and Eve together that they might complete one another.  Adam was to “cleave” to his wife, i.e., “be glued together” (Genesis 2:21-24).

When two pieces of wood are joined side by side, then glued and clamped together with pressure until the glue dries, a joint is formed which will not come apart.  A proper glue joint cannot be broken apart.  Usually the wood will split in a place other than where the joint is made.  This is the picture God has given us of marriage.  Jesus said, “Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined (a strong glue joint) together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6).  Marriage is very serious and holy in the eyes of God.  A couple should not take lightly what God has established.  Satan’s purpose is to belittle, berate, mock, and destroy what God has established to be pure, holy, enduring, and an honor to His name.

In John 17:20-23, Jesus prayed for those who follow Him.  He prayed that we may be one with the Godhead as They are in complete unity.  It is very difficult to understand how the Holy trinity are one.  It is similar to the unity God brings between a husband and wife who are very different from each other, yet are one.  The members of the Godhead each function differently and yet are perfectly one.

A MELTING POT OF DIFFERENCES

Often after a couple is married for a while, they each begin to notice how many differences they have.  Before marriage and during the honeymoon (however long that may last), they talk much about how alike they are!  The fact that one is male and the other female should be a clue that there are major differences between them.

We saw an example of this in a show at Disney World in Orlando, Florida, many years ago.  In a children’s program called “Country Bear Jamboree,” one scene showed an animated bear and octopus who are supposedly married to each other.  They sing an old love song, “Two Different Worlds We Live In.”  Some couples may feel just as mismatched.  At times, a couple may feel that their union is a mistake and that they will never find fulfillment together.  God wants us to understand how we are to be glued together.  He is able to work in each life so that a couple fulfills one another more than they ever dreamed possible.

Understanding that these differences are normal between a husband and wife helps.  Sometimes you may feel that your marriage is the only one ever to have faced such differences.  God has created these distinctions in a man and woman so that they can complete each other and not be at odds.

Men and women view situations and circumstances from totally different perspectives.  Men tend to gather information or the facts from an incident and arrange them in an order to form a logical conclusion.  Women view the same situation through their emotions.  They are not so much concerned with all the facts, but rather how they personally feel or how the circumstance may cause others to feel.  This is why a wife may feel that her husband is insensitive or uncaring.  Obviously both perspectives are very important.

How men and women tell stories reveals another interesting difference between the sexes.  Men usually provide enough skeletal facts to give the general idea of what took place.  Women tend to form a labyrinth of details and side stories, telling over and over how they feel about everything that happened.  Men often find it tedious trying to sort out what happened as they endeavor to separate the necessary from the peripheral details when they listen to a woman tell of an event.  Angeline always pumps me for more details when I am sharing with her.  Women love details!

A shopping trip becomes a hunting expedition for a man—pursue it, bag it and go home.  This would never do for a woman.  Shopping is an experience, an event for a woman, to feel the atmosphere of the shops, touch the merchandise, muse over it and fill her senses.  Angeline often returns from shopping telling me how much she has saved, when I only want to know how much she has spent.

Men are turned on sexually by what they see.   Women respond more to what they hear.  The Song of Solomon demonstrates how a husband can speak to his wife to provoke response in her  (Song of Solomon 2:14; 4:1-7).

My wife enjoys assembling picture puzzles.  This is a quiet time when God often speaks to her.  At times, she becomes the “puzzled one,” beginning to believe that all the parts are not there or that they were mixed with another puzzle.  As she is patient, sometimes walking away and returning to the puzzle later, the pieces begin to fit together as they were made to do.  Likewise, some differences in couples seem to be irreconcilable, but God can work so that their strengths and weaknesses complement one another perfectly, even as a difficult puzzle will finally fit together.  It is true that if we try to work out these differences in our own strength, we will often become frustrated and discouraged.  We must understand the importance of “seeking first the kingdom of God and his righteousness” (Matthew 6:33).  He can cause what we perceive as irreconcilable differences to be worked out so that we complement each other perfectly.

THREEFOLD RELATIONSHIP

The marriage relationship is not just a two-way relationship.  It is a three-way relationship.  Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “A threefold cord is not quickly broken.”  As each individual draws closer to the Lord, the couple draws closer to one another and the differences are met by the Lord.  As the Lord is placed first in each individual life and His divine order is sought, He can work out situations man deems impossible.  We must understand that no circumstance or difference is an impossibility with God.  Jesus said to the father with the demon possessed son, “If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth” (Mark 9:23).  May we put our full trust in Him who is able to change us.  Only Jesus can bring us to completeness and fulfillment.