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- Herausgeber: BroadStreet Publishing Group, LLC
- Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
- Sprache: Englisch
- Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2022
You can keep your love on for a lifetime. Quality love relationships do not happen by accident; they are built through persistent hard work. In this devotional for couples, author Danny Silk reinforces the three basic principles of the Keep Your Love On book—connecting, communicating, and setting boundaries. Each devotion includes quick daily readings, Scriptures, and thought-provoking questions that will help you build, strengthen, maintain, and heal your relational connections. Keeping your love on is both a mindset and a heart condition. No one can make you do it, and no one can keep you from doing it. Learn to live out the very best of who you are, and the all-elusive intimacy experience you crave will be well within your grasp.
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Keep Your Love On helped me finally understand how to build and protect healthy relationships. Danny’s teaching on connection, communication, and boundaries made everything so clear and easy to understand. Learning and living the KYLO message daily has changed my life and relationships forever!
—Christian Zamora, husband and father
KYLO was a Holy Spirit-led choice for me, and it has changed my life in many ways. Not only has my marriage been restored, but other relationships are also more intimate with proper boundaries that keep me empowered, whole, and healthy. I am able to keep connections strong while also knowing how to say “no” to things I feel uncomfortable with.
—Jordan Davis, youth pastor and business owner
I grew up in a family with a dysfunctional communication style (one parent passive, one aggressive, and everything swept under the rug with appearances being the most important thing). Sadly, I saw this continue into my own family after marriage. Once I was introduced to KYLO, everything improved in our family: my connection with my husband, my connections with my children (especially how I parented), and connections with others. We have been able to break the cycle! Hallelujah! This has recently become evident as my parents after forty years of marriage are struggling in their relationship and communication. Of course, I just referred them to Keep Your Love On, and they ordered it. Now I have hope!
—Emily Johnson, wife and mother
I have spent years looking for help for my family and our relationships. The principles of KYLO brought tremendous hope and healing into our lives. I told my family “I am not good at this, but I am determined to become good at it.” Now as my own life has changed, I am seeing my family become whole and healthy.
—Don Trail, husband, father, and businessman
Last year, our ministry went through a difficult season where relationships with a few of our young leaders fractured and blew apart. We are so thankful that The Life Academy and KYLO principles were made known to us. We immediately began a heart internship with our leaders and missionaries using these teachings. Four months in, we are blown away! We are seeing so much growth and can honestly say we are the healthiest community we have ever been. By cultivating an environment of powerful people who are choosing love over fear with a desire for connection, operating in respectful communication and healthy boundaries, we are changing the world! We are forever grateful to Danny and his KYLO Team.
—Cheryl Smith, co-founder and pastor of Eastgate House of Prayer Mission Base
About ten years ago, our family was in crisis. My wife had a breakdown, and I was at a loss for how to stay connected to God, to her, and to myself in this time. KYLO gave me the tools I needed to be a husband and father who was both empathetic and empowering. As a result, we remained connected and hopeful through this season. KYLO has literally changed my life, I can’t recommend it enough.
—Dave Hill, director of Bethel Kids, founder of HeartSmart TV, husband, and father
I feel like my wife Angie and I have always had a great marriage, but the KYLO principles have helped us take it to a deeper level. Before KYLO, I never realized how much I was choosing to love her at a safe distance because of fear, rather than pursuing the goal of connection. KYLO has given us the courage to walk the journey of setting aside our old habits and fears in order to make intimacy our target.
—Josh Haas, pastor
Keeping your love on meant learning how to love myself, set healthy boundaries, and manage “me” no matter what was happening around me. Every area of my life—my family connections, professional relationships, business and ministry—continues to be strengthened beyond what I could imagine as I practice inserting love where fear used to be. Living in love feels like freedom.
—Bernii Godwin, wife, stepmom, school social worker
The tools KYLO provided me in my life have changed the legacy of my family. Choosing love over fear means I can approach conflict to understand others, rather than force agreement. Not only that, but I now have the confidence to participate and set boundaries for respectful communication for myself and others in any situation.
—Jayden Godwin, husband, father, and founder of Rise Up Catering
The Keep Your Love On message changed not only my life but my marriage. Understanding that I have the ability to get my needs met and that God is the supplier of all my needs took the pressure off my husband and allowed us both to rely upon God, seeing each other as a way God can supply our needs not the only way. It was a game changer to realize God was not limited by our capacity; He is infinitely creative and able to meet all of our needs according to His riches and glory. This opened my husband and I up to partnering together to find solutions.
—Genesis Eakes, president and founder of Genesis Eakes International Corporation
Keep Your Love On has given me the tools to make love believable. Jesus said, “No greater love has any man that they would lay down their life for another” and KYLO teaches the practical tools to make that an active expression. My life has been so impacted, as well as the culture in my marriage, in our home, and even in our church. I’m forever grateful to have learned these powerful tools and principles.
—Katieann Browning, senior leader of Resolute Ministries
BroadStreet Publishing® Group, LLC.
Savage, Minnesota, USA
Broadstreetpublishing.com
KEEP YOUR LOVE ON 365 Daily Devotions
© 2022 by Danny Silk
978-1-4245-6394-4
978-1-4245-6395-1 (eBook)
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law.
Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (NIV) are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. www.zondervan.com. The “NIV” and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc. Scripture quotations marked (NASB) are taken from the New American Standard Bible, Copyright 2020 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are taken from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), Copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (NKJV) are taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked (TPT) are taken from The Passion Translation®. Copyright © 2020 by Passion & Fire Ministries, Inc. Used by permission of BroadStreet Publishing. All rights reserved.
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Compiled and edited by Michelle Winger | literallyprecise.com
Printed in China.
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Contents
Introduction
January
January 1: I Choose You
January 2: Verbal Reminder
January 3: His Choice
January 4: Backwards
January 5: Take Responsibility
January 6: Becoming Powerful
January 7: Language Shift
January 8: Stand Against Fear
January 9: Not a Consumer
January 10: Blame Game
January 11: Controlled Space
January 12: Role Play
January 13: Firstborn Rescuer
January 14: Need to Control
January 15: Power Play
January 16: Set the Standard
January 17: On Full Blast
January 18: No Other Options
January 19: Embrace the Day
January 20: Yes and No
January 21: Who You Are
January 22: Truth Revealed
January 23: Most Powerful Choice
January 24: Essential Understanding
January 25: Change to Thrive
January 26: Equal Responsibility
January 27: The Rightful Half
January 28: I Can and I Will
January 29: No Bad Guys
January 30: Hold Firmly
January 31: Put on Love
February
February 1: Safe Connection
February 2: Sow Generously
February 3: Crop of Love
February 4: I Love You
February 5: Steadfast Love
February 6: Keep Fervent
February 7: Physical Touch
February 8: The Right Touch
February 9: Intentional Acts
February 10: Control Freak
February 11: Token of Love
February 12: Good Gifts
February 13: Active Interest
February 14: A Quiet Place
February 15: Intent of Words
February 16: Timely Words
February 17: Full Blast
February 18: Relational Tools
February 19: A Heart Battle
February 20: You Have a Choice
February 21: Connection Goal
February 22: Greatest Commandment
February 23: How to Love
February 24: The Best You
February 25: Become Fluent
February 26: Increased Love
February 27: Reaction to Pain
February 28: Perseverance Through Pain
March
March 1: Human Instinct
March 2: Rattlesnake Relationship
March 3: Controlling Behaviors
March 4: New Tools
March 5: Comfort Zone
March 6: Different People
March 7: Response Ability
March 8: Free to Love
March 9: Not Controlled
March 10: Passionate Pursuit
March 11: Filled with Freedom
March 12: Break the Cycle
March 13: Whole Armor
March 14: No Adherence Policy
March 15: Choose a Partner
March 16: It Is Possible
March 17: Return on Investment
March 18: Best-Kept Secret
March 19: Just Say It
March 20: Best Self Forward
March 21: Adjustments
March 22: The Real Test
March 23: Battle Plan
March 24: Which Kingdom
March 25: Recruiting Destruction
March 26: The Choice
March 27: Limited Control
March 28: The Biggest Problem
March 29: Switched
March 30: I’ll Be Back
March 31: Encouraging Powerfulness
April
April 1: No Joke
April 2: Fountain of Hope
April 3: Building on Sand
April 4: One Foundation
April 5: Protected Connection
April 6: No Wedges
April 7: Conditional
April 8: Slave to Nothing
April 9: Guaranteed Choice
April 10: Seven Pillars
April 11: Pillar of Love
April 12: Love Product
April 13: What Love Is
April 14: Pillar of Honor
April 15: Pattern for Honor
April 16: Honoring Differences
April 17: Of Value
April 18: Pillar of Self-Control
April 19: Follow Through
April 20: Managing Freedom
April 21: Champion Athletes
April 22: Pillar of Responsibility
April 23: On High Alert
April 24: Confident Choice
April 25: Not Wandering
April 26: Quality of Trust
April 27: Pillar of Truth
April 28: Good Information
April 29: Managing Trust
April 30: Deepest Needs
May
May 1: Set Up
May 2: Supreme Accountability
May 3: Exchange of Truth
May 4: Pillar of Faith
May 5: Turn Your Attention
May 6: End of Yourself
May 7: Pillar of Vision
May 8: Identity and Calling
May 9: Shared Vision
May 10: Purpose to Endure
May 11: The Front Porch
May 12: Environment of Shalom
May 13: Only You
May 14: Covenant Keeper
May 15: So Different
May 16: Two Become One
May 17: Expression of Love
May 18: Pretending
May 19: The Great Hijacker
May 20: Valued and Understood
May 21: Fear Styles
May 22: Passive Communication
May 23: Living a Lie
May 24: The Passive Approach
May 25: A T-Rex
May 26: But Not Really
May 27: Mixed Messages
May 28: Chocolate Dragons
May 29: Assertive Communication
May 30: Instead
May 31: A Good Response
June
June 1: Priority of Agreement
June 2: Relationship Killer
June 3: To Understand
June 4: Radically Different
June 5: Facts and Clichés
June 6: Heart Communication
June 7: Auto Response
June 8: What You Need
June 9: Simply Ask
June 10: Be Real
June 11: Impart Understanding
June 12: Seasoned with Salt
June 13: He Hears
June 14: Unsearchable
June 15: Right Judgment
June 16: No Guessing
June 17: Both Matter
June 18: Greater Concern
June 19: In the Moment
June 20: Cultivate Honor
June 21: A Deeper Level
June 22: A Different Experience
June 23: Not the Same
June 24: It Is Good
June 25: Ability to Trust
June 26: A Trust Cycle
June 27: The Full Range
June 28: Unbroken Trust
June 29: Shine the Light
June 30: Healing Cycles
July
July 1: Worthy of Love
July 2: Start Over
July 3: Strong Bond
July 4: No Telepathy
July 5: A Necessary Expression
July 6: No Assumptions
July 7: Fuzzy Lines
July 8: Duel of Judgments
July 9: The I Message
July 10: Conversation Hijacking
July 11: True Emotions
July 12: Honoring Vulnerability
July 13: Need for Need
July 14: Paradise
July 15: Cover Up
July 16: Free Benefits
July 17: Counterfeits
July 18: A Free Choice
July 19: Scratch the Itch
July 20: Creating a Loop
July 21: Response from Heaven
July 22: Mistrust Cycle
July 23: A Specific Skill
July 24: A Revelation
July 25: Rainbow of Emotions
July 26: Feelings Connected
July 27: Good Information
July 28: Connective Conversations
July 29: Reinforced Connection
July 30: What’s at Stake
July 31: A Positive Outcome
August
August 1: Review the Goals
August 2: Second Set
August 3: Healthy and Resistant
August 4: Cord Strength
August 5: Lazy Moments
August 6: During the Calm
August 7: Tested Connections
August 8: Hold On
August 9: Major Adjustments
August 10: We Need to Talk
August 11: Classic Reaction
August 12: Red Button
August 13: Dueling Sword
August 14: Respectful Conversation
August 15: Vulnerability for Resolution
August 16: The Real Problem
August 17: Clear Messages
August 18: One Role at a Time
August 19: Jumbled Code
August 20: No Conversation
August 21: True Servant Role
August 22: Skilled Listeners
August 23: The Momentum
August 24: Fitness Plan
August 25: Choosing a Goal
August 26: Connection Strength
August 27: Handle with Care
August 28: Real Conversations
August 29: Bad Timing
August 30: Adjust and Serve
August 31: Kind of Success
September
September 1: Walking in the Light
September 2: Healthy Boundaries
September 3: Panic Attack
September 4: Pattern for Life
September 5: Innermost Circle
September 6: Deepest Soul Tie
September 7: Outer Circles
September 8: Moved Out
September 9: Level of Attention
September 10: Do Not Disturb
September 11: Limited Resources
September 12: Within Your Boundaries
September 13: He Said No
September 14: One Big Yes
September 15: An Empowering Yes
September 16: In The Right Spot
September 17: No Competition
September 18: Using the Tests
September 19: Highest Value
September 20: Highway House
September 21: Natural Filter
September 22: Room for One
September 23: Scary People
September 24: Temporary Shift
September 25: Communicating Value
September 26: Vandals and Thieves
September 27: On the Way to Yes
September 28: Protect Your Yes
September 29: A Good Christian
September 30: The Bigger Yes
October
October 1: Offering or Robbery
October 2: Healthy Balance
October 3: Handling Offense
October 4: Back in Place
October 5: Push a Button
October 6: Require Respect
October 7: Exhilarating Journey
October 8: Love Messages
October 9: Garden to Tend
October 10: First Things First
October 11: You First
October 12: Shared Fruit
October 13: Making It Flourish
October 14: Cultivate the Garden
October 15: Garden Consumers
October 16: Seagulls
October 17: Type of Boundary
October 18: Exploitation
October 19: Pecked Clean
October 20: Pushing Bruises
October 21: Setting Limits
October 22: Offensive Boundaries
October 23: Danger Zone
October 24: Respect the Line
October 25: Codependency
October 26: Standard of Respect
October 27: Bold Statements
October 28: Powerful Choices
October 29: Capable of No
October 30: Weight of Words
October 31: Leave the Room
November
November 1: Set a Standard
November 2: A Misconception
November 3: Moving On
November 4: Stay Strong
November 5: Common Knowledge
November 6: The Mirage
November 7: The Same Boundary
November 8: Maintain Control
November 9: Truck Mentality
November 10: Assign Value
November 11: Me Not You
November 12: Actions Speak Louder
November 13: Building Trust
November 14: The Gospel
November 15: Propitiation
November 16: Accepted
November 17: Illusions
November 18: Hidden in Darkness
November 19: The Mess
November 20: A Brilliant Plan
November 21: Like He Loves
November 22: Gifted for Love
November 23: Free and Unafraid
November 24: Heart to Heart
November 25: Leading in Love
November 26: A Bigger Heart
November 27: So the World Sees
November 28: Powerful Declarations
November 29: Say It Believe It
November 30: Different Standards
December
December 1: Choosing Crazy
December 2: Love Bigger
December 3: Reflection of Love
December 4: The Battle
December 5: Unmasking Fear
December 6: Goal of Connection
December 7: Responsibility of Respect
December 8: Spiritual Awareness
December 9: Emotional Awareness
December 10: Pandemic
December 11: Chaotic Tide
December 12: Honor, Not Harmony
December 13: Recovered Valuables
December 14: Relational Legacy
December 15: Good Tools
December 16: Refusing to Quit
December 17: A Delicious Harvest
December 18: Beyond You
December 19: Ask, Seek, Knock
December 20: Love Transfer
December 21: Foundation for Love
December 22: Managing Me
December 23: Keep the Flow
December 24: Respectful Interaction
December 25: God’s Gift
December 26: Protecting Vital Pieces
December 27: Unforgiveness Monster
December 28: Behavior of Covenant
December 29: Remembered Forever
December 30: Activating Love
December 31: Yes and Amen
“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.”
JOHN 15:12 NIV
INTRODUCTION
Relationships are vital to becoming a whole person. I wrote Keep Your Love On to help people build, strengthen, and heal their relational connections. This has been my personal mission statement for the last twenty years.
As a husband, father, foster parent, group home staff member, social worker, program director, group facilitator, pastor, author, speaker, or leader, my goal has remained the same—I am alive to help people connect and stay connected.
Keep Your Love On (KYLO) is a mindset. It is a heart condition. It’s something no one can make you do, and no one can keep you from doing. It is a force with a life of its own. Once this force begins to build momentum in your life, you will be able to love fully and do just about anything in life. Keeping your love on creates fearlessness and deep vulnerability.
The goal of life-long love is something everyone desires. It is the hope of every young couple who gaze into each other’s eyes and believe that this is “The One.” It is the commitment young parents make when they look into the innocent face of their first child. However, quality love relationships do not happen by accident. Real love is built the old-fashioned way—through hard work. And if you learn to manage the very best of who you are, the all-elusive intimacy experience you crave will be well within your grasp.
This devotional includes quick daily readings, thought-provoking questions, and Scriptures that help reinforce the three basic principles of the KYLO book—connecting, communicating, and setting boundaries.
I pray that you will continue to find hope and healing on your journey. I am grateful that you are among those who are learning how to love well.
Peace,
Danny
JANUARY 1
I CHOOSE YOU
“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit.”
JOHN 15:16 NIV
When you said your vows at your wedding ceremony, you may not have understood the significance of what you were saying. You probably had no idea what you were signing up for. At the time, the choice may have seemed easy or even fun, but when your journey carries you into difficult situations, choosing your spouse can become the test of a lifetime.
You have chosen to be committed to someone for life. You will be challenged and invited to hold to that choice again and again. Today, as you focus on your relationship with your spouse, speak these words of devotion to each other: “I choose you.”
Jesus, please help us to choose each other each day through all the challenges and tests. We want to bear good fruit as we choose love in our relationship.
How can you make the foundation of your relationship with your spouse an “I choose you” relationship?
JANUARY 2
VERBAL REMINDER
I will not be negligent to remind you always of these things, though you know and are established in the present truth.
2 PETER 1:12 NKJV
It is good to remind yourself of the choice you made on your wedding day. When you confirm your desire to stick with that choice, you help ease anxiety and establish instead the comfort, affection, and security necessary to remain connected. You show your spouse that you are continuing to choose them even when things are rough.
It is normal to wrestle with the commitment to that choice. You won’t always get it right, but a constant verbal reminder will help you hold fast to each other and keep you accountable before one another and before God. It ultimately teaches you how to keep your love on.
Heavenly Father, we choose to be accountable to You with our choices. We want to lessen the anxiety in our relationship and be a source of comfort and affection for each other. Help us to stay committed to our choice of love.
What can you do to remind your spouse of your choice today?
JANUARY 3
HIS CHOICE
God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.
ROMANS 5:8 NLT
The foundation of true, lasting relationships is the commitment to choose love. This is how God has drawn you into relationship with Himself. He chose you in the most difficult of circumstances—while you were still in sin, when you were His enemy.
God’s side of the relationship does not depend upon your choice, but entirely upon His. You have to learn how to build your relationship with Him and others upon the foundation of your choice. You can’t just love each other when it is easy. You choose to love through the challenges.
God, thank You for showing us the depth of Your love when You sent Your Son to die for us. You chose to love us when we were still sinners. Help us to love each other even when we are struggling in our relationship.
How can you build your relationship with God and with your spouse on the foundation of your choice?
JANUARY 4
BACKWARDS
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
ROMANS 12:10 NIV
You are headed for trouble if you try to build your relationship on a “you chose me” basis. It is natural instinct to like people who like you and to choose people who choose you. But if all your relationships are based solely on your natural impulse to return liking for liking, you will have problems. What happens when you no longer like someone?
Liking is conditional, and it changes. If the condition for your relationship is “You chose me” instead of “I choose you,” the relationship is doomed to change and will probably collapse as soon as the liking goes away. Make it your mission to continue to choose each other, so that when liking is lacking, your relationship remains intact.
Jesus, Your devotion to us is unmatched. Help us continue to choose each other and honor each other even when we are finding it difficult to like each other. Show us how to draw from Your example of devoted love.
How can you turn your relationship from “you chose me” to “I choose you” today?
JANUARY 5
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 CORINTHIANS 13:7 NIV
A healthy, lasting relationship is built between two people who choose each other and take full responsibility for that choice. At the altar, you took responsibility for your part in the relationship. You committed to loving your spouse for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and health, to love and to cherish, as long as you live. You didn’t stand and proclaim what your spouse would do for you.
Your choice for each other is based on who you are, what you want, and what you are committed to doing. Take responsibility today to love, to serve, to protect, and to be faithful to each other no matter what.
God, always seems like an impossible word. Only Your love can always protect, trust, hope, and persevere. Help us to focus on ourselves and not on our spouses as we take individual responsibility for loving like You love.
What does taking responsibility in your choice to love your spouse look like to you?
JANUARY 6
BECOMING POWERFUL
We are each responsible for our own conduct.
GALATIANS 6:5 NLT
In order to be able to make and keep commitments to enduring, intimate relationships, you need to be powerful. Powerful people take responsibility for their lives. Were you taught how to be responsible for your choices? A lot of people weren’t. They don’t know that they can be powerful, or even that they should be.
To build healthy relationships with your spouse and others, you have to become powerful. You need to choose who you want to be with, what you are going to pursue in life, and how you are going to go after it. And you need to take responsibility for each of those decisions when they are made.
God, show us what it means to be powerful in our relationship with each other. We need You to give us wisdom and strength to make decisions that are honoring to You and to our relationship.
How can you become more powerful in your relationships?
JANUARY 7
LANGUAGE SHIFT
I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
PHILIPPIANS 4:13 NLT
I can’t. I have to. When you use these phrases, it reveals a powerless mindset. It is as if you are saying the decision is being made by someone other than you, and you have no choice in the matter. You are reluctant to take responsibility for the decision, so it feels better to say that someone or something else is making you act.
If you are powerless, you might also catch yourself saying, “I’ll try…” just in case you don’t come through on a commitment or promise. Change your language that is rooted in powerlessness and believe that you have the power to manage yourself.
Jesus, You have given us the strength to do everything You ask of us. You can help us change our powerless mindset into a powerful one and give us the ability to manage ourselves. Help our language to be full of confidence and ability.
What powerless language do you find yourself using? What can you do to shift it?
JANUARY 8
STAND AGAINST FEAR
I prayed to the LORD, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears.
PSALM 34:4 NLT
When you are powerless, you believe that most things and people in the world are more powerful than you are, and that is scary. Anxiety becomes your defining, driving force, and you feel as if life is out of your control. Powerless people have a deep need to suppress their abiding fear—fear of loss, pain, death, abandonment, and more.
If you think you don’t have the power to deal with your fear, then your only hope is to persuade other people to do it for you. You rely on them sharing their power with you because you feel like you don’t have any of your own. When you take a stand against fear, you stop trying to manipulate and control others, and you take responsibility for making yourself feel safe and happy.
Jesus, we are not powerless people. You have freed us from all our fears, and You are in control of every situation life brings. We say today that we will not be afraid. We resist the urge to manipulate and control others. In You, we will find our safety and our happiness.
What fears do you need to take a stand against today?
JANUARY 9
NOT A CONSUMER
“Whatever you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive it all.”
MATTHEW 21:22 NASB
Have you ever wanted to be with someone just because you want some of their happiness to rub off on you? It’s not uncommon to want this; however, you have to be careful that you don’t become consumers, sucking the happiness out of people until they are left dry.
The same can be said for resources of love, joy, and comfort. If you don’t have those yourself, you tend to look for them in others. But you will never be satisfied unless you get what you need from God. He can give you your own supply of the resources you see and desire in others. All you have to do is ask!
God, we know the only place to find true happiness is in You. Help us to be satisfied by Your love, joy, and peace. Thank You for those around us who have an abundance of these resources. Teach us to learn from them instead of trying to take from them.
How have you been approaching your relationship as a consumer? What can you do to change that?
JANUARY 10
BLAME GAME
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
1 JOHN 1:9 NIV
It is hard to admit when you are wrong. Most people don’t like to take responsibility for their poor choices or the consequences that came out of making them. Powerless people often blame the messes they make on other people. The reason their life, marriage, child, finances, job, or whatever is the way it is has nothing to do with their choices. In their minds, someone else created the life they’re living.
You have the power to create your own life. It starts with taking responsibility for your choices. When you fail, ask God and others for forgiveness, admitting you were wrong and moving forward in grace.
God, please forgive us for the messes we have made in our relationship. Thank You for being faithful to forgive us and cleanse us. Help us to make good choices and move forward in grace and forgiveness.
Do you need to ask for forgiveness for a poor choice? Do that today and press on!
JANUARY 11
CONTROLLED SPACE
The LORD is my strength and my shield; in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; my heart exults, and with my song I give thanks to him.
PSALM 28:7 ESV
If you live in an anxiety-driven environment, take a close look at who is controlling your space. Powerless people create a thin veneer of safety and calm that covers underlying currents of control and intimidation. Those who enter their atmosphere quickly learn to shape up and go with the program—until it dawns on them that they will never be safe to be themselves.
When you are confronted with this realization, you have a couple different options. You can stay in the anxiety and submit to the control of the powerless people, or you can move. Sometimes you choose to stay because it feels safe, but the same protection that shields you from “scary” people prevents you from developing intimate connections with safe people. You can trust God to show you the way to peace. It might require stepping out of what feels comfortable, but it will be worth it.
Lord Jesus, we trust You to take care of us and show us the path to peace. We want to follow You out of anxiety and into a safe environment where we can both thrive.
Does fear of relationship keep you stuck in an anxiety-driven environment? How can you create a different atmosphere?
JANUARY 12
ROLE PLAY
Trust in the LORD and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper.
PSALM 37:3 NLT
The classic relational dynamic created by powerless people is called triangulation. When you believe that other people are scary, unsafe, and more powerful than you are, and when you think you need to get them to meet your needs, then you have three possible roles to play in a relationship: the victim, the bad guy, or the rescuer.
If you’re the victim, you look for a rescuer to make you feel safe and happy. If you’re the bad guy, you use control and intimidation to protect yourself or get someone to meet your needs. If you’re a rescuer, you take responsibility for someone else’s life in an attempt to feel powerful. None of these are the roles you are destined for. God has so much better for you. He is your strength and your provider. Go to Him with your needs.
God, help us not to play roles we are not supposed to play. We want to be powerful. We trust You with our needs and believe that You want the best for us as individuals and for our relationship.
Can you see yourself operating in any of these roles? How can you change?
JANUARY 13
FIRSTBORN RESCUER
Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
1 THESSALONIANS 5:11 NIV
If you or your spouse is a firstborn child (in any sense), you may be a prime candidate for the rescuer role. Firstborns are often trained from the time they are little to take care of people who are less powerful. You may have been asked to pick up after younger siblings, watch them at the park, or help keep them out of trouble.
Rescuing people from themselves and taking responsibility for their lives is a familiar role, and it feels like love. But it actually can create unhealthy codependence. You need to develop the ability to say no to taking on others’ responsibilities, so you don’t end up exerting your power over others. You can empower them to become powerful people themselves when you encourage them to take the responsibility that is rightfully theirs.
Jesus, help us to encourage everyone around us to become powerful. We don’t want to take on responsibilities that don’t belong to us. Teach us how to say no to unhealthy habits.
Do you see yourself as being prone to rescuing? How can you turn this around and empower people instead?
JANUARY 14
NEED TO CONTROL
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.
ISAIAH 26:3 NIV
Do either of you feel like you live in a perpetual state of anxiety? This can lead to you feeling like you always need to be in control. When you add someone to your life, you become increasingly anxious because now you feel the need to control that person as well. You may feel threatened if your spouse makes their own decisions.
When you become a powerful person, you allow both parties in a relationship to make their own decisions and take responsibility for them. Your marriage will benefit greatly from this. You will begin to feel safe in the relationship and come to understand that your spouse’s love for you is freely offered, not coerced in any way.
God, it is difficult not to want to control each other. Help us to understand the importance of letting each person take responsibility for themselves. We want to have a healthy marriage where we both feel safe and where anxiety cannot dwell.
How does the need for control hinder a relationship?
JANUARY 15
POWER PLAY
Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it.
PSALM 34:14 NLT
If your relational bond is built on mutual control, it simply cannot produce anything remotely like safety, love, or trust. It can only produce more fear, pain, distrust, punishment, and misery. While you may hope your relationship will be defined by happiness and security, the reality is when you and your spouse try to exercise control over each other, you both just become miserable.
You might find yourselves using various tactics, such as getting upset, withdrawing, nagging, ridiculing, pouting, crying, or getting angry to pressure, manipulate, and punish one another into keeping the power play going. Anxiety escalates and neither of you actually ends up feeling powerful at all. To create an environment of love and safety that isn’t tenuous or fleeting, you both must recognize your need for control and submit it to God.
Father, help us to search for peace and to put in the work required to maintain it. We want love to be the driving force in our marriage. Help us to let go of our control and hand the reins to You.
Do you feel like you are engaged in a power play with each other? How can you create an atmosphere of security?
JANUARY 16
SET THE STANDARD
A servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth.
2 TIMOTHY 2:24-25 NLT
When you think of someone as being powerful, do you imagine they are loud, overbearing, or commanding? Would it surprise you to know that a controlling, dominating person is the very opposite of a powerful person? Powerful people do not try to control other people. They know it doesn’t work, and that it’s not their job. They understand that their job is to control themselves.
Operating in a powerful manner means you can consciously and deliberately create the environment in which you want to live. You don’t try to get people to respect you; you create a respectful environment by showing respect. You deliberately set the standard for how you expect to be treated by the way you treat others. When you consistently act in responsible, respectful, and loving ways, it becomes clear that the only people who can get close to you are those who know how to show respect, be responsible, and love well.
Jesus, help us to be respectful in the way we treat each other. We want to set a standard of honor and respect in our home.
How can you begin to create an environment of respect in your home?
JANUARY 17
ON FULL BLAST
Be supernaturally infused with strength through your lifeunion with the Lord Jesus. Stand victorious with the force of his explosive power flowing in and through you.
EPHESIANS 6:10 TPT
Life does not happen to powerful people. Powerful people are happening—they are happening all the time. They are like a hose that is on full blast in the middle of a mud puddle. The mud does not go up into the hose and contaminate it. Powerful people are not affected or infected by their environment. They refuse to be victims of others, and they do not try to control other people.
In a good marriage relationship, both individuals are powerful people. They don’t need to control each other, and they don’t play the victim or allow themselves to become the victim. Learn how to be hoses on full blast that operate in sync instead of fighting against each other. Wash the mud of bad habits away!
Jesus, You give us supernatural strength to stand victoriously and take life by the horns. We choose today not to be victims who are affected and controlled by our environment. Help us to stand and fight for our relationship together.
What can you do to help each other become hoses on full blast?
JANUARY 18
NO OTHER OPTIONS
Every child of God overcomes the world, for our faith is the victorious power that triumphs over the world. So who are the world conquerors, defeating its power? Those who believe that Jesus is the Son of God.
1 JOHN 5:4-5 TPT
Powerful people require others to be powerful around them. When you encounter a powerless person, don’t be tempted to dive into their problem. Listen to their sob story and ask, “What are you going to do about that? What have you tried? What else could you try?” These questions confront powerless people with their responsibility and their capacity to make choices and control themselves.
The only options you want to offer powerless people is to become powerful, make choices, and control themselves. When someone fails to get you to offer any additional help, they will either change and begin living powerfully, or they will find someone else to dump on. Be strong and encourage others to do the same!
Father, thank You for giving us the power to overcome the ways of the world and to control ourselves. Help us to ask the right questions in the right moments. We want to make our own choices and take responsibility for them.
Is there someone in your relational sphere who needs you to encourage them to live powerfully?
JANUARY 19
EMBRACE THE DAY
This is the day the LORD has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.
PSALM 118:24 NLT
You can choose the kind of day you will have. There is nothing saying that you have to relegate yourself to reacting to whatever goes on around you. You can take responsibility for your decisions and the consequences of those decisions—even your mistakes and failures. You can respond to today and create your tomorrows.
Don’t just hope for a good day. Don’t hope people will be nice to you. Don’t hope for respect. Choose it all. You will have a good day because you are a powerful person. You have a vision for your life, and you can use the situations of the day, whether positive or negative, to direct yourself toward that vision.
Jesus, thank You for today. Thank You for another opportunity to choose to have a good day. We are so grateful for life and for love. Thank You for the grace to learn from our mistakes and choose differently next time. You are so good, and because of that alone, we can rejoice in this day.
How can you and your spouse encourage each other to embrace each day with faith?
JANUARY 20
YES AND NO
“Just say a simple, ‘Yes, I will,’ or ‘No, I won’t.’ Anything beyond this is from the evil one.”
MATTHEW 5:37 NLT
Popular opinion or the pressure of others does not need to sway your language or decisions. To operate in a position of power, know what you want and communicate your desires. Say, “I will. I do. I am.” Use yes and no answers and stick to them. When others try to manipulate, charm, or threaten you, be firm. Don’t change your mind.
A powerful person’s choice to love will stand, no matter what others do or say. When powerful people say, “I love you,” there’s nothing that can stop them. Their love is not dependent on being loved in return. It is dependent on their powerful ability to say yes and carry out that decision. Become powerful in order to protect your love from external forces including other people.
God, it can be very difficult to stick with our commitments when pressures abound. Thank You for giving us strength to carry out what we have said we will do. Help us to protect our relationship from destructive forces. We choose to continue in love.
What can you do to say yes to loving your spouse today?
JANUARY 21
WHO YOU ARE
O LORD, you have searched me and known me.
PSALM 139:1 ESV
Can you be who you say you are on a consistent basis? When you know how to be yourself and are comfortable with it, you invite those around you to be themselves as well. Only powerful people can create a safe place to know and be known intimately. They say, “I can be me around you and you can be you around me.”
You and your spouse don’t need to control each other, nor should you want to. You can have a mutual agreement of respect and honor in which you both work to protect your connection. You stay tied together by the strength of the love you have built, not by the illusion that you can control each other or that either of you need a rescuer.
Creator God, thank You that You know each of us so intimately. Help us to be authentic before You and with each other. We want to honor and respect each other, living in a way that protects and builds our connection.
How can you invite each other to be yourselves?
JANUARY 22
TRUTH REVEALED
Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
PSALM 25:5 NIV
Sometimes people experience difficult situations that can start a cycle of victimization. If you continue to recreate this victimized reality, it will stop you from pursuing being powerful. No matter where you go or what happens to you, you will identify yourself as a victim. You can repent from falling into this lifestyle that creates powerlessness.
Repenting means changing the way you think. First, you need to identify the lies you believe and the influence those lies have in your life. Once you identify the lies, renounce them, and break your agreement with them. Then ask the Holy Spirit to reveal the truth.
In the name of Jesus, we renounce these lies. We nail them to the cross of Jesus Christ and send it away from us, never to return again. Holy Spirit, what truth would You like to give us in place of those lies? Show us today.
Rebuke the lies you have believed and ask the Holy Spirit to give you truth in their place. Write down the words of truth that He speaks to you.
JANUARY 23
MOST POWERFUL CHOICE
We love, because He first loved us.
1 JOHN 4:19 NASB
Often lies become deeply rooted in a person’s core, requiring consistent work to dig them out and replace them with the truth. If you grew up in an abusive, powerless environment, you might need someone who can help you identify and renounce those lies. No matter what, know that every step on the journey to getting free and being a powerful person is worth it. Choosing to say yes to a life of responsibility and wholeness will be one filled with adventure and joy.
Do not let powerlessness and a victim mentality steal from you any longer. You are a powerful person who can make powerful decisions. And more importantly, you are a powerful person who can choose to love because God chose to love you. Choosing to love is the most powerful choice you could ever make and is more rewarding than you could ever imagine.
God, thank You for choosing to love us. We can only love You and each other because You showed us what it means to love. Help us to see the lies that have held us back and show us the truth instead.
How can you choose the most powerful choice today?
JANUARY 24
ESSENTIAL UNDERSTANDING
If it is true that I have gone astray, my error remains my concern alone.
JOB 19:4 NIV
One of the essentials to having a healthy relationship is understanding that you both can be powerful, responsible people. As long as you both engage that, you will have much more success at creating one of the basic functions of a relationship: to connect with each other.
When one or both of you step away from being powerful, you give yourself permission to be irresponsible. You begin to shift responsibility to somebody else. But when you choose to love each other, each person manages their own side of the relationship, and that forms the bond. Don’t let powerlessness create a dynamic that undermines your relationship. Choose to remain powerful together.
God, help us to choose love for each other and be responsible for ourselves. We want to be powerful together in You. Thank You that You want us to be successful in connecting with each other and in building our relationship.
