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- Herausgeber: FINN Books Edition FireFly
- Kategorie: Gesellschafts- und Liebesromane
- Sprache: Englisch
- Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2024
17-year-old Lilli is shy and reserved and doesn't get much attention at school. Completely different from her best friend of the same age. Nicole is popular, confident and always up for fun. When Nicole persuades Lilli to go to a party where weed is consumed, Lilli meets 20-year-old Dylan. He is handsome, strong and well built. Lilli immediately falls under his spell. But the young relationship seems to have a bad star. Without Lilli noticing, she falls deeper and deeper into a swamp of drugs, alcohol, humiliation and psychological violence... The gripping thriller written by Elias J. Connor tells an incredible, exciting and oppressive story that is based on facts. A social drama that is not for the faint of heart.
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Elias J. Connor
Lost soul
Inhaltsverzeichnis
Dedication
Prologue – Let the right one in
Chapter 1 - Girlfriends
Chapter 2 - The stranger
Chapter 3 - First caresses
Chapter 4 - House party
Chapter 5 - Nothing is sacred anymore
Chapter 6 - Looking for regret
Chapter 7 - Desperate night
Chapter 8 - The letter
Chapter 9 - Forgiveness
Chapter 10 - Full of roses
Chapter 11 - The birthday
Chapter 12 - Desperate search
Chapter 13 - Waking up
Chapter 14 - Self-reproach
Chapter 15 - The party
Chapter 16 - The slap in the face
Chapter 17 - When there's nothing else
Chapter 18 - In the milieu
Chapter 19 - The protector
Chapter 20 - A fateful night
Chapter 21 - Alone in nowhere
Chapter 22 - Lilli's revenge
Chapter 23 - New beginnings
Chapter 24 - True love
About the author Elias J. Connor
Impressum
Dedication
For Jana.
My partner, muse, companion.
Thank you for existing.
Prologue – Let the right one in
The rain falls in fine, creeping veils, and the dim light of the street lamps sinks into the impenetrable clouds of fog. The gloomy silhouettes of abandoned factory buildings stretch into the night, their once shiny windows now dim and marked by time. The metallic clatter that once filled the hall has fallen silent, replaced by the eerie dripping of rain on rusty roofs.
The streets are deserted, only occasionally lit by the ghostly flickering of a broken lantern. The wind creeps through the narrow streets and carries with it the quiet whine of the industrial area. Puddles reflect the dim light as they are torn up by more rain, an echo of impermanence stretching across the ground.
Individual shadows flit past, lost in this dreariness. The smell of spent oil and mold hangs in the air as the rain falls incessantly, a monotonous beat that heightens the melancholy. Night seems to have settled into the old walls, a silent witness to days gone by, while the industrial area slumbers in its solitude.
A young woman, little more than a girl, leans against the damp wall, her body shaking in the icy wind. Her gaze, fixed and empty, seems to be directed into the void, as if she were searching for something unattainable.
The darkness envelops her like an impenetrable veil while the rain plays around her figure. Her breath forms small clouds of mist in front of her mouth, a silent accompaniment to her lonely waiting. Cold drops penetrate her clothing, wetting her skin and leaving a chill that chills her to the core.
She stands there, left alone from the world, the surroundings filled with an eerie silence. A feeling of abandonment permeates her soul as she seems to be waiting for someone or something specific. The noise of the past echoes in the ruins of the industrial area, but for them it is only an ominous backdrop to their own silence.
The minutes tick by as she continues to linger against the wall, her heartbeat in tune with the drumming of the rain. Her face, soaked by the rain, shows no emotion, only a silent loneliness that has settled in her core. It seems that this night she is waiting not only for a person, but also for a release from her own coldness and forlornness.
“Hey,” an icy voice suddenly calls through the night.
The young woman turns around in shock and then looks a dark figure in the eyes. The young man is perhaps 20 years old, his gaze is dark and the grin he wears on his lips seems demonic.
“I didn’t think you would really dare to come,” he says in a deep, sonorous voice.
She looks at him motionless. Her mouth is open, her lips tremble slightly. She looks seriously into his large, dark eyes. She should be scared, but right now she may be braver and more determined than ever.
“What is it?” the man asks when she says nothing and no words come out of her lips.
The young woman's body is still shaking.
“Why did you summon me here?” the man asks. He seems annoyed, almost strained.
“Are you alone?” the young woman asks the man.
The dark man looks around.
“Who knows?” he says laconically.
“I’m not afraid anymore,” the woman says, each word forming a small cloud in front of her face.
"What is? “What do you want to tell me,” the man presses the girl.
She takes a step towards him and looks at him as if she were two meters above him.
“What you did to me,” the woman then begins to say quietly, “did you do that to other women too? Did other girls have to suffer the way I suffered from you?”
The man laughs.
“Why do you care?” he asks.
“Tell me,” the woman shouts at him. “Tell me if you’ve done this to others.”
The man almost wants to leave. But then the young woman storms towards him and pokes him in the side. The man suddenly turns back to her.
“I asked you something,” she screams again.
“Listen,” the man says. “I have no time or desire for this kind of kindergarten nonsense. Fuck off, you bitch.”
The girl is about to say something, tears rolling down her cheeks, when suddenly five or six men - each of them even more gloomy and dark than the sinister man - appear out of nowhere from behind the wall. Together they surround the woman, who is shaking from the cold.
“Well, aren’t you still scared?” the man wants to know, while his colleagues look silent and serious.
“Is that your style?” asks the woman. “You treated me like dirt, used me, pushed me away and mistreated me. Is this how you treat girls?”
The man comes closer to the woman, but he makes no move to answer her question.
“Pretty cheeky lip, for standing here alone with a few dark figures”; he states.
Suddenly he seems to give a signal to his friends, and they then start pushing the young, helpless woman around.
She cries, but still tries to defend herself.
A few of the friends then hold the woman.
“Take them off”; the man then suddenly says. “I want to see her dancing naked.”
One of the friends then rips the woman's jacket off and another tries to pull down her pants.
The helpless girl kicks her feet towards the men, but it seems she can't stand against them. When she is held by the arm by three of the men, they have her in trouble.
“And now?” says the man as he pushes up the woman’s sweater. "What is? Do you want one last fuck?”
The woman cries defenselessly.
The man tears at the zipper of her pants until he can get it open. The young woman doesn't seem to be able to do anything. She cries helplessly. She can only see the gloomy man's malicious face blurred through her tears, but she senses that the man is getting closer to her.
“You want it that way,” he says with a broad grin.
Suddenly the young woman pushes away all three strange men who are holding her. With a kick to the shin, she frees her right arm from the one who has put her through the wringer.
Without thinking, she reaches into her bag. She takes something out and then resolutely confronts the dark man.
“You’ll never do something like that with a girl again,” she says firmly.
You then see what the young woman is holding in her hand. It's a knife. And just as the man is about to throw her to the ground, she raises her arm and quickly rams the knife into his stomach.
The dark man falls to the ground. He lies there, wheezing, doubled over in pain.
Actually, his friends could have helped him. The woman stabbed him, without caring what her friends or the dark man did to her, without fear, without emotion. She stabbed him and now he lies there, defenseless and injured.
The dark man's friends run away and scatter to the four winds.
In the distance you can already see the flickering light of a police car approaching this gloomy, dark scene, bathing the deserted corner of the industrial area in a flickering blue light.
“You will never do what you did to me to anyone again,” the young woman whispers quietly.
Chapter 1 - Girlfriends
The dim light from the street lamps casts a dim light on the cobblestone path as Lilli and Nicole walk side by side. The clatter of their footsteps is swallowed up by the night's silence. The sky is clear and the stars shine brightly overhead.
Nicole lets her gaze wander over the house facades while Lilli walks silently next to her. The two 17-year-old friends couldn't be more different. Nicole, with her shoulder-length, shiny hair and confident demeanor, is well-liked at school. Lilli, on the other hand, with her shy looks and inconspicuous appearance, often gets lost in the crowd.
“Why are you so quiet, Lilli?” asks Nicole. Her voice cuts through the silence. Lilli flinches and looks down.
“I don’t know,” she murmurs quietly. “Sometimes I just feel invisible.”
Nicole stops and turns to her friend.
"Invisible? You are not invisible, Lilli. You’re just being quiet.”
Lilli looks at Nicole uncertainly, as if she couldn't believe what her friend was saying. Nicole puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
“Look, Lilli. You are great just the way you are. But maybe you could act a little more confident. People don’t know how great you are because you often stay in the background.”
Lilli nods slowly, but the expression in her eyes remains doubtful. Nicole thinks for a moment before she has an idea.
“How about we work on this together? You and me. Tomorrow is a new day and we could do something together.”
Lilli's look becomes curious.
“What do you suggest?”
Nicole grins.
“How about a little shopping trip? We’ll find you a great outfit that highlights your personality.”
Lilli thinks for a moment, then nods hesitantly.
“Okay, why not.”
The two girls continue on their way, this time with a more animated conversation. Nicole talks about the latest rumors at school while Lilli listens carefully. The uncertainty in Lilli's eyes seems to have disappeared a little.
The next day the friends head to the shopping center. Nicole has a clear idea of how Lilli should present herself. They browse through the shops until they finally find themselves in front of a chic clothing store.
“We have to get in here,” says Nicole enthusiastically.
Lilli looks at the elegant dresses in the shop window and swallows nervously. Nicole notices her uncertainty and smiles encouragingly.
“Don’t worry, Lilli. We’ll find something that’s perfect for you.”
The two enter the store and Nicole immediately grabs a few dresses from the racks. She pushes the clothes into Lilli's hands and pushes her into the changing room.
“Try them on!” Nicole shouts enthusiastically.
Lilli hesitates for a moment before retreating into the cabin. Nicole waits impatiently in front of the curtain. After a few minutes the door opens and Lilli hesitantly steps out.
Nicole can see a sparkle in her friend's eyes. The dress fits Lilli perfectly - it is very elegant and emphasizes the figure.
“You look fantastic, Lilli!” Nicole exclaims enthusiastically. “The dress really highlights your natural beauty.”
Lilli smiles shyly, but there is a hint of pride in her eyes.
Nicole reaches for Lilli's hand.
“Come on, we’re looking for some accessories. You’ll rock the school tomorrow, I promise.”
The two browse the store for matching shoes, jewelry and a handbag. Nicole gives her friend tips on self-presentation and encourages her not to hide.
“Tomorrow will be a new day, Lilli. “You’ll see how things can change,” Nicole says as they leave the store.
The next morning, Lilli and Nicole enter the school together. Lilli wears her new outfit with a new, confident attitude. The other students turn around and cast admiring glances at the two friends.
Nicole feels Lilli snuggled up against her side and smiles proudly. In the first lesson, Lilli doesn't sit in the back corner as usual, but instead looks for a place in the middle of the classroom.
When the teacher asks a question, Lilli timidly raises her hand. The other students look at her in surprise when she gives the correct answer. Nicole watches the action with a smile.
During the break, the two girls talk to some classmates, and Lilli receives many admiring glances. Nicole notices how her friend is gradually opening up and gaining self-confidence. She looks at the event with satisfaction, appreciating her friend with a proud look.
In the evening, when they head back home, both are tired but happy. Nicole suggests staying overnight at Lilli's.
“I’m so proud of you, Lilli. “You showed what you’re made of today,” says Nicole as they sit down on Lilli’s bed.
Lilli smiles gratefully.
“Thank you, Nicole. I would never have been able to do this on my own.”
The two friends talk for a long time about the day, laugh and share their thoughts. Finally Lilli gets serious.
“You know, Nicole, I've always admired how confident and popular you are. But now I understand that it's not just about that. It’s about standing up for yourself and not hiding.”
Nicole nods in agreement.
“Exactly, Lilli. Everyone is unique in their own way. You don’t have to be like me, you just have to be yourself.”
Lilli smiles thoughtfully.
"I'll try it."
The two friends snuggle up in the blankets and fall asleep, side by side, ready for new adventures and challenges that life may bring.
The morning awakens with a soft light filtering through the curtains of Lilli's bedroom. The birds are chirping happily outside the window and the world seems perfect at this moment. Lilli and her friend Nicole lie excitedly in their beds. The two 17-year-old girls treated themselves to a sleepover party to properly celebrate the day off from school.
Lilli sleepily rubs her eyes and yawns heartily.
“Good morning, Nicole,” she murmurs and stretches extensively.
Nicole smiles mischievously and looks at the clock.
“Good morning, Lilly! Did you sleep well?"
Nicole sits up and begins to tie her long brown hair into a loose braid.
Lilli nods and sits up too.
"Yes totally. What are your plans for today?"
Nicole grins and pulls a small bag out of her bag.
“I was thinking about how I could help you loosen up a little.”
Lilli raises an eyebrow.
“Looser? What do you think?"
Nicole rummages through the bag and finally pulls out a joint. Lilli's eyes widen in surprise.
“You smoke weed?” she asks incredulously.
Nicole nods calmly and starts rolling the joint.
"Yes, sometimes. It helps me de-stress and relax.”
Lilli watches with fascination as Nicole cleverly wraps the paper around the grass.
“But isn’t that illegal?”
Nicole shrugs and lights the joint. The sweet smell of cannabis fills the room.
“Well, yes, yes. But I only do it every now and then and I have everything under control. It’s not as bad as people think.”
Lilli stares at the burning joint and hesitates.
“I don’t know, Nicole. That's not for me."
Nicole takes a drag and offers the joint to Lilli. “Come on, try it. It will be good for you. You don’t have to become a stoner right away, but maybe it will help you have a little more fun and not stress out all the time.”
Lilli bites her lip and looks at the joint uncertainly.
After a short pause, she finally takes it and eyes it skeptically.
“Well then,” says Nicole and gives her an encouraging wink. “We can take it slowly. And if you don’t like it, that’s okay too.”
Lilli hesitates, but finally puts the joint in her mouth and takes a careful drag. The smoke tickles her throat and she coughs slightly.
“Relax,” Nicole says with a laugh and pats Lilli on the back. “You’ll like it, you’ll see.”
The two girls sit on the bed and let the time pass. Lilli feels a soothing warmth running through her body. She starts to smile and actually feels more relaxed.
“You see,” Nicole says triumphantly. “It’s not that bad, is it?”
Lilli smiles back, but a thousand thoughts are buzzing in her head.
“I don’t know, Nicole. I mean, it’s cool, but I still have a weird feeling about it.”
Nicole shrugs her shoulders.
“Everyone has their limits. If you don't like it, you don't have to do it again. But sometimes it’s good to get out of your comfort zone, you know?”
The two girls sit on the sofa, chat and laugh. Time flies and Lilli forgets all her worries for a moment. But the insecurity still gnaws inside her.
"You, Nicole," Lilli begins hesitantly, "how do you control it? I mean, you smoke the stuff, but how do you know that it won't harm you?"
Nicole looks at her seriously. She thinks for a few minutes and then looks out the window.
“I'm careful not to overdo it. Only every now and then, when I really want to relax. And I know my limits. You have to know what you are doing and how much you can tolerate. I also make sure that it is of good quality. I don’t buy anything off the street.”
Lilli nods thoughtfully.
“But you’re only 17. Isn’t that too early?”
Nicole tilts her head.
"Perhaps. But I have my reasons and I have it under control. It’s better to do it responsibly than to do it secretly and lose control.”
Lilli thinks as she blows out the smoke from the joint. A mixture of confusion and curiosity spreads through her.
“I don’t know, Nicole. This is all so new to me. I mean, it feels weird, but good in a weird way.”
Nicole smiles and takes another drag.
"Do you see? There's no harm in trying new things. You don't become a different person just because you smoke weed every now and then. It just helps to let go a little more.”
Lilli nods and stares at the joint, which is slowly getting smaller. She feels her thoughts lighten, as if a weight has been lifted from her shoulders. But at the same time, awareness of reality creeps in.
“What if we get caught?” Lilli whispers worriedly.
Nicole laughs quietly.
"Do not worry. We're home alone and your parents won't be back until the evening. Nobody will notice.”
Lilli nods, but the uncertainty remains. She enjoys the day with Nicole, laughs a lot and forgets everything around her for a while. But as the day progresses, she realizes that the experience has changed her, even if it was just for a moment.
As the day comes to an end and Nicole heads home, Lilli is left alone in her room. She sits on the bed and thoughtfully looks at the place where the joint used to be.
“Loosen up…” she murmurs quietly to herself. “But at what cost?”
Chapter 2 - The stranger
Lilli and Nicole are standing in front of the large mirror in Lilli's parents' bedroom. The room is illuminated with a warm, muted light from the desk lamp on the antique wooden table. The two friends are preparing for the night - a night filled with the pulse of disco music and the promise of adventure.
Nicole skillfully applies her makeup in front of the mirror, while Lilli stares uncertainly at her own hands, which are slightly shaking and holding a powder puff. The room is filled with excited anticipation and the soft hum of their favorite songs in the background.
Nicole looks at Lilli in the mirror and smiles encouragingly.
“Come on, Lilli, you look fantastic. Tonight will be our evening. Forget your shyness and let’s have fun.”
Lilli nods, tries to smile, but her eyes betray her inner uncertainty.
“I don’t know, Nicole. I’m just not that good at these things, you know.”
Nicole puts her lipstick aside and steps closer to her friend. She takes Lilli's hands in her own and looks her seriously in the eyes. “Listen, Lilli, you're just as great as anyone out here. No one will judge you, and if they do, they aren't worth caring about. Just be yourself and everything will be great, I promise.”
Lilli smiles again, this time a little more confidently. “Thank you, Nicole. You always have the right words.” She takes a deep breath, as if gathering courage, and then continues her makeup routine.
As the two girls continue to get ready, Nicole's smartphone suddenly rings. Nicole grabs it and takes a look at the screen.
“Oh, this is Martin. He’s right here.”
Lilli feels her heart beating faster. Martin, Nicole's boyfriend, is a nice guy, but Lilli always feels a little uncomfortable around him. She's not sure why, but it's as if his presence wraps her in an invisible cocoon of shyness.
The two make their way to the front door, where Martin is already waiting for them. He is wearing casual jeans and a black T-shirt, with his typical smile that is always so warm.
“Hey, you two beauties. “Ready for an unforgettable night?” he asks.
Nicole beams and nods energetically.
"Absolutely! We dressed up extra. Oh, by the way, Lilli, the dress looks great on you.”
Lilli blushes slightly and shyly thanks her. Martin looks at them both with a smile.
“Very pretty, really. You are sure to be the queens of the dance floor. Oh yes, I still have a little plan. We have to stop by my buddy's and pick him up. Hope that’s okay with you.”
Nicole nods in agreement.
"Of course no problem. Where do we have to go?"
Martin points towards his car, which is parked on the side of the road. "It is not far. You can get in the back.”
The girls follow him, and as they sit in the car, Lilli feels the nervousness creeping up again. She tries to concentrate on the music on the radio and not think too much about the upcoming encounter with Martin's friend.
The journey takes place in pleasant small talk and they soon reach their destination. Martin parks in front of a modest apartment complex and they get out. Lilli follows the others uncertainly, wondering who this buddy is and what he might be like.
Martin knocks on one of the doors and shortly afterwards it opens. A young man with dark hair and a broad smile steps out. “Hey, Martin,” he greets the crowd. “Long time no see, dude. And these must be the lovely ladies you told me about?”
Martin nods, laughing.
“Exactly, that’s them. Lilli, Nicole, this is my buddy Dylan. Dylan, this is Lilli and Nicole.”
Dylan greets her warmly, and Lilli tries to put on her shy smile. The group makes its way back to the car, and once everyone has gotten in, Martin gets behind the wheel.
During the drive, Nicole tries to lighten the mood. “Hey, Dylan, do you have any plans for tonight?” We’re going to rock the disco!”
Dylan laughs and nods.
"Sounds great! I'm looking forward to it. Martin has already told me that you all have a lot of fun together.”
Lilli listens in silence while the others chat. She feels her insecurity growing again as the idea of being in a group with a stranger makes her nervous. She looks out the window and hopes that the night will still be pleasant.
Eventually they reach the disco, where pulsating music and colorful lights dominate the scene. The club is already full and the dance floor beckons with its seductive rhythm.
The group enters the club and Lilli can practically feel the energy and excitement in the air. Martin takes the initiative and leads her to the bar.
“What can I get you guys to drink, ladies?”
Nicole orders something fruity, and Lilli opts for a simple juice. As they stand at the bar, Lilli watches the dancing crowd and tries to relax.
Nicole winks at her and whispers: “Come on, Lilli, let’s dance. This will be the best evening ever!”
The two friends head to the dance floor and are joined by Martin and Dylan. The lights dance to the beat of the music, and Lilli slowly lets herself be carried away by the rousing atmosphere. She moves to the rhythm, her shyness seemingly forgotten for a moment.
Nicole and Lilli dance exuberantly and the night begins to develop into an unforgettable experience. Lilli feels more and more self-confident the more she lets herself be carried away by the music and is infected by Nicole's positive energy.
As the evening progresses, Lilli feels freer, braver, and her shyness begins to fade. She enjoys the company of her friends and the lively atmosphere of the club. It's as if an invisible barrier is slowly disappearing, allowing her to fully enjoy the here and now.
The crowd on the dance floor pulsates to the beat of the music, colorful lights dance wildly around and the energy in the disco is palpable. Lilli spent the evening dancing extensively with her friend Nicole, Martin and his friend Dylan. Her legs feel tired and sweat beads on her skin as she retreats to a quiet corner and sits down in one of the armchairs. The loud music and dizzying lights fade as she fades into darkness.
As Lilli leans back, her gaze wanders around the room. People laugh, dance and celebrate while getting lost in their own little worlds. Lilli enjoys a moment of silence until she notices someone coming towards her. A shadow takes shape and soon Dylan stands before her.
His dark eyes sparkle in the dim light as he greets Lilli with a smile.
“Hey, Lilli, mind if I sit with you?”
Lilli nods shyly and makes room on the sofa. Dylan sinks down next to her and watches her in silence for a moment. His gaze glides over her blonde curls and sparkling eyes.
“You did well on the dance floor. The others are still over there, but I wanted to take a little break.”
Lilli blushes slightly and smiles embarrassedly.
“Thanks, it’s really fun. But sometimes I just need a break from the hustle and bustle.”
Dylan nods understandingly.
“I completely understand,” he says. "Sometimes it's good to retreat a little."
Lilli's gaze falls on the tattoos on his arms, which are visible through the revealing outfit.
“Do you like tattoos?” he asks.
Lilli nods again and looks at the artistic motifs with interest.
“They look really cool. Do they have a special meaning for you?"
Dylan smiles and strokes one of the tattoos.
“Everyone has its own story. They tell a piece of my life. Sometimes it’s memories, sometimes it’s just things that are important to me.”
Lilli listens to his words, fascinated by the intensity with which he talks about his tattoos. Her eyes wander to his long hair, which he has tied into a braid.
“And your hair? Do they have a story too?” she wants to find out.
Dylan laughs quietly.
"Not really. I just like them long. But people often think there is a deep meaning behind it.”
Lilli smiles and feels the tension slowly easing.
“They suit you. Everything somehow fits you.”
Dylan gives her a curious look.
“You're really shy, aren't you?” he asks her.
Lilli nods and buries her face in her hands.
“Yeah, sort of. I sometimes find it difficult to approach others.”
Dylan leans forward slightly and puts his hand comfortingly on her shoulder.
"No reason to worry. Everyone is relaxed here. We’re all just human, aren’t we?” he laughs.
Lilli nods gratefully and looks up at Dylan. She reads a friendly warmth in his eyes that encourages her. Dylan stands up and says, “I’ll get us something to drink. A vodka for you, right?”
Lilli nods in surprise. "Yes gladly."
While Dylan goes to the bar, Lilli looks at him from behind. His confident walk and the tattoos visible under his shirt magically attract her attention. She wonders why she is suddenly so fascinated by this stranger she just met today.
When Dylan returns with the drinks, he sits down next to Lilli again.
