Loved Baby E-Book

Sarah Philpott

• Herausgeber: BroadStreet Publishing Group, LLC
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2017

Seitenzahl: 222

Beschreibung

At the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference on May 24, 2018, Loved Baby received Selah Awards for Nonfiction Book of the Year and Best Book in the category of Inspiration and Gift. Close to one in four American women experience the silent grief of pregnancy loss. Loved Baby offers much-needed support to women in the middle of psychological and physiological grief as a result of losing an unborn child.   In Loved Baby, author Sarah Philpott gently walks alongside women as they experience the misguided shame, isolation, and crushing despair that accompany the turmoil of loss. With brave vulnerability Sarah shares her own and others' stories of loss, offering Christ-filled hope and support to women navigating grief.   This fresh and compassionate devotional offers: ·       Real talk about loss ·       Christ-filled comfort ·       Tips to manage social media, reconnect with your partner, and nourish your soul ·       Knowledge that your child is in heaven ·       Strategies to walk through grief ·       Ways to memorialize your loss   Whether your loss is recent or not, Loved Baby can be your companion as you move from the darkness of grief toward the light of hope. 

Leseprobe

The first place I went after losing our baby to miscarriage was the bookstore. I stared at the shelves looking for words of comfort and hope, longing to find an author who would also feel like a friend putting her arm around my shoulder. I wish Sarah’s book had been there then, and I’m so grateful it will be there for other women like me now.

—Holley Gerth, best-selling author ofYou’re Already Amazing,holleygerth.com

Our culture programs us to feel as though motherhood should be all sunshine and roses—breakfasts in bed made by beaming, freshly-bathed children. We learn to think that a woman cannot fulfill her God-given destiny unless she nurtures the lives God enabled her to bear. And yet, when one of those lives is lost, or when life never begins, the world suddenly goes quiet, leaving these women alone and suffering. Here’s the key, though: When we offer our hurts to God, He will bring healing. He is the salve that soothes even the deepest wounds. Through Sarah’s words in Loved Baby, you will realize that you’re not called to forget but to welcome God into your pain. You can remember and honor and grieve and be made whole again. With God, even this is possible. Step into these pages like you’re walking into God’s comforting embrace, because that’s exactly what this book has to offer.

—Kelly O’Dell Stanley, author of Praying Upside Downand Designed to Pray,kellyostanley.com

This book is the one I wish I’d had when I lost my first son the day after he was born sleeping and my third son when I was fifteen-weeks pregnant. For my aching, searching heart to have God’s truths and promises put together so compassionately and with such honesty would have been a gift, and one I now will graciously share with others who have to walk this life-changing path. God’s goodness and comfort flow freely from Sarah’s heart and will bring healing and redemption to so many.

—Lori Mullin Ennis, editor of Still Standing Magazine

“Your numbers have dropped,” the nurse said. “Let us know if the bleeding starts filling a pad every hour. I’m sorry.” And with that, I learned I was about to have my first miscarriage and second pregnancy loss. A few days later, without bleeding or cramping in sight, I took my husband to Barnes & Noble. I wanted to find something—anything—I could read that would tell me what to expect. The books I found (which weren’t much) focused on family planning, or, get this, how not to have a miscarriage. Seriously? Women who miscarry needed help, and I found nothing that offered it. In the meantime, our story kept going through three more losses and our time with Z and finally our rainbow pregnancy with Ellie. Thank goodness some of our friends have been in the trenches and are ready to share their hearts and encouragement to women who need a worthwhile resource. Sarah Philpott is one of my friends in the baby loss community. Her book Loved Baby is a devotional and journal for baby loss moms. You will want to get this book in your hands!

—Rachel Lewis, writer, foster mom, adoptive mom,biological mom,thelewisnote.com

I have known Sarah Philpott since the moment she was born. As the doctor who delivered her into this world in 1982, I experienced the joy that comes with new life. I have known her family for over fifty years. In fact, I delivered for her mother when she gave birth to her child born still. I have marveled at Sarah’s growth into a talented, deeply Christian wife, mother, and community servant. She is a dynamic, persistent, and dedicated young woman. Her career has consisted of writing many professional publications. Her dedication to intense research and careful analysis, combined with her innate skills interviewing and bonding with other women who have had similar outcomes, has resulted in this inspiring narrative, Loved Baby. She informs the reader about the trials and struggles mothers and fathers face in their post-loss journeys. She gives hope to those who think they will never conceive again or be successful at giving birth following the loss of a child. As the readers of this beautiful testimony will find out, Sarah has succeeded in giving others, even in the darkest times of their grief, the courage to face challenges and to return to a life of normalcy. She has walked with God on her path and knows that, through all things, if our faith is strong and the support of our beloved family and friends is present, we can overcome the adversities associated with this devastating occurrence. It is a distinct honor and pleasure to recommend Sarah’s heart-felt thoughts to those who have endured pregnancy loss and those who try to help and support their loved ones. Loved Baby will fill you with healing, hope, and God’s love.

—Shelley F. Griffith, MD

“They instinctively knew to show me quiet love” is only one example of the exquisite healing words Sarah Philpott uses to help those of us grieving after a pregnancy loss. Her remarkable insights, coupled with her enormous compassion, give us the guidance and strength we need to walk through this devastating journey and know we are not alone. If you have ever loved someone who has suffered through a pregnancy loss, Loved Baby may well be the answer to a prayer. I am grateful for Sarah’s ability to impart her wisdom and spirituality, hope and grace for all of those who will benefit the most. And bless the beautiful babies in heaven who will live on in our souls forever.

—Lisa Leshaw, MS, CMHC mental health professional

Christian women who have known the unfathomable pain of pregnancy loss at any stage need this devotional. The writer Sarah Philpott is with you on your journey, and through her transparency regarding her own loss, recovery, and faith walk, she offers guidance on healing for mothers post-loss.

—Autumn L. Carusillo, PHD, LCSW

The death of a baby is one of the worst and most traumatic experiences of a parent’s life. The grief that follows is all-consuming and often isolating. Sarah Philpott has created a way for parents to process their own grief journey while being reassured they are not alone. Loved Baby is a beautiful resource for bereaved parents in their darkest days.

—Lindsey J. Wimmer, CPNP, CPLC,executive director of Star Legacy Foundation

Loved Baby left me spellbound. I cried and rejoiced at the same time at the healing power that God can bring.

—Jenn Hand, author of 31 Days of Coming Aliveand director of Coming Alive Ministries

I wish I’d had this book to read days after my loss instead of using “Dr. Google” and the like for information on miscarriage.

—Emily Aziz, CPA

In this book, you will feel like Sarah is speaking directly to you as a gentle friend and a loving sister. She truly understands the pain of loss and has a beautiful way with comforting words and practical advice. I love that she pairs godly encouragement with factual information about child loss to help address all parts of grieving: the intellectual, spiritual, physical, and emotional. If I had Loved Baby as a resource during the darkest stages of my miscarriage, I certainly would not have felt so alone. The Loved Baby ministry was instrumental in my healing, and I have faith that this book will be instrumental in yours.

—Rosemary Ferrera, mother, former Miss Virginia,& Christian blogger,SoulStrongFitness.com

Loved Baby is the book I wish I had after my first loss. Sarah Philpott is like a loving sister who has been there, guiding us through. I love the easy-to-apply soul work sections. I cried through most of the book. I would say that even after months and months of grief counseling, reading almost every book out there about pregnancy loss and how to cope, and being in a support group, Loved Baby is what brought me the rest of the way. I can’t even find the best words to tell you how extremely helpful this is going to be for so many women.

—Jessica Knipprath, mother

I feel like this book was instrumental in my healing from my miscarriages, almost seven years since my last one.

—Jenny Tilley, RN

Loved Baby deals with a topic so dear to my heart because of my experience with three years of infertility and the loss I experienced with my first two babies. I would have given anything to have someone walk me through that season with spiritual insight as well as personal experience. This is why I am thrilled about my friend, Sarah Philpott’s new book. Whether you are still grieving or not, you can trust her with your heart.

—Jennifer Watson, author, pastor,and writer,jenniferreneewatson.com

BroadStreet Publishing® Group, LLC

Racine, Wisconsin, USA

BroadStreetPublishing.com

loved baby:Helping You Grieve and Cherish Your Child after Pregnancy Loss

Copyright © 2017 Sarah Philpott

ISBN-13: 978-1-4245-5527-7 (hardcover)

ISBN-13: 978-1-4245-5528-4 (e-book)

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without permission in writing from the publisher.

All Scripture quotations unless marked otherwise are from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, ® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked NLT are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188, USA. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked ESV are taken from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version. Copyright © 2000; 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked NASB are taken from the New American Standard Bible, © Copyright 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. Scripture marked KJV is taken from the King James Version of the Bible. All emphases in Scripture quotations are those of the author.

Stock or custom editions of BroadStreet Publishing titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, ministry, fundraising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail [email protected].

Cover design by Chris Garborg at garborgdesign.com

Typesetting by Katherine Lloyd at theDESKonline.com

This devotional is the result of a qualitative study undertaken by the author and presented in the form of this book. The qualitative study explored the emotional experiences of women and men post-pregnancy loss. For more information, please visit the author’s website allamericanmom.net.

Printed in China

17 18 19 20 21 5 4 3 2 1

To my heavenly Father:For teaching me about faith.

This book is completely of you and for you.

To my darlings,Titus, Sophie, and Beckham:

I love you. More than you shall ever imagine.

To my Perry:

For everything. For believing in me, for loving me,

for being an amazing father and husband, and for telling me

to keep going every time I wanted to call this book quits.

For always you will be mine.

To the sweet mamas reading and who have been involved

in this book:This is for your precious arrows in the sky.

Give sorrow words:

the grief that does not speak whispers

the o’er-fraught heart and bids it break.

—William Shakespeare, Macbeth

Contents

Introduction

1You Are Becoming a New Creation

2Walking in Faith

3Quiet Love: Asking for What You Need

4He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands

5Searching for Why

6Seeking Medical Answers

7Meet Hannah: Our Biblical Soul Mate

8Blessed Are Those Who Mourn: You Are Allowed to Be Sad

9When You Go through Deep Waters: Depression and Anxiety

10Laughter through the Tears

11Wonderfully and Fearfully Made: The Wording of Pregnancy Loss

12Words Do Hurt

13Not Planting the Seeds of Anger and Jealousy

14Born into the Splendor of Heaven

15Ectopic Pregnancy

16When Your Mind and Body Remind You of Your Loss

17Inviting Others into Your Fellowship

18Reconnecting with Who You Are

19A Sibling in Heaven

20Dads Hurt Too

21Reconnecting with Your Spouse

22Cherishing the Here and Now

23Sexual Intimacy after a Loss

24Honor the Due Date: Aloha to Heaven

25Celebrating the Baby: Creating Rituals

26Staying Positive When Trying to Conceive

27I’m Pregnant Again! Choosing Joy over Fear

28For This Child I Prayed: Choosing Adoption

29Embracing a Child-Free Life

30A New Due Date

31Writing Your Story

Appendix: How We Mourn

Acknowledgments

Notes

Bibliography

About the Author

Introduction

Dear Beloved,

I’m so sorry. Let me offer my sincerest condolences. I wish I could wrap my arms around you. Catch your tears. I’ve been there. This book includes my journey of loss and hope.

Fellow women have also been there. In these pages, I share the stories of more than forty women, the Loved Baby Tribe. Their voices, echoing tales of stillbirth, miscarriage, and ectopic loss are sprinkled throughout. We want you to feel less alone in this mess of life. We are here for you. You are now a part of a sisterhood: a sisterhood of women whose loved babies were born into the goodness of heaven.

This book is a place for you to mourn and cherish the lovely little life that took root in your womb. This book is for your heart. Other books may care for your physical needs, but this is to cradle the needs of your soul. It is designed with thirty-one devotionals, each with ideas for how to care for yourself and prayers to pray. There is also a special place for you to commemorate your own babe and a place to record your story.

I know this will not abolish the pain, but I want you to be less alone as you mourn, question, and work toward building your strength by drawing closer to God.

The journey brings with it intense emotions. What you are about to read is an honest reflection of loss, but it also includes the hope of tomorrow.

With all my love,

Sarah

Every night I read a bedtime story to my son. When he was twenty-one months old, I invited my husband to snuggle with us for the reading of a new picture book about a daddy bear who spends an idyllic day with his little cub. On the last page of the book I had handwritten a new ending. “Guess what?” it read, “You are going to be a dad to another little cub!”

Perry had been coveting a baby for months. He wanted to be one of those men with a quiver full of arrows—except he described it as wanting a full soccer team. He was over-the-moon excited!

A week or so later, I realized something wasn’t right. It was just the first trimester, but my back felt as if it had been slammed with a hammer. I doubled over with what felt like contractions. It was unsettling and didn’t feel like my first pregnancy. Too many aches. Too many pains. I called my ob-gyn. “Come on in,” the nurse said. Perry abandoned work and drove me. I tried to fix my eyes on the budding trees outside the car window instead of worrying about what I would find at the doctor’s office. I spent an hour there. They drew my blood. They checked if I was bleeding. Checked me for a UTI. Nothing wrong could be found. I was released with the consoling words, “Everything will probably be just fine.” We traveled home.

As soon as we returned to our farm, I sat at my computer and logged into the one and only distance learning class I took while earning my PhD. My three other group members were already logged in and class was about to begin. “Five minutes till class,” typed the instructor. I replied to my instructor and group members, “I might be a little off tonight. My husband and I have been at the doctor with pregnancy complications. The doctor says all is fine, but I’m still exhausted. I apologize in advance if I don’t sound as energetic as usual.” Quick responses of “congratulations” and “hope all is well” erupted on the screen while I furiously reviewed my notes for our all-important presentation.

I was exhausted but relieved that my doctor said most likely all would be okay. I trusted those words. My backache, pains, and disconcerting feeling were most likely side effects of pregnancy. My nurse had given me a reassuring hug and a send-off of, “Take it easy, and we will call to check on you in the morning.” I was at a place of peace.

Then I felt it—the sure sign that everything wasn’t fine. I instantly knew I was losing my baby.

Two minutes till the start of class. My thighs warm and wet. I sprinted to the bathroom. I saw the red. I knew my dream had just escaped my body. An arrow darted off through the sunset.

The Bible tells us:

Behold, children are a gift of the LORD,

THE FRUIT OF THE WOMB IS A REWARD.

LIKE ARROWS IN THE HAND OF A WARRIOR,

So are the children of one’s youth.

How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.

(Psalm 127:3–5 NASB)

I like to imagine I have arrows in the sky. A quiver in heaven.

But it’s not that peaceful of a transition, is it? This journey is full of emotional toil. At the time, I didn’t know I would be on a journey with other moms who had lost their babies. I never could have imagined the pain and emptiness. But I also didn’t know this tragedy would draw me closer to the Lord.

And that is what this book is about—taking steps together to grieve, cherish, and look ahead as we honor our loved babies. It is a place to recount your thoughts and move through the loss rather than stepping over it. Ultimately, we know the Lord holds our hearts and we are never far from his presence and his purposes in our lives. Our stories are all vastly different, but we are united. Sweet mama, this book is dedicated to all our blessed arrows who live amidst the twinkling stars.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

2 Corinthians 1:3–4

1

You Are Becoming a New Creation

A field of perennial wildflowers grows in my front yard. Bright pink, sunny yellow, and vibrant orange beauties wave in the wind. The honeybees from our hives rest upon the delicate petals and soak up the sweet nectar. You see, these lovely flowers are not just eye-catching but bestow life for the bees and crops on our farm. Wildflowers were created to be carefree and grow wherever they are rooted.

We, as sisters in Christ, are much like these wildflowers, aren’t we? At our strongest we nurture others and radiate love. We are fetching, glorious creatures. We yearn to grow life and enjoy a carefree existence. But the loss of our baby changes that for us, doesn’t it?

Dear mama, you are like this field of wildflowers. You were your bright self when all of a sudden your precious offspring left for heaven. You did nothing to cause this, yet it is far from where you thought your life would be planted in this season. Now you are suffocating. You don’t feel or look like your former self, do you? You can barely take care of yourself—much less give life to others.

Your very roots have come undone. You wonder if you will ever emerge from this sadness.

Gather close as I tell you: You will get to the other side of grief. You’ll go through a frigid winter, but eventually spring will emerge. Just like the wildflowers in my field, you too will gain new strength from your former self and establish new roots and new life. A new you will slowly begin emerging. How? you might ask.

God says that we will all be a new creation. Molded into new strength from our suffering.

Yet those who wait for the LORD

Will gain new strength;

They will mount up with wings like eagles,

They will run and not get tired,

They will walk and not become weary.

Isaiah 40:31 NASB

You probably don’t see it now. Strength is too far ahead on the horizon, isn’t it? That is okay. It can’t be rushed, but you will one day arrive. Please know: arrive doesn’t mean complete healing waits on the other side. But the other side is a place where you will not be gasping for every breath, tears unrelenting, thinking constantly of the child you lost. With time, sadness and peace will dance together. Strength will take root deep in your heart. Those of us who have walked a step ahead can tell you that you will be able to sense God’s strength over time.

Listen to this promise: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” (Isaiah 41:10).

And he will help you. Call out his name.

Our God says, “I will make rivers flow on barren heights, and springs within the valleys. I will turn the desert into pools of water, and the parched ground into springs” (Isaiah 41:18).

Do you see these promises? God revives. Though your heart is parched, he will replenish your soul. No well is too deep for his love. He turns our weakness into his strength.

Dear one, we who have walked this journey know you are in the midst of terrible darkness. But your very soul is changing toward the light and life he offers. Here is how:

Your heart will be filled with compassion.

This pain will open your heart to suffering. Author Suzanne Eller says, “As you mend, you will discover that you move from needing help to giving it.”1 One day you will use this very suffering to comfort others who are at their weakest.

You’ll learn to faithfully accept the life you have been gifted.

Grace says, “Ten years later, I know it was supposed to be part of the story God is writing in our life—even though it was painful. It gave me passion for the preciousness of life.”

Your heart will be open to gratitude.

Mia says, “The due date of the baby we lost two years ago was last week. I almost forgot it. That was a mixed emotion. Good because I wasn’t grieving as fiercely as I did at the actual due date or even one year later, but sad because I felt like I had forgotten my child for a moment. But I look at my children differently since our loss. I’m so grateful for them in a way I don’t think I would have been without our loss.”

You will value the sanctity of motherhood.

Camila, an attorney who had a late-term loss, says, “I think going through my loss made me appreciate the sacred calling we have as women to be mothers. I hope when I do have children someday, I will always try to remember that and carry that title of a mother with respect and dignity and not be so flippant about the role that God has blessed me with.”

You will have a stronger connection to God.

You might go through times of questioning God and being outright angry, but you can emerge with a stronger relationship. Emalee, who had an ectopic pregnancy, was faced with her own death due to hemorrhaging. Moments before she had to lie on the operating table, she realized she didn’t know whether she would go to heaven or hell. Her life changed. She credits the death of her child to giving her eternal life.

Dear mama, this is your path of life. Even though your journey is paved with rocky soil, you must keep marching toward life ahead. I know you wonder how forward is even possible. Right now every single step brims with pain, doesn’t it? Brittnie, whose son Chance was born sleeping at five months, says, “The weight you are feeling now does lift. However, you will never be the same. We never move on from our losses, but we do learn how to live a new normal. We can only put our hope in the one who makes all things new.”

I want to encourage you—one day your pace will be less arduous. The wildflower within your heart will again blossom, your desert will be refreshed, and one day you will be reunited with your child. Hold to these promises. Look to eternity.

Soul Work

• Choose a Scripture or quote to meditate upon. This will serve as a source of light when that blanket of grief gives you no room to breathe. Mine was, “Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

• Write the quote on paper. Post it on your mirror. Place it in your car where you will see it. Write it on your hand.

• When you feel that dark suffocation, repeat the verse silently or aloud—whatever you need.

Prayer Time

Lord, my soul is weak. Although I want to cower,

I choose to walk in faith, for you are my strength.

Although I feel as if I am in a wasteland, I know

you created me as a radiant creature.

My identity is in you alone. Amen.

2

Walking in Faith

There I sat on the cold porcelain toilet. Blood pouring. Stomach contracting. I needed no clinician to give me the news; my baby was gone. I was no longer pregnant. I was not going to be decorating a nursery. I was not going to be delivering my baby in November.

It’s hard when our world just stops. Nothing makes sense. Fog descends. We feel robbed. Broken. Betrayed by our own bodies.