Mother of the Bride E-Book

Cheryl Barker

• Herausgeber: BroadStreet Publishing Group, LLC
• Kategorie: Religion und Spiritualität
• Sprache: Englisch
• Veröffentlichungsjahr: 2016

Seitenzahl: 186

Beschreibung

Mothers in today's world wear many hats and struggle to keep the stress in their lives at manageable levels. Add the delightful but demanding new hat of mother of the bride (MOB) to the roles they are already juggling, and you have a host of middle-aged moms pushed to their limits, in desperate need of an empathetic voice and moments of nourishing relaxation. While trying to maintain life as they knew it before their daughter's big announcements, MOBs are called upon to magically morph into wedding planners, help their daughters navigate the journey to the altar, and establish new and loving relationships with their prospective sons- in-law and their families. With all focus, financial and otherwise, dedicated to the brides and the weddings themselves, the needs of mothers of the bride are overlooked. Mother of the Bride will help MOBs step away from the hurried pace of daily life complicated by a demanding new role. It will offer them the refreshment found in discovering community as they take time for themselves—time to be encouraged, to gain helpful insight and practical tips, and to enjoy the feminine beauty of a book designed just for them. Through essays featuring relevant quotes or Scriptures, personal stories, nuggets of wisdom, simple suggestions for personal pampering, journaling opportunities, communication aids, and practical tips for wedding planning, Mother of the Bride will nurture the all-important but too often neglected mother of the bride. 

Leseprobe

BroadStreet Publishing Group, LLC

Racine, Wisconsin, USA

BroadStreetPublishing.com

Mother of the Bride

Refreshment and Wisdom for the Mother of the Bride

Copyright © 2016 by Cheryl Barker

ISBN-13: 978-1-4245-5236-8 (hardcover)

ISBN-13: 978-1-4245-5237-5 (e-book)

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form, except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without permission in writing from the publisher.

Scripture quotations marked NKJV are taken from the Holy Bible, New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked NET are taken from the Holy Bible, New English Translation. Copyright © 1996–2006 by Biblical Studies Press, L.L.C. netbible.com All rights reserved. Scripture quotations marked NIV are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide. zondervan.com. The “NIV”and “New International Version” are trademarks registered in the United States Patent and Trademark Office by Biblica, Inc.™

Cover and interior by Garborg Design Works at garborgdesign.com

Published in association with the literary agency of Credo Communications, LLC, Grand Rapids, Michigan, credocommunications.net

Stock or custom editions of BroadStreet Publishing titles may be purchased in bulk for educational, business, ministry, fundraising, or sales promotional use. For information, please e-mail [email protected].

Printed in China

16 17 18 19 20   5 4 3 2 1

For my daughters,

Kristin and Kelli,

and in memory of my mom,

Charlene Hoy.

You have each forever changed my life.

Love you always.

Contents

Acknowledgments

1.It’s Official: Let the Squeals Begin!

2.First Things First: Start with Fun

3.Sleep—What’s That? The MOB Brain Stuck in Overdrive

4.When God Is Your Wedding Planner: Finding the Ultimate Coordinator

5.Whose Wedding Is This? Finding a Balance

6.To Have and To Hold … Until She Gets Married

7.Keeping Secrets: Fun but Serious Business

8.Mother of the Bride: No Job for a Weakling

9.Father of the Bride: Make Room for Daddy

10.The Man of Her Dreams Becomes Your Son: Coming to Grips with the Groom

11.Bye–Bye, Comfort Zone: Diving into Unfamiliar Waters

12.Lean on Me: The MOB’s Support Team

13.Just Because You Love Her: Going Above and Beyond

14.Life Goes On Too? It’s Not All about the Wedding

15.Be Very Careful: No Do-Overs for the MOB

16.When Dreams Become Disasters: The Dreaded Horror Stories

17.The MOB Dress: Time to Splurge on You

18.A Day to Remember: Getting a Sneak Peak

19.Shower Her with Fun: Time for Some Joy

20.Coming Down the Homestretch: Make a List and Hang On

21.And Then There Were Tears: Expect a Meltdown

22.Letting It Unfold: Enjoy the Wedding Weekend

23.Basking in the Joy: A Mother of the Bride Gives Thanks

Wedding Vendor Worksheets

Wedding Vendor Worksheets Introduction

Ceremony Venue Worksheet

Questions to Ask Ceremony Venue’s References

Reception Venue Worksheet

Questions to Ask Reception Venue’s References

Photographer Worksheet

Questions to Ask Photographer’s References

Caterer Worksheet

Questions to Ask Caterer’s References

Wedding Cake Baker Worksheet

Questions to Ask Wedding Cake Baker’s References

Florist Worksheet

Questions to Ask Florist’s References

Videographer Worksheet

Questions to Ask Videographer’s References

DJ or Live Entertainment Worksheet

Questions to Ask DJ’s or Live Entertainment’s References

Wedding Planner Worksheet

Questions to Ask Wedding Planner’s References

About the Author

Acknowledgments

The road to holding this first published book in my hands has been a long but rewarding one. Many people have played a role in helping me reach this day, and I would like to offer my thanks to all.

First, I’m deeply grateful to my agent, Karen Neumair of Credo Communications, for believing in me and my book project and for persevering with me until God provided the perfect publishing home for my manuscript. Thank you for being such a great cheerleader, encourager, and help throughout the whole process. Thanks also to the team at Credo Communications for supporting Karen and me and for giving advice when needed.

My deepest gratitude also to BroadStreet Publishing for catching the vision for this book and for giving me, a first-time author, a chance to make my book-dream a reality. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to offer mothers of the bride the refreshment, encouragement, wisdom, and practical help they need on their MOB journeys. Thank you for making it possible. My appreciation to each team member who has worked so hard to make this book the best it can be.

I’d also like to thank those in the Fellowship of Christian Writers Online Critique Group who read my manuscript and helped me make this a better book. You know who you are. I so appreciated your feedback and continual encouragement. I also have special fondness and gratitude for the FCW members who gather each month for our meetings in Tulsa. The training I’ve received through our group has helped me grow in so many ways, and the support we offer one another is invaluable. Thanks so much for your friendship.

Another huge thanks goes to my prayer team. They’ve offered not only their prayers but much encouragement and support as well. So thank you to my husband, Don; my daughters, Kristin and Kelli; my dad, Duane; my sisters, Debbie, Janice, and Carolyn; my dearest friends Teri and Jeneal; and to my dear friend Nancy, who recently joined the team. I appreciate you all more than words can say. I also must mention my mom. She would be an important part of this prayer team, but God took her home just a few weeks before I signed with my agent. Mom was one of my biggest supporters and would be so proud to see my dream come true.

To Don, Kristin, and Kelli, thank you for being mine—my husband and my girls. Thank you for the bond we share and for our love that runs long and deep. To Shawn and Jake, thank you for loving my girls and for joining our crazy clan. You add so much to our family. And to my twin grandsons, Isaiah and James, I’m so grateful God blessed us with you. You are my newest joy and being your grandma is one of the best parts of my life. Kristin, I also want to thank you for reading my manuscript right alongside my critique group and offering input from a reader’s perspective. I loved hearing your more personal comments. And Shawn and Kristin, thanks for acting as my tech team. You guys rock. Time and again you’ve come to my aid, and I deeply appreciate your help.

And finally and most importantly, I want to thank my Lord. Throughout this great adventure called life, which includes my writing journey, he has been my source of inspiration, my guide, my partner, and my strong support. He is my Savior and my greatest friend. Anything I’ve accomplished is because of him, and he is the one who keeps me persevering—in faith, in life, and in writing. Thank you, Lord. I will love you all of my days.

It’s Official: Let the Squeals Begin!

“THE TRUE DELIGHT IS IN THE FINDING OUT”

—ISAAC ASIMOV

Our lives changed forever one Friday evening in June. With the simple ring of a doorbell, a new era began. I glanced out the window and gasped.

“Don, it’s Shawn!” I called out to my husband. Our daughter’s boyfriend lived in Arkansas, nearly three hours away, and was scheduled to drive to Houston the next day where Kristin attended grad school. What was he doing at our home in Kansas?

The next instant, it dawned on me. This was the visit—the one we’d been anticipating.

“Shawn, what in the world?” Pretending ignorance, we continued with friendly small talk while waiting for him to reveal the real reason for his visit. Within minutes, he declared his intentions and asked for our blessing. He had it in a flash.

Then the squealing began. I admit I was the only one doing it, but I couldn’t help it. We had reached a milestone moment. Every mother who has a daughter looks forward to the day when a young man, more wonderful than she dared to hope for, arrives to ask for her little girl’s hand in marriage. That day had finally come for me. I giggled. I gushed. And I squealed again.

A beaming Shawn chuckled at my reaction, taking pleasure in every second of it. He didn’t realize until later that this would be the first of many shrieks of excitement he would hear from his future mother-in-law on his journey to the altar.

After my initial burst of celebration subsided, Shawn told us how he planned to propose to Kristin the next day. Dreaming of how happy she would be, I couldn’t wait to see her. Then I remembered.

“Oh my gosh,” I said. “I just realized something. My trip to Houston for Kristin’s birthday has completely changed. Now we can go wedding gown shopping.” As more squeals of delight ensued, Don and Shawn just shook their heads and smiled.

I didn’t think it possible to get more excited than I already was until Shawn casually mentioned something else. Something that caught me by complete surprise. “I’ve got the ring out in the car. Want to see it?”

“What? Are you kidding? Of course I want to see it.” Before I could squeal again, Don cut me short.

“Oh, Cheryl, I don’t know.” His eyes caught mine. “Do you really think Kristin would want you to see her ring before she does?”

His words jerked my runaway mother-of-the-bride ride to a stop. He was right. She would want to see it first. Painful though it was, I turned to Shawn and said, “I guess I better not. Darn …” I sighed, the wind knocked out of my high-flying sails.

My disappointment didn’t last long, though. After all, I wanted Kristin to experience the joy of showing me her ring for the first time. It would give me one more thing to look forward to when I arrived in Houston.

After another hour of happy conversation, Shawn decided to head to his sister’s house in Tulsa. He planned to spend the night there so his trip to Houston the next day would be a little shorter.

As we began our good-byes, the phone rang. I checked the caller ID. It was our other daughter, Kelli.

“Oh no,” I said. “It’s Kelli! What am I going to say?”

“Don’t tell her anything!” Shawn said. “Don’t tell her I’m here—she’ll figure out what’s going on.”

Somehow I managed to play it cool and keep it short as he and Don hung on my every word. I wrapped up the conversation as quickly as I could, and we all breathed a sigh of relief when I hung up. Then, like true conspirators, we laughed. “Won’t it be fun to tell her about this later on?” I said, smiling.

As we walked Shawn out to his car, an amazing thought occurred to me. We were finally going to have a son. I shared my realization with the guys, my heart delighting in its newfound joy. Thank you, God, for the wonderful man you brought into our daughter’s life. Thank you for this newest member of our family.

Soon after Shawn left, another reality intruded on my jubilant thoughts. The challenges that all parents face while planning a wedding would now be ours. How would we handle the expense and all the tasks involved? What about the decisions that would need to be made and the potential disagreements? Were we ready for the emotional roller coaster that awaited us?

If these questions sound familiar to you, you may have recently found out that your little girl is going to be a bride. Do you, by any chance, feel excited and terror stricken all at once? Don’t worry—it’s normal. You’ve just joined the ranks of Mother of the Bride.

Yes, you’re an MOB now. Much awaits you over the next few months. You’ll be traveling a sure-to-be challenging road much like the ones I traversed as a mother of the bride.

Join me, won’t you, as I open a window into my MOB experiences and share some insights I gleaned along the way. I hope you’ll feel refreshed and encouraged on your own MOB adventure as you experience mine with me. Be sure to follow the Treat Yourself suggestions at the end of each chapter. No one deserves them more than mothers of the bride.

And now? Here’s to enjoying the journey!

A Gem for the Journey

Take time to delight in this milestone moment before getting distracted by details.

Treat Yourself

Call your sister or best friend and share the things you are most excited about. Do a little squealing!

Talk It Over

Ask your daughter what things she loves the most about her groom-to-be and then tell her the qualities you most admire in him. Thank God together for him.

A Bonus Wedding Planning Tip

Before the real planning begins, look at your calendar and consider upcoming projects, travels, and appointments. Also review normal items on your to-do list. Trim where you can by saying no to some tasks and delaying others. Try to keep your schedule as free as possible.

Your MOB Musings

As I begin my MOB journey, I’m happiest about and most looking forward to:

First Things First: Start with Fun

“FUN IS GOOD.” —DR. SEUSS

You’ve made the calls. You’ve announced to all that your baby girl is getting married. What fun you’ve had spreading the news. Mother of the Bride, you may now be tempted to jump in and get down to the business of wedding planning, but let me encourage you to postpone it a little longer. The wedding-planning front will turn serious soon enough. For now, put first things first. Celebrate. Have some fun!

Lucky for me, I already had plans to visit my daughter when her marriage proposal changed our lives. No longer were we just an ordinary writer mom and hardworking grad student, we were now a scared-stiff-but-happy mother of the bride and a stars-in-her-eyes bride-to-be. And you can bet that with nearly six hundred miles between us and a ring just waiting to be flashed, I would have concocted a scheme to get to Kristin if one had not already been in the works. I had more squealing to do.

Five short days after Shawn put a ring on her finger, I loaded my car and headed for Houston. My fuel for the trip? Excitement. At least for the first portion of it. Funny how ten straight hours of driving can cripple an MOB’s enthusiasm—not to mention her hips and legs. As Kristin came bounding out of her apartment to greet me, I peeled myself out of what had become my prison on wheels and gimped toward her, trying to smile and stifle groans simultaneously.

With left hand poised, she stood ready to dazzle me with her ring, while I, on the other hand, struggled to shake off my drive-induced stupor. My eyes had glazed over somewhere between Dallas and Houston, and I needed to rally to properly feast upon the engagement ring I’d been dying to see.

“There she is—there’s our bride-to-be!” I said, trying to add some oomph to my voice as I made my way toward my firstborn. Squinting against the south Texas sunshine, I took her outstretched hand, mustered as much enthusiasm as I could, and said, “Oh, Kristin—how pretty! It’s just beautiful!”

No doubt about it. The ring did sparkle with beauty. I just wish my first peek had come at a time when I possessed more energy. Still dazed by the drive, I didn’t do justice to my new role as an elated mother of the bride.

No worries, though. After a good night’s sleep, I jumped aboard the MOB thrill ride and promptly made up for lost time. The new day proved the ring to be beyond beautiful—worthy of my best squeals of delight, in fact. What better way to set the stage for fun than a gorgeous diamond ring and the dreams of a mother-daughter duo intent on planning the event of a lifetime?

After donning outfits cute enough for bridal shopping, we hurried out the door with an underlying sense of purpose highlighted by—you guessed it—pure glee. First stop? A bookstore. How could we proceed on Kristin’s journey to the altar without a bridal planner?

Marching through the entryway of a nearby mega-bookstore, we surveyed the layout in seconds and then sprinted toward the wedding section. Kristin, already concerned about our expense for the upcoming affair, examined the beautiful planners but hesitated in making a choice.

“We don’t have to buy one of these,” she said. “I could make plans and take notes in a regular notebook. I don’t need anything fancy.”

“Oh, yes you do. I want you to have one. Which one do you like best?”

“But you’re going to have so many other things to pay for. You don’t need to get me one.”

“Something like this will make planning much easier, though. Come on—it’ll be fun. Let’s get one!” I flashed her an encouraging smile and grabbed a quick hug. “In fact, I need some kind of planner for my own notes. Let’s get yours and also find one for me. Maybe something small enough to fit in my purse.”

With a burst of shopping-for-me-now energy, I scanned the aisles for notebooks or journals. Remembering I did indeed need to save where I could, I headed for the bargain section and soon discovered a perfect journal for my MOB needs. Not only was it a pretty shade of blue, one of the wedding colors Kristin had chosen, it was also inexpensive. Absolutely perfect. It made me giddy.

Who knew a little blue journal could elicit yet another squeal. I waited until we left the store, of course, but once outside, it escaped. We both had planners now. We were set and ready to roll.

With a list of bridal shops and our best-route strategies in hand, we embarked on the adventure all brides and their moms dream about for years—shopping for the dress. High spirits ruled the day as we visited bridal boutique after bridal boutique. From the royal treatment given by the sales clerks to the thrill of looking through the gowns to the pure delight of watching Kristin try on one gorgeous wedding dress after another, new and unforgettable memories became ours that day. Take it from me—every mother-daughter wedding-planning duo needs to shop for the gown on that first outing.

One of the best gifts you can give your daughter as a mother of the bride is to make her feel special. Let her see your joy at spreading the news of her engagement, and be sure she hears you rave about that new ring on her finger. Jump right in and kick off your journey together with bridal magazines and planners, and above all, get out there and start the quest for the dress. You might even want to host an engagement party for the soon-to-be “Mr. and Mrs.”

These are the things that make it real. The things that bring it home. The first time you see your grown-up little miss looking back at you from a sea of white chiffon or beaded satin glory, indeed your heart will skip a beat. You’ll find yourself blinking back tears. That elusive someday has suddenly become now. Your little girl—your jewel—is going to be a bride. You’ll soon be giving her away.

If you find yourself feeling unparalleled happiness and unexpected sadness at the same time, don’t worry—it’s just one more stop on your MOB journey. Don’t try to sidestep it. Embrace it. Then, Mother of the Bride, find your smile and get back to the fun!

A Gem for the Journey

Don’t get bogged down in wedding planning too quickly. First have fun. Celebrate!

Treat Yourself

Gift yourself with a journal for your own notes. For extra fun, find it in one of the wedding colors.

Talk It Over

Talk with your husband, your best friend, or another loved one and find out what ideas he or she might have for ways to celebrate this exciting milestone. Carry out one idea now and save the others for times in the coming months when stress may mount.

A Bonus Wedding Planning Tip

Chronicle your adventure with photos—for yourself and for your daughter. Have a camera handy during all wedding planning sessions and outings.

Your MOB Musings

I can show our new Mr. and Mrs.-to-be how thrilled I am about their engagement by:

Sleep—What’s That? The MOB Brain Stuck in Overdrive

“A RUFFLED MIND MAKES A RESTLESS PILLOW.”

—CHARLOTTE BRONTE

Your initial mother-daughter fling with fun has come and gone. The photos reveal only a fraction of the day’s delight, but your heart captured the full picture. And now, Mother of the Bride, even though the first whirlwind of activity has subsided, your mind rushes on.

Chances are, you and your daughter brainstormed ideas for nearly every facet of the wedding during your celebratory first hours together. As a result, you may have come down with a bad case of MOB Brain Stuck in Overdrive.

No big surprise there. After all, it’s your mission to see that your daughter’s vision—yes, her dream—for her long-awaited wedding day comes true. I know. I’ve been there. Twice now, actually. My younger daughter, Kelli, made me an MOB three years after Kristin did.

After two stints in the making-dreams-come-true department, I can assure you that such a lofty mission seriously impedes anything resembling a good night’s sleep. The endless details of planning a dream come true can overwhelm the mind of almost any woman. In fact, once she becomes a mother of the bride, I doubt a woman exists who can turn off her details switch and get a solid night’s sleep.